Every passing day is getting much better.
There's one thing that is definitely true about grief: You do NOT want it to go on forever.
It is far more draining than most things that come at you in life.
I got off work today and went to the pound.
I could not believe how many Pit Bulls or Pit Bull mixes were in there. I'm guessing 75% of the dogs in that place. I have absolutely no inclination, whatsoever, to have a dog that has any Pit Bull at all in it.
I don't care about the so-called experts statements that they are not a bad breed, it is THE breed I read about that kills it's own human family members and basically mauls people to death. I don't really like the way they look, anyway.
There was only one, single dog in the entire place that had any allure to me, but, it wasn't really what I was looking for, so I passed on all of them. I had an excuse to go in there: had to pay the Dane's license fees, which were already overdue. Allegedly, if my dogs get out and they have current, paid-up tags and Animal Control catches them, they will try to bring them back to your house, first, before taking them into the pound.
I also slept pretty well last night, which was a big help today.
Anyway, I just bridged a big hurdle- something I couldn't even get myself to do on Sunday, and that is go out front and water the plants. Coco would always be out there with me, always. I decided to let the Danes come out there and help me along with this..........but it wasn't too terribly tough anyway and those Danes are always getting in the way of things.............lol.
Well, I'm a bit tired but I think I am going to force myself to go to the small groups tonight, anyway. It'll make me that more tired and ready to go to sleep when I get home, starts in 55 minutes.
Later.
ben
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Monday, March 5, 2012
It Caught Up To Me
The extreme fatigue, that is.
I was dragging through the day today. The weeks of dealing with Coco and all that went into that - well it's over but the fatigue is not.
It was good, however, to go to work today and get my mind off of the whole situation, which in turn helped me when I got home. It usually doesn't take me very long to get over a dog, though I will never forget her of course, the emotion at least tends to dissipate quickly.
I miss her, but the grief is starting to come to a much lower dial tone at this point and that is a good thing.
I had even started to think of possibly getting another dog of the same or close to the same breed. Catahoulas are extremely intelligent dogs and I would like to have another one.
But it might be a bit soon for that, no hurry in that department. At the same time, they are killing dogs all over the place, especially in Maricopa County, every day, because there are more dogs up for adoption than there are homes to adopt them out to. I got Coco and the 2 Danes off of Craigslist, but I got the little Chihuahua for Mark and Lynnette out of the pound - and that is definitely their doggy. It mostly stays in their bedroom all day long and has never been encouraged to become a part of the rest of the pack in this house, at all. Their doings, not mine.
So, who knows. I haven't had a puppy in decades - always just get already grown-dogs.
Umm, well whatever. Have to be at work early tomorrow, but only half an hour early. Just gonna go to bed at the normal time and hope that I can get enough sleep to make it through tomorrow.
ben
I was dragging through the day today. The weeks of dealing with Coco and all that went into that - well it's over but the fatigue is not.
It was good, however, to go to work today and get my mind off of the whole situation, which in turn helped me when I got home. It usually doesn't take me very long to get over a dog, though I will never forget her of course, the emotion at least tends to dissipate quickly.
I miss her, but the grief is starting to come to a much lower dial tone at this point and that is a good thing.
I had even started to think of possibly getting another dog of the same or close to the same breed. Catahoulas are extremely intelligent dogs and I would like to have another one.
But it might be a bit soon for that, no hurry in that department. At the same time, they are killing dogs all over the place, especially in Maricopa County, every day, because there are more dogs up for adoption than there are homes to adopt them out to. I got Coco and the 2 Danes off of Craigslist, but I got the little Chihuahua for Mark and Lynnette out of the pound - and that is definitely their doggy. It mostly stays in their bedroom all day long and has never been encouraged to become a part of the rest of the pack in this house, at all. Their doings, not mine.
So, who knows. I haven't had a puppy in decades - always just get already grown-dogs.
Umm, well whatever. Have to be at work early tomorrow, but only half an hour early. Just gonna go to bed at the normal time and hope that I can get enough sleep to make it through tomorrow.
ben
Monday (whatever date it is)
I didn't sleep well last night.
Went to bed at 8, woke up around 1:30 and never got back to sleep.
I should have just gotten up and done something to make me sleepy, but I didn't.
I guess I won't go into all the thoughts. I called my mom yesterday to tell her that Coco
has passed, thinking I was going to be able to have a conversation about it, but I quickly
found myself breaking down again and realizing just give it a few more days or so and this
will pass. Perhaps those images of her death won't pass so quickly, though.
Going into work today might be a bit rough. I've been off for 3 days - I took a vacation
day on Friday, but I will call it anything but a vacation. When I first started this process of
getting that travel trailer to go up to the mountains, speaking of vacationing, it was with all
these dogs in mind, especially Coco.
Perhaps a little time will change it, but now it seems a moot point. You know, running around in the
woods and having a grand ole time.
I probably should just shut up at this point, I have nothing positive to say, my thoughts are bleak.
ben
Went to bed at 8, woke up around 1:30 and never got back to sleep.
I should have just gotten up and done something to make me sleepy, but I didn't.
I guess I won't go into all the thoughts. I called my mom yesterday to tell her that Coco
has passed, thinking I was going to be able to have a conversation about it, but I quickly
found myself breaking down again and realizing just give it a few more days or so and this
will pass. Perhaps those images of her death won't pass so quickly, though.
Going into work today might be a bit rough. I've been off for 3 days - I took a vacation
day on Friday, but I will call it anything but a vacation. When I first started this process of
getting that travel trailer to go up to the mountains, speaking of vacationing, it was with all
these dogs in mind, especially Coco.
Perhaps a little time will change it, but now it seems a moot point. You know, running around in the
woods and having a grand ole time.
I probably should just shut up at this point, I have nothing positive to say, my thoughts are bleak.
ben
Sunday, March 4, 2012
I have to vent this, because it is a sight that will never leave me.
Coco was supposed to just pass out and that would be the end of it.
A little muscle twitching would occur after she passed.
The vet did not give her enough of the fluid.
She was on the stretcher, upright.
When the fluid hit her, she laid down, so to speak.
I was looking into her eyes and telling her how much I loved her.
Then there was a bit of twitching, which was expected.
A few more seconds.
Her gaze was fixed on me.
Then, violent, extreme body convulsions.
Her mouth opened wide and she let out shreiks.
Twice.
The vet pulled out another syringe and injected it into her: "Oh, I better give her more".
This will never leave me and this is what is causing me more grief than anything, that
my dog suffered, that what was "supposed" to happen, didn't.
Coco was supposed to just pass out and that would be the end of it.
A little muscle twitching would occur after she passed.
The vet did not give her enough of the fluid.
She was on the stretcher, upright.
When the fluid hit her, she laid down, so to speak.
I was looking into her eyes and telling her how much I loved her.
Then there was a bit of twitching, which was expected.
A few more seconds.
Her gaze was fixed on me.
Then, violent, extreme body convulsions.
Her mouth opened wide and she let out shreiks.
Twice.
The vet pulled out another syringe and injected it into her: "Oh, I better give her more".
This will never leave me and this is what is causing me more grief than anything, that
my dog suffered, that what was "supposed" to happen, didn't.
Sunday
I wrote my pastor last night telling him I probably wouldn't be in church today because of my dog's passing.
I'm still a bit of a train wreck here, I am going to miss that dog terribly.
He wrote back and told me how he had to put his Golden Retriever down a few years back and that it was one of the hardest things he had ever had to do - and then told me he would see me in church tomorrow, which is now today of course. Maybe, maybe I will go, but I woke up this morning, looked over at her empty bed and started all over again. I don't really like showing that kind of emotion in front of people, going to church may be a bit much.
I was thinking about the drive to the animal hospital last night. I remembered thinking: if they tell me I have to put that dog down, I am not ready for that. I can't do that today. The whole situation changed in that little room, with her laying there, breathing semi-heavy - apparently she had fluid around the lungs as well according to their ultrasound - just laying there. I have been fighting for this dog's life for 2-1/2 weeks now and when the conversation came up about putting her down, my mind changed at that point.
How much longer am I going to go through this mental draining? Feeding her with a turkey baster and attempting to get fluids down her throat and worrying about her while I was at work and seeing her yesterday - barely able to walk. It was the right thing to do, yes, but that doesn't make it somehow easier. But it was time, she wouldn't have lasted much longer, anyway. I was a bit surprised that my crying - I couldn't contain it in that room - was getting the doc teary eyed, too. It did make it a little easier that the person that was going to inject the drug into Coco's veins to put an end to her life was not somehow detached and unemotional about the passing of an animal, which many people think is stupid that you would have the same kind of emotional reaction as you might have with the passing of an actual human.
That's it for me today. There isn't really anything else for me to talk about, as I don't really care about anything else right now. I am sure that will change by tomorrow or soon enough, but for today, I am going to get up the pics of my dog and remember the good times that we had.
Editing this one: They had all these options of what to do with the body. Euthanasia and take the body home - no thanks. The ground around here is too rocky, it would take days to dig a hole that deep. Cremate - but don't get the ashes. I thought about them taking my dog's body and throwing it into a trash can or cremating her body and doing the same thing. No, not this time. Cremate and get the ashes in an urn - with urns apparently going up and up in price. Thanks, I'll take the plastic container one. I don't want to KEEP her ashes, I just don't want them ending up in a landfill somewhere. She loved the great outdoors and that's where those ashes will go. I will take them up to the property in the mountains and release them over a portion of the land that is unused and unusable and on the adjacent property - which is the Tonto National Forest. I think that fitting. She absolutely loved it up there, running and follicking around in the woods and having a grand old time.
ben
I'm still a bit of a train wreck here, I am going to miss that dog terribly.
He wrote back and told me how he had to put his Golden Retriever down a few years back and that it was one of the hardest things he had ever had to do - and then told me he would see me in church tomorrow, which is now today of course. Maybe, maybe I will go, but I woke up this morning, looked over at her empty bed and started all over again. I don't really like showing that kind of emotion in front of people, going to church may be a bit much.
I was thinking about the drive to the animal hospital last night. I remembered thinking: if they tell me I have to put that dog down, I am not ready for that. I can't do that today. The whole situation changed in that little room, with her laying there, breathing semi-heavy - apparently she had fluid around the lungs as well according to their ultrasound - just laying there. I have been fighting for this dog's life for 2-1/2 weeks now and when the conversation came up about putting her down, my mind changed at that point.
How much longer am I going to go through this mental draining? Feeding her with a turkey baster and attempting to get fluids down her throat and worrying about her while I was at work and seeing her yesterday - barely able to walk. It was the right thing to do, yes, but that doesn't make it somehow easier. But it was time, she wouldn't have lasted much longer, anyway. I was a bit surprised that my crying - I couldn't contain it in that room - was getting the doc teary eyed, too. It did make it a little easier that the person that was going to inject the drug into Coco's veins to put an end to her life was not somehow detached and unemotional about the passing of an animal, which many people think is stupid that you would have the same kind of emotional reaction as you might have with the passing of an actual human.
That's it for me today. There isn't really anything else for me to talk about, as I don't really care about anything else right now. I am sure that will change by tomorrow or soon enough, but for today, I am going to get up the pics of my dog and remember the good times that we had.
Editing this one: They had all these options of what to do with the body. Euthanasia and take the body home - no thanks. The ground around here is too rocky, it would take days to dig a hole that deep. Cremate - but don't get the ashes. I thought about them taking my dog's body and throwing it into a trash can or cremating her body and doing the same thing. No, not this time. Cremate and get the ashes in an urn - with urns apparently going up and up in price. Thanks, I'll take the plastic container one. I don't want to KEEP her ashes, I just don't want them ending up in a landfill somewhere. She loved the great outdoors and that's where those ashes will go. I will take them up to the property in the mountains and release them over a portion of the land that is unused and unusable and on the adjacent property - which is the Tonto National Forest. I think that fitting. She absolutely loved it up there, running and follicking around in the woods and having a grand old time.
ben
Saturday, March 3, 2012
Coco
My beautiful Great Dane/Catahoula mix was put down at 8:38 pm today, 32 minutes ago.
I had been attempting to prepare myself for this for the last few days now.
I know the sight of a dog that is at their last, and she was definitely there.
She was so weak today that she could barely get up and she could hardly walk, bumping
against the walls as she tried to get outside to urinate. That was it, I took her to an animal
hospital in Gilbert, AZ for one, last, final attempt.
But as I was driving there, I had the gut feeling that this wasn't going to end well. I've
been a dog owner all my life and I have been down this road several times now.
The vet had taken a sample out of her belly, which was huge. She said that it was fluid
from her belly and went down a rather short list of things that it could be. Heart disease,
cancer, a few other things.
When she came back with an estimate of how much it would cost just to try and find out
what was wrong with her - $1,686.00 - well that was the last straw. I don't have that kind of
money to fork out on a dog. We had a frank discussion and then I started crying. When they
brought her into the room I was in, I then started balling. They left me alone with her after
I had made the decision that it was time for her to be put down and I just cried while stroking
her soft, furry coat.
I wanted to be there for her passing, that she wouldn't die looking into the eyes of a stranger.
So I stayed. She pulled out the syringe, they already had the thing in her vein, I was speaking softly
into my dog's ear and stroking her head, giving her a kiss here and there, saying goodbye to her.
She passed in front of me.
She was one of the best dogs that I have ever had. She was so incredibly smart, agile, full of life and
energy. Loyal, she would follow me everywhere. I may still have 2 other Great Danes here, but it is
going to take a while to get used to coming home and not having her jumping up and down, making the
noise she made, greeting me and leading the way to the door.
She had been rejected by 4 families, being carted around on Craigslist when I first got her. She had such
separation anxiety that she would do anything to get out of the yard when I would leave. 2 weeks after
I brought her home, my house burned down, but I was able to find a place to live that would take a dog
that large.
Over time, she got over the separation issue and was fully content to let me go in the mornings when I headed off to work because she knew I would be coming home later.
I will miss her, dearly.
Bye, Coco, I love you sweety.
ben
I had been attempting to prepare myself for this for the last few days now.
I know the sight of a dog that is at their last, and she was definitely there.
She was so weak today that she could barely get up and she could hardly walk, bumping
against the walls as she tried to get outside to urinate. That was it, I took her to an animal
hospital in Gilbert, AZ for one, last, final attempt.
But as I was driving there, I had the gut feeling that this wasn't going to end well. I've
been a dog owner all my life and I have been down this road several times now.
The vet had taken a sample out of her belly, which was huge. She said that it was fluid
from her belly and went down a rather short list of things that it could be. Heart disease,
cancer, a few other things.
When she came back with an estimate of how much it would cost just to try and find out
what was wrong with her - $1,686.00 - well that was the last straw. I don't have that kind of
money to fork out on a dog. We had a frank discussion and then I started crying. When they
brought her into the room I was in, I then started balling. They left me alone with her after
I had made the decision that it was time for her to be put down and I just cried while stroking
her soft, furry coat.
I wanted to be there for her passing, that she wouldn't die looking into the eyes of a stranger.
So I stayed. She pulled out the syringe, they already had the thing in her vein, I was speaking softly
into my dog's ear and stroking her head, giving her a kiss here and there, saying goodbye to her.
She passed in front of me.
She was one of the best dogs that I have ever had. She was so incredibly smart, agile, full of life and
energy. Loyal, she would follow me everywhere. I may still have 2 other Great Danes here, but it is
going to take a while to get used to coming home and not having her jumping up and down, making the
noise she made, greeting me and leading the way to the door.
She had been rejected by 4 families, being carted around on Craigslist when I first got her. She had such
separation anxiety that she would do anything to get out of the yard when I would leave. 2 weeks after
I brought her home, my house burned down, but I was able to find a place to live that would take a dog
that large.
Over time, she got over the separation issue and was fully content to let me go in the mornings when I headed off to work because she knew I would be coming home later.
I will miss her, dearly.
Bye, Coco, I love you sweety.
ben
Saturday 3/3/2012
I have no idea where this situation with Coco is going. I'm still hoping for the best, but she doesn't appear to be getting any better. I just don't know if she's getting better or not is the point. Yesterday, after force feeding her, she later threw it up - like about 3 hours later.
That was not a good sign. At the same time, though, she is drinking plenty of water on her own. Plus, the stuff I had force fed her with may not necessarily be a "bland" diet type of thing and I am resorting back to nothing but chicken and rice.
Though, this morning, I did give her a bottle of ensure. That stuff is racked full of all kinds of good stuff that, if she can keep it down, would help her a bit to regain her strength.
I'm kinda wondering, though, at this point, if the doc might not have missed something on those x-rays he took. At the same time, she was pissing out solid blood and though I occasionally see some spotting here and there, that is mostly back to what it is supposed to be. I will be checking on that today. So, I don't really know. The whole situation is in limbo. Continue to give her the strong antibiotics and hope that it will take it's course and have it's way on whatever's going on in there.
One thing's for sure, I can't afford another vet visit. Maybe just a visit for a checkup - I think that's $45 - but any x-rays or blood panels or whatever else is simply out of the question. He's a very experienced, long-time vet who I think, anyway, knows what he is doing. He has been running that place for quite a long time. I'm just trying to reassure myself that I took the dog to the right place and that a good prognosis has been made and that she is going to get better. What else CAN I do?
Pray. Yes, I have been praying over her. God created all things, including dogs. He can fix her and I am standing in faith and asking the Lord to do exactly that. Sound crazy? Maybe, but I don't see anywhere in the scripture that forbids me to pray for animals so therefore, that's exactly what I am doing. I have nothing else left to do besides sit here and hope and pray. She was up several times last night - I leave my door ajar so she can get out. She goes outside, pisses and then drinks more water. She finally came back in on her own last night on the second trip, for whatever reason she hasn't even been coming back into the house until I go out there and invite her to come in.
Whatever the case, I cannot continue like this forever. The dog just needs to heal and get it over with, I am not going to even speak the other side of that coin as I believe in the power of the spoken word, so I will speak life over her, not the other alternative.
It's Saturday, so I will probably try to get some stuff done around the house today as I normally do on Saturdays, but this situation is beginning to wear me down. I really don't even think she would be alive right now if I hadn't started force feeding her. She still won't even think about eating and she tries to clamp her mouth shut when I do the turkey baster routine - but - it's solid plastic and very long and makes it's way into her mouth regardless of whether she likes it or not. In a couple of hours, I am going to give her another half bottle of Ensure and then a little later even more. After that, this evening, I will try giving her a smaller dose of the concoction I have been blending up and hope that she can keep it down.
The only other thing that I have "pressing" on me today is to spend time in the Word and seek the Lord.
Later.
ben
That was not a good sign. At the same time, though, she is drinking plenty of water on her own. Plus, the stuff I had force fed her with may not necessarily be a "bland" diet type of thing and I am resorting back to nothing but chicken and rice.
Though, this morning, I did give her a bottle of ensure. That stuff is racked full of all kinds of good stuff that, if she can keep it down, would help her a bit to regain her strength.
I'm kinda wondering, though, at this point, if the doc might not have missed something on those x-rays he took. At the same time, she was pissing out solid blood and though I occasionally see some spotting here and there, that is mostly back to what it is supposed to be. I will be checking on that today. So, I don't really know. The whole situation is in limbo. Continue to give her the strong antibiotics and hope that it will take it's course and have it's way on whatever's going on in there.
One thing's for sure, I can't afford another vet visit. Maybe just a visit for a checkup - I think that's $45 - but any x-rays or blood panels or whatever else is simply out of the question. He's a very experienced, long-time vet who I think, anyway, knows what he is doing. He has been running that place for quite a long time. I'm just trying to reassure myself that I took the dog to the right place and that a good prognosis has been made and that she is going to get better. What else CAN I do?
Pray. Yes, I have been praying over her. God created all things, including dogs. He can fix her and I am standing in faith and asking the Lord to do exactly that. Sound crazy? Maybe, but I don't see anywhere in the scripture that forbids me to pray for animals so therefore, that's exactly what I am doing. I have nothing else left to do besides sit here and hope and pray. She was up several times last night - I leave my door ajar so she can get out. She goes outside, pisses and then drinks more water. She finally came back in on her own last night on the second trip, for whatever reason she hasn't even been coming back into the house until I go out there and invite her to come in.
Whatever the case, I cannot continue like this forever. The dog just needs to heal and get it over with, I am not going to even speak the other side of that coin as I believe in the power of the spoken word, so I will speak life over her, not the other alternative.
It's Saturday, so I will probably try to get some stuff done around the house today as I normally do on Saturdays, but this situation is beginning to wear me down. I really don't even think she would be alive right now if I hadn't started force feeding her. She still won't even think about eating and she tries to clamp her mouth shut when I do the turkey baster routine - but - it's solid plastic and very long and makes it's way into her mouth regardless of whether she likes it or not. In a couple of hours, I am going to give her another half bottle of Ensure and then a little later even more. After that, this evening, I will try giving her a smaller dose of the concoction I have been blending up and hope that she can keep it down.
The only other thing that I have "pressing" on me today is to spend time in the Word and seek the Lord.
Later.
ben
Friday, March 2, 2012
Friday 3/2/2012
My internet speed is down AGAIN. I continue to have to call Qwest/CenturySucks to get it fixed. Today, I called corporate. I asked the executive whatever dude to look at how many times I have had to call for this same issue, over and over. Wow, he states, several times in the last MONTH alone! Yes, but your company thinks it's perfectly acceptable that "well all you have to do when it's doing that is call in", as if I WANT to have to call in several times a month.
I then ask about the reduced rate internet service that is guaranteed price with no contract for 5 years. Yes, he states, but you have internet only, you don't have phone service with us. To get that promotion, you have to get a home phone line as well. I told him the reason WHY I got rid of their home phone service: it didn't work, either and I continuously had to call them to come out and "repair" it, which never lasted very long and then, kablaam, right back a square one.
Oh. He then starts talking about how he COULD offer me a reduced rate, but I would have to agree to a 1 year contract. I never heard with the reduced rate was, because I couldn't believe he was asking me to sign a contract for service that barely works! FIX THE SERVICE and then we'll talk about contracts with reduced rates, was my reply. Why haven't I already switched over to another company as I stated I was going to before?
2 reasons. First I haven't had the time and second because I really don't have "spare" money right now to buy another modem. Cox makes you either buy their modem or you can go buy your own, but you also have to buy a separate router. The Century Link Motorola 3347 is a modem and router combined together. When the service works, it works really well. Well, he says, I can have a level 2 service technician call you back and try to deal with this situation. Okay, whatever. At least I was able to bypass all that Philippines junk some extremely calloused, indifferent people who could care less whether your service works or not.
But, for yucks, I am going to call Cox today and see if I can get any better deal than what they have offered me. They will give a new modem for free, I think, if you bundle service with them, ie: internet and cable. Not interested in their cable. If I am going up to the mountains this summer, I want the option of having tv up there. I don't watch that much, but I do watch some tv. Cox cable ain't running through there and the only option is satellite. I am considering switching to Dish Network, though. I am sick of paying extremely high monthly bill for satellite TV just because Direct TV thinks I should. I have to go to extreme measures - frequently enough - to get the discounts I am getting renewed. They are now telling me that regardless, I am going to be paying an extra almost $5 per month because they are raising their rates.
Cox is, as usual, immovable in their rates. You either get extremely slow connection at 3mpbs or you jump to 18mpbs at $53.95 per month - there is no speed rate service in between. Just got done with a live chat agent and they told me oh well, no biggies after I stated that if you couldn't offer something in between, I would not be doing business with your company. I could call them and ask for something better, but something tells me it would be a complete waste of time. I will either have to live with the service I have or pay mores to Cox. I would like my monthly expenses to go DOWN, not up, thanks. I'm not sure Dish Network is going to be all that much better priced, either, but I am going to check it out.
________________________________
Rather long interlude. A higher level service manager called and has already set up for a technician to come out - today actually. He stated if the tech needed to, he would replace the modem with a newer one. ????? This is the umpteenth time I've heard differing statements on this particular modem I have. One person telling me it's a newer model, another telling me it's an older model. This guy specifically stated it's about 3 to 4 year old technology and there is a better modem available. So, definitely give this a shot is all I can say about it. I hate Cox anyway, more than I had Century Link. I could go into the "service" I once had with them and all of that, but it would take too long and I have already done that on this journal sometime in the past.
_____________________________________
Another long interlude. The vet called. He was asking for a person named Allen. Dunno anyone by that name, are you with Qwest (hard to remember that they have changed their name to Century Link). No, this is so and so with the animal clinic. Oh, hey doc, this ben b that brought in coco. We chatted a few minutes - he was starting to talk about MRI's and this and that. I said no, can't do that. We're going to continue to give her those antibiotics and hope for the best. If there is something more serious such as cancer (he came up with all kinds of stuff), then at some point I would have to consider putting her down. But I am not even close to that point yet, it's only 3 days into the antibiotics and considering she was bleeding profusely just 2 days ago, I would expect that this problem still has some time to heal before we go to any "next" phase, of which I cannot afford anyway. So that was it, I told him I was force feeding her and about how she was so weak the other day she could barely walk - wanted to see what his reaction to the force feeding was. No problem with it at all and encouraged me to continue doing so. Yes, well I have already done that today and will do it again later on. Twice a day with as much calories and protein and all the stuff in it that I am putting in there should be very good for at least getting some of her energy back. I am going up to the store in a bit and get some Ensure and buy some more chicken. I am also going to cook a pot of rice - over cook it so it gets mushy. That way, I can blend it to a much finer consistency than what the other rice was doing. It was clogging up the turkey baster and making it hard to get much in there.
I did no rice this morning and the liquid was easily filling up the baster. Takes much less time to get the stuff down her throat that way. The thing that is at least somewhat good is that she isn't putting up a fight when I am doing this baster routine. She is sometimes clenching her jaw shut, but that's not bad compared to what I was expecting: her attempting to run away and having to hold her down to do it. No, she isn't doing that at all. She just lays there and lets me do it.
I then ask about the reduced rate internet service that is guaranteed price with no contract for 5 years. Yes, he states, but you have internet only, you don't have phone service with us. To get that promotion, you have to get a home phone line as well. I told him the reason WHY I got rid of their home phone service: it didn't work, either and I continuously had to call them to come out and "repair" it, which never lasted very long and then, kablaam, right back a square one.
Oh. He then starts talking about how he COULD offer me a reduced rate, but I would have to agree to a 1 year contract. I never heard with the reduced rate was, because I couldn't believe he was asking me to sign a contract for service that barely works! FIX THE SERVICE and then we'll talk about contracts with reduced rates, was my reply. Why haven't I already switched over to another company as I stated I was going to before?
2 reasons. First I haven't had the time and second because I really don't have "spare" money right now to buy another modem. Cox makes you either buy their modem or you can go buy your own, but you also have to buy a separate router. The Century Link Motorola 3347 is a modem and router combined together. When the service works, it works really well. Well, he says, I can have a level 2 service technician call you back and try to deal with this situation. Okay, whatever. At least I was able to bypass all that Philippines junk some extremely calloused, indifferent people who could care less whether your service works or not.
But, for yucks, I am going to call Cox today and see if I can get any better deal than what they have offered me. They will give a new modem for free, I think, if you bundle service with them, ie: internet and cable. Not interested in their cable. If I am going up to the mountains this summer, I want the option of having tv up there. I don't watch that much, but I do watch some tv. Cox cable ain't running through there and the only option is satellite. I am considering switching to Dish Network, though. I am sick of paying extremely high monthly bill for satellite TV just because Direct TV thinks I should. I have to go to extreme measures - frequently enough - to get the discounts I am getting renewed. They are now telling me that regardless, I am going to be paying an extra almost $5 per month because they are raising their rates.
Cox is, as usual, immovable in their rates. You either get extremely slow connection at 3mpbs or you jump to 18mpbs at $53.95 per month - there is no speed rate service in between. Just got done with a live chat agent and they told me oh well, no biggies after I stated that if you couldn't offer something in between, I would not be doing business with your company. I could call them and ask for something better, but something tells me it would be a complete waste of time. I will either have to live with the service I have or pay mores to Cox. I would like my monthly expenses to go DOWN, not up, thanks. I'm not sure Dish Network is going to be all that much better priced, either, but I am going to check it out.
________________________________
Rather long interlude. A higher level service manager called and has already set up for a technician to come out - today actually. He stated if the tech needed to, he would replace the modem with a newer one. ????? This is the umpteenth time I've heard differing statements on this particular modem I have. One person telling me it's a newer model, another telling me it's an older model. This guy specifically stated it's about 3 to 4 year old technology and there is a better modem available. So, definitely give this a shot is all I can say about it. I hate Cox anyway, more than I had Century Link. I could go into the "service" I once had with them and all of that, but it would take too long and I have already done that on this journal sometime in the past.
_____________________________________
Another long interlude. The vet called. He was asking for a person named Allen. Dunno anyone by that name, are you with Qwest (hard to remember that they have changed their name to Century Link). No, this is so and so with the animal clinic. Oh, hey doc, this ben b that brought in coco. We chatted a few minutes - he was starting to talk about MRI's and this and that. I said no, can't do that. We're going to continue to give her those antibiotics and hope for the best. If there is something more serious such as cancer (he came up with all kinds of stuff), then at some point I would have to consider putting her down. But I am not even close to that point yet, it's only 3 days into the antibiotics and considering she was bleeding profusely just 2 days ago, I would expect that this problem still has some time to heal before we go to any "next" phase, of which I cannot afford anyway. So that was it, I told him I was force feeding her and about how she was so weak the other day she could barely walk - wanted to see what his reaction to the force feeding was. No problem with it at all and encouraged me to continue doing so. Yes, well I have already done that today and will do it again later on. Twice a day with as much calories and protein and all the stuff in it that I am putting in there should be very good for at least getting some of her energy back. I am going up to the store in a bit and get some Ensure and buy some more chicken. I am also going to cook a pot of rice - over cook it so it gets mushy. That way, I can blend it to a much finer consistency than what the other rice was doing. It was clogging up the turkey baster and making it hard to get much in there.
I did no rice this morning and the liquid was easily filling up the baster. Takes much less time to get the stuff down her throat that way. The thing that is at least somewhat good is that she isn't putting up a fight when I am doing this baster routine. She is sometimes clenching her jaw shut, but that's not bad compared to what I was expecting: her attempting to run away and having to hold her down to do it. No, she isn't doing that at all. She just lays there and lets me do it.
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Is There Anyone That Doesn't Do Twitter?
The answer is yes. I know this for a fact that at least one person in the United States does not visit twitter, does not go to movie stars Twitter accounts and google and ga or make profane statements or otherwise. The reason I know this? That person happens to be me. I think I started an account there, moved around, did the rounds, hated it. Boring. Stupid. Egotistical. A bunch more adjectives. Who cares? I hear birds tweeting around here all the time, that's enough twittering for me, thanks and I like to listen to the birds tweets, I really could care less about the internet version of it.
Why say that? It's EVERYWHERE, ALL the time. In the news, in the mail, on your facebook wall, you can't get away from it, yet, I NEVER go there!! My life is not in danger of being ended because I don't do Twitter. I blog here, I occasionally write on Facebook, I do Yelp here and there, a few other things I have been affiliated with for years and years concerning trucking. But Twitter? Can disappear off the face of the cyber earth and I wouldn't be affected one way or the other, at all. Yes, I do all kinds of READING all over the internet, Twitter NOT included, I was just elucidating on the places I do write.
I hear too much about tweeting and what people say that gets in the news is mostly stupid, insulting or otherwise offensive.
Enough. I decided against giving Coco more force-fed food for today. I gave her a lot earlier and I figure I am doing good to get that much in her and get it digested without any problems. Instead, I will do it again tomorrow morning and then again tomorrow evening - provided, of course, that she doesn't start eating on her own. But, since she is taking the liquid food and not vomiting it up, I am resolved to do this as long as it takes. Another day, another week, a month.
Well anyway, I have 3 days off and I am going to rest. In fact, I am going to bed as early tonight as if I had to go to get up early for work tomorrow, which I don't have to do but definitely am headed there in a few minutes.
Later.
Why say that? It's EVERYWHERE, ALL the time. In the news, in the mail, on your facebook wall, you can't get away from it, yet, I NEVER go there!! My life is not in danger of being ended because I don't do Twitter. I blog here, I occasionally write on Facebook, I do Yelp here and there, a few other things I have been affiliated with for years and years concerning trucking. But Twitter? Can disappear off the face of the cyber earth and I wouldn't be affected one way or the other, at all. Yes, I do all kinds of READING all over the internet, Twitter NOT included, I was just elucidating on the places I do write.
I hear too much about tweeting and what people say that gets in the news is mostly stupid, insulting or otherwise offensive.
Enough. I decided against giving Coco more force-fed food for today. I gave her a lot earlier and I figure I am doing good to get that much in her and get it digested without any problems. Instead, I will do it again tomorrow morning and then again tomorrow evening - provided, of course, that she doesn't start eating on her own. But, since she is taking the liquid food and not vomiting it up, I am resolved to do this as long as it takes. Another day, another week, a month.
Well anyway, I have 3 days off and I am going to rest. In fact, I am going to bed as early tonight as if I had to go to get up early for work tomorrow, which I don't have to do but definitely am headed there in a few minutes.
Later.
Thursday 3/1/2012
I am, allegedly, getting tomorrow off. I had asked for a day off because my vacation hours accrue to a maximum of 80 and after that, you don't get anymore until you use some of them up. Well, I am approaching 80 hours and I didn't want to lose any of it.
Turns out, it is coming at just the right time. I wish I didn't have to work today, I would just sit around here and give that dog some liquid food throughout the day whether she wants it or not. We're only at Thursday, but I am completely drained. Between the huge orders at work that I have been cranking out - pulling, palletizing, shrink-wrapping, loading on the truck, etc etc etc and this situation with the dog plus getting some kind of coughing situation - which amazing already seems to be subsiding - I am out of it. It will take everything in me to get through this day of work and get home and then - have to deal with this dog.
As for work, 2 of us cranked out over $200k worth of deliveries in 2 days time. That's a lot of material for a 2 man crew without any more help than - no other help, actually. We didn't catch a break in maybe a salesman helping or whatever, it was all on us. Sometimes a salesman will help us do smaller deliveries while I concentrate on the semi-load worth of stuff. Sometimes they will send over a person from the main branch to help out even if for only half a day. Well, they did send someone over yesterday but that was too late, we had already done all the work, he did a bunch of clean-up- which is nice, but all of this is taking it's toll on me.
The dog has stopped the constant dribbling of blood altogether at this point. So, the antibiotics are at least working in that department, which is great, but she still won't eat a bite of food. It doesn't really add up that I can force food down her throat - and she doesn't reject it/vomit it up. That would suggest to me that she could eat if she wanted to. Has she given up? Does she not want to live? Is there something else going on? I have no answers for any of that, the only thing I can say is that I do not have any more money for vet visits and whatever happens, happens.
My mother called me yesterday after I had sent her an email letting her know what's going on with Coco - but I had sent that email before the situation had deteriorated substantially. When I told her what was going on, she about started crying on the phone - she is also a big-time dog lover.
Well, get on my "happy-face" and go to work in a few minutes. At least today I didn't have to go in early - 3 days in a row I had to show up extra early because of all of this stuff going on. There are deliveries for today - which haven't been pulled yet meaning out there in the dark and cold attempting to get something done that I am, quite admittedly, dragging my feet on - but it will get done and that will be the end of it.
Later.
Turns out, it is coming at just the right time. I wish I didn't have to work today, I would just sit around here and give that dog some liquid food throughout the day whether she wants it or not. We're only at Thursday, but I am completely drained. Between the huge orders at work that I have been cranking out - pulling, palletizing, shrink-wrapping, loading on the truck, etc etc etc and this situation with the dog plus getting some kind of coughing situation - which amazing already seems to be subsiding - I am out of it. It will take everything in me to get through this day of work and get home and then - have to deal with this dog.
As for work, 2 of us cranked out over $200k worth of deliveries in 2 days time. That's a lot of material for a 2 man crew without any more help than - no other help, actually. We didn't catch a break in maybe a salesman helping or whatever, it was all on us. Sometimes a salesman will help us do smaller deliveries while I concentrate on the semi-load worth of stuff. Sometimes they will send over a person from the main branch to help out even if for only half a day. Well, they did send someone over yesterday but that was too late, we had already done all the work, he did a bunch of clean-up- which is nice, but all of this is taking it's toll on me.
The dog has stopped the constant dribbling of blood altogether at this point. So, the antibiotics are at least working in that department, which is great, but she still won't eat a bite of food. It doesn't really add up that I can force food down her throat - and she doesn't reject it/vomit it up. That would suggest to me that she could eat if she wanted to. Has she given up? Does she not want to live? Is there something else going on? I have no answers for any of that, the only thing I can say is that I do not have any more money for vet visits and whatever happens, happens.
My mother called me yesterday after I had sent her an email letting her know what's going on with Coco - but I had sent that email before the situation had deteriorated substantially. When I told her what was going on, she about started crying on the phone - she is also a big-time dog lover.
Well, get on my "happy-face" and go to work in a few minutes. At least today I didn't have to go in early - 3 days in a row I had to show up extra early because of all of this stuff going on. There are deliveries for today - which haven't been pulled yet meaning out there in the dark and cold attempting to get something done that I am, quite admittedly, dragging my feet on - but it will get done and that will be the end of it.
Later.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Coco is dying.
I have no other conclusion than that.
I have given her the antibiotics, but it appears it's too little, too late.
She simply refuses to eat anything. When I say anything, I mean chicken, beef, canned dog food, dog biscuits, whatever. I cannot force the dog to eat. She is so weak she can barely walk and at the point she can't walk? That's the end. Dogs that can't get up and move around are dogs that do not live.
It seems unbelievable that I've had that dog to the vet twice and still nothing good has become of it.
She has been starving herself for about 2 weeks now and of course, you can't live forever without eating. She took a LITTLE food yesterday, when I say little I mean like a couple of teaspoons full. After that, she would have none of it. I wish I knew what else I could do for her, but I don't know and I can't continue to ...........
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SNAP OUT OF IT.
Geeze. Sometimes I piss myself off. What can I do. What can I do indeed. Just took a can of beef broth, -poured in into a blender. Took a whole leg of chicken (cooked, of course), tearing off both the skin and meat and dumped it in there. Got some of my chicken and rice casserole that is left over from the other day and dumped that in there as well. Enough chicken and rice to make a good meal for a dog. Turned on the blender and let'er whirl. For quite a while, I wanted it watery in it's substance.
Sure enough, just like water or enough so that a turkey baster easily sucked it up. Poured all of the mixture into a bowl and started force feeding her. Yup, took that baster and shoved it into her mouth and near the back and let'er rip. Holding her head up, she had no choice but to swallow. I emptied that entire bowl into her mouth. Waiting to see if she's going to puke it up or something, but in all of this, puking hasn't really been a factor. It's been 20 minutes and no sign of rejection so far. If she can keep that down, I will do that every day, a couple of times a day until she starts eating on her own.
She is SO terribly thin she looks like death walking. It's extremely saddening to watch your beloved dog wasting away, in pain. The doc said no pain killers because - whatever he said, I didn't really hear it. I was giving her some aspirins but he said no for whatever reason - I think dehydration - but I think I am going to shun that advice as the dog is drinking water, lots of it. No, her problem besides the acute infection is the fact that she hasn't hardly eaten anything in that last 14 days. A few dog biscuits, a bowl of spaghetti one night, but that's it.
It's been an hour now and no sign of vomiting/rejection. She has also perked up quite a lot! Yes. Tomorrow I will be stopping at the grocery store and buying more broth - though probably chicken broth this time and I already have chicken to cook in the freezer, take some of that out tonight to thaw.
____________________________________________
Well, about 2 hours now. I was waiting for the worst, though certainly not hoping for it. Instead, not only has she stomached the liquid food, she also to appears to have stopped dribbling and pissing out bloodied urine.
It is time for me to go to bed. She is in for the night, on her bed and crashed out. Yes, I care for my dogs. Very much so.
ben
I have no other conclusion than that.
I have given her the antibiotics, but it appears it's too little, too late.
She simply refuses to eat anything. When I say anything, I mean chicken, beef, canned dog food, dog biscuits, whatever. I cannot force the dog to eat. She is so weak she can barely walk and at the point she can't walk? That's the end. Dogs that can't get up and move around are dogs that do not live.
It seems unbelievable that I've had that dog to the vet twice and still nothing good has become of it.
She has been starving herself for about 2 weeks now and of course, you can't live forever without eating. She took a LITTLE food yesterday, when I say little I mean like a couple of teaspoons full. After that, she would have none of it. I wish I knew what else I could do for her, but I don't know and I can't continue to ...........
____________________________________________________________________________
SNAP OUT OF IT.
Geeze. Sometimes I piss myself off. What can I do. What can I do indeed. Just took a can of beef broth, -poured in into a blender. Took a whole leg of chicken (cooked, of course), tearing off both the skin and meat and dumped it in there. Got some of my chicken and rice casserole that is left over from the other day and dumped that in there as well. Enough chicken and rice to make a good meal for a dog. Turned on the blender and let'er whirl. For quite a while, I wanted it watery in it's substance.
Sure enough, just like water or enough so that a turkey baster easily sucked it up. Poured all of the mixture into a bowl and started force feeding her. Yup, took that baster and shoved it into her mouth and near the back and let'er rip. Holding her head up, she had no choice but to swallow. I emptied that entire bowl into her mouth. Waiting to see if she's going to puke it up or something, but in all of this, puking hasn't really been a factor. It's been 20 minutes and no sign of rejection so far. If she can keep that down, I will do that every day, a couple of times a day until she starts eating on her own.
She is SO terribly thin she looks like death walking. It's extremely saddening to watch your beloved dog wasting away, in pain. The doc said no pain killers because - whatever he said, I didn't really hear it. I was giving her some aspirins but he said no for whatever reason - I think dehydration - but I think I am going to shun that advice as the dog is drinking water, lots of it. No, her problem besides the acute infection is the fact that she hasn't hardly eaten anything in that last 14 days. A few dog biscuits, a bowl of spaghetti one night, but that's it.
It's been an hour now and no sign of vomiting/rejection. She has also perked up quite a lot! Yes. Tomorrow I will be stopping at the grocery store and buying more broth - though probably chicken broth this time and I already have chicken to cook in the freezer, take some of that out tonight to thaw.
____________________________________________
Well, about 2 hours now. I was waiting for the worst, though certainly not hoping for it. Instead, not only has she stomached the liquid food, she also to appears to have stopped dribbling and pissing out bloodied urine.
It is time for me to go to bed. She is in for the night, on her bed and crashed out. Yes, I care for my dogs. Very much so.
ben
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Severe................
........urinary tract infection, so much so that she, my dog Coco, is pissing blood. That's the verdict of the doc. Handed me a bottle of pills, told me to give them to her once a day until they are gone. Make sure she is drinking water - which is the first thing she did when she got home, stuck her head in the 5 gallon bucket (when you have 3 large dogs, you go with large quantities of water available, those little water dishes do nothing for dogs that size) and started drinking away.
She would not, unfortunately, touch any food. She hasn't eaten since Friday. I just tried giving her some chicken and then tried giving her a doggy biscuit, both her favorites, wouldn't even think about it. I can't force the dog to eat. That's the plain and simple truth of it, she will eat when she is going to eat. But I am going to try some canned dog food anyway, in a few moments, as she has always liked that stuff as well. She is going to have to stay outside tonight, unfortunately, because she is pissing small quantities of blood all over the place and I cannot have that in my house. I love dogs, but I don't love them that much. Hopefully the antibiotics will start to work quickly and perhaps we can get this problem behind us and she will start eating again.
She would not, unfortunately, touch any food. She hasn't eaten since Friday. I just tried giving her some chicken and then tried giving her a doggy biscuit, both her favorites, wouldn't even think about it. I can't force the dog to eat. That's the plain and simple truth of it, she will eat when she is going to eat. But I am going to try some canned dog food anyway, in a few moments, as she has always liked that stuff as well. She is going to have to stay outside tonight, unfortunately, because she is pissing small quantities of blood all over the place and I cannot have that in my house. I love dogs, but I don't love them that much. Hopefully the antibiotics will start to work quickly and perhaps we can get this problem behind us and she will start eating again.
Tuesday 2/28/2012
I'm sitting in a parking lot, down the street from the vet. In between deliveries, I ran home today, got Coco, hauled her over to the animal hospital and then went back to work.
The vet called about an hour ago saying her bowels are pretty much all cleared up, but now she is pissing blood. Can't catch a break here, can we? He did an X-ray to determine that there isn't anything in there at this point. So now? Blood panels to see if there is anything going on with her kidneys. If you think that all of this doesn't sound cheap, you would be right. $150 for the blood panels plus a check-up/re-visit fee and who knows whatever else. The vet is hoping it will be a simple matter of giving her antibiotics, but he was hesitant to do that without checking her kidneys first.
Whatever the case, I would like this to be the final visit - for a long time anyway - to the vet for this particular problem and hoping that there isn't going to be some sort of negative result from those blood tests.
I'm pretty much beat at this point. Work yesterday took it all out of me. Now I am getting what appears to be a chest cold and still dealing with this dog. Anyway, I decided to simply wait for the news and hopefully take the dog home rather than go home and then have to go back to the vet's office.
There isn't any other news because I am too tired to even think about anything else excepting that there is the small groups at church tonight, but if I don't catch a second wind here, I won't be going, instead, I will be going to sleep early.
That's it. I'm going to take a nap in the car while waiting as I am so incredibly sleepy right now!
The vet called about an hour ago saying her bowels are pretty much all cleared up, but now she is pissing blood. Can't catch a break here, can we? He did an X-ray to determine that there isn't anything in there at this point. So now? Blood panels to see if there is anything going on with her kidneys. If you think that all of this doesn't sound cheap, you would be right. $150 for the blood panels plus a check-up/re-visit fee and who knows whatever else. The vet is hoping it will be a simple matter of giving her antibiotics, but he was hesitant to do that without checking her kidneys first.
Whatever the case, I would like this to be the final visit - for a long time anyway - to the vet for this particular problem and hoping that there isn't going to be some sort of negative result from those blood tests.
I'm pretty much beat at this point. Work yesterday took it all out of me. Now I am getting what appears to be a chest cold and still dealing with this dog. Anyway, I decided to simply wait for the news and hopefully take the dog home rather than go home and then have to go back to the vet's office.
There isn't any other news because I am too tired to even think about anything else excepting that there is the small groups at church tonight, but if I don't catch a second wind here, I won't be going, instead, I will be going to sleep early.
That's it. I'm going to take a nap in the car while waiting as I am so incredibly sleepy right now!
Monday, February 27, 2012
Monday 2/27/2012
Safe? Their community is safe? Is ANYONE safe in modern-day America? A kid goes on a shooting rampage at a high school in Ohio, kills one and seriously injures more - now another student has been confirmed as having had passed away from the injuries sustained from being shot. When a parent sends a kid off to school, does it cross their mind that yeah, some kid with serious problems or several kids in same dementia are going to show up to school, shoot your kid and he/she isn't going to come home that day?
It's utter and pure insanity. If it was the first time it ever happened you might think a fluke. But it isn't even close to the first time at this point and it seems to be becoming a "norm".
Well whatever. I had to show up to work early this morning which is why there was no entry this morning and I have to show up to work tomorrow early yet again. I worked my freaking @$$ off today for almost 11 hours straight, non-stop and I am tired. I came home to a dog this is still in misery and can't release all the poop stuck up in there. I have given her numerous enemas since I came home, plus mineral oil plus forced her to drink Gatorade. She hasn't eaten since Friday.
She is looking BAD at this point. Her skin is pulled tight against her ribs because she hasn't been eating. She looks like a dog you would see on TV on that show that the animal control people go to and film views of dog that aren't being fed. Well, I have been trying to give her CHICKEN, that is her favorite food on earth and she won't even touch it. I read online from vets it's safe to give dogs Gatorade and I have been giving her doses of that since I got home.
If we weren't slammed to tomorrow at work, I would have already asked to be able to show up late so I can take her to the vet. They said if what I am doing doesn't work, then she will have to be left there for the whole day and will have to have enemas all day long and if necessary, yes, a finger will have to be lodged up in there in the rectum to dislodge the stuff. Gross. It was gross enough for me to get over the enema up the ass bit, I am NOT sticking my finger up a dog's ass, even if there is a plastic glove on it. If Wednesday isn't slammed as well and this thing hasn't relented, I am definitely going to simply tell my manager I will have to show up late - vet offices don't open at 6:00 am that I know of, and that will have to be that.
Ohhh, you can bet that I am not the most joyous person right now. I am giving my dog a couple of aspirins tonight regardless. She is in agony and I cannot just sit around watching it without offering something to help it. I had to get up in the middle of the night last night and get out the carpet cleaning machine - she had dribbled on the carpet in my bedroom. I had left the door ajar but somehow it was shut enough that she couldn't open it and that was the reason that occurred - that dog will NOT do that kind of thing in my house if she is able to get outside. I have given her the last of the enemas today. It will have to wait until tomorrow morning to give her another before work and then whatever needs be done when I get home.
But, I am increasingly concerned about the fact that she hasn't been eating and how long can a dog go without eating ANYTHING? Hence the Gatorade, at least there's something in there to give some kind of energy. It isn't food but it's better than nothing. She is one of the best dogs I have ever had in my entire life and to lose her to something like this would be devastating to me. If you are a person that thinks it's stupid to love your doggies, that's fine, but don't tell ME about it because I will tell you where you can stick it.
Again, I am not in the greatest mood ever after having been pulling orders most of the day and delivering it some of the day - pulling material that is so extremely, unbelievably heavy and just knocks me out and then having to come home and tend to my dog for hours, it's definitely taking a toll on me.
I don't know, sometimes life sucks so incredibly bad.
It's utter and pure insanity. If it was the first time it ever happened you might think a fluke. But it isn't even close to the first time at this point and it seems to be becoming a "norm".
Well whatever. I had to show up to work early this morning which is why there was no entry this morning and I have to show up to work tomorrow early yet again. I worked my freaking @$$ off today for almost 11 hours straight, non-stop and I am tired. I came home to a dog this is still in misery and can't release all the poop stuck up in there. I have given her numerous enemas since I came home, plus mineral oil plus forced her to drink Gatorade. She hasn't eaten since Friday.
She is looking BAD at this point. Her skin is pulled tight against her ribs because she hasn't been eating. She looks like a dog you would see on TV on that show that the animal control people go to and film views of dog that aren't being fed. Well, I have been trying to give her CHICKEN, that is her favorite food on earth and she won't even touch it. I read online from vets it's safe to give dogs Gatorade and I have been giving her doses of that since I got home.
If we weren't slammed to tomorrow at work, I would have already asked to be able to show up late so I can take her to the vet. They said if what I am doing doesn't work, then she will have to be left there for the whole day and will have to have enemas all day long and if necessary, yes, a finger will have to be lodged up in there in the rectum to dislodge the stuff. Gross. It was gross enough for me to get over the enema up the ass bit, I am NOT sticking my finger up a dog's ass, even if there is a plastic glove on it. If Wednesday isn't slammed as well and this thing hasn't relented, I am definitely going to simply tell my manager I will have to show up late - vet offices don't open at 6:00 am that I know of, and that will have to be that.
Ohhh, you can bet that I am not the most joyous person right now. I am giving my dog a couple of aspirins tonight regardless. She is in agony and I cannot just sit around watching it without offering something to help it. I had to get up in the middle of the night last night and get out the carpet cleaning machine - she had dribbled on the carpet in my bedroom. I had left the door ajar but somehow it was shut enough that she couldn't open it and that was the reason that occurred - that dog will NOT do that kind of thing in my house if she is able to get outside. I have given her the last of the enemas today. It will have to wait until tomorrow morning to give her another before work and then whatever needs be done when I get home.
But, I am increasingly concerned about the fact that she hasn't been eating and how long can a dog go without eating ANYTHING? Hence the Gatorade, at least there's something in there to give some kind of energy. It isn't food but it's better than nothing. She is one of the best dogs I have ever had in my entire life and to lose her to something like this would be devastating to me. If you are a person that thinks it's stupid to love your doggies, that's fine, but don't tell ME about it because I will tell you where you can stick it.
Again, I am not in the greatest mood ever after having been pulling orders most of the day and delivering it some of the day - pulling material that is so extremely, unbelievably heavy and just knocks me out and then having to come home and tend to my dog for hours, it's definitely taking a toll on me.
I don't know, sometimes life sucks so incredibly bad.
Sunday, February 26, 2012
I Was Outside...........
.............sitting on a carpet on the concrete with my Catahoula. I had forced her outside because yes, I have given her fully 5 enemas today and we aren't through yet. We will get past this problem regardless of my distaste of having to sit on top of a dog to keep it from getting up and running off and more to the point: having to stick a syringe up a dog's @$$ full of fluid. I have dumped mineral oil down her throat today a couple of times as well as a bit of Gatorade here and there.
I was petting her and she had her head on my lap, completely out of it. I was looking up at the sky. I had forgotten the numbers of contrails to be seen in these parts.
You aren't looking at clouds, you are looking at contrails, plus the rear end of Camelback mountain and not sure if the Southwest Airlines plane that is landing shows up.
My Catahoula. I wouldn't wish what she's going through on anyone.
I was petting her and she had her head on my lap, completely out of it. I was looking up at the sky. I had forgotten the numbers of contrails to be seen in these parts.
My Catahoula. I wouldn't wish what she's going through on anyone.
Church
I guess I should stop going. I go in there with terrible mind battles more often than not and today was no exception.
I don't blame this church I am going to, per-se, I probably really only have myself to blame but whatever.
There isn't much to say about it. I lasted through 1 hour and 10 minutes of worship service, got up and left.
I promised myself that I would at least try the "small groups" and so, I at least try to keep promises to myself, so I will attempt to go on Tuesday evening and see what, if anything, happens. The leader of the small group I signed up for actually came forward and introduced themselves.
Anyway. Coco - my Catahoula - not doing well at all. I broke down. I wasn't about to insert that enema syringe in there with all the fight she puts up, but enough is enough. Took her outside, sat down on top of her and she had no choice. She didn't like it - of course - but tough. I did it again 40 minutes later and will be doing it again another 20 minutes from now and will continue with this until all that gunk comes out of there. I have been dumping mineral oil down her throat. She is gaunt looking, her flash wrapped over her ribs, she is obviously miserable and I can't just not doing something that will help her because she doesn't like it or - it grosses me out as well. When we get past this, I am going to feed her food that will help fatten her back up again. I set freshly cooked chicken out there for her a while ago and she wouldn't touch it.
Another 5 hours of enemas and I hope something happens.
Caleb still not feeling well at all. I am feeding him and getting him fluids, the rest is up to resting and time.
I don't get the use of ATM's, really. If it's your own bank's ATM and you aren't charged a fee, then no biggies. But paying $3 for YOUR money simply because it's coming out of some other bank's ATM machine is outrageous. Rarely, do I use an ATM and now that QuikTrip has my bank's ATM's in every store, much more abundant locations all over the place, I need not use a fee'd ATM. I have never liked the idea of paying money to get = your money. I have done it- yes, but extremely infrequently. A few times at some casinos, a few times on vacation, other than that, never locally.
Convenience costs money, in many cases and it's simply not worth it, much of the time, for me to throw money down the drain that could be going to something else. What got me started on this? A story about ATM's with banks that are charging 3% per transaction, not $3. Difference without a distinction if you're taking out $100, but anything over that? $3 per 100 is basically what that means.
I'll go back to cash only living, having no bank and doing money orders before I am forcefully subjected to outrageous bank fees. At the moment, I have free checking - that because I both have direct deposit and also use my debit card more than 8 times per month. Either of them will get free checking at the bank I am currently using, though I am considering switching to a credit union.
I don't blame this church I am going to, per-se, I probably really only have myself to blame but whatever.
There isn't much to say about it. I lasted through 1 hour and 10 minutes of worship service, got up and left.
I promised myself that I would at least try the "small groups" and so, I at least try to keep promises to myself, so I will attempt to go on Tuesday evening and see what, if anything, happens. The leader of the small group I signed up for actually came forward and introduced themselves.
Anyway. Coco - my Catahoula - not doing well at all. I broke down. I wasn't about to insert that enema syringe in there with all the fight she puts up, but enough is enough. Took her outside, sat down on top of her and she had no choice. She didn't like it - of course - but tough. I did it again 40 minutes later and will be doing it again another 20 minutes from now and will continue with this until all that gunk comes out of there. I have been dumping mineral oil down her throat. She is gaunt looking, her flash wrapped over her ribs, she is obviously miserable and I can't just not doing something that will help her because she doesn't like it or - it grosses me out as well. When we get past this, I am going to feed her food that will help fatten her back up again. I set freshly cooked chicken out there for her a while ago and she wouldn't touch it.
Another 5 hours of enemas and I hope something happens.
Caleb still not feeling well at all. I am feeding him and getting him fluids, the rest is up to resting and time.
I don't get the use of ATM's, really. If it's your own bank's ATM and you aren't charged a fee, then no biggies. But paying $3 for YOUR money simply because it's coming out of some other bank's ATM machine is outrageous. Rarely, do I use an ATM and now that QuikTrip has my bank's ATM's in every store, much more abundant locations all over the place, I need not use a fee'd ATM. I have never liked the idea of paying money to get = your money. I have done it- yes, but extremely infrequently. A few times at some casinos, a few times on vacation, other than that, never locally.
Convenience costs money, in many cases and it's simply not worth it, much of the time, for me to throw money down the drain that could be going to something else. What got me started on this? A story about ATM's with banks that are charging 3% per transaction, not $3. Difference without a distinction if you're taking out $100, but anything over that? $3 per 100 is basically what that means.
I'll go back to cash only living, having no bank and doing money orders before I am forcefully subjected to outrageous bank fees. At the moment, I have free checking - that because I both have direct deposit and also use my debit card more than 8 times per month. Either of them will get free checking at the bank I am currently using, though I am considering switching to a credit union.
Sunday 2/27/2012
I was quite humored when Kyle - a family friend I guess you would call him all of 18 years old - came over here yesterday declaring that he was selling tools for whatever customer and earning $1,500.00 per week. Is it possible? I suppose, but at the same time, he is going to a school of massage therapy to learn how to become a massage therapist which I doubt would earn him that much money. Instead of questioning him on it, I simply told him that he is making more money than I am! He used to hang out with Caleb over here but then got aligned with drug users including heroin addicts and he disappeared off the radar for quite a long time.
He also impregnated a girl and has a baby now. He is off the drugs - though he drinks regularly, still better than being on drugs - and apparently has had a fire lit under his fit to work, work, work and earn money to support the girl and the baby.
Well whatever. Then he offers me a professional massage at the low rate of $1 per minute, lol.
Meanwhile, Caleb got the flu. Probably, I am guessing, from college. I dunno, but I want nothing to do with it. I have been feeding him and giving him plenty of liquids but other than that? Staying away from the boy. He has been sleeping/resting/kicking back for a couple of days now.
Coco - the Catahoula mix - is still plugged up but finally some "stuff" is coming out. Hopefully the mineral oil will work it's way through all of that and all of that will come out - preferably today and get it over with.
I continue to torment myself - well not that bad but you get the picture - with endless articles on the web about baby boomers not having anything or too little saved up for retirement. I know, I have talked about this a lot on this blog, but it keeps it alive and in my face. You can look at 15 or 20 years and say that's a long time, I don't need to be so dramatic about it, but - that isn't that much time and it will be here faster than you know and then kablaam, whatever you have saved, that's it. If you didn't save enough or even save anything, you are screwed. Well I can tell you right now, if I had to retire today, I am screwed.
It takes money to make money - a very true statement mostly - and that is the plan here. I am not going to get enough for retirement simply by means of what I am putting aside in the 401k or even in the bank savings account, it is going to have to be upped substantially. I am changing my mind about that travel trailer that I wanted to trade for a pickup, better to sell it and save the money for that casita I am going to build. I haven't firmly decided on that yet - I have 3 more payments and then I can make a decision.
Anyway, I am going to force myself to church today, meaning I have to leave...........uhhhh...........now, actually.
Later.
ben
He also impregnated a girl and has a baby now. He is off the drugs - though he drinks regularly, still better than being on drugs - and apparently has had a fire lit under his fit to work, work, work and earn money to support the girl and the baby.
Well whatever. Then he offers me a professional massage at the low rate of $1 per minute, lol.
Meanwhile, Caleb got the flu. Probably, I am guessing, from college. I dunno, but I want nothing to do with it. I have been feeding him and giving him plenty of liquids but other than that? Staying away from the boy. He has been sleeping/resting/kicking back for a couple of days now.
Coco - the Catahoula mix - is still plugged up but finally some "stuff" is coming out. Hopefully the mineral oil will work it's way through all of that and all of that will come out - preferably today and get it over with.
I continue to torment myself - well not that bad but you get the picture - with endless articles on the web about baby boomers not having anything or too little saved up for retirement. I know, I have talked about this a lot on this blog, but it keeps it alive and in my face. You can look at 15 or 20 years and say that's a long time, I don't need to be so dramatic about it, but - that isn't that much time and it will be here faster than you know and then kablaam, whatever you have saved, that's it. If you didn't save enough or even save anything, you are screwed. Well I can tell you right now, if I had to retire today, I am screwed.
It takes money to make money - a very true statement mostly - and that is the plan here. I am not going to get enough for retirement simply by means of what I am putting aside in the 401k or even in the bank savings account, it is going to have to be upped substantially. I am changing my mind about that travel trailer that I wanted to trade for a pickup, better to sell it and save the money for that casita I am going to build. I haven't firmly decided on that yet - I have 3 more payments and then I can make a decision.
Anyway, I am going to force myself to church today, meaning I have to leave...........uhhhh...........now, actually.
Later.
ben
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Saturday 2/26/2012
The flu season starts and guess what? Someone here gets the flu. My son, Caleb, to be more precise about the individual.
My Catahoula mix is also not feeling very well. She is plugged up so bad, I was amazed at the x-rays I saw today after I took her into a vet's office. I had hoped whatever was going on would correct itself, but it wasn't.
That's been my day. Vet and dealing with a sick kid.
What else is there? Well, there are a lot of other things, but this is what I am dealing with and for now, that's quite enough, thank you.
ben
My Catahoula mix is also not feeling very well. She is plugged up so bad, I was amazed at the x-rays I saw today after I took her into a vet's office. I had hoped whatever was going on would correct itself, but it wasn't.
That's been my day. Vet and dealing with a sick kid.
What else is there? Well, there are a lot of other things, but this is what I am dealing with and for now, that's quite enough, thank you.
ben
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