Afternoon

I sat outside for much of the afternoon.
I dug some holes for the trellises but decided I wanted to coat the 2X4's with some stuff to help preserve it before sinking it into the ground. They won't last forever, but - 5 - 10 years anyway. I also want to cement them into the ground, and I only have 1 bag of cement.

I also discovered that a 4X8 trellis stood upright is perfect for the area it's covering. I have 2 trellises, I will need at least 4 more plus 2X4's - but no hardware besides wood screws.

I'm still pretty dazed about today's revelation at work. There is, undoubtedly, more to come. I won't be "getting over" it this weekend, I will, instead, be thinking about the ramifications. It's not all bad. There is always opportunity. My opportunity is to shine even more - do whatever I can - work my ass off - get good attention versus negative - towards my efforts to make things work. I will be busy at this point. There will be no more boring days, I don't think anyway. Between my driving duties and undoubted new warehousing opportunities, it should get better in terms of day's spent working versus days spent trying to invent things to do.

3 boys laying around sleeping. Are they on drugs? Extremely doubtful. More like they stayed up way too late last night. Michael is vehemently opposed to drug use. My son and J.D. are all on the same page. Probably one of the reasons they hang out - they don't smoke weed like a mass of other kids are doing nowadays and have something in common. I am not naieve - obviously any or all of them could give into. I smoked pot in my teens for 7 years straight - I have a very keen sense of who's smoking. The signs are fairly obvious. No. J.D. is the straightest kid around - he sleeps alot. He comes over here and dozes off frequently. Currently laying on Michael's bed, totally passed out. Michael - currently laying on the couch - sleeping. Caleb - currently in his bedroom - sleeping. Not a normal event, no. But - I observed all 3 of them intently and saw no sign of drug use. I only say that because it is so very rampant - the free flow of drugs - in these parts.

As for me, I'm going to bed early. The day has had enough toll on me. I called my now ex-coworker - he had his cellphone turned off. Can always tell when it goes immediately to voice mail - that or the person is on the phone at the time of the intended call. I left a message and offered my condolences for the loss of his job and my hopes that he will be able to find another in short order. I feel very bad for him. He is married, doesn't have any kids, so - not that bad. His wife works and there is still income. I have listened to him talking about his home life intently for a couple of years now - he could definitely cut out more stuff and still be doing okay. Not that I wish that upon people - but when times get tough, it's time to toughen up. I have to sit here with a hide of alligator at times. The stuff the sometimes comes at me can be hard-to-take.

I mostly just let it bounce off of me and respond according to what the situation dictates. I only say that because I have 3 tenants - equating to strangers - living in here and the mix of personalities goes to all ends of the spectrum. Toughening up means doing things you don't want to do. That's all I'm saying.

And all I'm saying now? I'm heading to my bedroom cause' I want to get some stuff done tomorrow which doesn't leave room for idling around the kitchen.
ben

Saturday - Layoffs

I JUST got a call from my boss. My boss calling me on a Saturday morning at 11:00am is definitely not a normal thing - I braced myself. But not too much - if I were getting laid-off, they most certainly wouldn't do it over the phone. My company has a lot more class than that, I do believe.

So, I'm thinking - maybe an emergency that needs some material delivered somewhere? Or - the really bad stuff.

It was the really bad stuff. My friend/co-worker was laid off Friday after I left work for the weekend. I kind of had to sit down on that one. 2 reasons: I hate to see him lose his job - his family is already struggling, and 2, because after I listened to my boss, I realized I have just dodged another bullet. Kinda took the wind right out of me. Literally.

I'm really kind of phased and dazed right now. I don't know what to say. My friend and I have talked about the possibility of losing our jobs - the writing was on the wall. I have talked on here - just yesterday or the day before in fact - well it was in regards to the manager's meeting. I knew something was coming down the pike, and here it is. I don't know if anyone else was let go as well, but I wouldn't be surprised if that happened as well.

So, I'm just sitting here absorbing this. Our store is down to 2 people: my boss and I. The store has to have a driver - they don't operate without one. If one of our stores doesn't have a driver, that's cause that store is being shut down, which hasn't happened yet. I will be taking on alot more responsibility, undoubtedly, in counting freight and putting it away, pulling orders, and doing most everything. The boss is a worker - he won't just dump it all on me, but if we get busy, it could get interesting. Regardless, I'm going to rise to meet the challenge and hopefully continue to prove myself someone worth keeping, if that possiblity exists. The company is going to continue to downsize as the market "adjusts".

I'm glad I got some thing cleared out today, because now? I'm not going to do anything. I'm not sulking, it's more like I bullet just grazed my head and I survived, but now looking at what could have happened. My only response is that I'm a survivalist and I will do whatever I have to - within moral limits - to survive. I don't much care for that word - it has some sort of stigma with me in my mind for whatever reason - but - it's my reality and a lot more people's right now.

Well, anyway, I'm going to kick around the house and try to do some things that might just take all of this off of my mind. Wish me luck with that.
ben