The Everlasting Work Day.
There is nothing else to call it.
There was one small delivery today, the rest of the day was filled with - nothing.  Just nothing.  Boring, unending, almost tormenting.  When I'm at work,  I want to work!  It makes the day go by quickly and it's over before you know it.  Not when there's nothing to do.  It's just agonizing.  Seriously.  That's a lot of hours to burn with nothing to do.

Plus I was tired.  I didn't sleep well - woke up in the middle of the night which is nothing new but didn't get back to sleep for a long time.  So, dragging feet and nothing to do, makes for a very, very long day.

The moods around there are up and down and up and down related to kids, so many of them, how they are talking to and treating her and however she responds to it.  

Whatever, I'm just worn out.  I think I am going to go to bed early tonight.

ben

Never a dull moment with her family.  Older kids with attitudes, one of which she is kicking out - she is so pissy and foul-laced that I know I would eventually do the same thing after listening to that kind of attitude every single time talking "together".  The oldest boy still living at home - 17 - won't do anything including going outside and getting wood for the fire.  The high there today is going to be 37 degrees, she asked him to do that last night and he refused.

She is just biding her time with him, if his tude' doesn't change, she is going to kick him out come end of school year in May.  Hard to kick out your kids as soon as they turn 18, but I wouldn't want to live with that kind of abuse, either.

Then the 15 year old was told to go out and check fence line last night.  He got mad - it was like 28 degrees outside, but the fenceline had to be checked to ensure the cows won't get out in the cold (why it waited til' dark I have no clue), so he took the pickup, drove like a madman and rolled it in the pasture.

So I was talking to her on FB and she had gotten a call on the phone unbeknownst to me from ex, the people down on the west pasture had called him telling him what had happened. She blew up, was off line for quite a while, came back and got back on and gave a sketchy description of what happened.  Then, this boy started a chat with me and I just let him know all about it.  In as good a way as possible, but I was pretty blunt with him, talking to him about the way he and his brothers and oldest sister have been treating their mom and what it is doing to her inside of her.

That conversation with that kid went on for quite a while, took advantage of him contacting me, not the other way around but lightened up near the end since he's only 15 years old and can't really keep a person that age in a heavy conversation for too terribly long.

Funny that kid contacted me before talking to anyone else about it. He didn't even like me at first, told his brothers that over and over.  At some point he changed his mind about me, told his brothers that who immediately informed their mother.

It's an interesting situation going on  over there, that's all I can say.

Whatever the case, it's Monday morning, started the work day - nothing to do again, gag - and only a 3 day work week.  Get to leave for 4 days after clocking out on Wednesday. Ohhhh, that I could drive straight to the airport and fly out there.  Oh well, not a rich man, gotta keep the trips limited to every 3 months or more.

Anyway, Happy Monday!

lol

G'day.

ben

I've been trying for 2 days to get another entry in, just hasn't happened.
Whatever the case, it's been raining and raining and raining here. Just the kind of downpour I wanted to see happen to really get the ground wet and give my plants a nice, deep watering the kind that only rain can give.  More than 24 hour's worth later, I don't suspect I will have to water my plants for at least a week and a half, maybe longer since the temps have cooled down considerably.

Oh, I know why I haven't written an entry: I get to talking to her and I can't break away from it, even for the 10 or 15 it takes to write a good entry.

Work - abysmal.  Sloooooooww.  We haven't even hit 100k for the month and it's already what, the 23rd of November?  That's crazy!

I have half a thought to hit a casino today.  I still play an online game daily.  The game I am currently playing is the hardest one I have ever encountered.  It regularly deals itself 6 and 7 card 21's.  It gives itself naturals all the freaking time.  I was playing it to rack up cold coins for a trip to Vegas, but I don't really want to go to Vegas anymore. Now I just play it to irritate another person who is on my player's friend's list who is continually trying to get ahead of me.  That last time, she got up 25 levels but I made a total comeback and am a couple levels ahead of her.

Oh, well anyway, I haven't tried in a long time and the time  is right.  Take a hundred bucks in there and see what happens.  I've turned $100 in $2,500 and other varying amounts of winnings. Yes, I have lost too but I get up and leave before it gets too carried away, even if I've only been there 20 minutes.  If  I start really losing, it's just time to go.  That was what happened last time, I got down $200, came back up the $200, got up from that table and left.  I hadn't been there for probably 30 minutes at most.

It would be nice, though, to win a couple hundred and make another trip out west.  Well, at the dates I am looking at, it is costing about $337 with taxes and fees, round trip.  She is having such a hard time with the separation that I am looking at my options.  If I could come up with that money by next week I could spend 4 days out there.  But, I am not going to a casino in desperation, never go in desperation.  This is a "want" thing, not a "I need it to pay bills" thing.  There isn't a single time, I don't believe, that I have gone to the casino and haven't encountered a person that is in desperate straits and is looking to win big to get them out of the hole they are in.

I have yet to see a single one of those people win anything, instead, they always lose.

A trip out there before New Year's is definitely not a must, it would just be nice, that's all.

Stayed up far too late last night. Like 11:30. We were getting into heavy stuff again but at the point the clock he 11:30, I was too tired to go on with it.  That's 2-1/2 to 3 hours past my normal bedtime and now, today, I am paying for it.  It's 9am and I don't feel like doing much of anything, even though I just got done doing all kinds of stuff.  I am supposed to meet with the pastor later on today, though a definitive time hasn't been set, we are meeting for lunch.  All I can say is if my stomach doesn't start feeling better, that encounter is not going to happen.

That's enough.  I have more stuff to get done and would like to have it done before it gets too late in the day.

G'day.

ben

"This is kinda heavy but Andrew told ex that Rachel wants to change her name to Rachel (my last name)!"
You want to talk about a mind blower! Andrew is 10 year old boy, Rachael is an 8 year old girl.
This is Rachael:

 This would be Andrew:

They both ask continuously about me now. They posed for these pics for me. These kids have been so neglected by their own father that any kind of attention poured out upon them is something that they really haven't experienced from her ex, at all. But for Rachael to already say something that direct about this situation really shook me up this morning. Not in a bad way, just wow, I didn't know I had had that much of an impact on them when I was there. There was SO much to take in, ponder and absorb. But I spent much more time around the 3 little ones than any of the older kids just because she drags them around all over the place all the time, though she also dropped them off at a baby sitter's house several times so we could have time alone.

That's it for this entry, might write another one in a little while, I just have some serious thinking to do here.

Wednesday
Yesterday not very nice at work.  Started out with one of the auditors asking me for various credentials, which I didn't mind, but then wanted to get into the truck.  I don't care about that either, but stay away from the controls and don't mess with anything.  She couldn't find the fuel card so I found it for her and forgot that I had left my pin number for the fuel card in with it.  So I got b***** out for that, blah blah blah.  A locked truck sitting in a locked, gated, fenced yard, the fuel card sitting inside of a pouch hidden underneath the seat.  
Whatever.  The worst was yet to come, however, after I called a contractor to tell him I was going to be leaving soon and was there anyone at the jobsite to take the equipment off? The "man" immediately starts cussing me out, letting out several f bombs, calling me stupid and all kinds of stuff that I need not go into here, pretty vulgar though.  He was angry because I was about to take a water pumping machine out there and they had no way of taking it off of there and that he had told us to tow it behind a pickup, not haul it on a semi flatbed.

Of course, I knew nothing of this, my manager knew nothing about it, there wasn't anything from the salesman in his email that noted this and it wasn't included in the comments section in the truck routing system.  Well, this guy just wouldn't quit.  I wanted to tell him off, REALLY wanted to tell him where to stick it, but my company wouldn't have liked that too much, so I really had to bite my tongue and just tell him that we knew nothing about this but we would be happy to tow the thing out there with a pickup.

I was fuming though.  There was no good reason for this guy to get so upset.  Even if I had shown up out there with it on the truck, the worst that would happen would be to haul it back and do it however they wanted it done.  But we hadn't even left the yard yet!  I refuse to put up with another episode of this with this contractor.  This is not the first run-in I've had with him over the years, albeit this was definitely and by far the worst.

That wasn't the end of it, though.  So, while we were waiting for word from the salesman on how he wanted us to deal with this, I went and made another delivery.  I had the rest of the materials for that pump still on the truck but had removed the pump from the semi.  The other materials weren't exactly heavy, but bulky, no way it would fit in apickup truck, not even close.  So the ops manager calls me and tells me that they are okay to deliver the rest of the piping and then come back and get the pump.  I get to the jobsite - the WRONG jobsite was listed on the paperwork, I find out at the jobsite with the foreman there calling this idiot that cussed me out that morning who was obviously making remarks about it to the foreman in noting the little snickers and laughs.  I just blew that off, headed over to the other jobsite and then finally the salesman calls me.

Ummm, Allen just called and said you were at wrong jobsite and to have you head over to the other one.  As if I were stupid.  I immediately gave him a serious dose of his own medicine, since it was HIS screwup that he didn't bother to tell us the thing should have been towed over there.  He then stated that yes, that was his screwup but the address wasn't, Allen had told him to have it delivered there.

Whatever.  Then I get on the phone with my manager who tried to call me and told me to call back - the truck's hands free device is a piece of garbage and doesn't work too well - so when I called back the third time, he was all pissed about that.  Fine.  Whenever something pressing on the road, the manager is supposed to answer the call immediately and if not, only because he is either on another line or doesn't have the phone with him.  I just let that one go too, but noting that in the future? I'll just call once and then I will make my own decision and then reference him to his sourness towards me yesterday.

Then got back and he was further upset by the pin number thing that dinged the store's score.  Well, he made his own blunders that the store got dinged for too.

Whatever, putting yesterday behind me but writing about it helps to vent, also worked out hard yesterday afternoon trying to just release the steam.

Whatever the case, time to go to work!

G'day.
ben

Thought I'd upload a couple of pics of this fabulous plant that came back to life after it seemingly died after a severe frost.  That thing was literally a stick in the ground with no leaves or any foliage on it at all early this year, now it's grown over 8 feet tall and put out all these wonderful, beautiful flowers!

Anyway, Sunday morning, fixing to get ready to go to church.  I am listening to the sound of the hummingbird out there chattering away, not sure what his problem is this morning.  He was grazing my head out there yesterday and telling me about the feeder, which I refilled just before dark last night, so he should be a happy camper.  But he's kind of a moody thing.  Anytime other hummingbirds try to come and take a drink off of his feeder, he gets pretty upset and starts fighting with them.

As for the Lady, she's opening up quite a lot now.  It has taken her some time to wrap her mind around the fact that there is actually a person out there that wants to hear all of it, let her vent 20 years worth of crap and attempt to help her navigate through all the emotion, fear, and denial.  She's just been cramming it in for a long time and letting nothing out to anyone because no-one, not even her own family - wants to hear about it and has condemned her the entire time.  When you hear about the father of all of those kids saying "those are your kids, you wanted them so now you deal with them", you know that marriage was not a very good one.
It can get pretty intense and draining at times, but I think worth it to bear with her through all of it and hopefully somewhere down the line, be healed and delivered from that garbage and able to walk in the freedom the Lord wants her to have through and in Him.

I expect that some of these conversations are going to be heavy and intense for sometime to come.

Regardless, time to go get ready for church!

Happy Sunday!

ben

Saturday

Trip is finalized.
I didn't want to wait until closer to the holiday season to buy airfare, I can only imagine the planes filling up and no seats left and/or the prices going up dramatically.
I ended up putting it all on a credit card and then making a payment to the card account for half of what it cost from my checking account.  Just the time of month it is and other expenses I have had leaving me a bit lean on the money side, so didn't want to pay for it fully in cash.

She has finally let on fully the situation between us to her kids.  Some of the older boys are pretty messed up in their heads, she didn't want to come out with this too soon, ie: this isn't real and we aren't going there.  This second trip should be a little less stressful - I know what's going on over there, I have broken the ice with most of the kids - I know what the house looks like and the condition it's in - but these are not deterrents to me, not if the relationship is right.  Her PDA rule around the kids - in the house - is off now.  Which is good for me because hugging and holding hands and all that wasn't "allowed" to be done around the kids, which we were around a lot of the time.  The kids figured it out anyway, but wanted an official "statement" of boyfriend/girlfriend this morning from her.

Not to mention half of them are telling me they love me now, anyway, lol.  Not that I told them that, first, either!  We're kinda getting swept along with the current here, at some point, at least for me, there is no turning back.  I haven't arrived there yet and I don't know how much longer or at what point that line will be at, but I would have to say it's certainly within seeing distance.  Just holding back enough to see this all unfold without any commitment to engagement or marriage.  I still want to make sure this is right for both of us and that we are really going to be good for and with each other.

I was talking with the 17 year old today on Facebook - and yes I always let her know about it if there is any contact with them.  I'm just trying to break the ice with that kid cause' he's not a talker - at all - and it takes a while for him to get comfortable around people.  He was pretty standoffish when I was there last but from all indicators that is much less true now than it was.  He's into video games, I am fairly well versed in that having had a son around that was totally into it so I can relate  a bit.

As for another scenario unfolding.  My old friend's son - he's in his mid 20's I think.  He is an avid hunter, the son, and I friended him on Facebook a week ago and threw out the idea of going hunting with him.  He wasn't really "all over that" at first, but last night on an exchange with him on his Facebook wall, he WAS all over it.  He hunts whatever, wherever, but mostly into Javelina, Deer and Elk hunting.  Whatta rush that would be to bag an Elk!!  What a chore it would be to try to get it loaded into a pickup, even IF you have it quartered!  I am pursuing this with him because I really want to learn how to hunt and more importantly, how to skin and dress the animal after you have it down.

He informed me that some day in the future we would go and we would sit around a campfire and drink some tequila and enjoy God's creation.  Well, I can do a shot or two of tequila, beyond that I'm toast.  If there is one thing in life I do NOT want to do, it's get drunk.  I lose complete control of myself and I feel like s*** the next day, all day and it's just not that great a thing to do.  Been there, done that and not doing retakes.  But it sounds like a fun time anyway.  I don't care if he gets drunk, help yourself.  For those that would judge that, sorry folks, but I am not God and I cannot change people's hearts, only God through the Holy Spirit by the preaching of the Word can do that.  If a person wants to get drunk, I am not going to even begin to try to stop them, but if they get really stupid while they are drunk, I don't want to be around them.  I don't get that he gets stupid and belligerent while drinking, at least not after the interchange last night because he had already been drinking.  I would rather do it with someone from my past that I least know somewhat then trying to find a complete stranger to go with.  And anyway, from his account and his siblings, their dad forsook them long ago, wants nothing to do with them and has not contact with them at all.

It's utterly amazing how much of that is going on in our society nowadays.  This is almost exactly what is going on with the lady's ex. He wants very little to do with his kids and it shows, glaringly.  They all know it, too.  The 17 year old despises him and wants nothing to do with him.  The 18 year old girl plays him for his money, if he didn't have any, I doubt she would have anything to do with him, either.  Just guessing on that one though.

Well anyway, hopefully there is a hunting date somewhere on the calendar next year.  But I guess I am going to have to get a 30.30 hunting rifle with a high powered scope among other things.  I've seen them advertised used online for various prices.  Probably start off at the lower end of the pricing range.   I wasn't sure about the difference between a 30-30 and a 30.06, but the net has educated me.  30-30 less powerful and good up to around 300 yards the 30.06 more powerful, more recoil but good up to around 500 yards.  They'll both take down a deer or elk, just one will do it at a further distance than the other.

The other thing this guy is good at is finding them.  I am a totally teachable person when it comes to learning something I want to learn, I don't care how old or young the person doing the teaching is as long as they know what they are talking about.  He finds them, downs them, skins/quarters them, eats them!  That's enough for me!  3 managers went out hunting a couple of weekends ago for deer and snagged - nothing.  Their exclusive manager's club, I like to call it, where they will go on outings with each other but the rest of us dweebs are nothingness.  All fine and dandy, I don't know that they know hunting that well anyway.  If you are going to learn, might as well learn from someone who is good at it.

Lazy Saturday for me.  About to go out and get some yardwork done.  Nothing much to do in the house for chores excepting stuff that costs money and nothing that is on the priority list.

G'day.

ben

This is the kind of thing I am referring to when talking about the situation at her house.
The oldest boy that is still living at home - there is an even older one who is currently in the Navy - was asked last night to build a fire in the fireplace.

She is attempting to save money on electric and use the fireplace for heat versus turning the electric heating on.  The boy complains about how cold it is upstairs.  I will say here that I keep my heat on at a very minimum range during the winter at night, at night only.  Just enough to keep it from getting too cold in the house, not enough to have my electric use sky rocket.  And no, no-one is allowed to use a space heater and if someone were without my knowledge, it would be immediately known to me that someone is doing something by simply looking at the daily electric usage.

The boy - 17 years old - starts complaining that there isn't any firewood.  Well, I was just there, there are over 3 cords of wood outside, already cut, ready to be used.  Some of it is well seasoned, very easy to start a fire with.  He then complains that there is no kindling - again, house surrounded by trees, some of them pines dropping cones and needles, plenty of kindling close to the house.  He didn't want to go outside and get the wood or the kindling.  She asks him again.  He flatly refuses and walks upstairs to his room.

That is actually tame to some of the other stuff, but to give an idea of what kind of atmosphere a man that doesn't care about his own kids creates after years of both neglect and abuse.  Abuse in the form of constant yelling and cussing at the kids.  He still doesn't care after the divorce and living away from all of it to the tune that he intentionally rented a small apartment so they couldn't come over for extended visits and so that none of them could move in with him.  One of them called him the other day declaring he wanted to move in.  The lady was telling him he couldn't go with 2 girls alone on a date.  He's only 15 years old, this is pretty easy to figure out.  He gets mad at her but dad says no, you aren't moving in with me.

Whatever.  This kind of thing apparently happens just about every day there.  I wouldn't know, I only saw minor outbursts when I was there but I am not sure why they weren't acting out in my presence. I'm not their daddy, I have no parental control over them so I am not sure.  She did tell me yesterday that I have "quite the following" in her kids, but that doesn't include all of them.

Well, whatever. It's Thursday, I'm trying to figure out what I am going to do with this coming weekend.  The temps are supposed to go back down again.  It's pretty crazy to have to be running the AC in the daytime considering it's near the middle of November.  That is not normal weather, even for here.  It shouldn't be this warm this late in the year.

I had half thoughts of going up north, but I don't really feel like using the fuel money.  I am cutting some corners at this point in trying to gather enough money to buy airfare.  That has to be done upfront before anything else.  It will stifle any plans to do any Black Friday shopping, but I wasn't really planning on doing that this year anyway.  Unless there is something I see that is too good a deal to pass up, though.  You never know.  I don't need another laptop but I wouldn't mind snagging an MP3 player if the price were right for a good one.  I have never owned one but always wanted one.

I will, in reality, probably just stay home and get some things done outside.  Not a lot left to do, but there is some de-weeding and grass pulling that needs to occur.  The hummingbird is cranking on  me to refill the container, there should be enough for him to last through today though. That bird chirps at me whenever it is getting low, I'm not imagining it, I have encountered that thing doing it too many times now.  It will buzz my head and fly around me and if I am sitting outside it will come up to a tree near me and just sit there.  Amazing, really!

Enough.

G'day.

ben

So, Obama is facing pressure from his own party - for once - over this ridiculous bill that more people hate in America than like, at least if you go by the polls.  It was particularly interesting to see Clinton - the man that has basically supported Obama the entire time - finally come out and almost rail against him because of the huge numbers of people that are not going to be allowed to keep their current plan and forced to switch to much more expensive ones.

Whatever.  I can't really talk or think about Obama and all of his BS for too long, I start getting very irritated.  It's like the man is on a mission to destroy the fabric of this nation, one step at a time.

As for the lady side of things, she is a happy camper right now.  If this situation doesn't eventually lead to a "permanent" relationship, it would surprise me.  Never say never, I know, but it's certainly headed in that direction.  Lots to think about, ponder, wonder, meditate on, prayer over.  Not in a big hurry here - it will unfold the way it is supposed to but from my end of things I want to continue to pray and seek the Lord about it and ensure that He is in this, not just wanton, earthly desires.

Well I was going to get into some things but a glance at the clock revealed that it's time to be off to work!~

G'day.

ben

Well, we pretty much got past that blip.  But I insist in a relationship that if we aren't good for each other the way we are right now, as we are right now, then it isn't going to work and I really don't want anything to do with it, though I didn't say that, just thinking it.  This idea that you go into a long-term relationship thinking a person is going to change usually never works.  Seen it over and over in other people's relationships and I will learn from that and my own previous marriage as well.  It's just unrealistic to think that either party is going to transform into what you want them to be.  It might happen, but it might not as well.

I dunno, but we have been talking throughout the day on and off.  Major blow up at her house last night with 2 of the older boys getting into it to the point of an alarm clock being smashed over the head of one of them and then almost a fist fight.  She has no recourse in such situations but to call the police and apparently she was just about at that point.  She isn't big enough, I guess, to stop them. They wouldn't be getting into that s*** if I were there, that's all I can say about it and it didn't happen when I was there as well.  I wouldn't hurt them but I am much bigger than any of them and could easily stop a fight like that, just insert myself between them and that would be the end of it.  Regardless, the 14 year old that started the mess and was going ballistic stopped in his tracks when she started calling the Sheriff's department and begged her to not call.  Yes, well settle down and get yourself under control, kid, there are other ways to vent your frustrations.

She has her hands full with teenagers that have little or no respect for her.  Her younger kids are cool, but the 14, 15 and 17 year old have issues, especially the 15 year old, he runs his mouth like a horse racing the Kentucky Derby.  Non-stop.  The 18 year old girl also runs her mouth whenever she doesn't like what she hears.  Non of them will do anything around the house unless forced and even when forced, they wait for an opening and disappear.  The house and those kids aren't anything I couldn't deal with, though.  I'm only interested in the lady and I, are we compatible, can the love last for the rest of our lives, will we be able to deal with each other's problems and shortcomings,  is it really true love?

I don't really want to go too much into the house itself - but - it's 40 years old and it has serious issues.  Most of which I can deal with and already started to in actuality, but it would take a good years' worth of working on it after work and on weekends to get it back up to snuff - not to mention a rather good deal of money even if finding used stuff.

Whatever.  Planning trip two for New Year's.  I'll figure out some way to afford the airfare, I thinkhope anyway.

On a humorous note, the guy that takes my place when I'm gone to drive the truck told another driver - who is sort of in a mini-managerial position down there - that I was moving and that he was offered the position where I am working and also my pay.  The manager is like what, he's going to work down here then?  No, says this guy, he's moving to another state and I am going to take his position and they are going to give me the same pay he is making!  Rumors have spread forever about how much I am making.  I am, in reality, making much more per hour than any of the other drivers - all of them even in different divisions locally - but I insisted on that when I was hired and I had to fight for it for a long, long time after I was working there for a while.  But for as much prying as many of them have tried to get out of me, I simply refuse to tell them what I am being paid.  It's really none of their business and they can sit there and guess and wonder all they want.

The driver that came over here left him like that, too, thinking that I am moving soon and this will happen quickly!  LOL!  In reality, if this is really going to happen - which it may - I figure a good year.  I want time to elapse, I want anything that needs to be dealt with in relationship issues to come out and make sure that we can work through it. This is a non-rush deal and it has to be right.  It doesn't have to be perfect, but we have to really know that it's a good fit.  I AM concerned about not being able to get out there frequently enough, it is what it is.  If I really skimp and save, maybe I could make a trip out there every two months - but not for a week every time, I will run out of vacation hours and won't be able to go at all at some point.

After a mind boggling week with her and hearing her out endlessly about the emotional pain and the fact that her ex never touched her, said any kind words to her, on and on and on and on - I was informed a little while ago that I was "blase" with her at the airport.  That I hadn't touched her near as much as she expected.  It was an atom bomb gone off.

I spent the week with her, the entire week.  If I wasn't at the hotel, I was with her, excepting one day where I went to the pond to work and the truth came out that it was - her time of month.  She also informed me before I left that she believes menopause is setting in.....

I can deal with much of anything, especially with a woman I have fallen in love with.  But, I will not say to a person that I am going to change, become this or that. I am who I am. If holding her hands and kissing her and extended hugs aren't enough for her, then I figure it's time to move on.

I'm glad it came out.  I don't know where it's going now, because I got off the line, this went on for well over an hour and I have to get up for work early in the morning, this kind of conversation going on every day can be quite draining.  I would rather find out now if this is right or not.  If she doesn't like me the way that I am right now, if she doesn't love me the way that I am right now as I love her the way she is - right now- it isn't going to work. 

I learned this the very hard way and I will not go through it again.  I figured it also better to get off the line and let some time elapse and have some time to think it through before going on further with this particular conversation.

Whatever the case, I am exhausted and I can only imagine what it's going to be like trying to get up in the morning.

ben