I don't hardly make any claims to be the most spiritual person in the world, in fact, at this point, I freely admit that I am FAR from any title that would make that claim. So, when I looked at that logo on a piece of mail I received today, a familiar logo and one that is associated with extremely negative thoughts, I can also attest that spirituality was from the list of adjectives that were running through my head.
The letter-head was from the church I used to go to. When I say that, I mean the church that shunned me when I was getting divorced. I didn't even want to open the letter at first, I wondered what kind of miserable, negative, accusatory statements I would read within the confines of the letter. What possible purpose would they have in contacting me NOW, after all of this time?
I didn't know but eventually, curiosity killed the cat. I opened the letter. It wasn't a form letter - I would have immediately trashed it if it was. You know, a pre-scripted letter sent to who knows how many people?
I can't and won't write the entire depth of the letter on here. It basically stated they missed me, that they realized there was a huge, gaping hole in their lives - we were best friends for over a decade and we did a LOT together - and basically asking me to let them back into my life. My thoughts went straight to the shunning in front of everyone at church, a thing I realized today I thought I had gotten over: I have not. My reaction was proof of that: I began firing off a letter of how they treated me and how they had dissed me, shunned me and actually turned their BACKS on me at CHURCH, at a SERVICE!!
I got 4 paragraphs into that letter and realized what I was doing - and stopped. If I were to seek the Lord about this for even 2 minutes, I would realize that this is not the course of action He would have me take. Christians are instructed to forgive. I know, it isn't easy sometimes. In fact, in circumstances such as what I went through with these people while going through a divorce, their actions only made it 100 times more hellish. I found myself without ANY support from anyone save my mother. Bless her heart : ) Oh, my dad was there for me too, now that I think about it : )
So, I put the letter down and sought some spiritual backing from my pastor. Not that I can't figure this out myself, that's not the point. I want to know that there is a support system available for me. I am not trying to get them to hate those people, rather, to pray about it and give me a detached, third-party input. I really need that because I really would like to get past this. He wrote back quickly and gave me his thoughts and then advised me to give it a few days and pray over it before responding and that he, too, would be praying about it and he would get back to me.
So that's where this is being left for now. I am not going to reply to them until, at the earliest, next week. I'm going to pray about it, seek the Word about it, sit on it and dwell on it. Give it enough time to give me any kind of thought that perhaps - some kind of reconciliation is actually possible here. I dunno, yet. Maybe I will get some direction at church on Sunday.
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