"The First Amendment to the Constitution prohibits the government from infringing upon the freedom of speech, the freedom of association and the freedom to petition the government for a redress of grievances. Speech is language and other forms of expression; and association and petition connote physical presence in reasonable proximity to those of like mind and to government officials, so as to make your opinions known to them.

The Declaration of Independence recognizes all three freedoms as stemming from our humanity. So, what happens if you can speak freely, but the government officials at whom your speech is aimed refuse to hear you? And what happens if your right to associate and to petition the government is confined to areas where those of like mind and the government are not present? This is coming to a street corner near you.

Certain rights, like thought and privacy and travel, can be exercised on their own. You don’t need the government to cooperate with you; you just need to be left alone. Other rights, like those intended to influence the political process, require that the government not resist your exercise of them. 

Remember the old one-liner from Philosophy 101: If a tree falls in a forest and no one is there, does it make any noise? Here’s the contemporary version of that: If you can criticize the government, but it refuses to hear you, does your exercise of the freedom of speech have any value?

When the Framers of the Constitution wrote the First Amendment, they lived in a society in which anyone could walk up to George Washington or John Adams or Thomas Jefferson on a public street and say directly to them whatever one wished. They never dreamed of a regal-like force of armed agents keeping public officials away from the public, as we have today. And they never imagined that it could be a felony for anyone to congregate in public within earshot or eyesight of certain government officials. And yet, today in America, it is.

Last week, President Obama signed into law the Federal Restricted Buildings and Grounds Improvement Act of 2011. This law permits Secret Service agents to designate any place they wish as a place where free speech, association and petition of the government are prohibited. And it permits the Secret Service to make these determinations based on the content of speech.

Thus, federal agents whose work is to protect public officials and their friends may prohibit the speech and the gatherings of folks who disagree with those officials or permit the speech and the gatherings of those who would praise them, even though the First Amendment condemns content-based speech discrimination by the government. 

The new law also provides that anyone who gathers in a “restricted” area may be prosecuted. And because the statute does not require the government to prove intent, a person accidentally in a restricted area can be charged and prosecuted, as well.

Permitting people to express publicly their opinions to the president only at a time and in a place and manner such that he cannot hear them violates the First Amendment because it guarantees the right to useful speech; and unheard political speech is politically useless. The same may be said of the rights to associate and to petition. If peaceful public assembly and public expression of political demands on the government can be restricted to places where government officials cannot be confronted, then those rights, too, have been neutered.

Political speech is in the highest category of protected speech. This is not about drowning out the president in the Oval Office. This is about letting him know what we think of his work when he leaves the White House. This is speech intended to influence the political process.

This abominable legislation enjoyed overwhelming support from both political parties in Congress because the establishment loves power, fears dissent and hates inconvenience, and it doesn’t give a damn about the Constitution. It passed the Senate by unanimous consent, and only three members of the House voted against it. And the president signed it in secret. It is more typical of contemporary China than America. It is more George III than George Washington.

The whole purpose of the First Amendment is to assure open, wide, robust, uninhibited political debate, debate that can be seen and heard by those it seeks to challenge and influence, whether it is convenient for them or not. Anything short of that turns the First Amendment into a mirage."

Another Woman, Another Car

Well here we go.  I'm driving the semi on I-10, approaching the Salt River bridge - though no river anymore, we just call it the Salt River bottom.  A lady in a tin can car in front me going 65mph, the speed limit.  I'm following behind, moderate traffic.  An Arizona Highway Patrol cruiser comes up in front of us, just past the 27th Avenue on-ramp.  There is a Highway Patrol yard on 27th avenue and that is where they get on if going eastbound.

Well, suddenly, this lady slows down to 55mph.  I had no where to go, too much traffic to safely change lanes and anyway, I knew what was coming ahead: I was in the best lane for moving along and for getting off where I need to get off at, even if 5 miles away.  We get on the bridge - I can see well ahead, brake lights, a whole sea of them.  This lady is now 150 feet or more behind the nearest car in front of her.  She was maybe 30 feet before.  I'm getting annoyed, keep up with traffic.  But I gave up on the attempt to get over in the next lane, traffic too heavy and I didn't NEED to get over besides this person going to slow.

We're down to stop and go traffic.  The cop is staying either behind us or beside us 2 lanes over.  I finally got it: this lady has some sort of legal issue, that cop is seeing what she is doing - erratic driving  - and what is going to happen next.  Well, for quite a while, nothing.  Yet, the cop didn't attempt to move on like they always do if there's no prospects.  He's still just there in a sea of cars, moving very slowly.  Yes, he could have gotten into the HOV lane and taken off, so I knew SOMETHING had to be up.

Well, 10 minutes of this and finally the cop moves ahead in traffic and is beside a semi, out of the view of the lady in the car though totally in my view.  He hits his brakes.  Slows down to let the semi pass.  Gets into the lane next to me.  He's ahead of me in the next lane over.  I already knew what was going to happen, I slowed  down and let him in.  Lights flashing, behind that lady and I can tell that lady is freaking out.

I dunno what happened there today, but it was a few moments of - umm - drama? - just attempting to feel out what the cop was doing and how non-nonchalantly he was doing it, as if he wasn't paying that car or it's driver any attention at all, yet undoubtedly inputting the license plate info and the owner info into his computer's database and finding out what's going on.

People make themselves obvious.  I could see it when the cop was in FRONT of us and hadn't even seen this woman's driving behavior. If she had driven normally, that cop probably would never have spotted her in that kind of heavy, heavy traffic.

So, a few minutes ago, I am on my facebook page.  A FB friend posted a site with dog pics, so I clicked on it.  All kinds of lovable, furry critters in all kinds of different poses, then I get to this photo, here: http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=305442369508815&set=a.120132051373182.37467.119712771415110&type=1&theater
A picture of a man crying after being reunited with his beloved dog after his house was destroyed.  The dog's name? Coco.

Thursday 3/15/2012

I guessed, when this first came out, that Obamacare would cost at least 3 to 4 times what they are saying it is going to cost.  So, if it's going to cost 1 trillion, it's actually going to be closer to 4.  Well, guess what.  We are now half way there.  That's right, folks, the price tag has now doubled to 2 trillion dollars, but I can guarantee you it isn't over yet.  It's the government.  If there is one thing the Obama has done that all effort should be made to get rid of, it's Obamacare.

We can't afford it.  I have gone through periods of my life when I didn't have health care coverage, it sucked but I didn't go around all over the place, crying on the news about how I can't afford "my contraceptives" and all this other BS that is being espoused all over the place.

Yeah, and next: a flag with Obama's picture on it - stars removed.  How sick is that?  Seriously, I don't care WHAT party a president is from, that person's picture or anything else for that matter should never be placed on an American Flag.  PLEASE.

4 more years of Obama? And just think, all restraints will be off if he gets another 4 years.  He won't be trying to appeal to anyone because his tenure will be over after 4 more years and not worried about another election - anyone want to talk about Socialism?  I didn't think so.

I don't like Romney, but if he wins the nomination, I'll vote for him ANY day of the week over Obama.

Thanks.

Whatever.  I'm off to work.

G'day.

ben

The Woman In The Car - OH, Make That The Women In 2 Cars

First incident today.  I'm driving in the "slow" lane on a surface street in heavy traffic. Not moderate traffic, not light traffic, heavy traffic.  Truck has a partial load on it, very light, maybe 5,000 pounds worth.  Trucks don't even hardly feel that kind of weight.  I'm behind the car in front of me, not lagging behind is what I am saying.  There is a turning lane on my right.  It is obviously a turning lane and the lane obviously ends - at a block wall.

This woman in a compact car decides she is going to pass me in that lane, which is not a passing lane but more importantly, she doesn't have enough time/room to MAKE that pass. I would have had to STOP the truck entirely to let her in since by the time we were almost at that block wall, she was only at the side of my trailer.  At first I didn't know if she was turning in that turning lane or if she was playing these stupid games that everyone does around semi trucks. Well, I wasn't going to slam on my brakes for someone else's stupidity, I figured to let her do that in her own car since she was speeding - probably going 65 to 70 in a 45 zone and also attempting to pass in a turning lane.  Yup, she slams on her brakes and JUST stops short of that wall.  Amazingly, there was a motorcycle behind her that apparently also figured to pass me who was also stranded.

Now, stuff happens in traffic all day long and I was definitely driving, all day long.  But some of it is amazingly ridiculous and stupid stuff.  Like the guy stuck behind me today on the freeway on-ramp. Apparently, I was going to slow for him so he decided to pass me on the emergency lane on the right side of me.  What I am doing is going through the gears and if the truck is heavy, it takes a while to get up to speed.

Then, there was the second lady.  I am turning on a green arrow.  I was accelerating.  This woman apparently thinks I am going to slow and starts honking her horn at me!  She gets by me and flips me off.  I have done or said NOTHING to this woman, no gestures, no middle fingers, nothing.  Then, a black car following her has a finger come out of their window as well.  This is the joy of driving in a metropolis.  A daily event, though it doesn't happen so much in my car since I can keep up with every one and also - because I am cut off so frequently in the truck, so often, I don't LET people cut me off while in the car.

I can't tell you how many times on the freeway today a car comes speeding up beside me, cuts directly in front of me and then slams on the brakes to avoid - hitting the car that is in front of me that is now in front of them.  Morons.

Sooo, last night at the church group.  A lady starts sobbing as she starts talking about her doggy and how the doc has told her the dog doesn't have much time.  She knows it is going away.  That started it all over for me.  I didn't say anything but inwardly I was churning.  The dude that runs the thing looks at me and says how I had just gotten a new doggy - I replied yes, but I just put down my beloved doggy and looked at the lady and empathetically said: It's not a lot of fun, I know.  Well, anyway, he prayed for both of us which turned the faucet on yet again.  I haven't gone to get her ashes yet - and in no hurry to be honest.  I guess I better get them before something happens to them, but at the same time, I'm not sure how I will be able to handle that.

Enough of that.  I had a very long day at work, 10 hours non-stop and I don't even want to go there.  So I won't. Sophie is now learning about commands, especially the one that says "come" and she - decides to ignore me.  I don't know how anyone else trains their doggies, when a dog ignores me and actually starts walking off, I get out of my chair, grab the dog by the collar and yes, we go and we do what I told that dog to do in the first place.  I don't tolerate disobedient dogs, not that I beat the crap out of them, but I do take action to correct it and quickly. I am taking it a bit easy with her, though, I am guessing by the way she reacts that she has been subjected to some abuse in the past.  She's a sweet, gentle and loving dog, though and I don't think it's going to take too terribly long to get her adjusted to my way of doing things.

Still, it takes quite a while for a dog to be around you before it really starts understanding you, how you want it to behave and what lines can be crossed and can't be crossed.  It's a big investment in time, really, to train a dog to the point that you don't really have to say much of anything to get them to do what you want them to do, they already KNOW what you want them to do before you say it. I like getting them to the hand gesture phase, where you simply point and they understand.  I can click my fingers at Prince and he will come, I point at the floor and he lays down.  Nothing complicated or outstanding, just an example.

Well, bedtime.

G'nite.

ben

Wednesday 3/14/2012

I was at the Phoenix LTL (less than truckload terminal, will not say which in case it gets Googled) terminal today, picking up a large delivery of material that for whatever reason, had not been delivered directly to us.  We got to talking about loading flatbeds versus loading vans since Conway doesn't have flatbed trailers, which led to this and that and then he started talking about his hernias and on and on.

I asked him - aren't you about ready to retire?  Not in mocking way, it was a sincere question as he is obviously well up there in years.  He replies that he is 72 years old, but then does the finger rubbing gesture - the one that denotes money and in this case, the lack of it.

72 years old and still operating a forklift because he doesn't have enough money to retire.

This is exactly what I am afraid of.  72 years old, operating a forklift in a warehouse and loading trucks because I don't have enough money to retire on.  How did we get ourselves into this position?  So many people at retirement age that have nothing near the amount of money stashed away that is necessary to enjoy at least a decent retirement without feeling like you are living in want.

Gave all 3 dogs flea baths yesterday and the treated all 3 for fleas, even though the Danes show no sign of it. Sophie didn't exactly like the cold water; Duke loves water and doesn't care how cold it is and Prince - well - he just stood there with a pathetic look on his face, lol.

I need another vacation.  I am trying to hold off until summer.  May warms up then June brings hell.  So maybe 2-1/2 months off. Gonna have to take another 3 day weekend before then, I do believe.

Also went to the small church group yesterday.  I like it a lot better than last week, but - there is always one or 2 people in such groups that feel they must dominate every conversation that comes up.  Their opinion, apparently, is equal to the value of gold and therefore must be heard.  One woman especially.  She couldn't and wouldn't stop talking.  Whenever someone had something to say about the discussion that would be put forth, this woman would chime right in and go on for 5  or even 10 minutes.  I got very tired of listening to it.  If they don't do something to stop it, I may opt out of that small group and go to a different one.  Way back when, when I was leading small groups, I remember a guy that would not shut up.  He would go on and on and on the entire time, leaving very little time for anyone else to say much of anything.  I ended up confronting him on it.  He claimed he didn't realize he was doing that.

Anyway, everyone has a viewpoint and an opinion about everything, including things Bible related.  I just don't get people who think they are somehow pre-eminent  and will never shut up.  They sidetrack entire conversations and go off into tangents that are usually extremely personal - and extremely boring - things that only relate to them and have nothing to do with the conversation that was originally floated.  That's great in your social circle, I guess, but not so great in a church group.  I am not going to say anything, yet.  I will see what happens next week.  Basically, the group leader just needs to take charge and do whatever he has to to limit one person from taking over everything that is brought up.

Well, whatever.  I hate to speak negatively about it, but it became rather annoying after an hour of it and I would doubt that I am the only one that feels that way.  The meeting was supposed to be over at 8:30 pm, which it was not, but the leader saw me looking at the clock and offered that anyone that needed to leave, could.  I got up, said I didn't mean to be rude but I have to get up at 4:30 am, I gotta leave.  They all gave their blessing on it.

Time to go to work, plenty to do today, too.

Later.

ben

Tuesday 3/13/2012

So it's like Tuesday the 13th. Which has no bearing on anything but it suddenly dawned on me this morning I have several payments to send out that need to be there shortly, so, okay.

The new doggy has fleas, I have figured out.  She will be getting a flea/tick shampoo later on today and then Hartz liquid put on her body and that will wipe them out.  I will have to get the stuff for my Danes as well, since fleas don't care what dog they are on.  They aren't scratching - yet - only a matter of time. Fortunately, fleas are a relatively easy thing to get rid of once you realize what the problem is.  Ticks are a different story - I HATE those things!  The pest control dude pretty much keeps a handle on the tick problem around here, though.

The basically get to my property from the unkempt properties next door.  Ants as well, though I would far rather have ants crawling on my property than ticks anyday.  Anyway, the people behind me have piles of dog poop laying around and that is nice stuff for ticks.  They love it.  The pest control dude soaks the back fence very nicely to deal with all of that and said he would spray over the fence, but he isn't legally allowed to do that.

Yes, and those people aren't legally allowed to have a bunch of dog feces laying perpetually all over the place, either.  I dunno, but all of these neighbors have turned on themselves in the last 2 months, I am no longer the focus of their - boredom I would call it, people who have nothing better to do than to try and make life miserable for others - so, I hear the news here and there but say nothing.   I rarely even see 350 man anymore, he's either bothering the neighbors on the other side of him or in his house, apparently.

Well whatever.  Gotta git to work.

G'day.

ben

Monday 3/12/2012

So I have a big, gaping hole in the roof on  my trailer.  Okay, I did it on purpose.  Just gotta get back up there and finish the job.  I don't have any plumber's putty which is why I didn't finish it - just so happens my company sells the stuff and getting it at cost means paying almost nothing for it.  You are supposed to coat the screws with it before you put them in the roof to hold the new vent in place.

Sophie - the new doggy - is adjusting well.  She wanted out once in the middle of the night - definitely got up to allow that to happen but there were no accidents on my bedroom floor when I got up this morning, very nice thing.  She started out laying on the bed I have for the dogs and ended up laying on the floor next to my bed.  She's a follower, no doubting about that.  Whatever I am doing, she is right there in the middle of it.

Weekends - they always disappear too quickly.

Afghanistan in the news yet again.  The dude that killed all those people has now started a vow of revenge amongst the Taliban.  Isn't that wonderful?  What the h*** are we doing over there?  What is the POINT of staying over there?  bin Laden is dead, we should have moved out as soon as that happened.  Goodbye and good riddance.  They wanna keep killing themselves, have at it, what good reason do we have to stay there and have our troops killed along with them?

I hope that doesn't stay a rhetorical question forever.

Regardless, almost time to leave for work.

G'day.

ben

Sunday 3/10/2012

Well I have been preoccupied all day long, so no entry til' now - just before going to bed.

I did not go to church this morning because I did drive 50 miles out to the middle of the desert to get a doggie.

I was led by a Ford pickup - extended cab, raised, diesel engine, 8 foot bed - down a nameless dirt road to another nameless dirt road.  Ummm, not really comfortable driving down that in a low rider car, but made it without a problem driving very slowly.  

In the middle of nothing was a house, a barn, stables and horses.  We're not talking shabby here, either.  Nice property. Greet the lady that is taller than I am, I'm 6 feet 2 inches: she is skinny and very amiable introduced herself and we shook hands.  A man walked out of the house and we were introduced as well.  

Okay, let's meet the dog.  Taken to an enclosed pasture with numerous dogs in it, though I recognized my dog from the get-go.  Much smaller than my Danes, probably around 40 to 50 pounds, absolutely gorgeous. Didn't take a brain surgeon to figure out which eye is dead - it was obvious and blanked out.  

Brought her home, yes I did.  She is laying on the floor, next to me.  Very cool dog, very sweet dog, very lovable dog and a very obedient dog that knows basic commands.  Oh, and very beautiful dog  as well.  I don't need 3, giant dogs.  She's a darling.  She is also very tired out from the living conditions - not bad living conditions but I am guessing not very good for sleeping.  I removed the bedspread on the doggy bed in my room today and put another one on it.  Yes, Coco had relieved herself on it and the mattress below, which has also been removed.  My Coco.  Well let's not get started on that.  But I soooo miss that dog.

I dunno what else.  I just wrote about Coco and put myself back into that funk again.  I try not to go there, but I can't help it when it comes.

G'nite.

ben

The Roof

Freaking trailer roof.
Endless job.
Took forever to get the old screws out of the roof to remove the vent. They get filled up with sealant and you have to push down hard on the tool to try and force enough sealant out of the slot to get the tool into it to turn the screw out of there.  24 screws.

Now?  The grinder I bought was admittedly a cheap piece of junk: brand new junk off of Harbor Freight shelves.  Problem?  It heats up in about 2 minutes to the point you have to shut if off, let it cool off for 20 or 30 minutes and then resume. It's half done at this point, using it to clean all the old sealant off of the metal down to the metal.

Trying to at least get it all cleaned up by the end of today and then maybe tomorrow put the new vent on it.

Another card came in the mail today, just a few minutes ago.  It was a card from my regular veterinarian.  They had been notified of Coco's demise.  They sent me a very nice card and everyone that works there signed it.  Actually, I had stopped using them some years ago for no more reason than the other place I normally go to is closer. But, the closer place is much more expensive - and getting a personal, hand written card from a vet? I'll be going there from now on.  The emergency clinic I took Coco to last Saturday called yesterday and left a message: her ashes are ready to be picked up.

Those will have to sit around her for a few months until I get the trailer up to my mom's property - that is the area where I want to spread them.  Not anywhere on the property she uses or walks around on, but on the unused portion of the property and on the Tonto National Forest floor - which is adjacent to her property.  I dunno.  I might make a trip up there just to do that.  I don't really want it sitting around here forever, but if I put it somewhere out of sight, it will be "out of mind".

It's a beautiful day out.  Perfect temperature.  I remind myself to get out there and enjoy it because soon? It's going to be very, very hot out there.

Long interlude.  Done for the day.

G'nite.

ben

Saturday 3/10/2012

I believe I have found the dog.
I have done a lot of searching on the internet that last couple of days, including daily searches that county shelters - there are 2 of them in the Phoenix area.  I found a Catahoula that was absolutely gorgeous - but 8 years old!  Who would get rid of their 8 year old dog?    I don't know, but I was looking for something much younger, at least figure to have a number of good years with it before the inevitable, starting off at 8 years, who knows.

Anyway, I am going to meet the dog tomorrow afternoon.  It's a private shelter.  The people running it have a farm, basically and apparently have all KINDS of animals there.   Got into a conversation with the person running it, no real requirements excepting the following:  Do you have cats?  NO, not a cat lover here.  Good, she replies, because this dog doesn't like cats, either.  She apparently doesn't do cat rescues, lol, as she stated she doesn't like cats at all.

I don't know what it is about cats, you either love them or hate them, there doesn't seem to be much middle ground.  I find them to be very detached animals that only want to come around when it's time to eat and pretty much stay up all night long, making noise around the neighborhood and getting in to cat fights.  I'm sure cat lovers will tell me something different - but I grew up with cats and I just got to the point that I didn't much care for them and would much rather have a dog any day of the week.

Well, the dog is blind in one eye.  Which doesn't bother me as long as the dog has one good working eye, who cares.  From the pics, you can't TELL the dog is blind in which ever eyes.  The dog appears to be pure Catahoula.  The description states that it is very loyal and will follow you everywhere you go - yup, the same as Coco was.  That dog followed me EVERYWHERE when I was home.

Well, that's tomorrow, so on to other things.  Which there ain't much more.  I am still pretty beat and though I have great aspirations to get some projects finished around here, I am just not sure that's going to happen this weekend.  We'll see.  It's only 8:00am right now, I usually wait til' late morning before I start on anything major if I'm going to get started at all.

Well, I am going to do the basic stuff around here at the very least.  All the plants need watering - I cannot get a break, no rain since last year and no sign of any coming.  My water bills are down during the winter months regardless just because the heat of summer isn't sucking the water right out of the ground, but I am stil having to water everything a couple of times a week - growing season is here already and I am also going to spray Miracle Grow on everything as well.

Hmmm, some weeds need pulling as well.  Lots of fun there.  I also found a tree sapling growing behind another tree yesterday.  It is not the same type of tree it is growing next to, which is one of the Sissoo trees.  It appears to be a Chinese Elm, which I have planted elsewhere on the property.  I am going to soak the ground nicely around it and dig it up and plant it in a planter and see if I can get it to grow.  I can't leave it where it is, it will interfere with the Sissoo eventually and one or the other will have to go.

Whatever the case, the day is not getting any younger, fried potatoes, bacon and eggs cooking and soon a breakfast then after that, get outside and get something done.

G'day.

ben

Friday 3/9/2012

I was running on OT today and wanting to go home, frankly.  But, 3 more deliveries that had to be done - leaving the yard at around 1:20 pm.
I found a gorgeous, beautiful Catahoula on the internet.  Problem?  Dog is in Kingman, 180 miles away and this particular adoption agency won't adopt a pet to you without a home visitation first.  Nixed that one off the list, they aren't going to drive 180 mile, one-way, to visit my house, lol. I just wrote them an email describing the situation.

Meanwhile, I have been looking to rent a pickup truck with a fifth wheel plate to haul that trailer up to the mountains myself.  Penske will not rent a semi tractor to an individual, only business.  I could haul it up there with the tractor at work, but I am not even going to ask about it - I have used company truck in the past with permission to haul things here locally for personal use, but never anything outside of town.  If something were to happen, whoever gave the permission would probably have some serious yuck on their hands from corporate.

I am giving up on that search as all roads have led to a dead end.  I was referred to a local company that rents a pickup with a fifth wheel - only to find out that they stopped for whatever reason.  I may run an ad on Craigslist, but the last time I did that people were asking for $300 plus to haul the thing 28 miles.  I wonder how much they think hauling it 125 miles is worth? LOL!!!

The man that I was going to use is continuing to raise his prices, so I am looking for a backup or two in case he starts going off the deep end.  In the end?  I will pay whatever I have to, if I have the money, lol, to get that thing up there.
Still some work left to be done with it, though.

Umm, getting late - by my standards anyway.

Thursday 3/8/2012

What started out as going to be a short day in terms of deliveries ended up to be a marathon. BUT, there was one big difference today than many other days, that being that I had to wait for long periods of time at deliveries and even pickups.
I take all the junk with me with my laptop anymore in the truck. Junk being the DC to AC converter and the charging cord for both the computer and the mobile broadband device.  Oh, was I ever-so-loving glad I did today.  I bet I spent 5 hours sitting in the truck with nothing to do - nothing, of course, unless you have a laptop computer that has internet access.
When I am able to engage myself during the day during the waiting periods, I don't get sleepy and lethargic.  Which generally helps the day go by much easier than if I'm just sitting there taking short naps.

It's also nice to recharge the computer off the semi DC outlets : )

Umm, tomorrow is Friday already.  It has been a long and a short week at the same time.  I cannot get Coco out of my head.  Not that I am breaking down at this point and going haywire, but I miss that doggy.  But, my  Danes are more than happy to see me when I get home and wagging their tails, jumping up and down, running around, smashing into my side, you know, nice doggies.  Life goes on and time will help, but not that much time has passed yet : )  I haven't lost a human, but as far as I'm concerned, I have definitely lost a family member.

I did not search for any dogs today, I have gone through so many sites that it became overload and decided today not to do any of it today.

As for the rest of my life, well, it is what it is.  Long day at work today and looking to be a long day at work tomorrow as well with 7 deliveries in the system already.  Yes, if you are delivering pizzas, that isn't many deliveries, if you are delivering truckloads, completely different story.  Especially if your duties not only include driving the truck, but also pulling the orders, verifying quantities; palletizing and shrink wrapping the product and also putting it onto the truck.  A vast majority of truck drivers do not engage in all of that, trust me, I know from a a lot of experience.  Not that I am better, but it is definitely more engaging.

Annuals are on sale at Home Depot.  I would like to put some color out front in the form of flowers and - well just want to add something different out there.  Well they aren't "on-sale" as in some reduced price, just that they are now available.  I have 3 large pots out there and they look really nice when I fill them up with flowers.

I haven't worked on the roof of that trailer in several weeks now.  I was preoccupied with Coco and trying to get her well.  I didn't want to do anything else.  I am hopeful to have the resolve restored in me this weekend to get up there and get more done with it.  Well, I don't know and certainly not saying I am definitely get up there, but I hope to.

So that's it for now.  I am sick of all the s*** with the GOP race for the nomination for presidential candidate and the more I see Romney, the less I like.  I will vote for him if it comes down to it to get rid of Obama, but it would be nice to see something suddenly appear in the Independent realm that would actually be to my liking.  I would rather not have to vote FOR someone just to get rid of someone I don't want in there.  I actually liked Bachman, to be honest, but that's history and I would rather vote for Santorum over Romney.

Done.  Tired, out of it and it's almost 8:00 pm.  Close enough to my bedtime.

ben

Well This Isn't Very Much Fun

I mean, I went as far as a nationwide search for the hoopla of it, there are some of the same mixed breed I am looking for here and there, but definitely nothing near HERE.  Yet, anyway.  I dunno, maybe some other breed of dog will totally capture my fancy and I will do something completely different.  I have never, now that I think of it, repeated the same breed twice.  Visla; German Short Haired Pointer: German Shepherd Mix; Great Danes; Catahoula Mix; Golden Retriever; Chihuahua; Rat Terrier; dogs when I was a kid and I didn't know what breed they were - neither did my parents.  

Okay, here goes my heart to melt mode again, I just now opened a letter that came from the emergency clinic, specifically from the vet that had to do the dirty work.  I am going to just post, verbatim, her hand written note:
"I send you my heartfelt sympathy during this difficult time of loss.  Coco was a very sweet girl, and was so lucky to have so much love in her life. May the memory of Coco and the good times you shared live on in your heart forever. Sincerely, Dr. Crane"  I was over the tears until I read that note.

Wednesday 3/7/2012

Hump day already?
Well there's a full day's worth of stuff to do at work and I have to be there early, yet again.
A fire burning out of control in the southwest valley.
Crazy.  I was driving home yesterday and was on the ramp that goes over I-10 from the Superstition Freeway to the I-10 eastbound and looked over to my right - west. Are those clouds?  Off to the west looked to be cloud formations but they were low.  I couldn't figure out what it was until I got home and read the news.  A farmer decided to do a "controlled" burn on a day that was slated to have 40 to 60 mph winds.

How do you control a fire with that kind of wind going on? Obviously, in this case, you don't.

Well whatever.

I went to the small group at church last night - but it was a waste of my time.  I was too tired to get into any of it.  It starts late and ends later.  If I'm getting up at 4:00 am, going to bed at 9:00 pm the night before isn't very helpful, at all.  So, I'll pay for it today.

Later.
ben

Tuesday 3/6/2012

Every passing day is getting much better.
There's one thing that is definitely true about grief: You do NOT want it to go on forever.
It is far more draining than most things that come at you in life.
I got off work today and went to the pound.
I could not believe how many Pit Bulls or Pit Bull mixes were in there. I'm guessing 75% of the dogs in that place.  I have absolutely no inclination, whatsoever, to have a dog that has any Pit Bull at all in it.
I don't care about the so-called experts statements that they are not a bad breed, it is THE breed I read about that kills it's own human family members and basically mauls people to death.  I don't really like the way they look, anyway.

There was only one, single dog in the entire place that had any allure to me, but, it wasn't really what I was looking for, so I passed on all of them.  I had an excuse to go in there: had to pay the Dane's license fees, which were already overdue.  Allegedly, if my dogs get out and they have current, paid-up tags and Animal Control catches them, they will try to bring them back to your house, first, before taking them into the pound.

I also slept pretty well last night, which was a big help today.

Anyway, I just bridged a big hurdle-  something I couldn't even get myself to do on Sunday, and that is go out front and water the plants.  Coco would always be out there with me, always.  I decided to let the Danes come out there and help me along with this..........but it wasn't too terribly tough anyway and those Danes are always getting in the way of things.............lol.

Well, I'm a bit tired but I think I am going to force myself to go to the small groups tonight, anyway.  It'll make me that more tired and ready to go to sleep when I get home, starts in 55 minutes.

Later.

ben

It Caught Up To Me

The extreme fatigue, that is.
I was dragging through the day today.  The weeks of dealing with Coco and all that went into that - well it's over but the fatigue is not.
It was good, however, to go to work today and get my mind off of the whole situation, which in turn helped me when I got home.  It usually doesn't take me very long to get over a dog, though I will never forget her of course, the emotion at least tends to dissipate quickly.
I miss her, but the grief is starting to come to a much lower dial tone at this point and that is a good thing.
I had even started to think of possibly getting another dog of the same or close to the same breed.  Catahoulas are extremely intelligent dogs and I would like to have another one.

But it might be a bit soon for that, no hurry in that department.  At the same time, they are killing dogs all over the place, especially in Maricopa County, every day, because there are more dogs up for adoption than there are homes to adopt them out to.  I got Coco and the 2 Danes off of Craigslist, but I got the little Chihuahua for Mark and Lynnette out of the pound - and that is definitely their doggy. It mostly stays in their bedroom all day long and has never been encouraged to become a part of the rest of the pack in this house, at all.  Their doings, not mine.

So, who knows.  I haven't had a puppy in decades - always just get already grown-dogs.

Umm, well whatever. Have to be at work early tomorrow, but only half an hour early.  Just gonna go to bed at the normal time and hope that I can get enough sleep to make it through tomorrow.

ben

Monday (whatever date it is)

I didn't sleep well last night.
Went to bed at 8, woke up around 1:30 and never got back to sleep.
I should have just gotten up and done something to make me sleepy, but I didn't.

I guess I won't go into all the thoughts.  I called my mom yesterday to tell her that Coco
has passed, thinking I was going to be able to have a conversation about it, but I quickly
found myself breaking down again and realizing just give it a few more days or so and this
will pass.  Perhaps those images of her death won't pass so quickly, though.

Going into work today might be a bit rough. I've been off for 3 days - I took a vacation
day on Friday, but I will call it anything but a vacation.  When I first started this process of
getting that travel trailer to go up to the mountains, speaking of vacationing, it was with all
these dogs in mind, especially Coco.

Perhaps a little time will change it, but now it seems a moot point.  You know, running around in the
woods and having a grand ole time.

I probably should just shut up at this point, I have nothing positive to say, my thoughts are bleak.

ben

I have to vent this, because it is a sight that will never leave me.
Coco was supposed to just pass out and that would be the end of it.
A little muscle twitching would occur after she passed.
The vet did not give her enough of the fluid.
She was on the stretcher, upright.
When the fluid hit her, she laid down, so to speak.
I was looking into her eyes and telling her how much I loved her.
Then there was a bit of twitching, which was expected.
A few more seconds.
Her gaze was fixed on me.
Then, violent, extreme body convulsions.
Her mouth opened wide and she let out shreiks.
Twice.
The vet pulled out another syringe and injected it into her: "Oh, I better give her more".
This will never leave me and this is what is causing me more grief than anything, that
my dog suffered, that what was "supposed" to happen, didn't.

Pics

Sunday

I wrote my pastor last night telling him I probably wouldn't be in church today because of my dog's passing.
I'm still a bit of a train wreck here, I am going to miss that dog terribly.

He wrote back and told me how he had to put his Golden Retriever down a few years back and that it was one of the hardest things he had ever had to do - and then told me he would see me in church tomorrow, which is now today of course.  Maybe, maybe I will go, but I woke up this morning, looked over at her empty bed and started all over again.  I don't really like showing that kind of emotion in front of people, going to church may be a bit much.

I was thinking about the drive to the animal hospital last night.  I remembered thinking: if they tell me I have to put that dog down, I am not ready for that.  I can't do that today. The whole situation changed in that little room, with her laying there, breathing semi-heavy - apparently she had fluid around the lungs as well according to their ultrasound - just laying there.  I have been fighting for this dog's life for 2-1/2 weeks now and when the conversation came up about putting her down, my mind changed at that point.

How much longer am I going to go through this mental draining?  Feeding her with a turkey baster and attempting to get fluids down her throat and worrying about her while I was at work and seeing her yesterday - barely able to walk.  It was the right thing to do, yes, but that doesn't make it somehow easier. But it was time, she wouldn't have lasted much longer, anyway.    I was a bit surprised that my crying - I couldn't contain it in that room - was getting the doc teary eyed, too.   It did make it a little easier that the person that was going to inject the drug into Coco's veins to put an end to her life was not somehow detached and unemotional about the passing of an animal, which many people think is stupid that you would have the same kind of emotional reaction as you might have with the passing of an actual human.

That's it for me today.  There isn't really anything else for me to talk about, as I don't really care about anything else right now.  I am sure that will change by tomorrow or soon enough, but for today, I am going to get up the pics of my dog and remember the good times that we had.

Editing this one:  They had all these options of what to do with the body.   Euthanasia and take the body home - no thanks.  The ground around here is too rocky, it would take days to dig a hole that deep.  Cremate - but don't get the ashes.  I thought about them taking my dog's body and throwing it into a trash can or cremating her body and doing the same thing.  No, not this time.  Cremate and get the ashes in an urn - with urns apparently going up and up in price.  Thanks, I'll take the plastic container one.  I don't want to KEEP her ashes, I just don't want them ending up in a landfill somewhere.  She loved the great outdoors and that's where those ashes will go.  I will take them up to the property in the mountains and release them over a portion of the land that is unused and unusable and on the adjacent property - which is the Tonto National Forest.  I think that fitting. She absolutely loved it up there, running and follicking around in the woods and having a grand old time.

ben

Coco

My beautiful Great Dane/Catahoula mix was put down at 8:38 pm today, 32 minutes ago.
I had been attempting to prepare myself for this for the last few days now.
I know the sight of a dog that is at their last, and she was definitely there.

She was so weak today that she could barely get up and she could hardly walk, bumping
against the walls as she tried to get outside to urinate.  That was it, I took her to an animal
hospital in Gilbert, AZ for one, last, final attempt.

But as I was driving there, I had the gut feeling that this wasn't going to end well.  I've
been a dog owner all my life and I have been down this road several times now.
The vet had taken a sample out of her belly, which was huge.  She said that it was fluid
from her belly and went down a rather short list of things that it could be.  Heart disease,
cancer, a few other things.

When she came back with an estimate of how much it would cost just to try and find out
what was wrong with her - $1,686.00 - well that was the last straw.  I don't have that kind of
money to fork out on a dog.  We had a frank discussion and then I started crying.  When they
brought her into the room I was in, I then started balling.  They left me alone with her after
I had made the decision that it was time for her to be put down and I just cried while stroking
her soft, furry coat.

I wanted to be there for her passing, that she wouldn't die looking into the eyes of a stranger.
So I stayed.  She pulled out the syringe, they already had the thing in her vein, I was speaking softly
into my dog's ear and stroking her head, giving her a kiss here and there, saying goodbye to her.

She passed in front of me.

She was one of the best dogs that I have ever had.  She was so incredibly smart, agile, full of life and
energy.  Loyal, she would follow me everywhere.  I may still have 2 other Great Danes here, but it is
going to take a while to get used to coming home and not having her jumping up and down, making the
noise she made, greeting me and leading the way to the door.

She had been rejected by 4 families, being carted around on Craigslist when I first got her.  She had such
separation anxiety that she would do anything to get out of the yard when I would leave.  2 weeks after
I brought her home, my house burned down, but I was able to find a place to live that would take a dog
that large.

Over time, she got over the separation issue and was fully content to let me go in the mornings when I headed off to work because she knew I would be coming home later.

I will miss her, dearly.

Bye, Coco, I love you sweety.

ben

Saturday 3/3/2012

I have no idea where this situation with Coco is going.  I'm still hoping for the best, but she doesn't appear to be getting any better.  I just don't know if she's getting better or not is the point.  Yesterday, after force feeding her, she later threw it up - like about 3 hours later.
That was not a good sign.  At the same time, though, she is drinking plenty of water on her own.  Plus, the stuff I had force fed her with may not necessarily be a "bland" diet type of thing and I am resorting back to nothing but chicken and rice.
Though, this morning, I did give her a bottle of ensure.  That stuff is racked full of all kinds of good stuff that, if she can keep it down, would help her a bit to regain her strength.
I'm kinda wondering, though, at this point, if the doc might not have missed something on those x-rays he took.  At the same time, she was pissing out solid blood and though I occasionally see some spotting here and there, that is mostly back to what it is supposed to be.  I will be checking on that today.  So, I don't really know.  The whole situation is in limbo.  Continue to give her the strong antibiotics and hope that it will take it's course and have it's way on whatever's going on in there.

One thing's for sure, I can't afford another vet visit.  Maybe just a visit for a checkup - I think that's $45 - but any x-rays or blood panels or whatever else is simply out of the question.  He's a very experienced, long-time vet who I think, anyway, knows what he is doing.  He has been running that place for quite a long time.  I'm just trying to reassure myself that I took the dog to the right place and that a good prognosis has been made and that she is going to get better.  What else CAN I do?

Pray.  Yes, I have been praying over her.  God created all things, including dogs.  He can fix her and I am standing in faith and asking the Lord to do exactly that.  Sound crazy? Maybe, but I don't see anywhere in the scripture that forbids me to pray for animals so therefore, that's exactly what I am doing.  I have nothing else left to do besides sit here and hope and pray.  She was up several times last night - I leave my door ajar so she can get out.  She goes outside, pisses and then drinks more water.  She finally came back in on her own last night on the second trip, for whatever reason she hasn't even been coming back into the house until I go out there and invite her to come in.

Whatever the case, I cannot continue like this forever.  The dog just needs to heal and get it over with, I am not going to even speak the other side of that coin as I believe in the power of the spoken word, so I will speak life over her, not the other alternative.

It's Saturday, so I will probably try to get some stuff done around the house today as I normally do on Saturdays, but this situation is beginning to wear me down.  I really don't even think she would be alive right now if I hadn't started force feeding her.  She still won't even think about eating and she tries to clamp her mouth shut when I do the turkey baster routine - but - it's solid plastic and very long and makes it's way into her mouth regardless of whether she likes it or not.  In a couple of hours, I am going to give her another half bottle of Ensure and then a little later even more.  After that, this evening, I will try giving her a smaller dose of the concoction I have been blending up and hope that she can keep it down.

The only other thing that I have "pressing" on me today is to spend time in the Word and seek the Lord.

Later.

ben

Friday 3/2/2012

My internet speed is down AGAIN.  I continue to have to call Qwest/CenturySucks to get it fixed.  Today, I called corporate.  I asked the executive whatever dude to look at how many times I have had to call for this same issue, over and over.  Wow, he states, several times in the last MONTH alone!  Yes, but your company thinks it's perfectly acceptable that "well all you have to do when it's doing that is call in", as if I WANT to have to call in several times a month.

I then ask about the reduced rate internet service that is guaranteed price with no contract for 5 years.  Yes, he states, but you have internet only, you don't have phone service with us.  To get that promotion, you have to get a home phone line as well.  I told him the reason WHY I got rid of their home phone service: it didn't work, either and I continuously had to call them to come out and "repair" it, which never lasted very long and then, kablaam, right back a square one.

Oh.  He then starts talking about how he COULD offer me a reduced rate, but I would have to agree to a 1 year contract.  I never heard with the reduced rate was, because I couldn't believe he was asking me to sign a contract for service that barely works!  FIX THE SERVICE and then we'll talk about contracts with reduced rates, was my reply.  Why haven't I already switched over to another company as I stated I was going to before?

2 reasons.  First I haven't had the time and second because I really don't have "spare" money right now to buy another modem.  Cox makes you either buy their modem or you can go buy your own, but you also have to buy a separate router.  The Century Link Motorola 3347 is a modem and router combined together. When the service works, it works really well.  Well, he says, I can have a level 2 service technician call you back and try to deal with this situation.  Okay, whatever.  At least I was able to bypass all that Philippines junk some extremely calloused, indifferent people who could care less whether your service works or not.

But, for yucks, I am going to call Cox today and see if I can get any better deal than what they have offered me.  They will give a new modem for free, I think, if you bundle service with them, ie: internet and cable.  Not interested in their cable.  If I am going up to the mountains this summer, I want the option of having tv up there.  I don't watch that much, but I do watch some tv.  Cox cable ain't running through there and the only option is satellite.  I am considering switching to Dish Network, though.  I am sick of paying extremely high monthly bill for satellite TV just because Direct TV thinks I should.  I have to go to extreme measures - frequently enough - to get the discounts I am getting renewed.  They are now telling me that regardless, I am going to be paying an extra almost $5 per month because they are raising their rates.

Cox is, as usual, immovable in their rates.  You either get extremely slow connection at 3mpbs or you jump to 18mpbs at $53.95 per month - there is no speed rate service in between.  Just got done with a live chat agent and they told me oh well, no biggies after I stated that if you couldn't offer something in between, I would not be doing business with your company.  I could call them and ask for something better, but something tells me it would be a complete waste of time.  I will either have to live with the service I have or pay mores to Cox.  I would like my monthly expenses to go DOWN, not up, thanks.  I'm not sure Dish Network is going to be all that much better priced, either, but I am going to check it out.

________________________________

Rather long interlude.  A higher level service manager called and has already set up for a technician to come out - today actually.  He stated if the tech needed to, he would replace the modem with a newer one.  ????? This is the umpteenth time I've heard differing statements on this particular modem I have.  One person telling me it's a newer model, another telling me it's an older model.  This guy specifically stated it's about 3 to 4 year old technology and there is a better modem available.  So, definitely give this a shot is all I can say about it.  I hate Cox anyway, more than I had Century Link.  I could go into the "service" I once had with them and all of that, but it would take too long and I have already done that on this journal sometime in the past.

_____________________________________

Another long interlude. The vet called.  He was asking for a person named Allen.  Dunno anyone by that name, are you with Qwest (hard to remember that they have changed their name to Century Link).  No, this is so and so with the animal clinic.  Oh, hey doc, this ben b that brought in coco.  We chatted a few minutes - he was starting to talk about MRI's and this and that.  I said no, can't do that.  We're going to continue to give her those antibiotics and hope for the best.  If there is something more serious such as cancer (he came up with all kinds of stuff), then at some point I would have to consider putting her down.  But I am not even close to that point yet, it's only 3 days into the antibiotics and considering she was bleeding profusely just 2 days ago, I would expect that this problem still has some time to heal before we go to any "next" phase, of which I cannot afford anyway.  So that was it, I told him I was force feeding her and about how she was so weak the other day she could barely walk - wanted to see what his reaction to the force feeding was.  No problem with it at all and encouraged me to continue doing so.  Yes, well I have already done that today and will do it again later on.  Twice a day with as much calories and protein and all the stuff in it that I am putting in there should be very good for at least getting some of her energy back.  I am going up to the store in a bit and get some Ensure and buy some more chicken.  I am also going to cook a pot of rice - over cook it so it gets mushy.  That way, I can blend it to a much finer consistency than what the other rice was doing. It was clogging up the turkey baster and making it hard to get much in there.

I did no rice this morning and the liquid was easily filling up the baster.  Takes much less time to get the stuff down her throat that way.  The thing that is at least somewhat good is that she isn't putting up a fight when I am doing this baster routine. She is sometimes clenching her jaw shut, but that's not bad compared to what I was expecting: her attempting to run away and having to hold her down to do it.  No, she isn't doing that at all.  She just lays there and lets me do it.

Terrible video because of low light quality. Well, actually, I should have checked the light factor on the camera which I could have changed.  Too late and I am going to bed.  Just a look at the dog in question.  Try again in daylight tomorrow.

Is There Anyone That Doesn't Do Twitter?

The answer is yes.  I know this for a fact that at least one person in the United States does not visit twitter, does not go to movie stars Twitter accounts and google and ga or make profane statements or otherwise.  The reason I know this? That person happens to be me.  I think I started an account there, moved around, did the rounds, hated it.  Boring.  Stupid.  Egotistical.  A bunch more adjectives.  Who cares?  I hear birds tweeting around here all the time, that's enough twittering for me, thanks and I like to listen to the birds tweets, I really could care less about the internet version of it.

Why say that?  It's EVERYWHERE, ALL the time. In the news, in the mail, on your facebook wall, you can't get away from it, yet, I NEVER go there!! My life is not in danger of being ended because I don't do Twitter.  I blog here, I occasionally write on Facebook, I do Yelp here and there, a few other things I have been affiliated with for years and years concerning trucking.  But Twitter? Can disappear off the face of the cyber earth and I wouldn't be affected one way or the other, at all.  Yes, I do all kinds of READING all over the internet, Twitter NOT included, I was just elucidating on the places I do write.

I hear too much about tweeting and what people say that gets in the news is mostly stupid, insulting or otherwise offensive.

Enough.  I decided against giving Coco more force-fed food for today. I gave her a lot earlier and I figure I am doing good to get that much in her and get it digested without any problems.  Instead, I will do it again tomorrow morning and then again tomorrow evening - provided, of course, that she doesn't start eating on her own.  But, since she is taking the liquid food and not vomiting it up, I am resolved to do this as long as it takes.  Another day, another week, a month.

Well anyway, I have 3 days off and I am going to rest.  In fact, I am going to bed as early tonight as if I had to go to get up early for work tomorrow, which I don't have to do but definitely am headed there in a few minutes.

Later.

Thursday 3/1/2012

I am, allegedly, getting tomorrow off.  I had asked for a day off because my vacation hours accrue to a maximum of 80 and after that, you don't get anymore until you use some of them up.  Well, I am approaching 80 hours and I didn't want to lose any of it.

Turns out, it is coming at just the right time.  I wish I didn't have to work today, I would just sit around here and give that dog some liquid food throughout the day whether she wants it or not.  We're only at Thursday, but I am completely drained.  Between the huge orders at work that I have been cranking out - pulling, palletizing, shrink-wrapping, loading on the truck, etc etc etc and this situation with the dog plus getting some kind of coughing situation - which amazing already seems to be subsiding - I am out of it.  It will take everything in me to get through this day of work and get home and then - have to deal with this dog.

As for work, 2 of us cranked out over $200k worth of deliveries in 2 days time.  That's a lot of material for a 2 man crew without any more help than - no other help, actually.  We didn't catch a break in maybe a salesman helping or whatever, it was all on us.  Sometimes a salesman will help us do smaller deliveries while I concentrate on the semi-load worth of stuff.  Sometimes they will send over a person from the main branch to help out even if for only half a day.  Well, they did send someone over yesterday but that was too late, we had already done all the work, he did a bunch of clean-up- which is nice, but all of this is taking it's toll on me.

The dog has stopped the constant dribbling of blood altogether at this point.  So, the antibiotics are at least working in that department, which is great, but she still won't eat a bite of food.  It doesn't really add up that I can force food down her throat - and she doesn't reject it/vomit it up.  That would suggest to me that she could eat if she wanted to.  Has she given up?  Does she not want to live? Is there something else going on?  I have no answers for any of that, the only thing I can say is that I do not have any more money for vet visits and whatever happens, happens.

My mother called me yesterday after I had sent her an email letting her know what's going on with Coco - but I had sent that email before the situation had deteriorated substantially.  When I told her what was going on, she about started crying on the phone - she is also a big-time dog lover.

Well, get on my "happy-face" and go to work in a few minutes.  At least today I didn't have to go in early - 3 days in a row I had to show up extra early because of all of this stuff going on.  There are deliveries for today - which haven't been pulled yet meaning out there in the dark and cold attempting to get something done that I am, quite admittedly, dragging my feet on - but it will get done and that will be the end of it.

Later.

Coco is dying.
I have no other conclusion than that.
I have given her the antibiotics, but it appears it's too little, too late.
She simply refuses to eat anything.  When I say anything, I mean chicken, beef, canned dog food, dog biscuits, whatever.  I cannot force the dog to eat.  She is so weak she can barely walk and at the point she can't walk? That's the end.  Dogs that can't get up and move around are dogs that do not live.
It seems unbelievable that I've had that dog to the vet twice and still nothing good has become of it.
She has been starving herself for about 2 weeks now and of course, you can't live forever without eating.  She took a LITTLE food yesterday, when I say little I mean like a couple of teaspoons full.  After that, she would have none of it.  I wish I knew what else I could do for her, but I don't know and I can't continue to ...........
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SNAP OUT OF IT.
Geeze.  Sometimes I piss myself off.  What can I do.  What can I do indeed.  Just took a can of beef broth, -poured in into a blender.  Took a whole leg of chicken (cooked, of course), tearing off both the skin and meat and dumped it in there.  Got some of my chicken and rice casserole that is left over from the other day and dumped that in there as well. Enough chicken and rice to make a good meal for a dog.  Turned on the blender and let'er whirl.  For quite a while, I wanted it watery in it's substance.

Sure enough, just like water or enough so that a turkey baster easily sucked it up.  Poured all of the mixture into a bowl and started force feeding her.  Yup, took that baster and shoved it into her mouth and near the back and let'er rip.  Holding her head up, she had no choice but to swallow.  I emptied that entire bowl into her mouth.  Waiting to see if she's going to puke it up or something, but in all of this, puking hasn't really been a factor.  It's been 20 minutes and no sign of rejection so far. If she can keep that down, I will do that every day, a couple of times a day until she starts eating on her own.

She is SO terribly thin she looks like death walking.  It's extremely saddening to watch your beloved dog wasting away, in pain.  The doc said no pain killers because - whatever he said, I didn't really hear it.  I was giving her some aspirins but he said no for whatever reason  - I think dehydration - but I think I am going  to shun that advice as the dog is drinking water, lots of it.  No, her problem besides the acute infection is the fact that she hasn't hardly eaten anything in that last 14 days.  A few dog biscuits, a bowl of spaghetti one night, but that's it.

It's been an hour now and no sign of vomiting/rejection.  She has also perked up quite a lot! Yes.  Tomorrow I will be stopping at the grocery store and buying more broth - though probably chicken broth this time and I already have chicken to cook in the freezer, take some of that out tonight to thaw.
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Well, about 2 hours now.  I was waiting for the worst, though certainly not hoping for it.  Instead, not only has she stomached the liquid food, she also to appears to have stopped dribbling and pissing out bloodied urine.

It is time for me to go to bed.  She is in for the night, on her bed and crashed out.  Yes, I care for my dogs.  Very much so.

ben

Severe................

........urinary tract infection, so much so that she, my dog Coco, is pissing blood.  That's the verdict of the doc.  Handed me a bottle of pills, told me to give them to her once a day until they are gone.  Make sure she is drinking water - which is the first thing she did when she got home, stuck her head in the 5 gallon bucket (when you have 3 large dogs, you go with large quantities of water available, those little water dishes do nothing for dogs that size) and started drinking away.

She would not, unfortunately, touch any food.  She hasn't eaten since Friday.  I just tried giving her some chicken and then tried giving her a doggy biscuit, both her favorites, wouldn't even think about it.  I can't force the dog to eat.  That's the plain and simple truth of it, she will eat when she is going to eat.  But I am going to try some canned dog food anyway, in a few moments, as she has always liked that stuff as well.  She is going to have to stay outside tonight, unfortunately, because she is pissing small quantities of blood all over the place and I cannot have that in my house.  I love dogs, but I don't love them that much.  Hopefully the antibiotics will start to work quickly and perhaps we can get this problem behind us and she will start eating again.

Tuesday 2/28/2012

I'm sitting in a parking lot, down the street from the vet.  In between deliveries, I ran home today, got Coco, hauled her over to the animal hospital and then went back to work.

The vet called about an hour ago saying her bowels are pretty much all cleared up, but now she is pissing blood. Can't catch a break here, can we?  He did an X-ray to determine that there isn't anything in there at this point.   So now?  Blood panels to see if there is anything going on with her kidneys. If you think that all of this doesn't sound cheap, you would be right.  $150 for the blood panels plus a check-up/re-visit fee and who knows whatever else.  The vet is hoping it will be a simple matter of giving her antibiotics, but he was hesitant to do that without checking her kidneys first.

Whatever the case, I would like this to be the final visit - for a long time anyway - to the vet for this particular problem and hoping that there isn't going to be some sort of negative result from those blood tests.

I'm pretty much beat at this point.  Work yesterday took it all out of me.  Now I am getting what appears to be a chest cold and still dealing with this dog.  Anyway, I decided to simply wait for the news and hopefully take the dog home rather than go home and then have to go back to the vet's office. 

There isn't any other news because I am too tired to even think about anything else excepting that there is the small groups at church tonight, but if I don't catch a second wind here, I won't be going, instead, I will be going to sleep early. 

That's it. I'm going to take a nap in the car while waiting as I am so incredibly sleepy right now!

Monday 2/27/2012

Safe? Their community is safe?  Is ANYONE safe in modern-day America?  A kid goes on a shooting rampage at a high school in Ohio, kills one and seriously injures more - now another student has been confirmed as having had passed away from the injuries sustained from being shot.  When a parent sends a kid off to school, does it cross their mind that yeah, some kid with serious problems or several kids in same dementia are going to show up to school, shoot your kid and he/she isn't going to come home that day?

It's utter and pure insanity.  If it was the first time it ever happened you might think a fluke.  But it isn't even close to the first time at this point and it seems to be becoming a "norm".  

Well whatever.  I had to show up to work early this morning which is why there was no entry this morning and I have to show up to work tomorrow early yet again.  I worked my freaking @$$ off today for almost 11 hours straight, non-stop and I am tired.  I came home to a dog this is still in misery and can't release all the poop stuck up in there.  I have given her numerous enemas since I came home, plus mineral oil plus forced her to drink Gatorade.  She hasn't eaten since Friday.

She is looking BAD at this point.  Her skin is pulled tight against her ribs because she hasn't been eating.  She looks like a dog you would see on TV on that show that the animal control people go to and film views of dog that aren't being fed.  Well, I have been trying to give her CHICKEN, that is her favorite food on earth and she won't even touch it.  I read online from vets it's safe to give dogs Gatorade and I have been giving her doses of that since I got home.

If we weren't slammed to tomorrow at work, I would have already asked to be able to show up late so I can take her to the vet.  They said if what I am doing doesn't work, then she will have to be left there for the whole day and will have to have enemas all day long and if necessary, yes, a finger will have to be lodged up in there in the rectum to dislodge the stuff.  Gross.  It was gross enough for me to get over the enema up the ass bit, I am NOT sticking my finger up a dog's ass, even if there is a plastic glove on it.  If Wednesday isn't slammed as well and this thing hasn't relented, I am definitely going to simply tell my manager I will have to show up late - vet offices don't open at 6:00 am that I know of, and that will have to be that.

Ohhh, you can bet that I am not the most joyous person right now.  I am giving my dog a couple of aspirins tonight regardless.  She is in agony and I cannot just sit around watching it without offering something to help it.  I had to get up in the middle of the night last night and get out the carpet cleaning machine - she had dribbled on the carpet in my bedroom.  I had left the door ajar but somehow it was shut enough that she couldn't open it and that was the reason that occurred - that dog will NOT do that kind of thing in my house if she is able to get outside.  I have given her the last of the enemas today.  It will have to wait until tomorrow morning to give her another before work and then whatever needs be done when I get home.

But, I am increasingly concerned about the fact that she hasn't been eating and how long can a dog go without eating ANYTHING?  Hence the Gatorade, at least there's something in there to give some kind of energy.  It isn't food but it's better than nothing.  She is one of the best dogs I have ever had in my entire life and to lose her to something like this would be devastating to me.  If you are a person that thinks it's stupid to love your doggies, that's fine, but don't tell ME about it because I will tell you where you can stick it.

Again, I am not in the greatest mood ever after having been pulling orders most of the day and delivering it some of the day - pulling material that is so extremely, unbelievably heavy and just knocks me out and then having to come home and tend to my dog for hours, it's definitely taking a toll on me.

I don't know, sometimes life sucks so incredibly bad.

I Was Outside...........

.............sitting on a carpet on the concrete with my Catahoula.  I had forced her outside because yes, I have given her fully 5 enemas today and we aren't through yet.  We will get past this problem regardless of my distaste of having to sit on top of a dog to keep it from getting up and running off and more to the point: having to stick a syringe up a dog's @$$ full of fluid.  I have dumped mineral oil down her throat today a couple of times as well as a bit of Gatorade here and there.

I was petting her and she had her head on my lap, completely out of it.  I was looking up at the sky.  I had forgotten the numbers of contrails to be seen in these parts.

You aren't looking at clouds, you are looking at contrails, plus the rear end of Camelback mountain and not sure if the Southwest Airlines plane that is landing shows up.

My Catahoula.  I wouldn't wish what she's going through on anyone.

Church

I guess I should stop going.  I go in there with terrible mind battles more often than not and today was no exception.
I don't blame this church I am going to, per-se, I probably really only have myself to blame but whatever.
There isn't much to say about it.  I lasted through 1 hour and 10 minutes of worship service, got up and left.
I promised myself that I would at least try the "small groups" and so, I at least try to keep promises to myself, so I will attempt to go on Tuesday evening and see what, if anything, happens.  The leader of the small group I signed up for actually came forward and introduced themselves.

Anyway. Coco - my Catahoula - not doing well at all.  I broke down.  I wasn't about to insert that enema syringe in there with all the fight she puts up, but enough is enough.  Took her outside, sat down on top of her and she had no choice.  She didn't like it - of course - but tough.  I did it again 40 minutes later and will be doing it again another 20 minutes from now and will continue with this until all that gunk comes out of there.  I have been dumping mineral oil down her throat.  She is gaunt looking, her flash wrapped over her ribs, she is obviously miserable and I can't just not doing something that will help her because she doesn't like it or - it grosses me out as well.  When we get past this, I am going to feed her food that will help fatten her back up again.  I set freshly cooked chicken out there for her a while ago and she wouldn't touch it.

Another 5 hours of enemas and I hope something happens.

Caleb still not feeling well at all.  I am feeding him and getting him fluids, the rest is up to resting and time.

I don't get the use of ATM's, really.  If it's your own bank's ATM and you aren't charged a fee, then no biggies. But paying $3 for YOUR money simply because it's coming out of some other bank's ATM machine is outrageous.  Rarely, do I use an ATM and now that QuikTrip has my bank's ATM's in every store, much more abundant locations all over the place, I need not use a fee'd ATM.  I have never liked the idea of paying money to get = your money.  I have done it- yes, but extremely infrequently.  A few times at some casinos, a few times on vacation, other than that, never locally.

Convenience costs money, in many cases and it's simply not worth it, much of the time, for me to throw money down the drain that could be going to something else.  What got me started on this? A story about ATM's with banks that are charging 3% per transaction, not $3.  Difference without a distinction if you're taking out $100, but anything over that?  $3 per 100 is basically what that means.

I'll go back to cash only living, having no bank and doing money orders before I am forcefully subjected to outrageous bank fees.  At the moment, I have free checking - that because I both have direct deposit and also use my debit card more than 8 times per month.  Either of them will get free checking at the bank I am currently using, though I am considering switching to a credit union.

Sunday 2/27/2012

I was quite humored when Kyle - a family friend I guess you would call him all of 18 years old - came over here yesterday declaring that he was selling tools for whatever customer and earning $1,500.00 per week.  Is it possible?  I suppose, but at the same time, he is going to a school of massage therapy to learn how to become a massage therapist which I doubt would earn him that much money.  Instead of questioning him on it, I simply told him that he is making more money than I am!  He used to hang out with Caleb over here but then got aligned with drug users including heroin addicts and he disappeared off the radar for quite a long time.

He also impregnated a girl and has a baby  now.  He is off the drugs - though he drinks regularly, still better than being on drugs - and apparently has had a fire lit under his fit to work, work, work and earn money to support the girl and the baby.

Well whatever.  Then he offers me a professional massage at the low rate of $1 per minute, lol.

Meanwhile, Caleb got the flu.  Probably, I am guessing, from college.  I dunno, but I want nothing to do with it.  I have been feeding him and giving him plenty of liquids but other than that?  Staying away from the boy.  He has been sleeping/resting/kicking back for a couple of days now.

Coco - the Catahoula mix - is still plugged up but finally some "stuff" is coming out.  Hopefully the mineral oil will work it's way through all of that and all of that will come out - preferably today and get it over with.

I continue to torment myself - well not that bad but you get the picture - with endless articles on the web about baby boomers not having anything or too little saved up for retirement.  I know, I have talked about this a lot on this blog, but it keeps it alive and in my face. You can look at 15 or 20 years and say that's a long time, I don't need to be so dramatic about it, but - that isn't that much time and it will be here faster than you know and then kablaam, whatever you have saved, that's it.  If you didn't save enough or even save anything, you are screwed.  Well I can tell you right now, if I had to retire today, I am screwed.

It takes money to make money - a very true statement mostly - and that is the plan here.  I am not going to get enough for retirement simply by means of what I am putting aside in the 401k or even in the bank savings account, it is going to have to be upped substantially.  I am changing my mind about that travel trailer that I wanted to trade for a pickup, better to sell it and save the money for that casita I am going to build.  I haven't firmly decided on that yet - I have 3 more payments and then I can make a decision.

Anyway, I am going to force myself to church today, meaning I have to leave...........uhhhh...........now, actually.

Later.

ben