I walked into the courtroom - 15 minutes early allegedly - sat down and 2 minutes later the judge called her up to the bench and proclaimed I must not be there.  Apparently they had had this discussion and were waiting  Naomi had informed me that it was at 11:15, but obviously it was supposed to start at 11.  She - Val -- had an extremely fake smile plastered on her face.  I said nothing to her.  I didn't go there to get into it with her, I went to make sure that no shenanigans were going to be pulled. Not that I expected it, but you never know.  The judge recited legaleze, we agreed, he declared the marriage terminated and that was that.

I am now, officially, a divorced man, yet again. Easy divroce, no conflict, no disagreements on property, no children to deal with.  I was only gone an hour and got divorced, went to the gas station, went to the bank, another store, KFC for lunch and home.

When I walked out of the courtroom, she called my name - I was and am in no mood to talk to her - handed me an envelope with the 4 wheeler title - she has the other one for it's still over there and I haven't made up my mind about it - and then asked if I had made up my mind - which I have not.  When do you expect to? Soon. Okay, thank you and that was it.  And I assume that to BE it for the rest of our lives.  I really wanted to visit Duke's grave one last time before all of this was over with, but, too late.

I have no feelings of "freedom" like I did the first marriage.  A bit sad, actually.  Giving up as much as I did and doing what I did to marry her wasn't exactly a small thing for me.  She dismissed it - asking me what I gave up, as if nothing.

Whatever the case and not delving into that again, I have numerous decisions to make.  Stay, go.  Find a new job.  Start dating again or not.  Live here where I'm at if I do decide to stay or get my own place and rent out rooms.

I'm going to wait on any job decisions until after the New Year.  I likely going to start looking around for someone to start a relationship with.  Not positive on that one, just thinking about it.  Staying here is cool as long as they are cool with me being here, actually.  I'm just not sure I will want to stay in this region with what has happened.  I don't know how my thinking is going to be whenever I go into Longview now that we are officially divorced and thinking about all the memories - mostly bad unfortunately - and what occurred.

So, nothing has to be decided today.  They are home today as well.  Dude was told to stay home today for lack of work, she came home after finding out she has laringitis.  Don't actually remmeber how to spell that word, but if I recall correctly, it is highly contagious.  I don't realy need to be getting sick again now that I am finally just about done with the last garbage.

3 hours from now, I presume I will be a twice divorced man.
The daughter filed for a court hearing on Monday and got the
hearing scheduled for today.  How do you get a court date that fast?
And how do you get away with giving such short notice?  I was informed
that I didn't have to show up.  Lol, nice try.  Perhaps the judge will just
sign off on the paperwork - or perhaps not.  It's the tangent and possibility
of perhaps not that makes me show up to court, which is scheduled at 11:15 am.
It is also about a mile and a half away from where I live.  I took the day off
work to go deal with this, yes.  I want to hear the judge say whatever he/she
has to say about it.  If nothing, great, but I am not going to just leave it to
chance.  Not to mention she will have to be there and will be the first time
seeing her since she filed.  Yes, she ended this relationship over the internet
and I want to be there, in person, for her to have to see me even if the last
time.  Ending a marriage over the relationship?  That's just totally lame.

Other than that, everything else going as it has been. Still no word on raise or
promotion and keep forgetting to ask when I see the manager, but rest assured
I will be asking this week.  New driver still not doing very well - he knows how
to drive but he doesn't want to do anything else.  He wants us to help him pull
orders and load the truck. Well, loading trucks?  You better have that one down
yourself, bud, this isn't elemenatary school and we aren't your supervisors.  I
don't mind helping him learn, but he continues to talk as if he has never heard
any of it before, even though we have repeatedly tried to show him how to do
things.  After a while, it just plain gets old.

Addler - new pup - is doing good but he is showing some signs of aggression.
Mostly directed at one particular dog that they have here.  That dog pushes it, though,
quite a lot, nipping at him and growling.  Addler responds in kind - putting his huge
mouth around the dog's neck but not biting and growling back.  He then smacks the
dog with his giant paw and basically toys with it. I'm not a real fan of that kind of
behavior.  I think getting him neutered will help take care of this kind of stuff - I
just am going to wait until next month or even the one after to do it.  It's $300 for
the procedure.

Well the 3 hours has turned into 40 minutes.  I am only 5 minutes from the courthouse.
Nope, no parking issues, been by there dozens of times, there is ample public parking
across the street.  It's just go through the metal detector, go to 2cd story, go in the court
room, wait for judge, listen to judge, get this over with.

So, trying to find airfare home for or near Christmas - daunting.  I'm not going to spend a fortune.  If that's the case, I'll wait til' after Christmas and visit home when prices come down.  I was reading about potential cyber deals for tomorrow - Cyber Monday - if you are looking for anything cheaper than normal, please search the internet tomorrow.  You can find amazing deals.  Cheaper prices, free shipping, one day only stuff.  An article I read said that airlines don't typically advertise those kinds of fares in advance, you have to go to their sites and check on that day or sign up for their newsletter.

I don't have to be there on Christmas day to be happy.  I can be here on Christmas day and think nothing of not being home with family. The reason is simple: my family is stupid dysfunctional. The only one that really wants to see me is mom and she is quite content to see me whenever I can come.  My son is still in Portland and has not stated a return date. He is apparently liking it there very much.  Maybe he will just stay there indefinitely, who knows.  He's on an adventure in life and though he isn't really learning anything for any kind of career - I did the same thing at his age and I have absolutely no regrets.  I take that back. He has done he gen-ed courses and was studying to learn Japanese. I don't know if he's going to finish.

I did recently have an internet college student encourage me to take some online classes.  I have only considered it thus far.  If I can find classes that don't cost a fortune, yes.  But if they want 30 40 50k, they can stuff it.  How is online worth the same or even more than going to a brick and mortar building and having access to teachers in person? They will give you all kinds of answers - I have been through this process of trying to find an online college - but their answers are lame.  No buildings to pay for, upkeep, taxes, electricity, water, etc.  Well they have a home building, I guess, where their computers are located, but nothing near as grandiose as a college.  I jsut refuse to pay premium rates and get into loans for online courses.

The other option is community colleges.  Allegedly they are pretty cheap in this area - I can attest that in the Phoenix area, they are not. But then again, Phoenix and surrounding cities are college towns.  ASU is the biggest but there are a LOT more colleges there.

That is a tangent I didn't even think of going into here.  My head is still wrapped around going over to her place today.  I'm glad I haven't been over there in months now, It would have been much harder to unravel my mind and heart from all of that if  for whatever reason I had to go over there.  I don't - actually - miss her that much.  I'm not sorry to say that, not after all I've been through.  But she has a beautiful, gorgeous property.  Not anything even remotely close to being a good reason to stay in a very toxic and bad relationship, but still.  That's a property I could never afford - though property out in the wild blue yonder in the middle of nothing ness is definitely affordable.  Don't underestimate the profession I am in.  Drivers can live literally anywhere if they are OTR and can take the truck home with them.  Not interest in OTR, but could do regional.  I'm definitely not married to my current company, not at the pay scale I am at.

This has been a strange day.  It has also been raining, non-stop, all day long. I didn't care about that over there, though.  I didn't make my co-worker get out of his vehicle over there.  He wasn't dressed for the occasion, lol. He had his two young kids with him.  He has custody of them. The mom is a lunatic.  I mean, to the point of having to be hauled off to jail last weekend because she showed up to see the kids and went off on Terrance's mom.  The kid's shoes out in front of her house. I had never seen that before and it dawned on me that all of those shoes are shoes that I bought for those kids. They weren't near my stuff that was left out there.  I am perplexed by that.  Did they somehow think I wanted their shoes back?

I don't know, but we are now entering the final stage of the divorce.  It will be scheduled for a short hearing before the judge. But it's not really a hearing. The judge looks over the paperwork and - signs off on it.  The daughter eluded to me not having to show up.  Umm, no, I'll be there, thanks.  A judge has no restraints by a piece of paper worked up by consenting adults.  He/she may look at the thing and have questions.  Or, she/val could bring up something to change in the paperwork and if I"m not there? Default judgement.  I don't leave things like that up to chance.  I politely told the daughter - Naomi - that I will be there, please let me know when it is, thanks.  I don't really ever want to see Val again after the things that she has done, but I will endure it for a short period of time to ensure that nothing happens that I can't object to.

________________________________________

Sunday evening now. Started this post yesterday.  I have all kinds of thoughts running through my mind.

I spent the day cleaning - well not all day, but a lot of it.  My room, laundry, their kitchen. They had people over last night and there was a great deal of aftermath. I don't complain about it, but I wanted to cook this morning so I cleaned the entire mess up while cooking  - after cleaning off a space - and got that all done. I'm old enough to be dads to most everyone that shows up here. Which doesn't bother me, I'm just saying, it is a generational gap and though I can relate with much of it - I cannot relate with all of it. Anime for one thing.  This is Japanese version of adult cartoons.

Anyway, I still have this vision of her place when I came down the driveway and saw it for the first time in quite a while. And yes, it is DOWN a driveway.  You come up a long driveway, through a horse ranch and then over the top and back down again.  It is a very secluded place.  Anyway, those 2 4 wheelers were sitting in the grassy area in the driveway circle, faced directly at - me I guess - as I drove in. If I weren't at the mercy of the dude coming behind me to pull them out of there, I would have taken the time to visit with the cows and then go down and spend a few final moments at Duke's grave.  

There are other ways in there, that place is so far from her house and out of sight - completely out of sight that I could visit it coming from the undeveloped land beside it.  Why would you want to do that?  If you aren't a dog lover and haven't had a dog has been in your family for an extended period of time, you won't understand it. If you have, you might or might not. Duke was such a gentle spirit. I've had a lot of dogs and very good ones, but Duke was very special to me.  And others as well.  Val's babysitter that was watching the kids during the summer has numerous photos of him posted on her Facebook wall.  She explained to me that he kept her company during lonely nights - kids off to bed, Val in her room, I'm thrown out, she's a 20 something downstairs, alone, dog keeping her company.  I suspect she loved Duke as much as I did from her description of it and after seeing pics of her and him after he passed. I had no idea.

Oops, past my  bedtime. I was just getting started, actualy.  Really, I was.  Oh well.

Well.
We were supposed to meet up at 11am. But my co-worker ran into two problems.  First, his brother decided he couldn't use his trailer.  My co-worker - Terrance - said in a text "he's being a d***".  Yup, family can do that.  Nothing new under the sun. So, he ended up borrowing one of our outside salesman's trailer. But didn't know what trailer he was getting from who. Second, he was pulled over by a State Trooper for lights out on the trailer.  It was a simple fix: the pigtail connector just not on good enough.  Terrance is a pretty laid back dude, so for him to say the Trooper was treating him like a - d*** - was not surprising since some law enforcement can definitely act that way even if you are being totally respectful, but still.

He finally showed up an hour and a half late.  But that phased me not, what did phase me was when I saw that trailer.  Umm, Terrance, both of the 4 wheelers are likely not going to fit on there.  Well, maybe we can lift one up into the back of the pickup? Terrance is a big boy - but not that big.  That's a long way off the ground.  I'm not busting my balls over anything, not after what happened to me earlier this year and subsequent pain coming and going.  Infrequent and low pain, nothing like what it was when it first hit me.  I fear this going on for the rest of my life.

Regardless, we get over there, my stuff outside in a box.  I didn't have that much left over there, but I knew my satellite dish wasn't fitting into that box by itself, much less with everything else. But that was quickly located after she - the daughter - called mom.  No-one home, I didn't expect anyone there, though interesting to see all of the kid's shoes lined up outside.  Yet, the minivan was gone so I knew she was gone, the kids likely at dads house.

Brought back some - feelings - going over there. The cows recognized the sound of my car and started howling at me.  Good memory for cows.  I got out and started talking to my coworker who pulled up behind me and those cows started going crazy.  They're 300 feet off, btw, out of sight, not like they could see me.  I went into view of them and the black one just went into a non-stop litanny of screaming, mooing and howling.  Mostly a howling, screeching type of noise.  Hungry cows, I thought, not anything I can do about that, that's her department.  Both of my 4 wheelers were sitting side-by-side out front.  Nathan had this whole thing pegged long ago.  It would never work.  I saw a piece of paper in a plastic bag taped to the seat of the Honda.  I knew who it was from before I picked it up, opened it and read it.

His name isn't Nathan. It's Nathanael or he likes to go by Nate, but I called him Nathan from the get go and that is how he referred to himself in the letter.  I guess I wasn't prepared to deal with that.  No, I definitely wasn't prepared to deal with the content of the letter.  Very touching message from him and very much asking if I would give him the 4 wheeler as well.  We had discussed that - several times in the past - "if" it didn't work out between us, his mom and I that is.  He always said it would never work.  "Nothing good ever happens to us".  It threw me off kilter.

But, I still got busy. Pulled the big 4 wheeler up in there first and pretty much figured the Honda wouldn't fit.  But I tried anyway.  Nope, won't fit.  Sat there for half an hour trying to figure out a way to get that thing in there.  If I'm going to have my druthers, I'd druther have the big one.  It cost a lot more than that Honda and it is an automatic.  That thing is a beast.  I love that thing! I really don't even like riding the Honda, I got it for Nathan at the time. That was quite a while back.  It's a 5 speed manual tranny. I push gears all over the place too much at work.  I am pretty much a fan of automatic transmissions unless it is a truck/semi or a motorcycle.

We really had quite a close, tight relationship for quite a while there until he = well actually he got into teenager stuff and that is really quite normal.  It started coming back near the end.  I'll never forget the last words he spoke to me the last time I saw him: Ben, I may never see you again.  Why do you think that? Because you and mom are a very odd couple.

The reality of it is, if I could have fit that thing on that trailer, it would be here right now. But, I am very happy to have most of my stuff back - though my shop vac wasn't there - I didn't ask for it, though.  I figured she wanted to be done with me and that anything I had bought she would be dumping out there.  Actually, her memory is very, very poor, she may think she bought that thing.  I would have asked for it today as well but it totally slipped my mind. The letter from Nathan threw me for a loop.

Well, I wrote him a letter back.  Nice to hear from you, I'm sure you will do well in life, stuff like that.  I then said that I couldn't fit that thing on the trailer anyway, I would think about whether or not to give it to you and I'll get back with your sister when I decide.  I'm going to think about it for a few days and then give him a reply.  I wouldn't ride the thing, to be honest, but I could sell it for - around $900.  It needs front tires and a part to fix the rear brakes.  Other than that, it's in very good condition.  No, it's in excellent condition besides those two things. Okay the clutch, but that was there in my mail, I ordered it two months ago.

Well, that's enough for now. It's Saturday.  Dog woke me up early - as normal for that dog. He's my new alarm clock.  A cold, wet snout that big being pushed into your sleeping face at 5:30?  Wake ya up every single time!

Time to take a nap.

This blogging format is much different than the other one. Had forgotten it's nuances.
Anyway, tomorrow is, hopefully, the big day.  I was talking to a coworker about what's going on - he always asks - and he said he could get his brother to come and help him move my 4 wheelers to my new residence.  Okay, I'll take you up on that.  Numerous emails and texts later going both ways - Val's daughter and this co-worker - and we have it worked out for tomorrow morning at 11 am.  I don't care if it's raining, which it is forecast to do, I want my things back and the only things I can't bring on my own are the 4 wheelers.

I'll give kudos to the daughter for not getting personally/emotionally involved and making any kinds of "comments".  I have said nothing to her like that, either.  Keep it friendly, keep any angst out of it, let's get this over with.  I'm sure she's elated this is happening.  Which doesn't bother me.  In reality, if Val really wanted to remarry, she should be remarrying previous ex.  He is nothing like she makes him out to be.  I know this from talking to him myself, others talking to him and yet more saying that Val - brings alot of this stuff on herself and blows things way out of proportion.

But that isn't anything I am going into here, I've done enough of that already - infinitum - on this and other blogs.  Whether it's God's will or not, it's happening, she has her head set on it, it's almost a done deal.  After tomorrow and presuming this actually happens, I will sign off on the paperwork at her place - after everything is loaded into the truck and my car and I determine that nothing has been intentionally trashed, mostly directed towards my 4 wheelers. I won't go further with that thought, I am hopeful they are still in the same condition as when I last saw them months ago.

Thanksgiving was quite wonderful, changing the subject.  I was fortunate that they invited me - they being my landlords - to their feast along with their friends.  I visited with them all the entire time they were here, enjoyed very good food and was thankful I wasn't alone for that particular holiday.  I was also thankful that my middle brother didn't leave my mom alone for the holiday - he went over and helped cook Thanksgiving dinner and spent it with her.

I don't know about Christmas. Will be a very different Christmas than last year, when I was going around having fun finding presents for everyone and generally attempting to enjoy the season regardless of one particular individual that takes no or very little joy in any celebration, even her own birthday.  I have mixed feelings about it - but it is what it is and the course is - well almost unchangeable.  Anything could happen, but for my part, this relationship is completely over with, just the formality of the legal process to get it officially over with.

I don't even known what I am doing for Christmas.  Air travel during these 2 holidays isn't cheap.  I wouldn't actually expect it to be.  I just wish it wasn't so far, I could drive there.  You just aren't going to drive 1,200 plus miles in one day.  I might could make 1,000, but 1,200 is absolutely too much. Ive done more than that in a truck and I was hating life at the ends of those trips.  Trying to stay awake and get the miles behind you.  Anything over a day's drive makes it undoable.  More time on the road than spent with those you are going to visit. Well, I could do one of those week off things and have enough time to spend.  I don't know, but I am not considering doing that for Christmas.  Just too much.  I will likely be dealing with thoughts of last Christmas and a failed relationship , as much as I don't want to do that, driving just gives even more time to dwell on such things.

I still affirm, though, that I am ready to start dating whenever the court says this is a done deal.

I did go to Walmart last night, but not until after the  initial madness was over.  I wanted to get Christmas lights and ornaments, but the line to get into that area was well over 100 people long.  They wouldn't let me in there to look at lights - I had no interest in the electronics that everyone was wanting and that was the line was for, not for lights and ornaments.  I gave up on that idea and eventually found some nice winter, long sleeve shirts on huge mark down and socks as well.  There were 5 cop cars parking in front of the store and even more patrolling the parking lot and adjacent areas.  Small town.  It is entertaining to watch people yelling at each other, running into each other and everything else that goes into a Walmart sale such as this.

Anyway, I went into work this morning, no-one was there. I wondered if they had changed their minds about opening up shop. The new driver showed up 15 minutes later and then? No-one for another hour after that.  The manager showed up, sent the new driver home, had me pull an order for Monday and the yard man - swept floors.  At 11 am, he sent us home.  Now, I get paid for a full day and I knew they would be closing shop early.  That's why I went into work this morning, so I wouldn't lose another day's worth of vacation hours since I'm taking a week off coming Christmas week.

After work, I went to Home Depot and found much better pricing on one day sale/Black Friday than Walmart had. I didn't spent that much, I just wanted lights and the crowd was light.  Down the street, Family Dollar had a package deal of ornaments, got that for 5 bucks and then headed home.  Visited Addler for a while, then off to Lowe's - got a 3-1/2 foot Christmas tree, put the lights on it and then? Forgot that you have to buy the hooks for the ornaments, lol.  Maybe tomorrow after getting my stuff back. Actually, landlords might have some.

I did buy myself a Christmas present today. Online sale.  A 20 inch desktop computer monitor for $59. That's an awesome deal. The one I am currently using black out frequently and was going to buy one off of Craigslist. But, can't go wrong with Newegg.com.  I'm going to buy my mom, maybe my brothers and probably my landlords a present this year and that's the end of it.  Last year was a far more extensive list.  I bought something for 7 out of 9 of her kids and her as well.

Oh, got some 99 cent Poinsettas at Home Depot today as well.  I mean, you aren't going to find them at that price even at Christmas when they are trying to get rid of them.  One day sale on those.

I'm very hopeful about getting my stuff back.  4 wheelers can be ridden in this neighborhood.  I dunno if legally or not. Next door neighbor is a Sheriff deputy and his kid is riding their 4 wheeler around here all the time.  Not that this is a good place to ride them, but a joy ride once in the while? Yeah.

Divorce won't be done - through the courts that is - til' after Christmas. And then, I will have some decisions to make.  Much of that will depend on what my company says either about the promotion or the pay raise.  Though I am about giving up hope on either of those.  It's been quite a while and no word back.  That isn't exactly a good sign - the other driver wasn't given an answer either. Actually, that's pretty lame.  Other driver is training to get his CDL A and then he's going to quit.  He's young.  I ain't young, though I have more options with as much driving experience as I do.  Just the idea of starting from scratch with a new company, gag.  I keep holding out hope they will up the ante, but something in me tells me that isn't going to happen.

Well, enough.  My tree is up and full of lights! I just wish I had remembered to get hooks to hang my ornaments!

Well.
I found more fencing, but it's soooo far away, just doesn't seem worth driving that far for it - though the price is fractional of what you would normally pay for it.  I mean, 10 cents on the dollar type of fractional.  Not really much else I am going to do back there until I get this resolved, so I am really kinda trying to ramp this up and see if I can find something a bit closer.

They are gone for the weekend - which really doesn't change much of anything for me, won't be doing anything different than I normally would.  Cept' cleaning up after Addler.  He has decided that crapping on the cement is a fine place to go doo-doo.  Silly dog. Oh well, the stuff has to be cleaned up regardless of where he does it, just a lot less visible and mess to clean up in the grass.  Likely he started doing that because of the rain, but rest assured, once a dog finds a place in a yard they like to do it? It will stay that way forever no matter how hard you try to get them to do it elsewhere. Ample experience in that department, a fruitless waste of time to even try.

I was going to take him for a walk today, but my outing to the hair salon and then Walmart nixed that.  I wasn't even doing that much and I was getting winded. Still sick, just gonna take it easy, the dog will live without it until I get better.  I did get my little space heater - that bathroom is cold in the morning and we aren't even close to what it's going to be like this winter.  Found thermals - finally - at Walmart and got what I needed of that as well.  I'm pretty much set for winter at work now.  Thinsulate caps, waterproof boots, thermals, thermal sweater, alpaca socks, just bought a camo overall at work - it's very heavy, very thick.  Work coats, gloves, not much else I can think of.  I am not good for being at work and getting wet and cold and having wet feet all day long.

But I am growing more and more weary of this workplace.  The other driver and I pretty much unloaded on the manager - in a nice way of course - about the "new" driver.  He is lazy, just wants to sit behind the wheel of a truck all day long.  He hates working in the yard and has made that unendingly clear - to us anyway - he keeps that s*** zipped around management.  No matter, management knows. He is still a temp driver and I hope they get rid of him and try someone else.

___________________________________

Well this is moving right along. She apparently must think divorcing a person after 5 months of marriage is - somehow - normal and shouldn't be a big deal? Val, that is.  At some point, I do intend on addressing - via email since that's the only way she will even respond to me - the totally lame way she ended this relationship.  Taking my stuff here - now called home - without telling me and then down the road, ending it by sending me copies of the divorce papers via email. There was no, Ben, I want to end this relationship - usually done in person, certainly concerning a marriage.  In fact, there was never any of that. It was just here's the divorce papers, here we go.

In any case, her daughter has the papers finalized and asked me if I wanted to see it via email or just read it when she gets here?  Ummm, yeah, nano-second's worth of thought: email it to me for I am going to read it all over.  If there is some legaleze in there that I don't understand, you can be rest assured I will fully understand it before any signing off occurs.

I will be looking for a female friend - and a friend only to start - pretty much right after this an official decree is made.  Why? Because I desire that kind of relationship.  Because now I won't allow myself to get dragged into an unhealthy one.  I went the full route with this one because that's what I came out here for.  It may be faulted reasoning, so be-it.  I came out here to marry her, I certainly had no other business to transact here.  I never even heard of Longview, TX before she came along.

Enough for now. Awaiting her (daughter's) reply.  The "Final Decree" is just another form.  Apparently Texas just does forms for doing divorces.  I'm glad I didn't pay a lawyer, this is all very simple and very easy to understand. I approved the decree, the only other thing - for now - that I have to do is sign off on it ... and....she has to bring over my stuff.  That is not debatable.

What do you do with a relationship where the other party find very little to nothing good about much of anything you say or do?  Get out of it.  Was just thinking about all of this nonsense today.  I may have to give a judge an answer - if asked about why this is happening - and I need to be sure to come up with a good one.  There is no man on the face of this planet that could ever fulfill all of her demands, I know this for a fact.  I continue to remind myself of this and many other things about what happened between us, over and over.  For likely, I am being extremely negatively talked about in her "circles" - which aren't big and likely being blamed for all of her current woes in her freedom group at church.  I know how she talks about her ex and about her kids when they leave and how she is generally.  I've actually not been talking about her hardly at all to anyone, not even the people here at the house I am living at.

I don't need to defend myself and anyone that knows her already understands.

The weekend is here.  I am still not feeling very well.  I will likely do a few things around here just because I want to - but anything that takes a lot of energy? No thanks. That will just make me start hacking and coughing and extending the length of this illness.  I am, actually, still looking for fencing for the back yard.  I found some not too long ago but I never got an answer, even after I changed my "bid" to simply agreeing to pay the full price they were asking.  It was enough fencing to do - far more than I needed.  There just aren't many options in this area.  Either pay full price for the materials or continue to search and hopefully find something.  I just don't want to drive to Dallas/Forth Worth area for it.  But eventually? I will if it comes down to it.  For the project is on hold indefinitely until a fence is erected around the desired improvement area.

And I'm not leaving Addler out of the fault here. He is a giant, goofy, clumsy Great Dane. He would likely do as much damage to any beautification area as any of the rest of the dogs.  He hasn't done anything yet - but the other dogs have pretty much taken care of everything.

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Well lookitthat.  I just received, while writing this entry an email from her oldest daughter.  She writes "I'm doing the divorce decree for y'all" and so forth - speaking as  if it were some trivial matter.  But whatever.  She asks for information to get this thing over and done with.  All fine and well, and I gave her most of it, but, I flatly stated that I will not agree to signing off on anything until she lets me come and get my stuff back.  I will go before a judge before I sign off on what - just letting her have my stuff?  SCREW THAT.

Well there have been numerous emails now, as I got sidetracked from this entry - which happens pretty much every time I start writing one - and she started emailing me back.  Basically, she writes up the decree, brings it over here with my stuff including my 4 wheelers and I sign off on it, walaah, done deal.  I guess.  Judge still has to sign off on it, but she does work for a law office at least. I want this done soon.  I told her I was tempted to just come get my 4 wheelers regardless. I'm afraid they are going to destroy them intentionally. At least this one is remaining neutral.

Whatever.  I'll get her the info tomorrow - I plain don't feel like it tonight, have to dig out VIN for my car.  She is going to be informed before she comes over here that I will be reading every single, last word of whatever she is bringing for me to sign and if I don't agree with any portion of it, I will summarily reject the entire document.  Prudence dictates - at least for her - that she simply send me the text via email beforehand. But whatever.  We're taking steps in the "right" direction, I guess, in getting this over with.

Enough.  I'm tired, time to get some rest.

I got to work this morning, realized there wasn't going to be any runs for me to go on and immediately wanted to go home.  I was totally out of it.  But I got busy with some stuff that - I had organized 2 weeks ago and the alleged yard man simply trashed since then. The warehouse manager asked me to pleeeeasse go out and clear that area up.  Dude, I JUST cleaned that up 2 weeks ago.  There isn't any good reason for it to be like that already.  Noooo - in his extremely deep-throated voice normal for him  - there isn't.  

I didn't argue with him, just went over there and cleaned it all up and reorganized the entire mess - again.  There is speculation the yard man is going to lose his job.  I don't really wish that upon him, but, at the same time?  He is totally sucking at what he is supposed to be doing and we aren't talking an extremely difficult job.  He likes to play on his phone, sleep, take off on personal errands and flap his lips in the main office with certain individuals more than he likes to - work.  

It was just non-stop garbage all day long. Doing the stuff the "yard man" "refuses" to do.  Which is most everything that he is supposed to be doing.  He's out for the week on vacation.  I proceeded to clean up the pipe yard for the - 500th? - time, including hauling a bunch of a certain type of pipe out of that yard to the new yard next to the main yard - which is across the street.  I loaded it all on the semi.  Once over there? I got the fork lift stuck. We are talking a huge forklift with HUGE front tires that have giant knobs on them for traction.  I thought it was funny.  I got it stuck, so I backed the semi trailer up to it, hooked a chain to both frames, found the other driver and got to cranking.  Tires spinning, I actually had to engage the interaxle lock to get that forklift out of that mudhole!

The day went like that - ALLLLLLLL day long. I was SO worn out by the time it was over, I barely made it home. I just wanted to stop on the side of the highway and go to sleep.  I'm totally serious. I'm forcing myself to stay up until at least 8:30.    

That's it. Just about passed out on the floor after I got done there to play with Addler.  

I had til' Friday to file a reply.  The rules state the third Monday after the papers are served and
Monday is the third, so I guess Monday but I don''t play games with stuff like that.  I am not going to have a "default" judgement against me considering the high stakes of her debt on the line here. Not that she is going to try to dump me with that.

Of course, that meant filling out the paperwork, finding a place to get copies of it made, going to the courthouse and filing it and then stopping at the post office to send her a copy as mandated by the court.  It's pouring rain outside and has been all day.  I'm still feeling quite bad and doing this wasn't exactly something I wanted to do, but I plan on going back to work tomorrow unless I just can't do it and that means I have to do this while I have time off.

The pleasant surprise was when I got my wallet out to pay to enter my reply.  Umm, no dear, it doesn't cost anything, did you bring any copies? Uhh, yes, I have 3 copies here.  Okay, well let me sign off on those and file your paperwork and that's it dear.  I had expected to have to pay the same amount she paid ot file - which was almost $300.  I'm not complaining, obviously.  Well I remember it costing hundreds of dollars to reply when my "first" ex filed for divorce in Phoenix.

Well, my celebration was to go get something to eat - though I had planned on that anyway because I simply do not feel like cooking.  I dont' feel like doing anything.  I have very little energy.  This is a head and chest cold. It isn't allergies, it's a full blown cold with the junk going on in my lungs to make it far worse.

I left Addler outside during all of this - he won't be in the house when I'm not here.  Albeit it it is pouring rain, the rear porch is covered and there is a huge carport in the rear that is also covered. If the dogs don't want to get wet - they won't.  He was lightly moist on his fur but no wetness on his paws.  I have been lucky so far. For not being a house-broken dog, he hasn't done anything in the house so far.

I was going to get a much needed haircut, but I figured they wouldn't appreciate a sick person carrying germs in there and potentially getting everyone sick, so I went home instead.

I just remembered that I bought a bunch of Christmas lights last year and decorated her living room with them.  I won't be asking for them back - though I doubt they will get used this year since she is not big into celebrating holidays.  All of the celebration was my idea and my effort.  The kids loved it, she acted like she liked it.  As almost everything I tried to do to make life happier around there, it failed in her eyes after coming out later on.
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Well, afternoon gone, evening here. Attempting to decide whether to go to work tomorrow.
Dunno.  Think I'll just decide that in the morning.  Getting up has been exceedingly difficult and haven't been doing so until around 9.  It seems the steroid shot is working for the cough, but the rest of me still feels like junk.
Meanwhile, Addler - who would rather be in here with me but he's a dog and a large one at that and needs to spend quality time outdoors - let me know for the first time that he needed to go. I mean, I was guessing that was what he was saying.  He speaks to me, lol.  It's pretty comical.  Anyway, got him outside and the first thing he did was pee and then found an appropriate place by his standards and dumped as well. Good doggy!  I spent some time out there playing with him and other dogs until I started coughing profusely and dumped that idea, heading back indoors.

I can say right now that I have NO desire to go to work tomorrow.  But I can't stay away forever.  perhaps show up, get anything done that needs it and head home early. I've done that before.  The new driver apparently showed up for work - very late today.  I know this because the other driver is always texting me now. In fact, we met at Chili's down the road on Sunday.

Well, wait and see - divorce that is.  Filed my reply and now need to sit and read through a large amount of material issued by the Texas Bar and see what they have to say about it.  It's advice for persons that are doing it without a lawyer.

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Monday Morning
Addler woke me up 3 times last night - checking on me.  Even
so, hits jitters are beginning to calm down - though I suspect after today that may ramp up a bit. I got up 20 minutes earlier than normal, let hiim out, filled up his food bowl, took a shower, let him back in where he proceeded to devour the entire bowl of food.  Dog was prancing around like a stallion. Definitely a lot of puppy left in him, lol.  Nice to get a younger dog though instead of one whose life is already half or more gone by virtue of age.

Anyway, this is day 4 of having the dog and also the first day of leaving him for 11 hours or so home alone while at work.  There are 3 other dogs there but he could care less about them and basiically ignores them unless in a playful mood - but the 2 puppies are terrified of him.  Addler is definitely a human person, he wants to be around us'ins all the time.  So, sort of going to get home later on today and wonder what it's going to be like, lol.

I am still not feeling all that great but decided that I didn't wannt to take any mmore time off of work.  Well, SHTF when I got there, not because of me, but because the new inside salesman left the warehouse door proped wide open - all night long.  The warehouse manager left early yesterday and instructed him to make sure the entire place was locked up, inncluding closing that door.  The dude was getting flustered and getting mad that the other driver had said thatl this dude had seen the door, walked right by it and left without closing it.  The warehouse manager was all OVER his case abouut it, but this dude refused to take responsibility.

The biggest problem with that whole place is the manager.  He is a nice guy - too nice - he doesnt like confrontation and has a hard time telling people like ti is or should be.  So these peoplee get away with all kinds of stuff because of  it.  Well, the purchasing agent showed up - he has an office elsewhere but sometimes shows up to work at our branch - and booted this inside salesman off of his desk and took it over, lol.    That inside salesman is lazy - he and the other insde salesman are seen playing on their phones all the time.

I'm getting tired of the place.  I am still waiting for an answer on promotion and on raise.  Im thinking of starting to look around this week online and start filling out applications.  I'm not going to continue to work my ass off for a manager/ment that wants mme to do the work of 2 people or more while several lazy people are making the same money and screw off all the time.  I'm just tired of it.

Well enough.  At least I got a nice, long run inn the pickup truck today.