I've spent much more time this weekend on this truck than I wanted to. I wanted to relax and enjoy time off before going back to the grind.  Instead, I have been cleaning the thing out, scrubbing it down and putting in scented stuff to try and get rid of the cigarette smoke smell in there.  I have the doors wide open at this point trying to air the thing out.  I'm not really happy that they not only gave me an older truck, but also one that has had a chain smoker in it.  Next to impossible to get that kind of stench out of a truck when someone has been doing that in there for that long. 

I can only hope leaving the doors open all day long - especially considering there is a breeze and the air is blowing straight into it - will help relieve some of that smell out of there. 

It is what it is.  Just kinda of pisses me off that they would knowingly put a non smoker into a smoker's truck.  That thing has almost 500k miles on it, did that same person drive that the entire time and .... if he did....yea, likely never going to get all of that smell out of there. 

Meanwhile, I find out that my last paycheck gets my vacation hours paid out on it.  Well that isn't for another two weeks. Won't get my first check from here for a couple of weeks, either.  I'm going to have to nurse the check I just got - which is very small, the way it was going there, small checks for a lot of work.  I can't nurse it, tho.  I have bills to pay and they are due in in the next 7 days, spread out.  Sat down last month and wrote everything out, how much the bill is for, what day it is due on so I could just whiz through everything and pay it all at once.  But I'm not paying the entire month's bills this time.  Just the stuff that is due in the next coming week. This is the only thing that motivates me right now, even if it's a job I'm not home much: start getting some money back into the bank, not be broke.

Oh well.  This is the life I chose, long ago, now I have to live with it.  Should have just gone to school when I thought about doing it.  Not sure if it would have paid off tho. And the vast amount of money it costs to go school.  I'm really going to have to spend some time in prayer about what I should be doing at this time in my life versus what I am doing with it.  I've always works, but I also worked for free on the mission field and tho I didn't come out of it with money, I have never regretted it. I would love to be involved with a relief agency that goes to the points of natural or man made disasters where they occur. 

I'm kinda curious how that works in the federal government.  Or even in organizations such as the Red Cross or Salvation Army.  But there are so many of those types of organizations out of there.  Wouldn't it be great to do something you like and get paid for it?

Ahh, whatever.  Just kinda feel like I'm wasting my life away just to earn money.  There is more to it than that, yet I can't seem to find my niche in how about getting that done - doing something I like while getting paid for it.  Trucking is just a grind.  One place to another to another.  It can pay well but it's a pretty pathetic existence. 

Just like facing tonight at 2:30 am, having to get up, get in the thing, go hook it up to the trailer and head out on the open road in the dark.  It was the only load they had for me over here to pick up and deliver, I really had no choice but to take it.  Night driving is not my forte.

Well whatever. I'm getting close to done, finally, with truck stuff. Just washing sheets, put them on the bed in the thing, get my clothes packed and get ready.  Take the rest of the day off, go to bed early.