Reflection

It was time to get out of the house.  Put on the straw hat, go to the pond area and sit down. 

Shortly after I got out there, a hummingbird caught my attention.  About 9 feet off the ground, it was zinging back and forth attempting to catch a small fly.  It did, eventually, catch it.  It came back - another fly, more dinner. I have not seen that before.  I have only seen them feeding at the feeder which I have not been filling because it is in the direct sunlight and the liquid goes bad quickly.  Cooler temps and I will start filling it up again.

Dogs in tow, the fish were hungry.  Very small black ants had found their way into the goldfish flakes container that was closed.  No matter, they aren't going to stick around on that food in the water, if they do, I doubt the fish are going to care that they swallowed an ant. 

I believe the direction of life should be controlled by the Lord.  I also know that for several years now, I have been floating aimlessly.  I feed the hungry, yes, but as far as fulfilling the call of the Lord on my life - it hasn't really been going in any concrete direction. 

Is it time, I had to ask myself, to do something about this?  Have I had enough of the post-divorce trauma that I have let debilitate me for over 5 years now?  Shall I finally find a way to get into something with a group of people that believe the same and start living life again?

I wondered, also,about why I had bought such a large house.  4 bedrooms turned into 5 with 2 bathrooms, 2,000 square feet.  Why does a single guy need a house that large?  What do I need with a place this large?  Couldn't I have bought a smaller one and not had to have tenants?  Not sure about that one, the upgrade in size was only $10,000 more, relatively small amount for a house and adding substantial square footage.  I never thought, though, that cooling this place would cost so much in the summer.  Well, we're already halfway through August - temps will start going down next month (hopefully) and so will my cooling bill.

Perhaps I had thoughts of having another family.  I dunno.  I don't really regret it, yet, I wonder if I wouldn't have been just as happy with a smaller house and a bit smaller payment. 

I can only say that tomorrow morning, around 10:00 am, I am going to try and force myself out to that car and get over to that church.  I think/believe it's the one.  I haven't ever been there, I just feel it. 
The last 3 I didn't have that feeling.

I"m not going in any particular direction with this, just expressing innermost thoughts.  Not all of them, but sufficient.  There are things that go on in my life that I don't write out on an internet forum.  Some things should be kept personal.  Some things it just isn't wise to speak about to everyone on the block.  It's been an interesting 24 hours is all I can say. 

I'm going to bed early.

ben