Addler. My Great Dane dog.  Best companion ever. 2015-2023.  

Taylor went with me to the animal hospital. It was a very kind gesture and I really appreciated it.

We waited in the waiting area, then we were taken into a room. Addler was not in there.

A few minutes later, the vet came in. She was crying.  

She just threw up her hands, she didn't know how to tell us.  She was as much of a mess as we were.

She finally just said it: we were wheeling Addler into the room and he passed on the way in there.  

It was so heartbreaking. I didn't get to see my boy out of this life and world.

We all just broke down crying.  Can I go see him? They had him spread out on the floor of a small room with a blanket over him, only his head was showing.

His eyes were dimmed out. He was definitely gone.  Tears flowing down our faces, we pet him and scratched his head for a while.  It was hard.  I had to leave the room to go find tissues.  We sat maybe 15 minutes just looking at him, wishing him a big goodbye, petting him. We got up, gave him a final, loving smack on the butt, we used to do that with him all the time.

And then we left.  

He was such as sweet, loyal, trusting, obedient, playful and silly doggy.  He was so wonderful to have around. I've lost a member of my family. We have lost a member of our family.  Taylor loves animals and it hit her harder than I expected it to.

It was so nice this time to have someone with me, doesn't matter if they were crying too, I needed the support. 

The boys are next. They aren't home yet, they were going to be brought home this morning but Maria told Taylor she had forgotten that Taylor had to work today, so she would keep them til this evening. 

These boys grew up with this dog.  He has been around for the 6 year old's entire life and most of the 8 year old's life. Addler was a big part of the family and the 8 year old especially loved him.  

I know how he's going to take it, I don't have to guess.  He'll figure out as soon as he sees me what's happened,  because I am a total mess right now. That isn't likely going to disappear before they come home.  Just going to gently hug him and tell him.  

Addler.  He loved going over to the property and running free in the woods.  It was his favorite thing to do and fortunately I have several videos of him doing just that.  

I am having him cremated so I can spread his ashes around back there. I didn't want to bury him, I wanted whatever is left of his essence to become a part of the nature he so very much loved.  He was an amazing dog.  Everything you want in a dog, Addler was it. 

I truly wish I could have seen him pass, but I am relieved that he went out of this world on his own. No injecting drugs into him. No second guessing - could he have been saved? No, he left on his own.  That will be something I remember forever. 

The last time I saw him was on Monday morning when I left him there (it is now Wednesday afternoon). He wanted to go home with me.  At the time, I thought he was going to come out of this. I thought: they'll get him better and then I can take him home with me.  If I had known he was going to pass, I would have had him do it at the house.  

I have no regrets about it. I did what I thought best for him.  He was in the presence of caring people that love dogs, especially the vet.  I now know why she passed by the window in the back, looked over at us and looked sad. It's  a part of their job, I don't know how they can do it. I'm glad they do it, but I just wonder how they deal with seeing that stuff. They really like him too, they spoke about how sweet he was.  

Yes, that was Addler. Sweet and loving.  He would give you puppy dog eyes and plead for attention, of which he got.  

It is interesting that before his all happened, he was craving more attention than usual. I have to wonder if he knew.  It all happened so fast. One day he is vibrant, alive and  healthy looking, the next he's deathly sick.

I saw it, I felt it, I just didn't allow myself to register it. No, I thought, he's going to be alright.  I guess I lied to myself in the hope that he would pull out of this.

I've always loved you, Addler. You were such a good companion.  Always there for me, always at my side. 

Goodbye buddy.