I'm Writing To Myself

Lol. Well, no big deal. My writing is because I like to write, so - even if no-one is reading this stuff, I will continue on.

On the eve of a hopefully nice, fun day tomorrow at this new waterpark. But that's tomorrow.

Yesterday, I looked at some pork - stuff - like steaks, sort of - but full of fat. Yuck. It was cheap, but I don't want to eat this kind of thing. I put the stuff into a very large frying pan and cooked it on very low for a couple of hours. I figured to cook the fat out of it - and if I couldn't, the dogs would be eating well (definitely NOT a fan of pork fat, chicken fat and most beef fats - some good steaks such as Porterhouse has VERY tasty fat, a thing I indulge in very rarely).

Well, the pork became very tender and fell off the bones with a fork, the fat has almost disappeared into grease. There was only a few small strips of fat left which I removed. Drain the grease, pull out the fat, remove the bones. Only problem left? I only had a 1/3rd of a bottle of BBQ sauce left - I wanted to turn it into something that would taste good on a sandwich. Well, I decided to dump that in there and see what happens.

I was amazed. The small amount of BBQ sauce coupled with the spices I had dumped on the meat was a very tasty combination indeed. I figured to tell the boys that it was stuff they wouldn't like and don't bother trying it - I use that ploy at times to try and keep them out of the stuff. Well, Michael just found it and ate a several sandwiches worth. If you haven't read my other post about Michael - he is allowed to visit, he just isn't living here anymore. I think it a much better setup and he's not here everyday. I don't hate Michael, I just feel that he needs to spend time at home and get a taste of what that's like and get a little more understanding, over an extended period of time, of just what my offerings to him in terms of food always available; electricity always on; water always running; cooling; quiet place to sleep; privacy are worth.

They are worth much more than he has given it credit for - basically just taking it for granted. I take nothing for granted. I work my @$$ off for the money I do get - and put up with tenants for the rest of it. Working is great - tenants? Yeah, well that depends on the particular tenant and their disposition and lifestyle.

Anyway, I got an update on their family today. The police were over there this week - Anthony and their father were in a fight that ended up with neighbors calling the police. Anthony HATES his dad. His dad is a very hostile, violent and violent tempered "man". He goes into fits of rage at the drop of a hat - and has beaten on his girfriend - the kid's mother - forever apparently since they've been together some 17 years. Anthony - has the same temperament as his father. Get 2 hotheads living together that don't like each other - look out. So - this is the beginning of their occupancy of yet another house. The police have now identified where they are living and I'm quite sure more trouble will follow.

J.D. - the black kid that's over here a lot - and no, I'm not racist - told me yesterday that the situation with their household, Michael's family that is - has not changed. The kids fight over the TV; electricity is sometimes on, sometimes not; too many people with short fuses getting into arguments; sleeping is next to impossible. They let the satellite bill go too long - no satellite. I was amazed that Michael even admitted that their bank account is overdrawn and they are in hot water with the bank as well. Well, I imagine lots of Americans may be in or near that particular situation right now - but this family is ALWAYS in these predicaments.

I almost feel sorry for Michael - but really - he brought this upon himself. I was getting sick of his attitude. Again, a dose of reality - a continued dose of reality over a good period of time - should give him a new appreciation of my house and it's offerings. And that's where it's going to be left for now.

Since my readership on my blogs is down to basically nothing, I don't mind "rambling" on and on - it's just me, writing out my thoughts. For those that don't know me - I type rather fast and these long entries don't take that long to type out. At least in terms of the actual typing - my thoughts tend to wander off into different realms and I stop writing while thinking about things - and then start back up again. I am thinking of just doing all of my writing on here and leaving KCL alone for a while - that site is a popularity contest - that's really all I see it as. It isn't really that much like JS was in those terms. I don't write for popularity, I write because I love the release and I love the ability to come back and see what I was doing at any particular point in time. My writings - because I tend to be thorough - have helped me countless times on court cases and in fact-finding missions. I only wish that JS was still there so that all of those writings were still there as well. For me - and me alone - there is a wealth of my history there that - when I used to be able to go back and read it - astonished me on certain sectors of my life in periods of want (extreme lack of finances).

I remember rather well the extended period of living without a hot water heater or a washer and dryer. Living in these hellish temps with nothing more than a swamp cooler and a couple of window AC units that really didn't keep it cool in there. Feeling like I was living in a s***hole, but not really ever admitting it to anyone. When I got more of the work done in that house, I started to get comfortable with it, but it was an ever-so-drawn-out process because of lack of funds. The point here is that I had ALL of that written out - and surely, a much clearer picture emerges when you can go back and read about it.

But - during those periods - I never thought about self-pity and how miserable life was. Life is not about money - if it were, I would have killed myself a long time ago. I've had precious little of it in my lifetime and it doesn't stick around long when I do get it. It kinda makes me fear the future - growing old and still being poor and not being able to take care of my own needs without help is hardly an appealing thought. Or working until my grave - not a great prospect either.

Speaking of that, out of the blue, my dad sent me an email yesterday about my being the executor of his estate. I didn't know he had actually DONE that with his legal counsel, but, indeed, he has. He told me that my brothers - when they were still talking to him - informed him they didn't wany ANYTHING of his when he dies. I would consider that a slap in the face, as if your life and your belongings are worthless junk. He does not, from what I read in his email, have them in his will. I found that almost shocking. Wow!!! But then again, if your kids disowned you and wouldn't even talk to you, would you not be tempted to do the same thing?

And yet, I have seen so many times when relatives, siblings and whatever other relations of the deceased had NOTHING to do with that person, come out of the woodwork and start making demands for money. I will tell you right now, that when my father dies - a day I am not looking forward to but it's the reality of life - I will follow his will to the letter. WHATEVER he wants done with that money is where it's going to go. He has already spoken that there are charities that he wants a portion of it to go to - and certainly, THAT'S where it's going to go if I have anything to do with it, and being the executor, I certainly will have plenty to do with it.

IF he REALLY left out my brothers, then they will not get a dime. I envision a court battle that I want nothing to do with - but - I will have to engage in in order to see my father's wishes fulfilled. That is, of course, presuming I actually outlive my dad. Life is not guaranteed. It's a thing that surfaces in my mind relatively often. I always think about what if I die and my son is left growing up without a father. I have had the security of having parents around even up until now - I am 45 years old and both of my parents are still in good health. I know SO many people whose parents, by the time they reach my age, are dead.

Yep, you can call this an extremely lengthy, drawn-out, rambling post. Don't really care. I've heard from people the statements behind my back about those that I "know" online trashing me because I go on and on. Again, don't really care. What's the point of reading my journal if you don't like it? Must be millions of them out there - go find the people they like and be happy. I really don't much understand this internet trashing s*** anyway. You don't have to endure people like me if you don't LIKE people like me. It's really laughable to me that there are people that expend their energies and time in engaging in useless gossip and trash-talking, especially concerning this blogging business and all the crap that goes on with people hating each other.

In fact, it envelops most of the human race - rich, poor, happy, sad. We get bored? Start thinking about ways to give someone grief - all done behind their back. Nice. What a total waste of life and time. If life has no more value than to spend it trying to make life miserable for someone else, then life isn't worth living. I do write about certain things going on in my life - but it has nothing to do with anyone that read my journals and it has everything to do with these people making life - or attempting to do so anyway - miserable.

A good example would be Mimi. I addressed her about the fact that by now, she has trashed talked me; Caleb; the other boys; the other tenants; my dogs; my house to everyone that has an ear to hear. I literally wrote that, because there is a 99.99999999999 ad-infinitum possibility that that has occured relentless numbers of times. She wrote me a letter back - her tones towards me were GREATLY diminished. That was surprising in itself. She did not say anything about that or a couple of other subjects I brought up to refute her statements she made to me in her second email to me. We are not talking at this point - communication is going through email. I will not tolerate a person trash-talking and yelling at my kid. He is hardly the perfect kid - none of us are perfect - I freely admitted that to her - but he certainly did NOT deserve the treatment she doused him with the other morning.

Onto other ramblings. Whatever his motives in the thing, I give Clinton kudos for going over to North Korea and getting those girls out of there. I'm sure there is far more than any of us know behind the scenes for political motives - but - I respect the man for going into extremely hostile territory and going through the actions it took to get them out of there. THOSE girls, as far as I have read, were nothing but political pawns, their individuals lives were meaningless to the NK's. I was not a fan of Clinton during his presidency - which goes against the flow and I don't care about being politically correct, either, because I see most of political correctedness being totally against God's desires, will and spoken Word concerning what He wants done on this earth. I most certainly held it against Clinton for the extreme lies about "I never had sexual relations with that woman" - when it became fact that she was giving him **** **** in the friggin' White House. It was even more appalling to me that the news media didn't ream him MUCH more than they did. In fact, most of what I saw made it seem like it was a minor infraction. BS. If it were a republican president, they would have roasted him over a fire pit until well done, stripped his flesh and pulled his veins out.

Again, having said that, I applaud Clinton. I personally feel that there had to have been some element of risk for him, a former president - going over to what is obviously enemy territory - for that purpose. Hidden political agendas aside, he could have been blind-sided in that trip and he could be history. I say that lightly - what nation's government is going to publicly kill an ex-president? Thought left there.

Ahhh yes, the Rambling Ben. Lol. I have been watching the dogs all day long after injecting them with the Parvo vaccination. Just want to be sure there are no reactions to the vaccine. I worry about my dogs, freely admitted - at least on occasion. Parvo is a big-time problem in this area - but I have not been taking my dogs anywhere where other dogs are. I take them here and there on short walks. I think that for $30, it's a good investment into my dog's longevity. They also need rabies shots - gotta get them to the clinic - well actually, now that I think about it - forget it. I would have to be there early and I would have to wait maybe for hours and hours. The clinic gives the shots at greatly reduced prices. I could also order the rabies vaccine online - but I'm a little hesitant, for some reason, to give them that kind of stuff without a vet administering it. I only know that going to a regular vet for those shots are VERY expensive and I will do whatever alternative necessary to keep them vaccinated against that disease.

So, on and on and on I go. My thoughts are really what I want to get to. As if this entry hasn't gone on long enough. First, Mimi. The caustic email that she wrote me? It has been eating away. Although I addressed the s*** she wrote me completely, I just don't quite understand a person totally trashing another person's kid - while living in that other person's home. My son didn't hit her; didn't steal from her; - I mean - this issue was QUITE small compared to the real issues of day to day life. I wonder how she would feel if I were to start talking about her son like that? Yes, that thing has really bothered me. We aren't talking and I don't WANT to talk to her - yelling at a juvenile for talking in low tones in the middle of the night? While she leaves her bedroom door open for whatever amounts of that noise to come in? Leave it to whatever reader may happen to make it this far.

I guess there really isn't much secondary. The situation at work has me thinking - but I have let the worrying go. It is what it is and will turn in to whatever it will turn into. I am glad to be employed, hope I stay that way and I can only deal with that one day at a time. I had thought it dangerous to take vacation time - but - I'm taking it anyway. So have a lot of other people in my company, which kinda gave me a little padding for comfort to think I can take 3 days off of work and come back - to still be employed.

Other thoughts are this drip system - it's not a concern or worry - just something I would like to get done. My brothers. I can't stand the situation with my family. Treating your parents the way they do without any reasonable cause is just - a crock of s***. I gave up trying to have a relationship with them long ago - I'm on their s*** list as well because of my religious beliefs, that mostly align with my dad's.
Finances always up there on that list.

Done.