Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Wednesday/What Would YOU Do?

I was busily writing up my daily entry when I got sidetracked by an email that Mary sent to me. Putting that entry and the situation with Mary aside, I have yet another thing going on in my home.
I've been checking my video surveillance - particularly the one in here, for any sign that Mary might be trying to access my computer. It takes a while to go through that much footage, I don't relish the chore.
Well, an interesting scenario is being played out on a daily basis, really, with the newer tenant.

The guy is helping himself to my food.
Nothing extravagant - a $1.00 can of chili I bought when it was on sale here, a LOT of bread there. I see him going through my refrigerator - don't know what he's looking for. He'll get out my tub of margarine, make numerous slices of toast. He'll look up at the camera - guess he's wondering if I'm going to catch him or if the thing is really on.
He goes into my cupboard with the coffee and helps himself to a pot of coffee as well.

I had noticed that it seemed food was disappearing. A normal event when Michael or/and Caleb are around, but certainly shouldn't be happening when neither of the 2 are here.

Now, to put it into perspective, we're talking $1.00 loaves of bread, $1.00 cans of chili, cheap stuff.

Then I saw him doing laundry. Video surveillance saw, that is. He grabs MY laundry detergent and helps himself! I buy the cheap stuff - but - I don't need to buy detergent very often as I only do laundry once a week. Sometimes 4 loads, sometimes more, but a bottle of detergent can last up to 2 months, if not more.

Not now. That was what was starting to get me wondering - I simply don't use that much of the stuff and though I buy the cheaper stuff, it's still not "cheap".

What else is he doing? I dunno. He came out of a homeless shelter when he moved in here, I have learned. He came back from Florida and was starting his life over. He knows a "higher-up" at the cab company he works for and that person got him a job right away. As soon as he got his first paycheck, he started looking for rooms to get out of that place. He moved in with another person - but it was too far away and started looking again. He's all of 3 miles from work now.

Examining his spending habits.
He takes a taxi to and from work every day. He gets a discount, yes, but it's still very expensive for someone who really isn't making a great deal of money. That particular habit - if lost - would save him a lot of money.

He's been buying things for his room. Nothing major or grand.

He pays the full rent, on time, every time. No questions or guffaws, he always pays his rent.

He doesn't really appear to do much beyond going to work and coming home.

I started getting very irritated watching him going through my cupboards and taking things, but I got out of my skin for a moment and decided to take a view from the biblical perspective. He's got $50 to go on his security deposit. His next paycheck he intends on paying it off. After that, he'll have another $50 per paycheck - every 2 weeks - to work with. Not alot - but if one spends it on food, perhaps one can not take things that aren't ones to take.

Anyways, the Bible says if any man asks of you.....give. Problem here is, he didn't ask and isn't telling me he's taken anything. I know from much personal experience and watching a lot of others going through the same thing that the lack of money even for eating purposes takes it's toll on a person. No food equals hunger equals desperation.

I've decided that it isn't really bothering me that bad - mostly because I have severe issues with Mary that take priority right now and more because he pays his rent on time. The logical mind will say that paying rent does not equal taking one's things.
Mercy may say something different.
I have an idea what some people will say about this - but I would love to hear your take on this situation. I have not spoken a word to him about this yet.

What would you do? Why?

Back to finishing the Mary post.


  1. Well, Ben, I'm a nuturer and a mother, so I really wouldn't mind him eating my food. In fact, I'd be the sort to make sure he ate.

    But, I do understand the situation you are in. I know it's not a free for all there and it shouldn't be.

    I do think, however, when he's caught up with his deposit and has that extra money that you tell him that you know he's been eating and using your laundry soap and maybe suggest he buy "communal" detergent and some "communal" food. Or just say, "hey, I'm outta coffee, do you mind picking some up while your out?"

    It's a tough situation but he does sound like he wants to be in a better situation than what he was.

    Bless you, Ben. You really are a good man.


  2. Just have a conversation with him and ask him if he intends on pitching in with those items...I can't say I would get worked up but on the other hand it is best if you had that stuff out in the open...

  3. I agree with Fijufic. I was gonna say "communicate with him". Don't let this fester. Bring it up with him (in a kind way), that you know what he's taken of your stuff, and that you understand his circumstances; but that when his situation is better, you'd appreciate him chipping in a little on the extra groceries and cleaning supplies, as you can't be responsible for room and "board"; the rent is simply the "rent". Surely he'll understand. Your tone and demeanor will let him know you care about his welfare, but that with the other boys to provide for, every dollar counts! You have a kind heart!

  4. This is pretty mild stuff compared to the way the horde used to go through your food and other stuff.

    I wonder whether he sort of feels like it is included as long as he doesn't overdo it.

    But I agree that your focus needs to be on the much more dangerous situation you are facing, and as long as he pays on time, you should be able to work it out.

  5. You know what I've learned to love about this internet diary/journaling/blogging stuff? So many fine people coming along, with so totally different lives, and upbringing, and beliefs, and backgrounds - giving unhindered advice and support. I admit I don't ALWAYS take the advice - but I usually take a lot of it, put it together and come up with a plan of some sort.

    I haven't really given a lot of thought about this situation - and I think Fin nailed it: This is pretty mild stuff compared to the way the horde used to go through your food and other stuff.

    True that!

    Shannon: I'm a giver - many times when I can't afford to give. I hurt myself in some way or another in the financial element when I do that - yet I still do it anyway. I think the thing that is sorta getting to me here is that I am not given the opportunity - through him simply either asking beforehand or at least saying something afterward - that he has no food and can't buy any til' payday. I've fed him numerous times - well everytime - I'm cooking and he's around. I always make plenty of food with leftovers. Only one dish that I make hardly ever lasts beyond the first, second and third round of pigs feeding at the trough, lol.

    Bobby: You're right, nothing to get worked up about. But - still - there's this element that some of the stuff he has been eating is food stuffs I have been putting away for my little food bank. I have put a lot of stuff in the bedroom closet - out of reach, maybe that stuff should just be all be moved in there.

    Benita: I'm getting the drift that communicating with him about it is the best thing to do - I'm just attempting to figure out when the right time is and I really don't want to come across as though I think he's mooching or stealing. I don't see it that way because I know his situation first-hand - people have to eat, what more is there to say? He has a place to live, I got him a TV so he can watch whatever in his room, and I feed him often beyond that of which he is taking. I'm still trying to figure this out, really.

    Fin: Mary sent me a whopper of an email today. It took me back to the first tenant - the "Tenant From Hell/Hades". In it, she threatens to sue me for the work she's done here, states that I haven't given her ANY rent compensation, and a lot, a WHOLE lot more. It's a LONG email. I think it was Yacky that came here and declared this woman an extreme manipulator - I agree. I wrote her back and told her basically that her presense is no longer desired here, if she would leave, I would drop the hearing and wouldn't go after her wages. That it would be far better if we could just part amenably, etc etc etc. I meant it, too. I don't really want to make an enemy of her - but - it's time for her to go. My focus is totally on this situation, as I feel the same kinds of feelings I was having when that other lady was calling my work, and filing lawsuits and getting orders of protection - all of those things have been quelched, but Lord KNOWS I don't want to go through that again.

  6. I think you could bring it up with him anytime, especially since you seem so open minded. Maybe he can help you do repairs around the place until he can start getting his own food.
    I hope Mary backs off soon. She's definitely got some issues!

  7. Ben, we don't expect you to take all this advice. It is just good to see perspective.

    As for Mary? You have to get rid of her immediately. She is a festering boil on the butt of humanity.


  8. And keep a very watchful eye on those plants she worked on. If something happens to them, video surveillance could be pivotal to the outcome.

  9. Hi Kate! Good ideas.

    Hey, Bobby: I always take everyone's comments in the "collective" and peruse the wisdom and experience of others might have to impart in whatever situations. Lol - good way to put it.

    Benita: Amen!

    Fin: My newer tenant has been saying the same thing. He doesn't work on Wednesdays and Thursdays and has stated she has only been to work once this week - ??!!! He thought she was going to dig up my plants this morning when she went out there and started working on the front again, instead. Crazy woman - I have more stuff on her I am going to report in my next entry.


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