As my mind and heart come around to the reality of what is going on here, I come to understand that my dad is not gone, but very much alive and very much well in the place he is now at.  I must understand that his new life is greatly enhanced and renewed because of that.  He is no longer suffering. His mind no longer deceives him.  He no longer goes through the circular thoughts of what he just said, asking a question twice and three times and then, after giving him a short reply, he remembers and then, he apologizes for his dementia.

Exactly what happened.  Yea dad, but I understand, it's okay.  It was strange but not totally disheartening to hear him asking if I was the person that lived across the street from them? Or hearing him saying I am a wonderful person in a way that doesn't acknowledge that he knows my relation to him. I went through story after story about our past together before he finally connected the dots.  It was difficult to see him laying in a hospital bed, in diapers, smelling badly.  The entire house smelled.  It took some time for my sense of smell to adjust to that.

And because I have a problem with smell now - after using some nasal spray stuff several years ago and it messing things up - I have smells that stick in my nose long after I have left the place that had that smell. I was 700 miles into the trip back home and still had that smell in my nose.  But, it got me to thinking about our humanity.  The fact that we often times come into this life as babies having to be nurtured and going out of this life in the same condition.

But, do we focus on the end? No!  We focus on the life that was lived! Especially a life that was well lived! A life that honored the Lord and gave Him glory! That was a testimony to His lovingkindess, His grace and His patience towards us.  For the Lord is God! He is worthy to be praised!

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Well, it's Monday evening. Did not go to work today and tomorrow is July 4th, so no work regardless tomorrow.  I have committed to coming into work for Wednesday and Thursday, but I must leave out on the road trip after work on Thursday to be in Sierra Vista by Friday evening at the latest.  I drove the car about 75 miles today, something I needed to do but just checking.  It's running fine.  I will simply head out Thursday and hope and pray the vehicle makes it through yet another extended trip.

The next pain is finding airfare and hotel in California.  I have been searching for awhile today on a large number of different sites.  I've come up with what i think will be the best deal, but I am waiting for mother to pull the trigger on her round trip airfare/hotel and see if I can at least stay in the same hotel as her.  But, I give it until tomorrow for her to do it. Wait too long and prices start to skyrocket.  Hopefully I don't get on the sites tomorrow and find they have risen $100 or more dollars.

Now, I am going to go through some old emails from dad and see if I can find some gems that I can share with people at the Memorial Service.  I don't know if there will be an open mic or not, but still, I can read a few snippets off the tablet if nothing else.

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Finally got the Jeep back today, took it on an almost 70 mile run.  Ran fine, albeit no AC.  So, I guess the thing is finally working.  I'm not interested in driving a hot vehicle around and right now? I have just spent a truckload of money on airfare and hotel stay in California, plus a down payment on the Jeep plus I have a trip to make this week.  I was going to do the AC on the Jeep myself, but the technology has changed since I last did it and there are tools that I don't have that would cost a small fortune to buy that would, in effect, make it more cost effective to have a shop do it.  They will have a warranty on the work.

The vehicle isn't likely to get driven much until summer is over.  I am going to finally finish the Polaris, though, just needs a bit more on the alignment and put some plastic pieces back on it and hopefully take it for a ride somewhere, sometime in the near future.  Replacing the AC system will be dependent on finances available, I think I was quoted almost $600 to replace the compressor.  It isn't just the compressor you are replacing, you have to replace the evaporator, usually have to replace lines, flush out the system, vacuum the system, check the system for leaks via the vacuum and then finally pump the freon back into it.

It's the 4th of July, the day is almost over. Going back to work for 2 days then leaving after work on Thursday for the trip back to Sierra Vista.  Caleb was asking for a ride down there, I told him he would have to be picked up the day before. I think he didn't like that idea but I'm not going to have to be leaving on Saturday morning to try to be there in time at 10:00. I would rather wake up in the hotel, have time for coffee, a shower, shave, think about things and then make my way the short drive over to the church.

I got a job offer, but it's so many hours and it's starting at the very bottom of the totem pole.  It would take years to get anything close to where I am at with benefits right now.  But I guess that would be expected anywhere.  It also requires Saturday work unless you work marathon days to get your minimum allotted work done before the weekend.  Like 14 hour days they were telling me.  I'm good up to about 12 hours, after that, I start to fade.  Not sold on that one.  The pay is excellent though.  Like so much more than I'm making now that it almost offsets all the cons. I say almost because I'm simply not convinced that that many hours, at my age, is a good fit for me. I'm going broke currently though.

I can't afford anything now.  The hour cutbacks are just too much.  They don't care that our annual pay is down significantly.  My savings account is almost wiped out and I haven't been doing much of anything.  My plans to buy another ATV are gutted.  I can't get the AC fixed on the jeep.  I'm uncomfortable with a paycheck to paycheck living situation I will be at in short order.  I did have a nice cushion of at least 3 grand for quite a while there, years actually. Sometimes it would dip down into the 2 grand situation but not often.  I am dumping a lot of money into 401k and have been for quite a while, not really something I want to cut back on, but I did reduce the contribution percentage recently.  I still have a good chunk of change going in there though.

I'm not sure what to do now.  I think a job offer with a bit less hours is what I need.  And guarantted weekends off or minimal weekends having to work.  I have no get rich schemes available and I have few options.

Well, whatever the case, enough for one entry, this one was days in the making.