There is one thing about this whole situation that has totally enamored me: all the attention.
I haven't had this kind of loving, focused attention in a long, long time. I have been living my life alone for all intents and purposes. Surrounded by people, yes, but any kind of real relationship with anyone? Just my son, the father-son kind and that IS something that I cherish and relish. But that boy is on his own now. Even if he comes back for a while, it won't be permanent and then he will be gone again.
And the attention isn't just from her, either, although if it was it would definitely be more than enough! Her kids always telling her to tell me hi; getting on the phone with me and sending me all kinds of things through FB messages.
At the same time, her kids are a total disaster. I am not saying that in a dissing or otherwise spiteful type of way, it is what it is. They mess with her. They get all up in her face and give her all kinds of hell. They don't listen to her. She asks them to do something and some of them will actually just walk away from her, telling her no! God have mercy on my child if he were to EVER do that when he was growing up. I was having an FB conversation with her best friend today, a real friend that has stuck through it with her, but at the same time, my lady has stuck through it with her friend through some pretty bad stuff as well. Amazing that some of the best friendships are formed out of the most hellish and chaotic of circumstances, but I can attest to that myself.
Her friend had totally written the older boys off, proclaiming that she doesn't know how my lady has even survived this long. She flat out told me today that if those were her kids, she would be in prison now for assault and battery of her own kids, cause there is NO way on earth that she could have taken the amount of s*** that my lady has put up with. I've just kept saying no, they may be bad, it may look hopeless, but that is not my take on it. She finally came around today and said okay, there is hope for them, but something would have to drastically change because if it goes the way it is now, it's only going to get worse.
Totally agreed with her on that point. I also said that my first reaction when I hear the stuff they say and do to her, I would just want to haul off and stuck a boot up their ass and make them feel reeeeaaaaalll good about what they had just said or done. But I know that isn't the answer, they are in the same hell she is and they need something to grasp onto and get a hold of that will change their lives. It isn't me, either, it's definitely God they need but as her friend said today: they need a real man around that place and she went further to say that her ex is NOT a man by any stretch of the imagination and going on to say even worse things.
She has seen it for 15 years, she knows the guy well enough. It would be good for the man to get some counseling, he has already and finally admitted he is responsible for destroying that family. He rejects his own offspring to the point of telling the oldest boy still living at home that they - the kids - were the reason the divorce happened. What kind of sick mind does it take to tell your own kid that divorcing his mom was the kid's fault? But I flat out told her I have hope for them. With the right kind of attention and influence, they can still be saved.
And she can't leave overnight. I mean, like in the hands of the older boys. Not even a happening event. That house would come down, so to speak, by the time she got back. Blame the ex only? No. Blame them both. I don't believe she should be let off the hook, either, and her best friend certainly does not. Let her off the hook, that is. She tells her like it is and that's a good thing. Her friend has 8 children, so it's not like she doesn't know what it's like to have a bunch of kids around.
Well that's enough. Pretty much what my little world has been revolving around for a while now.
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