However, getting to sleep was another story entirely.
Extreme temptation came over me to the likes I haven't experienced in quite a while.
Not going to go into the specifics, but I was laying in bed, looking at the news on my laptop. After I started praying, well, the next thing I knew, I was waking up, laptop still there, didn't remember going to sleep and then remembered what I had been experiencing and also the fact that - it was gone.
Strange stuff.
Woke up at 5:30 am - slept in an hour - and got up to take a shower. Immediately upon exiting the shower, I heard what sounded like a horn going off. Couldn't tell for sure, but got dressed quickly and headed outside. The old Buick, the horn was going off by itself. Upon hitting the center of the steering wheel, it went off, only to come on again 5 minutes later. I am sure the neighbors must have loved that, that horn on that car is very loud, old style thing, not one of this high pitched irritant horns, this is just a plain out blaster.
I got it to go off- but if it keeps happening I am going to disconnect the horn entirely. I decided to go out and see how my fishies are doing in this cold weather. It got down to 30 degrees, I think, this morning and it's still 45 degrees out at almost 11:00 am. One pond has a heater, the other does not. They were just sitting there, not moving, which I expected in being in such cold conditions.
Off to Denny's. Nice Lumberjack slam - going to eat well until tomorrow Sundown and then it's time to engage in that 21 day fast. After that, I headed to Whole Foods. Interesting store, definitely geared for vegetarians - of which I am not - but bought a bunch of stuff I figured to take the place of meat. I know what I am fasting that after a while, just about anything starts tasting like a steak dinner. Lol.
After that the bank and a deposit and then off to Petco. If one pond is going to have a heater, they both are. The third pond has no fish in it. I am going to deal with that pond in the Spring, until then, it's just got plants in it. Anyway, the $39 spent on a 300 watt heater (highest wattage heater they had available), I figured the cost of that and extra electricity still would come nothing close to the cost of replacing those fish if they all died out there because of it getting too cold.
It is an interesting journey to get my mind completely back to the point it was long ago, before the church fiasco, divorce, loss of friends, etc etc etc. Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.
Isaiah 26:3 This isn't mumbo-jumbo, pie-in-the-sky, this is reality. This is what I am striving for, constantly, throughout the day and even in my sleep. There is nothing else in this life. The world has nothing to offer. It's all empty. Whatever is "distracting" you for a season may seem like "something" but in the end, it's empty, void of life, a complete and total distraction from the Lord and frankly, used of the enemy to make you impotent for any usage in the Kingdom of Heaven while on this earth. You work your entire life, you might save up some money for retirement, you retire and then you die.
I'm not opposed to working and I am not opposed to saving up for retirement, but in and of itself, it is an empty bowl, it has nothing in it that has anything of eternal consequence. When I stand before the Lord, I am fairly sure He isn't going to ask me how much I saved up for my retirement or until what age I worked. He may be interested in how much of my wealth I gave out in helping the needy and poor. He probably will be interested if I actually followed after Him with my whole heart, soul, mind and strength. Did I preach the Gospel and win souls to the Kingdom?
I have completely wasted almost 8 years of my life and though I am not happy about it, I am not going to live in regret and pity about it, either. It's simply time to move on. To live out the book of Acts, if I have any spiritual goals, in my own personal walk with the Lord, that is what I am seeking. Miracles and healing weren't just for the Apostles. These are visual signs that God gives for the non-believers to see that God is real and that He is actually interested in each and every human being. There is little to be had in a walk with the Lord that is void of his power and authority working through His people to show to the world that God IS Almighty, glorious, ever-lasting and able to do that which He says.
It is interesting that many of the things that are happening in my life - seem to be happening all at once. The 21 day fast? I made a vow to the Lord some 25 plus years ago about a fast I had started, that I would go for 21 days. I broke that vow as I only lasted - well a week I think it was - it was a total fast though, no food, just liquids. Perhaps it's the timing of it to keep my vows and do what I told the Lord I was going to do so long ago. It's a "thing" that has been sitting in the back of my mind all of these years. I fully expect to make it through this fast.
That's it, for now.
ben
