Another full day spent with the lady.  I met up with her at her store and her 3 youngest ones that she was dragging around with her - she does that regularly.  We went to Walmart and then Home Depot and then back to her house where I attempted to get some things done - the house needs help, we'll just put it that way.  She has 2 pretty little girls ages 6 and 8 and a 10 year old boy, I was trying to break through their barriers and get them to talk.  The 10 year finally caved in, the 8 year old started to show signs but the 6 year old has it stuck in her brain that I am going to marry m'lady (which is certainly not out of the question at this point, just down the road a piece)  and that she doesn't want another daddy.  Mom has attempted to tell her several times over that I wouldn't be a daddy or even a step daddy.  But she can't past it.  Her brothers apparently have asked her why she even cares, they rarely see their dad and he shows them little attention or love, he simply tries to buy their affection with money and letting them do whatever they want

But those kids don't need that.  They need direction and guidance and they need to see real love from a man to a woman.  Or in this case, from a man to their mom.

Of all the kids, though, there is one that is attention starved, going through a lot of mind battles and obviously needing and wanting an adult male's attention in his life.  This became so much clearer today as when he got home from school he followed me around all over the place and talking. He has a serious issue that he needs to get past in his life and though I would love to help him with that, I won't be around near long enough to be able to even put a dent in that particular situation.

When I was leaving, he followed us to the door and asked if I was leaving.  Yes, I am going back to the hotel.  Well, he wished me a good night, so I reached out my hand and shook his.  Of course, I wasn't leaving RIGHT away, lol, we walked down the road a piece, away from the house and - well you know - anyway, that's not really something I need to write to everyone else, a man with a woman that are in love with each other, figure it out, lol.

Where is this leading to?  I can't predict the future, this is the first visit.  She is dreading Saturday when I leave.  I won't want to leave either, I can assure you of that, there is nothing in me that wants to go home at this point as I consider Phoenix a hell-hole, I haven't liked living there in a long time and here?  She lives out in the country, away from the city.  The air is fresh.  She has huge pine and oak trees all over her 36 acres of land.  She has 10 cows and she rents out pasture to a lady that has numerous horses there.  There is a stream that runs through the property and a small pond - of the likes I am going to make into a bit bigger pond before I leave.  They go through some dry spells where water runs slow or not at all and that pond is what the cows use to drink water.  They tried to build a small dam at the outlet some time ago, but it was ill conceived.  There was nothing driven into the ground to support the dam and keep it from washing away, which is exactly what happened when a good rain came and the water just washed their dam downstream.

I'm loving it here, is what I am saying.  I didn't want to leave tonight, but I get tired at a certain point in time every single night and I have to go lay down and get some sleep.  It would be much easier to stay there, but it's written right into the divorce decree that - however it is written, boyfriend, man whatever - is not to be inside the house after 9pm, until/if/when marriage occurs.  It is all about appearances anyway. Some of the kids that were totally opposed to me coming and this relationship are now changing their minds.  I am very cool and good with kids of all ages.  I just know how to get along with them in their own language and that is something I both learned on the mission field and also in youth ministry in the church.

Well I am fading and it's time to go to bed.  But I am one happy man right at this particular point in time.

G'nite.

ben