So, trying to find airfare home for or near Christmas - daunting.  I'm not going to spend a fortune.  If that's the case, I'll wait til' after Christmas and visit home when prices come down.  I was reading about potential cyber deals for tomorrow - Cyber Monday - if you are looking for anything cheaper than normal, please search the internet tomorrow.  You can find amazing deals.  Cheaper prices, free shipping, one day only stuff.  An article I read said that airlines don't typically advertise those kinds of fares in advance, you have to go to their sites and check on that day or sign up for their newsletter.

I don't have to be there on Christmas day to be happy.  I can be here on Christmas day and think nothing of not being home with family. The reason is simple: my family is stupid dysfunctional. The only one that really wants to see me is mom and she is quite content to see me whenever I can come.  My son is still in Portland and has not stated a return date. He is apparently liking it there very much.  Maybe he will just stay there indefinitely, who knows.  He's on an adventure in life and though he isn't really learning anything for any kind of career - I did the same thing at his age and I have absolutely no regrets.  I take that back. He has done he gen-ed courses and was studying to learn Japanese. I don't know if he's going to finish.

I did recently have an internet college student encourage me to take some online classes.  I have only considered it thus far.  If I can find classes that don't cost a fortune, yes.  But if they want 30 40 50k, they can stuff it.  How is online worth the same or even more than going to a brick and mortar building and having access to teachers in person? They will give you all kinds of answers - I have been through this process of trying to find an online college - but their answers are lame.  No buildings to pay for, upkeep, taxes, electricity, water, etc.  Well they have a home building, I guess, where their computers are located, but nothing near as grandiose as a college.  I jsut refuse to pay premium rates and get into loans for online courses.

The other option is community colleges.  Allegedly they are pretty cheap in this area - I can attest that in the Phoenix area, they are not. But then again, Phoenix and surrounding cities are college towns.  ASU is the biggest but there are a LOT more colleges there.

That is a tangent I didn't even think of going into here.  My head is still wrapped around going over to her place today.  I'm glad I haven't been over there in months now, It would have been much harder to unravel my mind and heart from all of that if  for whatever reason I had to go over there.  I don't - actually - miss her that much.  I'm not sorry to say that, not after all I've been through.  But she has a beautiful, gorgeous property.  Not anything even remotely close to being a good reason to stay in a very toxic and bad relationship, but still.  That's a property I could never afford - though property out in the wild blue yonder in the middle of nothing ness is definitely affordable.  Don't underestimate the profession I am in.  Drivers can live literally anywhere if they are OTR and can take the truck home with them.  Not interest in OTR, but could do regional.  I'm definitely not married to my current company, not at the pay scale I am at.

This has been a strange day.  It has also been raining, non-stop, all day long. I didn't care about that over there, though.  I didn't make my co-worker get out of his vehicle over there.  He wasn't dressed for the occasion, lol. He had his two young kids with him.  He has custody of them. The mom is a lunatic.  I mean, to the point of having to be hauled off to jail last weekend because she showed up to see the kids and went off on Terrance's mom.  The kid's shoes out in front of her house. I had never seen that before and it dawned on me that all of those shoes are shoes that I bought for those kids. They weren't near my stuff that was left out there.  I am perplexed by that.  Did they somehow think I wanted their shoes back?

I don't know, but we are now entering the final stage of the divorce.  It will be scheduled for a short hearing before the judge. But it's not really a hearing. The judge looks over the paperwork and - signs off on it.  The daughter eluded to me not having to show up.  Umm, no, I'll be there, thanks.  A judge has no restraints by a piece of paper worked up by consenting adults.  He/she may look at the thing and have questions.  Or, she/val could bring up something to change in the paperwork and if I"m not there? Default judgement.  I don't leave things like that up to chance.  I politely told the daughter - Naomi - that I will be there, please let me know when it is, thanks.  I don't really ever want to see Val again after the things that she has done, but I will endure it for a short period of time to ensure that nothing happens that I can't object to.

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Sunday evening now. Started this post yesterday.  I have all kinds of thoughts running through my mind.

I spent the day cleaning - well not all day, but a lot of it.  My room, laundry, their kitchen. They had people over last night and there was a great deal of aftermath. I don't complain about it, but I wanted to cook this morning so I cleaned the entire mess up while cooking  - after cleaning off a space - and got that all done. I'm old enough to be dads to most everyone that shows up here. Which doesn't bother me, I'm just saying, it is a generational gap and though I can relate with much of it - I cannot relate with all of it. Anime for one thing.  This is Japanese version of adult cartoons.

Anyway, I still have this vision of her place when I came down the driveway and saw it for the first time in quite a while. And yes, it is DOWN a driveway.  You come up a long driveway, through a horse ranch and then over the top and back down again.  It is a very secluded place.  Anyway, those 2 4 wheelers were sitting in the grassy area in the driveway circle, faced directly at - me I guess - as I drove in. If I weren't at the mercy of the dude coming behind me to pull them out of there, I would have taken the time to visit with the cows and then go down and spend a few final moments at Duke's grave.  

There are other ways in there, that place is so far from her house and out of sight - completely out of sight that I could visit it coming from the undeveloped land beside it.  Why would you want to do that?  If you aren't a dog lover and haven't had a dog has been in your family for an extended period of time, you won't understand it. If you have, you might or might not. Duke was such a gentle spirit. I've had a lot of dogs and very good ones, but Duke was very special to me.  And others as well.  Val's babysitter that was watching the kids during the summer has numerous photos of him posted on her Facebook wall.  She explained to me that he kept her company during lonely nights - kids off to bed, Val in her room, I'm thrown out, she's a 20 something downstairs, alone, dog keeping her company.  I suspect she loved Duke as much as I did from her description of it and after seeing pics of her and him after he passed. I had no idea.

Oops, past my  bedtime. I was just getting started, actualy.  Really, I was.  Oh well.