No Advance Notice

So, I go to Caleb's award ceremony. All the JROTC cadets were there, a lot of them. Caleb got a couple of awards - I think he did not get what he was hoping to in terms of authority command for next year. Can't help him there, those people running the show don't ask for parents opinion and - they shouldn't anyway. He is in a position of some authority now, I do imagine he will be promoted, just not to the level he wanted. He's a good kid, big heart, don't know about his future, that's up to him, God's will and how motivated he is to follow through.

So, it was pretty cool ceremony. I get home, there is a pickup truck parking in the street in front of my house, partially blocking my parking space. The tailgate is open, there are Tupperware style storage tubs in the bed. It came to me right then that the dude that is behind in rent is moving out. No fore-notice, nothing. I started to get upset. This guy gets a job and then moves out, owing me money and not even giving me at least a few days notice? I also started getting mad at the dude in the pickup who wasn't moving his vehicle to let me back in.

One of my failings in life is a sometimes-short temper. I can get REALLY mad, REALLY fast when I am being shafted or dissed. Not exactly the traits of a "real" Christian, well, we all have our failings, short-comings and whatever else. I sometimes get visions of beating people to a bloody pulp. Just beat them until they are not conscious and won't be for a while. Break some ribs, knock some teeth out, maybe break an arm. Bad stuff, yes.

But, I never act out on those feelings and they don't last long as I battle against them until it subsides. I will NOT act out on that junk, but I have had to deal with it my entire life. I gave into it when I was a teen, most people never believe the things I did to people, cars, houses, whatever I felt like during that time frame. I don't much care to talk about it, either. I have written it all out in the past, but that was on JS and all of that is permanently gone. I may write it out again - on another, mostly unused, journal as I take no pride in my past and it haunts me to this day.

I have had people talking trash to me to the point that I had to relinquish my "normal" mind, ie: blank stare, and deal with what's going on in my head that seems to be going all over my body. The desire to just punch the person's head a few times, knock him down and be done with it.

Look, I am always wanting to be honest on my journals. But I want to state here that I have NEVER had such desires against any woman/lady/female beast. I wasn't brought up that way. I will just walk away from it. But dudes talking s*** to me? No. That's all it is: no. No thanks and I am not going to stand there and listen to it. I don't go looking for trouble in the physical, hurting type ever. I do pick my battles against corporations, but always on a professional level.

I have totally digressed here. I come into the house - 3 teenagers in the living room, not an unusual thing to see here, I ask them what's going on. "That guy in that room (telling me the room it is ) is moving stuff out of there". I knew it was that guy. He got a job - he claims anyway - but it didn't pan out. Well, whatever. "Why didn't you at least give me notice?". I listened to a well thought out answer - undoubtedly a rehearsed thing he had been going over in his mind. I had thoughts of telling him how I feel about it, I bit my lip. Just get your stuff and get out, I thought, I didn't say much of anything. He is to be out of here by tomorrow.

I am going to let it go, just get him out of here and find someone that has enough money - and a job - to take his place. I have already posted another ad on Craigslist. I have let several of these things go in the past - it isn't worth going after them for the most part, just get them out of here and get someone else.

It's very late for me. I couldn't just go to sleep - that ceremony went on for hours and took me all the way til' my bedtime by the time I got home. No big deal - maybe it will help me sleep through the night. 6 hours of sleep is the same no matter how you get it.

Umm, ending this one, time for bed.

G'nite.

ben