Friday - night

I started early today.  Got up, sat down with mom at the kitchen table, chatted a bit, drank some coffee. I knew this was going to be hard, but it was time to go.  I took her second and last vehicle.  I didn't ask for this vehicle, btw, I didn't even know she was considering that until she asked me if I wanted it.  A truck with 53,000 on it that's loaded for it's year and is in excellent condition? For free? And knowing it's mom's truck. She loves this thing - loved.  I feel so bad for her.  I know she's very old and it was very responsible for her to give up her driving privileges knowing that she basically was posing a threat to other motorists with her vision problems - but in our currently reality? 

Not having the freedom to go wherever you want to when you want to after living a life of doing so is a hard thing to digest. The flip side is Uber/Lyft are quite abundant out there. But yes, you give up a freedom that you might take for granted until it's gone. Seeing that truck - it was really something to her - backing out of that driveway and seeing her face? I started crying. She's my mom.  It's one of the few reasons I want to live there, I would be over there all the time asking what she wants, what she needs, do you need to go anywhere? 

I knew this would be hard but knowing it didn't make it any easier.  I have mom's truck she's had it since she bought it new in 2008 and I will never sell it. It's in excellent condition, as noted driving it 700 miles today and it will be around a long time before it's ready to be smelted and made into something else.  I lost everything I had in a house fire in 2004, things from my grandma that are absolutely irreplaceable, things I wish I still had.  You get mom's truck? You aren't getting rid of it. Sentimental value, memories, things that are irreplaceable.  

So it was a bit of an emotional departure this morning.  

Anyway, I got 700 miles covered and I called this right.  I reserved the room at this Residence Inn yesterday figuring I would want to stop at the 700 mile mark and I was definitely right about that. I was more than ready to stop driving when I got here.  And I was very glad that the points actually worked, my name was in their system and I didn't have to show them anything beyond giving a credit card for "incidentals".  

I just want to go back again, not a year from now, but during winter.  It was just unbearable for me.  I don't care how hot it is outside as long as you can go inside and cool off.  I don't even know if it's going to be better at her place in the winter, she probably turns the heat on when the heat is not called for?  But there is a remedy for that. Close the outlet on the ceiling and open the window. 

It was a sign for me that I did the right thing when I booked this room: I walked in here and the thermostat was set at 65 degrees. I probably could have driven the other 500 miles out, miserable, get it over with, blah blah blah type of mentality, screw that.  

I didn't sleep well last night. I haven't slept well since I got there. I am not trying to find fault with mom, I just can't sleep in conditions that resemble being outside in blazing heat.  And she really needs to replace her bed mattress. I do not want her bedroom  but she always insists I take it.  She's a very wonderful person and no one could ever tell me differently.  I sent her flowers after I left : )  

I have had people telling me I should just stay at a hotel when I come to town. And do what?  Offend my mom?  Her place isn't good enough for me? She lives for family.  I'll lie in coals before I do that. I might say something about it on my blog but in real life, I would just deal with it.  

She sent me off with a cooler full of food. Sandwiches, oranges, a plastic baggies full of banana nut biscuits - do you understand?  She is very precious to me and I do not want to offend her and I definitely ate a lot of that food today.  So, as long as she is among the living, I will stay there when I come and even tho there won't be a vehicle to drive, it will be good.  Uber/Lyft. They are abundant out there.  

I'm tired.  It's getting late. I'm going to bed.