Wednesday, January 13, 2016

You Might Be A Great Dane Owner If......

 When you wake up to a giant snout licking your face.
 When you get home the first thing you do is see your doggy rofl.
 When you have a separate bed for your dog that is at least the same size as your bed.
 When you walk him down the street and you know you are going to be stopped at least once with the usual question. 

When you have more pics of your Dane in your phone than anything or anyone else.You find out your private conversations with your Dane are public knowledge - and they quote back to you what you say to your dog.

 When it's time to go to bed and the dog looks at you with longing eyes, pleeeeaaaasssseeeeee let me sleep with you?

 When you go to buy dog food and your usual purchase is 2 or more 50 pound bags of food and people are giving you the crazy look. 

When dinner becomes a publicly traded commodity - with your Dane. 

When sitting in your Lazy Boy and the dog comes up to you and his head is higher up than yours! 

When you go to Tractor Supply and buy a flat shovel - to clean up your Dane's cow sized poop.

When you go to the bathroom and - the Dane is trying to stuff himself through the door to be with you - in the bathroom while you are doing your thing. No, I don't allow THAT! LOL 

When you're walking down the street with your Dane/s and people come out on their porch and start a long distance shouting conversation with you. "What kind of dog is that?" being yelled at you from a minimum of 100 to over 300 feet away.

Or do it like Jeff Foxworthy and rednecks: YOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUU..... MIGHT BE.....A DANE OWNER.................when you're walking the dog down the main street and people stop in the middle of traffic to take photos of the dog! 

YOOOOOUUUUU.......MIGHT.....be a Dane owner if you take him to the vet and he REFUSES to get on the scale no matter how many people are trying. "Uhhhh, sir, we have to have his weight to determine how much heart worm medicine to give him" "Well what do you want me to do, the dog is sitting down like a donkey, he won't budge!" "Can you pick him up? We can weigh you both and then weigh you and then subtract the weight". Have you EVER picked up a 150 pound dog? That doesn't want to be picked up? I found out that day how much overweight I am!

 YOUUUUUUU...MIGHT....Be an Dane owner if the roast you just pulled out of the oven and have resting on the kitchen counter mysteriously disappears. Everyone is looking at everyone else? Huh? What happened to the roast? And thennnnnn.... you look at a giant dog.....licking it's chops with the MOST pathetic look you have ever seen on anyone or any dog! 

YOOUUUUUUU..... MIGHT>>> Be a Dane owner if when you pull up to a drive thru window and the window in the back is open - of course - the Dane's head is sticking out the window and the worker at the window inncoently looks out to recieve the payment and gasps - either in horror, disbelief or delight - when they see the dog. Amplify that by a thousand if you have 2 or more Danes in the car! And I'm sorry, but I can't avoid the nasty stuff.....

YOOOOOUUUUUUU.....MIIIIIIGGGGGGHHHHHTTT....BE A DANE OWNER....if you wake up in the middle of the night and have the most foul smell you have ever smelled curling your nostrils. You get up, you already know what happened, you just have to find it. You walk into the bathroom cause it ain't in your bedroom and find out the dog has diarhea. That after you just stepped in it in your bare feet while walking into the bathroom. You look at the floor, the walls, the toilet, the shower and everything else - covered with it. It is 2 am and you spend almost 2 solid hours cleaning up the mess. You look at your Dane with sympathy - and then realize he could do it all over againt - OUT! Get thee thither! 

And on a little more sober note, when your dog brings great joy to a person that is depressed, going through hard times and the encounter they have with your dog gives them at least a moment of brevity and a glimpse back to when times were better. I could go on...and on...and on..it's the fun and wonder of being a Dane owner!

6 am in Torrance, CA. Yesterday, I witnessed the most beautiful wedding I'm likely to ever be a part of, ever.  I'm still just amaz...