Is this too good to be true?  How does something like this get dropped on my lap?  I have sought it for a long, long time and when it finally came and now in the middle of it, it is like a dream. I look into the dream and wonder if it will vanish, go away, turn to dust, dry up and wither away.  I ponder a life alone without anyone.  I ponder a life with her and with all those kids.  I wonder about giving up my house and all the work I have put into this property.  Years worth.  I look out my windows and see the fruits of that labor.

I think about the serenity of my current existence and come to the conclusion:  it is only an existence.  It is void of all the things that make a person feel loved and living a life to it's fullest.  What is there here? A desert full of heat.  A family full of contention and people that can't stand to be around one another for more than a few hours, a couple of times a year.  I hate to leave my mom behind, but she has money,she can come visit if she wants to.

I don't feel like I"m leaving my son behind because he has found his path and he is walking in it.  I have let him go.  Not gone forever, but in the spirit of a father letting go of his son, to go forth in life, find out about life, walk his own path, hopefully with the Lord and hopefully a good walk.  I can only pray and hope and yes,take some pride in the path that he has chosen.  I will never lose him, I know that and I have peace in that.

I have some trepidation, maybe call it fear.  What if we get married and then it doesn't turn out well?  What if this and that.  What if I can't make that difference in those boy's lives and all continues to go to hell in a handbasket? Yet I have a peace about this. She told me tonight they were all standing in the kitchen, laughing and having fun with the memory of the 2 days we spent at the pond.  Saying there is finally a real man around.

My mind is so full of clashing thoughts right now.  Can this work? Yes it can work! But what if this?  You'll figure it out.  What if that?  You'll get through it.  Over-analyzing, but maybe not so much.  Trying to dig up every fathomable thing that can happen and attempting to walk myself through it in my mind and come to a realistic conclusion.  I am not having second thoughts, I am attempting to grasp all of this in my mind. In my heart. In my soul.  In my spirit man.

Midnight, call it Sunday morning.  Got home an hour and a half ago. Dogs were all over me, then tenants.  I'm tired but winding down from traveling with a bunch of screaming kids making all kinds of noise in the airplane.  And kicking my seat.  And making me want to do things, such as pull off my belt and take care of business.  But I refrained from doing anything and that was that.

Good trip, though, as far as the visit is concerned.  I had 4 boys traipsing along with me to the lower pond on both Thursday and Friday.  I was intent on building the dam and they were intent on helping me - though the idea of driving a pickup and a tractor were certainly part of the allure. Still, they just hung with me for half a day like flies on honey.  I got the message: they want a man around and they need that kind of attention.  I'm not a person to sit around and do nothing and I do have a sense of humor though my kind is hard for people to figure out at first.  Those 2 days were very productive for me, not in building a dam though I got that 80% finished, but in terms of figuring out whether this is going to work or not.

For me, it isn't just about the Lady, it's about the entire family. I can love her to death but if her kids hate me, then what?  Not a workable situation.  2 days ago, the 12 year old blurted out in front of everyone and much to my surprise: I love you Ben.  He said it again a couple of hours later and then a couple of times since then. Then, the 14 year old - serious issues but the right kind of input would fix it I think - said the same thing.  The 15 year has been saying that since the night those kids found out about m'lady and I.  The 17 year old opened up quite a bit, much more than expected.  Several times, too, not just one occasion.

That was really all I needed.  I can go into more about all of this later, but this is the jist of it with those boys.  She is coming out here in February, no kids, time spent alone, it will be, for me, the final thing I need to make a definitive decision.  If that trip for her to here turns out well, then it is a done deal for me.  Let's do this.  I will propose to her and if she accepts, a entirely new book, not a new chapter.  I don't need new chapters in an old book, I need a fresh book started at page 1.

Enough. I am exhausted.

Happy New Year's!
10 am and I'm just getting out of bed.  In Texas of course, stayed up until midnight, then headed out from the lady's house and over to her store to sleep, 2 teenage boys in tow with me.  They wanted to come with for whatever reason so the lady let them and I hung out with them for a while and then headed off to my air mattress bed to get some shuteye at 2 am.  I think the last time I went to bed that late was at least 3 years ago when I was at the casino and was determined to stay there until I got my money back, which I did and then quite some more than that.

Well anyway, I arrived in Tyler at the appointed time on Saturday, she was waiting.  We headed off to one of her friend's house and visited with her for a while, went over to Smashburger and had some delicious burgers and hung out together and then back to the farm/her house.  The next morning, we loaded up the 15 passenger van and headed off to her best friend's house, about a 3-1/2 hour trip.  Met her friend and her friend's husband, hit it right off with him.  Spent the next 2 days hanging out with him, shooting the breeze and it turns out this guy is an airline pilot with United Airlines a captain no less so there was plenty to talk about, lol.  I love flying and planes. Not that knowledgeable about them but I love to talk about them.

Awesome people with a HUGE expanse of land filled with every imaginable kind of animal.  Second day there we went fishing and I caught a 4-1/2 pound bass shortly after we got there : )  Then, he said he had to head off all over the place, taking his daughter somewhere and taking his daughter's friend home, so I said yea, what the hey.  Spent all day with this dude but it was fun.  Nothing like meeting a complete stranger and hitting off so well you'd think we had been best friends for life.

Back home the next day,  pretty much hung out.  Got into another conversation with 2 of the older boys after mom told them in 6 months if it doesn't straighten out, they are goners.  I then took over the conversation and let'em have it.  In a nice and firm way, yes, but still.  The 15 year started tearing up and defending the previous week's actions: I have been doing a lot better!  Yes, you have, but there's still a long way to go.  He had apparenltly "forgotten" about the previous week's threat from mom - get rid of the tudes and anger or get out.  Well, he hadn't forgotten, that's why he spent the last week trying to do things right.  The other one I grilled pretty good, cause' he's the biggest problem child.  He didn't want to hear it and I didn't care, he finally started responding though.

After that, midnight hit, wished my lady a happy New Year, drug those 2 boys with me and they  played video games for a couple of hours.  I decided not to get into it with them again, you can't unload on teenagers all the time and not give them some happy time as well or they will simply not respond to you and you will lose them.  But I do intend on picking up this situation with their attitudes and how they treat their mother again and also telling them directly that if I marry her, and if you two are still around, you can expect that I am going to be ALL up in your business, as the current generation likes to say it, and I will not be relenting.

That's it up until this morning.  It's 11 am Wednesday, I just got out of bed half an hour ago, gonna take these 2 to Denny's for some breakfast and then head back to the farm.  Just an update of things going on.  The boys are all asking when am I going to marry their mom.  I just say when God releases it.  That's what I am waiting on and that's what it's going to be.  But I need more time with her and her boys. I must know that this is going to work.  And she needs to know that I refuse to live in a house that doesn't have peace.  Yes, there can be squabbles that's all well and fine, here and there, but on a daily basis with belligerent teenagers mouthing off and dropping f bombs and destroying things and all the rest of it?

NOT.  And that's where I am going with these problem children.  They obviously like me, like hanging out with me and being around me, that's cool, but I am not going to be their best friend if I marry their  mom and they need to know that.  I can be friends with them up to the point that it doesn't interfere with authority over them to tell them what to do, when to do it and get with it, shut your mouth, drop the attitude and let's get on with life.

Enough.

Happy New Year's to everyone again!

G'day.

ben

Sitting for what seems like an eternity at Dallas/FT Worth airport.  It's been a long long time since I've been here and I didn't remember how large this place was, it's huge!  An over  3 hour wait, gag.  Then a short flight over to Tyler and then meet up with the lady.  I'm trying to wake myself up, got up at 3 am and then fell asleep for a little while in a very uncomfortable chair only to wake up and find people staring at me.  Saved money on baggage check in by - not checking any in!

Lol.  Justtrying to figure how the next trip out will go in using Spirit airlines instsead of these higher priced ones and trying to figure out how to get from the airport to the grey hound station.  But I'm lacking motivation!  Guess I'll just have to figure it out next time!

I'm not sure about this trip though.  I gotta figure all of this out and I don't know if I am going to get the opportunity to do that.  It's not that I don't want to spend time with her, definitely do and most of it, but there has to be some time figure this situation out with the boys and whether my involvement in their lives is going to be accepted or not.  I can only do that by spending some time with them.  Hard to make a defnitive decision about this without being able to do that.

Going to church tomorrow and then straight down to whatever the name of the town is where her best friend lives and also has a slew of children.  They want to meet me but also would be good for her to visit with her friend, I don't think they've seen each other in a while.

Well sitting here writing an entry with people staring at me is a bit unnerving, have to pick this up later.

G'day.

ben

A rather extraordinary thing occurred yesterday.
At least from my perspective was.
I was talking with my lady and she was talking about how they are trying to get a computer monitor to work for the oldest boy (that is still at home anyway, there is one older one than him) so he can have his PS3 in his bedroom instead of locked up in mom's room.

Well, me being the shy person that I am, I interrupted him on a FB message and started talking to him about it.  I know a wee bit about video gaming myself.  Well this conversation exploded and was the first real conversation I have had with this kid.  He has been talking to his mother like she is a piece of dirt, he frequently drops f bombs on her as well. So I kinda had to put that aside in my mind and just attempt to talk to him as if I didn't know that, cause' otherwise, that conversation would have gone downhill quickly.

This conversation went on and off for 6 hours!  It went on so long that I completely lost track of time in talking with him, his mother, the 12 year old and the 15 year old.  3 different FB messages plus text messaging on the phone!  I can't do that today, lol, I have plenty to do after work in getting ready for leaving tomorrow morning for the second plane trip! Can't wait!  First trip I was a bit nervous because it had been so long since I had been on a plane and I had gotten seasick at San Diego this summer, but nothing of the sort happened and the flights were very cool and it helped that on every single flight, I had small, petite women sitting next to me! Versus big people with their skin hanging over, lol.

I am encouraged the more I talk to these boys.  They really just need some male adult interaction, good interaction, not the kind their dad has been spewing out to them. Though apparently he is every so slowly coming around.  I still think it was totally lame for him to take those kids on Christmas and not give them a single gift.  But, he's lost several of them already who don't like going over there and now they are getting some attention that doesn't include getting angry, dropping f bombs and throwing tantrums.  Not only that, but I broke in on the 15 year old when they were all over there and asked him to ask his dad how to start the van, the  security system was stoppinng it.

Well have to pick this up later, taking a tenant to the airport and yes, it's EARLY!  4:30 am!

G'day.
ben

All's well that ends well.
The lady got all the presents together, wrapped them, put them under the tree and waited for them to get back from dad's.
I haven't actually talked to her yet since then cause' she was too busy with them and presents.  But here's a few pics she sent :)

4 out of 9 of them, anyway.  But a pic of the oldest will never be posted on this blog unless he relents and changes his mindset towards his mom.  Oh, those are the gifts I sent them in those particular pics, there are mmore pics just figured to post a few.  Will be there in 2 days.  Spend the first day with her, then Sunday go to church and then head to her friend's place, kids in tow, which is like 150 miles away.  I have to have her friend's stamp of approval before anything else can happen, lol.

But in reality, I have been talking with her friend for a while now on FB messaging system and apparently I already have the stamp of approval, they just want to meet me and have some fun. Unlike her ex, I like to laugh and not just sit there stone faced all the time.

Meanwhile.  Morning after Christmas. Going to work. Gag.  Susan just came out and declared that "this going to work business the day after Christmas is for the birds".  I completely agree and then she announced that next year is the same thing! Noooooooo!  Two years in a row? No way!!

That's it. 2 days until I depart for round 2 of Texas. Probably start making some decisions internally about whether this is going to end up a permanent deal or what.  I think this particular trip will be telling for both of us as to whether this is a good fit - or not.

G'day.

ben

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas to everyone!

One of my favorite days of the year.  Give and get presents, feast with family (sometimes that works out, sometimes it doesn't end so well, lol), and just have a good time in the Lord.  At least for me.  I was  a little saddened that my lady's kids got nothing from their dad this morning :(  I don't know what it is about that guy.  He's got all 9 of them over there, the oldest is home from the Navy all the way down to the 6 year old girl and he had absolutely nothing for them.  No, it's not a money issue, he makes like a hundred grand per year, this is just how he treats his kids and then invents ways to blame it on her!

I texted the 15 year old this morning and he was clearly not in a good mood because of it.  When I told mom, she freaked out.  Well, she pretty much blew up.  That guy told the kids some story and that he would get them presents in a few days?!!!

Whatever.  We came to the conclusion that they would get the presents I sent for them today (versus waiting until I get there) and her presents and then her mom sent presents as well. They are coming home tonight so they will have a nice surprise waiting for them.

Whatever the case, Mark and Lynnette gave me some presents that blew my mind! A gold necklace, a new shower combo head set for my bathroom and a Subway gift card! Coooooool that!  And then more to come later on today at bro's house.  Very nice :)

Ummm, nothing much more cause' I'm about to call my lady and talk with her a few hours and then off to my brother's house.  So, wishing everyone a very merry Christmas and hope yours is a good one!

ben

Well here we are the Night Before Christmas. Okay, the day before the night before Christmas, lol.
Last night not so much fun.
She is in depression, she doesn't want to take meds for it at least temporarily to bring her out of it and says she will come out of it on her on.
Possibly, but when?  How long will that take? If I had known when I was going through depression after divorce that there was something out there that would make me feel a lot better, I would have taken it.  Not the rest of my life but until I figured out how to deal with all the junk going on inside of me and get past it and get some help from the church.

I can deal with kids that are rebellious and down and all of that, a little harder to sit here and say that I can deal with a person that is in depression and will be in such a state of mind for X period of time. She threw out some words last night that set me back: I don't care.  She was plainly speaking about our relationship and telling me out of the blue that she doesn't care whether I stay in it or not, that she has been getting rejected all of her life and if I do the same thing, it will hurt but will be nothing new.

??? Those words stung pretty good.  She ended up apologizing for it, I was ready to say goodbye to her.  I'm just a dude, I have feelings, they can be hurt as much as the next person.

Well whatever.  I'll be out there 4 days from now and I suspect some serious talk about this situation is going to ensue, I'll bring it up if she doesn't.   I can try to support her and help her in her current situation, but with depression, she is going to have to find her own way out of it, been, there done that bought the farm.  People can only say so much, at some point you just have to determine that living like that sucks, frankly, and then you just start pulling yourself up, with help from God at least for me, and get yourself out of that funk.

Well, that will occupy my mind and time for the next few days as I ponder where this is all going.  I knew time would bring out things in both of us and how we deal with them and if we can deal with them together is what will determine whether this is something that can work forever - or not.

Christmas at my middle brother's tomorrow.  I had all my gifts bought until they threw out a statement that so and so and so and so else were going to be there. Great. Nothing like giving a person time to get something, anything, to show up with for everyone there.  Gift cards and that's that.

Work today: as expected, nothing going on, manager not coming in, sit here and be bored all day.  Or not, lol, I'll figure out something!

G'day.

ben

Less than a week away from departure to Texas.
Meanwhile, major blow up last night. MAJOR blowup.
The 14 and the 15 year old giving their mom hell, to be frank about it.
To the point of cussing, fighting, throwing things, etc etc etc.
I can't to into all of it, WWW and all, but she ended up in her room, crying and sobbing hysterically.
The 15 year contacts me freaking out and wanting sympathy.
Are you kidding?
I gave him none.  Told him like it is and that was that.  His panicking started when she told him and his 14 year old brother that they have one week.  ONE week. Attitudes don't change, they are history, sending them to either dad's - who doesn't want them - or send them into the "system".  State custody in other words.  I talked to that boy for 2 hours on facebook messaging system. I talked to mom until she calmed down and could stop crying.  And then I told her his panic and flipping out - which was not designed to get mom's sympathy, only to tell her that whatever had happened with her over there with the sobbing and telling them she's done with them - might have actually had done some good.

The boy is telling me he's going to bed so I'm telling her that cause she's locked away in her room. By that point I had her in a much different mood, she was big enough to get up and go hug the kid, kiss him on the cheek and then tell him they would talk in the morning.

Soo who knows, the boy had a come-to-Jesus moment and told me how he was going to change and just totally panicking. I ministered the Lord to him for a couple of hours and then waited to see what was going to happen today.
________________________
Long interlude.  Now Monday morning.
Yesterday. The boy contacts me again.  I am sort of letting him go to his own devices for the time being, but if he contacts me I will talk to him.  Says he's doing great!  Yes, it turns out, he did more than just his regular chores, he had a great attitude about it and he was the only kid in the house that would actually do anything yesterday.  So I said good, proud of ya, but it's only one day.  Not to be a wet blanket but his attitude has basically sucked for quite a while now, getting far worse in the last month or so. I tried to be encouraging while at the same time being realistic.  I used to minister to teenagers long ago, I had lost some of my touch and connection in talking with them but that's all coming back now.

The point of saying all of this: I love that lady and I want to marry her - but I have to first make sure we are a good fit with each other and only repeated visits will tell that.  We talk on facebook or the phone all the time.  But that isn't the same as being together.  But secondly, yes I know what I am walking into with these boys and the oldest daughter - though she doesn't live there any more she still starts a lot of trouble and just shows nothing but hate towards her mom - but I have to know how and if I can fit in there and if I will be accepted by those kids.  Cause' if I ain't, pardon the poor English but not really, this ain't gonna work.  I can't walk into hell with a bunch of kids that totally disrespect their mom and worse than that and expect that I can just "live" with it.  Kids can be changed, but only if they are open to it.  You can force stuff on them, but that can pretty much lead to resentment and bitterness, which means a house full of hate.

I don't need or want that.  If the 15 year old continues on this new path,  that's a big stride towards improvement. The 14 year old is the other hellion, maybe worse than the 15 year old.  But I can't talk to him on FB because he has an "addiction" problem - bad - and he isn't allowed on the internet at all because of it. I would definitely try talking to him though, he's asked for help and she has tried to find someone to minster to him from within the church, looking for a man to do it since that's what he really needs, but I guess people taking on that kind of thing just doesn't apparently hit anyone's fancies in the Christian church today.

I understand it's someone else's kid, but there must be someone over there that the Lord can get a hold of their heart and impress on them to take that kid up as a mission field in itself and work with him.  She's been searching a long time now.  Their youth pastor is trying to help, but he's being pulled a thousand different ways, it's a pretty big youth ministry, that church built an entire separate building to accommodate for all of those kids.

It's not really a dilemma for me, those kids, I just want to know that they are going to be able to accept my authority in the house.  Because I will not back down to teenagers and especially rebellious ones that think they can do or say anything they please to their own parents without possibility of any consequences.

Monday morning. Well, 2 days of work, though tomorrow is a half day with the other hours paid by the company, Wednesday/Christmas off, back to work Thursday and Friday and then off to Texas, flight leaving 6am Saturday.  Just odd work week to have to go to work 2 days, get off the middle of the week and then back to work. My preference is a 3 day weekend end.  But that's just my preference, lol, I'll take a free day off whenever!  Regardless, there is plenty to do this morning at work and one huge delivery so that helps me a lot, especially early Monday morning and it's still dark out and you are wondering why you aren't in bed sleeping instead of at work - working!

G'day.

ben

There is one thing about this whole situation that has totally enamored me: all the attention.
I haven't had this kind of loving, focused attention in a long, long time.  I have been living my life alone for all intents and purposes. Surrounded by people, yes, but any kind of real relationship with anyone?  Just my son, the father-son kind and that IS something that I cherish and relish.  But that boy is on his own now.  Even if he comes back for a while, it won't be permanent and then he will be gone again.

And the attention isn't just from her, either, although if it was it would definitely be more than enough!  Her kids always telling her to tell me hi; getting on the phone with me and sending me all kinds of things through FB messages.

At the same time, her kids are a total disaster.  I am not saying that in a dissing or otherwise spiteful type of way, it is what it is.  They mess with her.  They get all up in her face and give her all kinds of hell.  They don't listen to her.  She asks them to do something and some of them will actually just walk away from her, telling her no!  God have mercy on my child if he were to EVER do that when he was growing up.  I was having an FB conversation with her best friend today, a real friend that has stuck through it with her, but at the same time, my lady has stuck through it with her friend through some pretty bad stuff as well.  Amazing that some of the best friendships are formed out of the most hellish and chaotic of circumstances, but I can attest to that myself.

Her friend had totally written the older boys off, proclaiming that she doesn't know how my lady has even survived this long. She flat out told me today that if those were her kids, she would be in prison now for assault and battery of her own kids, cause there is NO way on earth that she could have taken the amount of s*** that my lady has put up with.  I've just kept saying no, they may be bad, it may look hopeless, but that is not my take on it.  She finally came around today and said okay, there is hope for them, but something would have to drastically change because if it goes the way it is now, it's only going to get worse.

Totally agreed with her on that point.  I also said that my first reaction when I hear the stuff they say and do to her, I would just want to haul off and stuck a boot up their ass and make them feel reeeeaaaaalll good about what they had just said or done.  But I know that isn't the answer, they are in the same hell she is and they need something to grasp onto and get a hold of that will change their lives.  It isn't me, either, it's definitely God they need but as her friend said today: they need a real man around that place and she went further to say that her ex is NOT a man by any stretch of the imagination and going on to say even worse things.

She has seen it for 15 years, she knows the guy well enough.  It would be good for the man to get some counseling, he has already and finally admitted he is responsible for destroying that family. He rejects his own offspring to the point of telling the oldest boy still living at home that they - the kids - were the reason the divorce happened.  What kind of sick mind does it take to tell your own kid that divorcing his mom was the kid's fault?  But I flat out told her I have hope for them.  With the right kind of attention and influence, they can still be saved.

And she can't leave overnight.  I mean, like in the hands of the older boys.  Not even a happening event.  That house would come down, so to speak, by the time she got back. Blame the ex only? No.  Blame them both.  I don't believe she should be let off the hook, either, and her best friend certainly does not.  Let her off the hook, that is. She tells her like it is and that's a good thing. Her friend has 8 children, so it's not like she doesn't know what it's like to have a bunch of kids around.

Well that's enough. Pretty much what my little world has been revolving around for a while now.

ben

I dunno, but it's a roller coaster ride, I'll tell you that.
I got a bunch of kids now wanting to talk to me on Facebook - her kids - every day now.
I'm serious, I'll have FB messages popping up from any of 4 different phones.
12, 14, 15 and 17 year olds.  Oh, and the oldest girl even said hello a few days ago.
And at least 2 of them get into such serious conversations, you'd think you were talking to another adult going through a hellish time in their life or something.  Especially the 12 and the 15 year olds.

I don't really mind it, but some of these conversations are very draining attempting to discuss with a kid things in life that their father didn't care to discuss with them about. And no, we aren't going into sexual things, I draw the line there cause' they aren't my kids and doesn't feel right.  Well, in listening to her, their father doesn't really like to talk to much of anyone about much of anything, but if he really does have Asperger's syndrome, that would explain why.

Anyway, short little more time and I'm back off to Texas for another week. That will be the last of week long stays as my vacation hours are going to be down there, probably around 50 or 60 left after this next trip.  I am not going to use up all of my vacation hours early in the year.  I will - Lord willing and this relationship continues to grow - be making trips out there but not full weeks off from work.  Maybe 2 days off and include 2 weekend days and come back on a Sunday afternoon, get home late go to bed and get up for work type of situation, that's the best I will be able to do, much to her chagrin, she wants me out there much more frequently and that just doesn't work out either financially or with my vacation hours that are available.

That's my world, at least for now, that and time to be off to work!

G'day

ben

Monday morning.
2 Christmas parties this weekend, one with Church and one at the GM's of our company's regional area.  Both were good, though the one at the GM's pretty much had a bunch of drunk people that were somewhat out of control by the time dark came around and it started getting a bit later. Which isn't shocking or surprising, just that at a certain point, I had enough and went home, maybe around 9 pm or something.

My hunting buddy got a line on a deer - 8 pointer - and let loose an arrow which killed it dead.  His brother, who was set up at another location also bagged one.  Funny thing is, no-one else hunting in the area got anything - but that's simply because those people weren't even getting out of their vehicles.  I dunno how you hunt from a vehicle, I guess hope that one darts across the road.  It's not exactly legal, I can tell ya that but there wasn't a sign of Forest Rangers up there the 2 times I went up.  I'm sorta hoping I will get a deer steak out of his kill, but who knows.

So he's done with his hunt unless he can get another tag, I dunno how many bucks they want taken out of that area, gotta leave some around to mate with the does!

That was my weekend along with dealing with a person that has teenage boys who are at the verge of being totally out of control, especially the 14 year old of which I am assuming at some point she is going to have to call the police on to deal with.  He's already starting junk with her this morning about going to school.  She is going to have no choice but to dump him into the system.  Ex won't deal with him, never has which is how the kid got the point he is at in the first place and she is way smaller than this kid.  I dunno, I'm not there to help her with him and the rest of it, my hands are tied.

I could go into all of it but it would take forever a day and a half and it's Monday morning and I certainly do not feel like doing all of that right now.  Her 12 year old got on Facebook and then posted a message on my wall saying the names of the 2 older boys and how they were in a bad fight and to pray.  On my Facebook wall?!! I removed it and she had to explain to him why that was inappropriate.

Well anyway, another lovely work week and time to get cranking.

G'day.

ben

Well.  A temporary tenant in Caleb's room. This one paying cash up front for two months.  JUST in time for Christmas, really the only reason I wanted to put someone in there.  Not needy, either, has a jet black Mercedes sitting out front, came in with a lot of high dollar clothing.  Was looking for a place to stay for a couple of months to - golf.  Whatever turns him on!  Cool, too, not a jerkoff, at least so far.  My son's room is relatively small at 11X12 in dimension, at least compared to the other rooms in the house.  My house is nothing fancy and isn't worth a million dollars so no clue why he would want to stay here.  Don't care, either, as long as it isn't for ill will.  But, a LOT of people migrate here in the winters for golfing.  That's it. There are hundreds of golf courses in the Phoenix metro area and yes, we have winter grass - rye grass is what it's called - it is much easier to grow, actually than the summer version and looks much better.  It will only grow during the winter months and the summer grass dies out.  They simply seed use a machine to take most of the summer grass out down to almost the dirt and then seed the rye grass right over top of it.

Golf is big business here in the winter.  Just a bit curious though if that person is loaded with money why he wouldn't just stay at a resort or a fancy hotel.  Though, I can tell you that after a while, living in hotels isn't all that much fun.  Been there and done that.  Time will eventually tell - or not.  Who knows.  I just tend to keep my eye on new people here.  This guy's in his 30's.  The other new tenant - of which I have no clue how long he's staying here - is melding in with the crowd here as well. So, so far anyway, cool tenants.

So, anyway, the cash infusion was good.  Going on my trip to Texas, I wanted to have some extra spending money.  My Christmas shopping is all but done at this point, that wasn't really the issue.  I bought 8 out of 9 kids over there a Christmas gift, already sent and most of them already received.  The 18 year old girl, whose relationship with her mother is not good at this point in time, asked yesterday to my lady if I were going to get her a present as well.  Undoubtedly the 15 year old told her about the gifts, lol.

Whatever.  It's Friday, faced with either going up to the mountains or going to 2 Christmas parties, one tonight and one tomorrow after noon, Church and company party respectively.  I was really leaning towards going up to the mountains but I am now really thinking the Christmas parties will be much more fun and congregating around people.  In fact now that I think about it, definitely going to the church Christmas party, undecided on driving 50 miles one way to go to the company Christmas party, figure that one out tomorrow.
Enough for this entry, cause' it's time to go to work!

G'day.

ben

For Fin, the answer is: NO, the firewood situation has NOT improved! There are almost 4 cords of wood outside her house, maybe - ummm - 75 feet from the door to bring it in.  Some of those kids have literally flat out refused to either bring in wood or kindling to make a fire. It REALLY irritates me.  She goes and busts her @$$ all day long so those kids can have a place to live, food to eat and all the rest of it and I'm telling you, sometimes they treat her like nothing more than a pile of dog s*** on the floor.  Disgusting, abhorrent and unacceptable behavior.  Edited: I talked to one of them on the phone and insisted he bring in enough wood to last for a week. He actually did it!

Whatever, hope that answers your question on Facebook.  As for last night, I had this horrific dream.  Seemed like it went on for hours.  I was at work on the forklift.  I was lifting up a small Cessna (yes, an aircraft) way up high on the forks for whatever, unknown reason, would get off of the forklift, walk away from it and then the whole thing would fall over, destroying the airplane.  Time passed and I did it again and again and finally something like 5 or 6 times. I knew my "method" of doing whatever I was doing was wrong yet I continued to make the same mistake, over and over.  After the last time, the crash caught the plane on fire and then I was running to get a fire extinguisher when a face out of the past - a person I sincerely do NOT like - showed up.  I cussed him out, he backed down and then I ran with the fire extinguisher to the plane to put the fire out.  Then all these people were telling me it would be alright and all this stuff designed to encourage m and lift my spirits.  But I knew I was going to lose my job over it so I just decided that I was....

....oh hey, wait a minute, this Texas stuff is even pervading my dreams!  I was going to move to Texas!  Strange dream, though.  Really strange dream. I dunno why I get some of that stuff going here and there but when you wake up out of it, surreal.

Well, work is slooooow. There wasn't a single delivery or pickup to do yesterday.  Spent the day sitting around doing nothing until a truck came and dumped off a bunch of material.  Went through that and then back to nothing.  But I kept my mind occupied doing stuff online and thinking about the possibility of moving to Texas, that thought seems to creep into my mind a lot lately. Hard to ignore.

She has been going to counseling sessions which have been helping her immensely in how to deal with ex, family and kids.  Long ways to go but definitely some serious signs of improvement.  Meanwhile, the 15 year and I continue to talk on FB messages.  I'm not soft on him, either, cause' I don't like the way he treats his mother so I pretty much give it to him.  I throw other stuff in there as fluff, I guess, but it's kinda strange that he keeps coming back for more.  I literally tell him about himself, then tell him about the Lord and then send Bible scriptures to him.  Not exactly what one would think a 15 year old would want to be hearing repeatedly, over and over, but whatever, that's what I'm dishing out.  If I were THERE, this whole situation would change in a heartbeat.  I have no tolerance for mouthy kids that don't listen to their parents.  I just don't.  How I go about changing it would depend on their attitude towards me.

Well whatever.  Wednesday morning.  Went through yesterday a LOT of sites looking for cheap airfare - if she wants me to come out more frequently, then I have to find a LOT cheaper method of getting there.  I did find Spirit airlines going to Dallas for $127 round trip - that's pretty cheap folks - but the charge $30 for carry on or checked baggage, each way!  But again, I can send a UPS package in advance for $10.  Then round trip on Greyhound to the city she lives in for $54.  The only extra ordeal is getting from the airport to the bus station but there is apparently a city bus that runs between the two.  That's cheap, the whole trip, just saying.  I have been looking for airfare to the city next to hers - way too expensive for whatever reason to fly directly to her town - it's $337 for the cheapest fare i can find and that is not doable on a frequent basis.

It won't take a lot more trips for me to make up my mind and for her to make up hers.  She may have already made up her mind, I dunno.  I'm a bit more patient.  If God ain't in it, I want nothing to do with it.  I don't want another bad marriage, that's for sure.

Well, time to be off to work.

G'day.

ben

Just a quick note since it's early Monday morning, haven't written in days - well I have but I keep getting stopped in the middle of it - and it is cold outside!
High of 56 today!

Went up to the mountains again on Friday, we did some hiking about 3-1/2 hours worth - found the areas where we had been last time and the corn was all gone that was laid out.  The camera apparently was at a bad angle that we had strapped to a tree and didn't catch anything - the view of deer not in the pics.
We found a new spot, though, where deer obviously are hanging out quite a lot and that is where we decided to go ahead and mount the camera.

Archery hunting season starts on Friday, he is going up on Thursday afternoon.  I may go up on Friday and stay through Saturday and then leave.  I haven't decided yet.

Less than three weeks and another trip to Texas.  She is wanting me to come no less than once every 4 weeks.  That is a big money issue though and not one I can necessarily afford.  I have plans to try and locate a shipping container - the large metal ones - and convert it into a rental unit this coming year and that is going to cost some money to do. I need more income and that would do the trick nicely.

Well whatever.  Time is almost up.  Don't remember if there was anything in the system to do at work today, will just find out when I get there, but hopefully there is.

G'day.

ben

George - basically informing me he's moving out.  Exactly when, not known but guessing not too far in the future here.  I"ll be sad to see him go cause' he always pays his rent on time and we have mostly gotten along for the extended time he's been staying here.  His dad is apparently going to buy a house, George is going to move into it and make the monthly payments.  It's kinda hard to find people that will stay a while - that are normal people.  Not impossible but sometimes you gotta go through a few to get one like that.  Oh well, cross that bridge when it comes. The newest tenant is hardly ever here, wouldn't know he's here when he is, and pays me via email through the bank.  I have no idea how long he intends on staying, very quiet, stays to himself, doesn't much care to talk to any of us.  Which is okay, I can deal with that.

The lady and I went through a bit of a rough day yesterday....make that day before now, I started this entry and got busy with all kinds of other things.  One, the kid tenant who refuses to leave.  He has 7 more days. He hasn't actually been here at all in the last month or so, he obviously has some place to stay, so why he is dragging this out, I dunno.  But I am posting an abandonment notice on his door as well so I can have 2 justifiable means for packing up his stuff, putting it into a couple of boxes, changing the lock on the door and washing my hands of it.

Well I'm just going to have to finish this whenever, I don't have time this morning!

Time to be off to work!

G'day,

ben

Scored a 60" Vizio for my mom on Thursday's version of Black Friday at Walmart.  No need to body slam people, either, lol, police and security HIGHLY visible and present everywhere in that store, which was a very good thing.  I got there half an  hour before the 6pm sale started, got a wristband, got escorted to near front of line  - 10 back from front - was out of there and home at 6:22 pm!

I still gotta take the thing over there, though, which I am half contemplating doing today.  But only half.  I am woooooorn out from Friday's expedition up in the mountains.  It was crazy fun.  Up and down steep ravines looking for signs of deer crossings.  Poop and tracks to be exact.  He was specifically looking for places where trails cross and the more trails crossing each other the better.  We found 3 very good spots, 4-1/2 hours of hiking to do it and yes, my legs were toast after all of that.  We went 4 wheeling in his Jeep after that and then back to camp, had some dinner, sat around and talked for a few hours.  Sleep - in tent but I had my thermals on - up in the morning, a little breakfast and then headed home.  Going back next weekend with him to check the places where we went on Friday - he set up a camera at one of them.  Motion activated.  He's looking for a big buck and wants to be at the place where he will find one.

So, got home yesterday and nothing.  I hadn't been hiking that long in that kind of terrain in that steep of hiking conditions in a long, long time.

_______________________

Long interlude, Monday morning.  I ended up cleaning out both pond filters yesterday plus other stuff plus talking to the lady to the point that I ran out of time to finish this one.   I never did get to my mom's, but I didn't necessarily expect to anyway.  She's good with getting it whenever I get it out there, she's happy to have saved $300 plus on a very nice and large TV.

And got to ride and go 4-wheeling in a Jeep while up there!  That was my first time ever riding in a Jeep.  I don't recall as a kid going with anyone so it's gotta be.  We went camping as kids and all that - lots of camping in fact - but we didn't have anything that even faintly resembled a 4 wheel drive vehicle.  JP - the name of the dude I was with - took that thing up this "road" and was going at it.  Pics posted on FB, maybe post some here later on today or whenever I can get to it.  It was fun though!

We're going back Saturday for a day trip.  He wants to check his camera - motion activated thing that will snap pics of any deer down there that might be walking by and yes, there was fresh bear droppings too - and see what's up. He texted me last night and told me he's bringing a backpack for me cause he wants to drop some corn down there.  Well whatever works.

As for me, it's about time to get going to work. My legs? ......still rebelling against me. I put them to work on Friday, I haven't done a hike like that in years, maybe more than  a decade.  Not forever though, I used to hike quite a lot.  But to go on something like that and not even condition them for it?  Lol.

G'day.

ben

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving to whosoever reads this blog!  Which ain't that many, but still.  Lol
Just got back from mom's she cooked a full, traditional turkey dinner and it was fabulous.
My oldest brother not there - hasn't shown up to a Thanksgiving get together in at least 4 years  if not longer, can't really remember.  My middle bro was in good spirits, which was cool even though mom started some trouble with him about the gift he wants for Christmas.  I had to show mom what he had previously asked for on Facebook to prove to her what he was saying was true - kinda got ugly there for a while.

She went over and apologized to him after I showed it to her in writing (she asked to see it, not like I was dumping it down her throat).  Everything was cool after that, sort of.  Calmed down anyway.

I had seen this on the net before and had given it fleeting thought, but my brother brought it up.  He wants to sell his house, buy some property and then build a container house on it.  If you've never seen a container house, just google it.  It's a house made out of those large, metal shipping containers like you see on trains or ships loaded with them.  In other words, he doesn't want to owe money to anyone, including debt on a house.

The reason it intrigued me is an 8X20 container is only 160 square feet.  It's big enough to build an efficiency out of - meaning a potential rental unit- but small enough I don't need city approval for it. Anything under 200 square feet you don't have to have city permits and codes don't apply.  I'm always thinking of how I can earn some extra money.  I think you can get those things pretty cheap.  Cost me a couple thousand to turn the inside of it into a rather nice living unit - small but nice and then rent it out for $450 per month and have easy income.  That person wouldn't even be in the house - you put a very small bathroom and a very small kitchen in it and then the living room is also the bedroom.  This is probably the most viable idea yet and may seriously start to think about doing it.  Next year, though, lol, have my hands full until after the New Year's right now.

I'm packed ready to go - scouting expedition for an upcoming hunting trip of a son of an old friend of mine.  The son is all grown up, mid 20's I'm guess, married and 2 kids.  But avid hunter, totally into it, just the kind of person I have been looking for to learn from!  So, around 7:30 am tomorrow I'm taking off.  It's not even that far away, less than 90 miles from here to Globe.  I would call Globe sort of "mid-mountains". It's in the mountains but not that high elevation. However, where we are going is right there, next to it, a mountain range shooting up, though don't know the elevation.  So pretty cool that he found a place that close to go deer and elk hunting.  His motion activated cameras have caught quite a number of deer on deer crossings.

Girlfriend is having company over today.  Before that occurred, however, the older boys blew up and were fighting each other.  The 14 year old started trouble with the 17 year old, who ended up breaking a broomstick over his head.  The 14 year old punched a hole through the wall with his fist and made stupid threats at the 17 year old.  Then he went upstairs and took the 17 year old's clothing, apparently all of it, threw it into a shower and turned the water on.  Supposedly he came down and apologized.  Meanwhile, the 12 year old boy was throwing conniptions because he refused to clean up the kitchen so mom took away his new shoes.  5 times this boy came down and had hissy-fits but each time flatly refused to clean the kitchen (that is his assigned daily chore around the house).

I don't know how that ended.  What I do know is the 15 year old boy did not get involved with any of it.  This is the one that has been contacting me and me him after he started contacting me first.  I've been talking to him about his attitude, especially with his mother.  Whether I have anything to do with today's deal and him not getting involved in all of that, I have no idea, but I congratulated him anyway on a Facebook message.

That's it. I'm going to Walmart in a couple of hours to see if I can snag a big screen tv for mom.  Not a Christmas gift, she asked if I could get it for her.  Sure, I said, why not. I can try, anyway.  They are open at 6, which isn't really good and I hate supporting this kind of idea that a store should be open on  Thanksgiving, but I am going out of town in the morning and I won't be around for any deals.  And anyway, if you want that deal, better be there when they open their doors - though - Walmart has a 1 hour guarantee.  So even if they don't have it, they guarantee you will have it before Christmas.

Whatever.  I"m going to take a short nap before heading over there, turkey made me sleepy, just need a 30 or so minute nap to take the edge off.

G'day.

ben

The Everlasting Work Day.
There is nothing else to call it.
There was one small delivery today, the rest of the day was filled with - nothing.  Just nothing.  Boring, unending, almost tormenting.  When I'm at work,  I want to work!  It makes the day go by quickly and it's over before you know it.  Not when there's nothing to do.  It's just agonizing.  Seriously.  That's a lot of hours to burn with nothing to do.

Plus I was tired.  I didn't sleep well - woke up in the middle of the night which is nothing new but didn't get back to sleep for a long time.  So, dragging feet and nothing to do, makes for a very, very long day.

The moods around there are up and down and up and down related to kids, so many of them, how they are talking to and treating her and however she responds to it.  

Whatever, I'm just worn out.  I think I am going to go to bed early tonight.

ben

Never a dull moment with her family.  Older kids with attitudes, one of which she is kicking out - she is so pissy and foul-laced that I know I would eventually do the same thing after listening to that kind of attitude every single time talking "together".  The oldest boy still living at home - 17 - won't do anything including going outside and getting wood for the fire.  The high there today is going to be 37 degrees, she asked him to do that last night and he refused.

She is just biding her time with him, if his tude' doesn't change, she is going to kick him out come end of school year in May.  Hard to kick out your kids as soon as they turn 18, but I wouldn't want to live with that kind of abuse, either.

Then the 15 year old was told to go out and check fence line last night.  He got mad - it was like 28 degrees outside, but the fenceline had to be checked to ensure the cows won't get out in the cold (why it waited til' dark I have no clue), so he took the pickup, drove like a madman and rolled it in the pasture.

So I was talking to her on FB and she had gotten a call on the phone unbeknownst to me from ex, the people down on the west pasture had called him telling him what had happened. She blew up, was off line for quite a while, came back and got back on and gave a sketchy description of what happened.  Then, this boy started a chat with me and I just let him know all about it.  In as good a way as possible, but I was pretty blunt with him, talking to him about the way he and his brothers and oldest sister have been treating their mom and what it is doing to her inside of her.

That conversation with that kid went on for quite a while, took advantage of him contacting me, not the other way around but lightened up near the end since he's only 15 years old and can't really keep a person that age in a heavy conversation for too terribly long.

Funny that kid contacted me before talking to anyone else about it. He didn't even like me at first, told his brothers that over and over.  At some point he changed his mind about me, told his brothers that who immediately informed their mother.

It's an interesting situation going on  over there, that's all I can say.

Whatever the case, it's Monday morning, started the work day - nothing to do again, gag - and only a 3 day work week.  Get to leave for 4 days after clocking out on Wednesday. Ohhhh, that I could drive straight to the airport and fly out there.  Oh well, not a rich man, gotta keep the trips limited to every 3 months or more.

Anyway, Happy Monday!

lol

G'day.

ben