Weekend

Seeds.
I have been wanting to get some Australian Bottle Tree seeds for a while now. Well, actually I rather wanted a sapling, but - I just can't spend money right now. I am dumping money into electricity like a incinerator burning trash, it just disappears. It totally sucks, but right now, there is nothing I can do about it. If there are no tenants around, I turn the AC to a higher temp - like 5 degrees higher. I'll bring a fan out and aim it at my if I get warm, I don't really care that much. Take a cold shower. Whatever. But, there is pretty much always tenants around here. The ex Marine lost his job (due to his own lifestyle) and has no plans to work. Umm, lost the thought here - I bought some Australian Bottle Tree seeds on eBay for $4.99 today with free shipping. That came out of the refund from the bio-filter that eBay decided in my favor for the dispute I opened through eBay with the seller. Cheap and I am totally into this kind of thing. Plant some seeds and hope they grow!

He gave me this news several days ago with a grimmace on his face. I hope he doesn't think he's going to - get away with not paying the rent like he did last time this happened because I will tell him that it is unacceptable. He gets money from the military at the beginning of every month, he is leaving at the end of next month, there is no good reason that I can see to give leniency. A freebie month is out of the question. He didn't SAY that, I just got that feeling. A BAD feeling at that. Wait and see.

Hard day for dieting. Resistance is futile, what came to mind, anyway, but - I didn't give in, at least to the donuts. I absolutely LOVE cream filled donuts. The Bavarian cream stuff, not that white junk that tastes like your pouring sugar down your throat.

I was at the main branch - fully 3 dozen donuts including several of the cream filled style sitting there for whosoever. I envision myself drooling. I haven't had one in a long, long time. I had to make several trips into the area where those donuts were - I resisted.

Before that, I had eaten a Subway ham sandwich - no cheese, no heavy dressings. I wasn't hungry, but - I had plenty of room for one of those donuts. I got out of there. Later on, I was back at my branch. MORE donuts. Inventory today, several people there, they brought all kinds of goodies. It was pure heck to resist eating one of those things. They were buying lunch, did I want any? Yes, I could only say. I had a low fat/calorie fare but - I thought at the time and still thinking now - this is the extent of my eating for today. I can't eat anything else and still think I had a good day.

So, 3 more hours of awakedness. I cannot get my mind off of food. I look at the gains that I have made and THAT is what is keeping me on track. I will NOT eat again today. I last ate at 1:00 pm - but I have HAD my calorie limit for the day, I can't afford to eat anymore. BTW, it's almost 7:00pm and it is also past my 6:00 pm limit for eating. Yes, I have several restrictions on my eating - not TOO many but the restrictions I have simply cannot be crossed. Eye on the prize: get lean again. 6 or 8 pack belly. Obesity related medical problems - negated. I am not obese, I have no intentions on letting myself get anywhere near that. I was close, I guess, at 212 pounds - a full 30 pounds over my life-long adult weight before I started gaining. I hit that weight on the scale and reality set in: either do something NOW or turn into - something you don't want to look like, be or have to deal with.

I came home today and saw a large river rock propped up next to the trailer outside my house. Entertaining, lol. It has professionally scribed numbers on it: my street address plus "1/4" next to it. They're saying another 2 months before they leave. They also told me the other day that "I saved them". They were headed for the streets and literally had nowhere to go when I bought that trailer for them to live in. I'm glad things are turning around for them. I bid them well. No hard feelings them leaving, I would do the same thing in their situation. Yes, I am considering helping someone else that would want the thing.

The situation is not going to be given to the first taker. I don't want a lazy-ass person wanting to mooch. It was months before I got these current folks this trailer. I had 25 conversations with them plus a coupl days of him working over here before they EVER got the nod to move onto the property. Work ethic is mandatory. Whether they are working or not, not the point, they must have that attitude and lifestyle. There are still VERY few jobs to be had in this area - one of the worst hit in the nation.

Ponds. I have 4 large goldfish. One of them is much larger than the rest. When it comes feeding time, he/she is a bully. They all go FAR away from this character while he's going crazy going all over the place looking for the food. He is, in fact, a total pig. I have compensated for it - I put food at both ends of the pond when feeding them. He cannot be at both places at the same time. It's fun to watch, regardless. Pond was cool enough to not have to worry about floating, fried fish when getting home from work.

Heat. I am slowly getting re-accustomed to extreme heat. It was 113 today. I both worked in it and sat out in it when I got home from work. I have to "reorganize" my mind. Heat is a good thing, I tell myself. Driving home in a hell-hot car, I imagined how nice it was. I was lightly sweating and the air moving over my flesh from the open windows kept me cool. I thought that and believed it, that's all I needed. Tunes turned up, drown out any negativity in the thought realm. Enjoy the ride, who cares how hot it is. It's ALL in the mind, really. Car AC may not even get fixed this summer - my finances are that bad - might as well get used to it. I'm not complaining or whining - just writing in my diary. It is what it is. The house is cool, the electricity is on, the water is on, there is food in the refrigerator, for that, I am grateful.

A week away from my 1 week vacation. Mom said her property is available if I wanted to get out of Phoenix. If she's up there, I will take a day trip to visit her. Maybe stay overnight. Not necessarily desirable as I no longer have tents. Yes, I would rather tent out than stay in a small trailer with mother. Nothing against mother, but - it would just be more "comfortable" that way.

It's Friday evening and I'm done with this entry.

ben