So, I am going to try for again to take a trip up to the property.  It's cold up there.  Lows will be in the 20's or in the teens this coming weekend.  I'm going to see about a set of thermals, I already have a very nice winter coat that I have "tested" in extremely cold conditions.  The trailer has an electric heat and a propane driven wall heater that blasts heat.  It also has heat coming out of the roof AC unit.  The central heat is not working.  But, I have ample experience with central heat in trailers: they consume a LOT of propane gas, too much.  Mix electric heat with the propane unit and that should be good.

That is, of course, if I can even get up there! Things keep happening to stop any intended trip. And yes, snow is also problematic.  It has snowed up there already but I don't know how much on the ground.  Whatever the case, if I do go, I intend on leaving on Friday afternoon as early as I can get off of work and hope to get up there before nightfall.  Preferably, well before nightfall.

That's the plan, who knows what will happen and only, as always if: the Lord is willing.

Well, other things I am engrossed with in thought and goal making and such, but no time here, time to go to bed.

The pastor has been pushing since this morning to meet and deal with this situation.
Which would be okay excepting I didn't sleep well last night, I am tired and I am a bit cranky right now.  Not only that but he has some other person or people coming in to "help" with this situation.

The only thing I can say is if it turns as contentious as it did last night, I will have no part of it.  Not in the mood for it and frankly, leadership of a church should be able to constrain themselves and not lash out or whatever in attempt to make others see things their way (I'm right, you're wrong type of deal).

It is probably true that if I leave this church, it will be a long, long time before I even think about going to another one.

Whatever.  It rained most of the morning, it was blowing wind and the "real feel" temp was at 37, and yes, it felt that cold.

Well, time to drive off and go deal with this situation, come what may.

It dawned on me this morning that it has been quite a while since the City of Chandler sent out a photo radar ticket to me in the mail.  Per the rules, I don't have to respond to it and - I didn't.  The rules also state that after 120 days, it's too late.  They must use a process server to officially serve the summons, a mail-sent summons does not constitute having been legally served.  So, looking at the date: September 20, 2012, it's been well over 120 days since that thing was sent out to me.

Now, there is a chance that the  process server put the thing somewhere out front and just left it in a place where the wind can blow it away or get stuck in bushes out front - it wouldn't be the first time - so I will go out and scour the front of the property today to ensure I didn't miss their ridiculous version of having had served a person.

I am blowing that off. The time has elapsed, the picture of the individual driving the car is blurry and obscured by the car's right headlight - it's out of alignment, lol.  The pics show the vehicle entering the intersection on yellow and exiting on red.  Oh well, sometimes it happens.

As for the situation with the church, it pretty much blew up in an email exchange that went too far.  The pastor took personal offense at my email to the church and said I was accusing him of - what I don't know since he never said even after asking him twice - and went off into all kinds of tangents.  I had asked there be a face-to-face meeting about this instead of email exchanges precisely because of this reason.

Things tend to get blown out of proportion in email and things may be said that, in a personal interaction, would never be stated.  Whatever the case, the email exchange did not end well but he asked me this morning in another email to meet with him and an elder personally to attempt to try and resolve the issue.  Fine, whatever.  I didn't sleep well last night so that may not be the greatest idea in the world, but if he really wants a personal meeting now after he didn't care about it when I specifically stated that I would rather not do all of this in emails, well, whatever.
\
The subsequent conversation with one of my tenants about this had him stating that that's why he doesn't go to church.  I also heard this on Saturday from the mother of the deceased co-worker: she HATES church because it is "man-made".  She is, for whatever reasons we did not go into, very bitter against the Catholic Church and will only watch church services on TV, not actually go to one.

You meet all kinds of people walking around that have been offended by the church and are usually bitter and holding grudges and all that good stuff. I know that I have been there as well.  Took quite a long time to get over it, which I believe I now am, but then baam, here we go with something else that puts the church in a negative light, IMO.

Well whatever. It's raining, I'm sitting in a pipe yard in west Phoenix and not looking forward to getting out of my warm truck to go tie down pipe that should be getting loaded onto the truck any minute now.

With that, I'm outta here!
ben

I get tired of church games.
I don't think there's a church in existence that doesn't "participate" in such frivolity in some way, shape or form.
But still.
The church I am going to now, well.
Over a year ago, I saw a note in the weekly flyer saying anyone that wanted to become a church member can sign up and go through the training course.
Cool, I thought, whatever the course is, even if it's stuff I already know, it should be good.
Well, I was informed shortly before the day of the class that it had been cancelled because of people out with sickness and I would be informed when the next class would take place.

Well that never happened and the there was never any mention of it in the flyer again.  Now, whether that was due to them not wanting certain individuals and not making it public anymore (and yet still having classes that I don't know about ) or whether they stopped altogether - who knows.

But when I went in there this morning, I saw a table set up with 2 books on it.  These books had people's names written in it.  Mine was not in either of them.  It was a listing of all the members and those who could vote for their annual board meeting.  They had to have a quorum of church members present to be able to conduct the business.

I remember this last year as well. It didn't sit so well with me then, but now, after 20 months of going to this church, well, it rubbed me the wrong way.  Not necessarily because I am not on their membership roles, but that the whole situation had been swept under the carpet, nothing was ever said to me again about membership meetings and no-one has, apparently, the intestinal fortitude to come up to me and tell me why  I am not fit for membership in their church.

These are games, IMO.  The type of games that, if not rectified, will lead me to leave permanently.  If I am not eligible for membership in their church and they don't even want to confront me, if such is the case, and tell me why, then they can go blow.  And unlike them, I will have no problem telling them that to their face if it comes to that.  Which I hope it does not, but I certainly went through some mind games this morning after seeing that and not seeing my name in there.  Why is that important to you?  Because, not being able to participate in something like what everyone else in the church or most everyone else in the church can participate in makes me feel like and outsider looking in. No viable input, no nothing.  I could stay if I wanted to, according to today's bulletin, but only members are allowed to vote.

I just want to tell them they can go jump in an icy cold lake.

Instead, I sent them an email and explained the situation (in case someone feigns to not remember) and that I would not be coming back unless they want to have a face-to-face meeting with me (forget the phone calls or the emails, thanks) and tell my why.  That's it.  Just a simple explanation.  Even if it's telling me I am not somehow good enough/disqualified/ whatever, that's what I need to hear.  I can then make a decision as to whether I want to continue on in that church, or, if there is something they prescribe - within reason - that I need to do (and biblically based, thanks), I can deal with that.  But getting the cold shoulder? I've already been through that in churches and I refuse to just play along and act like it doesn't bother me ever again.  Either deal with me and this situation or I will come to the last service I will come to, get up front and explain the situation to everyone in the church whether they want me to or not and let the congregation know the particulars.  The the body of Christ in that church can decide - through hearing from the Lord of course and hopefully - what should occur instead of what's going on now.

That's it.

The Funeral

Well, interesting.

Got to the funeral home.  An all inclusive funeral at that place.  No funeral procession and the wake the same day as the service.  Walked in, got into the room where George was laying in a coffin and sat down.  Just looked around, looked up front at George and pondered.

After a little while, they started a video showing on a drop-down screen of a very large series of photographs of George from birth until recently.  In fact, the most recent photo was of him and his wife at the company party in December.

There was a pretty crowd there considering it was the viewing and the actual service wasn't going to start for another 2 hours.

I took a walk up to the front and took a look at George.  His body had decayed considerably.  I found that interesting because at other viewings I had never seen any decay.  Bodies are filled with the fluid and kept refrigerated as far as I know.  One side of his face was quite puffy looking and there was damage visible.  They had a cap on his head - though for George that certainly wasn't unusual, I am guessing it would have been hard to cover up the "blunt force trauma" that killed him if they hadn't had that on there.   His fingers were - not really fingers anymore from the decay.

I don't really know how morticians can work with bodies like that day in and day out, that is not something I think I would take much pleasure in - at all.  Not to mention having to oversee the services and seeing this kind of thing on a very frequent basis.

Anyway, I got out of there after viewing the entire collection of photos and partway into it a second time and started getting into conversations in the hallway with his family members, only a few of which I know.  I also happened upon George's best friend and not just self-described as such, either, pretty much everyone that knew George said yes, that was his best friend.

The service started and his mother was just losing it.  Of course, that's to be expected.  A pastor got up and used the service as an opportunity to preach the Gospel and I was listening to his mom making comments, turns out she is a very strong Christian woman.

At least half of the crowd ended up over at one of the step-son's house and there was food and tables set up in the back yard.  It was and is quite cool out there.  Cold, actually, at least by my standards.  Which probably isn't saying much compared to those that are currently in the aftermath of that huge blizzard.  I sat down at the best friend's table - they were sitting alone and then a crowd of managers joined the table I was sitting at and we had some interesting discussions.

I hugged the mother on the way out- she broke down in tears as I told her it was very cool that she is a strong, Christian woman.  She gave me a look of surprise.  Yes, I could tell from the way you were talking that you love the Lord, is what I told her.  She went into a very long story of how she absolutely loves the Lord but hates the church, which she considers man-made and not very nice words about it.

I felt compelled to tell her that yes, many churches are built upon man, but there are plenty out there that aren't.  But I didn't push it, no point in it.  I simply told her that we had been praying for her and the rest of the family and that we would continue to do so.  They are going to have a second service in New York, which is where George is from and apparently had many friends back there as well.

That's pretty much it.  5 hours worth and that was enough for me.  Most of the people had cleared out by the time I left the gathering anyway.  Our company's GM told me it did happen on I-40, contrary to some rumors that have been floating around, and that he had, indeed, rolled the pickup into a semi that was already rolled over in the Interstate's center median.  George had hit black ice and that was also what had caused the 2 trucks to crash.  The police report has not been released and won't be until 21 days, so we still won't know exactly what happened out there, but now I have a clear picture of it, anyway.

Home now.  I didn't much figure I would get anything done today with this funeral and the amount of time it would end up taking considering a visitation; service and then a party at a different location afterwards.  But I was glad I went.  I saw some sides to people there that they haven't shown before - mostly referring to management.  George and the ops manager used to hang out together here and there and apparently took trips to different places together.  Well I assume their wives would have been there with them. The GM had nothing but glowing remarks about George the entire time.

It's already past 6:00 pm, so I don't suspect I will do anything today, have church in the morning and dunno about the rest of Sunday.

ben

Money ain't everything, but it definitely is something.
So it goes in my head when I contemplate retirement and attempting to save enough money for such.
Beyond that, however, is where to retire and do I want to have a mortgage at the age of 65 or whatever.
Do I want tenants living in my house forever.
Do I want to stay at the property that I am currently living on.
The answer to all 3 questions is a definitive: NO.

Properties in the area where I would like to retire are running 150k to 200k.

Zestimate - whether accurate or not I am not sure - has come up 36k in the last 4 months on my current property.  Another 35k and that's what I owe on it.  To go any more than that would be surprising, but certainly not unwanted.

Go live in a cheap dump somwhere for 5 to 10 years, save up all the extra money and build a house or cabin.

I don't really know how else to get there.

Better yet, just save up for one of those huge RV trailers with all the slide outs and then live in that for however long, saving as much money as possible.

Or, my original plan, to build a casita on the side of this house and have another rental unit.

Could just find a woman that has a great income, get married and then we can save a LOT of money quickly living together, lol.

Hmmm, the last one certainly sounds tempting if nothing else.

Actually, I really need to consider raising the rent on the tenants I have in here now.  Not being greedy, but my rates are around $75 to $100 per month less than "current market value", which is going up and up and up as renting is becoming the standard for people who have lost homes and have no choice but to rent - or live under a bridge.  Ohhhh, that I could just find somewhere where I could live realllly cheap without it being a total dump.  Of course, I have been known to fix up dumps to make them nice places to live.

Whatever.  Lots of thoughts swirling around in my mind, no conclusions on what to do.  

With that, it's off to work!

G'day.

ben

They arrested her and threw her in jail!
I got a letter from the City of Phoenix today telling me all about it and how the city is sorry that I have been the victim of a crime.  This is referencing Duke who was basically mauled by this woman's 3 pitbulls.
Look, I am just not that vindictive.  Dogs biting dogs.  If it was her 3 pitbulls mauling a human, I would  have a different view of it.  Her dogs are definitely gone - at the pound but I don't know if they are going to be put down or what, they are under quarantine.  I don't know what to say.   "Whosoever mocks the poor reproaches his Maker: and he that is glad at calamity shall not be unpunished."

I dunno.  

So I am making a delivery to a business.  The business is in a complex which is only accessible through a narrow driveway going into the area.  The are is a line of business down either side with a driveway going in a loop - or more like a rectangle once you get in there.  This is not a place for a semi.  Well it's too late, I am already in there.  I get out of the truck after talking to the man at the business and walk down to the end at the turn and then another turn to come back the other side. No way is that truck going to make it around that turn with all those vehicles and motorcycles parked there, not even close. 

The man starts informing me that a 53' trailer comes in there all the time with a long wheel base tractor. I'm looking at that turn and thinking this guy is on drugs.  He doesn't drive trucks, he has no clue what he is talking about.  I just said okay, but let's get the truck unloaded.  He continues to tell me how this big, long truck comes in there almost every day. I continue to let it go through one ear and out the other.  That turn is impossible with all the vehicles parked there, I wasn't even going to try it.  

At the end of this "discussion" and his continual bantering about how this "other" driver could make it through there, he finally admits that the truck comes in there early in the morning before anything is opened and all those vehicles aren't parked there.

Give me a break.  I was blocking a line of cars trying to get in.  When finally done, I pulled over to the side, waited until all of it cleared and then started backing out of there. Talk about a test of backing skill.  You would just have to see this place to appreciate it.  All the way out to the major surface street with LOTS of traffic on it. I waited and waited until there was enough of a break and cranked that baby right out there.  Traffic had to stop, yes, but what else was I supposed to do.  

Oh, and now my company is going to install satellite and will be able to track every truck in the fleet wherever it is.  A total and complete waste of money. The only purpose it will serve is to find out who is slacking off.  I don't really care if they see where I am at every minute of the day, I am busting @$$ so whatever.  But I do consider it micro-management at it's finest.  Someone looking over your should as often as they please to look on the computer and see.  This isn't just my manager, this is any manager in the company that has a hard-on to "catch" someone doing - what?  It will not alter anything for me.  I will still stop at the store and get my lunch.  That's the only "slacking" I do, which is not slacking at all anyway.  If I am driving all day long, I don't care what anyone thinks about me stopping at a store for 3 minutes to pick up a sandwich and a drink. 

I guess what I am not really fond of is micro-management.  I don't need or want someone watching over me every minute of the day.  I am self-motivated and I earn my money, thank you very much. I'll get used to it, had it some trucks when I was doing OTR stuff, but I can see the use for it there.  

Anyways, the GM (of my company of course) wrote a mass email today asking for anyone/everyone to send in any emails or whatever they might want to say to remember George by (the dude that was killed in the vehicle accident a week ago today).  Well, that was in my in-box when I came back from the road but also a personal one:  he was asking me if it would be okay to post my letter that I had written to him about the situation the day it happened.  It was a fairly personal letter to him, I know he really liked that particular worker and just wanted to send him something to offer some support.  

I re-read the letter and kinda hemmed and hawed on that one.  But it was obvious he wanted to put it in there, but at the same time he was trying to make it not-so-obvious.  I wrote back and said yes, if you feel it's appropriate, it was what was in my heart at the time and now still in my heart.  He wrote back and conveyed that the letter was very good, or however he put it and he thought George's wife would really like to see that.  

Cool.  George was a great guy.  A life taken to soon, I think.  He had a lot going on and a lot to look forward to.  We'll definitely all miss him.  I already miss him, lol, not seeing him downtown.  When he was there - which sometimes he was and sometimes he was out on the field - he would help me get everything together I needed to get on the truck and get out of there.  We would chat and talk about all kinds of things.  We weren't best friends, I'm not saying that, but we definitely got along and definitely talked about personal issues that had nothing to do with the company.  

Nice birthday. The college aged tenant made steak dinner and included me along in that equation.  That with fresh asparagus; mushroom and mashed potatoes - not made from boxed flakes.  I'm guessing 60 or 70 birthday wishes on my Facebook page.  My dad?  Got a card to me today, right on time : )  Nothing from my brothers, but not expected either.  An email with happy birthday would suffice - such as I do with them.  But, same-o, same-o.  Of course mom called besides already sending me 2 birthday cards!  

And an eviction notice.  The individual I was trying to help in the trailer has not been looking for a job.  I have heard 3 reports from 3 different people that he's screwing girls in there.  He has been avoiding me.  I pounded on the door 3 times today, no answer.  I just went in - but the "bedroom" draw-thingy was pulled close, I have no idea whether he was back there or not.  Whatever the case, I give people a chance in life.  If they do something with it, wonderful, if they do not, they can go mooch somewhere else.  

Umm, so that's it for now.  Much more, actually, but nothing I am going to go into now.  It's almost my bedtime : )

ben

My birthday today!!! I'm 49 years old!! Whooopeeee! lol

I was starting to get a bit antsy about it.
3 weeks and nothing.
I am speaking of rent coming from a certain individual.  I have 3 rooms of tenants.
Anyway, I figured if I didn't hear something or better yet, see some dinero by the end of today, well, time for notices.
Fortunately, the situation was resolved without having to say anything at all about it and that's that : )

Copied and pasted from my Facebook wall:
Driving the semi (48 foot flatbed trailer on International 8600 tractor) down the Santan/Loop 202 Freeway this afternoon, toodling along in the "slow" lane, had been in it for about 8 miles. A car comes zipping up, cuts directly in front of me - less than a car length of distance between my front bumper and his rear bumper - and hits the brakes. Truck was fully loaded, but light material, meaning not a heavy load and I was able to get slowed down. Immediately went into the middle lane to get past this - person - which took a few seconds to get back up to speed. JUST as I was about to overtake that car, he tried to cut me off again! But I had too much momentum, no slowing down this time, he started to enter my lane - with maybe 5 feet between us if he had actually come over - but apparently the idea of being mowed down by a semi was not palatable and got back over in his lane. Not that I want to mow people down, this individual was putting his life in his own hands. This was, probably anyway, a person wanting me to hit him in a rear end accident and then collect insurance money. I got well past this driver - but then that person got into the third lane, sped WAY up and then did the cut-off yet again. I was prepared for it this time and also was at my exit ramp. I simply got off the freeway. I figured if this person wanted to continue this BS, I would pull over to the side of the road and call the police. The lunacy of people playing with semi trucks in traffic, especially at high speeds. A crash between the 2 vehicles could easily result in that person's death or serious injuries. To risk your life for money is - absurd at best.
  Lol, why type it twice when it can be copied and pasted once.

That wasn't actually, the only thing that happened in traffic today with stupid drivers doing stupid things, but it was, by far, the most notable thing.

This morning was also - interesting. Pipe that was supposed to be picked up Friday - which I couldn't because I couldn't get to the manufacturer before they closed - was therefore picked up this morning.  I called the inside salesman that is on the account to ask him about the ticket.  He started going ballistic on me because I hadn't delivered the first load yet. I was not in the mood.  I can't say my response to him was Christian-like, not even remotely such.  I won't go into the details, but there were no pleasantries and I eventually hung up on him.

Then, I got to the jobsite to deliver the pipe.  It is some sort of city owned ranch for educational purposes about farming.  Whatever the case, I did not see a backhoe or trackhoe (excavator) and called the number on the delivery ticket to inquire where, exactly, they wanted the pipe to be dropped.

The man was a total jerkoff.  He stated that I was in the wrong place.  I was not in the wrong place.  He insisted I must be at the wrong place and when I attempted to confirm with him where he wanted the pipe dropped at this site - many places it could be taken off - he hung up on me.  The man's attitude was foul.  I called the inside salesman again who said he was sorry, he had "forgotten" to tell me that this guy was known to be an @$$ with everyone.  I could have cared less, I was not calling that guy back.  In fact, I didn't care if I never saw him, much less talked to him on the phone again.

I resolved that situation -without dragging on this story forever - and moved on.  It was on the way there that the above-mentioned story on the freeway occurred.

Interesting day, I guess.

I slept miserably last night, woke up probably a dozen times.  When I finally got home from work today, I decided to take short nap - 20 minutes or so.  I woke up an hour and 20 minutes later and had to force myself to get up, it was like it was the middle of the night I had fallen into such a deep sleep.  The only thing that woke me up was it was still daytime and I usually do not sleep very well in lighted conditions.

Ummm, well tomorrow is my birthday - will turn 49 - and my manager wants me to go out with him to a fancy pizza joint and get "ripped".  No thanks, but I'll have a couple of beers I guess.  I don't want to get ripped, number one and number 2, even if I did want to, I still have to drive home afterwards.

Enough.

ben

33 days without any form of meat.
I can say that I eat far less food when eating meat versus not.
There is nothing else that fills you up like meat and keeps you feeling full and mind off of food.
That is, of course, my opinion.  But I tried all of it, everything I found at the big veggie stores that cater to vegans.  Some of it tasted delicious, some of it not so good.  But whether it was delicious or not, it was, in the end, only veggies or tofu or some such thing and the full feeling doesn't last very long.

I'm sure it's great for your health - eating only veggies and such and probably good for lowering cholesterol levels.  But I can't honestly say I "feel" any better than when eating meat on a daily basis (as some would suggest will happen).  Though this is definitely not the point or purpose of fasting, it is still something I had wondered about for a long time.

As for the purpose of the fast, certainly there have been benefits of a personal nature of which I won't go into here, sorry.  There have also been a number of mind battles going on, in the Christian realm they are called attacks from the enemy (satan).  He doesn't want to let go of anyone.  If he has you in any form of bondage - and if you are not saved, it's pretty much 100% guaranteed you have some sort of chains holding you down and some sort of addiction or things you do, usually self-destructive - that are keeping you in "bondage" to the enemy's desire for your life: to end up in a lake of fire.  He doesn't care about any of us, he pretty much hates us, good thing God is FAR greater (being the Creator, that equation is easily true).

I'm still working through some things, to be honest, not easy things either.  You get into patterns, habits in life and some of them may not be so good for you either spiritually, physically or both at the same time.  I'm not talking about Jim Jones Kool Aid type of thing, not suicidal or anything remotely close to that, but we tend to look at things in life and think: "well that's not really so bad" in comparing it to everyone else or looking at the news and seeing all kinds of mayhem going on in this world.

Perhaps God sees your life differently and desires you to live a better life that is more spiritually fulfilled and that is a life that is pleasing to the Father in Heaven.  Perhaps there is a greater purpose for your life which you may have not even thought about, much less explored.  I have gone through all the thought processes - as much as I know anyway - in such realms and have come to the conclusion that there is nothing in this world that compares to simply loving the Lord with all of my heart and following hard after Him.

However, I can also honestly say that there are 3 T-Bone steaks sitting my refrigerator.  I was going to get New York Strip or even Porterhouse, but I opted for the "bargain" priced stuff instead (50% off at Fry's).  And besides, any steak will taste like a Porterhouse at this point!

So, the "prophecies" of the doom and gloomers are starting to come to light.  Not that I wanted to see any of it happen, but, the fact of the matter is, inflation is here and not going away.  Food prices continue to rise and  so does the cost of just about everything else.  A few are "prescribing" that food prices will literally soar in the next 3 months.

I read such things and wonder if they are going to occur.  I then think that if they do, there is nothing much I can do about it and therefore, why bother worrying.  I can store up some food in the pantry and try to save up a bit of extra cash if things get really tight, but in the end, I only have God and Him alone to trust and obey.

I have lived in poverty in the past and can honestly say that I don't think ill of the time I spent in such condition.  It does, actually, cause' you to be more thankful for the little things you do have and if you acquire something that had been out of reach for a long time, even moreso appreciative of having had the opportunity to acquire such.  Such as the time my water heater went out and I went without hot water in the house for 6 months.  I was so poor that I couldn't afford to buy a new OR used one.  Or going through very hot summers with only evaporative cooling to keep the house cool.  In 115 degree heat outside, the house would get up to somewhere in the low to mid 90's inside.  I would sit there with only shorts on and a fan blowing at me, drinking a lot of ice water. But, I didn't sit there feeling sorry for myself, it was what it was.

I have considered the ways of the rich and have come to the conclusion that regardless of what income level you are at, you can either be happy, or very often, be extremely miserable.  Considering the ways of the rich as referred to in numerous places in the Bible, being rich is not, actually, a desirable thing considering the traps and snare that rich men and women can and often times do fall into.  I could go live in a small travel trailer, such as I have done in the past, and be as happy as living in this 2,000 square foot house.  If I have a comfy bed and my dogs can fit in there, who cares.

Do I put such a great value on my dogs?  To some degree, yes.  They don't care what I look like, how I smell or how rich or poor I am.  They are content to be fed once a day and show me great affection regardless of what is going on in my life.  They feel when I am stressed and they always come to my side when I am under some kind of duress.  I don't know how they know that, but they do.  They don't argue with me or tell me that I "should" be doing this or that.  They're usually only unhappy when I am unhappy but try to cheer me up in whatever way they can.

They do not, of course, take the place of human interaction or a relationship with the Lord, not even trying to say that at all.

Regardless, though I don't really want to be poor, I will be happy with whatever situation I am in.  I have tenants galore living here - sometimes that causes problems and sometimes I dream of having my place to myself - but usually we all get along and the little things that happen are usually quickly forgotten.  I am not poor now, at least I certainly don't consider myself in such condition.  I only need look to our friends to the south of the border to confirm that.  Or even throughout our own nation.  Or my friend in the Philippines who told me a few days ago that many of the people in the area he lives in can only afford to eat once per day.  Which is why, he states, Philippine women like to find American men and marry them.  He states their living conditions almost always increase exponentially and worrying about eating 3 times a day or even getting 2 meals per day is no longer an issue.

Do you have to worry about what you are going to eat every day?  I only think of WHAT I am going to eat, not IF I am going to be able to afford to.  How many nations on this earth are full of people in the same such condition: malnourished, starving and whose only thought in the morning is where to get fresh drinking water and what they are going to be able to put on the table to eat for that day.

Yes, you have heard that all of your life and though it moves you a bit, it doesn't cause you to take any action (such as sending money to a missionary overseas to help him or her in their endeavors to feed the hungry, clothe the naked and in many cases teach the people how to farm and feed themselves).  If you would really like to get a heart for people in such condition, which is probably a good percentage of this world, you need only take a trip to such a place and visit them first-hand.  There are plenty of missionary organizations out there that will allow you to take a week or 2 or however long you wish to stay and see and experience first-hand what it is like.  Your life will be changed forever.  If it is not, then I suggest you really need to seek the Lord about the state of your heart and your potential dwelling place in eternity, as I would also suggest that it may not include any portion of heaven involved.

If you wonder, readers that have been reading me for years and there are at least a a few here, why I give out food to hungry people locally even when I'm not doing that great financially myself, you need only reference the above statements to get where I am coming from.  I doubt that, when I stand before the Lord, that He is going to fault me for having helped the poor and needy.  In fact, Christ commanded us to feed the hungry.  I undoubtedly will have to answer for a lot of other things, but then there is the shed blood of Christ, thankfully, that atones for my sin.  Not that that gives me a carte blanche pass to go out and sin and do whatever I please, quite to the contrary, I am thankful for my name having been written in the Lamb's Book of Life (you can Google that and find that in scripture if you please) or I can simply give you the scripture to look it up: The Book of Revelations, Chapter 21, Verse 27.  No, I am seeking to live a life that pleases my Father in Heaven, not causes him to look at me through the eyes of wrath.

Whatever the case, I have a bonus coming in my next paycheck and a portion of that is going to buy a case of Bible for my friend in the Philippines so that he can hand them out to those that he knows will read them.  Earthly food is good for the here and now, the Heavenly food - the Word of God - is good for all of eternity. A person needs both.

I am also tired of my own lack of faith.  Am I walking in the power and authority that is to be had for the believer?  No.  I have never raised the dead or done other such things as the Bible clearly states is for the believer to walk in - for the Glory of God and the expansion of His eternal Kingdom (and no other reason, such as puffing up man or attempting to show what "you" can do).  I have cast out a few demons in the past and I have prayed with people that had been sick for a long, long time and seen them healed the same day.  Glory to God alone.  But what this world and certainly this nation needs is to see the reality of God.  Tumors and cancers to be eradicated immediately from a person's body; dead people being brought to life that are laying in coffins at viewings - people whose bodies are ravaged by whatever and filled with embalming fluid being brought back to life.  These things are possible. I firmly believe that.  God is the Creator and the Creator who made all of these bodies is easily able to "fix" them.  It's "me" that's the problem.  This is what I am seeking after: that the world may "see" God through the miracles such as what Jesus did when he was walking this earth and healing the sick everywhere he went.

But it's a battle. The flesh doesn't like it and the enemy most certainly doesn't like it, either.  Anything that brings Glory to the Most High God the enemy would like to bring down and stop before it starts.  But I will not dwell on the enemy too long, he is a liar and he has been cast out of Heaven and his fate is sealed.  I have a lack of faith, that's what I am saying and I want that faith to be increased and that is one thing that I have been praying for during this fast.  I realized that before that is going to happen, certain things in my life have to be dealt with and the dealing has long since begun.

With that I must be about the morning's business. Namely, taking a shower and getting ready for church.

Happy Sunday.

ben

Finally got some more information about the co-worker that was killed.  He was driving up a hill on the highway, came to the top to be greeted by a crash that had occurred right there on the other side of the hill.
Road conditions were bad with ice and snow.  A witness said he was swerving back and forth (lost control) attempting to avoid the crash, the pickup he was driving rolled several times and finally crashed into the semi truck that was already in the other crash that had already occurred.

The coroner apparently stated that he had 2 very deep gashes in his head - ie: brain injuries and a large number of broken bones.  I did not hear whether he had survived and taken to a hospital or had been killed on impact, but from the sound of the injuries I would veer towards either instant death or fast death shortly after the crash occurred.

As word spreads around that someone was killed in our company, so are the reactions.  Today, walking into a vendor to get some materials, the desk-dude was shocked to see me standing there.  "I thought you were dead".  A not-so-comforting thought.  No, not me.  The dude that smokes, that's the one that is dead.  He's the only one that smokes that goes around picking things up, so easiest way to identify who it was that passed on to the next life.

3 days left to go one the meatless fast.  Although I am definitely ready for a thick, juicy steak, the fast has been good and productive.  Got some interesting words from the Lord at the prayer meeting a few nights ago and am going to go again to the final prayer meeting concerning this fast tomorrow night (Lord willing, of course).  I think I might have a beer with that steak!

I was contemplating going up north tomorrow but with Duke's situation, I think I am going to give it a pass until next weekend.  And anyway, the prayer meeting tomorrow night and the end of the fast on Sunday, this weekend really wouldn't be a good one to take off up there anyway.  I tend to try and go up on a Friday afternoon so I can have 2 full nights up there and come back Sunday morning.  But in this case, I haven't been up there in a while, so if I go next weekend instead of this, I can just sleep in on Sunday and come back by early afternoon and skip church for one weekend.  Not the end of the world to miss one Sunday at church.

I was speaking with my mom today and she is all kinds of concerned about the door to her shed up there.  Apparently my older brother was up there a bit ago and told her the door won't shut properly and can't be locked.  She wants me to fix it while I'm up there.  Well, maybe.  They have the high temp for 2 Saturdays from now forecast at 56 degrees with the low at 24.  My first thought in cold weather like that is not to be fixing things in freezing cold weather.  We'll see.  My first thought is to take some cocoa up and already have coffee and tea up there and spend some quality time in the Word up in the mountains.  Of course I have Direct TV up there and internet access as well, so, not like cut off from the world (though in reality, I don't wonder if it wouldn't be a good idea to go ahead and take a break from internet/facebook/all of this stuff and just meditate on the Word and on the Lord).

Caleb wants to take my car up to Heber - which is further on up the road from my mother's property, about another 50 miles I think - and go to the Salvation Army camp again with a friend in February.  I am undecided about that one.  He is a good enough driver - he hasn't been in any accidents since he started driving and no tickets - but driving on open highway and up on the Rim where there my be the potential for ice on the road is a completely different story.  Not to mention that car is my ride to and from work every day.  I will probably let him take it, but I told him I would be praying about it first before making any decision.  Any "check" in my spirit about it and I will be inclined to say no.  He started talking about taking that old Buick up there and I simply said no.  I don't trust that car to do anything more than get him around town.  If it breaks down in town, not terribly difficult to get it towed home or to a garage.  Out  on the open highway, totally different story.  Rent a truck and a car trailer to get it back.  I actually have no idea whether that thing would be good for a drive up there or not, I just simply don't think it's a good idea.  I still have this thing about my co-worker being killed on an icy road on Tuesday running through my head, probably that is weighing on me more right now than anything.

I hit Walmart on the way home from work today to get some dog food.  I figured to get some 12 gauge target rounds - I figured wrong.  Not a single box of ANY kind of 12 gauge ammo in the entire case.  ONE box of .40 caliber in there - expensive stuff at $45 per box, no thanks.  I had been in that store about a month ago looking and it was low on ammo then, but this was even worse.  I read today that some group wants to sue the government for allowing lead in bullets - their reasoning they did away with lead in everything else.  Ummm, how much of the supply of ammo out there doesn't have some amount of lead in it? Yeah.

I'm not going to go into politics here, at least not today.  Too much going on, much of it bluster and hot air, the same old stuff not even packaged differently.  Dems blaming GOP, GOP blaming Dems.  Same-o, same-o.  The only thing I have seen of interest is the rise in the stock market - which has been great for my 401k!  Umm, but let's not get too excited, my 401k does not have that much money in it.

Enough.  Tomorrow is Friday, the entire day at work from the time I clock in until the time I clock out will be overtime.  I was informed today that management "bitches" about it regardless of whether it is justified or not.   Our 2-man crew has delivered/sold over 500k in sales this month at about 15% gross profit. I guess profit could stand to be a bit higher, but no other store in our region has higher GP so no biggies.  Meaning, to me, that the OT is justified.  All other branches have a lot more people working at it and most of them do not do anything close to the amount of sales we are dealing with each month.  They are, in effect, saving money in not having to pay another full time person and  the subsequent benefits they would incur with another person.   I think the not having to pay substantial amounts of benefits to another person is quite the savings in itself - but - we had asked for another person to be hired either for our shop only or to be split up time-wise between our branch and the main branch.  Nope, not happening.  So, I have no sympathy.  I need the money anyway, definitely not complaining about my paychecks : )

G'nite.

ben

Still no word on what exactly happened in the crash with the coworker.  I was downtown earlier at the main branch - new pics posted on the break room wall of the party a while back, he was in 2 of them. A bit eerie, him standing there with his wife.  One of those things that will take a while to get used to.  His signature on the last set of transfers that he had signed off on coming over to our place; the pics on the wall; the missing pickup with the company name/logo on it; not seeing him downtown - he would always help load the truck if he was around.

Duke is much better.  Yesterday morning he could barely get up to go outside, but when I got home from work he was as close to good ole' Duke as it was going to get for only having had one day pass since the attack.

Not much else going on, I was going to go up north this weekend but Duke's injuries sort of have me playing the guessing game as to whether I actually should embark on such a course of action or just wait until another weekend comes along - though I would really like to get up there and spend a weekend in the snow and mountains.

I am going to visit the people's house with the pitbulls and discuss with them about repaying my hospital expenses.  One would hope they would see that they are liable and responsible and simply pay it back, whether all at once or in payments, I don't care, but I am definitely not the one that had 3 pitbulls running loose in a residential neighborhood.  I hear too many people telling me how pitbulls are great dogs if "raised properly".  Yes, well I haven't seen too many of them raised properly, in fact none so far.  From everything I've seen in the news and now up close and personal, they are vicious dogs that can kill both humans and animals.

Enough. I am sitting out a jobsite waiting to get some machines unloaded.  They aren't in any hurry.  I have been on overtime for this pay period since 9:30 this morning.  Meaning the rest of today and all of tomorrow are basically OT.  Couple that with 2 weeks pay for the Safe Driver Award on  my next paycheck and that check should be substantial.

G'day.

ben

Coworker Dead/ Duke Attacked By Pitbulls

The title of this entry is the kind of  day that has happened.

This morning, early AM, a co-worker was on I-40 eastbound heading to New Mexico on company business - usually they send him out to fix fire hydrants or to do pipe welding projects - when he hit an ice patch.  There are no more details at the moment about what exactly happened as far as what he ran into, but he died at the scene of the accident.

I knew this guy well, we talked frequently about nothing in particular whenever I saw him at the main branch, which was frequently enough.  He's one of those guys that  everyone loves.  Dedicated, loyal company-man.  Hard worker.  Loving father, grandpa and husband.  52 years old, in excellent health, a man that left for work in the morning but will never return home.  The "glue" that held his extended family together, he was basically raising his daughter's kids.

Everyone at work in shock and disbelief.  The reality of it not really setting in - yet.

I begin praying for the family.  I have experienced enough grief in my lifetime in lost loved ones to know what they are going through.  Yet, the element of an untimely death, unexpected, surreal, just unbelievable.  But that's the same thing that happened to my best friend some 3 years ago now - heart attack out of the blue that took his life right there at his house.

I get home and definitely commit to the idea of going to the church prayer meeting tonight.  I was going to leave early, just wanted to sit in a quiet place and seek the Lord.  The neighborhood kid had taken Sophie out for a walk and then came back for Duke - I don't allow Prince on walks anymore, his bum leg is only going to get worse with extended walks.

I'm waiting for the kid to get back with Duke so I can leave for church.  He comes knocking on the glass sliding door to the kitchen. I'm looking at him wondering why he just didn't come to the other door?  I open it up and ask him where Duke is?  Well Duke was attacked by 3 Pitbulls, was his response.  Now I'm freaking out, well where IS he?  He's over there where I left him.  What are you talking about, why did you leave him over there?

Turns out the people that saved Duke's life were holding him, the police had been called and the police had brought the kid to my house to get me to come back to get Duke.  This day getting more surreal by the hour.  I follow the police car to where Duke is, jump out of my car and run over to him.  He is a bloody mess. He had been bitten all over his body, and when I say all over, I mean his neck, all 4 legs, his left ear had been bitten so many times you couldn't tell how many bite wounds.  His back, chest, everywhere.

I'm just dumbfounded at this point.  The men that saved Duke - they beat those Pitbulls off of him, Duke had NO idea what to do with 3 vicious dogs attacking him out of the blue so they said he just laid down on the street.  I have no doubt in my mind those dogs would have killed him if there hadn't been human intervention.  I had to wait until they were done with my information, the owner's of the Pitbulls information and waiting for Animal Control to show up.  Duke is standing there shaking blood out of his head every few seconds, in obvious pain.  Well I patiently waited and Animal Control finally showed up.  The guy comes over and tells me the animal hospital on Hardy drive is still open and is the closest place. Good, cause' I've taken my dogs there before, they will have my information on file.  I thank the officers for their help in the matter, shake the men's hands and thank them for saving Duke's life and then take off to the hospital.

I could have dealt with a couple of bite wounds myself, but this was too much, especially his ear.  They take Duke into the back and then take me to a waiting room, where the vet comes in and hands me a prepared paper with the "news" on it: $520 to knock him out, deal with all the wounds, put staples in him, give him a shot of antibiotics, give me the antibiotic pills and the pain killer.  I have antibiotics at home, but I just decided to go ahead and just do the whole thing there.  They sent me packing - told me they would call me when they were done.

Well, I left and headed straight to church.  Going home made no sense to me, going to church and seeking the Lord did.  I was there 5 minutes before it all hit me.  Waves of grief came over me for the man that died and his family.  I felt the heart of the Lord going out to them.  I prayed and prayed for that family and shed no small amount of tears.  I thought of all the times we laughed together about different things at work and the last time he had been over at our branch, spending the day helping us get ready for the inventory - he was there last week.  I had just talked to him yesterday.  I thought about Duke - but I knew he was going to be okay albeit probably a bit messed up in the head after that kind of attack.

Well, I asked everyone at church to pray for the family of the man that died today, in a vehicle, alone, on a cold stretch of highway on Interstate 40, out in the middle of nowhere.

I had talked to a salesman at work on the phone earlier, he was all messed up about it.  He continued to exhort me over and over to be safe out there on the roads in the semi.  It was amazing that he actually sounded like he cared for me, a person I hardly ever talk to. It's the reality of death, especially a sudden , unexpected death.  It hits home, you start thinking about your own life. When is it going to end?  How is it going to end?  My manager and the lady that works in a different department in our company but uses one of our office spaces were totally out of it.  I could tell my manager wasn't really being able to deal with it all that well.

Well, the prayer service was at the end and the pastor called everyone up to pray together, but I had to leave.  It was almost 8:30 and that's when the hospital closes - they called me during the service telling me to be there no later than 8:30.  I didn't want to leave Duke there overnight, so I rushed back.  He was still out of it from being sedated, not even close to being fully awake, in fact they said he probably couldn't even see yet.  He had to be carried to the car.  I had to lift him into the car and then lift him back out.  He couldn't walk so he laid down right next to the car on the driveway.  Well that isn't going to work, I needed to get him inside on his bed.  I coaxed him up and he was wobbling all over the place.  Took about 5 minutes to actually get him into the house and onto his bed.  I left the bedroom to go turn things off and h started crying.  At least for right now, he won't let me out of his sight.

It's way past my bedtime.  I'm attempting to wind down, I figured writing out this entry would help and so it is.  Finally getting sleepy, Duke has settled down though shaking, but I think (hope) he'll go to sleep after I shut off the light.

It's been quite the day.

ben

Final week of fasting.  Yesterday was certainly a test.  Lots of meat being served in my kitchen by various tenants who were attempting to entice me to "fudge".  No thanks, I made it this far, only 7 days left to go, I'm gonna make it through this.

But the giant meatloaf sitting there on my kitchen counter was not just a little bit tempting.

For the final part of the fast, I'll be spending some serious time in prayer attempting to hear/see what direction God wants my life to go.  I'm not really sure, to be honest.  At least many times, things you pray about and seeking answers for have various little confirmations sent your way if/when you finally believe you have heard the still, small voice of the Lord and want to start acting upon it.

I say "usually" because any time you try to cage God into a the box of "He always does it this way", well, then it most certainly will not happen that way.  He's God, after all and we're mere mortals.  His thoughts are far above ours.  He says the whole picture, we only "see through a glass, dimly", as the scripture so succinctly puts it.  No-one can see the entire picture, certainly no-one on this earth, besides God Himself.

So, a certain amount of trust and a lot of faith is necessary to simply, blindly, follow after God not necessarily knowing where the next step is going to lead you.  But that's the beauty of following after Christ. You don't know, He does!  He isn't going to lead you into death traps and situations that are mortally challenging - unless of course that is your eventual ending in life for His glory.  How can your death lead to Him receiving glory?, you ask.  This isn't really that hard of a question - there are many things that can happen through a person's death with others seeing it and God using it as an opportunity for more souls to be brought into His kingdom.

Not that I am seeking to die, lol.  Not at all.  At the same time, I just got through reading the news and you see all kinds of people in the news that have died sudden deaths, such as the hundreds of people that died in that far in that bar.  I can't even imagine the horror of that scene.  Well I can imagine it to some degree, I can't imagine burning to death in a fire - while being able to see an exit in front of you and not being able to access it.

If you are going to die, which we all must, then might as well see that eventual ending be used for the glory of God, is all I am saying.  But that's an entire story and entry in itself and I have to leave for work in a few minutes, so put that one on the shelf.

Speaking of work, it has rained for 3 days now.  Saturday it rained all day long without stopping.  This probably means that most if not all contractors will be shut down since most job sites will be too muddy to do much of anything on.

Which means work today?  Probably going to be the longest 8 hours I have spent at work in any recent times, considering there won't be much to do.

G'day.

ben

The Giant Spool

It's still raining!  I mean, the ground is getting saturated and it's just wonderful outside!  My fishies in both ponds are all over it!

Unfortunately, I frequently run into construction workers and their bosses who have not much of a clue on how to load or unload trucks. Such was the case the other day in loading a giant spool.  A piece of pipe with a flange attached to the end or both ends.  In this case, 36 inch diameter pipe, one flange, cement lined, asphaltic coated steel type of pipe.  Around 4,000 pounds - conservative guess.  I can look it up on our system, but you get the point: very heavy.

So, he puts the spool down on the boards on the trailer, but what I couldn't see and didn't know was that he had the forks tilted forward.  Ideally, with an object that large that also rolls, you attempt to get your forks level and set it down gently.  If it begins rolling, then you simply tilt the forks in the opposite direction.

Well, the spool begins rolling - right at me.  I grabbed a hold of it in an attempt to stop the thing from rolling right off the side of the truck, which would have destroyed it (we're talking between 10 and 15 grand for this thing). I was pushing with all my might, my right hand was getting gouged by the sharp corner on the flange on the spool (didn't realize it at the time, adrenaline pumping type of thing) and I was preparing myself to jump out of the way of the thing.

But, I managed to get the momentum of the thing stopped and got the spool to stop rolling.  It was then that I realized he had the forks tilted forward and STILL had them tilted forward.  It took all that is within me to not start cussing the man out and give him an education on forklift operation at the same time.  Instead, I didn't say anything, he let the thing down off the forks and then there was no pressure.

Only then did I also realize that my right thumb had a deep gouge in it, bleeding and it appeared the meat inside the thumb had been smashed to the side of where the metal was pushing against it.

Although I was in no danger - well I was and wasn't - I was quite ready to jump off the side of that truck and out of harm's way - I don't think I will ever do anything like that again.  They can have THEIR people up on the truck and attempt to stop a giant, rolling object that is gaining momentum and hard to stop and see how they like it.  If it were me operating that forklift,  the situation would not have evolved into what it did.

As for today, I rented via pay-per-view on Direct TV the movie Taken 2 with Liam Neesom.  I read the "critic's" reviews.  The ones I read gave it such a low rating that I pretty much figured I would like the movie since I loved the first one and I wasn't wrong about that.  Yes, there are some very unrealistic scenes in the movie, I'll give the critics that much.  But what action movie doesn't?  Take those with a grain of salt.  Lots of interruptions, though, with people traipsing in and out of the kitchen - making a lot of noise and so, I am going to watch it again.  I have much of nothing to do today, one more weekend I have decided to take to try and get completely beyond this illness that had beset me.

And - after taking a long break from writing this entry, yet it is still raining outside.  Absolutely gorgeous weather.  I had windows and doors opened, but closed them because it was getting quite cool in here.

As for the fast, still on it.  Meatless Daniel fast.  I'm figuring that by the time sundown of 2 Sundays from now gets here, I will be ready for a fat, juicy steak and all the trimmings.  Or a delicious, thick burger.  In the meantime, praying and seeking the Lord.  The prayer meeting last night was very good.

Enough.

A few sniffles left, a clearing of the throat here and there, an occasional coughing bout in the middle of the night, that's what's left of this coughing cold.  I now hear there is a stomach virus going around and please, Lord, keep me away from that one! I have had TWO already, I don't WANT a third!

It's raining.  A nice little sprinkling.  Okay, I prefer a heavy, hard raining/drizzling, but around these parts, I'll take what we get and be happy and content with it.  The rain forecast came out of the blue, since the forecasters hadn't said anything about rain until the night before it started. Lol, the life of a weather forecaster.  I think they have a bulls eye target and they throw arrows at the target.  Whatever word for weather it lands on, that's what the forecast is.

I found out yesterday that I am getting the Safe Driver Award.  That's 2 weeks worth of pay for - free.  I'll take it.  It will be nice to have a buffer once again for any problems that come up.

Prayer meeting tonight.  I came home from work incredibly tired.  I had no choice, literally, but to go to the bedroom and take a long nap.  I would have fallen asleep out here, at my desktop in the kitchen, had I not.  I was that tired.  Just not sleeping well since I got sick.  Well, I haven't really been sleeping well for 8 years, but that's another story.  It's been even worse since these 2 viruses I contracted, one ending and then another starting a week later.  Hopefully my sleep will return to me soon.  Regardless, I can sleep in tomorrow if need be.

Oh, the prayer meeting - well I'm definitely going.  I need  it.

My 4 version Bible came today.  I looked on Ebay to track it, it said it was going out for delivery today.  Yes, and it's RAINING out there. I ran outside to find the package had been chucked under a bush in the front yard.  Geeze.  Well I got it in time, the box was drenched but the bible was wrapped in plastic and the inside of the box was still dry enough that, coupled with the plastic, the Bible was intact without any water damage.  It has 4 version of the Bible on each page, side by side.  It is in fine print, the only real bad part about it - meaning having to use reading glasses to read it.  It is almost 3 inches thick!  So home use only, but I expected that anyway, I need to get another one to carry with me.

Well, time to take a read in the new Bible and then head off to church.

G'day.

ben

First off, the Daily Grind:
I am feeling MUCH better today! Yeeeehaww!  Yesterday I was a coughing machine, relentless, on-going all day long. Last night I put the humidifier on in my bedroom and after it drained out the entire water reservoir I filled it up again.  This morning?  Hardly coughing at all and starting to  feel better.

Work - is work.  It has it's interesting points, but that because I am not chained down to a desk all day long, I am outside working or in the truck driving.  It kind of reinforces the idea that an inside sales position and I?  Probably not a good mix.  Outside sales would be awesome, but - you have to go through the inside thing first to get that kind of promotion.

Now onto more important matters, namely, the Daniel fast that I am on.  It's been 10 days since I have had any meat and up to this point, it has hardly been a "chore" at all.  I don't dream of hamburgers and steaks all day long, those thoughts don't even occupy my mind at all. I get hungry, I just eat what I am allowed to eat on this fast and that's that.

But the real stuff is in the prayer and the denial of self.  There are other things that I am engaging in for this fast  that are also having a real effect.  I so much feel that I have simply squandered away my days since I got divorced, hiding in my cave, becoming almost hermit-like in recusing myself from ministry and simply leading a life that is not fit for the calling that God has upon my life.  Not that I am anything special, but I know there is so much more that I am supposed to be doing for the Lord.  I have no good excuses, just lame ones.

But even now, I remember a word I got after I got divorced and had this feeling that God wanted nothing to do with me in terms of ministry, a word that has been sitting on a dust-filled shelf in my memory banks that just suddenly came out today:  You are NOT disqualified from ministry!  The word disqualification had been churning over and over in my mind, but I spoke nothing of it to anyone.  A woman of God from an online ministry wrote to me one day on her internet site and proclaimed those and many more words from the Lord that I had been thinking over and over.  The word she gave me was so precise, accurate and directly aimed at what I was then-experiencing, there is no way I could adjudge that as anything else but from the mouth of the Lord Himself.

Yet, I wandered off that path and basically did nothing.  Work, that was it.  I did look for a church a few times and started attending one but ended up leaving and then attending another one - which I also left.  The pastor was a nice man and all, but I couldn't help but think this guy really was well out of his calling.  Only when Caleb came alive in the Lord did I come to grips with reality and come to terms that my life had drifted far away from what I was and am supposed to be doing in and for the Lord.

I couldn't possibly sit here and tell you what, or perhaps more to the point: where I should be at right now in terms of ministry, but I can say that the starting point, at least for me and for now, will be through the church I am going to.  They have been very patient with me as I have worked to deal with the issues that life offers - which usually are not all that pleasant thank you - but I am finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.  Ask me about that light last year and I would have told you I still only see darkness, no where near the end.

Okay, backtracking a bit: I did do some things that I have always felt the Lord wants me to do during these years after the divorce.  I have given large quantities of food to hungry families.  I have helped people keep their lights on - easy to do if a person has a M-Power card, you don't give them the money you simply put it on their card.  Jesus simply said to feed the hungry, that's something, at least, that I have kept doing throughout this time.

Well, anyway, this fast is having a serious effect that I did not expect in renewing my desire to get back into some form of ministry - whether in the church or not - and also simply digging into the Word and trying to keep my mind stayed on the Lord all day long. Can't say that is happening 24 hours a day,  but certainly I'm feeling better about myself in this regard.

On a slightly different topic, I won an Ebay auction a few days ago for a Bible that has 4 different versions of the Bible side-by-side.  A great study Bible, you can read the same scripture in 4 different versions and get a much fuller perspective of what is actually being said - and imparted.  I don't actually HAVE the Bible yet, paid for it but don't expect to receive it for another week or so.  I am far more confident using Ebay these days because of their "Buyer Protection" plan.  If you don't receive an item you paid for, you WILL get your money back as long as the auction says that the purchase is covered by that plan.  Or if the item received is not what was listed in the auction (which happened to me last year when I bought a pond filter and it turned out to be something completely different and worth far less in value than what was advertised: I eventually got my money refunded to me). Ebay didn't use to have that protection and it was a gamble every time you bought something.

Well, that's it for now.  It's time to go to bed.  Worked an 11-1/2 hour day today and I am bushed.

G'nite.

ben

A trip to the doctor yesterday resulted in not much of anything.  They claimed it is still viral and not bronchitis.  Offered me cough medicine with codeine.  All nice and fine, but I can't take that stuff during the week.  Even with a prescription, it simply isn't a risk I'm willing to take at work having had taken it the night before.  Certainly, I couldn't use it while working.  And anyways, I am running a humidifier at night which fairly well reduces and for periods of time eliminates the otherwise constant coughing.

So, grin and bear it.  As it stands, there is a prayer meeting tonight - which I won't be attending since it started 5 minutes ago and I am heading to my bedroom in a few minutes to crank up the humidifier and get my lungs feeling "good" again.

The doctor informed me to come back in 3 days if I am not getting better by then.  Hardly.  I'll wait up to a week - at least - before going back.  I have too much of a lifelong history of bronchitis, a condition I would like to completely avoid at this point in time, but if it happens, I will be asking the doc for a steroid injection.

More?  Sure, but I don't have time for it now.  I'm heading off to the bedroom.

ben

I don't know what came at me - a resurgence of the flu or just a head cold, but whatever it is, it's pretty much unbearable. It's easy enough,  I guess, to lay in bed and do nothing.  But, to go to work and be productive, a different story altogether.  Friday, I left work at around 12:30 pm - 6-1/2 hours of work and all I could handle.  My manager was home with his daughter, who has strep throat.  The operations manager simply told me to leave, it was obvious to anyone that I wasn't feeling well and that I wasn't really doing that well, even though I was working.

I have no idea about tomorrow.  I forced myself out of bed this morning, at 8:00 am which is wayyyyyyy later rise-time for me than normal, took a shower and got ready for church.  I wanted to go in for prayer if nothing else.  I ended up staying for the entire service and getting prayer at the end.

Well whatever.  I believe in prayer, the ability of believers to pray for each other for people to get well and that I stand on.  I am feeling better, but certainly not anything near 100%.

This is day 7 over the 21 day Daniel fast and surprisingly to me, I have not missed meat at all.  I did not know the selection of meatless foods that are available.

It's very nice outside - much different than the temps last week - the temp is 72 degrees outside but standing in the sun it's much warmer.  Pond temps have risen a good 12 degrees since last week, an encouraging sign as I don't necessarily think 40 plus degree temps in the water are all that good for them.  The dogs - will spending quality time back outdoors now that morning temps are back up in the bearable range.

Done.  Intend on going to bed very much early today.

Friday.
I have a full blown head cold with chest congestion.
Yuck.
Worse is my manager is out again today, so operations manager is in taking his place.  Not that that's bad, but I want to get out of there as early as possible.  We'll see.  I foresee another weekend at home, laying around, attempting to recover as I was a few weeks ago with that flu junk that is going around.

ben