Addler. My Great Dane dog.  Best companion ever. 2015-2023.  

Taylor went with me to the animal hospital. It was a very kind gesture and I really appreciated it.

We waited in the waiting area, then we were taken into a room. Addler was not in there.

A few minutes later, the vet came in. She was crying.  

She just threw up her hands, she didn't know how to tell us.  She was as much of a mess as we were.

She finally just said it: we were wheeling Addler into the room and he passed on the way in there.  

It was so heartbreaking. I didn't get to see my boy out of this life and world.

We all just broke down crying.  Can I go see him? They had him spread out on the floor of a small room with a blanket over him, only his head was showing.

His eyes were dimmed out. He was definitely gone.  Tears flowing down our faces, we pet him and scratched his head for a while.  It was hard.  I had to leave the room to go find tissues.  We sat maybe 15 minutes just looking at him, wishing him a big goodbye, petting him. We got up, gave him a final, loving smack on the butt, we used to do that with him all the time.

And then we left.  

He was such as sweet, loyal, trusting, obedient, playful and silly doggy.  He was so wonderful to have around. I've lost a member of my family. We have lost a member of our family.  Taylor loves animals and it hit her harder than I expected it to.

It was so nice this time to have someone with me, doesn't matter if they were crying too, I needed the support. 

The boys are next. They aren't home yet, they were going to be brought home this morning but Maria told Taylor she had forgotten that Taylor had to work today, so she would keep them til this evening. 

These boys grew up with this dog.  He has been around for the 6 year old's entire life and most of the 8 year old's life. Addler was a big part of the family and the 8 year old especially loved him.  

I know how he's going to take it, I don't have to guess.  He'll figure out as soon as he sees me what's happened,  because I am a total mess right now. That isn't likely going to disappear before they come home.  Just going to gently hug him and tell him.  

Addler.  He loved going over to the property and running free in the woods.  It was his favorite thing to do and fortunately I have several videos of him doing just that.  

I am having him cremated so I can spread his ashes around back there. I didn't want to bury him, I wanted whatever is left of his essence to become a part of the nature he so very much loved.  He was an amazing dog.  Everything you want in a dog, Addler was it. 

I truly wish I could have seen him pass, but I am relieved that he went out of this world on his own. No injecting drugs into him. No second guessing - could he have been saved? No, he left on his own.  That will be something I remember forever. 

The last time I saw him was on Monday morning when I left him there (it is now Wednesday afternoon). He wanted to go home with me.  At the time, I thought he was going to come out of this. I thought: they'll get him better and then I can take him home with me.  If I had known he was going to pass, I would have had him do it at the house.  

I have no regrets about it. I did what I thought best for him.  He was in the presence of caring people that love dogs, especially the vet.  I now know why she passed by the window in the back, looked over at us and looked sad. It's  a part of their job, I don't know how they can do it. I'm glad they do it, but I just wonder how they deal with seeing that stuff. They really like him too, they spoke about how sweet he was.  

Yes, that was Addler. Sweet and loving.  He would give you puppy dog eyes and plead for attention, of which he got.  

It is interesting that before his all happened, he was craving more attention than usual. I have to wonder if he knew.  It all happened so fast. One day he is vibrant, alive and  healthy looking, the next he's deathly sick.

I saw it, I felt it, I just didn't allow myself to register it. No, I thought, he's going to be alright.  I guess I lied to myself in the hope that he would pull out of this.

I've always loved you, Addler. You were such a good companion.  Always there for me, always at my side. 

Goodbye buddy.  

 So.

I went to Lowe's. Got the parts I needed, headed back to the park.  Checked the guy's trailer with the dog, nice and cool in there, dog is fine.

Went over to collect money - they had less than they said they did but I took it.  

Went to work.  Dug out the water line completely and installed the spigot assembly.  That is done.

Dug out the sewer line where I want the sewer hook up.  Cut 2 pieces of sewer line and installed them into the sewer Y.  My cordless saw ran out of battery power, so I plugged the battery in and went to work on the electrical outlet.  

I went over to check and see if they have a long enough extension cord to reach to where I want to put the outlet - otherwise I'd have to go buy more wire.  Looked good but I then saw they also have a 30 amp outlet.  It isn't running an ac unit, that's what the extension cord is doing.  It must just be supplying power to the rest of the rv for lights and such. 

I wasn't prepared for that, but, I just happen to have a 30 amp, outdoor, weatherproof box.  Anyway, that could be done later, I thought, I'll just go to work on the 20 amp outlet.  Got that all installed....

....and then the phone rang.  It was the animal hospital. I was expecting good news, I did not get it.

His white blood cell count is way down and some other count I forget the name of is so far down, they are sure it's cancer.  Prostate cancer.  She went on for a while about those numbers, what they mean and then she said: the dog has basically given up.  He has no fight left in him. She danced around the subject for a few minutes so I just went ahead and addressed the white elephant in the room: So you are saying he needs to be put down?  Yes.  I know, we want every doggy to be well taken care of, healed and go home but sometimes it doesn't work out that way.....I didn't hear the rest.  

Emotion started to take over and whatever else she said just didn't register excepting that they are closed between 12:30 and 1:30.  I said it's ok, I'm in the middle of a project, going to have to go home, take a shower and change.

So here I am, sitting in my bedroom, facing the prospect of watching Addler be put down.  I haven't had to deal with this since Duke was put down and that occurred while I was on the road.  I buried him at least but I didn't have the chance to see him go out of this world.  

I really thought he was going to come out of this.  I never thought he had cancer, but I guess I wasn't facing reality. He wasn't getting any better and that should have started happening by now. They say he looks like a dog that has totally given up, no fight left in him.  I expect he will perk up when he sees me but I know when it's time to go, it's time to go.

That doesn't mean it's going to be an easy thing.  I'll take care of the paperwork before they do this to him because I am going to want to leave directly after his eyes change color.  They always try to tell you he's gone, I always look in their eyes.  They go from whatever color they are to a greyish state and that, to me, is when I know they have passed.  And then, I leave and start sobbing.

And then there are these kids that aren't home yet that have never faced this before. The oldest is a very emotional person, he will be crying as well.  In fact, he will have a melt down in emotional stress.  I don't know who is going to be in worse shape, me or him. That dog has been around almost as long as he has been alive...and they like each other....he was petting him the other day before they left.  

The rest of the day is toast.  I don't care what I have to do, I'll finish it tomorrow.  I was going to get it all ready today, even going and getting the 30 amp breaker and wire I'll need, but that is just not going to happen now.  It won't take a lot to install that as far as time and the sewer setup shouldn't take but another 30 minutes.  

I can't anymore of this. I told Taylor and she came in crying. We are now both emotional wrecks. 

 I've been all up in the New Jersey people's business and will continue to do so. They have money.  If they can afford phones, cigarettes and fuel for a car they are borrowing, they can afford to pay rent.  She claimed last night after texting her yet again that she has the money she promised and that I can "get it in the morning". You're darn skippy I'll be over there, at their door, money please and thank you.  I don't want to have to contend with these people forever.  I have better things to do with my time than hunting down money from people who have to be prodded to pay.  I will ask them directly when they intend on paying next....I want a definitive date, if their story about SSI payment is true then they should have an answer by now.

Addler - no clue.  He's over there at that hospital.  I want to see him.  I don't care if they allow it or not, my dog has been in there 2 days now, I want to see him and see for myself how he is doing.  I will be insistent regardless of what they have to say about it.  I need him to start showing signs of improvement as well.  I mean, just a hope and desire of course, he just needs to get better.  I would think by now his system would start reacting to what they are doing for him?

Kids - coming home today. That was a short visit.  Not even 2 full days.  I know, it's summertime, summertime blues are hitting, school is starting soon and they can get back into a more structured - I should say much more structured - routine.  Anyway, I'm going to be watching them this afternoon, which is fine, it'll be hotter than Hades by then and I won't want to be doing anything anyway.  

It is early.  I forced my @$$ out of bed early to get to Lowe's get the stuff I forgot and get with it.  Well, that and I will now have to just install the whole setup for sewer.  I don't have the correct part and I don't have time to order one.  Lowe's doesn't sell anything like that and there are no rv parts stores in town. I don't have time to drive all over the place looking for it and hoping I find it. Buy the parts and know that I have the correct setup. More work? Definitely.  But there is an end game in sight with that versus chasing parts that I don't know if anyone has locally.  I am already dug down to the sewer line as it stands, just need to move up the line a couple of feet. 

Hard work, yes, hence getting up early.  Another 100 degree plus day.  I will be taking a change of clothing with me this time. I get covered in dirt, mud and sweat. My clothes get completely drenched in sweat.  It's ridiculous heat out there but I find I have no choice atm to do anything but get this done and over with, move that trailer over there and have the regular lot open.

One of the new people loves it here so much he is telling all of his friends that are also coming from Oklahoma that this is the best place in town.  Well that was nice.  He went on and on about how peaceful and quiet it is here and the fact that his son - in his 20's and staying with him - says the wifi here is "kick @$$".  Streaming video games, which is fairly impressive especially noting that fact that there are many other people on that system. 

It dawned on me that the potential reason people are getting kicked out of the system is that there are too many devices trying to be attached to it.  There is a button you press on the thing and it takes you through various screens, one of them tells you how many devices are hooked up to it  It can handle up to 66 devices.  People have lots of devices nowadays. It's not just phones.  There's at least 15 devices in this house alone using internet. 3 phones, music playing devices, smart tv's, cameras, everything else I'm not remembering.  

My other one has far fewer people using it, but it doesn't have enough range to cover the whole park. I'm still going to ask people close enough to start using that one instead.  

Well it isn't getting any earlier. I haven't heard from the trucking company this week - yet.  It would be odd if they "found" something and just dumped me. They did tell me that they wanted a tax return to show what I've been doing for the last year. Sorry Charlie, I started business at the beginning of the year, there is no tax return showing any of this.  I have utility bills, I have the LLC structure, but they said they would work around it.

I have heard nothing back since, but, it's Thursday, they could still call yet.  If they don't, I may just blow them off as well and find something else. There's a fuel hauling gig that does training, I'm not sure where it's located at tho.  There's another one in Tyler - it's 52 miles each way, that's too far to drive every day, especially in a gas guzzling vehicle.  Even with a car or motorcycle with great fuel economy, I wouldn't want to drive that far 5 days a week.  And, a person got in on the comments and said: "And don't forget to mention the 15 hour work days".  

The company actually admitted that that was true, but if they could get more drivers that workload would go down since it would be distributed on more people.

No thank you. I've done my share of 12-16 hour days, I'd like to leave that behind permanently if possible. If you are working  a 15 hour shift, spending an hour each way getting to and from work, what do you have left just for sleeping?  7 hours.  You have to eat, do your normal home stuff - you might as well go OTR and have less stress.  I'm being a bit picky about what I will do, that may change if this situation gets to the point I am desperate and will just have to take whatever I can get. 

There's a small town east of here that is constantly hiring drivers. Large operation.  It's all hazmat tanker stuff and local.  There's another one 25 miles east of here, just into Louisiana that does a fuel hauling service. And yet another that is also hauling fuel.  I don't know if any of those places train. Lots of them don't, they want you to have experience loading and unloading, which begs the question: where do you get training?  You just have to find a company that does it.  

Well it's not getting any earlier and I dread the idea of being out in that extreme heat, I have a goal to get a certain amount done today and finish it up tomorrow. Addler is the top priority and if they need me to come get him, pay up to current, whatever, I will automatically drop whatever I am doing and go deal with it.

With that, I'm outta here.

G'day