Well, life never gets easier.

I got here - 509 miles later, got into my room, decided to run down the road and get something to eat.  I got to the bottom stop, dropped my phone and walaah.  Screen is ruined.  It was already cracked, but now it's dead in the water, I can't use it at all.  I'm pretty darn lucky I brought this laptop with me, number 1 and number 2, that they have free wifi here or otherwise I would be dead in the water.  I got that phone on long enough to see the address of the place I need to go to tomorrow and then the screen just went into a bunch of lines.  The phone itself is still working, I was glad to see that, it's just a bad screen.  

Hopefully I will be able to get it replaced tomorrow.  I mean, like as soon as they let us out, I'm already going to have directions to the nearest place that is open.  I'd bring my laptop to help with that, but since no internet without the phone, it will be useless. Just need to write down directions tonight and hope I find a good place that will get it done.  I mean, it doesn't take long for them to replace a screen, I know that from experience.

The trip here was unenventful, thank God. That car is getting old, it's got lots and lots of miles on it.  It's got problems too, but so far, the engine and tranny haven't given me any problems.  That thing will still cruise 90 mph without batting an eye.  I got in behind a guy that passed by me in Dallas and just so happened he was going the entire 300 plus miles up to Amarillo and who knows where beyond that.  I won't normally take the lead in speeding on highways cause of having a CDL, but I definitely wanted to get this trip over with.  

I've got 11-1/2 hours before I have to be over there in the morning, so I have time to relax, another big Thank God for that.  It's whatever.  I wouldn't have been able to use cell phone in class anyway.  But I please do not want to go through an entire week without it.  

Guess I'm a bit more dependent on the electronics age than I care to admit. And of course, in my haste to get out of the house I forgot my bible.  Plenty of online version, just find it a more stimulating experience to have a paper book in front of me.  I seem to be hitting brick walls alot, I need to understand why all of this is happening.  I don't, at this point, feel very good about this situation either.  Like it's just not the right move.  But I'm here, I'm going through their orientation and I'm going to drive their trucks for a while whether I like it or not.  If I made a mistake, I'm just going to have to live with it for a while. 

I'd very much rather be in business for myself.  I have always wanted to anyway, but it's a much greater desire now, and no that doesn't including owning my own truck.  I don't care anything about trucking, I just do it to earn a living.  Just after today, I realized how tired I am of driving.  Most any driving. Not quite as bad in a car, especially when I can fly down the highway, but stuck in a truck all day long?  It's just not my cup of tea anymore.  Life might not be too much fun for a while lol.

I'm going to have to figure out how to just talk all of this coming at me with a grain of salt. Shrug my shoulders, move on.  I used to have that down pretty good, just too much going on this year.  Dad dying wasn't the greatest news.  Mom having glaucoma that incompetent eye doctors missed - and therefore is going to lead to her being blind - wasn't so great either. Caleb's wedding was a very bright spot in all of that tho.  

I spent a good portion of the drive thinking about my mom tho.  I mean, at some point, she is going to need assisted living.  In fact, knowing mom and how much she enjoys the mountains and the views, and the idea that she is eventually going to lose her sight?  I don't want to speak on her behalf, but at her age I'm guessing the zest of life may leave with her eyesight going away.  The thing that is really eating at me is that she went to the eye doctor, faithfully,l as often as they said to. They "missed" it.  When she moved to Mesa, her new eye doctor about had a cow when he discovered she had glaucoma AND found out she had been going to an eye doctor for years.  How does this guy find it first time and these other ass***** miss it all that time?  

It pisses me off.  My thoughts, though, really are going to that day if this assistance is needed. I am not going to see my mother hauled off to some shit hole place where people are screaming for help 24 hours a day and lunatics and all the rest of it. I have spent enough time visiting those places, they are hell holes.  I get now why she's getting rid of everything.  She's taking it better than I am. But, she is resigned to the fact that she is too old to do much of anything about it.  She could literally sue that office for a lot of money - enough that she could just have a person living with her - but she isn't there yet.  I understand her reluctance to get involved in such things. She just wants to enjoy life.  

You see, that has eaten at me in recent times far more than this job situation.  But, there are so many things at so many angles it's just getting very stressful.  With all this stuff coursing through my brain, the last thing I want to do is sit through 5 days of listening to people droning on and on about whatever. That's a lot of talking, 40 hours worth.  I know they have valid reasons for it, I get that. I'm just going to have to dig deep and get through all of this.  

But you know? I started that last job and it went to s*** quickly.  So many things that just aren't going right.  What am I doing wrong here?  I'm not looking for a pity party here. I'm just writing out my thoughts.  It helps me figure things out - sometimes anyway.  

You know, and then there's Thanksgiving and Christmas. Those 2 days may or may not be off, from what I read you have to be available up to the day and the days after.  It's a safe bet new drivers are going to get dumped with anything like that.  Really wanted to go visit mom at either Thanksgiving or Christmas.
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Now Monday night.  Almost 9 pm at that.  I never knew how addicted I had become to cell phones.  I am going to have to deal with that.  24 hours without one felt like going off a drug  Tho there were legitimate reasons. The phone rang, the text messages were coming, but I couldn't answer the phone and I couldn't see the texts much less see who was sending them. I'm concerned about Donny at this point and I was really getting antsy about being in that classroom all day long without having any idea who was texting or calling me or why.

In fact, I still need to call my house in Phoenix back, totally spaced that.  I dunno what's going on there, but I've received 3 phone calls.  So, I guess I best pause this entry and find out what's going on......

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And now Tuesday night.  Well, evening.  Today wasn't near as bad as Monday.  I slept better last night, even though I kept waking it, it was much better than Sunday night.  The mattress is plain too hard and I just keep waking up.  Probably some of what is going on in my life isn't helping, either.

Anyway, Rene is home now so at least the dogs have someone there that really shows them a lot of attention, which Addler is very much in love with the idea of endless attention.  I'm very much relieved she is there, actually.  First off, Donny's health and then second off, if something happens to him, the dogs being taken care of.

Anyway, 16 hours of training so far, with at least 16 more to come, possibly 24.  I kinda won't care about 24 more at this point, it's another day of paid training, which would make 6 days on a paycheck.