Sunday 3/10/2012

Well I have been preoccupied all day long, so no entry til' now - just before going to bed.

I did not go to church this morning because I did drive 50 miles out to the middle of the desert to get a doggie.

I was led by a Ford pickup - extended cab, raised, diesel engine, 8 foot bed - down a nameless dirt road to another nameless dirt road.  Ummm, not really comfortable driving down that in a low rider car, but made it without a problem driving very slowly.  

In the middle of nothing was a house, a barn, stables and horses.  We're not talking shabby here, either.  Nice property. Greet the lady that is taller than I am, I'm 6 feet 2 inches: she is skinny and very amiable introduced herself and we shook hands.  A man walked out of the house and we were introduced as well.  

Okay, let's meet the dog.  Taken to an enclosed pasture with numerous dogs in it, though I recognized my dog from the get-go.  Much smaller than my Danes, probably around 40 to 50 pounds, absolutely gorgeous. Didn't take a brain surgeon to figure out which eye is dead - it was obvious and blanked out.  

Brought her home, yes I did.  She is laying on the floor, next to me.  Very cool dog, very sweet dog, very lovable dog and a very obedient dog that knows basic commands.  Oh, and very beautiful dog  as well.  I don't need 3, giant dogs.  She's a darling.  She is also very tired out from the living conditions - not bad living conditions but I am guessing not very good for sleeping.  I removed the bedspread on the doggy bed in my room today and put another one on it.  Yes, Coco had relieved herself on it and the mattress below, which has also been removed.  My Coco.  Well let's not get started on that.  But I soooo miss that dog.

I dunno what else.  I just wrote about Coco and put myself back into that funk again.  I try not to go there, but I can't help it when it comes.

G'nite.

ben

The Roof

Freaking trailer roof.
Endless job.
Took forever to get the old screws out of the roof to remove the vent. They get filled up with sealant and you have to push down hard on the tool to try and force enough sealant out of the slot to get the tool into it to turn the screw out of there.  24 screws.

Now?  The grinder I bought was admittedly a cheap piece of junk: brand new junk off of Harbor Freight shelves.  Problem?  It heats up in about 2 minutes to the point you have to shut if off, let it cool off for 20 or 30 minutes and then resume. It's half done at this point, using it to clean all the old sealant off of the metal down to the metal.

Trying to at least get it all cleaned up by the end of today and then maybe tomorrow put the new vent on it.

Another card came in the mail today, just a few minutes ago.  It was a card from my regular veterinarian.  They had been notified of Coco's demise.  They sent me a very nice card and everyone that works there signed it.  Actually, I had stopped using them some years ago for no more reason than the other place I normally go to is closer. But, the closer place is much more expensive - and getting a personal, hand written card from a vet? I'll be going there from now on.  The emergency clinic I took Coco to last Saturday called yesterday and left a message: her ashes are ready to be picked up.

Those will have to sit around her for a few months until I get the trailer up to my mom's property - that is the area where I want to spread them.  Not anywhere on the property she uses or walks around on, but on the unused portion of the property and on the Tonto National Forest floor - which is adjacent to her property.  I dunno.  I might make a trip up there just to do that.  I don't really want it sitting around here forever, but if I put it somewhere out of sight, it will be "out of mind".

It's a beautiful day out.  Perfect temperature.  I remind myself to get out there and enjoy it because soon? It's going to be very, very hot out there.

Long interlude.  Done for the day.

G'nite.

ben

Saturday 3/10/2012

I believe I have found the dog.
I have done a lot of searching on the internet that last couple of days, including daily searches that county shelters - there are 2 of them in the Phoenix area.  I found a Catahoula that was absolutely gorgeous - but 8 years old!  Who would get rid of their 8 year old dog?    I don't know, but I was looking for something much younger, at least figure to have a number of good years with it before the inevitable, starting off at 8 years, who knows.

Anyway, I am going to meet the dog tomorrow afternoon.  It's a private shelter.  The people running it have a farm, basically and apparently have all KINDS of animals there.   Got into a conversation with the person running it, no real requirements excepting the following:  Do you have cats?  NO, not a cat lover here.  Good, she replies, because this dog doesn't like cats, either.  She apparently doesn't do cat rescues, lol, as she stated she doesn't like cats at all.

I don't know what it is about cats, you either love them or hate them, there doesn't seem to be much middle ground.  I find them to be very detached animals that only want to come around when it's time to eat and pretty much stay up all night long, making noise around the neighborhood and getting in to cat fights.  I'm sure cat lovers will tell me something different - but I grew up with cats and I just got to the point that I didn't much care for them and would much rather have a dog any day of the week.

Well, the dog is blind in one eye.  Which doesn't bother me as long as the dog has one good working eye, who cares.  From the pics, you can't TELL the dog is blind in which ever eyes.  The dog appears to be pure Catahoula.  The description states that it is very loyal and will follow you everywhere you go - yup, the same as Coco was.  That dog followed me EVERYWHERE when I was home.

Well, that's tomorrow, so on to other things.  Which there ain't much more.  I am still pretty beat and though I have great aspirations to get some projects finished around here, I am just not sure that's going to happen this weekend.  We'll see.  It's only 8:00am right now, I usually wait til' late morning before I start on anything major if I'm going to get started at all.

Well, I am going to do the basic stuff around here at the very least.  All the plants need watering - I cannot get a break, no rain since last year and no sign of any coming.  My water bills are down during the winter months regardless just because the heat of summer isn't sucking the water right out of the ground, but I am stil having to water everything a couple of times a week - growing season is here already and I am also going to spray Miracle Grow on everything as well.

Hmmm, some weeds need pulling as well.  Lots of fun there.  I also found a tree sapling growing behind another tree yesterday.  It is not the same type of tree it is growing next to, which is one of the Sissoo trees.  It appears to be a Chinese Elm, which I have planted elsewhere on the property.  I am going to soak the ground nicely around it and dig it up and plant it in a planter and see if I can get it to grow.  I can't leave it where it is, it will interfere with the Sissoo eventually and one or the other will have to go.

Whatever the case, the day is not getting any younger, fried potatoes, bacon and eggs cooking and soon a breakfast then after that, get outside and get something done.

G'day.

ben

Friday 3/9/2012

I was running on OT today and wanting to go home, frankly.  But, 3 more deliveries that had to be done - leaving the yard at around 1:20 pm.
I found a gorgeous, beautiful Catahoula on the internet.  Problem?  Dog is in Kingman, 180 miles away and this particular adoption agency won't adopt a pet to you without a home visitation first.  Nixed that one off the list, they aren't going to drive 180 mile, one-way, to visit my house, lol. I just wrote them an email describing the situation.

Meanwhile, I have been looking to rent a pickup truck with a fifth wheel plate to haul that trailer up to the mountains myself.  Penske will not rent a semi tractor to an individual, only business.  I could haul it up there with the tractor at work, but I am not even going to ask about it - I have used company truck in the past with permission to haul things here locally for personal use, but never anything outside of town.  If something were to happen, whoever gave the permission would probably have some serious yuck on their hands from corporate.

I am giving up on that search as all roads have led to a dead end.  I was referred to a local company that rents a pickup with a fifth wheel - only to find out that they stopped for whatever reason.  I may run an ad on Craigslist, but the last time I did that people were asking for $300 plus to haul the thing 28 miles.  I wonder how much they think hauling it 125 miles is worth? LOL!!!

The man that I was going to use is continuing to raise his prices, so I am looking for a backup or two in case he starts going off the deep end.  In the end?  I will pay whatever I have to, if I have the money, lol, to get that thing up there.
Still some work left to be done with it, though.

Umm, getting late - by my standards anyway.

Thursday 3/8/2012

What started out as going to be a short day in terms of deliveries ended up to be a marathon. BUT, there was one big difference today than many other days, that being that I had to wait for long periods of time at deliveries and even pickups.
I take all the junk with me with my laptop anymore in the truck. Junk being the DC to AC converter and the charging cord for both the computer and the mobile broadband device.  Oh, was I ever-so-loving glad I did today.  I bet I spent 5 hours sitting in the truck with nothing to do - nothing, of course, unless you have a laptop computer that has internet access.
When I am able to engage myself during the day during the waiting periods, I don't get sleepy and lethargic.  Which generally helps the day go by much easier than if I'm just sitting there taking short naps.

It's also nice to recharge the computer off the semi DC outlets : )

Umm, tomorrow is Friday already.  It has been a long and a short week at the same time.  I cannot get Coco out of my head.  Not that I am breaking down at this point and going haywire, but I miss that doggy.  But, my  Danes are more than happy to see me when I get home and wagging their tails, jumping up and down, running around, smashing into my side, you know, nice doggies.  Life goes on and time will help, but not that much time has passed yet : )  I haven't lost a human, but as far as I'm concerned, I have definitely lost a family member.

I did not search for any dogs today, I have gone through so many sites that it became overload and decided today not to do any of it today.

As for the rest of my life, well, it is what it is.  Long day at work today and looking to be a long day at work tomorrow as well with 7 deliveries in the system already.  Yes, if you are delivering pizzas, that isn't many deliveries, if you are delivering truckloads, completely different story.  Especially if your duties not only include driving the truck, but also pulling the orders, verifying quantities; palletizing and shrink wrapping the product and also putting it onto the truck.  A vast majority of truck drivers do not engage in all of that, trust me, I know from a a lot of experience.  Not that I am better, but it is definitely more engaging.

Annuals are on sale at Home Depot.  I would like to put some color out front in the form of flowers and - well just want to add something different out there.  Well they aren't "on-sale" as in some reduced price, just that they are now available.  I have 3 large pots out there and they look really nice when I fill them up with flowers.

I haven't worked on the roof of that trailer in several weeks now.  I was preoccupied with Coco and trying to get her well.  I didn't want to do anything else.  I am hopeful to have the resolve restored in me this weekend to get up there and get more done with it.  Well, I don't know and certainly not saying I am definitely get up there, but I hope to.

So that's it for now.  I am sick of all the s*** with the GOP race for the nomination for presidential candidate and the more I see Romney, the less I like.  I will vote for him if it comes down to it to get rid of Obama, but it would be nice to see something suddenly appear in the Independent realm that would actually be to my liking.  I would rather not have to vote FOR someone just to get rid of someone I don't want in there.  I actually liked Bachman, to be honest, but that's history and I would rather vote for Santorum over Romney.

Done.  Tired, out of it and it's almost 8:00 pm.  Close enough to my bedtime.

ben

Well This Isn't Very Much Fun

I mean, I went as far as a nationwide search for the hoopla of it, there are some of the same mixed breed I am looking for here and there, but definitely nothing near HERE.  Yet, anyway.  I dunno, maybe some other breed of dog will totally capture my fancy and I will do something completely different.  I have never, now that I think of it, repeated the same breed twice.  Visla; German Short Haired Pointer: German Shepherd Mix; Great Danes; Catahoula Mix; Golden Retriever; Chihuahua; Rat Terrier; dogs when I was a kid and I didn't know what breed they were - neither did my parents.  

Okay, here goes my heart to melt mode again, I just now opened a letter that came from the emergency clinic, specifically from the vet that had to do the dirty work.  I am going to just post, verbatim, her hand written note:
"I send you my heartfelt sympathy during this difficult time of loss.  Coco was a very sweet girl, and was so lucky to have so much love in her life. May the memory of Coco and the good times you shared live on in your heart forever. Sincerely, Dr. Crane"  I was over the tears until I read that note.

Wednesday 3/7/2012

Hump day already?
Well there's a full day's worth of stuff to do at work and I have to be there early, yet again.
A fire burning out of control in the southwest valley.
Crazy.  I was driving home yesterday and was on the ramp that goes over I-10 from the Superstition Freeway to the I-10 eastbound and looked over to my right - west. Are those clouds?  Off to the west looked to be cloud formations but they were low.  I couldn't figure out what it was until I got home and read the news.  A farmer decided to do a "controlled" burn on a day that was slated to have 40 to 60 mph winds.

How do you control a fire with that kind of wind going on? Obviously, in this case, you don't.

Well whatever.

I went to the small group at church last night - but it was a waste of my time.  I was too tired to get into any of it.  It starts late and ends later.  If I'm getting up at 4:00 am, going to bed at 9:00 pm the night before isn't very helpful, at all.  So, I'll pay for it today.

Later.
ben

Tuesday 3/6/2012

Every passing day is getting much better.
There's one thing that is definitely true about grief: You do NOT want it to go on forever.
It is far more draining than most things that come at you in life.
I got off work today and went to the pound.
I could not believe how many Pit Bulls or Pit Bull mixes were in there. I'm guessing 75% of the dogs in that place.  I have absolutely no inclination, whatsoever, to have a dog that has any Pit Bull at all in it.
I don't care about the so-called experts statements that they are not a bad breed, it is THE breed I read about that kills it's own human family members and basically mauls people to death.  I don't really like the way they look, anyway.

There was only one, single dog in the entire place that had any allure to me, but, it wasn't really what I was looking for, so I passed on all of them.  I had an excuse to go in there: had to pay the Dane's license fees, which were already overdue.  Allegedly, if my dogs get out and they have current, paid-up tags and Animal Control catches them, they will try to bring them back to your house, first, before taking them into the pound.

I also slept pretty well last night, which was a big help today.

Anyway, I just bridged a big hurdle-  something I couldn't even get myself to do on Sunday, and that is go out front and water the plants.  Coco would always be out there with me, always.  I decided to let the Danes come out there and help me along with this..........but it wasn't too terribly tough anyway and those Danes are always getting in the way of things.............lol.

Well, I'm a bit tired but I think I am going to force myself to go to the small groups tonight, anyway.  It'll make me that more tired and ready to go to sleep when I get home, starts in 55 minutes.

Later.

ben

It Caught Up To Me

The extreme fatigue, that is.
I was dragging through the day today.  The weeks of dealing with Coco and all that went into that - well it's over but the fatigue is not.
It was good, however, to go to work today and get my mind off of the whole situation, which in turn helped me when I got home.  It usually doesn't take me very long to get over a dog, though I will never forget her of course, the emotion at least tends to dissipate quickly.
I miss her, but the grief is starting to come to a much lower dial tone at this point and that is a good thing.
I had even started to think of possibly getting another dog of the same or close to the same breed.  Catahoulas are extremely intelligent dogs and I would like to have another one.

But it might be a bit soon for that, no hurry in that department.  At the same time, they are killing dogs all over the place, especially in Maricopa County, every day, because there are more dogs up for adoption than there are homes to adopt them out to.  I got Coco and the 2 Danes off of Craigslist, but I got the little Chihuahua for Mark and Lynnette out of the pound - and that is definitely their doggy. It mostly stays in their bedroom all day long and has never been encouraged to become a part of the rest of the pack in this house, at all.  Their doings, not mine.

So, who knows.  I haven't had a puppy in decades - always just get already grown-dogs.

Umm, well whatever. Have to be at work early tomorrow, but only half an hour early.  Just gonna go to bed at the normal time and hope that I can get enough sleep to make it through tomorrow.

ben

Monday (whatever date it is)

I didn't sleep well last night.
Went to bed at 8, woke up around 1:30 and never got back to sleep.
I should have just gotten up and done something to make me sleepy, but I didn't.

I guess I won't go into all the thoughts.  I called my mom yesterday to tell her that Coco
has passed, thinking I was going to be able to have a conversation about it, but I quickly
found myself breaking down again and realizing just give it a few more days or so and this
will pass.  Perhaps those images of her death won't pass so quickly, though.

Going into work today might be a bit rough. I've been off for 3 days - I took a vacation
day on Friday, but I will call it anything but a vacation.  When I first started this process of
getting that travel trailer to go up to the mountains, speaking of vacationing, it was with all
these dogs in mind, especially Coco.

Perhaps a little time will change it, but now it seems a moot point.  You know, running around in the
woods and having a grand ole time.

I probably should just shut up at this point, I have nothing positive to say, my thoughts are bleak.

ben

I have to vent this, because it is a sight that will never leave me.
Coco was supposed to just pass out and that would be the end of it.
A little muscle twitching would occur after she passed.
The vet did not give her enough of the fluid.
She was on the stretcher, upright.
When the fluid hit her, she laid down, so to speak.
I was looking into her eyes and telling her how much I loved her.
Then there was a bit of twitching, which was expected.
A few more seconds.
Her gaze was fixed on me.
Then, violent, extreme body convulsions.
Her mouth opened wide and she let out shreiks.
Twice.
The vet pulled out another syringe and injected it into her: "Oh, I better give her more".
This will never leave me and this is what is causing me more grief than anything, that
my dog suffered, that what was "supposed" to happen, didn't.

Pics

Sunday

I wrote my pastor last night telling him I probably wouldn't be in church today because of my dog's passing.
I'm still a bit of a train wreck here, I am going to miss that dog terribly.

He wrote back and told me how he had to put his Golden Retriever down a few years back and that it was one of the hardest things he had ever had to do - and then told me he would see me in church tomorrow, which is now today of course.  Maybe, maybe I will go, but I woke up this morning, looked over at her empty bed and started all over again.  I don't really like showing that kind of emotion in front of people, going to church may be a bit much.

I was thinking about the drive to the animal hospital last night.  I remembered thinking: if they tell me I have to put that dog down, I am not ready for that.  I can't do that today. The whole situation changed in that little room, with her laying there, breathing semi-heavy - apparently she had fluid around the lungs as well according to their ultrasound - just laying there.  I have been fighting for this dog's life for 2-1/2 weeks now and when the conversation came up about putting her down, my mind changed at that point.

How much longer am I going to go through this mental draining?  Feeding her with a turkey baster and attempting to get fluids down her throat and worrying about her while I was at work and seeing her yesterday - barely able to walk.  It was the right thing to do, yes, but that doesn't make it somehow easier. But it was time, she wouldn't have lasted much longer, anyway.    I was a bit surprised that my crying - I couldn't contain it in that room - was getting the doc teary eyed, too.   It did make it a little easier that the person that was going to inject the drug into Coco's veins to put an end to her life was not somehow detached and unemotional about the passing of an animal, which many people think is stupid that you would have the same kind of emotional reaction as you might have with the passing of an actual human.

That's it for me today.  There isn't really anything else for me to talk about, as I don't really care about anything else right now.  I am sure that will change by tomorrow or soon enough, but for today, I am going to get up the pics of my dog and remember the good times that we had.

Editing this one:  They had all these options of what to do with the body.   Euthanasia and take the body home - no thanks.  The ground around here is too rocky, it would take days to dig a hole that deep.  Cremate - but don't get the ashes.  I thought about them taking my dog's body and throwing it into a trash can or cremating her body and doing the same thing.  No, not this time.  Cremate and get the ashes in an urn - with urns apparently going up and up in price.  Thanks, I'll take the plastic container one.  I don't want to KEEP her ashes, I just don't want them ending up in a landfill somewhere.  She loved the great outdoors and that's where those ashes will go.  I will take them up to the property in the mountains and release them over a portion of the land that is unused and unusable and on the adjacent property - which is the Tonto National Forest.  I think that fitting. She absolutely loved it up there, running and follicking around in the woods and having a grand old time.

ben

Coco

My beautiful Great Dane/Catahoula mix was put down at 8:38 pm today, 32 minutes ago.
I had been attempting to prepare myself for this for the last few days now.
I know the sight of a dog that is at their last, and she was definitely there.

She was so weak today that she could barely get up and she could hardly walk, bumping
against the walls as she tried to get outside to urinate.  That was it, I took her to an animal
hospital in Gilbert, AZ for one, last, final attempt.

But as I was driving there, I had the gut feeling that this wasn't going to end well.  I've
been a dog owner all my life and I have been down this road several times now.
The vet had taken a sample out of her belly, which was huge.  She said that it was fluid
from her belly and went down a rather short list of things that it could be.  Heart disease,
cancer, a few other things.

When she came back with an estimate of how much it would cost just to try and find out
what was wrong with her - $1,686.00 - well that was the last straw.  I don't have that kind of
money to fork out on a dog.  We had a frank discussion and then I started crying.  When they
brought her into the room I was in, I then started balling.  They left me alone with her after
I had made the decision that it was time for her to be put down and I just cried while stroking
her soft, furry coat.

I wanted to be there for her passing, that she wouldn't die looking into the eyes of a stranger.
So I stayed.  She pulled out the syringe, they already had the thing in her vein, I was speaking softly
into my dog's ear and stroking her head, giving her a kiss here and there, saying goodbye to her.

She passed in front of me.

She was one of the best dogs that I have ever had.  She was so incredibly smart, agile, full of life and
energy.  Loyal, she would follow me everywhere.  I may still have 2 other Great Danes here, but it is
going to take a while to get used to coming home and not having her jumping up and down, making the
noise she made, greeting me and leading the way to the door.

She had been rejected by 4 families, being carted around on Craigslist when I first got her.  She had such
separation anxiety that she would do anything to get out of the yard when I would leave.  2 weeks after
I brought her home, my house burned down, but I was able to find a place to live that would take a dog
that large.

Over time, she got over the separation issue and was fully content to let me go in the mornings when I headed off to work because she knew I would be coming home later.

I will miss her, dearly.

Bye, Coco, I love you sweety.

ben

Saturday 3/3/2012

I have no idea where this situation with Coco is going.  I'm still hoping for the best, but she doesn't appear to be getting any better.  I just don't know if she's getting better or not is the point.  Yesterday, after force feeding her, she later threw it up - like about 3 hours later.
That was not a good sign.  At the same time, though, she is drinking plenty of water on her own.  Plus, the stuff I had force fed her with may not necessarily be a "bland" diet type of thing and I am resorting back to nothing but chicken and rice.
Though, this morning, I did give her a bottle of ensure.  That stuff is racked full of all kinds of good stuff that, if she can keep it down, would help her a bit to regain her strength.
I'm kinda wondering, though, at this point, if the doc might not have missed something on those x-rays he took.  At the same time, she was pissing out solid blood and though I occasionally see some spotting here and there, that is mostly back to what it is supposed to be.  I will be checking on that today.  So, I don't really know.  The whole situation is in limbo.  Continue to give her the strong antibiotics and hope that it will take it's course and have it's way on whatever's going on in there.

One thing's for sure, I can't afford another vet visit.  Maybe just a visit for a checkup - I think that's $45 - but any x-rays or blood panels or whatever else is simply out of the question.  He's a very experienced, long-time vet who I think, anyway, knows what he is doing.  He has been running that place for quite a long time.  I'm just trying to reassure myself that I took the dog to the right place and that a good prognosis has been made and that she is going to get better.  What else CAN I do?

Pray.  Yes, I have been praying over her.  God created all things, including dogs.  He can fix her and I am standing in faith and asking the Lord to do exactly that.  Sound crazy? Maybe, but I don't see anywhere in the scripture that forbids me to pray for animals so therefore, that's exactly what I am doing.  I have nothing else left to do besides sit here and hope and pray.  She was up several times last night - I leave my door ajar so she can get out.  She goes outside, pisses and then drinks more water.  She finally came back in on her own last night on the second trip, for whatever reason she hasn't even been coming back into the house until I go out there and invite her to come in.

Whatever the case, I cannot continue like this forever.  The dog just needs to heal and get it over with, I am not going to even speak the other side of that coin as I believe in the power of the spoken word, so I will speak life over her, not the other alternative.

It's Saturday, so I will probably try to get some stuff done around the house today as I normally do on Saturdays, but this situation is beginning to wear me down.  I really don't even think she would be alive right now if I hadn't started force feeding her.  She still won't even think about eating and she tries to clamp her mouth shut when I do the turkey baster routine - but - it's solid plastic and very long and makes it's way into her mouth regardless of whether she likes it or not.  In a couple of hours, I am going to give her another half bottle of Ensure and then a little later even more.  After that, this evening, I will try giving her a smaller dose of the concoction I have been blending up and hope that she can keep it down.

The only other thing that I have "pressing" on me today is to spend time in the Word and seek the Lord.

Later.

ben

Friday 3/2/2012

My internet speed is down AGAIN.  I continue to have to call Qwest/CenturySucks to get it fixed.  Today, I called corporate.  I asked the executive whatever dude to look at how many times I have had to call for this same issue, over and over.  Wow, he states, several times in the last MONTH alone!  Yes, but your company thinks it's perfectly acceptable that "well all you have to do when it's doing that is call in", as if I WANT to have to call in several times a month.

I then ask about the reduced rate internet service that is guaranteed price with no contract for 5 years.  Yes, he states, but you have internet only, you don't have phone service with us.  To get that promotion, you have to get a home phone line as well.  I told him the reason WHY I got rid of their home phone service: it didn't work, either and I continuously had to call them to come out and "repair" it, which never lasted very long and then, kablaam, right back a square one.

Oh.  He then starts talking about how he COULD offer me a reduced rate, but I would have to agree to a 1 year contract.  I never heard with the reduced rate was, because I couldn't believe he was asking me to sign a contract for service that barely works!  FIX THE SERVICE and then we'll talk about contracts with reduced rates, was my reply.  Why haven't I already switched over to another company as I stated I was going to before?

2 reasons.  First I haven't had the time and second because I really don't have "spare" money right now to buy another modem.  Cox makes you either buy their modem or you can go buy your own, but you also have to buy a separate router.  The Century Link Motorola 3347 is a modem and router combined together. When the service works, it works really well.  Well, he says, I can have a level 2 service technician call you back and try to deal with this situation.  Okay, whatever.  At least I was able to bypass all that Philippines junk some extremely calloused, indifferent people who could care less whether your service works or not.

But, for yucks, I am going to call Cox today and see if I can get any better deal than what they have offered me.  They will give a new modem for free, I think, if you bundle service with them, ie: internet and cable.  Not interested in their cable.  If I am going up to the mountains this summer, I want the option of having tv up there.  I don't watch that much, but I do watch some tv.  Cox cable ain't running through there and the only option is satellite.  I am considering switching to Dish Network, though.  I am sick of paying extremely high monthly bill for satellite TV just because Direct TV thinks I should.  I have to go to extreme measures - frequently enough - to get the discounts I am getting renewed.  They are now telling me that regardless, I am going to be paying an extra almost $5 per month because they are raising their rates.

Cox is, as usual, immovable in their rates.  You either get extremely slow connection at 3mpbs or you jump to 18mpbs at $53.95 per month - there is no speed rate service in between.  Just got done with a live chat agent and they told me oh well, no biggies after I stated that if you couldn't offer something in between, I would not be doing business with your company.  I could call them and ask for something better, but something tells me it would be a complete waste of time.  I will either have to live with the service I have or pay mores to Cox.  I would like my monthly expenses to go DOWN, not up, thanks.  I'm not sure Dish Network is going to be all that much better priced, either, but I am going to check it out.

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Rather long interlude.  A higher level service manager called and has already set up for a technician to come out - today actually.  He stated if the tech needed to, he would replace the modem with a newer one.  ????? This is the umpteenth time I've heard differing statements on this particular modem I have.  One person telling me it's a newer model, another telling me it's an older model.  This guy specifically stated it's about 3 to 4 year old technology and there is a better modem available.  So, definitely give this a shot is all I can say about it.  I hate Cox anyway, more than I had Century Link.  I could go into the "service" I once had with them and all of that, but it would take too long and I have already done that on this journal sometime in the past.

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Another long interlude. The vet called.  He was asking for a person named Allen.  Dunno anyone by that name, are you with Qwest (hard to remember that they have changed their name to Century Link).  No, this is so and so with the animal clinic.  Oh, hey doc, this ben b that brought in coco.  We chatted a few minutes - he was starting to talk about MRI's and this and that.  I said no, can't do that.  We're going to continue to give her those antibiotics and hope for the best.  If there is something more serious such as cancer (he came up with all kinds of stuff), then at some point I would have to consider putting her down.  But I am not even close to that point yet, it's only 3 days into the antibiotics and considering she was bleeding profusely just 2 days ago, I would expect that this problem still has some time to heal before we go to any "next" phase, of which I cannot afford anyway.  So that was it, I told him I was force feeding her and about how she was so weak the other day she could barely walk - wanted to see what his reaction to the force feeding was.  No problem with it at all and encouraged me to continue doing so.  Yes, well I have already done that today and will do it again later on.  Twice a day with as much calories and protein and all the stuff in it that I am putting in there should be very good for at least getting some of her energy back.  I am going up to the store in a bit and get some Ensure and buy some more chicken.  I am also going to cook a pot of rice - over cook it so it gets mushy.  That way, I can blend it to a much finer consistency than what the other rice was doing. It was clogging up the turkey baster and making it hard to get much in there.

I did no rice this morning and the liquid was easily filling up the baster.  Takes much less time to get the stuff down her throat that way.  The thing that is at least somewhat good is that she isn't putting up a fight when I am doing this baster routine. She is sometimes clenching her jaw shut, but that's not bad compared to what I was expecting: her attempting to run away and having to hold her down to do it.  No, she isn't doing that at all.  She just lays there and lets me do it.

Terrible video because of low light quality. Well, actually, I should have checked the light factor on the camera which I could have changed.  Too late and I am going to bed.  Just a look at the dog in question.  Try again in daylight tomorrow.

Is There Anyone That Doesn't Do Twitter?

The answer is yes.  I know this for a fact that at least one person in the United States does not visit twitter, does not go to movie stars Twitter accounts and google and ga or make profane statements or otherwise.  The reason I know this? That person happens to be me.  I think I started an account there, moved around, did the rounds, hated it.  Boring.  Stupid.  Egotistical.  A bunch more adjectives.  Who cares?  I hear birds tweeting around here all the time, that's enough twittering for me, thanks and I like to listen to the birds tweets, I really could care less about the internet version of it.

Why say that?  It's EVERYWHERE, ALL the time. In the news, in the mail, on your facebook wall, you can't get away from it, yet, I NEVER go there!! My life is not in danger of being ended because I don't do Twitter.  I blog here, I occasionally write on Facebook, I do Yelp here and there, a few other things I have been affiliated with for years and years concerning trucking.  But Twitter? Can disappear off the face of the cyber earth and I wouldn't be affected one way or the other, at all.  Yes, I do all kinds of READING all over the internet, Twitter NOT included, I was just elucidating on the places I do write.

I hear too much about tweeting and what people say that gets in the news is mostly stupid, insulting or otherwise offensive.

Enough.  I decided against giving Coco more force-fed food for today. I gave her a lot earlier and I figure I am doing good to get that much in her and get it digested without any problems.  Instead, I will do it again tomorrow morning and then again tomorrow evening - provided, of course, that she doesn't start eating on her own.  But, since she is taking the liquid food and not vomiting it up, I am resolved to do this as long as it takes.  Another day, another week, a month.

Well anyway, I have 3 days off and I am going to rest.  In fact, I am going to bed as early tonight as if I had to go to get up early for work tomorrow, which I don't have to do but definitely am headed there in a few minutes.

Later.

Thursday 3/1/2012

I am, allegedly, getting tomorrow off.  I had asked for a day off because my vacation hours accrue to a maximum of 80 and after that, you don't get anymore until you use some of them up.  Well, I am approaching 80 hours and I didn't want to lose any of it.

Turns out, it is coming at just the right time.  I wish I didn't have to work today, I would just sit around here and give that dog some liquid food throughout the day whether she wants it or not.  We're only at Thursday, but I am completely drained.  Between the huge orders at work that I have been cranking out - pulling, palletizing, shrink-wrapping, loading on the truck, etc etc etc and this situation with the dog plus getting some kind of coughing situation - which amazing already seems to be subsiding - I am out of it.  It will take everything in me to get through this day of work and get home and then - have to deal with this dog.

As for work, 2 of us cranked out over $200k worth of deliveries in 2 days time.  That's a lot of material for a 2 man crew without any more help than - no other help, actually.  We didn't catch a break in maybe a salesman helping or whatever, it was all on us.  Sometimes a salesman will help us do smaller deliveries while I concentrate on the semi-load worth of stuff.  Sometimes they will send over a person from the main branch to help out even if for only half a day.  Well, they did send someone over yesterday but that was too late, we had already done all the work, he did a bunch of clean-up- which is nice, but all of this is taking it's toll on me.

The dog has stopped the constant dribbling of blood altogether at this point.  So, the antibiotics are at least working in that department, which is great, but she still won't eat a bite of food.  It doesn't really add up that I can force food down her throat - and she doesn't reject it/vomit it up.  That would suggest to me that she could eat if she wanted to.  Has she given up?  Does she not want to live? Is there something else going on?  I have no answers for any of that, the only thing I can say is that I do not have any more money for vet visits and whatever happens, happens.

My mother called me yesterday after I had sent her an email letting her know what's going on with Coco - but I had sent that email before the situation had deteriorated substantially.  When I told her what was going on, she about started crying on the phone - she is also a big-time dog lover.

Well, get on my "happy-face" and go to work in a few minutes.  At least today I didn't have to go in early - 3 days in a row I had to show up extra early because of all of this stuff going on.  There are deliveries for today - which haven't been pulled yet meaning out there in the dark and cold attempting to get something done that I am, quite admittedly, dragging my feet on - but it will get done and that will be the end of it.

Later.

Coco is dying.
I have no other conclusion than that.
I have given her the antibiotics, but it appears it's too little, too late.
She simply refuses to eat anything.  When I say anything, I mean chicken, beef, canned dog food, dog biscuits, whatever.  I cannot force the dog to eat.  She is so weak she can barely walk and at the point she can't walk? That's the end.  Dogs that can't get up and move around are dogs that do not live.
It seems unbelievable that I've had that dog to the vet twice and still nothing good has become of it.
She has been starving herself for about 2 weeks now and of course, you can't live forever without eating.  She took a LITTLE food yesterday, when I say little I mean like a couple of teaspoons full.  After that, she would have none of it.  I wish I knew what else I could do for her, but I don't know and I can't continue to ...........
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SNAP OUT OF IT.
Geeze.  Sometimes I piss myself off.  What can I do.  What can I do indeed.  Just took a can of beef broth, -poured in into a blender.  Took a whole leg of chicken (cooked, of course), tearing off both the skin and meat and dumped it in there.  Got some of my chicken and rice casserole that is left over from the other day and dumped that in there as well. Enough chicken and rice to make a good meal for a dog.  Turned on the blender and let'er whirl.  For quite a while, I wanted it watery in it's substance.

Sure enough, just like water or enough so that a turkey baster easily sucked it up.  Poured all of the mixture into a bowl and started force feeding her.  Yup, took that baster and shoved it into her mouth and near the back and let'er rip.  Holding her head up, she had no choice but to swallow.  I emptied that entire bowl into her mouth.  Waiting to see if she's going to puke it up or something, but in all of this, puking hasn't really been a factor.  It's been 20 minutes and no sign of rejection so far. If she can keep that down, I will do that every day, a couple of times a day until she starts eating on her own.

She is SO terribly thin she looks like death walking.  It's extremely saddening to watch your beloved dog wasting away, in pain.  The doc said no pain killers because - whatever he said, I didn't really hear it.  I was giving her some aspirins but he said no for whatever reason  - I think dehydration - but I think I am going  to shun that advice as the dog is drinking water, lots of it.  No, her problem besides the acute infection is the fact that she hasn't hardly eaten anything in that last 14 days.  A few dog biscuits, a bowl of spaghetti one night, but that's it.

It's been an hour now and no sign of vomiting/rejection.  She has also perked up quite a lot! Yes.  Tomorrow I will be stopping at the grocery store and buying more broth - though probably chicken broth this time and I already have chicken to cook in the freezer, take some of that out tonight to thaw.
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Well, about 2 hours now.  I was waiting for the worst, though certainly not hoping for it.  Instead, not only has she stomached the liquid food, she also to appears to have stopped dribbling and pissing out bloodied urine.

It is time for me to go to bed.  She is in for the night, on her bed and crashed out.  Yes, I care for my dogs.  Very much so.

ben