As the days pass, I get broker and broker.
I have definitely not been in this position in a long, long time.
And it sucks, to be frank about it.
But, stuff like this motivates people.
Since the wedding is only a few weeks away, I have started the job search - this weekend actually.
Currently, I am mostly applying at tanker/hazmat positions, but there are other jobs out there that aren't hazmat that also pay quite well.  I'm applying at all of them. I just need a crack in the door to get into tanker, someone to give me a chance.

Though, I see tankers roller over at least once a week in the area I work in.  Just saw another one yesterday.  Dunno how the guy did it, but the entire truck was rolled off the side of the on ramp coming onto the Interstate, there was a large wrecker there trying to pull it up.

I wouldn't mind getting into heavy haul or even one of those giant wrecker trucks.  I have some experience at heavy haul, zero at wreckers.  Again, it's all about someone giving you a chance.

Since I am so broke, I have nothing else to do this weekend anyway.  Might as well spend it filling out applications. And these trucking applications are quite lengthy. It takes at least 30 minutes if not more (wasn't keeping track of time) to fill one of them out, they want so much information.

Definitely wouldn't have opted to go to California if it wasn't a life event.  My son getting married is definitely up there at the top.  But, I still have to pay to get to Dallas, pay to park the car 4 days there, pay to get from the airport to the hotel, pay to get from the hotel to the wedding location.  I've got at least $125 or more in those expenses plus I have to eat.  That's really hundreds of dollars that I don't have to spend.

If it weren't so far away, I would have driven there instead.  But at almost 1,700 miles, I don't think so. It would have saved me a lot of money though.  Now I'm hearing a rumor from my ex pastors that my son doesn't have a ride to California to his own wedding? Uhhh, okay.  Take a Greyhound.  That's my best advice.  Apparently his ride fell through.  He hasn't contacted me about that, but I'm in no position to help him anyway. I gave him the money I had saved up as a wedding gift when I was in Phoenix last month. It seems since then my financial status has deteriorate quickly, all due to these small paychecks I am getting due to the boss cutting hours.

However, I can sort of understand the plight. The store was only at 600k in sales as of yesterday, something I didn't know until I looked it up.  Still, the first people they take pay cuts out on are the drivers. No-one else gets a cut in hours resulting in cut in pay, it's always the drivers that get the shaft.  I'm pretty tired of it.  This has been going on in this company for years, but when I was in Phoenix, my hourly pay was much higher and was easier to ride out those storms.  Now, when hour cuts come, not even possible.  I forgot about the auto insurance pay that just went through.  And then I have the phone payment coming up....

However.  I did put extra money on the electric last month at the Phoenix house.  There should be enough on there now that I won't have to add but maybe a couple hundred dollars to keep that going through til September. Oh if it were the winter or even fall months right now, my expenses would be much cheaper.  that house goes down hundreds of dollars in electric use in the winter and the water bill goes way down as well.  That's a reprieve I could use right now.

The only thing I have to look forward to is my son getting cut off from my health insurance.  That should be around $300 per month in savings.  Hey, it's not my choice, once he gets married, that nixes him being on my company plan.  I let him know a couple months ago about that.  I wish him well, but I hope he doesn't go through hard financial times, but reality is about to hit him. He has never had to pay for a place to live and he's 24 years old.

Well enough about him, love the boy dearly but I am kinda focused on my situation.  It would be grand if I could get at least one call to go to the store this weekend to service a customer and get the extra $100. So far, nothing. Ready to go at a moment's notice though.  In fact, I wouldn't mind being on call ALL the time for that kind of payout. Even during the week at the middle of the night.  I'd do pretty much anything right now to make some extra cash excepting taking on a second job.  I'm not doing the work 2 jobs thing, I'll go find a better single job instead.  I mean seriously.  I would even have to consider taking a regional driving job the further in the hole I get.  At least get paid 60k per year and not have to worry about money - but - out on the road 5 days a week.  That kinda sucks. Not as bad as OTR, but still bad enough.

Okay, I guess I need to make up a resume.  So, spend an hour or more doing that. But I am applying at Haliburton and I want to give myself the best opportunity I can get to make a good first impression.  They are an excellent company to work for, excellent pay and benefits.  Would love to end my working career with them.  They have some job openings available, but like any other company in high demand, I will be competing with a lot of other drivers for one and same position.

Oh well.  I'll motivate myself to write up that resume, I got to that point and ended that one.  Most of these companies just make you fill out extensive applications instead of uploading resmes, but I've had a couple that want one, likely if you don't supply one, they will just delete your application.  First I need to find a format for one and then fill it out.

I guess that's all I'm going to do this weekend. All of this financial stuff is really draining.  It keeps me awake at night and I have little motivation to do anything else, such as finish the 4 wheeler and load it up, take it out for a spin somewhere.  It's freaking hot outside anyway, the humidity is killer.

______________________

Sunday early afternoon.  I felt impressed of the Holy Spirit that I need to read the New Testament in 7 days.  The Word is a treasure if you treat it as such, the gems that you get from it can be awe-inspiring.  At the point I am at in my life with my finances drained and the prospects looking bleaker and bleaker by the day, my only hope that I have ever truly have relied on is God, His Word, the Holy Spirit and my relationship with Jesus Christ.  Where I find the answers that I need in the word, if I take the time to seek it out.

I don't even know what I am supposed to be doing now in life.  If I am at an unseen crossroads, then I want direction from the Lord, not from this world.

In fact, after my dad's death and reflecting on his life and seeing all those people that were influenced by him, and reflecting on things I have done earlier in life for the Lord, I have come to the conclusion that I am basically wasting my life at this point, accomplishing no heavenly good or seeing souls won to Christ.  That...should be more of a concern to me than what I am to eat, what I am to wear, how I am to pay my bills.  Seek ye first the Kingdom of Heaven and all these things shall be added unto you, the Scripture says.  All these things being the daily things of life that you need.  Many, many more scriptures that relate to this as well, but the point is made.

So, I divided up the number of pages in the New Testament against the number of days and see that I have 130 pages to read per day.  I'm almost done with today's allotment, though during the week this will be much more demanding. Though, I don't watch that much TV anymore, I do spend time on FB admittedly.  But today, while getting absorbed in the Word, all of that just sort of floated away.

It helped that it is a nice day outside, actually.  I mean, it isn't 70 degrees but compared ot what we have had all this week, it was a cool day.  I much prefer reading outdoors than indoors is the point.

The art of quiet reflection, meditation and prayer are things I have kinda let slip out of my life. I am seeking a return to that  To not let the actions and words of other people bother me.  To not worry about finances.  Yes, take whatever action I can take, but worry about it? no.

So, that will be my main endeavor for the next 7 days, tho I am still going to put in applications.  I filled out a resume maker yesterday and then got sidetracked.  It's a minimal cost - $1.79 - to be able to copy and save it into a file, but unfortunately I turned m computer off and lost all of that, so will have to start over.  Oh well.

The days are short until Caleb's wedding.  It's the 30th today and I leave on the 10th. There are things I need to get done but waiting until some more money comes in before I do that.  Wedding attire should be relatively easy to find at the mall.  Paying in advance for parking at DFW and the shuttle to the hotel in LA.  I have a 2-1/2 hour stopover in San Francisco.  Wish it were longer, actually, I wouldn't mind taking a trip around that city for the fun of it.  But 2-1/2 hours isn't long enough to do that and always a hassle getting in an out of airports, so I'll pass.

Well, I think that's enough for one entry.

G'day.