Tuesday, December 25, 2018

My mom.
Wow.
Interesting discussion tonight.
I've thought about this for awhile anyway.
She can't live on her own forever.  She's going to need help.
She made this image up when we were kids.

I eventually saw through the parody of not being able to reach out to others
and tried to correct my course through that.  Parental influence on your early
years is pretty much life long whether anyone wants to admit it or not. 

It was a long battle.  I still have problems reaching out to people if I really, really need
some help.  I have lost faith in most of human kind tho. People are generally selfish in this
current day and age and have very little concern for their fellow man/woman.

There are exceptions of course.  I'm not even sure my view of it is realistic.  It's what I
was raised in. Just like - tho not really coming from my parents - black people are bad.
In various forms.  I was racist as anyone could be at my early ages. But I was fighting
them every day at school, I didn't start those fights and I remember being dragged out into
hall by them frequently.  They beat the shit out of me, to be honest. I couldn't defend myself
against a gang of people.  They hated whites, we hated blacks, that was how it was. 

I spent half a lifetime getting that out of my system as well. God had a lot to do with that.
He created all of these races, all of humankind, the only partiality I see in the Bible is to Jews.
But that isn't a race.  Yet, look at how much they are hated.

Well, she brought it up in a way that I recognized that she had thought about for a while.
I don't even remember how we got there.  It was out of the blue, it had nothing to do with what
we were discussing.  It was things like "I guess I messed up in being too self sufficient" type of things.  "I understand I would be difficult to live with".  I just listened to it before offering a
rather - I dunno - a reply that didn't give any promises but not devoid of hope either.

She would be very difficult to live with.  I was there at her house for 5 days and I can tell ya, after
that period of time, I enjoyed the visit but I was ready to leave.  She has no "bad" traits at all, I can't really say. But her lifestyle and mine are not copacetic for living with each other.  Yet, I would never see her moved to a nursing home. No way. Not unless she wanted that.  And even if she said she wanted that, I would never believe it. 

So now, the reality of my mom growing old enough to the point she needs help.  She has a sound mind, she isn't dull in the head at all. But her strength is obviously giving out.  I watched that when I was there.  Things she could do last time I saw her, she can't do now.  She asks for help but she stops when it's met with a cold shoulder.  It's obvious she needs someone to go over there once a week or a couple of weeks at least and help her do things that she can not longer physically do.

I have such a connection with the family I live with tho.  I really love them as family and as far as I've heard and experienced, they do me as well. 

To make this work where I am currently living, we would all have to move.  They would have to sell the house and we would have to move to a much larger place, including a setting with an "inlaw suite" type of thing where mom could have her own place but connected to us and have access to help when she needs it. I have already talked to my friends about moving to a much larger place with land, they aren't opposed to it at all. 

But I would be dragging mom into a place where she knows no-one.  Yet, she just moved last year from one side of the valley clear to the other side - about 60 miles. She doesn't know anyone out there.  She said she did it to move closer to her drive to Payson, and yes I believe that's partially true. But I also believe it's true that she hoped her sons would help her when she needs help. 

I saw my dad in his final days last year. But he had a loving wife that was there for him the entire time. My mom literally has no one like that.  She did have a man in her life that she dearly loved, but he died of cancer.  I guess she never felt the desire to seek out anyone else. 

It wouldn't really be a hard decision for me to have that kind of setup, but I wouldn't be moving in with her. She would have to deal with where I'm at, and the situation I'm in. My friends would probably go along with a much larger house as long as there was help paying the mortgage.  I could really see how this could work out.  I don't necessarily think she's there yet - but the time is coming. 

I'm going to let some time pass on this.  But it's obviously a concern of hers.  Do you want to live in an assisted living place when you grow old? Never or rarely seeing anyone you know?  I think I'd rather die.  I am living with younger people for several reasons, this is one of them. Tho assisted living is, hopefully, a very long ways off. Mostly not living alone. My mom isn't like that. She likes living alone. She has her dog and that's all she needs. She's told me of guys hitting up on her, so I have to believe she could find someone if she really wanted to.

Well, food for thought for me. But as I said, I had already given it thought. She can't do this forever.  At the least, she already needs someone to come help her once a week or so with stuff she can't do. I'm going to give my friends at my house in Phoenix a proposition.  They can take it or leave it and I won't have ill feelings if they leave it, but it's a monetary proposition that will help them immensely. And they already help the elderly in various ways.  They like helping people is what I am saying.

But I kind of don't know about asking them.  They might feel if they say no, they're going to not be welcomed there or whatever thoughts that goes through the mind with such apprehension.  I wouldn't hold it against them at all, they already do enough, but their money factor and my offer would definitely come into play.  People I trust that wouldn't try to take advantage of her. 

This thing will play out.  I dunno how, but it will.  My middle brother wouldn't do it. My oldest brother is retiring next year. Don't really think he'd like that at all.  Like, maybe build a separate dwelling for her on his property.  She has a place to live, but not in anyone's hair.  Just, I need this and that, please. I don't think she'd want to move out here, there are no mountains.  She would lose access to her property up north. But that day is coming anyway. Sooner or later she won't be able to drive and her freedom will be stripped from her. 

Have you ever thought of driving as a freedom? Well, get rid of it for a while and then come back to me about that experience.  When you become reliant on someone else to take you everywhere, your freedom to move about as you please is gone.  Granted the area she lives in has abundant Uber and Lyft and it's pretty reasonable, but going up north? 

I'm just going to wait and see how this plays out, that's all I can say.























Merry Christmas to All!

Merry Christmas everyone!
To the whole world!
Reporting from Defiance, Ohio, where it's rather cold (at least my version of it, in the 30's and dropping rapidly), it is forecast to snow and I'm snug as a rug in a comfy hotel.

There was absolutely no way I was going to get up here on Christmas Day at 4:00pm and sit here in a truck for 14 hours, waiting at an entry gate to a plant.  Just no.  I paid for this room myself, but I get a holiday bonus so that will pay back the room and then some. In fact, I dunno if I'll even leave here to be there at 6 am.

The plant is like 18 miles away, where I'm at now is the closest stop to that place. I did stay once at another hotel in a different town probably 30 miles from here, but I didn't know about this area here until Iphone maps took me out this way once and I was like, well heck, if I ever have to stay again, it will be here!

My plan for getting here at the time I wanted to actually worked out perfectly. The only glitch I had was yesterday evening, the lights went out on the trailer.  My heart sank when I saw that.  This trip would have to work out perfectly to make it worth it getting a hotel up here.  I mean, if I'm arriving and going straight to sleep, I'll just do that in my truck .  I took the electrical pigtail connector apart and walaah, same problem: one line is shorter than the rest, causing tension on that line and eventually pulling it out.  I may just stop somewhere and have that pigtail replaced, the mechanic likes to argue too much. And get a second opinion on those tires.

Anyway, I pushed out 635 miles yesterday and 389 today getting my 1,000 plus mile trip over with and very glad to not be at home right now.  Word came today that sickness has caught the house and I always get whatever they have every time some virus hits everyone.  I mean, a miserable Christmas?  Tho I would have probably gone over to see Rene and visit with her so she wouldn't be alone today.

But, since I'm gone, she has my dogs and those are more than enough for her.  In her world, those dogs are the same as humans.  I don't quite take dog companionship that far, but yes they are fun to have around and they are really family members. 

The only other thing that lingered in my mind was eating.  I called numerous restaurants here today, including Applebee's and Buffalo Wild Wings - both advertising to be open today - neither of them answered their phones. Called a few other places, no answer.  I decided not to chance it, stopped at Petro, went into Iron Skillet where they were having a Christmas feast buffet.  I loaded up a to go box with that stuff and then got a fresh cooked streak and eggs for the road right there and then. I'm very glad I did that.  The only place I saw open was an Asian restaurant and right now, that kind of food is off the menu for me.

Keto diet, you know.  I'm full fledged into Ketosis and I see no good reason to depart from it.  I brought my test strips with me. I've been eating too much, I guess, but it is the holiday. Even tho I'm in ketosis, I'm not really losing much weight.  Probably after the New Year is when I'll get back into not only counting carbs, but also calories. 

So I have my buffet stuff here and will be munching that down a little later.

Meanwhile, my mom sent me some present in the mail, I decided to bring those with me so I'd have something to open here.  Included was a pair of thermal socks - of which I forgot to bring mine with me - I have high dollar socks that keep your feet warm even if they are wet - these are thermals.  I will be using those in the morning.  It's going to be in the 20's from what I am reading.  And then a cool neck thing - I think you put it in the refrigerator and wrap it around your neck when it's hot. 

Well I can use that during the hot summer months. 

And a check.  I won't disclose the amount, but rather surprising.  It will go straight to savings.  Save, save, save is my motto, while still being able to afford some nicer things in life.  Enjoy it while I can, right?  It's been a nice Christmas, really. Not near anyone to have any social time with - that's what I wanted to go to Buffalo Wild Wings for - I'm not sure why the sites say these places are open. Must either be a company or franchisee option.  Applebee's is allegedly open everywhere, but it's definitely closed.  Just the only thing that didn't quite work out, I really would have liked to sit at a bar and just chat with people.  I'm good at starting up conversations with strangers when I'm in the mood. 

Okay. It's going to snow here tonight, so the forecast says!  I hope so! 

So how are y'all doing today? Did you have a Merry Christmas?

I hope so : )










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