Friday, December 22, 2017

Well, here I am, in Brownsville, Texas. 
I drove straight down here after getting the truck loaded. Only stopped 15 minutes for fuel and 30 minutes for required HOS/Hours of Service break. I got lucky in Houston - it was well before rush hour and I only hit a snag going out for about 5 miles.  Last two times weren't snags. They were hellacious, bumper-to-bumper traffic for 30 miles, at least. 

I didn't know if other drivers were coming down here or not, but last time I was down here, there weren't any trailers available and you can't leave until one is brought up from Mexico.  I figured I'd get here as fast as possible and snag one if there was one here, guaranteeing my trip home in time for Christmas.

Well, it turns out, the dude that was getting loaded in front of me when I arrived at the plant this morning was also being sent down here.  Well he was 2 hours ahead of me, because that  is - at the very minimum - how long it takes to load one of these tankers. We me in the parking lot as I was dropping the trailer.  He beat me here, he had seen me waiting and must have asked the manager if I was also coming down here, he hightailed it here.  He has a friend that I saw driving back up from Mexico.  That dude informed him I was on the run down there, best get there for the only empty trailer that was available when I left.

So, he got the empty - and I am stuck here for unknown length of time. There could be an empty here before I wake up in the morning - or it could be days. Or, as the other driver feared, it's the weekend and the verge of Christmas, may not be one here until next week, after Christmas. I know it's only Friday night and Christmas is 3 days from now, but I have heard of drivers since I came to work here having to wait here for days for a trailer to show up. 

Any other time of the year, I really could care less. For the money paid in detention time, which basically just means you are getting paid by the hour for waiting, it's worth waiting.  For as much money as it is, I will probably make getting a hotel room a habit on any occasion where I have to wait more than the 10 hour break, unless it's only by a couple of hours.  I'd do it tonight, but I have no idea about when one might arrive.  Definitely spend the night in the sleeper and hope beyond hope that there is a trailer sitting here in the morning or whoever shows up that runs the place has good news that one is on the way up.

Ugh, I have to go set up my inverter, computer battery almost dead. And I may have a LOT of time here, lol.  Jeopardy music begin....Okay. Done. I bought an inverter not realizing it has battery clamp hookups.  Well it didn't show it on the package. I bought the smallest one they had, which was still pretty high at 750 watts. I'm just powering a computer. Anyway, I have to go hook the thing up to the truck's batteries outside and run a cord into the truck. Not a big deal, really, but a permanent truck wil have one permanently installed.  I'm just hanging out until 90 days are up and see whether I make their cut. Their safety department is pretty anal about everything they want.  They can't track me right now, which is probably driving them crazy.  This is a rental truck, if they want a satellite link, they have to install one. They aren't going go dump that kind of money into a rental unless it's a long term situation, which it apparently is not.

Tho by now, by their statements, I should have already been in a company truck. No worries for me, this thing hauls @$$, has lots of power and is huge.  I have this truck parked in the back of the empty trailer parking lot, perched with a view of the entire place. If an empty shows up, I will see it come in, or if I miss it while sleeping, Ill see it in the morning.  Oh, and I have scrubbed this thing out, for the most part. Still some hidden areas left to go. Still a faint smoke smell, but nothing as atrocious as when I first stepping into this thing.

Okay, well, my main concern is getting home and when that will happen. I am on detention pay right now. As soon as I get here, if there isn't a trailer available, it's detention pay until one shows up.  That's guaranteed 10 hours right off the bat.  I could wait all day tomorrow and not bat an eye. Well I would just get out of here and do something, not sit in this truck.  The trailer is dropped, waiting for drivers to come up and haul down into Mexico. There has to be drivers on their way, they don't have us hauling this stuff to sit in a lot.  The other driver from our company is backed under the trailer that could have been mine if there had been any way to beat him here. But a 2 hour head start is impossible to beat unless the driver likes to stop a lot. 

I'm just going to hold out hope, A lot of trailers are brought filled up with Ethylene on a consistent basis down here. 

It's getting late, I'm tired.  Time for bed.














Thursday, December 21, 2017

Wait, I wrote out 3 paragraphs and they disappeared.  Like, that hasn't happened to me in a long time on here.

Oh well. Let's see here.  Well, I spent Wednesday driving about  6 hours and then the rest of the day in a hotel.  It's not hindsight, but I would have preferred a bit "better" hotel room.  I just couldn't find a place that had truck parking besides this place. I mean, the room was clean - sort of - but their version of remodeling was to overlap paint, overlap texturing and generally have a room that smelled bad for some reason.

I slept though. I turned the fan setting on on the window unit and put in my ear plugs and fell into deep sleep. Something woke me up around 3:00 am, but I managed to get back to sleep yet again after that.  So, I found a Panera Bread company place in the huge mall behind me this morning - I needed coffee and this cheap hotel wasn't giving any either in the rooms or the office.  I got my nice cuppa and headed back to the plant.  I was told to go through a back gate, that had another gate and another gate, all 3 of which would have to be unlocked.

Okayyyyy.........Well whatever.  I got back there and some dude was standing afar off, next to the giant Ethylene tank, that sucker went at least 80 feet up in the air - but the dude that escorted me in gave me hand motions.  Pull up there, back in there.  Then,. 2 guys from Airgas showed up in a pickup truck.  I was slowly backing around this stuff to get into the hole. The dude walks up - you need to get your rear trailer tire slid up next to where that guy over there has his shoe.  Okay.  Didn't bat an eye. The other drivers have been coming in here forever, they apparently wanted to test the new driver.  This new driver has been testing his backing skills for decades - for the fun of the challenge.  I've backed trucks up for literally miles. And into places they didn't think it could get in there.

And I can honestly said I nailed it. Right next to his shoe, stopped just short of running over it. Got out, all the PPE garb on, hiya gents, how we doing today?  But, they had it wrong.  Their hose wouldn't reach the drain tube on the truck. I almost laughed at them, but thought better of it.  Be nice, Ben, even if they're playing bs games with you, I thought.  Me making fun of them would likely get back to the company, so I seriously bit my tongue, got in the truck, pulled up about 40 feet to get it into position and there is this dude with his foot again. Pointing down at it.

Rednecks. I got that sucker right there, yet again. I got out, yet again and then, these 2 guys that know everything couldn't figure out how to get the air driven float valve to raise up.  I can't say that I knew either, I'm new to this, these guys have been doing this for years. . After I sat there and watched them fooling around with everything, I got in the tractor, called Ann, asked her to give me the phone number of someone that knows how to operate this thing. Well, Gary is right here. Gary - does know everything about this stuff.  I dunno how long he's been doing it, but if you need to know something, call Gary.  Gary gets on there - there are two valves on the trailer.  One on the back right side and one on the front left side. You have to open both of them to allow those floats to rise up.

Floats don't rise? You ain't emptying the trailer.  So, I got out, pulled them open and walaah.

These 2 dudes were good ole boys.  Not bad people,  in any way shape or form, but definitely rednecks and definitely of the "good ole' boy club" nature.  I'll give them credit, besides not knowing how to operate the truck trailer, they knew what the hell they were doing on the plant side of it. I asked a lot of questions, cause' that was one thing they seemed to enjoy doing.

I got much more of an understanding on how to operate that truck today than I have anywhere else.  I don't necessarily have to know how to operate the plant side of it, I'm finding out.  In fact, contrary to claims, the guys said the drivers have never operated the plant side of the operation. How long did it take you to learn all of this? I asked. 3 years.

It doesn't take 3 years to learn that stuff.  There isn't that much to it. I admit I don't understand all of it yet, but no-one is training me.  I'm just trying to learn off the cuff.  But there are X number of valves and there is only so much that needs to be done. There is more waiting than anything.

We were starting to wind this operation down when Ann called. I "missed" the call, cell phones not allowed in the plant, but was obvious people were doing that in their vehicles.  I went inside the truck.  "Are you finished unloading yet?  Did you leave the plant?".  No, we are getting close to done but not sure how long before I get out of here.  "Oh, well I'm trying to figure out driver resources here.  I have a load going down to Brownsville. I told them after we hired new drivers that I wanted all the Brownsville runs they have."

This wasn't bad news to me, I mean, I am not getting a day or two off, but I need to get some cash flowing here.  And not only that, I thought, if I take this run, I should be setting myself up to be home on Christmas.  I hate to see Renee home alone on Christmas.  I don't want to be somewhere out on the road on Christmas, either.  But I knew that was a real possibility when I signed up for this job and I'm the newbie. It's likely she couldn't find other drivers because they are taking time off.

I didn't agree right away tho. I was concerned about my hours as was she.  Is there enough time to get back there, get the required 10 hour break and get to the plant by the prescribed time?  What's the latest I can get there? 7:30 am. See, when these orders are placed, they are placed on contingent of the driver being at the plant at X time.  There is a time factor. These particular plants don't run without Ethylene. They seem to have reserves, but they don't want to use them.  Yet, they rely on rail to bring this product to them.  But, when the rail doesn't show up - they are on their own time and can take up to a month to deliver - they have to have it hauled in via truck. Which is usually next day service.

After I thought about it for -- a short period of time -- she intoned that she has 10 minutes to give them an answer, if she can't do it, they go to someone else - I said yes, I should be able to get this done.

And here I am.  I have to get up int 7-1/2 hours to get to the yard, hook up to a trailer and get to the plant. I'm supposed to be there an hour early, but I already told her after she said the latest was 7:30 am - when I'm actually supposed to be there - that I wouldn't make it until 7:30. Good!

I was going to drive the tractor home tonight to save on fuel costs.  But, my car drives a lot faster and I wanted to get home, lol. And, it's time to go to bed : )





















Wednesday, December 20, 2017

This particular trip's saga moves on.  I was informed, after driving another 7 hours today to get here, that they weren't fixing to unload me until 7:30 am.  What?  It was 1:15 pm this afternoon.  I'm going to sit in a truck for 18 hours.  I don't think so.  She said, yup, we don't unload excepting early in the morning.  Look, sweetie, I know ALL the drivers from your company.  Her to me, that is, I wouldn't talk to a security guard like that, if they don't like it, they gonna get pissed and you are going to be on their "list".  I wasn't starting trouble, lol, just offering the info that was given me.  Okay, honey, I'll be back tomorrow at 7:30 am : )

That's about the time I decided to get a hotel room. Nothing fancy, but clean, a shower, a bed and free wifi, some TV to watch the news and basically some room to not make me feel like I'm in a little box.  I can spend 10 hours in there mostly sleeping, but not 18.  Screw that.  I kept trying to call and text my manager, tho, before I did that.  Like, some specific instructions? Some strings she might try to pull to get it unloaded?  But she wasn't answering. I could get her into so much trouble for that, lol.  This company wants a manager available 24 hours a day, regardless. No, I won't do that, hahah, just brought back the memory in Amarillo at orientation.

One of the drivers said he couldn't get a hold of her and I said the same thing - but we had NO idea how that was going to play out or that that was even an issue.  I'm used to having a manager you can't get a hold of.  Her boss went livid.  I mean, they blew this up into a huge ordeal.  I was like, wow! No, please let's just calm down! That wasn't intended to get her into some kind of trouble! That's the only reason I said that, no way I would turn her in. In fact, there is a lot of stuff going on that corporate has policies against, but hey, that isn't my issue. Some of the stuff these companies want you to do is really some serious control issues.  I'm not going into details here, however, not worth it.  Not that many reading this blog but it is public, not private.

Anyway, she did finally call back. Well, I just wanted to let you know I'm stuck here until tomorrow morning. Okay, thank you.  You are getting paid for the time you have to wait. Oh really?!!!!

After that call, I figured it up: 18 hours of detention pay.  That's almost $400 for sitting around doing nothing.  Hotel justified, Im at an Econolodge.  Got it on one of the hotel sites for $46.  Not bad, not great. Get what you pay for, but there are no whores in the parking lot and there are no roaches running around. Whether there are bed bugs or not remains to be seen. The flooring is brand new, 46 inch flat screen tv, nice bathroom, working heating/cooling. Microwave and fridge.  Not bad for that kind of money. I mean, there are better hotels here, but none of them had a place to park a truck that size.  This trailer I'm pulling is a monster. MUCH larger than the other trailers in the yard. Apparently my manager has a problem finding people that are comfortable with that thing. The tandems are at the very back of it, meaning very wide turns, having to swing way out to not take out curbs, lights and people.

Speaking of trailers, need to go check the pressure. This ordeal is keeping me from home, but the pay negates that.  And being in a hotel room further alleviates that.  If they don't keep me more than 3-1/2 hours in there tomorrow, I can get home tomorrow night. Otherwise I will be sleeping out on the road somewhere in Louisiana.  Anyway, that's what's going on. A 2 day trip turning into potentially 4 days, but it's enough money with detention that it all pans out.

Now, my oldest brother and his wife sent me a Pepperidge farm gift pack!  That is absolutely amazing considering the tensions going on between us earlier this year after dad died.  And his sickening statement that really, really pissed me off. I'm not really trying to mend anything with my middle brother, he has written my mom off and that is inexcusable. I don't want to say may he rot in hell, but I'm definitely in the arena of go jump in an icy cold lake, and that is putting it much more nicely than the thoughts that actually come with it.

How do you write your parents off?  Mom is sweet, loving, gentle, kind.  Just an overall wonderful person.  There isn't anything in her at this point in her life that anyone would find offensive.  Yet,  my asshole middle brother has decided to go the same route with her that he went with my dad.  Nope, I want nothing to do with him. I don't want to talk to him, I don't want to see him online - anywhere, nothing.  I'm not even doing this again.  I don't get it and now, I don't care if I don't get it.  He can stew in his own juices. He won't be there for Christmas at my oldest bro's house, I have been invited but I doubt I will be able to go. I wish I could, tho. Even just fly in the night before, go and fly back that same day.

Whatever. Life goes on.  Just trying to think when I might just ask for 3 days in a row off. I've gotten 2 without asking 3 times now.  Certain things I don't want to do, and one of which is make myself look like I don't want to work just coming into a job. 

Welp, I'm going to fix myself to get to thinking about heading to bed.  I don't have to be there until 7:30 am, it's only 15 minutes away from here.  I was looking around when I drove into this town.  Where can I park a truck if I need to? Once  you've been to a place, you know where you can and can't park.  Until then, it's just guess work. Helps if you get there daytime so you can see around.  This hotel stuck out because a truck was already parked there.  Not a single other hotel in this town - and there are a lot of them - that I saw anyway-  had truck parking.  Not that that is surprising, I've had my issues trying to find parking places as it stands.  Some hotels are truck friendly, many are not.

I dunno what else.  I mean, I'm just waiting to see what I'm going to be getting for paychecks after all the orientation and traveling stuff isn't showing up on checks, and this next one, coming Friday, will be that.  I dunno how good that one will be, but the next one after that? At the rate I'm going, it will be fatter than any check I've had in a long, long time.  Again, I could kick myself for staying at Ferguson so long.  I get loyal to a company and I invent excuses not to leave.  It will get better, I keep thinking, but it didn't. It just kept getting worse.  That manager can literally go screw himself, what a total a-hole. 

At the home front, Donny is heading to Dallas to spend Christmas with his uncle.  Rene is staying home and I hope to be there Christmas Day, for it would really suck for both of us if the house were empty.  I am definitely not guaranteed Christmas Day off. .The only thing I am given is $140 for the day whether I work or not. If I work, that's on top of it, if not, that's what I get.  For as much money as they are paying us here, one would think they would give a bit more for a holiday, but I'm not going to complain about it.  I don't want to be on the road on Christmas Day is all I can say about that.  If they have me out before or after, fine, I can deal with it.

Rene made her wonderful fruitcake- it really is, I despise fruitcake but this stuff is good - and gave me 6 loaves of it to take to work and a plastic container full of home made cookies.  The loaves aren't that big, lol, it's just that it looks like a miniature loaf of break. It's soft, tender and the fruit in it is totally drunk with rum, also soft, not hard and very tasty. 

She is now home alone.  But, she has 3 dogs to keep her company and numerous firearms to protect herself.  Firearms courtesy of me, 2 of the dogs my courtesy as well.  Addler does, however, get very cranky after I"ve been gone too long.  That's the report I hear.  He would have expect me back today, certainly tomorrow. 

I dunno what else. There's more, but I'm getting sleepy.  Bedtime. Not the longest day today, but I woke up foggy this morning and it hung with me half the day.  I could have slept for a couple more hours.  I thought I had to get her ASAP, as the paperwork states. Obviously, they didn't need it as bad as the paperwork says they needed it. I was really getting cranky - why have to wait around here for a day and a half because of someone else's bs? ...until I found out I get paid for it. That took alllllll of that away.  I have been hanging out in the hotel all day long, only left to get something to eat and go check the trailer a couple of times.  Pressures have to be recorded on a graph.  Every 5 hours. But I have been checking this load more frequently because of the issues at the plant.  If that pressure relief valve goes on the trailer, that's it.  It just keeps going from what I'm told.  High dollar mount of product vented into the air and a trailer that will need serviced because of it.

Not that that would have been my fault if it did occur. But not one is going to tell me I didn't do due diligence to go out and check the thing frequently.  I'll have to get up in the middle of the night to go out and check it again.  Which I don't like, but I wake up every night anyway, so not that big of a deal.

Okay, I'm getting off of here. 















Tuesday, December 19, 2017

It's - uhhh - Tuesday night.  I'm at a truckstop in a very small town named Calhoun, in Louisiana.  This truckstop is rather obscure, I only found it because I was hungry one day on my former job and decided to get off the highway and see what's here. Turns out, a large truck parking lot, a convenience store, diesel fuel aisles for trucks and a restaurant that puts up some pretty good food.  It's a go to place if having to stop in this area that I know there will be room for another truck, which at 7 pm on any given night, is not necessarily true at any of the big truckstops.  It's very much likely that they are already completely full and  good luck finding a place if you are almost out of hours.

This is why you see trucks parked on off and on ramps or wherever they can find, really  Drivers want to drive out their full hours and only leave enough time for the post trip inspection and to find a place to park, which means half an hour at the end of the day at most.  I've chiseled it down to 15 minutes at times.\

I didn't make it very far today.  I got the call for this run last night, be on the scales at 6:30 am.  Okay. I was there and I got to the rack where the truck is loaded, got the truck loaded up and then.....everything went south.  This dude comes walking in with the key to my truck - they take them away from you when you park the truck now. Undoubtedly, some idiot/s came along (truck drivers) and took off with the hoses still hooked up to the truck, causing untold amounts of damage and putting the entire plant at risk of explosion.  This is the world we live in today.  If one person screws up, everyone pays for it. I suppose it's always been that way, but I really don't believe to the degree we see it today. 

Well I got sidetracked but worth noting.  He didn't give me the key and he went to the back office where the manager is.  This office is a 40 foot long, explosion proof cargo container.  Anyway, they talked for 20 minutes and then he came back in, sat down on a chair.  Ummm, can you back that big long thing in front of that rail car over there? Gesturing to a near impossible backing maneuver that I agreed to without hesitation instantly - I love a challenge. 

But it wasn't really that hard and I didn't even have to do a pull-up to correct the angle.  And there it was, parked in front of this rail car. The rail car is full of the same chemical we are hauling and also was rejected by the plant it was sent too - too hot.  Not exactly sure yet all of this terminology, but it means that it is getting too warm because it was in the car too long and is now heating up, causing too much vapor and therefore causing too much pressure. It was the pressure they didn't like and they had no way to cool it back down.  Send it back to the plant. 

It was explained to me that there is a "travel time life" for this chemical. It is down to the hour.  One trailer might say 1,771 hours and another less than 1,000. It depends on the trailer and the insulation used - but now they have jackets of space between the inner tube and the outer shell. They draw the vacuum down and that insulates it.  I'm no expert, just explaining it how it was explained to me.  Anyway, those hours mentioned are how long this stuff can travel before it begins to heat up.  And once it does that, it starts turning to vapor and the vapor causes pressure and yes, there are pressure limitations to any of these truck trailers or even the rail cars. 

What they decided to do was pump the stuff into my trailer and see if it would cool down - which it didn't do. The pressure went WAY up high.  Like, no thanks, I'm not hauling that high, though I never had to say that, they determined that before I even knew what was going on.  You can assume that I am asking a LOT of questions to anyone that knows anything about this stuff and how it is handled. 

The day went to hell after that.  I mean, I can handle waiting, but for 10 hours? I was going stir crazy.  They were waiting on another specific truck to show up to pump half my trailer's worth of ethylene into and then pump plant made ethylene into the rest of it to see if that would work. They wanted to deal with this rather than burn it.  Oh yes, they have those giant burners you see at some plants standing way up in the sky.  Well it turns out, that truck never showed up and the dude started making phone calls, first to Groendyke (100% sure if you have spent any time on an Interstate you have seen their trucks). The lady said no, that's not on our list. Then to my manager. I was sitting there listening to all of this.

The guy said, well, do you have a trailer to be loaded for Baker for the 19th? No, she said, but she started looking. Nope, I have one for today, the 20th, but I didn't have one for the 19th.  Well, the problem with that is that today IS the 19th, not the 20th, she had her days messed up and I can only imagine the mess she must have had to clean up with that one, besides what happened here today. Anyway, she found a truck to come get loaded. Well I dunno what that driver was doing, but it doesn't take 2 and a half freaking hours to get to that plant. 

The workers eventually gave up on it and hooked the rail car up to my tanker through their rather elaborate system of pipes and it...took...forever. Hour after hour.  Driver after driver coming in, getting loaded on the regular rack.  I was getting tired of talking. I mean, I like to talk, but these drivers would get in, sit down and start it up. This went on for 10 solid hours.  I was dead. I didn't sleep that well last night, it happens often enough and I don't even care anymore except making for a long day and likely not wanting to talk to 10 different people for that length of time. But, I didn't want to be rude and we are in this confined space. You are not allowed to walk around the facility unless you are using a port-a-potty or going to the designated smoking area.

Whatever. They finally called it good to go. Are you sure? Cause' I sure has heck don't want problems on the road. Yup, the pressure is holding steady.  I was a bit nervous about that, but I left that area, went to their scales, weight out at 77,940 pounds, parked to go get my paperwork from inside but instead went to the back of the trailer, opened up the doors and looked at the gauges. 33 inches and 22 pounds of pressure.  The pressure is what I'm interested in, I don't care about the inches.  I don't know if I should be, but that's just the liquid level.  Nobody cares about that, it's the vapor pressure that is the concern. Cause' honey, if it gets to a certain level, the release valve will open and it won't stop. Not only do you lose a huge amount of money into the thin blue air, the trailer has to be put out of service, sent into a shop and a large bill attached to repairing it. I'm looking to avoid that at all costs. They would rather you find a place away from civilization or at least any people and vent it.  It's highly flammable, explosive I am told and a cigarette butte thrown out a car window can ignite it. 

Moving on.  I have a little while left. I was trying to figure out where to connect my new inverter, couldn't find anything, couldn't find anything on the internet besides a bunch of people that want to make videos to assert how much they know but impart zero knowledge to you and then decided to just hook it up to the main batteries so I can run my computer.  Turns out the computer's power cord reaches that far.  I couldn't fire this laptop up. It was at full charge when I shut it down so I'm a bit perplexed how it got to zero power. 

Anyway, I did end up visiting my friend in Atlanta on Saturday night, on the way back from a plant. It worked out well for my hours of service.  I didn't have to be back by any particular time and I knew I wouldn't be back before Sunday evening, so what the heck. The toddler remembered me after about 5 minutes.  We hadn't seen each other since they left - which has been over a year now.  It was very cool to hang out with them, I took them out to a steak house and we had a great time for a couple of hours.

The problem, however, was the places she said I could park a truck? No truck parking signs everywhere.  These were within a stone's throw of her townhouse.  Uhh I didn't say I was there on texting, I just started driving around, looking for a place.  It was Saturday night, surely there must be some business, somewhere, that is shut down for the weekend. I struck gold when I turned into an industrial park - the entrance directly across the street from 6 Flags delivery entrance.  I drove through there once and found a huge place for trailers, but no trucks in there and green lights flashing at dock bays. Meaning to me I couldn't park here.

My second run through, I saw a "truck entrance" at a Christian day school center. Huh? I drove in there. A bunch of trailers in the back, but the entire place was deserted.  I had found my parking spot.  It was cold enough outside - 34 degrees - the entire trailer iced over. This stuff is 130 degrees below zero, it is going to greet outside cold weather with open arms. Taylor, can you come pick me up? She was there in 2 minutes. I had found a place only a quarter mile from her house. 

I got to their place, greeted everyone, and then we went out to eat. It was about a 3 hour visit. Much too short, but I couldn't spend the night, I needed to stay with the truck.  You have to check the pressures every 5 hours, and anyway, I was leaving early.  6 am. She wouldn't have wanted to get up to take me back there, she has a routine with those kids and I wanted to respect that. 

It was a great visit, it was so good to see them, I can only wish they can come back sometime soon. It will be a whole different lifestyle than what I have now, but that is the lifestyle I was living with before they left. 

Okay.  I"m running out of steam and so much I want to write. But, the next shocker for me: my brother actually texted me, thanking me for the Omaha Steaks! I just can't go into all of that right now, but I will say that he went into the fact that he is a juror on a case about a man that left his 2 year old son in a car in Phoenix in the hot summer for 2-1/2 hours. The kid died.  My bro would only give me info that the news has already reported, as such as he is bound to do so.  Didn't try to pry him for more info, I thought cool, he's actually talking to me.  I might expand on all of that on a future post, but it's past my bedtime now, which isn't a big deal.  I can go to bed an hour late and be fine the next day.

There's more, much more actually, but this fatigue has suddenly caught up with me. I learned long ago, when you get hit with that? You have a window of opportunity to go to sleep. Maybe half an hour or so. If you stay up beyond that, you are likely not going to have a very good night's sleep. It's taking me time to get used to the feel of sleeping with a truck engine on, but I am not going to turn the truck off either when it's hot, warm or cold. Right now, it's muggy and warm outside, which is amazing being we are in December.

Well, Merry Christmas to whoever reads this and I will post again soon.
































Monday, December 18, 2017

I've been short on time for posting. I could have earlier today, but I was busy getting stuff done. As it stands, I was called at 9am - after getting home from a 3 plus day run - to go to a run to Illinois. I would have taken that run, too, but I had stuff going on at that moment I was trying to get rectified. I didn't refuse the load, just the manager said she had someone else that might could take it when she called me.

I said, cool, if he can't do it, I'll take it.  She texted me 10 minutes later: he took the run.  Good, because I spent the day getting stuff done and in a little over 7 hours from now, I have to get up and get off to the plant to get loaded and take it to a place in Alabama. From my estimation, it's a 2 day run. And at the rate I'm going, I can see where 80k plus per year is easily obtainable. I'm ready for a permanent truck, tho.  Well, I'm ready to get through the 90 day probation period first.

If they find me acceptable, then I want my own, brand new truck and put in a refrigerator, microwave and a coffee pot. Or at least a refrigerator and a coffee pot. I don't have to have a microwave but it would be nice for reheating leftovers that I could take with me and store in the refrigerator. I would be taking the truck home at that point. I might bring the current one home anyway, I didn't do it this time, either because I wanted to - get home. My car goes much faster than that truck, lol.

And, tomorrow, I will be in anticipation of the new ELD - Electronic Logging Device - rule, of which my rental truck doesn't have.  I can be cited for not having one.  I can do nothing about that.  Well, I could go buy my own, but I think the company should fork out the money for a "temporary" device that would deal with the issue.  Just have to make sure my log book is in order, which I'm going over tonight.  

Well wait just a minute.  They actually have a smart phone app for it.  No kidding.  I am downloading one now as I type this.  If this works, it's better than having just a paper log.  And there it is. An electronic log on my smart phone. Should have figured. Not telling the company, no need to. They should have dealt with this. The rental company should also have something on board to deal with this nonsense.  

But if I get pulled over and checked, there it is, magic. If they don't accept it, see ya in court.  Tho supposedly they are going to give leeway until April. We'll see about that, DOT officials act like gods.  They think they can dictate the world to truck drivers. Which is why so many are opting out of trucking, this shit here will do away with a lot of drivers. Yes, you can bend the rules. Nobody cares. If you are wide awake, alert and focused, nobody gives a damn about government regulations. They lord themselves over us because they can. And because one truck driver somewhere had a horrific accident, so the entire industry should pay for it.

Whatever. It's just driving. How many of you can get pulled over and have your vehicle put out of service because of bs?  Or get ticketed because something in your paperwork isn't right? This shit was nonexistent in the 80's. Even the 90's not so much.  I'm tired of it, but it's my line of work and I have nothing else.  So I have to deal with it.  

Oh well. Much more I want to write about, I simply don't have time. I need to look over my log book and make sure everything is good, fill out paperwork for tomorrow's run and go to bed.  

Thursday, December 14, 2017

Sunday night.
A bit after 10 pm
I don't have an ultra early start tomorrow, so I am staying up a bit later than I normally would on such a night.
I have a run to some small town in South Carolina, I expect this to be a 3 day trip minimum.

The cool part of this trip...well there's a couple cool parts. This trip is a fortune in terms of pay.  A grand minimum for 3 days out, maybe a portion of a 4th day.  The second is it goes right through Atlanta. The owners of this house and my friends live on this side of Atlanta near the amusement park. 6 Flags, that is.  I"ve already talked to the misses.  It's almost guaranteed that I am stopping in there for a 10 hour - legitimate btw - break  on the way back. Just works out that waay. 

And it doesn't matter on the way back anyway.  It's getting there. This is an ASAP load, meaning get it there as fast as possible.  This stuff apparently just comes up on Ann's screen and she puts the next available driver on it. Or so it seems. I'm really out of the loop on that for now.  I'll figure it out as time goes on.  I do know that I don't waste time getting anywhere and I normally don't waste time coming back. But stopping in Atlanta is a must.  There are no pressures to get back quickly, I would have 2 days off or a day and a half at least from my limited experience with this place.

I can tell ya, this place and this job is starting to grow on me. . I never expected this kind of time off in between trips. The way it was spoken about left it up in the air.  Had no idea, just knew that I wasn't staying at the Mississippi job and needed to move on.  This hazmat stuff i can deal with, the loads are a bit much in terms of weight. They are filling these trailers up to the point your truck is just below 80k weight. That's legal, getting the axles to 34k, 34k and 12k can be a different storry. 

Anyway, if I really end up staying here - not on my part, I'm staying, but on corporate part and the 90 day probation period - I'm going to stack the truck out with a regrigerator, microwave, coffee pot and possibly a 22 inch flat screen tv with satellite. The tv stuff is negligible, but I do like watching movies.  And we already have all the movie channels on Direct Tv and a fairly decent package at my house in Phoenix on Dish Network. I could hook up to either but Direct TV would take preference since it already has all the movie channels.

These are thoughts crossing my mind, not counting chickens before the eggs are hatched.  Refrigerator and coffee pot bare minimum, coffee pot coming soon. In fact, if I had thought about it before just now, I would have gotten one on this two days off I've had.  I guess it doesn't matter. I figured to buy a large inverter at Love's going through Shreveport and I can get a coffee pot specifically designed for trucks there tol.

Ugh. So much I wanted to write about but the day grows long.  I need to go to bed. Going to get up much earlier than I have to but still, it's a late start at work so i can afford to do that. I would rather get up early than stay up late. 












Merry Christmas!
Just thought I'd throw that in there.
Just got home.  2 day adventure to Brownsville, Texas.

It's quite the drive down there, about 600 miles one way.  I can't say that I've been to Brownsville since I was on the mission field in the mid 80s to early 90's.  It was an entry point we'd take to get into certain parts of Mexico.

Anyway, the worst part of this particular trip was driving through Houston.  I hadn't been through there in a long time, either, but I already knew it was going to be hell going south because I was going to hit rush hour traffic about the time I got there.  And sure enough, I did.  I think it was an hour and a half to get through that city.  Coming back earlier today was even worse.  I hit it right at rush hour and it was dreadful.

But whatever.  I was actually lucky on Monday that the trailer I hooked to had half of the running lights out.  Okay, I didn't care for that at all, but it set in motion the length of time it took to get the mechanic out of bed, to the yard, discuss the more important things in life, namely: ATV's (he had a brand spanking new one sitting on the trailer he pulled into the yard when he arrived) and then get down to attempting to figure out what was wrong with the damned trailer.

He didn't have a replacement pigtail, so I went to Eastman, got the thing loaded with that wonderful chemical and came back to the yard to get the part installed and get out of there. But, a very well experienced driver was there and told me allllll the details of doing the Brownsville run, including the best place to stop and get a burrito.  He likes food. We probably all like food, but he really  likes food.  It's like his go-to subject as far as I can tell for the several times I have encountered him now.  Anyway, the information was invaluable.

For example, no one bothered to tell me that if there wasn't an empty trailer at the yard at Brownsville?  You are to wait until one arrives.  We take them to Brownsville, drivers from Mexico come up and take them into Mexico to a plant in the interior.  I don't know why we just don't drive them to the plant.  Ummm, well, I don't know if the faint of heart could handle that kind of driving. Well, when I got there, dropped the loaded trailer and went hunting, there were none of our trailers on the property. The man running the yard said there was one coming up - it would be a while. I contacted Ann. You get paid for waiting. I didn't ask her that, she invoked it.  I assume I'm going to get paid for waiting for an empty trailer that has nothing to do with the loaded run I just made.


I took the tractor out of the yard and searched out a place to eat.  Shaved and brushed my teeth while I was at it, stopped a Dollar General for cleaning supplies and went back to that yard.  The truck I am driving is just a giant ashtray. Whoever drove it before me must have been in it a while, it's a rental truck. There are ash and congealed ash deposits literally everywhere.  I'm considering charging the price back to the company, I shouldn't have to deal with this shit.  The friggin' truck is a giant ashtray and it's disgusting. I have been cleaning it here and there, today I spent much more time just cleaning out the numerous drink holders that were filled with congealed, dried out ash shit.  It's just freaking disgusting.  And smells like hell. Well I don't know what hell smells like and I don't want to find out, but they should add this smell to it for good effect.

A few hours later and this dude from Mexico drives the truck into the lot, stop in front of me (I'm in the tractor, backed into a hole, view of everything, waiting for the trailer to arrive) and he's waving his hands at me. Well drop the thing, let's get with it, what's the problem here? So he did. Big ole', giant fresh ding in the side of the trailer. I mean, I don't know that that happened on this particular trip down there, but I'm not getting blame for someone else's bs.  So I snapped a photo and sent to manager: not my doings, thanks.

_______________________________

Alright, next day.  Texted Ann. When am I going out again? Friday.  Ugh.  I thought didn't say.  Okay, do you know where?  Nope, I'm just in the queue for Friday.  A short run could get me back Saturday night and able to possibly get down to the ride on Sunday.  A day's worth would be fine.  Not counting chickens before they hatch, but one can be hopeful.  Otherwise, I think I just need to load the thing up and go to the nearest riding place and see if the thing is actually going to work and/or if it needs more repairs.  I'm considering doing that tomorrow since I have the day off.  Considering being the operative word. More fun to go riding with other people than alone, tho alone does have it's virtues. If there were mountains around here I would definitely love to go alone, get up in the woods far away from civilization and just meditate on things.  But, the same may possibly be had around here, who knows.

I won't however, drive clear to where the group will be on an alone trip. It's 83 miles one way and that isn't worth it for me to do the alone thing.  What I really need is 2 more ATV's and then the other 2 here can go and we can have day or even half day trips out of this house - they really need to get out more.

Forgot to post this. Will finish up in another post. 
















Sunday, December 10, 2017

So I just found out I am not working again until Monday morning.  Mixed feelings. Love weekends off, but right now? Would love it more to be making some money to catch up.  Ann sent me the text with the information and that's when I saw it.  I decided to zip my lip.  Said thank you, haven't been to Brownsville in ages, sounds good.  I'm really not going to complain about a weekend off when that's what I really want.  If I do that, then it may send the signal of not caring about that stuff, and yes, I do care.  I won't say anything because the company requires willingness to work weekends.

I had this wild hair to go to La Quinta down the road and bask in the glory of a nice hotel room and take Adler with me since La Quinta allows pets.  And if you don't believe me, google La Quinta pet policy. Not only do they allow pets, one of the pics at the bottom of the page is of a Great Dane lolol.

But no, not tonight anyway.  Well  it's only 5:30, but just not tonight.  It's a waste of money, maybe, but at the same time, just hanging out at a cool place with an awesome room. And my big ole' doggie with me on his own bed. Yup, it's a room with 2 Queen beds in it.

Speaking of dogs, I called a vet this morning. Do you have any openings today?  Why sure, we have one at 9:30, but then she backtracked since that was less than an hour away. I said, no no that's fine, I can be there.  So, my previous experience at 2 vets is not so great with him. They are afraid of him and he senses it and gets rambunctious.  Anyway, I needed to get his rabies shots renewed, his license and get him a fresh shot for heartworm.

Remember that the dog, when I got him, tested negative for heartworms and put him on the shots. And then a year later, tested positive for them.  With the plan that the dog be put on an almost 2 grand treatment program.

____________________________


That was yesterday. I spent today getting stuff done. And after all of that, built a fire in the pit and sat around with the other 2 here and we talked for quite a while. I'm pretty sure I would hate to live alone. With all the bs that sometimes occurs with having people living with you, it's still better than being alone.  Dogs are great, but they don't hold conversations lol.

_____________________________________

Well having trouble getting through an entry. Now Sunday evening. 3 full days off of work.  The only complaint I have is that I have to be up and out of bed to start the day in the morning at around 4:00 am.  That's not really all that much fun, and then drive all day to get down or close to Brownsville, Texas.  I spent a good portion of the day attempting to finish that 4 wheeler.  I just had to bolt plastic back up, but the bolts and nuts in question are long gone.  I suspect one of the dogs got a hold of the box all of that was in. 

So, I went and spent a literal hour at Lowe's attempting to find the right bolts to deal with this.  Back home and got most of it back together. 

But before I did any of that, I filled the gas tank back up and spent quite a while trying to get the thing fired up. It ran great for about 20 minutes, including having the cooling fan come on at the intervals it was supposed to - that was what I was really checking.  That thing has been a headache, I hoped after sitting for a while I wasn't going to have further issues with it. 

Well just posting this, time for bed.

Wednesday, December 6, 2017

Wednesday
Got back from Oklahoma last night.
Got a run - early - to do tomorrow, but it's really a short run. It's only 128 miles from the plant.  Not exactly a high paying run, but if I can get it done in one day, that's a nice day's work.  Well I can get it done in 24 hours, I'm talking about getting loaded, getting up there and getting back in the same day.  It's really all up dependent on how long it takes to load and how long it takes to unload. Talking 6 hours for all of it, minimum.  It's 2 hours and 13 minute up and back.  We'll call it 11 hours total on a 14 hours time clock.

But, when I said that to my manager, she replied "sometimes" as to getting it done in a day.  So, I'm guessing this plant it's going to takes their sweet old time.  I guess that's fine, that means more detention pay.  But on such a short trip, I'd rather just get it over with the same day and be back to get another run somewhere.

Anyway, it got our version of cold here while I was out, so I've been burning a nice pit fire all day long.  I guess I should run up to the store and get some more granola bars - that's pretty much what I eat during the day and then end it with a good meal.  Try to keep eating costs on the road down as much as possible.  Anyway, this is really not a good run, at least not if I were to talk to other drivers.  Too few miles t make it a good payout.  I needed something more like at least 500 miles away and spend a couple or 3 days out.  I'm going to have to get a good run that goes through the weekend, unfortunately, or get a couple more short runs, which would be fine if they are available.

I'm not going to complain, not yet.  She - the manager/Ann - has enough drivers in her face. I just want to get two full weeks of driving in and see what a paycheck looks like after that. This next paycheck - Friday - will not have that on it so I'm not counting that is a reflection of a normal pay period. I am only guessing what I might be getting Friday.

Well I was going to write more, but got distracted and now it's getting late.  Okay it's not that late, but I have to get up really early for this run. 

Monday, December 4, 2017

Near Tulsa, Oklahoma.  Using my new computer. Actually, it's probably more of a notebook. Much smaller than my other laptop and much easier to carry around.  I'll probably get a remote keyboard for it and just keep it in the truck.  Maybe.  I mean, I think I can get used to this job, but I'm on probation for 90 days I think it is.  I don't know of any trucking companies that don't have a probation period.  Basically, if you screw up, you are toast.

Anyway, I just got "here".  Here, being a QuikTrip convenience store. I was looking on the map, the destination is 28 miles from here and is literally out in the middle of nowhere.  I was afraid that if I drove there, there wouldn't be any place to park.  I asked a local truck driver that was parked here as well if he knew of any places up there, he said not at all.  There aren't any.  Well I'm stuck here til 7:00 am and it's only 7:00 PM right now.  So, I'm well out of the way at this convenience store, off to the side of it, at an entrance that not a single car has used since I parked here, out of view of the front of the store, hopefully they won't mind this giant tanker truck sitting here with 10000 gallons of cryogenics that is highly volatile parked here lololol.

Well I don't know exactly how many gallons, but this truck is loaded right at 80,000 pounds. The company mandates that you fill it up to the maximum. That's nice, but we don't load the trucks so I don't worry about that.  However.  I pulled into a weigh station today.  They told me to pull over and bring in my paperwork.  I brought in half of it, forgetting the other half.  The half I brought in was the hazmat stuff.  I completely spaced the registration and related stuff.  So, back out to the truck, pull out 3 packets and back in there. I have never seen so much paperwork for one truck in my entire life until I entered this world of hazmat.  I'm not complaining, per se, but I haven't been doing this long and it's easy to overlook a piece of paper that you need.  I really have to think about all of this - for now. If I'm with this for any length of time, it will become second nature.

I'm really just getting my mind into this place being "the" place for a while.  It's a 2 year old truck - tho they won't have us in these things too long, they don't want to pay the rental contract.  Much cheaper and the trucks are set up the way they want them to be to have their own.  I am not holding my breath on that, tho, not after everything else. And also not after seeing how long it took for corporate to get us trucks at Ferguson.  6 to 8 months.  I don't really care now.  I have a new mattress in here and the cigarette smell is all but gone. Still a bit, but I but 2 more of the smelly trees in here and it's pretty nice now.  Just was so disgusting sleeping on that other mattress.  Gross, actually. I would literally feel more comfortable sleeping on the ground outside than sleeping on that nasty thing.

Okay, I don't have a power inverter yet so I want to finish this entry and post it before this computer runs out of power.  I keep getting distracted with people texting me lol.  Anyway, the wind is absolutely howling out here.  Truck is getting rocked back and forth. Kinda glad I'm not driving in this, this just started a while ago after I got here.  I'll be spending a while getting used to the nuances and dangers of driving loaded tanker trailers. I'll tell ya one thing, if I'm on an exit ramp that is like a cloverleaf and it says 20 mph, I'm going 15 mph or less.  I'm terrified of rolling over a tanker. I've seen it happen far too many times.  The outcome is never good.

well I need to get stuff done here, gonna end this one short.






















Sunday, December 3, 2017

Home.  Midnight. 
I knew this morning when I started I wouldn't be home til' late.  It takes that plant that I have been to twice now 4 hours to unload the truck. They're not in any hurry.  It's whatever to me, I get paid to stand there and watch them, or go sit in the truck and go snooze, or read or whatever.  Between the load plant and the unload plant I have 8 hours of detention pay, plus 4 stop pays, plus mileage.  That trip was worth at least $750 for a day and a half work. 

Well, when I finally got out of that place, I decided to push myself to get home tonight.  I wanted to have a full day off before going out again Monday.  But, I ran into fuel card trouble again. I hate Petro truck stops. Just because of the issues I've always had with trying to use fuel cards at them.  But that is the company they want us to use. Well, after running into that today, the first Love's I saw after that? I stopped there and walaah. No problems at all.  Excepting the company has a dollar limit on how much fuel you can put in because apparently there were theft problems. 

I need to stop for a minute and think. My mind is all over the place.  Money, Christmas, mom, the house, here, dogs, this that and the other thing.  Oh yeah! A Christmas tree!  Need to get one tomorrow if I"m not out of it.  I won't be going to bed until around 1:30 or 2:00 am, I just can't come home and go straight to sleep. Doesn't work that way for me. I have to wind down, let everything settle, get back into the groove of being home and then, fatigue will hit me and I will fall right asleep.  I'm tempted to put the dogs out for a few minutes so they aren't waking me up early to go out.  Good idea!

Okay, well, not much new going on in my life.  Besides this new job, of course. Which is good because this job is really taxing me.  I know if I stick with it I will eventually get this all down, but the amount of "stuff" that has to be done on any given trip is amazing.  Far more paperwork and minutia than any other job I've had.  If the pay weren't so good, it definitely wouldn't be worth it.  I'm just going with the flow here.  Learning how to use the truck's coils to turn liquid into vapor to pressurize the tank should be interesting. In fact, learning how to unload the truck period should be interesting. 

I have been asking a lot of questions, the dude at the plant where the ethylene is loaded into the truck knows more than anyone I talk to and he is way too willing to impart that knowledge, so my 2 times there so far have been filled with endless questions.  I can tell ya, if I were the dude that was running that orientation? All this time wasted on junk that has zero relevance to the position would be scaled way back and actual knowledge of how to do your job, including the literal nuts and bolts of it, would actually be taught. 

Well today I finally found out what those coils under the the trailer do. If you are unloading instead of a plant unloading, you have to pressurize the trailer's tank to force the liquid out of the tube into the plant.  Well, this stuff will turn to vapor at 120 below zero.  Vapor creates pressure.  You open a valve, the liquid goes through the coils, which heats it up and causes the liquid to turn into vapor, which pressurizes the tank, which forces the liquid out of the tubes.  Well, the chambers I guess.

Yes, I freely admit to these people at these plants that I have absolutely no clue what I am doing. I had to have the dude at the loading plant show me the valve to turn on in case the pressure gets too high while driving down the road.  I've been warned 6 ways from Sunday not to allow the pressure relief valves to open while driving down the road. I mean, from at least 5 people.  Yet they wouldn't give me the time of day to go show how that is done. Instead, this dude at the Eastman plant showed me the valve to open and how much pressure to vent out and yes, get away from people. Get away from everything.  Why? Because a cigarette thrown out of a car window could ignite the stuff and send me to eternity. 

I'll tell ya now, I'm more concerned about rollovers than blowups and ice ages.  This tanker business is freaky to me. It always has been, yet at the same time, I've always wanted to do it.

Anyway, it's really late. The business of driving trucks that is not confined to a "local" run type of thing is pretty interesting. 










Thursday, November 30, 2017

So, I got stuck in another ex-smoker's truck.  Unbelievable.  I mean, this is worse than the last truck.  The bed mattress is filthy and it has cigarette burns in it! Lots of them.  This rental company didn't bother to clean the thing out, they just turned it around and let us have it.  I would have waited for them to clean the unit out, regardless of how long it took.  Seriously, I would have. How could they send it back out with a mattress looking like that?  I can tell ya: they didn't bother to look.

Anyway.  I called Ann - my manager - this morning asking several questions.  We got into a discussion about the fuel card - that the company could never get working.  She said that they told her today that they had fixed the problem. Turns out all 3 of us new drivers had the exact same problem - fuel card not working, eventually had to have an electronic check sent to the truckstop to put fuel in the trucks. 

She tells me she has loads for me to take out, but wants to make sure that the fuel card works before anything else happens. Agreed.  So, I drove in today on my own dime.  Took the truck to a local fuel station, card worked!  Got back to the shop, showed her all the paperwork. Is this right? And this?  A couple of things I didn't have right, not bad in my mind considering the volume of paperwork for each trip. 

After that, out to ask the mechanic about one of those brand new mattresses sitting there.  I'll have to call the rental company first before you can take one of those, he replied.  Back to the office, dealing with more paperwork, back out to the mechanic, did you get a reply? He went straight to his office, called them. They'll order one but it won't be today.  Okay, you can take one of those then until they bring one.  I dragged that mattress out of that truck and once in fresh air, figured out why that truck stinks so badly and why the truck in last company stunk so bad: the mattress literally smelled like an ashtray.  I was very happy to get a brand new mattress in there. I left the truck with the windows wide open and the vents open. \

However, while i was in the shop getting a mattress, the 2cd most tenured driver walked through the shop.  Hey, I have a question for you. I was asking since this guy is on the list of people I can call if I need help.  Do you weigh the axles somewhere other than that scale at the plant?  He explains in very muddy terms that I didn't understand.  I understood fully after his second explanation and him shaking his head at me, as if I'm new to trucking altogether: YOU don't get it. I have been doing this for so long, I KNOW when it's right or not.

Shrugged it off. Don't figure to call him with questions, I thought.  Well, after I got the new mattress in the truck, I remembered something else I needed to ask the manager.  I walked in on him bitching at her about us new people getting paid more than he is even though he's been there for umpteen years.  I listened to this for 45 minutes, waiting my turn in a room away from them but the door was open and I could hear everything they were saying. 

He may have had a valid complaint, but the way he was going about it proved he's just an ass.  He's pissed because he didn't get the safety position.  But I heard him going off a few times back that i was there.  He doesn't do the internet, he didn't know it was available for openings because he doesn't want to do that "shit".  Whatever dude.  Grumpy old man. Retire, go find something fun to do. If you've been doing this job that long, you should have some money saved up. In a perfect world anyway.  Oh yeah, I listen.  I listen to people a lot.  They may not even know I'm listening. By his own words, he is 4 to 5 years off from retiring. 

Anyway.  I have another run to the same place I was at 1st run. This is a gravy run - sans the fuel card fiasco - sans means without btw.

Oh, yes, I also volunteered for Canada runs. She wasn't asking, she just said something about Canada.  Oh yea? I have a passport, love to put it to use some day.  Turns out this company goes all over the US, including California.  I wouldn't mind an occasional run long distance.  Great money, see some sights I haven't seen in decades, getting more used to the road, something I didn't think would ever happen after working local all those years.  No, I don't want to be on the road all the time, I need home time, but the negative aspects are becoming a bit less of a fuss for me.

Oh, and this rental trucks? Beautiful Peterbilt, 2015 model, thought it was 2016 at first. It's got 300k miles on it,  but the exterior is in perfect condition.  I'll have to take a few pics of it. Just the interior that has been abused.  I don't get truck drivers not take caring of the inside of a vehicle that they spend so much time in. If I actually get a brand new truck as they say I am getting - versus a more tenured driver taking one - it will be the first time in my life.  I always get old trucks. But, old in this fleet means a few years, more than good enough for me if it comes to someone else getting a new truck and me going into their "old" one.

It got colder here, so upon arriving home, I built a fire in the pit.  Lovely new red oak burns great.  Sat out there for several hours. 

Tomorrow's mission: get some sheets for the truck. I bought same sized sheets for the previous truck, but when I quit, I couldn't take them. I had my suitcase stuffed  I also left behind my pillows. They were cheap, very cheap.  I didn't know if I was going to stay there at the time and I'm glad I didn't dump a bunch of money into stuff that I couldn't take back with me. 

Anyway, that's enough for now. 























Wednesday, November 29, 2017

 Yesterday morning. 5:00 am. Up, shower, dogs out, coffee, etc etc. 
Get on the road, get to work.  Lots of new questions formed in my mind.
I get there, unload my car into the truck, back the truck under the trailer,
check out everything, get out of there. Late tho.  I should have arrived there earlier.

I get to the plant, watch the video, take the test, take the sheet out front with the answers on it.
And then?  An alarm goes off, Just like one of the alarms in the 15 minute video they make
everyone watch.  They shut down the plant, I can't go in, neither can anyone else.  A chemical
spill of some sort. 

After that was over, go weigh the truck.  Then off to the part of the plant where the truck is actually loaded. Well, they were way behind.  The plant shut down and the fact that the first driver was there late caused me to sit and wait. Not that I cared about that, but even with my late arrival, it was meaningless.  I got introduced to the world of Ethylene by Lance, the dude that fills the trucks up with it.  It was a interesting and elongated conversation, for I had many questions for him about what the places we go to actually do with this stuff. Many use it to cool other chemicals, such as LNG when it is loaded onto ships. 

I found it amazing that the volatile properties of the chemical isn't really used, it's the fact that is stands at 120 to 140 below - depending on who you talk to - that is of interest to these manufacturers. 

Well, the dreaded moment finally came.  I have never pulled a tanker trailer in my life.  I have never pulled a tanker trailer full of volatile, explosive content. I have never pulled a trailer that has content that can make you the Ice Man in a matter of seconds.  I was obsessed, yesterday, with these thoughts.  You ever see a tanker trailer going abysmally slow in a sharp turn?  Irritating to everyone stuck behind it, but there is a reason for it.  High center of gravity and liquid sloshing up the sides of the walls of the tube in the trailer.  Rollover, in other words. I spent the day obsessed with that idea in my mind. 

I mean, like to the point that I wasn't really thinking of anything else.  I have seen far too many tankers rolled off the side of the road and it's usually in sharp turns. 

Welp, I got several calls for my manager.  Where are you now? She was being nice, but the customer was pushing her.  Appears they were almost out of ethylene and they had just restarted this plant.  They had made a call for a load last week but then said no.  And now? They needed it desperately  I mean, they wanted to know the exact time I was going to show up and this, several times over.  I finally just told my manager: I'm driving straight through, no stops.  Okay, she replied, I'll let the customer know. 

Again, she's a really sweet lady, I have no qualms with her, but I can see that customers and corporate place demands on her. 

And drive straight through I did. the last stint I drove just short of 7 hours without stopping before finally arriving at the place - only to take another of endless safety videos and a test.  I broke my reading glasses earlier that day, I was having trouble reading the questions, but I got a pass on the test.

Pull your truck up on the scale and wait for someone to come get you.  Oh, and yet another pass into another plant.  So basically, to work for this company, I am going to have to keep a file of all of these picture ID"s for all of these plants as I go into them. Lol. Someone could have let us know about that and many other things. I probably should document it while going through it so in the future, and if I'm still working there, I will be able to give new people some insight to the things they really need to know. 

Not the first time I've done that. Anyway, a 4 wheeler shows  up, I follow it way back in the back of this plant.  Now, to give you a scope of the size of this place, this plant has fully 4 separate power plants to give it enough electricity to operate. That's right. 4, full sized plants.  Not little things, we are talking huge, full fledged power plants. I stood in awe of this place. How did mankind come up with this knowledge? When I arrived at the delivery site, awestruck again. Just thousands of pipes connected here and there, all kinds of different noises, the sound was deafening. Everyone had to raise their voice to be heard.

They knew what they were doing - I did not.  But the guy running the crew opened up the side box with the valves and connection pipes in it and asked what that giant spring assembly was for?  I had to admit that I had no clue, that is why you all are unloading this truck.  I watched intently at the procedure to unload, tho.  There was way too much noise to ask a bunch of questions, I just took what I could in.  \

The lady in charge walked me clear to the operations room to show me their facilities, I was going to be there a while. 

Back to the truck - I crawled back into the sleeper which is when I noticed the slob that must have occupied this truck before me.  Yes, folks, I got stuck in another person's cigarette smoking hell.  I had the stench of it in my nostrils all day yesterday, but the mattress..... actual cigarette burns in it.  I mean, several of them. The mattress, filthy, disgusting.  I mean, this is the kind of thing where you think of how else you might be able to sleep in this truck besides on this mattress.  I fell asleep eventually and was awakened to the sound of a hammer banging on the pipe fittings to free it. The chemical is so cold, it freezes the fittings and they use a brass hammer to free it.

I got out of there and found a place where trucks park not 5 minutes away.  Again, the smell in that sleeper was so horrific, I ended up opening up the vents in the sleeper - it was cold outside- to let in fresh air. That coupled with the truck running and the vent setting on high blowing air in there, I was afforded some sleep.

Some, I do say.  There is actually much more to this entire story, but it's late and I"m ready to go to bed.  But, I have to put all of this in here.  The fuel card. Truck was down to 1/3rd tanks.  I figured to stop at one of their approved places, Petro, fuel up, take my required 30 minute break - naptime - and get on down the road,

Instead I spent 45 minute attempting to get the fuel card to work.  After trying 4 times and calling my manager, I decided to head on down the road 120 miles to the next Petro. Same story, different town. Waste of almost another hour.  On down the road.  Near Little Rock.  I had received a call with a voice message saying that they had "fixed" the card.  I tried at a TA truckstop, one of 2 approved places.  Nope, card not activated it said, Tried again, same message. Went inside, my card information froze up her computer.

Again contact the manager. This ins't working, either.  She finally gets back to me, what what crap!
I offered to pay for my own fuel - in total I was at 2 hours and 45 minutes wasted on this at that point - if y'all would reimburse me.  No reply.  I was ready to just take off. If it runs out of fuel, oh well. They had 6 hours to deal with this. 

Ugh, anyway, it's late, I'm really tired. I put in a 17 hour day yesterday and dealing with that fuel card today. They never did get the card to work, they sent an E check to the truckstop I was at to pay for some fuel. 

I'll try to type some more tomorrow. 




















Monday, November 27, 2017

Well here we go. Got to the yard, no-one there.  Gate closed, fortunately had the gate code.  Got out of car, sat on a patio chair and waited. One of the other drivers showed up half an hour later.  Well, Ann said that they had moved the pickup time up to 3:30.  I had been told to be there at 1:00 to be in Tyler by 2:00 to get the truck.  Well anyway, we get out there, the 3rd driver, who lives nearby, had already been and gone. 

So, 2 trucks. I didn't get to choose my truck - and thankfully so.  There was an older Peterbilt and a much newer one that they said was for us.  Okay.  Dude comes up to me: are you so and so?  Yup, well that's your truck over there.  2016 Peterbilt, perfect condition, excellent interior, had been freshly cleaned inside and out.  Okay! I'll take it!  Huge sleeper, plenty of space for my stuff.  Even a portal for a refrigerator if you so desire.  Maybe some day I'll "so desire".  Right now, time to get my feet wet.

I"ve never seen so much paperwork for one load in any other venue in my entire life. There are fully 7 different forms that have to be filled out.  Amazing.  Anyway, this other guy gets stuck in the older truck. Glad I didn't make the decision.  He was like, I have no idea where we're at. Well get out your GPS.  Old school, he doesn't believe in smart phones.  I've met several people in recent days that have never owned a smart phone and don't want one.  I don't wonder if life is a bit better without one, for all the social media stuff.  Huge distraction, I'm guilty.  But for GPS?  Lifesaver.  The different between prerouting a trip and simply plugging in an address and taking off.  I've got enough paperwork to deal with as it is, I'll take advantage of the technology available, thanks. 

Well, he followed me back to the yard.  The truck developed a power steering pump problem between the rental place and the yard, gag.  I get back to the yard and the head mechanic is like, will you hook up to that trailer and nose it in here?  To the shop, that is.  Sure.  I'll open up that door so you can just drive it straight in here.

Yeah, right.  The door was angled too much, I had to pull out, pull down to the end of the yard, flip a U-ey, come back around wide and get the truck and trailer into these narrow doors. This is a very small yard.  Not much room to do much of anything.  Anyway, that trailer had a broken pressure gauge, and the new driver that had already gotten there was assigned to that trailer for tomorrow. 
Get that done and go inside and start asking a lot of questions.  Sorry, but orientation ended 11 days ago and frankly, some of this paperwork is as clear as mud.

Hold on a sec, she says, I'll make copies of a driver's completed forms for a cheat sheet to go by.  Very helpful.  But I had umpteen other questions.  Cones, what about the cones? Yes you are supposed to use them any time you back up. But these trucks don't have any.  Oh, well you can't use what you don't have.  But, you see, I got that from the manager, so covering my ass. Boots, we are supposed to get boots. Yup, well, they aren't going to hand out vouchers til next month.  Okay, well I have this pair of steel toed boots, will these suffice?  She didn't care.  The company is failing her in her view, do with what you have and that's that.  Again, covering my @$$.  I mean, we got very specific training on PPE and the requirements.  We got all of it at the orientation - except the boots.

Admittedly, we could have gone to a local supplier in Amarillo, but none of wanted to stick around that place any longer.  We were told when we got back our manager would be able to get us vouchers.  Our manager, however, was getting pissed at her management because they wouldn't just send her vouchers right away. 

I have ample experience in these plants and other sides that are safety conscious: you aren't coming in there without steel toed boots on.  My newest pair is in Jackson, Mississippi.  And I can say that on my way back home, I might just stop by and pick them up since the Recruiter hasn't bothered to send them back to me.  I offered to pay for the shipping. UPS comes to their yard. It's only a matter of shoving them in a box, putting a label on it and walaah. 

Anyway, I was handed my run for tomorrow. Be at the plant at 6:30.  Meaning get to the yard by 6 to get the truck hooked up to the trailer and get it over there. Meaning - get up at 5.  20 minute to get up and get out, 40 minutes to get there - more than enough time but these first runs I'ma be safe not sorry on time, for these appointments are solid, they want you there at the time they say they want you there.  So, go to bed at 9 or 10 tonight.  Good enough.

I did the math. With stop pay and mileage pay, this 30 hour run will be worth around $650.  For the driving time there and back it comes out to around $36 per hour.  That doesn't include loading or unloading, but the driving is what gets paid though this company also pays for each stop.  And detention, which allegedly happens frequently. 

Anyway, after all of those questions and being given my first load package, the mechanic was like, can you move the trailer back out there? lol.  Okay.  Be nice if I were getting paid for all of that (didn't say that, just thought it), but I did it without grumbling.  I at least am finally in a truck when I was before today wondering if I was going to have to start looking for another job. 

Not to mention this dude invited me to the River Run this coming month.  Its the weekend of the 15th.  Ok, that sounds fun, I said, but I don't know if I'll be off.  Well, if you get a 34 reset during that time you can come down for an overnighter.  They're down there for 3 whole days.  Nice invitation.  Another group of cops, lol.  Been around them enough now to know how they behave in a crowd of them.  They're cool when they're in their own element away from the public. Different world, for sure. 

Well, if I do get the reset during any of those days I will likely do it. Having been riding in forever. 

Anyway, this stuff isn't over yet.  I still have to learn how to unload one of these trucks.  I'm guessing I can learn watching these people at the plant.  Oh, no I can't. they don't let you stand around watching, you have to go to a shack and wait for them to get it done.  Oh well.  I would like to stand and watch the entire process and take notes.  And video for that matter. These trailers are loaded with valves and I just have head knowledge at the moment how to do it.  Doesn't exactly translate into actually knowing how to do it. 

I asked Ann about unloading.  Yup, they are unloading you. Cool.  Cause' if they ask me to do it, I have a card that specifically states that I am not authorized to unload a trailer.  Yet.  I'll get there, they're going to have to get an experienced driver to show us how to do it, which likely means going out with one of those drivers.

Yes I'm definitely more upbeat having all of this starting to roll.

I got home, ate some leftovers - delicious smoked prime rib roast - sat down, went through all of this paperwork, filled out as much of as it as possible without having more information - which means I got 85% of it filled out and ready to go.  I would like to hope that I can sleep tonight, I am guessing it will be fitful at best. 





















Spent a good portion of this morning attempting to decide whether to upgrade computer.
Finally came to the conclusion after looking at countless ads that it isn't a good idea right now,
wait until I have a good solid flow of income coming in. 

And speaking of income, I texted the manager this morning who eventually texted me back: can you be over her at 1:00 to go to Tyler to pick up a truck at 2:00? Oh yes I can.  So, finally, they have something going here.  But there are only 2 trucks, I don't know what they are going to do about the third driver.  Not sure how that is fair, but perhaps something else was already worked out. 

Regardless, I will go get the truck, drive it back to the yard and then they have to install whatever they have to install on it before it can be taken out.  I am only going to guess that I am either leaving out somewhere tonight or tomorrow morning.  Whichever the case, let's get this going, as much as I don't feel like going anywhere, I'll get over it. It's kind of the effect of not doing any work for 10 days besides doing 2 hours of training on Friday from home and 6 hours at the shop last Monday and accomplishing much of nothing. 

Basically nothing different than coming back from an extended vacation at my old work for 9 days and the first day truly sucks.  In fact, sometimes the first couple of days aren't all that wonderful.  In this case, I have had all that time to start slipping on much of what was taught.  They really needed to get me out the next day or couple of days after orientation so all of that info would sink into real life use.  Now, I have found that I need to go through a bunch of paperwork to refresh my memory.  I am more of a hands on learner.  Repetition is how I learn things. I can learn head knowledge but it really doesn't apply until after I do the real work and get used to it.

So that's it for now. Will check in when I next have a chance - tho car is loaded with everything I need, if they send me out today, I am more than ready.

Sunday, November 26, 2017

I have concluded to give these people until Wednesday to either have me in a truck or have a definitive plan shortly thereafter to get one. Actually all 3 of us.  If  I get no paid days before Wednesday, then definitely I will be moving on.  I have to be able to pay my bills, period.  Whatever I had that got me ahead will be used up by the end of the month in paying bills and a few Christmas presents.

I really need to hear by the end of tomorrow that they have located trucks for us and when they are going to arrive or that they are sending us out on Tuesday.  I'm sure I will not like being out on the road during the Christmas season, but probably going to need to be on the road 6 days a week to try and catch up.  However, I don't think it actually works that way.  They go out, come back, spend the night at home and then go out again.  So I've heard, anyway.  Once that trailer is loaded full of that chemical, you have no choice but to start heading towards your destination and no stopping except for mandatory breaks until you get there. 

Coming back, a bit more leeway.  Your empty so no biggies, excepting if you are getting behind, such as I am, you likely want to get back ASAP and get dispatched out again right away if possible.  Perhaps around Christmas time that is easier to do.  I've encountered 3 drivers that want more time off. They've been there over 20 years. 

But enough of that.  I got up, got dressed, went to church this morning. A bit if spiritual influx and the Word certainly won't hurt anything considering what's going on now.  I find the church a but odd, tho, that they don't have altar calls or people needing prayer an opportunity to get some at the end of the service. First non-denominational church I've encountered that doesn't do that. 

Anyway, I have decided to do nothing today.  I was going stir crazy the last several days so I was doing a lot of cleaning up leaves and other small projects that needed to get done.  Some major projects will have to wait. 

Oh, I had 2 McDonald's McRib sandwiches today. They only come for a limited time every year, I wanted to have a couple - and then that's it, no more lol.

Anyway. It's Sunday afternoon,think I'll take that nap that starts hitting me in the sleepy department around this time, every Sunday. 

Friday, November 24, 2017

This will be a short entry.
It's been a week since we left orientation.
They've known much longer than that that we needed trucks.
Christmas is coming up.
Pretty much guaranteed that, since we aren't driving and the first paycheck from them
was minimal and certainly nothing going here to suggest it will be any better the next
one, that if I really want to buy just a few individuals on my list some presents? It will
have to go on credit cards. 
I'm not there yet. 

It's not December, but this company pays biweekly. Just got paid midnite, so there is only
2 more checks before Christmas.

I know, it doesn't mean that much to a lot of people anymore, that's fine for you. For my son,
his new wife, my mom and a couple of other people, including those that live here, I would
like to get them something. Doesn't mean high dollar stuff, but when you are battling with
monthly expenses, it's kinda tough to look at what you have now and see that you are going
to have anything a month from now. 

I got paid for a full day Monday and today. There are 3 days I got nothing for.  So add that up
and you can figure why I am yet once again stressing over finances. 

Yup, I"m going to get a small Christmas tree. No, I don't think I need any lights or anything,
should be good in that department. 

I just don't understand these people.  How could they possibly have screwed up something like
this?  And I even offered without reservation excepting that the truck can't have been smoked in to
take an old truck, send me on a Greyhound bus, I'll go get it.

I'm going through a particularly bad season of life right now.  Seems like everything I touch
turns to s***.

I have no idea what to do now.  I'm pretty much lost at this point. 

Thursday, November 23, 2017

Thanksgiving Day. Happy Thanksgiving to whoever is left that reads this journal.
I wasn't going to do anything today, but growing stir crazy, I decided to start raking the back yard.
Tons of leaves. Leaves, leaves, leaves everywhere.  I started a burn pile - of which I had to obtain a permit for - and began burning those babies.  I rake a 1/4 of the yard to the burn pile, the rest of what I got done I put in a kiddie pool and made numerous trips. 

I did the last trip about 15 minutes ago, I'm done with that for today. 3/4's or more of the yard done.  I would have left it until the trees completely shed themselves, but the dog poop is under it and festering with flies, couldn't just leave it like that and doubt I will have a lot of time to do much of anything if/when I actually get a truck to start driving. 

I was amazed to hear yesterday around 5:00 pm that they still hadn't found any trucks for us.  I was informed that a conference call of senior management concluded that us 3 new drivers would be disappointed in being put in the old trucks at the place 400 miles from here.When my manager said that I just didn't really think about it. They had made their decision, it's whatever.  After we had talked awhile and gotten off the phone, she texted me a pic of a page of a safety workshop they want us 3 to do on Friday - it's  a pretty short thing but it will get us paid for the entire day, which was the goal.

But I started thinking about the old trucks.  Well, who cares?  I texted her back.  I don't really care if you put me in an old truck, as long as it isn't forever and as long as it hasn't been smoked in and it is cleaned out.  I'll even take a Greyhound bus to go get it. Okay, I gagged on that one while typing it, but seriously, let's get this going.  She wrote back, "Awe thanks" and "I will tell Jay you said so".  No clue who Jay is, didn't ask.  Some manager somewhere, undoubtedly.  I would rather see tomorrow/Friday converted from yet another safety module to "we are sending you to (wherever) to get one of those old trucks". 

I did say to her that I wasn't speaking for those other 2 drivers, at all. I just want to get this thing going.  I am just still amazed that they still haven't figured this out.  Oh, and we were initially told that those trucks 400 miles away were the new trucks, not some old things.  The new trucks, Ann my manager had no idea where they are or when they are actually going to arrive.  So, that's where it was left at.  Happy Thanksgiving wishes and texting ended. 

And in reality, I could not work for the rest of my life and be very happy about it, lol, but I'm not where near in the position to retire.  Which isn't really a good position to be in at the age of 53. If I could save half my yearly income for the next 10 years and invest it and get return and interest I might be able to say something differently.  And I know so many people that are my age and already done with work for the rest of their lives.  Just makes me feel bad about some of my life's decisions.  Like, things I could have done long ago and I would be in a very much better position right now. 

Ignoring everything else, if they don't find trucks for us to go get or send me for one of the old ones or whatever tomorrow, I'm going to do the online safety thing and at least get paid for the day. 

Well that's it. Almost 10:00 pm.  I figure to go to bed earlier tonight versus other nights going to bed at midnight.  Just in case something happens and I end up needing to travel somewhere. 












Wednesday, November 22, 2017

Wednesday, 11:15 am.
I heard from the manager at 3:00 pm yesterday.
Consensus from my friends is that this place isn't doing to well right off the bat considering they knew we were coming and yet had no solid plan in place to take care of the most basic need to
get the job in trucking: an actual truck to drive. 
But now, we are on the cusp of  Thanksgiving.  I'd rather them not come up with a plan until
Friday at the earliest, at this point, and simply enjoy the holiday at home.

From my perspective, they failed me, I might as well get something out of it.  I'm not getting paid
to sit  home and do nothing.  I didn't get paid for yesterday and if nothing happens today, I'm not
going to get paid for today, either.  I'll still have a check next week, it will look the same as my
checks from my old employer, so I can deal with that. 

I guess I figured that at this late hour in the morning, and this going on for as long as it has, they would have had this figured out by now.  I'm seriously considering a local job that I had dismissed
several months ago. The pay wasn't that great and the hours too long.  But after doing that last job where I was driving 11 hours a day on many days and working the full 14 hours allowable, I have had a change of mind about that.  Actually, I didn't have to work that many hours, but if I didn't I would have to work on Saturday to get caught up on the minimum amount they want done. 

$18 per hour doesn't sound like much - it isn't really - but multiply that by 70 hours, 40 at regular wage and 30 at OT.  I have no idea if they would even have me after I asked them about the hours and such.  But that's $1500 paychecks.  Not fun work, but none of it is.  It's all just driving trucks all day long.  At least you go home at night and if you really work it, you get a full weekend off.

I never really thought about it in that context because I didn't think I could handle such long hours.  I proved myself wrong on that one.  It's a large company, too, they have good benefits that grow over the time you spend working there.  Very tempted to call them.  Their job board still includes a postion out of my town.  But, I guess I'll hold off and see what happens with this one I'm at today. I don't really consider myself an employee here yet since I have yet to drive a truck for them excepting to do a road test.  The thing about this other company is - they have day cabs. That's guaranteed home every night, most of those companies with day cabs aren't interested in paying for  motels. 

But I am curious that we're getting close to noon and still no word, whatsoever from this company. Doesn't that sound like a company that doesn't have it's act together? Yet, I have yet to hear a single negative word from any of the drivers I have met that have been working there forever.  This is really a difficult position to be in for me.  I don't want to jump ship yet again and have my employment record showing me at 4 different jobs in a pretty short period of time.  Yet, if this other place would have me, I would just eat it and go with it. I was ready to do that at this current place and I definitely paid the price to get to this point in going through 6 days worth of safety training.  That stuff will rot your brain, I'm telling ya. 

Not only that, but they don't want to give us vouchers for new work boots - company policy that they pay for them because they want you to go to a specific supplier and buy a narrow range of boots that fit the bill for their hazmat requirements - until next month.  See, my manager was having a conniption about that as well. She isn't really too happy with the company at this point in how they are  handling this situation.  I wouldn't be so tempted to move on - yet again - but I'm sitting at home. I'm not earning any money. I will get a paycheck next week (bi-weekly pay) - but the next paycheck after that is going to be spartan. Paying me for mileage to and from Amarillo and a couple of paid days and reimbursing me for meals while out there. Yeah, they're paying me 41 cents per mile for the miles I put on my car, that adds up to around $500 and I might have $250 in expenses for the TWIC card that they are going to reimburse and food, but after that, it's just Monday at 6 hours, yesterday at nothing and today -  so far - at nothing as well.

I bought that smoker on one of my credit cards with full intention of paying it off before the end of the month.  You get cash reward on everything you buy.  But now?  I dunno about that.  I've paid most of my bills for the month tho.  Only thing left is car insurance about to hit, I think I got everything else covered. Guess I best check to make sure lol. 

Well, here I sit, waiting on a phone call.....
















When I arrived at the plant today, it became obvious why they are shutting down for several days.  They have a huge number of people that sh...