Motivation

I'm jumping on Bobby's and Dorrie's bandwagon and adding my perspective of motivation. 

For me, it comes and goes.  I can be sitting around, being lazy and fully subscribed to that theorem and then bam, something clicks on inside of me and says: "You need to get started on that right NOW".

Oh yes, I usually get right up from whatever I am doing or not doing and get to work. 

For an example, this morning, I have been lulling around in my mind the idea of finishing the cleaning in my bedroom.  Just one of those things, it sort of floats around a while and then the next thing I know I'm doing it.  Right now I'm waiting for this new computer to reformat - another hour to go judging it. 

So, after this entry, I'm 90% sure that while I'm waiting, I'm going to get something done and that something would be my bedroom.

On a different scale, my motivation has totally ceased.  I want to go to church but I don't go.  I want to get involved in the community again as I have spent so much of my adult life doing, but, I just don't have it.  The ideas are sitting on shelves in my mind.  I occasionally take them off, dust them and put them back on - the shelf.

I think the problem with that, for me, is the stuff I went through to get to the point where I don't want to star something fresh up again.  Shunned by a pastor, leaving a church and losing 10 year's worth of freindships and relationships.  Going through being a president of a homeowner's associated and having my reputation ground through the meat grinder, being talked about by God only knows how many people in very negative ways. 

It's funny, those people certainly didn't mind when I found grant for them to fix up their homes.  Up to $7,500 FREE money.  A lot of them used it, I never heard one single word of thanks.  All I ever heard was constant, non-stop complaining and whining.  People would actually complain that they had received an eviction notice because - they hadn't paid their lot rent.  Well, sir or madam, what the bleep am I supposed to do about it?  If you don't pay the rent, you're history, that's just life's little facts and stark, blunt reality that are thrown at you, I can't help you.  The pettiness of some of the people's complaints were too much.

There WAS icing on that cake,though.  I took that MH park to court and I won.  I won again in appeals court.  I was ready for the next appeals court, but they bought me out, I saw my opportunity and I got the bleep out of there. 

I'm kinda tapped out on the motivation department to start up a new homeowner's association or, more likely, a neighborhood assocation where I am living now.  This place is full of trailer trash.  That's the jist of it  People living in slum-like homes with unkempt properties overgrown with weeds.  I ran into too much opposition in even starting a Neighborhood association - that kind of association has no legal authority over anyone, it's just volunteers trying to make a community better - it was unbelievable the "in-fighting" that went on.  Little cliques all over the place.  Reminded me of my experience as the president in that MH park, I really thought about it and decided that at least for now, I am not going to do anything. 

Again, it comes to motivation.  What am I going to do?  For now, nothing.  If I really ever get motivated, it's going to be to go out and find a woman and get a relationship going.  I do miss certain aspects of that and no, it isn't all about sex.  I hate the idea of going into old age single and alone.  That really isn't a very nice thought at all.  I have tried a few times in going out on dates, but nothing ever clicked. 

So, I AM motivated in cleaning and home projects,I am not motivated in the arenas of life that used to be the core of my existence.  I DO love my job - albeit I ain't loving only getting 35 hours per week - I have no problem on 99% of any given work day in jumping out of bed and getting to work, even if I didn't sleep well that night, I'm still all over it.  I do love driving trucks, I just don't like doing that stuff in the city, which is, unfortunately, about 90% of my driving.

For me, there is no rhyme or reason to what motivates me to do any given thing.  It's never the same source.  Sometimes I just want to get something going.  Other times I have been wanting to do something for quite a while and  one day, the key goes into the ignition and it fires up and there I am, doing whatever it is I intended to do. 

Whatever the case, just writing this has motivated me to get up and go to the bedroom - I have cleaning to do!

ben