Is there any way to stop it?
I dunno.
A 14 going on 15 year old boy and a 16 year old boy, both of them have various stages of attitude going on at any given time, both of them have various forms of frustrations going on their lives that they are going to vent in some way or another, both of them landing some serious accusations against each other.
But last night? Pure, unpolluted and unbelievable anger and rage. I mean, if I hadn't literally jumped in the middle of it, there would have been a fist fight and with that kind of anger? I have no idea how it would have ended, not pretty that's for sure. I can't be there all the time, I am 99% sure at some point this fight is going to take place and there is going to be bloodshed and there isn't much I can do about it.
I have an idea of sitting them down together, face to face, and having a meeting of the minds with them to have them air out their offenses with - me - sitting there playing defense/interference - to try and get them to keep calm and not start up again. That is the only thing I can think of to at least try. But I know if I even try something like that - there will be a problem in actually trying to get things to go the way I would like to steer them because she will undoubtedly start in and take over. So it kind of defeats the purpose before it ever began.
I dunno, but this situation just cropped up this week as well, with one calling the other's girlfriend a f****** slut and all kinds of obscenities and garbage being hurled from one to the other and back again from the other to the one. I had no fear last night getting in the middle of that, my fear is when either I or she is gone and hearing the aftermath of a fight that probably will end up with broken bones and God only knows what else.
Well, time to get ready for church. And praying about this today and attempting to get a God-resolution for it. One can wish and hope, anyway.
G'day.
ben
2 comments:
I kind of agree with you that you could probably talk it out with them, because you have experience in that area, what with all the kids that used to hang around Caleb in the old days.
I also think you are pretty shrewd to figure out that IF you try, she will trash the experience the way she did a few days ago, jumping in and giving all sorts of unrelated conflicted and perhaps contradictory input.
Is she aware of the potential violence with that pair and the reasons for it? Does she care? Does she feel she can cope with it and defuse the situation better than you can? These are real questions which I think she should be compelled to answer to you, specifically spelled out, and in the very near future.
Because it is a template of future conflicts. She has, at least from here, proven unable or unwilling to address these kinds of problems up until this time. I think you will need to end up making it clear to her (and to them) that these conflicts WILL be resolved without physical violence and hopefully without gutter language from now on. Further, that conflict resolution without ugliness is going to be an absolute condition of you continuing to be involved in their lives in any meaningful way.
Otherwise, she may need to accept that she will continue to have a shambles of a life - with you as a part time, caring and concerned VISITOR, when your inner strength permits you to do so. You will need to continue keeping all your options open, especially as you need to find new living accommodations shortly.
Yeah I agree, the violence thing needs to go. I grew up with two older brothers who fought constantly. Parents would come home from work and middle brother would end up going to the hospital. Babysitter would do nothing to intervene. Not the greatest environment to grow up in. She does care, but she has been unable to do much of anything for a while now. She is still "fresh" out of divorce, my opinion anyway. It's been a while, but 20 years worth takes a while to get out of your system. She is also going through menopause so that adds to it. I just can't do the marriage thing yet until we get past some of this stuff, I know what kind of monster I would turn into in being cranky and angry all the time if I were living in that house right now. The lady that owns the property I am living at is in a hurry to get out of here. She really wants to move to the city and not have to deal with all of this property all the time.
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