Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Driving through Fry's parking lot today.  Going 5 mph or less.  Prolly less, I am no hurry with a bunch of humans around.  A guy gets out of his car, babbling on his cellphone, he walks towards the store, along and next to a line of cars.  I am up to him when he starts to walk in front of me, but I'm already there, just slowly keep cruising.

I must have an anger problem.  This guy goes livid.  I don't even know what's going on excepting the person that works for Fry's is looking up with a discerned face over the top of my car. I couldn't hear anything, I was looking over at her to make sure we weren't going to - connect in an very unfortunate way - since she was in the driveway but on the side, dealing with shopping carts.

I look the other way and here is this black dude, glaring at me and mouthing off.  I stopped the car and opened the door. What's going on?  You need to slow down, blah blah blah.  Trash talk.  I don't get into that crap and I won't tolerate it.  Something around a 20 year old punk going on and on. I frankly told him if he hadn't been so consumed by his phone call, he might have actually LOOKED to see if a car was coming.  MUCH more trash talk.   I finally told him where he could stick it and I would be happy to stick something up there if he continued.  His verbiage was getting really bad, to the point I wanted to get out of my car and knock his teeth out of his head.

Not much the words of a Christian, much less the thoughts of one.  I forced myself to not say another word after the line that told him a baseball bat could be forced up his @$$. This isn't worth it.  I have to get over this stuff.  The enemy pushing my buttons, using people to do it.  I really wanted to just shut him up and then, I stopped.  I just closed the door to the car and drove off.  These kids thinking they are bad, my gosh, starting crap with people they don't know, don't know what those people are capable of.  I was waiting for him to kick or hit my car, though, and the car would have stopped immediately and the situation would have been dealt with post-haste.

When such things happen, my teenage years leap into my mind and things that I shouldn't even be entertaining go into my head.  I HAVE to find a way to tame all of this.  This guy was looking for trouble, I most definitely was NOT.  But it takes an instasecond for me get into the mode, which is unacceptable.  Sometimes the things from the past that come into my head to do to people that are starting s*** with me are unbelievable after the event is over and I start backtracking after away from the situation. WHAT was I THINKING?  I wasn't thinking, just letting raw emotion take over.

I didn't care in my teenage years and most of the people I hung out with didn't care, either.  Someone gonna start trouble, they BETTER be ready to back it up, because we were all over it. I could tell stories, but - well anyway.  My fighting days started the first day of Kindergarten in the slums of Pittsburgh and "grew" from there.  This is something that I have, actually, gotten much better at, but obviously still have a ways to go.

I can only say that at least I drove off.

Gag. Sticking point in my life, gotta just find it within myself to bless those people, let it go and move on.

This I know: These situations are going to keep occurring until I am fully over it, released from it, have it dealt with in my life and I can just smile and say sorry, even if I didn't DO anything wrong.  That's the hard part! People starting trouble with other people about something the other person didn't do!  Yet, I understand the enemy and how he works, I still, so far, fall for it every time.

Done with that.  Tomorrow, my manager is going to be gone after a few hours there in the morning and they aren't sending anyone to take over the branch.  Which is not that big of a deal - but I will be out on the road and that new kid - the one with the mouth and attitude - will be "running" it.  He is still doing more of nothing than working. I am ignoring him at this point, instead of speaking my mind.  I don't much care for people that "work" at a place for an hourly wage yet screw off at least half the day and apparently are getting away with it.  It's obvious he won't be doing ANYTHING while everyone is out of the building.

Lol, but I AM getting over that.  They want to let him sit around screwing off, then let them and him.

Enough.

ben









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