I walked into the courtroom - 15 minutes early allegedly - sat down and 2 minutes later the judge called her up to the bench and proclaimed I must not be there.  Apparently they had had this discussion and were waiting  Naomi had informed me that it was at 11:15, but obviously it was supposed to start at 11.  She - Val -- had an extremely fake smile plastered on her face.  I said nothing to her.  I didn't go there to get into it with her, I went to make sure that no shenanigans were going to be pulled. Not that I expected it, but you never know.  The judge recited legaleze, we agreed, he declared the marriage terminated and that was that.

I am now, officially, a divorced man, yet again. Easy divroce, no conflict, no disagreements on property, no children to deal with.  I was only gone an hour and got divorced, went to the gas station, went to the bank, another store, KFC for lunch and home.

When I walked out of the courtroom, she called my name - I was and am in no mood to talk to her - handed me an envelope with the 4 wheeler title - she has the other one for it's still over there and I haven't made up my mind about it - and then asked if I had made up my mind - which I have not.  When do you expect to? Soon. Okay, thank you and that was it.  And I assume that to BE it for the rest of our lives.  I really wanted to visit Duke's grave one last time before all of this was over with, but, too late.

I have no feelings of "freedom" like I did the first marriage.  A bit sad, actually.  Giving up as much as I did and doing what I did to marry her wasn't exactly a small thing for me.  She dismissed it - asking me what I gave up, as if nothing.

Whatever the case and not delving into that again, I have numerous decisions to make.  Stay, go.  Find a new job.  Start dating again or not.  Live here where I'm at if I do decide to stay or get my own place and rent out rooms.

I'm going to wait on any job decisions until after the New Year.  I likely going to start looking around for someone to start a relationship with.  Not positive on that one, just thinking about it.  Staying here is cool as long as they are cool with me being here, actually.  I'm just not sure I will want to stay in this region with what has happened.  I don't know how my thinking is going to be whenever I go into Longview now that we are officially divorced and thinking about all the memories - mostly bad unfortunately - and what occurred.

So, nothing has to be decided today.  They are home today as well.  Dude was told to stay home today for lack of work, she came home after finding out she has laringitis.  Don't actually remmeber how to spell that word, but if I recall correctly, it is highly contagious.  I don't realy need to be getting sick again now that I am finally just about done with the last garbage.

3 hours from now, I presume I will be a twice divorced man.
The daughter filed for a court hearing on Monday and got the
hearing scheduled for today.  How do you get a court date that fast?
And how do you get away with giving such short notice?  I was informed
that I didn't have to show up.  Lol, nice try.  Perhaps the judge will just
sign off on the paperwork - or perhaps not.  It's the tangent and possibility
of perhaps not that makes me show up to court, which is scheduled at 11:15 am.
It is also about a mile and a half away from where I live.  I took the day off
work to go deal with this, yes.  I want to hear the judge say whatever he/she
has to say about it.  If nothing, great, but I am not going to just leave it to
chance.  Not to mention she will have to be there and will be the first time
seeing her since she filed.  Yes, she ended this relationship over the internet
and I want to be there, in person, for her to have to see me even if the last
time.  Ending a marriage over the relationship?  That's just totally lame.

Other than that, everything else going as it has been. Still no word on raise or
promotion and keep forgetting to ask when I see the manager, but rest assured
I will be asking this week.  New driver still not doing very well - he knows how
to drive but he doesn't want to do anything else.  He wants us to help him pull
orders and load the truck. Well, loading trucks?  You better have that one down
yourself, bud, this isn't elemenatary school and we aren't your supervisors.  I
don't mind helping him learn, but he continues to talk as if he has never heard
any of it before, even though we have repeatedly tried to show him how to do
things.  After a while, it just plain gets old.

Addler - new pup - is doing good but he is showing some signs of aggression.
Mostly directed at one particular dog that they have here.  That dog pushes it, though,
quite a lot, nipping at him and growling.  Addler responds in kind - putting his huge
mouth around the dog's neck but not biting and growling back.  He then smacks the
dog with his giant paw and basically toys with it. I'm not a real fan of that kind of
behavior.  I think getting him neutered will help take care of this kind of stuff - I
just am going to wait until next month or even the one after to do it.  It's $300 for
the procedure.

Well the 3 hours has turned into 40 minutes.  I am only 5 minutes from the courthouse.
Nope, no parking issues, been by there dozens of times, there is ample public parking
across the street.  It's just go through the metal detector, go to 2cd story, go in the court
room, wait for judge, listen to judge, get this over with.

So, trying to find airfare home for or near Christmas - daunting.  I'm not going to spend a fortune.  If that's the case, I'll wait til' after Christmas and visit home when prices come down.  I was reading about potential cyber deals for tomorrow - Cyber Monday - if you are looking for anything cheaper than normal, please search the internet tomorrow.  You can find amazing deals.  Cheaper prices, free shipping, one day only stuff.  An article I read said that airlines don't typically advertise those kinds of fares in advance, you have to go to their sites and check on that day or sign up for their newsletter.

I don't have to be there on Christmas day to be happy.  I can be here on Christmas day and think nothing of not being home with family. The reason is simple: my family is stupid dysfunctional. The only one that really wants to see me is mom and she is quite content to see me whenever I can come.  My son is still in Portland and has not stated a return date. He is apparently liking it there very much.  Maybe he will just stay there indefinitely, who knows.  He's on an adventure in life and though he isn't really learning anything for any kind of career - I did the same thing at his age and I have absolutely no regrets.  I take that back. He has done he gen-ed courses and was studying to learn Japanese. I don't know if he's going to finish.

I did recently have an internet college student encourage me to take some online classes.  I have only considered it thus far.  If I can find classes that don't cost a fortune, yes.  But if they want 30 40 50k, they can stuff it.  How is online worth the same or even more than going to a brick and mortar building and having access to teachers in person? They will give you all kinds of answers - I have been through this process of trying to find an online college - but their answers are lame.  No buildings to pay for, upkeep, taxes, electricity, water, etc.  Well they have a home building, I guess, where their computers are located, but nothing near as grandiose as a college.  I jsut refuse to pay premium rates and get into loans for online courses.

The other option is community colleges.  Allegedly they are pretty cheap in this area - I can attest that in the Phoenix area, they are not. But then again, Phoenix and surrounding cities are college towns.  ASU is the biggest but there are a LOT more colleges there.

That is a tangent I didn't even think of going into here.  My head is still wrapped around going over to her place today.  I'm glad I haven't been over there in months now, It would have been much harder to unravel my mind and heart from all of that if  for whatever reason I had to go over there.  I don't - actually - miss her that much.  I'm not sorry to say that, not after all I've been through.  But she has a beautiful, gorgeous property.  Not anything even remotely close to being a good reason to stay in a very toxic and bad relationship, but still.  That's a property I could never afford - though property out in the wild blue yonder in the middle of nothing ness is definitely affordable.  Don't underestimate the profession I am in.  Drivers can live literally anywhere if they are OTR and can take the truck home with them.  Not interest in OTR, but could do regional.  I'm definitely not married to my current company, not at the pay scale I am at.

This has been a strange day.  It has also been raining, non-stop, all day long. I didn't care about that over there, though.  I didn't make my co-worker get out of his vehicle over there.  He wasn't dressed for the occasion, lol. He had his two young kids with him.  He has custody of them. The mom is a lunatic.  I mean, to the point of having to be hauled off to jail last weekend because she showed up to see the kids and went off on Terrance's mom.  The kid's shoes out in front of her house. I had never seen that before and it dawned on me that all of those shoes are shoes that I bought for those kids. They weren't near my stuff that was left out there.  I am perplexed by that.  Did they somehow think I wanted their shoes back?

I don't know, but we are now entering the final stage of the divorce.  It will be scheduled for a short hearing before the judge. But it's not really a hearing. The judge looks over the paperwork and - signs off on it.  The daughter eluded to me not having to show up.  Umm, no, I'll be there, thanks.  A judge has no restraints by a piece of paper worked up by consenting adults.  He/she may look at the thing and have questions.  Or, she/val could bring up something to change in the paperwork and if I"m not there? Default judgement.  I don't leave things like that up to chance.  I politely told the daughter - Naomi - that I will be there, please let me know when it is, thanks.  I don't really ever want to see Val again after the things that she has done, but I will endure it for a short period of time to ensure that nothing happens that I can't object to.

________________________________________

Sunday evening now. Started this post yesterday.  I have all kinds of thoughts running through my mind.

I spent the day cleaning - well not all day, but a lot of it.  My room, laundry, their kitchen. They had people over last night and there was a great deal of aftermath. I don't complain about it, but I wanted to cook this morning so I cleaned the entire mess up while cooking  - after cleaning off a space - and got that all done. I'm old enough to be dads to most everyone that shows up here. Which doesn't bother me, I'm just saying, it is a generational gap and though I can relate with much of it - I cannot relate with all of it. Anime for one thing.  This is Japanese version of adult cartoons.

Anyway, I still have this vision of her place when I came down the driveway and saw it for the first time in quite a while. And yes, it is DOWN a driveway.  You come up a long driveway, through a horse ranch and then over the top and back down again.  It is a very secluded place.  Anyway, those 2 4 wheelers were sitting in the grassy area in the driveway circle, faced directly at - me I guess - as I drove in. If I weren't at the mercy of the dude coming behind me to pull them out of there, I would have taken the time to visit with the cows and then go down and spend a few final moments at Duke's grave.  

There are other ways in there, that place is so far from her house and out of sight - completely out of sight that I could visit it coming from the undeveloped land beside it.  Why would you want to do that?  If you aren't a dog lover and haven't had a dog has been in your family for an extended period of time, you won't understand it. If you have, you might or might not. Duke was such a gentle spirit. I've had a lot of dogs and very good ones, but Duke was very special to me.  And others as well.  Val's babysitter that was watching the kids during the summer has numerous photos of him posted on her Facebook wall.  She explained to me that he kept her company during lonely nights - kids off to bed, Val in her room, I'm thrown out, she's a 20 something downstairs, alone, dog keeping her company.  I suspect she loved Duke as much as I did from her description of it and after seeing pics of her and him after he passed. I had no idea.

Oops, past my  bedtime. I was just getting started, actualy.  Really, I was.  Oh well.

Well.
We were supposed to meet up at 11am. But my co-worker ran into two problems.  First, his brother decided he couldn't use his trailer.  My co-worker - Terrance - said in a text "he's being a d***".  Yup, family can do that.  Nothing new under the sun. So, he ended up borrowing one of our outside salesman's trailer. But didn't know what trailer he was getting from who. Second, he was pulled over by a State Trooper for lights out on the trailer.  It was a simple fix: the pigtail connector just not on good enough.  Terrance is a pretty laid back dude, so for him to say the Trooper was treating him like a - d*** - was not surprising since some law enforcement can definitely act that way even if you are being totally respectful, but still.

He finally showed up an hour and a half late.  But that phased me not, what did phase me was when I saw that trailer.  Umm, Terrance, both of the 4 wheelers are likely not going to fit on there.  Well, maybe we can lift one up into the back of the pickup? Terrance is a big boy - but not that big.  That's a long way off the ground.  I'm not busting my balls over anything, not after what happened to me earlier this year and subsequent pain coming and going.  Infrequent and low pain, nothing like what it was when it first hit me.  I fear this going on for the rest of my life.

Regardless, we get over there, my stuff outside in a box.  I didn't have that much left over there, but I knew my satellite dish wasn't fitting into that box by itself, much less with everything else. But that was quickly located after she - the daughter - called mom.  No-one home, I didn't expect anyone there, though interesting to see all of the kid's shoes lined up outside.  Yet, the minivan was gone so I knew she was gone, the kids likely at dads house.

Brought back some - feelings - going over there. The cows recognized the sound of my car and started howling at me.  Good memory for cows.  I got out and started talking to my coworker who pulled up behind me and those cows started going crazy.  They're 300 feet off, btw, out of sight, not like they could see me.  I went into view of them and the black one just went into a non-stop litanny of screaming, mooing and howling.  Mostly a howling, screeching type of noise.  Hungry cows, I thought, not anything I can do about that, that's her department.  Both of my 4 wheelers were sitting side-by-side out front.  Nathan had this whole thing pegged long ago.  It would never work.  I saw a piece of paper in a plastic bag taped to the seat of the Honda.  I knew who it was from before I picked it up, opened it and read it.

His name isn't Nathan. It's Nathanael or he likes to go by Nate, but I called him Nathan from the get go and that is how he referred to himself in the letter.  I guess I wasn't prepared to deal with that.  No, I definitely wasn't prepared to deal with the content of the letter.  Very touching message from him and very much asking if I would give him the 4 wheeler as well.  We had discussed that - several times in the past - "if" it didn't work out between us, his mom and I that is.  He always said it would never work.  "Nothing good ever happens to us".  It threw me off kilter.

But, I still got busy. Pulled the big 4 wheeler up in there first and pretty much figured the Honda wouldn't fit.  But I tried anyway.  Nope, won't fit.  Sat there for half an hour trying to figure out a way to get that thing in there.  If I'm going to have my druthers, I'd druther have the big one.  It cost a lot more than that Honda and it is an automatic.  That thing is a beast.  I love that thing! I really don't even like riding the Honda, I got it for Nathan at the time. That was quite a while back.  It's a 5 speed manual tranny. I push gears all over the place too much at work.  I am pretty much a fan of automatic transmissions unless it is a truck/semi or a motorcycle.

We really had quite a close, tight relationship for quite a while there until he = well actually he got into teenager stuff and that is really quite normal.  It started coming back near the end.  I'll never forget the last words he spoke to me the last time I saw him: Ben, I may never see you again.  Why do you think that? Because you and mom are a very odd couple.

The reality of it is, if I could have fit that thing on that trailer, it would be here right now. But, I am very happy to have most of my stuff back - though my shop vac wasn't there - I didn't ask for it, though.  I figured she wanted to be done with me and that anything I had bought she would be dumping out there.  Actually, her memory is very, very poor, she may think she bought that thing.  I would have asked for it today as well but it totally slipped my mind. The letter from Nathan threw me for a loop.

Well, I wrote him a letter back.  Nice to hear from you, I'm sure you will do well in life, stuff like that.  I then said that I couldn't fit that thing on the trailer anyway, I would think about whether or not to give it to you and I'll get back with your sister when I decide.  I'm going to think about it for a few days and then give him a reply.  I wouldn't ride the thing, to be honest, but I could sell it for - around $900.  It needs front tires and a part to fix the rear brakes.  Other than that, it's in very good condition.  No, it's in excellent condition besides those two things. Okay the clutch, but that was there in my mail, I ordered it two months ago.

Well, that's enough for now. It's Saturday.  Dog woke me up early - as normal for that dog. He's my new alarm clock.  A cold, wet snout that big being pushed into your sleeping face at 5:30?  Wake ya up every single time!

Time to take a nap.

This blogging format is much different than the other one. Had forgotten it's nuances.
Anyway, tomorrow is, hopefully, the big day.  I was talking to a coworker about what's going on - he always asks - and he said he could get his brother to come and help him move my 4 wheelers to my new residence.  Okay, I'll take you up on that.  Numerous emails and texts later going both ways - Val's daughter and this co-worker - and we have it worked out for tomorrow morning at 11 am.  I don't care if it's raining, which it is forecast to do, I want my things back and the only things I can't bring on my own are the 4 wheelers.

I'll give kudos to the daughter for not getting personally/emotionally involved and making any kinds of "comments".  I have said nothing to her like that, either.  Keep it friendly, keep any angst out of it, let's get this over with.  I'm sure she's elated this is happening.  Which doesn't bother me.  In reality, if Val really wanted to remarry, she should be remarrying previous ex.  He is nothing like she makes him out to be.  I know this from talking to him myself, others talking to him and yet more saying that Val - brings alot of this stuff on herself and blows things way out of proportion.

But that isn't anything I am going into here, I've done enough of that already - infinitum - on this and other blogs.  Whether it's God's will or not, it's happening, she has her head set on it, it's almost a done deal.  After tomorrow and presuming this actually happens, I will sign off on the paperwork at her place - after everything is loaded into the truck and my car and I determine that nothing has been intentionally trashed, mostly directed towards my 4 wheelers. I won't go further with that thought, I am hopeful they are still in the same condition as when I last saw them months ago.

Thanksgiving was quite wonderful, changing the subject.  I was fortunate that they invited me - they being my landlords - to their feast along with their friends.  I visited with them all the entire time they were here, enjoyed very good food and was thankful I wasn't alone for that particular holiday.  I was also thankful that my middle brother didn't leave my mom alone for the holiday - he went over and helped cook Thanksgiving dinner and spent it with her.

I don't know about Christmas. Will be a very different Christmas than last year, when I was going around having fun finding presents for everyone and generally attempting to enjoy the season regardless of one particular individual that takes no or very little joy in any celebration, even her own birthday.  I have mixed feelings about it - but it is what it is and the course is - well almost unchangeable.  Anything could happen, but for my part, this relationship is completely over with, just the formality of the legal process to get it officially over with.

I don't even known what I am doing for Christmas.  Air travel during these 2 holidays isn't cheap.  I wouldn't actually expect it to be.  I just wish it wasn't so far, I could drive there.  You just aren't going to drive 1,200 plus miles in one day.  I might could make 1,000, but 1,200 is absolutely too much. Ive done more than that in a truck and I was hating life at the ends of those trips.  Trying to stay awake and get the miles behind you.  Anything over a day's drive makes it undoable.  More time on the road than spent with those you are going to visit. Well, I could do one of those week off things and have enough time to spend.  I don't know, but I am not considering doing that for Christmas.  Just too much.  I will likely be dealing with thoughts of last Christmas and a failed relationship , as much as I don't want to do that, driving just gives even more time to dwell on such things.

I still affirm, though, that I am ready to start dating whenever the court says this is a done deal.

I did go to Walmart last night, but not until after the  initial madness was over.  I wanted to get Christmas lights and ornaments, but the line to get into that area was well over 100 people long.  They wouldn't let me in there to look at lights - I had no interest in the electronics that everyone was wanting and that was the line was for, not for lights and ornaments.  I gave up on that idea and eventually found some nice winter, long sleeve shirts on huge mark down and socks as well.  There were 5 cop cars parking in front of the store and even more patrolling the parking lot and adjacent areas.  Small town.  It is entertaining to watch people yelling at each other, running into each other and everything else that goes into a Walmart sale such as this.

Anyway, I went into work this morning, no-one was there. I wondered if they had changed their minds about opening up shop. The new driver showed up 15 minutes later and then? No-one for another hour after that.  The manager showed up, sent the new driver home, had me pull an order for Monday and the yard man - swept floors.  At 11 am, he sent us home.  Now, I get paid for a full day and I knew they would be closing shop early.  That's why I went into work this morning, so I wouldn't lose another day's worth of vacation hours since I'm taking a week off coming Christmas week.

After work, I went to Home Depot and found much better pricing on one day sale/Black Friday than Walmart had. I didn't spent that much, I just wanted lights and the crowd was light.  Down the street, Family Dollar had a package deal of ornaments, got that for 5 bucks and then headed home.  Visited Addler for a while, then off to Lowe's - got a 3-1/2 foot Christmas tree, put the lights on it and then? Forgot that you have to buy the hooks for the ornaments, lol.  Maybe tomorrow after getting my stuff back. Actually, landlords might have some.

I did buy myself a Christmas present today. Online sale.  A 20 inch desktop computer monitor for $59. That's an awesome deal. The one I am currently using black out frequently and was going to buy one off of Craigslist. But, can't go wrong with Newegg.com.  I'm going to buy my mom, maybe my brothers and probably my landlords a present this year and that's the end of it.  Last year was a far more extensive list.  I bought something for 7 out of 9 of her kids and her as well.

Oh, got some 99 cent Poinsettas at Home Depot today as well.  I mean, you aren't going to find them at that price even at Christmas when they are trying to get rid of them.  One day sale on those.

I'm very hopeful about getting my stuff back.  4 wheelers can be ridden in this neighborhood.  I dunno if legally or not. Next door neighbor is a Sheriff deputy and his kid is riding their 4 wheeler around here all the time.  Not that this is a good place to ride them, but a joy ride once in the while? Yeah.

Divorce won't be done - through the courts that is - til' after Christmas. And then, I will have some decisions to make.  Much of that will depend on what my company says either about the promotion or the pay raise.  Though I am about giving up hope on either of those.  It's been quite a while and no word back.  That isn't exactly a good sign - the other driver wasn't given an answer either. Actually, that's pretty lame.  Other driver is training to get his CDL A and then he's going to quit.  He's young.  I ain't young, though I have more options with as much driving experience as I do.  Just the idea of starting from scratch with a new company, gag.  I keep holding out hope they will up the ante, but something in me tells me that isn't going to happen.

Well, enough.  My tree is up and full of lights! I just wish I had remembered to get hooks to hang my ornaments!

Well.
I found more fencing, but it's soooo far away, just doesn't seem worth driving that far for it - though the price is fractional of what you would normally pay for it.  I mean, 10 cents on the dollar type of fractional.  Not really much else I am going to do back there until I get this resolved, so I am really kinda trying to ramp this up and see if I can find something a bit closer.

They are gone for the weekend - which really doesn't change much of anything for me, won't be doing anything different than I normally would.  Cept' cleaning up after Addler.  He has decided that crapping on the cement is a fine place to go doo-doo.  Silly dog. Oh well, the stuff has to be cleaned up regardless of where he does it, just a lot less visible and mess to clean up in the grass.  Likely he started doing that because of the rain, but rest assured, once a dog finds a place in a yard they like to do it? It will stay that way forever no matter how hard you try to get them to do it elsewhere. Ample experience in that department, a fruitless waste of time to even try.

I was going to take him for a walk today, but my outing to the hair salon and then Walmart nixed that.  I wasn't even doing that much and I was getting winded. Still sick, just gonna take it easy, the dog will live without it until I get better.  I did get my little space heater - that bathroom is cold in the morning and we aren't even close to what it's going to be like this winter.  Found thermals - finally - at Walmart and got what I needed of that as well.  I'm pretty much set for winter at work now.  Thinsulate caps, waterproof boots, thermals, thermal sweater, alpaca socks, just bought a camo overall at work - it's very heavy, very thick.  Work coats, gloves, not much else I can think of.  I am not good for being at work and getting wet and cold and having wet feet all day long.

But I am growing more and more weary of this workplace.  The other driver and I pretty much unloaded on the manager - in a nice way of course - about the "new" driver.  He is lazy, just wants to sit behind the wheel of a truck all day long.  He hates working in the yard and has made that unendingly clear - to us anyway - he keeps that s*** zipped around management.  No matter, management knows. He is still a temp driver and I hope they get rid of him and try someone else.

___________________________________

Well this is moving right along. She apparently must think divorcing a person after 5 months of marriage is - somehow - normal and shouldn't be a big deal? Val, that is.  At some point, I do intend on addressing - via email since that's the only way she will even respond to me - the totally lame way she ended this relationship.  Taking my stuff here - now called home - without telling me and then down the road, ending it by sending me copies of the divorce papers via email. There was no, Ben, I want to end this relationship - usually done in person, certainly concerning a marriage.  In fact, there was never any of that. It was just here's the divorce papers, here we go.

In any case, her daughter has the papers finalized and asked me if I wanted to see it via email or just read it when she gets here?  Ummm, yeah, nano-second's worth of thought: email it to me for I am going to read it all over.  If there is some legaleze in there that I don't understand, you can be rest assured I will fully understand it before any signing off occurs.

I will be looking for a female friend - and a friend only to start - pretty much right after this an official decree is made.  Why? Because I desire that kind of relationship.  Because now I won't allow myself to get dragged into an unhealthy one.  I went the full route with this one because that's what I came out here for.  It may be faulted reasoning, so be-it.  I came out here to marry her, I certainly had no other business to transact here.  I never even heard of Longview, TX before she came along.

Enough for now. Awaiting her (daughter's) reply.  The "Final Decree" is just another form.  Apparently Texas just does forms for doing divorces.  I'm glad I didn't pay a lawyer, this is all very simple and very easy to understand. I approved the decree, the only other thing - for now - that I have to do is sign off on it ... and....she has to bring over my stuff.  That is not debatable.

What do you do with a relationship where the other party find very little to nothing good about much of anything you say or do?  Get out of it.  Was just thinking about all of this nonsense today.  I may have to give a judge an answer - if asked about why this is happening - and I need to be sure to come up with a good one.  There is no man on the face of this planet that could ever fulfill all of her demands, I know this for a fact.  I continue to remind myself of this and many other things about what happened between us, over and over.  For likely, I am being extremely negatively talked about in her "circles" - which aren't big and likely being blamed for all of her current woes in her freedom group at church.  I know how she talks about her ex and about her kids when they leave and how she is generally.  I've actually not been talking about her hardly at all to anyone, not even the people here at the house I am living at.

I don't need to defend myself and anyone that knows her already understands.

The weekend is here.  I am still not feeling very well.  I will likely do a few things around here just because I want to - but anything that takes a lot of energy? No thanks. That will just make me start hacking and coughing and extending the length of this illness.  I am, actually, still looking for fencing for the back yard.  I found some not too long ago but I never got an answer, even after I changed my "bid" to simply agreeing to pay the full price they were asking.  It was enough fencing to do - far more than I needed.  There just aren't many options in this area.  Either pay full price for the materials or continue to search and hopefully find something.  I just don't want to drive to Dallas/Forth Worth area for it.  But eventually? I will if it comes down to it.  For the project is on hold indefinitely until a fence is erected around the desired improvement area.

And I'm not leaving Addler out of the fault here. He is a giant, goofy, clumsy Great Dane. He would likely do as much damage to any beautification area as any of the rest of the dogs.  He hasn't done anything yet - but the other dogs have pretty much taken care of everything.

________________________

Well lookitthat.  I just received, while writing this entry an email from her oldest daughter.  She writes "I'm doing the divorce decree for y'all" and so forth - speaking as  if it were some trivial matter.  But whatever.  She asks for information to get this thing over and done with.  All fine and well, and I gave her most of it, but, I flatly stated that I will not agree to signing off on anything until she lets me come and get my stuff back.  I will go before a judge before I sign off on what - just letting her have my stuff?  SCREW THAT.

Well there have been numerous emails now, as I got sidetracked from this entry - which happens pretty much every time I start writing one - and she started emailing me back.  Basically, she writes up the decree, brings it over here with my stuff including my 4 wheelers and I sign off on it, walaah, done deal.  I guess.  Judge still has to sign off on it, but she does work for a law office at least. I want this done soon.  I told her I was tempted to just come get my 4 wheelers regardless. I'm afraid they are going to destroy them intentionally. At least this one is remaining neutral.

Whatever.  I'll get her the info tomorrow - I plain don't feel like it tonight, have to dig out VIN for my car.  She is going to be informed before she comes over here that I will be reading every single, last word of whatever she is bringing for me to sign and if I don't agree with any portion of it, I will summarily reject the entire document.  Prudence dictates - at least for her - that she simply send me the text via email beforehand. But whatever.  We're taking steps in the "right" direction, I guess, in getting this over with.

Enough.  I'm tired, time to get some rest.

I got to work this morning, realized there wasn't going to be any runs for me to go on and immediately wanted to go home.  I was totally out of it.  But I got busy with some stuff that - I had organized 2 weeks ago and the alleged yard man simply trashed since then. The warehouse manager asked me to pleeeeasse go out and clear that area up.  Dude, I JUST cleaned that up 2 weeks ago.  There isn't any good reason for it to be like that already.  Noooo - in his extremely deep-throated voice normal for him  - there isn't.  

I didn't argue with him, just went over there and cleaned it all up and reorganized the entire mess - again.  There is speculation the yard man is going to lose his job.  I don't really wish that upon him, but, at the same time?  He is totally sucking at what he is supposed to be doing and we aren't talking an extremely difficult job.  He likes to play on his phone, sleep, take off on personal errands and flap his lips in the main office with certain individuals more than he likes to - work.  

It was just non-stop garbage all day long. Doing the stuff the "yard man" "refuses" to do.  Which is most everything that he is supposed to be doing.  He's out for the week on vacation.  I proceeded to clean up the pipe yard for the - 500th? - time, including hauling a bunch of a certain type of pipe out of that yard to the new yard next to the main yard - which is across the street.  I loaded it all on the semi.  Once over there? I got the fork lift stuck. We are talking a huge forklift with HUGE front tires that have giant knobs on them for traction.  I thought it was funny.  I got it stuck, so I backed the semi trailer up to it, hooked a chain to both frames, found the other driver and got to cranking.  Tires spinning, I actually had to engage the interaxle lock to get that forklift out of that mudhole!

The day went like that - ALLLLLLLL day long. I was SO worn out by the time it was over, I barely made it home. I just wanted to stop on the side of the highway and go to sleep.  I'm totally serious. I'm forcing myself to stay up until at least 8:30.    

That's it. Just about passed out on the floor after I got done there to play with Addler.  

I had til' Friday to file a reply.  The rules state the third Monday after the papers are served and
Monday is the third, so I guess Monday but I don''t play games with stuff like that.  I am not going to have a "default" judgement against me considering the high stakes of her debt on the line here. Not that she is going to try to dump me with that.

Of course, that meant filling out the paperwork, finding a place to get copies of it made, going to the courthouse and filing it and then stopping at the post office to send her a copy as mandated by the court.  It's pouring rain outside and has been all day.  I'm still feeling quite bad and doing this wasn't exactly something I wanted to do, but I plan on going back to work tomorrow unless I just can't do it and that means I have to do this while I have time off.

The pleasant surprise was when I got my wallet out to pay to enter my reply.  Umm, no dear, it doesn't cost anything, did you bring any copies? Uhh, yes, I have 3 copies here.  Okay, well let me sign off on those and file your paperwork and that's it dear.  I had expected to have to pay the same amount she paid ot file - which was almost $300.  I'm not complaining, obviously.  Well I remember it costing hundreds of dollars to reply when my "first" ex filed for divorce in Phoenix.

Well, my celebration was to go get something to eat - though I had planned on that anyway because I simply do not feel like cooking.  I dont' feel like doing anything.  I have very little energy.  This is a head and chest cold. It isn't allergies, it's a full blown cold with the junk going on in my lungs to make it far worse.

I left Addler outside during all of this - he won't be in the house when I'm not here.  Albeit it it is pouring rain, the rear porch is covered and there is a huge carport in the rear that is also covered. If the dogs don't want to get wet - they won't.  He was lightly moist on his fur but no wetness on his paws.  I have been lucky so far. For not being a house-broken dog, he hasn't done anything in the house so far.

I was going to get a much needed haircut, but I figured they wouldn't appreciate a sick person carrying germs in there and potentially getting everyone sick, so I went home instead.

I just remembered that I bought a bunch of Christmas lights last year and decorated her living room with them.  I won't be asking for them back - though I doubt they will get used this year since she is not big into celebrating holidays.  All of the celebration was my idea and my effort.  The kids loved it, she acted like she liked it.  As almost everything I tried to do to make life happier around there, it failed in her eyes after coming out later on.
____________________________________

Well, afternoon gone, evening here. Attempting to decide whether to go to work tomorrow.
Dunno.  Think I'll just decide that in the morning.  Getting up has been exceedingly difficult and haven't been doing so until around 9.  It seems the steroid shot is working for the cough, but the rest of me still feels like junk.
Meanwhile, Addler - who would rather be in here with me but he's a dog and a large one at that and needs to spend quality time outdoors - let me know for the first time that he needed to go. I mean, I was guessing that was what he was saying.  He speaks to me, lol.  It's pretty comical.  Anyway, got him outside and the first thing he did was pee and then found an appropriate place by his standards and dumped as well. Good doggy!  I spent some time out there playing with him and other dogs until I started coughing profusely and dumped that idea, heading back indoors.

I can say right now that I have NO desire to go to work tomorrow.  But I can't stay away forever.  perhaps show up, get anything done that needs it and head home early. I've done that before.  The new driver apparently showed up for work - very late today.  I know this because the other driver is always texting me now. In fact, we met at Chili's down the road on Sunday.

Well, wait and see - divorce that is.  Filed my reply and now need to sit and read through a large amount of material issued by the Texas Bar and see what they have to say about it.  It's advice for persons that are doing it without a lawyer.

_____________________

Monday Morning
Addler woke me up 3 times last night - checking on me.  Even
so, hits jitters are beginning to calm down - though I suspect after today that may ramp up a bit. I got up 20 minutes earlier than normal, let hiim out, filled up his food bowl, took a shower, let him back in where he proceeded to devour the entire bowl of food.  Dog was prancing around like a stallion. Definitely a lot of puppy left in him, lol.  Nice to get a younger dog though instead of one whose life is already half or more gone by virtue of age.

Anyway, this is day 4 of having the dog and also the first day of leaving him for 11 hours or so home alone while at work.  There are 3 other dogs there but he could care less about them and basiically ignores them unless in a playful mood - but the 2 puppies are terrified of him.  Addler is definitely a human person, he wants to be around us'ins all the time.  So, sort of going to get home later on today and wonder what it's going to be like, lol.

I am still not feeling all that great but decided that I didn't wannt to take any mmore time off of work.  Well, SHTF when I got there, not because of me, but because the new inside salesman left the warehouse door proped wide open - all night long.  The warehouse manager left early yesterday and instructed him to make sure the entire place was locked up, inncluding closing that door.  The dude was getting flustered and getting mad that the other driver had said thatl this dude had seen the door, walked right by it and left without closing it.  The warehouse manager was all OVER his case abouut it, but this dude refused to take responsibility.

The biggest problem with that whole place is the manager.  He is a nice guy - too nice - he doesnt like confrontation and has a hard time telling people like ti is or should be.  So these peoplee get away with all kinds of stuff because of  it.  Well, the purchasing agent showed up - he has an office elsewhere but sometimes shows up to work at our branch - and booted this inside salesman off of his desk and took it over, lol.    That inside salesman is lazy - he and the other insde salesman are seen playing on their phones all the time.

I'm getting tired of the place.  I am still waiting for an answer on promotion and on raise.  Im thinking of starting to look around this week online and start filling out applications.  I'm not going to continue to work my ass off for a manager/ment that wants mme to do the work of 2 people or more while several lazy people are making the same money and screw off all the time.  I'm just tired of it.

Well enough.  At least I got a nice, long run inn the pickup truck today.

Vet visit.

2 ladies at the front were trying to finish a conversation when I came in there. "Oh that is a very big dog, I didn't expec that".  Well, they didn't ask what breed of dog he was when I called them.  They weren't complaining - I don't think anyway - and Addler behaved himself swimmingly the entire visit.  Okay, he didn't want to comply with standing or sitting on the scale - we had to try two separate times, but I consider that a nothing issue.  He currently weights 119 pounds.  I figued it was 100 to 110 so I was a bit off on that one.  But I'm not a scale, either, lol.

They gave him all shots that bring him up to date for his age and took swab off rear end and found worms.  No heartworms though, which is very good.  Easy enough to get rid of those intestinal worms, already have him on that medicine.  It's going to take a bit of time - maybe quite a bit - to get this dog indoctrinated into my ways of doing things.  I like instant obedience. Sit! means sit down right now.  Stay - means stay regardless of what is going on around you.  Come - means come to me right now - not look around or dance here and there. He is completely untrained and this is going to be quite the challenge. But - he has learned sit so far, so I know he's trainable.  He hasn't learned stay, lol, he sits, looks at me and then gets up and starts poking his giant muzzle into everything.

I'll have paitence with him for he doesn't know any better and was never trained to know any better. I'm not saying his former owners were bad dog owners, they just deemed him an outside dog and that, apparently,  meant no training.  You would, however, think that he would at least know to come when someone yells his name.  he doesn't.  I personally believe in both leash training and non leash training.  I shouldn't have to have a leash on him to make him come.  So I'm not doing that - yet.  I will if it comes down to it and then wean him off of it, but I would rather just have him learn my ways of doing things.  A large dog needs to be trained.  Even IF non-violent, he can do some damage if he doesn't listen when it's necessary for him to.  

Day is over as far as running around.  I brought him home from vets and went right back out to pharmacy to get my meds.  I don't yet trust him in a car alone.  I think he will probably go crazy and tear things up.  Leave that for a time - in the future - to try.  Leave the car, pretend to go inside and then hide and watch.  

============================

Now let's talk about Obama and this pathetic drive to now introduce 100,000 refugees. The more I watch of him, hillary and others and THEN to hear Obama's OWN head of homeland security making statements that defy Obama's move on this issue - it's a wonder we aren't attacked right now.  It's like he WANTS to allow terrorists into this nation.  I'm quite sick of his politics - to the point of compromising our own nation's safety? But I have talked myself out on FB groups and just making a few observations here.  If you are going to feel safe when all these unknowns come in here - then you have your head stuck in the sand.  I don't trust these people and I don't want them just pouring into our nation. We have ENOUGH problems already, who is going to pay for all of this?  That was a rhetorical question.  

Day 2.
Addler slept on the futon. Per Fin's remark on my Facebook wall about needing a bigger bed - I figured instead of buying a doggy bed and taking up even more space in this room with it, why not use the futon?  I can buy them a new mattress for it whenever I figure out what I am going to do and leave here.  Which could be a few months from now - or a few years - or who knows. I hate throwing money away on rent but it isn't that much, these people are totally cool and I have a very nice setup now that I have gotten my room situated to my liking. The futon is huge, ample room for the dog to spread completely out.

Anyway, Addler decided to check up on me several times last night.  I was afraid that meant he was going to go pee/poop on the floor, but it was the jitters still, being in a strange place with strange people he doesn't know and likely wanting to go back home to his family.  That isn't going to happen, they got rid of him for a reason.  I don't know about anyone else, but if I had dogs that I loved THAT much, I would really try to find a place where I could have them instead of getting rid of them.

I guess he finally decided that it was okay to go to sleep and leave me alone, which he did.  He got me up at 6:30 am - which is okey - I figured I better get right up and get him outside before he does anything on the floor.  I lucked out as far as doing anything in the house goes, he didn't pee at all. He was drinking a LOT of water just before bedtime last night - I put a stop to it.  Nooooo.  That has to come OUT at some point.  So anyway, I'll leave him outside for an hour or so and then bring him back in.

My chest feeling so incredibly bad this morning.  Mucus draining all night long down in there.  I just wanted to get up and go to WalMart and get some medicine to stop the mucus.  I had a thouht this morning: I probably have some of that in my stuff under the sink.  I have a huge bag of stuff that I never pulled out when I moved in here.  Nowhere to put it - but it's not worthless stuff, just figured I'd leave it in there and rummage through it whenever I needed somethng.  Found a box of Walmart severe cold and flu medicine. Thought, well it would work but overkill.  Then, I found an unopened bottle of the cough medicine that deals with the mucus.  Ahhhhh yes! Score.  No need to go to the store now, I don't feel like going anywhere.  Feels much better after taking it, too.

Ohhh, glad I remembered.  I need to scour the internet and find a sweater big enough to fit Addler.  It's going to get cold out there soon and I am not going to have that dog freezing to death while I'm at work.  They actually offered here that he could stay in my room while at work - but it didn't take much thinking to come to the conclusion that would be a bad idea.  That dog is an outside dog - currently anyway, I'm going to change his thinking about that slowly to where he is both and outside AND an inside dog.  To keep a dog that big cooped up in a room alllllll day long, especially when he has friends out there he can play with? Bad idea.

Well that didn't take long.  There are online sites dedicated to supplies for large breed dogs.  I'm going to have to measure him, they have sweaters big enough even for my big boy.  Just measured him: he's 33 inches at the shoulders and 36 inch girth.  He's between a 2XL and a 3XL.  Hmm.  I dunno what to get him.  Get one too small - won't fit, get one too large - might come off?  He's definitely going to fill out, but I don't know how long that will take.  Another year or so I'm guessing.  -------------------------------------------------------

Definitely a Dane. Follows me everywhere.  Wants to know everything I am doing.  Hates it when I put him outside.  Stands at the door and stares for a while before venturing out into the back yard.  Baca - the larger pup - is completely and absolutely terrified of him.  Squeals and yelps and cries - Addler wants to play, Baca is like, what?

Well anway, a co-worker called and wnated to meet up at Chili's and watch some football games.  Sure, why not? Not feeling good at all, but I went anyway and watched the Cowboys get beat again and the Steelers kick butt over the Browns.  In fact, the Steelers game got carried enough away that they switched to the Miami game before it was even over.  But, I am not feeling good.  I finally got the mucus stopped flowing down my throat and into my lungs but the damage is done.  I'm pretty much good for much of nothing right now and I suspect in the morning? I'm calling into work sick.

_________________________________________
Monday morning came around and I had absolutely no 8intention of going into work, not feeling like that.  I have plenty of sick and vacation hours and work is slow right now, they can live without me for a day or even a couple of days.  Yes, I will probably take tomorrow off as well. I have a long history of respiratory problems and it doesn't get better by doing anything that entails physical labor.

I just got back from Urgent Care and finally, just by luck I guess, found a doctor that actually knows what the hell he is doing with this kind of situation.  He immediately stated that he would be giving me a steroid shot - it's the only thing that has ever worked for this.  I didn't ask for it - or anything else for that matter - but I was very much happy when he stated that.  He then went into all kinds of other stuff he does to combat this problem and it was quite refreshing to hear this coming from him.  Most docs don't have a clue.  Seriously.  I've been through this so many times, I have to give suggestions, especially steriod shots - and usually they dismiss it.  I know what works and what doesn't work, but docs? They know everything.  They don't want to hear you giving them advice on what to do.

So, shot in the rear later and hopefully it will be taking effect soon enough. I don't remember how long it took last time I got one to almost fully take away the coughing.  BTW, cough medicine? Does nothing.  I have been on DM tussin for 2 days - it takes away a little bit right off the bat but after that? The cough comes right back and worse.  That's when I know it's time to go see a doc.

Well, I was thinking about taking my new Dane in to a vet and getting him checked out - heart worms, parvo, stuff like that.  I found one right down the road while waiting in the doc's office for the shot and they said they had an intro offer and could get him in today.  I don't much feel like it but I don't get much down time at work.  I'm at work when everyone is open and I'm off work when everyone is - closed.  We have to do stuff while at work.  Like taking the car in - I just tell them I'm taking it in and need someone to bring me back.  There are no objections to that at all.  If I need to do something that I can only do during normal business hours, I come in late or leave early. Again, no objections.  BTW, today was a pleasant surprise there: I had a $161 credit.  I was at this facility's office  2 towns over quite a while back for that other situation I had going earlier this year.  They never actually sent me anything saying they owed me money.  No copay today.  Kinda interesting they would just "keep" the money instead of sending a check.......

But no biggies, certainly didn't complain today..There is enough there for a couple more visits worth of co-pays.  Speaking of health, it's time to get Val off of my health insurance.  She is obviously intent on this divorce -- we haven't talked in several weeks - and I am not going to continue to pay for her health care coverage that she won't use anyway.  She has several things a doc could help her out with.  I'm just throwing money out the window having her on it and we are in the yearly open enrollment - I can take her off  without any special circumstances.  Kids as well.  I had them on there as secondary back up since her previous ex  has them on his health care. I have my son on my plan so adding more kids doesn't cost anything more.  My son only uses it occasionally when he gets sick.

Well that's enough for now.  Addler will likely be a handful at the vet office.  I've only had him 2 days and he has a lot of training in front of him to go.  Just getting him to sit when told to do so was a big effort - but the little doggy treats work wonders, lol.

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So.  Looked up online about my non-functioning speedometer and odometer.  I was quite surprised to find the information that I did.  Seems that the years 2003 to 2006 of my car's model had problems with an apparatus called a stepper motor.  Never heard o fit.  Makes the mechanical function of the gauge work. 6 dollar part.  Seriously.  I got on ebay, found the right ones for my car and ordered the entire set including de-soldering gun and a soldering gun for 22 bucks.  You have to take the instrument panel out, take it apart and then you have to unsolder these stepper motors and then solder in a new one.

I spent a considerable amount of money on my car this week, I am not likely to spend a lot more in auto shops unless absolutely necessary.  I'm attempting to find out what bushings, exactly, they were referring to for the rear in having the rear wheels angled because they are bad. Not having any luck so far.  Alls I heard was it was a "big job".  Likely going to have to remove a wheel and look under there to find for myself what they were talking about.  I have found some subframe bushings and a tutorial on how to install them, but I'm not sure if that is what they were referring to.  Just going to keep searching that out - I won't have time for that this weekend anyway.

I called tonight to confirm they are still going to give me that dog - it's a LOOOOONG drive and I'm not interested in driving that far to find changed minds.  Yes, she said, call in the morning before you leave, though, we are not sure when we are going to be home.  She works until 2:30 in the afternoon, he is on call for work.  Meaning he will be home all day - unless - he is called in.  So the time could change to 2:30 to get the dog. Meaning a late day by the time I would get back - but - i have determined tomorrow is dog day. However long it takes.

It's a full 3 hour drive there - further than even Fort Worth.  The drive won't bother me as long as I bring a dog home!  Psyched about this, hope it works out.  I'm one of those don't count your chickens people - you don't have it until you - have it.  Been there done that too many times, learned my lesson. I can get my hopes up but keep a bit of "chill" about it until I see the dog, get the dog in my car and leave the premises.

According to landlady, Valerie has stopped all the negative talk about me at work.  Any talk about me whatsoever.  Which is good, because I rarely bring it up now and it's a short lived conversation.  I think about this situation - infrequently now - but when I do - I go back to all the crap.  There is absolutely nothing in me that would ever want to go back to that situation. Nothing at all.

Well it's not that late - almost 9 - but I am going to bed.  Try to get a good night's sleep.  Had another tire replaced on my car today - making all 4 of them either new or very close to new. It was starting to vibrate. I had put a used tire on it because of the angled tire situation, but, come to find out it's not really eating tires up that fast and I can have them flipped on the rim once they get to the point they can't go anymore without ruining them.  It will occupy my searching to find out what bushings are bad and buy some new ones and try to find out how hard it's going to be to install them.

Hmm, maybe figured out the paragraph issue.

Got back from a run today and the salesman starts shaking his head at me.
Huh? What? What's going on?  Why are you shaking your head at me?

The semi, it's got to go on the semi.  WHAT has to go on the semi? What the
freak are you talking about?  He knew what kind of HELL he was going to be
getting me into, apparently he was trying to apologize for it in advance.  Take a
load of pipe into a very restrictive, small residential neighborhood.  Always just
LOVE those.  Usually means backing out, and usually including extremely tight
turns and trying to not run over people's lawns as they tend to get pissed that
truck tires just left HUGE grooves in their front yard.  No, I don't do that but
other drivers do.  If I can't get into a place without damaging whateever? That's
where I stop and make phone calls. I ain't doing it, we're done, they're going to
have to come to where I'm at to get their materials or they aren't getting them.

It is a pink with purple and blue and orange moon when that happens.

This particular situation including blind-side backing around a turn and tyring to
get the trailer nailed between two posts less than 11 feet apart.  I got it though, just
took a while to navigate through everything.  And then the other delivery today.
I am talking to the contractor and he gives me an address.  Okayyyy.  Get "there".
GPS takes me to - a one lane road, surrounded and covered with trees, no place to turn
around and wondering - where - is this place.  The contractor comes up behind me and
calls me - he apparently has my number in his phone - Ben, please back up to this drive
way behind you.  Ummm, is this truck going to fit in there?  Oh yes, no problem.

Contractors ALWAYS say that whether it's true or not.  Turning into the driveway
I see that at the end? Is a very sharp turn.  Through a gate.  What is with the gates
today?  I had to angle the thing through there and I am not kidding, there was less
than an inch on either side of the trailer.  Mud, truck spinning tires - we're having
fun today.

Anyway, took the car in this morning.  I made my decision, time to fix it.  Yesterday
was the heater core, today was the front end and supposed to be the angled tires on the
rear.  Well, the dude calls me after dropping it off this morning and named off numerous
things wrong with the front end.  Yes, I thought, I know all of this, saw it last time I had
the wheels off.  Rear? Turns out there are bushings back there and they have to be
replaced and - he says - it's a "big" job.  Okay.  Well, he didn't want to deal with that
today, said he had to have time to find the bushings and then he would get back with
me with a price. I had the entire front end fixed at a cost of $460.  Between yesterday
and today, that pretty much wiped out the money I had started saving for a car.

I did not know what was wrong with the rear, but these people know what they are doing.
So, I am going to look up bushings myself and see if I can find a video or otherwise
detailing what one has to do to replace them. .I'm not going to spend bucoo bucks on
bushings.  I wanted the front done by a shop to have it done right and the fact that they
have to do an alignement afterwards. I just can't justify taking this car to a shop for everything.
It's not worth that much money, but it is worth keeping it running if it's going to last a bit
longer.  I have driven it 103,000 miles without any major problems. The man at the shop today
informed me that car would last at least 100,000 more miles and probably a lot more.  Huh?
Yup.  I had one myself.  It had 300,000 miles on it before I got rid of it and it was still running!

I have seen them listed online with over 200,000 miles, but unless I was REALLY desperate,
I would never buy a car with that much mileage on it.  Dunno, just going to hope that this money
spent was worth it.

Dog.  I brought it up today. She already demanded, I found out, that husband get rid of that "dog"
on Thursday.  Yes, get the dog!  Okay.  I will, lol.  So, unless the owner of the dog changes her
mind, I'm driving to Fort Worth area on Saturday to get it.  She doesn't want to be there.  She
said she works 7 days a week when the subject came up.  Okay, well I can show up when you are
there. NO, she says, I don't WANT to be there.  Okay, I said this yesterday about this situation-
she loves the dog, she doesn't want to get rid of it, just life happens.

Whatever the case, the dog is mine unless something happens to stop it.  But as for me, I am planning on leaving out of here early Saturday morning and getting the dog.  It would be very cool if I could get company truck and get those fence panels while I am there.  But, the dog is the first and foremost. Those panels are only $10 a piece. They would need to be cut to size, sanded and treated but for the price? Very much worth it.

Well that's it. Not really, but that's all for now, lol.  I'm still wondering how this divorce is going to go.  I really don't want a fight.  There is nothing to fight about, not legitimately.  Still, people get things into their brains and pursue such things regardless of it's legitimacy or lack of chance of ever becoming reality, or not.
_______________________________________________

Now Thursday - started that one yesterday.

Do I feel the need to justify myself? Not really.  If someone asks me with a perplexed look on their face and wondering how "it ever got there" I will give some kind of reply.  My answers are on this blog. The question: how did it get this way with you and Val?  Heard it again tonight.

Anyway, tomorrow is Friday - the 13th btw - which means nothing to me, I give no credence to a "bad" or "unlucky" day simply because of a number assessed to a day of the week.  We don't need to be living our lives in unecessary fear.  I don't even know what, if anything, I will have at work tomorrow because I have been busy all day long.  The temporary driver called in this morning to tell the warehouse manager that he is out of gas and doesn't have any money. The warehouse manager - is unlike ANYONE you have EVER met in your ENTIRE life.  I GUARANTEE it.

Anyway, the driver didn't actually "ask" the warehouse manager for a ride to work and so? He wasn't offered one.  In that manager's mind, he should have asked and then and ONLY then, he would have sent someone to pick him up.  ROFL.  This place both cracks me up and irritates me to no end at the same time.

In MY mind, this new dude is smoking over a pack a day of cigarettes, every day. I have little sympathy. Make provision for your vices but not for the method that pays for those vices and everything else in your life? I am very tired of the way these younger generations think.  Entitlement, it is "owed" to me, I should get it regardless.  No humility, very little respect, utter bullshit. Are we somehow, in this nation, getting what we deserve?

I dunno. But one thing I did learn today? Stepper motors.  Never heard of them.  Was looking up speedomters for my car on ebay and it was the first thing that came up.  I started reading about them and then watched a video on Youtube on how to replace them. I found out that my version of a car between the years of 2004 and 2006 had problems with them and would cause speedomoter, gas and tach reading to be off and then, eventually quit. I ordered a full set of replacement stepper motors today with the - unsolder tool - and the soldering tool - for a total price of - $22. I watched the video.  The dude doing it obviously had done it many, many times over.  But still.

I pulled out the rugs in my car today and washed them in the washing machine - now that the heater core leak is fixed, wanted to clean them.  Hot water, spread solution over the entire surface of both rugs and what happened?  They are completely clean!  Considering what was on that that was amazing!  What wasn't so nice is the dryer.  It left all kinds of sand and junk in there.  Going to have to scrub the entire thing out.

But my thoughts today were on getting that Dane. I have always loved dogs.  My family had them when I was a child and I have had them almost my entire adult life.  There will be challenges with this dog if I end up getting him - which I want him if the owner actually lets him go - but he is an outdoor dog.  Great Danes? Love the outdoors but WANT to be INDOORS with their owners!  That is the human's decision, NOT the dog's!  There will be quite the adjustment period, for this dog will be sleeping in my room at night, not outside.  Danes are wimps when it comes to cold, too, I can't imagine leaving a Dane outside all night long in freezing cold temps. I understand there are people that think that is okay and I don't judge them.  At least give them a place to stay dry and out of the biting winds.

But that's definitely not me and I reinforced the idea tonight: I'm going to get him on Saturday.  I'm not going to just drive 2 plus hours one way and bring him home and have them looking at me like, what? What is THAT?
Well THAT is what I have been talking about! And now? Here he is!  lol
Anyway, another person from not far from that area has now offered me a blue Dane.  Striking color.  I haven't had one but I would definitely be all for getting one.  Nope, not getting 2 dogs, just if the first one falls through, I might have something to fall back on. .

Test

test

test

This is "the one". I wrote an ad on Craigslist, knowing the many Dane owners that are put in the position of having to find a new home for their beloved dog are very shy of just posting it on Craigslist - or anywhere else. If they love the dog, they want a person to take it that will love that dog and give it a wonderful home. I missed this email at work - though I was quite busy dealing with "things" and just wasn't even looking at my phone for probably half the day. The owner sent me this pic and her phone number and yes, I called immediately. The lady that I talked with? Loves this dog. Absolutely loves him. A little heartbreaking, really, I started talking about my experiences with Danes and then about having to bury Duke a few months ago - and she broke down on the phone and started crying. I totally sympathized with her. I would rather go through a dog's death such as with Duke, to be honest, than have to be forced into a position to have to give it up. But, if you really have to give it up, you want to find someone that is going to love it as much as you do. She said she had posted an ad and people were asking questions that - were telling her these people had no clue. I remember when I got Duke and Prince. The owners brought them to my house. They didn't want to meet anywhere, they wanted to see where the dogs were going to live. In this case, thougH? Ummm, well, the dog is about 200 miles away. I am more than willing to drive that distance and even further for the right dog. Is this dog going to have issues? Maybe. But, given enough time, I will deal with much of it. I really can't wait to just be able to come home and have my loyal companion waiting for me to get there and take it for a nice walk. I've been hooked on Danes since we got our first one when I was a teenager. I've had other dog breeds in that interim - and they were great dogs, but nothing will take the place in my heart and mind when it comes to dog ownership as a Dane does. A huge plus that my landlady "liked" the pic on Facebook - I posted him on there to see what anyone thought of the pic. I actually don't think they care WHAT kind of dog I get. They are animal lovers and have 3 dogs and a cat. Their cat is the first cat in my entire adult life that I have actually LIKED. It shows nothing but extreme attention to me for whatever reason. It doesn't bite me or claw me. Anyway, tentatively have it set up to go get that dog on Saturday. I am going to discuss with landlady first, of course. Actually, would be good to kill 2 birds with 1 stone and see about getting that $10 fencing. They had 700 panels of it when I discussed it with them a month or more ago. I just didn't feel the gumption to drive that far for just some fence panels. But this is a game changer and I could deal with doing that as well and make a day of it. It's supposed to rain on Saturday anyway, might as well find something useful to do with the day besides - nothing. Wow. Besides my adventures at church, there hasn't been much that has made me this excited in quite a long time. I hope this works out - but prepared if it doesn't. Just really would love to get that dog. The only drawback - it isn't house trained. I will have to get a carpet shampooer and have it ready at all times for any accidents. I don't do paper towels and all that stuff anymore, once I got a home carpet cleaning machine when I had my Danes in Phoenix, I never looked back. In terms of getting all of it out of the carpet? Yup. Far easier, much uicker and guess what? This Dane? She is giving it to me. She said she paid a lot of money for it (it looks like it has very good markings and stature) and I offered to pay her for it, she refused and said spend it on HIM. Well one thing of spending it on him would be for me, lol, in making sure I can clean the carpet up nicely if there is an accident for an untrained dog is going to have such many times over before they get it. Well onto other things. The new driver was informed about the DEF situation with the F550 by fully 3 different people I found out today, one of them was me and yes, I fully explained it in detail and asked if he understood after I was done explaining, to which he asked more questions and I answered them until I was sure he had full knowledge of it. DEF - found on trucks - is Diesel Exhaust Fluid. It is part of newer exhaust systems on trucks with diesel engines that help reduce emissions. Well, this dude? Ran the thing out of DEF on I-49 today. How did I know? I was driving the semi down I-49 and saw the truck on the side of the road with the hood up. I passed by before realizing it was him - just didn't exactly register with me that this was one of our trucks sitting there - so I pulled over and called the office. I knew that he had run it out of DEF before I left the yard, but LONG before I left and wondered when I saw it sitting there how it could possibly be still an issue after all that time? Answer? They had no clue. He hadn't called them about any further issues, they had taken him a 2-1/2 gallon container of the stuff and he had the truck running and left. Strange. Why didn't he call? I'll tell you why, some of these systems with DEF? You run it dry and it can damage the system and cost thousands of dollars to fix. Not hundreds of dollars, thousands of dollars. Just keep going where you were going, they need that pipe! I was instructed so I got off the side of the road - it was half a mile before I could get over and stop on the shoulder - the contractor was almost out of pipe and though it is TOTALLY the contractor's fault for waiting until the very LAST minute to call us and ask us to bring them materials - we try to accommodate. I had to take a load off the trailer and reload this guy's stuff to get it down there. I didn't bother to talk to the new driver, I got back on the road. It was an hour later, coming back - he was 11 miles down further down the road, truck parked on the side of the Interstate, 2 pickups from the town of Natchidoches - they wanted/needed their material and yes, they drove out there to get it! lol I picked the driver up - tow truck on it's way. After that? I get back to the yard. Take this pipe to a bridge that is out at such and such location. Okay. I drive up to the bridge - definitely out. Dude walks up. What do you have? Pipe. Ummmm, well that's not ours. Tony. The warehouse manager. Gives me BAD instructions EVERY SINGLE TIME. I fell for it today, thought he had it right. Oh well. Back up 2/10's of a mile, turn down a side road after calling the contractor and find the place. Got home These people like when I cook them dinner, lol. It goes both ways. But I've supplied food for 3 days now. They have done the same for me, not complaining at all. Just saying, I made tacos and we all devoured them. It wasn't until I got done with the cooking and cleanup that I came in here, my bedroom, and saw 2 emails from this person replying to me CL ad for a dog. Not just any dog, a Great Dane, with some of my story about my experience with Danes. I was off the hook when I saw that pic. Instant YES! That's it. Time for bed.

Her little deal of shutting off my phone and it's number. I got to church yesterday and the head of the Communion team came straight up to me and asked me about my phone number? I tried to call you....... I'm sorry, without going into the story - at all - of how I lost that number - I had to change my phone number. The new one only has one number different, the last number is a 6 instead of a 7. I'm sooo sorry about that. Who else I have given my number to that I didn't get the change to? It's not like anyone I have discussed this with said, gee, isn't that wonderful she shut off the phone and you lost your number? More like, dude, that totally SUCKS. I'm trying to warm up to the idea that my church home is - 40 miles away. I LOVE the preaching and also the worship - I just wish their worship portion of the service would go on just a little bit longer. Christmas this year - is going to be very different than what it was last. I spent last Christmas with Val and her kids. I had a splendid time, the kids did too. She - acted like she was having a good time but later came back and told me how awful it was for her for all kinds of reasons not related to me - well some of it was - but all steeped in her very warped past. Not much of anything I did was pleasing to her. Or happy, or joyous, or anything good. Her past dictates her present and how she perceives things. But still, it was fun - that day anyway - because I was determined that it was going to be a good time regardless of how she was going to get about it. This year - I may just be back in Phoenix. Maybe not. I dunno. Just airfare. Thanksgiving off the wall for airfare. Christmas not much better but a little because still a bit off. I have to make up my mind quickly. I don't think I'll do Black Friday this year, at least not at the stores. I don't really need to get stuff. I do wonder when my son is returning to Phoenix, though. I would like to visit when he is there. Actually, pretty much mandatory: I will only visit if he's going to be there unless his return time is going to be well into next year. I think they are doing Thanksgiving at someone else's place this year - here that is - so I am either going to have to find some place to go to enjoy a meal with other people - or do it alone. In my mind, Thanksgiving isn't a holiday to do alone. It just - isn't. Well whatever. I'ma take a couple days off Thanksgiving week and going to put in for the entire week of Christmas off. Regardless of whether I have anywhere to actually go or not, I want that time off. I'm tired. I woke up at 2:30 am last night and it was around 5 am I got back to sleep....I get a mind full of thoughts and it's hard to turn it off.....at 5ish am. Yean, alarm goes off, got up, turned it off, turned on a light and had to go lay back down for a while to wake up enough to get moving. So, ending this and going to bed a bit early tonight.

Rain. Rain, More rain.
I was at working thinking: uhhh, yeah, I'ma go home early today. There is nothing going on, contractors aren't working, only a couple of customers came in, it's go home early day. It just gets....
boring and I now have 140 hours of vacation time saved up.  So, at almost lunchtime, I go into the will call and the warehouse manager is like: yeah, I'm taking off early.  I said yes, let's get out of here! I was sitting at the computer. He says< NO, don't clock out yet!  They're getting us lunch today!  Okay then, I'll stick around for free lunch, lol.

Got off just before 1:00 pm.  No desire to do anything, went straight home.  I mean, yesterday and all that digging and shoveling and moving dirt around? Just took it comppletely out of me.  Not complaining, good workout, just when it's boring and I'm tired, I would rather go home than stick around to do much of nothing.

Got home and went to sleep.  I don't know for how long.  I only know when I woke up it was dark.  The only thing that woke me up was when the landlady came home with the baby and the baby was crying - loudly.  Good thing.  I was completely out of it, as if I had gone to bed for the night. ________________________________________________________ Now Saturday. Misssed out on two very good looking Danes. Just got to them too late. But it's okay, there will be more. I'm ignoring the $500, $700, $900 and $1,200 versions. Duke cost me $100 and was easily one of the best dogs I have ever had. I'm not going to show the dog, I just want a good looking Dane. Another rainy day - and cooling down considerably, at least my version of it. It's 53 degrees and going out in the rain? Not my version of fun. But I went to Walmart anyway. I was looking for several things, but one of which was thermal underwear - which they don't have yet. I would have thought they would have had that on the shelves by now - winter is just around the corner. Supposedly the rain will stop tomorrow. It just throws things off, including me. Rainy days make we want to sleep. Well nothing going to get done outside today. I have already thoroughly clenaed my bathrood today and spiffied up my bedroom. Not much else left. Excepting making spaghetti later on. My version of it with meatballs, spicy italian sausauge and 80% lean ground beef. _________________________________________________________ Now into Sunday, Sunday morning to be precise. Rain has finally stopped, sun is shining, should be a beautiful day. But, the temps are starting to come down and that signals alarms in my brain to complete what I started: getting all of my winter clothing out and assessing what else I will needd to brave the winter temps with rain that is inevitably coming... and having to endure for 50 hours per week. I'm missing one pair of Alpaca socks. I have 3 pair, only found 2. Going to go through everything, those socks cost $25 per pair. Well worth it, yes, though I didn't buy them, Valerie did like a year or more ago. They keep your feet warm even if they are wet. With that kind of price tag, though, I am definitely going to go through everything to see if I can find the third pair. Really would like 5 pair total. Still looking at dogs, Great Danes namely. I thought about getting a smaller breed, something around the medium sized dog and thought again. Great Danes don't need a large space, they need to be exercised regularly. But they are perfectly content to lay around and do nothing as long as they are with their human companions. They are very much a human social dog and want to be with their owners as much as possible. My current bedroom has plenty of space for a Great Dane. But, I am in no hurry. I missed a couple of good ones but more will come. People get rid of them after they have had them for awhile when understanding how large the animal is and getting into situations where that sized creature isn't workable or even allowable. Owning my own home I had as many of the those sized animals as I wanted - which I did, 3 at one time. I likely will never have 3 or even 2 dogs ever again unless I end up living on a large property with acreage, for that many large dogs do need a lot of space inside or out of the home. Which I have thought about trying to get some land. Preferrably wooded or at least partially wooded. Preferably with a small stream running through it and deer and pigs close by. It would be nice to go out your back door with a rifle and not have to go very far to "hunt" for deer, lol. Though this area is heavily wooded, it is not in the mountains. Just a dream. I have a house in Phoenix, would have to get rid of that first and right now? It's paying for itself and the people taking care of it are content to stay there. How long, I don't know. When they decide to leave, that is when I will have to sell it. I'm just hoping by that time, the value of the house equals at least what I owe on it. Is that asking for too much? lol Nothing on the Val front. I don't expect there to be excepting to deal with the divorce. Hopefully have time later on today to pore over the reply - though it is self explanatory and it is just fill in the blanks. I want to get that filed, though and get this thing rolling. She wants it over? Fine, let's get it over with. All of her friends and family have blocked me on various social media excepting one. That is her best friend. Val made it a point to ask everyone to unfriend me/block me, so I am not sure why her best friend still has me on there. I am guessing after the divorce she will do the same. I can only surmise that she is still friending me on Facebook to see if I will post anything negative about the divorce on there. I have no intention of posting anything at all about it until after it is done and even then, it's going to be something like "well, that chapter of my life over with, what's next?". It won't even have specific reference to the divorce. I did have a good relationship with her friend for quite a while, though. She is a neat lady and has a very interesting life going on on her farm. I tried to take my car in on Friday to get the heater core replaced. For whatever reason, that place was closed and the next in line is never open on Fridays. I am going to call tomorrow and see if I can get it in the second place, it's close to work, like 2 blocks away and they are Christian. I don't expect a Christian establishment to do any better or worse than a non-Christian establishment, but I do like to support such business - mom and pop type of thing - whenever I can. But that's only if they have time some time this week to get to it and get it done same day. Obviously I can't leave the car overnight. And if their prices are reasonable. It's going to cost around 3 bills or a little more to get that done. It's just nothing I want to get involved with on my own. Well, I am going to church today. I don't really want to drive that far but the messages are so good and speak to my inner man. It's definitely my kind of church. The pastor doesn't pull any punches, he delivers the message and if you don't like it, tough. That's the way it's supposed to be. Christians shouldn't be trying to find a church whose pastor "tickles their ears" with his "nice" messages. I want and like to be challenged in my walk with the Lord and last week was definitely a challenge. It was about judging people. It was the most sensible message about that subject yet and it definitely go my attention. I understand that I can be judgmental at times and I really have no right to engage in such, but I do it anyway and likely, most people engage in such at some point or another about a particular subject or swubjects. Anyway, have to get offa here.