Well, I didn't go.  I ended up sleeping too late and I just gave up on it.  At least I got my Bible out...no church this weekend for I am working, the manager sent another run that covers tomorrow through Sunday. I would like to keep on working into next week, frankly.  I'll try the Bible study again next time I'm free on a Wednesday.  Note that I don't feel bad in not going.

I hooked up the trailer, went over to the park and then this park host son comes out. Haven't really talked to him in many moons for I was not happy with the results and the deal for that free spot was between his father and I, not his father, him and me.  Or, his father, mother, sister, him and I.  So, we chatted and were looking that the 4 wheeler trying to figure out what was going on with it.  Made some headway, he said he'd fiddle with it...if he can get it running I'll hand him some cash, not too much but enough to keep him interested in doing more.  If he can't, it's going on the trailer and to yet another shop.  

I then got on the tractor -after filling up a flat tire on it, it's got a slow leak on one of the front tires - and got busy taking gravel from the rear and filling holes in the front.  During all of this, the other guy did, indeed, show up with a massively long trailer.  That was a bit of a relief. Not staying more than a month, I just take whoever whenever for however long.  I can't be picky about that, especially not with so many open spaces.  I don't have any overnighters coming in for 6 more days - tho that can easily change of course.  

Got done with those holes and was heading up front to try to take down that big mound when the boy showed up. He's the one that owns the tractor - well his family owns it but they are letting him use it.  I had tried again today to use the bush hog attachment, just not doing anything.  So we discussed it and he said he'd get to working on it later after school.  He's got a job and going to school here.  Hopefully he'll get it fixed for there is plenty more weed whacking that needs to be done.  

Yeah, got quite a bit done but then decided to go home for lunch. Lately, it's go somewhere to eat, like Applebee's, but I'm trying to follow through with my decision to cut back on eating out. Plenty of food at the house, especially since I went personal grocery shopping yesterday.  

With the rest of today?  I think I'll start sifting through endless papers and start chucking old stuff. That is going to be a process that will take a lot longer than one afternoon, but I'd like to get a start on it.  I've got far too many papers around here, just need to get rid of "stuff".  

 Wednesday - early

I don't have work today but one of the alarm clocks went off, woke me up and I was like, oh well might as well get up and see the kids off to school.  They get up amazingly early for being young children, I remember those days of getting up before the sun comes up.  I'd make breakfast for dad and then I'd get my stuff and walk a few miles to school.  It's good, I think, to get kids into the habit of getting up early and having to go through a structured day where the entire day is one thing after another after another until the final bell rings and they get on a bus and come home.  

It's a veritable mess trying to take kids to school nowadays where you see a hundred cars lined up to either drop them off or pick them up. You've seen it, surely you have. It's 3:30 pm somewhere even out in the middle of nowhere, you come up on an elementary school and you see a huge line of cars waiting.  We have a school a block away and it happens every day around that time.  They are forced, at least, to wait on certain streets and not allowed to line up every single street in the neighborhood.  

Oh, one of the alarms? A motorcycle.  James rides his bike to work.  I'm used to having either a motorcycle or a pickup waking me up every morning if I'm not already awake.

Now then, to go or not to go.  I"m struggling with this because of the past and my extremely negative experiences with churches. Just get over it, right? I hear people saying this to other people and the other people get pissed off and tell the person that just said that to go eff themselves or something similar.  One of my friends whose wife died a few years ago goes through this with people he knows.  My friend has  meltdown, he gets extremely pissed off.  Who are you to tell me to get over anything?  You go through a traumatic experience and you don't just shake it off. You try to get past it, yes, if you are so inclined. Many people don't even get that far.

So, I'm doing good just to get myself to church every Sunday, worship the Lord and listen to a message - and then leave.  It has nothing to do with God, I love the Lord, but I am not in love with people who exert themselves over you and say rude or nasty things to you and think they are doing a service for the Kingdom of Heaven.  I'm full of faults, I freely admit that.  I am not Mother Theresa or Paul the Apostle, Moses, Elijah or anyone else that is either famous for their humble service to the Lord or are written about in the Bible.  

It is without a doubt I will not make the 7:00 am study and I'm still contemplating whether I will even go to the 8:30 am version.  Im not going to the 7:00 am one because I would have to leave in a few minutes and no.  I spent my time with the kids this morning, one of them asked me to get up today. That's not a problem with the motorcycle alarm clock lol.  Umm, I'm thinking about it, that's what I can say.

Meanwhile, a man moved in yesterday, he paid up in advance and then later on I saw him pulling in on the outside camera. Nice looking trailer, no issues there. Another person is supposedly moving in today and a third is perhaps moving in the next couple of days. I have a "confirmation" from the one moving in today, the others - who knows. Probably not.  

I'm also struggling with the idea of increasing the size of the park, it's taken this long to get a few new people in there, how long, if ever, would it take to fill up 25 more spaces?  And in the interim, if that even happens, how will I pay what would likely be around a $2,500-$3,000 mortgage?  Oh I can pay that kind of mortgage and make great money if the lots are mostly full.  Big if in this market.  There are X amount of people in campers and they want the cheapest deal they can find and they don't care where they stay in that quest, for the most part anyway.  

I just don't know right now and this question has popped up in my mind because the contractor texted me yesterday and said they just need a few more quotes and they will have a price ready to send to me.  It's going to be well over 100k, I am guessing that for sure. The cost of everything from wiring to gravel has gone way up and they sure aren't paying for it.  Plus you have a 20 year loan maturity, so you are stuck with those payments until it's either paid off, death or sell it.  I wouldn't mind being stuck with the payments as long as the revenue is good.  

I see so many new parks and new parks being built in the region, not just my town but you have to take into account all of it around you if you are trying to get the overnighters. I'm not really, not anymore anyway.  It's too sporadic and you might get 5 in one night and none in the week after that and then a few here and there.  I just don't have that kind of traffic coming in, I need the long term. 

Or, I need such superb amenities at such a cut throat rate that people won't be able to resist coming in.  A clubhouse with pool tables and a pool, hot tub, out door games, etc.  When you see places like that, you understand they've spent millions of dollars building it out like that.  

No thank you.  Even if I could get a loan for that kind of money, I wouldn't do it.  What I had of my life saving's are tied up into this venture I have now, I do not want to put that at risk.  

I found my Bibles. Yup, it's been a minute.  I go online to find scriptures now, I don't typically look at a book version anymore.  But I have 2 Bibles, I think I have 3 but I don't know where the third one is.  

You know what the thing is about a paper Bible is for me?  I have very often, in the past, just randomly opened it, looked down at what it opened up to and started reading scripture that directly spoke to my heart.  I just did that and what did I see? "Assemble yourselves!".  

I think I'm going to go back to sleep for half an hour, I didn't get enough sleep last night for I went to bed late.  Then I will try to make a decision about this church bible study....