Work.
I'm already there this morning before anyone else.  The warehouse "manager" shows up and hands me some tickets and says to put them on the 550.  Umm, I'm not going to be getting stuck in other trucks this week.  Ohh, well you can put it on the straight truck. No, that's not what I'm talking about, I'm referring to the semi.  I'm not going through this week out of the truck again.  He just grunts at me.

Well the pothead shows up later and starts pulling an order. I get sent out on a run that takes half the day to do and then my coworker texts me: your boy is in your truck.  This warehouse dude just thinks he can do whatever he wants.  The good ole' boys club, the pothead and he have been there forever, exceping of course the little year off that after the pothead was fired.

So I come back from the run and confront the man.  Why are you putting him in the truck again this week? He just sits there and stares at me.  I say it again.  More staring.  Are you going to answer or what?  Well he asked me if he could drive it again this week, the man blurts out, stuttering.  He doesn't like when I confront him.  I don't do it often but when he starts playing his stupid games, namely favoritism and it affects me, I'm going to confront him on it.  I knew right away that this wasn't going to change without approaching the new manager, so I just looked at the warehouse manager and informed him I would deal with this through the manager.

Well you need to go load up the truck with this stuff, he is in a meeting.  No, I think I'll go over there and discuss this right now, completely ignoring his "order" for he isn't management and headed straight over there.  He was on the phone.  I popped in, he gave me a funny look, hung up the phone and asked me what's wrong?  I informed him of the situation.  Oh, well are you guys switching back and forth?  I looked at him for a second, trying to keep my words limiited: I've been driving that truck for a year now.  Tony (warehouse dude) thinks he can just do whatever he pleases without even considering my input.  I stopped myself there.  Okay, I'll talk to Tony.

Now, the new manager is consistent about one thing: if he says he's going to deal with something that is causing a problem, he will deal with it.  I walked out, said thank you while leaving and so, who knows.

I have no idea at this point how long it is going to take to find a job that suits me instead of just taking something to get out of there.  I'm not going to "run" from that place to go to something else that may have a better working environment but keeps me out on the road all the time.  If it ultimately comes to that so beit, but for now, I am floating. In fact, just turned in 90 hours, which is better than the 80 that was dictated from the start of this.  I have no idea what I will get on the next paycheck, but I logged 9-1/4 hours today.

So whatever.  This pothead, btw, is there at 7:30. He was loading the truck until 11:45.  We're talking 2 pallets and some pipe.  It should have taken him 2 hours at most.  This was reported to me by my coworker about the time it took and the time he left.  Now, where he was going is a 2-1/2 hour drive one way.  I've done it several times so has my coworker.  This dude left at 11:45 am and then calls at 4:00 pm saying he is lost, his GPS isn't working.  Ummm, there is a Rand McNally road map in the truck.  Someone tore the Louisiana page out of it long ago, which is mainly what we travel, but this was in Texas and the Texas map was still in it.  Some kind of bs he is talking. I happened to be in the office when the contractor called, at 4:15 pm.  Where is this guy?

That'll all go over well with the new manager.  I didin't stick around, though I did start laughing. Couldn't help it. They all think so highly of this dude simply because he's been there so long. There's your great driver! Over 4 hours to load the truck and 4-1/2 to get to a jobsite that is 2-1/2 hours away and he still isn't there.

Okay, rant over.

I started a detox today.  My version of it anyway.  You know, your body? Toxins build up over time? Yeah that.  My version is a total fast.  Water only.  For as long as I can handle it.  I've done these before, I was amazed that I have hardly even thought about food today.  It's almost bedtime so I can safely say I made it through day one.  One site calls for 10 days and another for 12.  Umm, that's a long time to go without food or any other kind of drink than water - but - there are other benefits toa water only extended fast.  If I can make it past the 4th day, I can do it.  I don't know yet, I'm not going to feel bad about it if I quit early, I'm sorta trying to get back into this stuff that I did most of my adult life before moving out there.  You just plain feel better after you do it if you can do it long enough.

That's it. I'm a bit - weak feeling - from not eating, but, again, I'm not sitting here craving food.  Interesting.

The itch got me.  Gotta check out Caddo State Park.  Map showed trails and only $3 per person fee to get in. I figured 2 hours would be good. Well, they have cabins and shelters and all kinds of interesting stuff going on over there - something to think about for the future but right now? Just want to go hiking.

17 miles one way, can't complain about that.  The drive there was interesting as it stands.  A narrow, 2 lane highway I hadn't been on going out of this town straight to the Park.  Joey Ranch - a rodeo was going on and all kinds of traffic going in there.  Big arena but well off the road and the thing you really saw was a bunch of RV's.  A Baptist church having a revival - the sign said so anyway. Small church for such a large gathering - at least 100 cars parked everywhere including alongside the highway.

A hunting club.  Carlisle Hunting Club the sign had on it over an entrance to a dirt road.  Hmm, might have to check that out.  A mobile home park much further out.  70's era, aluminum built single wide homes.  Place over grown with grass and weeds. Looked hideous.  I've had thoughts of doing something like that - but please, let's keep the property maintained.  And fresh paint on the homes that need them.  Hurts your bottom line.  Yep, well I just don't believe in running a place like that.

Got to the Park entrance, drove up a ways and there was a building with signs saying go into the office cause' honey, you have to pay.  Well they didn't say quite that, but you get the idea.  I don't mind a small entrance fee, I don't really believe that we should have to pay outrageous prices as many of these types of places do that are owned by state or federal government do - since we own it, we pay for it through our taxes and yeah, that kinda pisses me off.  But....they had a sign up about donating $5 because they are underfunded. Gag.

I got up to the cabins and parked.  The trail starts right there.  I had been warned about a trail that was closed because of a bridge that was out.  Well, I got this giant dog on a leash and he's doing good but geeze, there isn't another soul other there, which I thought strange.  Well, until I started getting eaten alive by mosquitoes. Figured that one out: keep moving, don't stop.  Note to self: buy mosquito repellent for any future excursions.  Anyway, I eventually took the leash off of Addler and watched in some amount of apprehension what was going to happen next.  The answer was: nothing.  He did take the lead but I didn't care about that, I wanted him in front of me.  Only one incident where we both heard an animal run off and he started to take off after the direction of the noise.

Addler! He stopped, turned around and trotted back.  I've spent some time training this dog on other issues, leash walking wasn't one of them. He was up on that the first day I got him.  He wasn't house trained - he has yet to piss or pee in the house.  The dog is very obedient.  He has a wild side to him but that's fine. He also is very disliking of strangers approaching the fence, that's fine too, that's a dog's job.  Protect.

Well there were no signs on these trails, they just took turns off into random places.  I wondered about getting lost but I just went this and that-a-way and eventually ended up at the - bridge that is out.  Turns out a giant tree had destroyed it - that giant tree fell and was still over the top of that bridge. Okay, well that's nice but the bridge was going over a stream that might have been 2 feet wide at it's widest point. Yeah, we just went around it, through the brush and up the other side.

But, after an hour of this, we were both done.  Addler was breathing heavily and I was tired.  I'm not in the shape I used to be and I am slowly coming around to getting myself back to some semblance of that condition.  I've let life circumstances affect me too greatly. There are no existing excuses, I just gotta get with it.

__________________________________________

And now another weekend gone.  Does it sound like a lame existence where the highlight of a weekend is to go hiking in the wilderness with a dog?  I dunno, I'm not sure it matters to me anymore about things that people think are important.  I've become rather isolated here simply for the fact of the lack of many friends.  I've not connected with much of anyone in the church I am/was going to, though I have tried.  For quite a while I have tried.  Not blaming the church I just think it's time to move on.  I love the preaching and the worship services but that isn't an end all.  I need real relationships and it's simply not happening there.

I guess I'll start looking out here before next weekend.

Well, end this one.  Work comes early, at least on the weeks where I go in at 7.

It finally made sense.
Long ago - in the 80's - I disappeared with a missionary organization into the interior of Mexico.  I didn't ask anyone for permission, didn't think about any consequences, didn't care really.  My thoughts were towards Catholics there that hate Christians and the Mexican army and the policia that toys with white, American citizens to get money out of them.  I still didn't care.  It was a wonderful time, yes it was.  I was there for one purpose: to expand the Kingdom of Heaven.

Years later, my oldest brother made some comments to me about that trip.  Security came to my door (at his home) asking me where you were at.  I don't know, he replies, somewhere in Mexico I heard.  I was focused on the mission field and my mind and heart was all over that.  The idea that it would somehow arbitrarily affect my brother's employment never entered my mind.  I knew nothing about it, didn't know his security status could be affected by it and he didn't bother to tell me.

The security gave him a hard time about it.  He said when it was over, he closed the door and then got drunk.  My oldest brother is a very different type of person, much different than most anyone I have ever met, seen or heard about.  Now I understand that he was facing losing a rather prestigious employment setting.  I really - never knew.  And, I didn't find that out from him.  In fact, he doesn't care about family and wants nothing to do with it. He never has. He has never given me any reason to even think about concerning myself with him or his problems.  He ... doesn't.... care.

I've never given it much consideration.  My mom just told me a while ago that when I announced I was going to Spain, that is why he tried to tell me I couldn't go.  You see, he never identified why I couldn't go and it came through my mom, not him.  Why didn't he call me about this? Ahh yes, who is he to tell me where I can and cannot go. I wasn't just going to visit Spain, I was going to stay there indefinitely with the mission organization. The situation changed and I wasn't sent.  I have always made myself too valuable - unintentionally - to the people I am with or working for.  Even here, where I am living.  The lady of the house has unabashedly told me she would like me to stay here for "years", indefinitely.  I smile, I give no definitive answer.  I like it here, but this isn't my house and though I have a lot of freedom here, it's not my property.  Even that isn't really the problem though, I just have no idea what I am going to do next and I can't just say yes, I'm going to be here forever

Not to mention that something might happen - who knows what but we are humans and s*** happens - to make them want me to leave.  I think of everything I can in any conversation that has potential long-term consequences.  The point is they didn't send me to Spain because I was fixing all of their old vehicles, driving semi's to get donated food, clothing and medical supplies, going to Mexico frequently with semi loads of food, directing the brother's dorm when I was there.

It was a rogue thought tonight.  Oh, now I see it.  They messed with him when I went to Mexico because, I found out from mom last week, if a family member leaves the country, he loses his security clearance and can't work the job he is working.  20 years ago he told me he was putting X amount of money into his 401k plan - a good deal of money I will say.  He was obviously making good money then. He has been promoted since then plus pay raises, he has earned a fortune through that company and his financial adviser told him he could retire now.  He's 57 years old.

AS for me, I am being pulled by my own internals in so many ways.  Do this, do that, do the other thing.  I am, frankly, getting sick of working to do what. Pay bills.  Gag.  I had no debt as a missionary, no bills, I paid nothing to no one.  It's sooo easy to get used to a lifestyle.  Go to work, come home, go to bed, get up, go to work, repeat.  Whereas others have no answers, I've already been there, I know what makes the heart full. Gag.  I'm not confused, I just don't know what direction to take.  I know some things that would help but they aren't anywhere near here.  Take my dog, go up to the mountains alone and seek.  Pray. Hike into the wilderness.  Enjoy God's creation.  No mountains within hundreds of miles of here. Beaches - a little different effect but still.

 I don't know.

It was a bit interesting to read a news article about 10 jobs that will be in demand from now til' 2022.  Many of them had median incomes of -- 19k, 20k, - very lowpaying IMO.  I can't even imagine trying to live off of 20k per year.  Apparently my views of pay are a bit elevated.  But, the starting wages of a truck driver fresh out of driving school is minimum 36k.  And I consider that to be low paying as well.  Though, a whole lot better than 20k.

One thing that is occurring, however, is this 80 hour per pay period deal is not actually happening. Well, it was at first. But I had almost 90 last pay period and up to almost 46 for this last week alone.  What the numbers at our branch do not justify is the amount of labor on the payroll.  Meaning, too many people.  There is just no reason to have that much labor, especially over-dosed on salesmen.  The dude that crashed the truck - he is basically there because they are having mercy on him.  There is no other reason for he does very little work unless it's forklift related.  That's just sitting in a forklift and moving things around.

Whatever the case, it will be mildly amusing to hear the gm call me for my take on it if he even does so.  I've got some carefully thought out words for him.  He's part of the good ole' boys club and that is something he needs to face head-on.  If he can't admit that, then there is no use in have a conversation about others that are also in that club. I've given up hope on the place as it stand, confronting him with the truth isn't really going to be an issue for me.

Well, back to the grind - looking up endless websites for names of trucking companies engaging inthe type of trucking I am looking for.