I was asked yesterday if I was going to go to the camp party up north, in Heber, right near where my son is at the SA camp.  No, I replied, I don't know anything about it.  In fact, no-one at our branch was invited.  As if we somehow intrinsically know everything that is being circulated at the main branch, where this idea came up.  If they don't tell us - phone call; PM; email; face-to-face - we don't know.

I'll come back to that.  Fast forward to this morning.  Woke up with a raging headache.  It happens when I don't get enough sleep for several days in a row.  I was awakened last night by a sneezing Great Dane. He was going at it and let me tell you, that much noise is going to wake just about anyone up.  I couldn't hold it against the dog, but I never really got back to sleep.  So, today at work, I had the headache; I was irritable and cranky and the situation with the new employee?  It doesn't get any better.  Now, he sits in the back of the warehouse, sitting on the forklift, rolling and smoking his cigarettes.

I caught him today.  I pulled into the yard with the semi, he apparently thought I was a freight truck coming in with goods to deliver as he didn't even look up.  I was up on that last warehouse bay before he looked up and saw that it was me.  I just looked away.  I can't stand it.  I can't stand people who want a paycheck but don't want to work for it.  I don't care if he's getting paid lower wages, I was there at one point in my life and I gave it my all.  Always have.  You earn your pay, you don't sit around on your @$$ with whatever is going on in your mind to somehow justify it.

And there is plenty to do around there.  The driveway is covered with rocks again.  I have swept them up or blown them out with a blower several times over.  I don't care about the "work" aspect of it or even if it's hot and humid out there.  Yes, we have humidity here, the monsoons come and so does the humidity, coupled with the high heat.  But whatever, I went inside and figured the manager knew all about it. He doesn't let much get past him.

He asked me what that guy was doing.  Ummmm, sitting on the forklift, rolling a cigarette and smoking it.  Yup, he states, he does that all the time now.  We had a discussion about his lack of desire to do anything.  When I came in this morning, I was met by the operations manager who was there to get his RV trailer.  He came out to the parking lot from the side entrance and asked me if I had just got there or had I been there earlier?  Ummm, no, I just got here, it's my regular start time.  Are you sure? Well, yes, of course I'm sure, why would I come here and then leave?

He then states the alarm hadn't been set.  Oh really?  Well, it's happened before.  It isn't the end of the world, just good that no-one happened to break in during that time.  He says, well that isn't the worst of it.  I had no clue.  We walk around to the side and to the back and he points at the first bay door, which is half way opened.  You see that?  ..........  It was like that when I got here! I immediately took defense of my manager, NO WAY he would EVER leave that door opened before going home.  I intoned that it must have been a salesman.  I ask him where he is going with the trailer.  Oh, just up to the mountains, not bothering  to tell me he's going to the camp thing where allegedly, everyone is invited, everyone but us at this store anyway.

Getting beyond that, and yes it was an inside salesman who had come earlier and left it open "because we were going to be there soon anyway", a contractor comes in and is there for a rather large amount of material.  I printed the order and started pulling it.  I had already been on the forklift attempting to load the truck for the day's deliveries when he had shown up.

So, this new guy comes in at his regular time.  I am inside just getting done with the paperwork, he comes in, signs in and goes outside.  I go outside to start pulling the order and hopefully have this guy help me.  He just stands there.  I am not his boss, I can't and won't bother to try to force him to do anything.  I have tolerance for such people and I would rather just willingly do all the work myself than have someone else helping that is doing it begrudgingly.  I'm working way when the manager shows up.  He goes inside and finds the new guy sitting on the computer, perusing the internet, reading the news.

Why is Ben out there pulling orders and loading the truck and you are in here doing nothing?  He had no reply.

The guy is going to be history.  That's just the way it's going to be.

Remember, I have a raging headache during all of this.  It isn't subsiding and I am attempting to put on a good face while feeling like s*** the entire time.  The next thing I know, this new guy is "going to town" after the manager shows up, of course.  I'm not the manager and my manager doesn't understand why I won't just tell the guy off. It's NOT my place to do that.  It's HIS place to deal with this stuff, that's how it works.  That's why you have management, to deal with everything including the negatives.  I CAN tell this guy what to do, but I would rather just do my thing and let this guy dig his own hole.  The hole is pretty much dug and soon, if he doesn't change his work attitude, his days at our company are numbered.

I get back from a rather elongated run and then start discussing with my manager about going up there. He's going with is girlfriend, asking me if I'm going.  I thought not at first, but that's because I don't really like half the people (at least) that are going.  There is only on God that I know of, and it doesn't include any of them though several of them certainly act like they are sitting on the Throne.

But tonight, I have had a change of heart.  The Lord.  Perhaps you should get over yourself, I think I hear being said or something to that matter, and just go up there and enjoy the beauty of my creation?

You can argue with God if you want, but realistically, you aren't going to win.  If you choose to ignore Him, then I guess, but other than that, you are done and toast, might as well just do it and go with a good attitude.
But I had no plans to go up north this weekend.  Mary's son can't go because of Mary's situation, though that has really been sort of resolved, it is too late to do anything about getting gates and going up there to install them.  So I had completely put that out of my mind and had just decided to stay home, go to church on Sunday, get some stuff done around here and that's it.  Besides the fact that all these other people going have had this idea - on their table - for a while now and have had time to prepare. So tomorrow morning, I will decide one way or the other whether I am going to drive all the way up there.

Meanwhile, I talked to Caleb via Facebook.  We talk on the phone sometimes, other times he writes me messages.  I caught him today after he had just sent me a message and we got into a conversation.  He was telling me the dates of his California trip - he will be gone from the 2cd until the 10th. So, apparently, the day he gets back from camp he is also leaving for California.

It also conflicts with mom's attempt to have a party with the family for him up at her property, of which I promptly notified her.  We'll try for the next weekend. Which is cool, I hope he can see his extended family before he leaves for Hawaii, but I had something pressing on my mind to ask him while I had him on the line.  Do you want to go on our annual boat trip?  If you have time and you want to, great, if you don't it's cool.  I don't want to pressure him, but at the same time, he loves going out on a boat on the ocean.  He was all over that.  No, he replies, I don't have anything going on during that week and I would love to go!

I have already asked for that entire week off.  I am going to get some quality time in with my son if at all possible before he is gone for an entire year.

I don't know, but it's starting to get late - my version of it anyway.  I am staying up a bit to get nice and sleep and hopefully get some shuteye tonight.  I won't drive up there tomorrow if I wake up feeling the way I did today.  I forced myself out of bed, into the shower and out of the bedroom this morning, a sheer act of will that defied everything that was raging within me to simply stay in bed and go back to sleep.

G'nite.

ben

I wrote this on my Facebook wall this morning - it came to me through the Spirit and I felt compelled to write it and so, I am going to post it here as well:

Forgiveness. It's something that mankind finds so hard to do. Holding grudges and unforgiveness in the heart is so much easier. You can dwell in it every day, let it stew within your spirit and let it rot at your very inner being. You can let it take over your entire life to the point that it is mostly all that you think about. You can become so embroiled in it that nothing else in life matters and people start to steer clear of you because it's written all over you. It is that obvious to others when it consumes you. Forgiveness, on the other hand, is freedom from prison. It releases you and that person or all of those people from the bars that bind you. To not forgive is to simply continue to hold you in a prison of your own making, an internal hell that never goes away.

 What was amazing about this, to me anyway, is that people were copying and pasting it to their own Facebook wall.  I'm not talking Facebook "share" function, though 2 people did that as well, it was going down Facebook wall among and seeing this thing had been copied and pasted so many times over.  I started wondering if this paragraph of words had spoken to them or if they were posting it in the hopes a friend of theirs might see it.  

I purposely left out Scripture in this particular instance.  The concept of forgiveness is obvious in Christianity, but I have so many FB "friends" that do not profess Christ as Savior and the thought came to me to leave that out.  So I did.  If someone else brings it up, so beit.  I freely admit that I almost never unfriend Facebook people because as far as I see it, many of them are an open mission field.  There are less than a handful of instances that I have unfriended people and that for very extreme circumstances.  

And to the opposite end of thing, I have been unfriended at least 8 times in the last 2 weeks, lol, for my "religious" or political posts.

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My dad is blowing off coming up here to see Caleb.
But there's a good reason for it.
One of my uncles/his brother is dying and is only expected to have a few more months to live.  Multiple Sclerosis.

Detroit has filed for bankruptcy. Sounds bad, but in reality?  Best thing that could have happened to that city as long as they can also dump all that debt to pension funds along with it.  Union leaders refused to negotiate with the state appointed manager that was sent to try to bail out the city, now those unions may end up getting screwed altogether.  Unions, don't get it. They never seem to care about the fact that their unrelenting stance can end up hurting them as well as everyone else.  That city is in a shambles, hope they can "fix" it.

Friday.  Long work week.  Just long.  Hot, I guess is the operative word here.  Middle of July, so about halfway through the worst of it.  About the end of August the temps start coming down, though September is still usually quite warm, not as hot as June, July and August.  Long ways off from that, though.

Anyway, time to get offa here and get to work!

G'day.

ben

Work. Irritating.  The new kid working there - he's 23 but in terms of work ethic or follow-through, he's a juvenile in every sense of the word.

Lazy, doesn't listen and sloppy.  Sits on the internet at work half the day and smoking the rest.  At least that's what it appears like when I'm there - more on the road than anything.  But my manager kept him outside all day long, putting this kid into a "big-time penalty box".  I just have little respect for someone that doesn't want to put forth any effort unless the manager has directly tell them to do something. There is plenty to do around there, it's  just stuff he doesn't want to do, such as sweeping the rocks up off the asphalt.

But this morning was enough. He had several different types of pipe stacked up in piles, all in a line.  Well a contractor showed up this morning needing 500 feet of some of the pipe in that line of pipe.  I couldn't get at it without either having to move a LOT of pipe or attempting to slide it out sideways.  I got it out sideways, but geeze.  After finishing that project - I get there before anyone else and if there are contractors at the door, I take care of them and get them whatever they need - I go to the semi to find the cheater bar has been dumped on top of one of the fuel tanks.  Scratches all over everything,  my manager would NEVER do anything like that: New kid.

I was starting to get extremely irritable about all of this and then come to find he was also supposed to have 3 huge fittings ready to go, which he didn't .  My irritation came out to him after that, but I withheld the worst of it: Please put that thing on a pallet and load it on the truck, said in curt, short way intended to let him know that his lack of desire to do much of anything around there was getting noticed by everyone in the place and outside the place as well.

I'm going to discuss with my manager to keep that kid OUT and AWAY from the semi. He can bash things against the semi trailer all he wants, either nothing or very little will happen to hit, but the tractor? Get the freak off the thing and stay AWAY from it.  I respect the equipment whether it's mine or not, I always have and I always will treat it like it's my own.

The list goes on of the things this guy does - that he has been instructed not to do - the manager I do believe is ready to start writing him up.

Well whatever.  My friend's condition is so bad now that her son is the only way she gets around, she can't drive half the time she can't even stand up and for all the visits to the doctor, she hasn't gotten any kind of diagnosis.  I invited her to come to my church on Sunday.  I believe she is under demonic attack and I also believe that all of that can be put down.  She committed to coming regardless of how she feels.

Invite to go up to the high country for a campout this weekend.  Invite denied.  Too much going on down here and anyway, if I were going to go, it would be with that family up to mom's property.  Not that I wouldn't mind going on a regular tent-style camping trip. but it's just not in the cards this weekend - or if it were, I would have to leave on Sunday morning, early, to get back to church in time.  I might consider it now that I think of it, I won't discount it, I just don't know if I want to go through all the prep work of doing a regular camping trip for only a overnight.  Better to do that on an extended weekend on holiday, I think. Oh, this was a work invite - like a lot of people going up from work to get away from the heat and - allegedly - enjoy each other's company, lol.

August Vegas trip cancelled. My tenant's girlfriend's condition has not improved and she is still going to be on extended leave through August. Which bothers me not, I am still attempting to come up with a plan for August with my son, but some dates are unknown and I can't really do anything until he gives them to me.

Ummm, late.  Got home from work - late.  I'm done for the day, time to get ready to go to bed.

ben

It's funny the places they put water reservoir tanks.  Like, frequently, out in the middle of the desert, in the middle of nowhere.  They inform me, usually, that there is water under the ground there and hence, they install a tank and pumps and filters and all of that and walaah, fresh, clean drinking water.  Well, that's the claim, anyway and that where I am at right now.  In the middle of the desert, lol.  They've got the water tank up but they have nothing else done yet.  Lot of valves, pipe and pumps to put in.

I was talking with my friend last night and she is adamant that I take her Suburban with the gates up north and another trip with her son.  We're slating that for 2 weekends from now.  No, I guess it's 3 since I am including the weekend that starts after work today.  2 weeks, anyway.  If I don't find any used gates by then, then I guess I will just have to see about getting them at Home Depot or Lowe's. Or now that I think of it, lots of places selling those chain link gates, start checking prices.


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Long interlude.  Manager was jonesing to get me off work early today.  But it was a non-happening-event (that's a benb original right there).  I was way out east at 2 job sites and then drove clear downtown to the main branch and spent 2 hours there loading the truck up and the off to 2 different vendors, one of which took FOREVER to get the fire hydrants I was there to pick up.  They have one dude there taking care of however many customers show up at once and there were 2 ahead of me.  Not really complaining, though, it's part of the business of getting things: wait, wait, wait.

But after all that time waiting a dust storm started showing up to the east! They are now calling that Habubs, whatever, they are dust storms, that's what they were in the 70's, 80's, 90's and into the 2000's.  Not until recently they apparently wanted to give them some "name".  Well whatever the case, this one was over 3,000 feet high and visible for many miles away.  I was like, dude, get that stuff and get it on the truck!! Hurry! Lol, I didn't want to be outside in that s***.

________________________________

Sorta skipped out on this entry, coming back to it a day and a half later.  Sunday morning. Church in less than 2 hours.  Was going to get a fence gate for the property off of Craigslist, but after I realized how far the drive was to get it and the savings maybe $15 over buying new, I canned that idea.  Might as well drive 2 miles to get them new - this seller was 35 to 40 miles away.  By the time you factor in fuel and the time it would take to get there and back, no savings at all, thanks for playing.

It's simple, really.  If I don't find them used before next weekend, I will be buying them new.  I would rather find them used at a much cheaper price, but so far there hasn't been any save the one in Litchfield.

Not much else going on - currently.  I'm attempting to get some dates from my son as to when he will and will not be here so I can take a week off work next month when he will be around and spend some time with him. Getting him to get dates is like pulling teeth, however, and I have been trying for a while now.  I'm gonna give up on it and just blow it off and save my vacation for some other time if he doesn't get me some dates soon, cause' I can't take a week off work without giving a good advanced notice.  Other drivers may opt to put in for the time I might need and hence another reason to find out soon.  But if he won't do it, he won't do it.  I wrote him another FB message earlier to ask him if he can please get that date.  Not to mention my mom is wanting to throw him a party up at the property up north, which he said he wants to go to, yet we have no idea whether he will even be in town on the date she is proposing.

Zimmerman is not guilty and of course those that wanted him found guilty are up in arms, crying foul and even going as far as to say that "America has betrayed us".  I'm surprised there hasn't been any rioting yet.  Sharpton - man with the mouth - calling on the Justice Department to do it's own investigation.  Sorry, Charlie, the jury is in, the verdict has been rendered and as far as I can remember, persons charged with murder and found not guilty cannot be tried again or as it is called: Double Jeopardy (great movie, btw).  Zimmerman is not off the hook entirely.  In reality, where in this nation will he ever feel safe?  His face pic has been plastered all over the news, unendingly, for quite a long time.  Unless you don't watch or read any news at all, you likely have seen his face.  People with revenge on their minds?  You know there are.  He'll have to live with that thought in his head the rest of his life and be looking over his shoulder.

I'm far more interested in the Asiana crash but little new material has been put out in the last several days about it.  But then again, the NTSB usually take a very long time to come to a factual and final conclusion about any air crash disaster.  But, to read the experts - one would conclude that this is a case of pilot error.  Plain and simple and unfortunately, 2 people had to die because of it and a multitude more injured, some seriously, plus a what, $100 million airplane destroyed.  I take that back, just looked it up, closer to the $300 million range!! Wow!!  I was reading a 26 year pilot yesterday online who was stating that airplanes really don't have a shelf life.  Older planes may have more maintenance to do, but for all intents and purposes, they can be kept in service almost indefinitely.

Too bad they don't do that with cars.  Of course, if such a car existed, I wonder what the price tag would be for it, lol.


Enough.

ben

Bank fiasco.  Chase bank sends me a text message yesterday - and how they did that I don't know because texting is shut off on the company phones - stating that I was a "victim of possible fraudulent activity" on my account.  Long story short? Someone is still trying to use the debit card number from my old card whose number was compromised and a person sent themselves 2 Western Union checks. Well the card was deactivated months ago. I called Chase who stated that there was nothing going on with that card.  They then call me 2 hours later and ask me if I tried to use that card.

Of course not, it doesn't work!!  They read off the names of 2 websites that a person tried to purchase stuff on, no, I reply, I did not do that and I don't have automatic withdrawals.  I don't DO automatic withdrawals for a plethora of reasons.

Getting stranger by the hour, my dad calls me another hour or two after that.  I don't get calls from my dad, we pretty much just communicate via email.  He states  that "Caleb" (my son) had called him earlier in the morning saying that he had been driving around in his car with his friends last night, that they had all gotten drunk and he was pulled over, arrested for DUI and possession of drugs and that he needed 2 grand to get out of jail.

I immediately informed my dad that it must be a hoax and you did not give them any money, did you?  No, he replied, he instead asked "Caleb" if he had called his dad first.  No, was the reply, he didn't want to make me mad.  Well, my dad replies, are you still up at the camp?  The person is not Caleb, they have no clue how to respond to the ensuing questions my dad gives, who is intimately aware of what is going in Caleb's life since I update him frequently about it.  The person eventually hung up on him and I asked my dad to please send me the phone number that the call was made from.  Though, likely a pay phone or throwaway cell phone type of thing that can't be traced back to the person.

Weird.  I then proceeded to inform the rest of my family in case this person tried it on them and also tried to call Caleb - just to be sure.  He didn't answer, but not unexpected, he doesn't have time during the day to make phone calls up there at that camp, the whole thing keeps him very busy.  I then called the camp's main number and asked a simple question: Is Caleb there?  A lady replies yes, Caleb works here.  No, I reply, that's not the question, is he there?  I went on to explain who I am and why I was calling.  OH, she replied, yes, we just saw him a little under an hour ago and that SAME thing happened to MY grandmother!

Okay, sigh of relief.  He's not in jail, Caleb doesn't do drugs or alcohol - as far as I know anyway - he's pretty much sold out to the Lord Jesus Christ and gives no place for such thing in his life.

Friday.  Payday.  Weekend looming.  Waiting for it to ever rain here in our alleged "Monsoon Season".  Which has done nothing but bring high humidity along with high temps to made it feel really  miserable outside.  Whatever the case, it's time to be off to work!

ben

Fed-Ex Driver - Please Find A New Career

I don't know if it's been the same driver that has thrown deliveries all over the place over the years.  I'm assuming it is not, but in case it is? That guy or lady needs to find something else to do to earn a living.

The latest fiasco were my speakers.  I bid one penny on a set of computer speakers on Ebay - that had no reserve on it - and I won.  $7 shipping.  I come home from work and notice out of the corner of my eye a piece of paper lying on the ground next to the wall.  I pick it up, it's a notice from Fed Ex saying that my package was delivered and hand written that it was left behind the east gate.

This delivery driver put this rather large box directly on top of my central AC condenser.  Let me paint the picture for you. The condenser is the big thing outside where the hot freon comes through to be cooled off.  It returns from a gaseous state back to a liquid state.  So is my understanding of such.  On my condenser, a fan motor is attached to the top of the condenser with a fan blade.  The fan pulls the air through the lines filled with freon that go round and round it and blows it out the top of the unit.

Yup, that box was blocking 95% of the air coming out of there.  Fex Ex is lucky that there was no damage, but I am going to call my AC company anyway and ask them about it.  Overheating the system will, at the very least, eventually shut it down.  I don't know how long that box had been sitting there.

I once found a 10k check that had been thrown over the wall on that side of the house as well.  There was NO notification to be found anywhere that that is what that person had done with it. It has been sitting there for at least a day.   I found a box with Christmas cards that I had ordered in it, laying in my front yard.  It was raining.  The cardboard box was soaked, the envelopes inside the box were ruined.

At this point, I am not a big fan of Fed Ex.  Even our company mostly relies on UPS - both the small package service and the freight service - over Fed Ex.  Once in a while we have a Fed Ex freight truck come in, mostly not.

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There will be no more mention of Fex Ex in this blog entry, so if you came here to find that, you need not read more as the rest of this is concerning other venues in my life.  You are welcomed to read, of course, but just warning you.

Gates.  The 2 gates I need for the property up north.  I think I can order them online through Home Depot and have them sent up there to there store in Payson.  Same thing as the T stakes, I don't want to haul them up there hanging out the back of my car.  It's about 22 miles from the Home Depot to my mom's property, I can deal with that much easier.  I am not sure I want to go up there again this weekend, though.  Once a month, maybe twice, is plenty for me going up there.

My son is doing okay at the youth camp, but he informed me via Facebook the other day that leadership is unhappy and down about the condition of the camp.  They bring in counselors from all over the place through Salvation Army churches that recommend them - but they never really know WHAT they are getting until the people show up unless they have been there before.  I spent a while on Facebook writing him back my version of Biblical reference and response to such situation and hoped it would help him. I also posted something on my wall asking for my Christian FB friends to pray for all of them up there. The next day, my ex-wife wrote me asking me to take it down.  Apparently, the FB is very strict about things and probably won't want everyone knowing that camp isn't going as well as they would like.  I kinda thought it paranoia on my ex-wife's part - she gets that way here and there - but as a precaution I took it down.  Probably too late anyway since my posts show up on my son's wall.

Oh well.  My intentions were completely pure: to PRAY for ALL of them. Some of my FB freinds are definitely prayer warriors and I know that regardless, they have already been praying about this situation.

So, anyway, August is coming quickly.  And August is going to be busy.  Ummm, but I think I'll save that for another post.

The extreme heat is taking it's toll on certain types of my plants.  Especially the Elephant Ear plants.  They have been slowly withering away from the edges of the massive leaves inward.  The only hope for them is that they do, indeed, continue to grow out fresh leaves, but summer is still on for quite a while, I don't know if they are going to survive it or not  Some of my honeysuckle is actually just burning, the leaves are turning brown from the intensity of both the direct sunlight and the heat.

We are in Monsoon season, though I have yet to see any of it, at least in the valley. Got a nice taste of rain up in the mountains last weekend, but we need the rain HERE as well.  Nuff said, but the humidity is up, that doesn't feel too good with high heat but the Elephant Ear plants like it.

I'm no pilot, no expert, but I do want to know how it is that a plane can be going too slow and the pilots apparently didn't recognize it?  The Asian Air jet that crashed on the tarmac.  I know they are saying they had the thing on auto-throttle, but isn't there an air speed indicator right in front of their faces? Is this not something that at least one of the pilots should be watching, especially while landing? That's a big price to pay to rely completely on technology and not really - do the job you are paid well to do.  Or at least, that is how it appears.  I am sure the NTSB will eventually come out with a ruling/statement on this disaster and that will hopefully not only uncover what happened, but also cause' yet another change in that industry, if needed, for the better.

Zimmerman? Shadow of a doubt? Plenty, as far as I can see.  I don't see how a jury can convict him with the evidence that has been presented - as viewed in the news anyway.

And then there's politics, of which I am not going to go into now.  Exacerbating.  Though there was a quip about the cost of Obamacare going to be much more than previously stated. Duhhhhh. I have been saying this since they were still debating it - whatever price they stated, quadruple it or even use 8 or 10 as a multiplier.  It's the government, we all know what happens when the government gets involved with something like this - or anything, really.

Switching back, I just sent my son an FB note about everything that's coming up and good thing he's young and full of energy, because he has a very full plate coming up, as if it isn't already full as it stands.  But I also threw in that I would love to take him to Cali again and do another boat trip.  I hate those small boats because for whatever reason, I start getting sea sick, a thing that never happened when I was younger.  I do hope that doesn't translate into flying as well!!  I didn't want to pressure him, but if he wants to go, I will be down for it - even if I start getting sick.  I think I will try to find a larger boat to go on if we do go and maybe the tossing about in the sea won't have such ill effect on me.

I think that's enough for one entry.  : )

ben

The Truth Of The Matter

So here's the whole story behind the "person" I took with me up to the property in the mountains.

I have a friend.  I have known her since we were teenagers, though there was a good 20 - 25 year period we had no communication at all. Facebook actually brought us back together again.  We talked for a while on Facebook and then I went to her house several times a year or more ago and was visiting her and her kids.  She has a daughter and a son, both teenagers.

She is divorced and I guess the dad isn't exactly a good role model.  I wouldn't know, to be honest, I met him once and was only there for a few minutes and there is no way of me coming up with my own, good judgment of the character of the man without spending much more time around him - of which I have no desire to do so a non sequitur.

Well, we kinda drifted off again, though talked sporadically online through Facebook here and there.  She calls me up a week or so ago and tells me she has some medical condition that doctors so far haven't been able to diagnose.  It leaves her dizzy and having to lay down and not being able to do much of anything.  Sounded like vertigo to me, but supposedly they ruled it out.

Well, the first thing she asks me is she has a favor to ask me.  No clue.  Out of the blue. Keep an open mind, so I said, "well, okay, what do you neet?".  She goes into this situation where her son does not have any male input into his life - apparently dad isn't around much and when he is, it's not exactly a good male role model - and would I be able to take him up to the property with me to help install the fence?  I don't know how she even knew I was going to install a fence up there, I have been wanting to do it but I wanted help, actually.  I have said something about that fence here on my blog, but she doesn't know about this blog - I don't really spread this around too much to anyone.  I'm not interested in having the entire world reading it.  I feel a bit more liberty to speak freely here than I would in much other internet venues and that simply because I don't go around telling people, "hey, read my blog, it's really cool!".

In reality, it is long, drawn out and reveals a lot of me and what is going on inside of me.  But I do have some really cool readers that have been coming for a long time : )

Apprehension at first.  I don't really know this kid.  He's  17 years old and she is basically going to force him to go up there with me.  I'm wondering what kind of time I am going to have with a person that might not even want to be there and being together with a person that he doesn't know, either, for an entire weekend and on top of that, having to visit my good friend, Manual Labor, for much of it.  But I pretty much decided quickly that the help would be good, if the help was good, lol, in putting that fence up.

Let's fast forward beyond the in-between stuff and all the talk.  I show up at their house on Friday afternoon, I'm ready to go.  I had talked to him before but not at any great length and it had been a while.  We have lunch at Mary's house and then leave.  I was very quickly put at ease with this kid.  A really cool kid, in the Boy Scouts and going for the Eagle Scout ranking.  That says something in itself.  You aren't going to be doing that with a bad attitude or whatever, which is what I was afraid of.  Great personality, we hit it off, talked the entire time drive up there.  Arrived at the property and I had a lot to do.  Not putting up the fence, either, that was to wait until the next day. I'm talking all the stuff to get everything fired up and running.

He was glad to see that I have satellite TV up there, namely, Direct TV with a lot of channels. We ended up watching The Walking Dead - zombie show but realistic, much more so than much of it's predecessors, and then realized they don't have TV at their house. Basically, if you want TV anymore, you have to pay for it.

Anyway, Saturday morning comes around, I have to go to Payson to get those T stakes, they call them, those are the green stakes you will see along highways with barbed wire fence attached to them.  But, I was installing a metal version of fencing painted green. It's the same as the fencing going around my mom's trailer up there and she wants everything to look the same, which I don't blame her and didn't bother me, isn't any more expensive than chain link so no big deal.  Well, we get into town, get those stakes, get some stuff for the tire for the wheelbarrow to fix it, get some breakfast and then had back.

But we took another route back and it took quite a while, but we passed right by the entrance to one of the scout camps he goes to during the summer.

Anyway, we got the entire fence up and ready to use excepting the gates, which I don't have. We also installed a weather-proof electrical outlet cover, semi-permanently installed the satellite dish and other things. I have no idea whether I had any good "influence" on him and I'm not sure that this kid needed it anyway.  But, moms tend to see things that others won't and she thought it important for him to have some male influence beyond his regular life which is, during the summer and when away from the Boy Scouts, mostly on the computer.

Got quite a lot more done this weekend than I expected.  But, that's because I had help, lol.
And now? The weekend just about over. Brought back a steak and some salad that was leftover from last night's meal, I don't have to cook anything for dinner : )

ben

I'm finally up in the mountains with my recruit, who is going to help me install the stakes in the ground to put the fence up.  It was an interesting drive because after picking up my helper, I was far out east and ended up taking a different road to get to the main highway that gets us up here.  The road took us by a river and a lake plus the speed limit was only 45 mph for quite a ways.  I had not driven up that way in a couple of decades - at least and had forgotten how beautiful it was in that area.

It is where everyone goes to go tubing down the river.  I used to do that in a different life, lol, I'm not really into that kind of thing any more.  I do, however, still like river rafting, that's a whole different ball of wax but I haven't done that in a long time either.

Anyway, mother said there was fencing materials on the side of the outhouse. Yes, but none of it useful for this project save on stake.  I will need at least 14 more.  I am going to have to figure out the layout of where I want the fence to run and then I can determine how many posts I will need.  I'm kind of wary, though, about this whole thing because my mother is not up here now and I would hate to put this whole thing up and then have her not like the layout.  Gag.  No choice, I'm here, my helper is here and fully intend on taking full advantage of his presence here, which is solely for the use of helping me install these posts.

Whatever the case, the weather up here is absolutely beautiful.........but no rain.  Blaaaaaah.  It showed it was raining in this area earlier today on the weather radar, but that apparently has completely passed.  Still, it's a good 20 degrees cooler - at least and that's good enough in itself.

Well, it's almost 9 pm and yes, that's close enough to my weekend bedtime.  Still like to go to bed relatively early and get up - early - on weekends.  I only brought Duke with me this time, though, there wasn't enough room for 3 dogs in the car plus another person and all the rest of what I had to bring up with me.

Anyway, enough.

ben

4th of July

Happy 4th of July/Independence Day to all that celebrate it.

Upon looking at the fence posts necessary to install the wire fencing, I decided that I would have to purchase  them up in Payson.  I would not be able to load those things into the car along with everything else I take up with me, plus they will be hanging out the back of the trunk of the car.  I have no desire to haul fence posts that far with them hanging out like that.

So I asked a person at the Home Depot if they had a store in Payson.  She gave me a blank look.  I repeated: Do you have a store in Payson?  I had never seen one there, but that doesn't mean they don't have one.  Payson what?  She didn't even know Payson is a town in Arizona, in fact, she thought Payson was some sort of material that they sell.

Lol.  No worries, I said, it's a town up north in the mountains, I'll just look it up online when I get home.  Though, I thought, I would rather know now in case they don't have one up there, I will have to reassess whether I want to buy them down here and haul them up there. The woes of not having a pickup truck, is all I can say about that.

And yes, there is a Home Depot store in Payson, Arizona.  It is further up the road that takes me into Payson than I normally go, I end up turning onto the 260 going Northeast instead of heading north on the 87, hence the fact that I didn't know there was one off of the 87 further north.  Anyway, I can empty the trunk up at the property and then head back into Payson and get the stakes.  It's kind of a working weekend coming up, up there, not really a lazy affair.  But I need to get this done.  I won't be able to finish all of it, though, I still need to get a chain link gate to install and I don't want to pay store prices for one.  I would rather find one on Craigslist and take it up with me on another trip up there.

I'm not necessarily looking forward to this project, it's just something that needs to be done.   I have put it off long enough and I am going to have someone helping me with it, so I don't really have to endure all this by myself, lol.

As for today, no lazy day.  I was going to go to the pastor's house for their cookout but I have too much to do here.  Just no time for it.  I was at the last couple of them, not like I am dissing the social scene here.  But I have to say, your internal clock sure takes a beating when it think it's the weekend - today would be Saturday by it's accounting, and then find out you have to wake up early in the morning for another day of work.  And what a waste going to work tomorrow will be. Sure, we can pull the orders for Monday delivery, but that will only take a small amount of time. There are a lot of orders going to the same place, but they are small orders and all should fit in the back of the pickup truck.  Most contractors aren't working and if they do make orders, undoubtedly they will be going out on Monday, not a Friday delivery.

Oh well.  I would have taken the day off if I could have.  In such case, I would have gone up to the property today and had much more time to do most of this project, though if I get all the fence posts in, that is the brunt of it right there.  Putting up the fencing is relatively easy work compared to that and installing a gate hopefully not too terribly hard, either.

Been a while since I've heard anything from my son.  He has never been particularly good at calling parents when he has been up at that camp before, I didn't expect a big change this year, either, though it gives a taste of things to come.  When he's in Hawaii, is he ever going to call us?  Even for a 5 minute phone call?  I have always kept in contact with my parents because I have read continuously, over and over, of parents whose kids have basically "abandoned" them, rarely calling them, send a card at Christmas and oh well.

Long interlude.  Almost time for bed.  Will be a long day tomorrow what with work and then coming home and loading up the car and then going and getting the other person and then driving up north.  I hope to get off work early, but at least if I can get off by 2:00 pm that will work.  Shouldn't be a problem since there will be very little to do.

I am going to take one dog up there with me, I haven't decided which.  Well,  okay, I am not going to take the little one.  It's going to be one of the Danes.  I can't take both, I don't think, cause' the bed they usually lay on will be used by my helper going up there.  I don't have dogs sleeping on my bed with me - ever.  Well, not in decades anyway.  I have sleeping problems and dogs move around a lot at night.  That would just keep me up all night long.

Enough.

G'nite.

ben

Wednesday

Still paying for yesterday's gambit in the mine.  I went to bed with a terrible headache, at least that is gone but I still don't feel right.

Well, finish out today's work and then a day off tomorrow, back to work on Friday and then the weekend. It kinda messes with your sync to have a day off and then go right back to work and then off again.  Good chance that on Friday, there will be nothing to do as the contractors I have spoken with have stated they are having a 4 day weekend.  There is no point, IMO, in opening up a store that will have nothing in terms of customers, but our company does this a lot.

But at least there's plenty to do today and all that machinery is still on the truck - got back too late to take it downtown to have it removed.  We can't remove it at our yard, our forklift can't handle the weight and anyway, they deal with that stuff downtown.

Short one here. I was reading about the fallen firefighters, new info coming out and now a team of investigators headed to the scene to try and determine what happened and if there was anything they should have done differently.

G'day.

ben

The Ray Mine

I love these people that want to argue with me about humidity versus heat.  I hate high humidity, but that doesn't make high humidity the end-all when it comes to heat.

Today, for example. I down in a mine waiting to get the truck loaded up with machinery.  I was there for an hour and 15 minutes before they finally started loading the truck. Turn out mine inspectors from the State showed up out of the blue, no forewarning, and were conducting a review and on-site inspection.  When they show up, apparently, everything else is done.  They are going to do what they are going to do and no work will take place until they are done.

Hence, the sitting there in the truck for 75 minutes waiting for them to show up.  When they did show up, the  crew that is, the mine inspectors weren't far behind them.  It was blistering hot on the deck of my trailer.  The metal on the trailer was so hot that it burned my flesh after only a few seconds contact.  I was sweating so hard my sunglasses were covered with it and I could hardly see out of them. But, those are safety-glasses and in mines, you have to have glasses on at all times.  I was in the direct sunlight and it's MUCH hotter in direct sunlight than temperature readings that are taken in the shade.

I think that's what really doesn't compute with people. Temperature readings are taken in the shade, not direct sunlight.  Well, I work almost always in direct sunlight.  It's HOT, just plain hot.  Everything you touch is hot.  Kneeling down on the deck of trailer to pull the chains through the slots?  My legs burned even with pants on, heat went right through them and I found myself crouching instead.

I wanted to get it over with and though I was well hydrated before I got out of the truck to get all these machines tied down, I was definitely not in such state afterwards.  I pulled my hard hat off and an immense amount of fluid came pouring out of it.  Gross? Perhaps, but that was my body fluids accumulating in there that I didn't even know was going on.

The worst of it was those mine inspectors.  They were standing there watching me the entire time. They were talking with the crew's foreman and mine officials, yes, but they were just standing there, scrutinizing my every move.  I was watching my every move, everything done in complete regard to safety.  I didn't want them coming after me, please just leave me alone and fool with them, thank you.  This went on for well over an hour, them standing there discussing whatever but having me in full view.

I called the salesman on that account afterwards and told him what had been happening, he started laughing. "Dude, if you had done anything wrong, they would have jumped all over your @$$ and written you a ticket with a fine, ANYTHING at all".  Whatever.  People get injured and killed at mines, always have and undoubtedly it will continue on as long as there are mines - which I don't see any end of in any near future.  Hence the over-zealous safety regulations.  I get it, but I didn't really enjoy having them standing there watching my every move.

It's 4 hours later and I still have a massive heat headache.  Enough so that I am calling it quits MUCH earlier than normal tonight.  In fact, it's not even nighttime and I am thinking of heading to bed.

ben

Tuesday

Temps starting to come back down. Today's high will be 112 and then after today down below 110.  This is good news cause' those really hot days just wear on my AC, it basically runs all afternoon long and into the evening to keep it cool in here.

I am planning on heading up north this weekend.  Still getting warm during the day up there, but going down into the 60's at night, which is perfect.  I want to install that fence I have been thinking about doing for some time.

I am finding that I need not go up there "all the time".  Just when the feeling hits.  But my visits up there are throughout the year, my mom goes up for 3 weeks at a time during the summer and then comes back down for a week, but she will not venture up there during the winter.

I am not sure how much of the fencing project I will get done - it really needs to rain nicely up there so the ground will be a bit easier to drive those stakes in - but I am going to give it a good try, lol.

Well, off to the mountains today in the semi.  A nice little trip up to one of the mines to pick up a giant fusion machine and it's generator.  Our company rents them and when the customer is finished, they like us to get them back quickly.  Fix/repair any damage and have them ready for the next rental. They are quite expensive to rent.  However, to buy one?  A new one lists at just under 500k, which doesn't include the generator to power it.

Anyway, off to work.

ben

I headed into my son's room today and got out his guitar that his grandpa gave him a couple of years ago.  It hasn't even been used.  It's a brand new guitar with the tags still hanging off of it.  I haven't played since i was a teenager and I wanted to see if I could remember the chords.  I could only remember g and c, I had to look up the rest of the basic chords, which do not include the minors and pluses.

I was actually quite pleased with myself at how fast I picked chords back up.

I just got back from being outside - standing there just watering plants. I began sweating profusely about 5 minutes after being out there.  It is darn hot and no-one is going to tell me anything different (though a couple have tried telling me wherever they are is much hotter, yeah if you're in the Sahara!).  There are certain plants out there that cannot handle this kind of heat without having daily waterings and that's what I was doing.

I was also attempting to catch my 12 inch white and black butterfly Koi in the in-ground pond.  He is too big for that pond and would be much happier in the horse trough pond, but I couldn't catch him!  There are too many hiding places where the net simply won't go.  I will keep trying, though, until I catch him.

Eddie - neighborhood teenager that walks my dogs - just stopped by.  Nope.  No dog walking today.  I am not having Great Danes out there in 120 heat.  Their paws will get too hot and they will get overheated quickly.  Recipe for death/disaster.  The proof was in the pudding: usually when he comes in they get all excited and start tromping about. Today? All 3 of them just laid there, staring at him.  They aren't quite THAT stupid!!  They were outside earlier and didn't want anything to do with it.  It's hot and large dogs simply can't deal with it.


Long interlude.  My ex FB'd me and said $450 more had come in for Caleb for his stint in Hawaii.  I think it's about halfway to the needed amount now with a couple months or so left to go, though I have no idea when they actually have to have that money in by.

And then a friend I have known since I was a teenager calls and tells me her 17 year old son is fighting and arguing with her (single mom) and can I help her deal with him?  ???  How, exactly, am I supposed to deal with someone else's kid?, I am thinking, but she starts to explain that there are no men in his life and she wants that kind of influence.  I've got to pray about that and get some guidance I think.

Speaking of prayer, prayer meeting last night was awesome!

Well whatever, I'm done with this one, it's getting late (my version of it anyway) and I need to get some sleep.

ben

It was hot out there today. No, it wasn't the 117 to 120 they are predicting tomorrow, but 112 degrees is plenty hot, thank you very much.  But as much as I disdain the heat and I despise living here in the summer, I have adapted very quickly this year to the intense heat and though I might throw some complaints out about it, I am taking it very well considering.

There is no doubt, though, that my mind is fairly well made up that retiring here? If I live that long? Not a happening event.  Charleston, South Carolina sounds good. So do a couple of places in Oregon.  My internet friend Fin seems to think Mississippi is the bomb.  I read about other's lives where they live and how they are liking it there.  I think about moving out of this state alot.  My company has stores all over the United States.  One only need find a place one wants to live and then put in for any available positions, or just wait until one becomes available.

Meanwhile, my dad.  Dear old dad. I love him dearly, but the life he is living is hell on earth.  His wife throws him out, brings him back, throws him out.  I decided to stay away from that email address for a couple of weeks because I am having a hard time dealing with that.  I went today and found a lot of emails going on between him and my uncles. One of them from my uncle Bill - who is dealing with ALS or MS, don't remember which, regardless horrifying, unbelievable diseases - who wrote him an email and then named me - and asked for my thoughts?  I have been pretty forthright with my dad about this ever since I started reading all this stuff and seeing how often this woman throws him out, it's ridiculous.  How can a woman want a man around at all after throwing him out so many times? How can a man want to be with a woman that obviously doesn't want him around?

Friday's a coming.  Yes, I don't want to dwell on the former subject too long, so changing it.  The projected highs are 117 to 120.  Now they have upped Saturday's high temps to 120 as well.  Whatever.  It means I have to be very diligent about watering my plants.  The entire property watered today after I got off work.  All of it. They are all heat tolerant, but if they don't have enough water, well you can figure out the rest.  It doesn't take long in this heat for the ground to dry up and the plants to go along with them, especially the "non-desert" plants that need more water.  I remember when installing my sprinkler system - I had no clue.  Now I do.  If I had it to do all over again, well, it would certainly be a completely different setup.  The plants and trees that need a lot of water - would all be on one line.  It would include plants in the front, sides and rear of property.  A lot more main line but over time, would be WELL worth the expense.

The plants and trees that are desert originated - different main line which would have to run along side the line for the plants that need a lot of water.  I have a mix all over my property. And then a 3rd line for the plants/trees in between the first 2 variables.

The weekend.  Thoughts of going up north.  I dunno. I pretty much make that decision on Fridays after I get off work. Do I feel like driving up there?  It's 20 degrees cooler up there in daytime, MUCH cooler at night. Still have to run AC, though, when it's this hot.  Oh my, it's going to be 103 up there tomorrow! Not so surprising, though, in light of the 120 or so it's going to be here.  But, my RV has a good AC unit on it and blows out ice cold air.

Otherwise, stay home, stay inside and do nothing.  I would entertain a trip to Big Surf, but my son is gone and going alone wouldn't be as much fun.

Almost time for bed.

ben

I walked into the house and heard very loud arguing going on.
Not accustomed to hearing such in my house.
Don't like it, either and I won't put up with it for very long.
I have had other couples getting into heated arguments in here in the past and at a certain point?
I went banging on the door.  "Whatever you are fighting about, I DON'T WANT TO BE SUBJECTED TO IT, take it outside or find another place to live".  

I am not going to have that kind of s*** going on in my house on an on-going basis.  Life has FAR to much crap to offer to have to listen to that kind garbage going on in your own home.  I am NOT married anymore and I refuse to be subjected to it.

So it is. I haven't addressed it - yet.  This is the first day I have heard it.  If this is a one-time, knock-down, drag-it-out deal, then fine.  Get it out of the system.

Whatever.  I was sent home early today after getting back to the yard around 1:15.  I have overtime and the company isn't liking it.  I can understand why, our numbers are WAY down but there is nothing I can do about a situation when I am out on the road doing deliveries and pickups.  It only took half an hour off the 4 hour and a half hours I had already accumulated this week and 2 more days to get rid of the rest of it if it slows down again.

I want the OT, but if I can't have it, I can't have it.  If they do another situation where hours are reduced to 7 per day, I don't think I will deal with that again. I went for over 3 years doing that and now that I have been out of it for a year or so, I don't want to revert back to it.  At the same time, looking for a job, even if  I am a "qualified" driver - totally sucks.  Put in applications all over the place and look at the offers.  If I have to go looking for another job, it's going to be about the money, not about the hours.  It would be very hard, though, to walk away from a place where I now have upgraded vacation hours.

Well I just hope it doesn't go there.  I can deal with 8 hours a day only and no OT, I don't like it but I can deal with it, but anything less makes it awfully hard to make ends meet.  The kicker for me is that during all that time, management didn't take any pay reductions.  It's hard to sympathize when someone is doling it out but isn't taking it up the ying-yang like everyone else.

Just another thing I don't need to deal with.  No official word of headcount reduction, but if the monthly sales volume continues the way it is, it is inevitable that it will occur and it will happen out of the blue with no forewarning and no-one will have any idea who is going and who is staying.

Meanwhile, the forecast high for Friday is anywhere from 117 to 120, depending on whose forecast your read/listen to/watch.  And as normal, people say it's a "dry heat".  So is an oven but you don't deny it's ability to cook roasts and whatever else to well done.

I have nothing left to say, well I do but not worth going into.

ben

As predicted - and hoped for - Monday was busy all day long.
It was also unsettling to see ADOT Enforcement vehicles, sheriffs and Highway Patrol stopping trucks all over the place.  They just can't leave us alone.  Pick on trucks but let car drivers doodle on down the road while paying more attention to their smart phones than the road in front of them.  ADOT takes pleasure in finding a driver that they can disqualify or a truck they can put out of service.  Whatever.  I have little respect for those that have no respect for me and my encounters with ADOT have not been pleasant ones with these little "dictators" running around acting like mini-gods and expecting you to bow and worship them whenever you have the extreme misfortune of being pulled over by one of them.

I got lucky as they were all busy with other drivers.

As for today, it also looks busy.  I hope it's a trend that continues for a while, lol. Days just whisk by and seem like nothing whenever I am busy at work and there is more to do than time to get it all done.

I have an appointment with the pastor for Thursday.  I could have done it today, but for whatever reason, I knew I wouldn't feel like doing that today so I opted for a Thursday meet instead.

Another Monday here.
No short work week, either, just another long, drawn out week.
Well, not today though.  There are $65,000 worth of orders in the system.
Because Friday was inventory day, we couldn't pull those orders so unless they did it this weekend, I will have my hands full this morning.

A good thing.  It will take hours to pull the order, even more time to wrap it and load it and then it's a bit of drive out east to deliver it.  Should take up most if not all of the morning.  This is the way to start a work week, not like last week where there was absolutely nothing to do and I sat around inventing things to do all day long so I wouldn't fall asleep in complete, utter boredom.

I wrote my pastor an email yesterday about the situation with the lady that showed up at church, I did ask if he has a few moments this week if we could meet somewhere.  But he was busy at the hospital.  A baby we have been praying for for a long, long time now is finally getting a new heart (yes, literally a heart transplant) and that is, obviously, far more important.  In fact, it was incredibly good news to hear during the service yesterday that a surgeon had flown out somewhere to see the heart and see if it would be  good match and yes, DURING the service the pastor received a text message saying it is!!

But still, he said he will find time later this week which is cool with me.

Life goes on and "things" continue to occur in my life and in those around me.  I am still a bit in shock with my friend's planned divorce proceedings.  I have known her since the ministry days.  She's a good lady, but I know all too well the issues that go on in marriage and a willingness from both sides to work things out is totally necessary to avoid - eventual divorce.  I guess the hard part to swallow about all of this is the large amount of children they have had and the fact that several of them are still very young, well under 10 years old.  That isn't exactly a recipe for a balanced life when considering growing up without the parental "units" being there, together.

Whatever.  I can't do anything about that except pray, and pray I will!

Time to be off to work.

G'day.

ben

An amazing day

I walked into the sanctuary/auditorium/whatever-you-want-to-call-it at church today, going to my normal place to sit.  I don't move around from Sunday to Sunday, I have a "preferred" row where I sit and that's that, whether anyone else sits around me or not.

On my way there, I look around a pillar to see a woman from the past, that I hadn't seen since the church whose pastor shunned me.  I was shocked, jaw-dropped  while she expressed loudly: Well if it isn't BEN B******!!!!

In a nano-second, emotions of hate, anger and contempt came into my whole being.  I was loathing this woman with every fiber of my being, my innards were crying out that I hated her and I couldn't stop it. THIS was the woman that had handed me a "word from the Lord", so long ago, that just short of told me I was going to hell because I was getting divorced.  The letter was rancid, flesh-originated and full of condemnation and judgement.  I will NEVER forget it because it was so hateful and also - because this woman, at THAT time, was on her FIFTH marriage!! Condemning me for getting divorced  when she had done it 4 times already?

I was loath to sit there for the rest of the service.  Leaders in the church came up to me on 2 occasions before the service began and asked me how I was doing. I told them but they could not, for whatever reason, find it within themselves to pray for me.  I wanted prayer for ME, not her, my reaction to her being there was so incredibly outlandish - though I didn't express or speak it in any way - I could not believe what was suddenly going on inside of me.  It was incredibly BAD.

I forced myself to sit through the entire service. People were staring at me.  I know I had a bad look on my face, I didn't intend to but I couldn't stop it.  The emotion coursing through me was raw and unrefined.  I had NO idea I had been harboring this much hate against this person until I saw her, up close and personal.  I kept looking over across the other side of the church, glaring at her and wishing she would just disappear.  I know that's bad for a Christian, but what is the point of being dishonest and attempting to be someone you aren't?

I also came to the realization that - my belief - God had brought her there if for no other purpose, for me to realize the bitterness and hatred I was harboring against her and force me to deal with it.  But you don't just get filled up with hate and anger towards a person you haven't seen in 8 or 9 years and have, unknowingly I might add, been harboring it against that person that whole time and then suddenly, 2 minutes later, just say yeah, I forgive her. You might be saying the words with your MOUTH, you will NOT be saying those words in your HEART where it REALLY counts.

At the end of the service, the pastor asked everyone to take other's hands and say some words after him and then - fill in the blank. Well, the only person sitting in my row was a very godly woman that has been part of that church plant from the beginning. We took hands and she started telling me some things.  I then told her what was going on and she began ministering to me some truth that - I REALLY needed to hear.  It was solid, gold, foundation stuff.  Meat-of-the-Word type of stuff. We talked for half an hour or so and then I finally left.

I then got home and posted a note on my Facebook wall.  It was about someone that once told me that I shouldn't wear my emotions on my sleeve. Yeah, and says who? American mindset that leads to nothing good. Let it build up inside of you until you HAVE to let it out SOME way and usually not in a GOOD way.  You see, I told a couple of people at church - in leadership - what was going on and they couldn't help me.  Or wouldn't help me.  You aren't supposed to expose yourself, right?  BUNK.  If the body of Christ can no more deal with it's own people's problems, how is it going to deal with the world's?  \

Well, there was a totally unintended consequence to that posting on my FB wall.  FB chat messages.  People who started exposing things that were going on in their lives.  2 of them, not a huge lot of them but these 2 were exposing themselves and issues that they had not spoken about to anyone else.  Including a dear, sweet lady friend of mind who lives in Texas who has filed for divorce. No-one else knows about this, not even her own family or her kids.  I spent an hour talking with her about it, it was soooo intense.  She is going through hell, she has 9 kids. Yes, that's NINE kids, ranging from a 20 year old in the Navy to toddlers.

I discussed with her about a problem child.  She didn't tell me this, I heard it from the Lord.  I pushed it until she finally gave in, yes, a teenager with serious issues and in trouble. The marriage and what was going on with it.  A LOT of stuff.  She confided in me so I am not going to betray her trust, but wow.   The other person facing a MS diagnosis.  Double wow.  I wondered if what I had gone through today was a bit selfish in light of their predicaments, but I came to the conclusion: no.  What I went through during that time of divorce and the issues with the church was pure and total HELL.  NO-ONE is going to tell me otherwise.  But that does not mean I have or even want to walk around carrying that load forever.  I had thought I was over all of it, I found out I am not and that's OKAY, and just as much, it is OKAY for me to have the feelings I had today and live through them as long as I end up DEALING with it - quickly I would like to add - and not fester on it.

Yes!! Christians can have those feelings, but you just don't live IN those feelings forever!  I am a child of God but I am still in this "tent of flesh"!  It doesn't like these kinds of things and it wants to lash out. But I did NOT lash out at that woman today and I have no intention of doing so.  I DO intend on approaching her at some point and having a conversation about this situation - if she intends on making the church I am going to her church as well.  But again, my heart has to be in the 'forgiving' stage, not the 'gee, why don't you get your ass the hell out of here because you are a piece of s***' stage.

Well, anyway. I talked with and more importantly, listened to those 2 (well, read their words on Facebook) for over 2 hours today.  I poured my heart out to them in ministering to them what I thought the Lord had to say to them regardless of what I had just gone through.  To be honest, after having such intense emotions of hate and anger against a person today, I didn't really feel very much in the position to be ministering to others, but they were hurting people and I couldn't just brush them off, so I didn't.

I'm drained.  For a Sunday? Intense.  I'm going to sleep.

G'nite.

ben

I'm sitting at my computer desk in my kitchen. Well, you can call it next to the kitchen but part of the kitchen?  Whatever.  I hear the click of the rear door - meaning someone is coming in.  It's the only entrance we use in and out of the house - excepting I use the east door to get to the east side of the property to enjoy my ponds and such.

There is also a sliding glass door right next to where my desk is, but I banished the use of that a long time ago.

I mostly ignore people coming in and out of that door, it's about 30 feet behind me, if I'm on the net or doing something on the computer, I rarely even look up until the person gets into the kitchen itself.  Well when no-one came into the kitchen, I started to turn my head to look up and at the same time, Duke and Prince started growling.

Those dogs never growl at anyone coming through that back door. The door clicked again, also at the same time I was turning my head and by the time I got my eyes on the back door, I caught a fleeting glimpse of someone in a t-shirt - they took off.  Duke was already up and running towards the back door, I was much more motivated and had to move him out of my way.  By the time I got out the back door, no-one in sight.  I was out there too fast for anyone to have run all they to the front gate, so I started looking over fences.

Nothing.

This was broad daylight and someone had the gall to open my back door and apparently come into my house with me sitting there.  I decided to get my friend - SW40VE - and keep her at bit closer.  Scared? No. Worried? A bit. What was that person doing? What was their intent? Were they armed? Were they burglars/thieves?

This happened about an hour ago.

I am too tired to fool with it further.  I'm going to sleep.  Someone wants to mess with me in my bedroom, they are not going to like the outcome is all I can say.

ben

Ma Bell Has Been Disconnected/Goodbye (read: GOOD RIDDANCE) to Centurylink

After..decades..a lifetime..of business with what was originally Bell Telephone company and then going through several of it's offshoots, I have finally severed my ties with a company that at one time was above reproach, had the best customer service around and was a pleasure to deal with.

It isn't so anymore and after 6 phone calls, having one person hang up on me and several others put me on hold, I am done with it - Centurylink.  I am not going to go into the details of today's phone calls excepting to say that I was interrupted countless times; talked over the top of numerous times and basically treated like a piece of dog dung.

Is Cox going to be any better?  Well right off the bat, I am paying the same as I was with Centurylink but I have 32 average mbps compared to around 5.3 mbps with Centurylink.  Thanks for playing.  That alone is enough.  I am sure Cox Communications incoming call centers are probably no better than anyone else's, but Centurylink's management  is atrocious.  Beyond the incoming call center, up to the executive offices, it is the most abhorrent company around.  They are, absolutely, worse than Direct TV.  I can't stress enough to you the fact that Direct TV's customer service is absolutely abysmal, but usually, when you talk to upper level management, you are treated much better and you are usually happy with the results.

Centurylink?  The treatment of their customers is the same: bottom-of-the-barrel, whether talking to the first person or talking to whoever, wherever, with whatever title.  I can only give kudos to the field tech supervisor, he was top-notch and he did the best with what he had available to work with. What he had to work with is underground wiring that has needed upgrading for quite a long time now.

Enough.  I did not know that Independence Day falls on a Thursday this year.  Gag.  I can't even tell you how it is to go get a day off in the middle of a work week and then have to go to work the next day after that holiday.  I should have checked.  Take the day off.  But, it's too late and I will just eat that one,.

I stopped at a QT today for my version of an energy drink. I don't do RedBull and the like, I have NEVER had any of them, save one I think once and I did not like the feeling it gave me.  QT has fruit smoothies and has various additives you can put in them, one of which is an energy addition.  I do it occasionally, it also has yogurt in it.  I was going through the entrance door and noticed a man walking up to the trash can.  I stopped and watched him remove the lid off the can, rummage around and pull out a QT beverage cup that still had something in it.  He put the straw that was still in the cup's lid up to his mouth and took a deep draw off of it.

He then went inside the store, refilled the thing and walked out.  I said nothing, just watched while ordering my smoothie.  I would have bought him something to eat, but he walked away, not asking anyone for anything.

I'll tell you something that gets me, completely changing the subject, really - well burns and fumes would be words I would use but since I am referring to campfires, well anyway.

The Tonto Forest has a complete ban on campfires. Well, on all kinds of things:

The following are prohibited: 

1.      1.      Building, maintaining, attending or using a fire, campfire, charcoal, coal, or wood stove, anywhere on the forest, including fires in developed campgrounds.

2.      2.      Smoking, except within an enclosed vehicle or building.

3.      3.      Discharging or using any kind of firework or other pyrotechnic device.

4.      4.      Discharging a firearm, except while engaged in a lawful hunt.

5.      5.      Using an explosive.  An explosive is defined as any chemical compound, mixture, or device, the primary or common purpose of which is to function by explosion.

6.      6.      Operating a chainsaw, or other equipment powered by an internal combustion engine. 

7.      7.      Welding or operating acetylene or other torch with an open flame.

  I remember the days when there were no bans.  People didn't fires unattended and in several cases, end up burning down hundreds of thousands of acres of forest.  We cared and we knew what we were doing.  We put our fires out and that was that.  It didn't matter if the forest was bone dry, as long as we had an effective fire pit and we were monitoring it, there was never a problem.

Those days are long gone. I understand the Forest Service need to to ban all of that, they tried everything else for years and years and it didn't work, some people simply don't care.  The forest and it's magnificent beauty if meaningless to them. It's just another place to go get drunk.  Or get into the cool weather.  Whatever.  It just sucks that even on private property up there, if you have an open fire in a very well-built pit, the forest rangers will come along and make you put them out and yes, issue citations.

Oh well.  Hopefully the "Monsoon Season" will bring some rain up north and the severe restrictions will be lifted, even if only temporarily.  When we get enough rain and the forest is wet, then and only then will they lift the bans.  But summertime in Arizona, it's pretty much automatic: get int June and that's it. Too many morons out there.

Done. Another work week drags on. Very little to do. I did spend half of today running doing returns and pickups, but the only delivery I made was in the pickup and it was worth less than $400.  

Time to head to the bedroom and get ready for early sleep.  I didn't sleep well last night and if there is a repeat, I figure to go to bed early enough so that when/if I wake up in the middle of the night, I will already have a handful of hours of sleep accomplished.

ben