Sunday - noon.
Watching a movie.  Thinking about this job.
Trying not to look at tomorrow morning and leaving here again as some sort of negative thing.
Kinda hard at the moment.  I'd have to leave for work anyway, but I would normally be coming
home 9-1/2 hours later, not heading to some unknown destination far, far from home. 

It's the lifestyle that I've lived for the last 15 or more years that I am fighting against right now.
It's ingrained into my head and it's a tough one to crack open and "renegotiate" with  myself.  This is why I asked specifically to be home. Much more than this anyway.  I figured if I could even just sleep at home,a few nights per week, if nothing else while I'm here, that would really help me make it through this transition.

I'm not 20 years old anymore. The allure of being out on the road all the time has long since passed.   The allure, however, of making good money has not.  There just has to be a middle group these people need to find for me somehow.  I guess they don't have to do anything, but these are words I garnered from the own of the company on the very first interaction with this place.  "You live in a good area for us".  "We can have you home most nights.  You might be out one (he may have said two)".  The recruiter didn't reaffirm every night, he said they would try to accommodate as best they could for it.

Well so far, they have done nothing to accommodate for me.  They just run me constantly. I get done with on load and it' immediately on to the next thing.  It's great for miles/pay, but the lifestyle is grueling.  The hours of the day are meaningless. They only thing that counts is hours - hours of service, 14 and driving hours, 11.  Without saying it, you are expected to drive out your 11 hours if necessary on any given run and then stop, no matter what time of day it is.  It really messes with your sleep schedule. 

Now, there is a no-forced-dispatch policy.  I could say no.  But at the moment, I'm trying to decide whether I want to make a good impression on this company and eat all of this, do all this running around and live with it - or - tell them I need a more normal sleep schedule.  They determine appointment times.  That's based on how long it will take you to get there before you are even done delivering the next load. That's right, I'm to contact the dispatcher before I'm done unloading so he can crank me out to the next place.

The whole thing is perplexing. From what they told me on the phone and in writing to what is actually occurring are literally worlds apart.  I should have expected this, this is the way trucking companies operate - offer you the world, go back on their words where the rubber meets the road.  It would be a little easier if my sleep hadn't departed from me.  Even last night, in my own bed, I didn't sleep well.  Really hard to drive all day long when you're tired. 

So, in context of all this perplexity, I haven' written the recruiter yet about any of this.  I really need the money right now to get back up to even, much more ahead.  I'm looking at my credit cards and choking on all of that mess.  Way too much has been charged and I really want to pay all of that down.  A rock and a hard place, literally is where I'm at.  Consequences for any action I take, including doing nothing and continuing what I'm doing now.

Whatever the case, I fully intend on being in Lufkin, Texas at 8:00am.  Let the race begin.  Last week, after that, I dead headed 132 miles to a flour plant up north Texas.  I was amazed to find out they pay for dead heading. That didn't used to happen in the "good ole' days", any dead heading wasn't paid and you ate it, meaning you demanding that the next load be within 75 miles max. 

I'm still happy to have found out yesterday morning that the truck stop isn't supposed to be charging to park there. I didn't really think so, that place is a pit, but it's the only one in town here. Amazing this little town has any kind of truck stop to be honest. 

Welp, I'm going to see if I can find my brand new, never used CB radio. It's in one of those giant boxes from the storage unit.  I really don't feel like taking all of it out of the shed, tho.  If I can't find it within the first few boxes, I may give up on it.  I'm pretty worn out right now, not much energy, trying to recoup for the coming week.  but, talking on the CB used to be rather stimulating, way back when. I've heard it's nothing but a bunch of people cussing each other out. I dunno, but since I have one and the power and antenna inputs are already on the dashboard, might as well find out. 

If I were to really get serious about this, I wouldn't mind getting some audio books to listen to.  Not to mention a refrigerator.

Well enough of this for now.  I"m watching yet another movie, lol.