Okay Wednesday is officially over, as far as work.  I mean, getting near bed time too.  I didn't sleep worth a crap last night.  People slamming doors all night long. What on earth is wrong with these people? No respect for the sleeping, at all.  I'm a light sleeper, I had thought about bringing my box fan with me for the noise, but I left it home for Addler instead.  He sleeps in my room every night whether I'm there or not, I just wanted some kind of normalcy for him.  I would have gone out and bought one today, but it totally escaped my mind.

By the time it was time to get out of there, I was done. 8 more hours of endless videos, technical stuff, the endless paperwork related to Hazmat that I never knew existed, tests tests and more tests.  I'm serious, we've done 30 tests by now. Someone in the group asked the trainer again today, are we going to be done tomorrow? No answer.  What are you doing to do, demand one? I will take whatever answer he gives, even if he says Saturday, but please tell us when this is going to be over with. I will then have a goal. 

I'm assuming until Friday. If we go through Friday and no word, then I'm going to get involved with this. Naaaah, I don't think so, actually. We are being paid $22 per hour for this, I hate it because it just gets agonizing, monotone voices on videos gets old quickly.  But, I am going to get a paycheck for last Friday through whatever we are working this week.  The company I quit did not deposit my final paycheck in my bank account and I have not received a paper check. So, I contacted the comptroller via email a few minutes ago.  When am I going to see my final paycheck?  I'll let that one ride until after tomorrow. 

Anyway, the technical stuff is getting far more involved.  No idea what was involved in hazmat driving and especially transferring chemicals from a plant to a truck and a truck to a plant.  Not to mention the rules of hazmat driving. You can't just pull over to the side of the road.  You can't drive down county roads or anything but Interstates and US highways.  If you are caught blowing a railroad crossing, 10k fine. 

And a bunch of other stuff that was rather surprising to hear - but considering the damage a tanker full of this stuff can do, I can't blame anyone for putting this kind of excessive regulatory  process on the people that are transporting this stuff.  So, I'm just toughing it out and waiting for the real, hands on training which won't happen until I get back to my town and get into a truck, apparently with one of the seasoned drivers, and spend weeks in there with him.  Gag.  That wasn't anything I was told at the beginning either.  I was informed that we would just get into our own trucks and follow an old timer to any given site to learn that way. 

Kinda confusing on that one. I'm not really interested in spending weeks in such a confined space with anyone.  My dog, sure, no one else. This company has a no animal policy, but I gave up on that idea anyway. Addler is definitely not a travelling dog.  He's much better off staying home without me. 

Every company has their ups and downs, hearing that you can easily make 80k per year was enough for me today.  And the payroll lady going over benefits. And another lady sitting there saying that literally millions of dollars per year are lost wages for drivers who don't report detention pay.  It's just a matter of filling out a form with limited information. You arrived at the gate at X time and got out of that gate at Y. If it goes over an hour and a half, it's detention pay.  I mean, what's one more block on a sheet you already have to fill out anyway for money?  It's about $1,538 gross pay, every paycheck to make that kind of money. 

Oh, I was given a fuel card today.  1 other driver was as well, the others weren't.  No idea if that meant anything, well to me that means I definitely have a job.  You're not issue fuel cards so you can be sent home because they don't want you there.  Dunno what that means for anyone else. 

And a strange phone call today.  My dad left my mom some sort of IRA worth some money to mom that he had started long ago.  I didn't know that until today, since mom called asking for information about it.  She needs the date of his death to proceed forward.

Thoughts came gushing into my mind.  My mother despised my dad. Literally, no opportunity spared to trash his name and his character to the point that one day, a few years ago, I told her I didn't want to hear that shit anymore. He's my dad, I understand you despise him, I don't.  But he's such a bad man that she's going after this money?  I have some very ill feelings about this.  I mean, I have been listening to hear for decades speak vile things about him. It never swayed my opinion about my dad, and I told her so, but to "take" money from him now? After all the shit she has continuously spouted off about him? 

Whoa! It just occurred to me that dad left my brothers a life insurance policy as well. They also have absolutely despised him.  Are they taking this money from him as well? I'm going to wait and see if my mom goes through with all of this and then yes, I am going to bring this up into her face if she receives the money.  He's such a terrible man, but you are collecting from him on a policy that he paid for, for you, all these years?  These are the types of things that will cause me to write off my own family. I have already gone there with my middle brother, but this type of shit will seal the door shut on the other 2 if they go through with this. 

Well, life never gets easier.

I got here - 509 miles later, got into my room, decided to run down the road and get something to eat.  I got to the bottom stop, dropped my phone and walaah.  Screen is ruined.  It was already cracked, but now it's dead in the water, I can't use it at all.  I'm pretty darn lucky I brought this laptop with me, number 1 and number 2, that they have free wifi here or otherwise I would be dead in the water.  I got that phone on long enough to see the address of the place I need to go to tomorrow and then the screen just went into a bunch of lines.  The phone itself is still working, I was glad to see that, it's just a bad screen.  

Hopefully I will be able to get it replaced tomorrow.  I mean, like as soon as they let us out, I'm already going to have directions to the nearest place that is open.  I'd bring my laptop to help with that, but since no internet without the phone, it will be useless. Just need to write down directions tonight and hope I find a good place that will get it done.  I mean, it doesn't take long for them to replace a screen, I know that from experience.

The trip here was unenventful, thank God. That car is getting old, it's got lots and lots of miles on it.  It's got problems too, but so far, the engine and tranny haven't given me any problems.  That thing will still cruise 90 mph without batting an eye.  I got in behind a guy that passed by me in Dallas and just so happened he was going the entire 300 plus miles up to Amarillo and who knows where beyond that.  I won't normally take the lead in speeding on highways cause of having a CDL, but I definitely wanted to get this trip over with.  

I've got 11-1/2 hours before I have to be over there in the morning, so I have time to relax, another big Thank God for that.  It's whatever.  I wouldn't have been able to use cell phone in class anyway.  But I please do not want to go through an entire week without it.  

Guess I'm a bit more dependent on the electronics age than I care to admit. And of course, in my haste to get out of the house I forgot my bible.  Plenty of online version, just find it a more stimulating experience to have a paper book in front of me.  I seem to be hitting brick walls alot, I need to understand why all of this is happening.  I don't, at this point, feel very good about this situation either.  Like it's just not the right move.  But I'm here, I'm going through their orientation and I'm going to drive their trucks for a while whether I like it or not.  If I made a mistake, I'm just going to have to live with it for a while. 

I'd very much rather be in business for myself.  I have always wanted to anyway, but it's a much greater desire now, and no that doesn't including owning my own truck.  I don't care anything about trucking, I just do it to earn a living.  Just after today, I realized how tired I am of driving.  Most any driving. Not quite as bad in a car, especially when I can fly down the highway, but stuck in a truck all day long?  It's just not my cup of tea anymore.  Life might not be too much fun for a while lol.

I'm going to have to figure out how to just talk all of this coming at me with a grain of salt. Shrug my shoulders, move on.  I used to have that down pretty good, just too much going on this year.  Dad dying wasn't the greatest news.  Mom having glaucoma that incompetent eye doctors missed - and therefore is going to lead to her being blind - wasn't so great either. Caleb's wedding was a very bright spot in all of that tho.  

I spent a good portion of the drive thinking about my mom tho.  I mean, at some point, she is going to need assisted living.  In fact, knowing mom and how much she enjoys the mountains and the views, and the idea that she is eventually going to lose her sight?  I don't want to speak on her behalf, but at her age I'm guessing the zest of life may leave with her eyesight going away.  The thing that is really eating at me is that she went to the eye doctor, faithfully,l as often as they said to. They "missed" it.  When she moved to Mesa, her new eye doctor about had a cow when he discovered she had glaucoma AND found out she had been going to an eye doctor for years.  How does this guy find it first time and these other ass***** miss it all that time?  

It pisses me off.  My thoughts, though, really are going to that day if this assistance is needed. I am not going to see my mother hauled off to some shit hole place where people are screaming for help 24 hours a day and lunatics and all the rest of it. I have spent enough time visiting those places, they are hell holes.  I get now why she's getting rid of everything.  She's taking it better than I am. But, she is resigned to the fact that she is too old to do much of anything about it.  She could literally sue that office for a lot of money - enough that she could just have a person living with her - but she isn't there yet.  I understand her reluctance to get involved in such things. She just wants to enjoy life.  

You see, that has eaten at me in recent times far more than this job situation.  But, there are so many things at so many angles it's just getting very stressful.  With all this stuff coursing through my brain, the last thing I want to do is sit through 5 days of listening to people droning on and on about whatever. That's a lot of talking, 40 hours worth.  I know they have valid reasons for it, I get that. I'm just going to have to dig deep and get through all of this.  

But you know? I started that last job and it went to s*** quickly.  So many things that just aren't going right.  What am I doing wrong here?  I'm not looking for a pity party here. I'm just writing out my thoughts.  It helps me figure things out - sometimes anyway.  

You know, and then there's Thanksgiving and Christmas. Those 2 days may or may not be off, from what I read you have to be available up to the day and the days after.  It's a safe bet new drivers are going to get dumped with anything like that.  Really wanted to go visit mom at either Thanksgiving or Christmas.
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Now Monday night.  Almost 9 pm at that.  I never knew how addicted I had become to cell phones.  I am going to have to deal with that.  24 hours without one felt like going off a drug  Tho there were legitimate reasons. The phone rang, the text messages were coming, but I couldn't answer the phone and I couldn't see the texts much less see who was sending them. I'm concerned about Donny at this point and I was really getting antsy about being in that classroom all day long without having any idea who was texting or calling me or why.

In fact, I still need to call my house in Phoenix back, totally spaced that.  I dunno what's going on there, but I've received 3 phone calls.  So, I guess I best pause this entry and find out what's going on......

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And now Tuesday night.  Well, evening.  Today wasn't near as bad as Monday.  I slept better last night, even though I kept waking it, it was much better than Sunday night.  The mattress is plain too hard and I just keep waking up.  Probably some of what is going on in my life isn't helping, either.

Anyway, Rene is home now so at least the dogs have someone there that really shows them a lot of attention, which Addler is very much in love with the idea of endless attention.  I'm very much relieved she is there, actually.  First off, Donny's health and then second off, if something happens to him, the dogs being taken care of.

Anyway, 16 hours of training so far, with at least 16 more to come, possibly 24.  I kinda won't care about 24 more at this point, it's another day of paid training, which would make 6 days on a paycheck.