Posting will be limited on here since there isn't that much going on.  I coudl talk about issues of the day that interest me, but I find it more engaging to do that in groups where both like-minded and opposing minded people gather to debate.  Which is usually quite entertaining because many of them usually have no clue what they are talking about, but speak with emotion so that they would sound to the uninformed as IF they know what they are talking about through their limited powers of persuasion.  When someone like me comes along with facts and hands them - facts without the emotion - they go off the deep end. They cannot come back with a logical response and so, they have to revert to getting angry and letting loose with expletives and all kinds of non-endearing rhetoric.
BTW, anyone that wants to engage in such groups, I have links to several of them. I don't take it too seriously though.  It's a lot of race stuff and groups full of blacks and a few whites, whites always being attacked and ganged up on.  Thick-skinned type of thing.

Onto things of current interest.

Addler is doing well, though he has started to try to chew on things he shouldn't be chewing on.  I am very much aware of the puppyhood phase of his growth right now - which if you looked at the dog you would wonder how an animal that big could still be considered a puppy, but he's only 13 months old and in Danedom, that is still a puppy status and still very much growing to do. He is now at 128 pounds, I would be a little surprised if he doesn't reach mid 150's to 160's range.

I have him on almost constant supervision when he is in my room in the house, for I do nto want that dog chewing up things he shouldn't be. Thankfully I am there at the moment it happens and I can tell him NO firmly but still being nice cause the dog is too loveable, lol, he gets the message.  Oh, I can't chew on socks, shoes or blankets.  No damage done yet excepting a hole in a pair of tennis shoes. I have my $350 cowboy boots out of dog range, I did that form the git go knowing a Dane's propensity for chewing things when they are puppies.

New Year's Eve was home, but I was part of the festivities here.  They have close friends - they being my landlords - that come over frequently.  They brought copious amounts of alcohol.  Again and as usual, I had a few drinks but nothing even remotely close to being called drunk.  Not into that.  But it was fun, even if the guys were completely bombed out of their minds by the time it was over, they weren't acting stupid. If you get drunk and you act stupid while being in that condition, I likely won't want to be anywhere near you, for I am repulsed by that stupid kind of behavior.

I went to church tonight (Saturday) instead of tomorrow morning because I was asked to show up to help serve Communion.  They just recently started a Saturday evening service versus 3 services on Sunday morning (church has grown well beyond it's ability to seat everyone that would potentially show up at one service only).  I won't turn down an opportunity to serve in the church, even if it is short- lived. However, they informed us that next week, the Hospitality workers need more people and the leaders are going to have a short meeting after service.  I likely will show up to that to see if I can fit anything into my schedule.  Hospitality is all kinds of stuff. Setting up and tearing down for special events; visiting families with dinnner/food and helping them out with certainly functions to ease the load in cases of a tragedy (death) or someone in the hospital.  Stuff like that.  I used to do quite a lot of that in various churches, I would like to get involved in that capacity again.

Actually, the message was soooo good I may go back tomorrow as well.  I need to get myself motivated and out of this funk.  I'm sitting around trying to find a lady on dating sites and so far it's just a bunch of people that are doing nothing more than looking for sex partners.  To each his/her own, I'm into relationships.  Maybe if I just get far more involved in church I'll meet someone there? Who knows, but I am setting goals for myself - note that that is not New Year's resolutions - goals I can deal with for they don't necessarily HAVE to be done in a certain time frame excepting those kinds of things that once you start them you really have to keep with it until it's done.

This week, I am headed to Planet Fitness and force myself back into at least  3 day per week workout regiment.  There are just things that I have gotten out because of my situation with Val and her demand to have all of my time and nothing "extracirricular".  I don't really think that working out is a frivolous waste of time.  I don't really WANT to do it, either, I just have the need to lose about 20 pound right now.  I was shocked at the vet's off the other day.  Addler would NOT get on the scale and I ended up having to pick the dog up, weigh both of us and then put him down and weigh me and then subtract.  I'm at 214 pounds which is quite unnacceptable.  My eating habits are to blame - not eating enough throughout the day, starting too late in the day to eat and ending too early.  Metabolism killer.  The dog is at 128 pounds and growing.

My car is still running well - albeit numerous minor problems - I'm just trying to wait it out and save some money up.  I really do not want to take out another 401k loan.  I'm killing it by doing that even though the last loan was taken out of dire necessity.  I"ve gotten through quite a lot now without taking out loans, but I never really get ahead.  Save up a grand and have to spend it on this and that. The obvious necessity - to me anyway - is more money and I still have yet to hear back about that.  But, the holidays are over and this coming week I will ask yet again about it.

I can't think of much else.  Caleb is still in Portland so going to Phoenix is on hold til' he goes back.  My living situation remains very good - at least as far as I can tell. I dunno, I don't really think these people would just throw me out, but this is life and in life, you just never know what is going to happen.  We all get along well with each other is what I can say about it.  I spend almost equal amounts of time out "there" in their living space visiting with them and hibernating in here, my bedroom, chilling out. Addler is hilarious.  I'll have to get a video of him playing with his squeaky toy.  He throws it in the air, jumps across the room to get it, picks it up, throws it back across the room, the dog is incredibly goofy! And quite entertaining, lol.  And very clingy now.  Ever since visiting Fin and Bethany, he has been far more inclined to follow me all over the place than before we went there.  Which there is nothing wrong with that, not what I'm saying, actually he's acting much more characteristic of a Dane that wants to do nothing but follow his humans around all over the place and be involved in every single thing his humans are doing.

______________________________________

That was yesterday.  I'm considering taking Addler to a very long walking trail that appears from the overview to be in well wooded area. I am trying to find a place to take him where I can take him off of the leash and let him run. There is also a large and small dog park near the beginning of the trail.  Just not sure if I want to drive clear over there today. Kinda started looking into the a little late, it's already 1 pm, would have rather found this earlier and already had it done and over with.  There is a dog park here where I am living but it has restrictive hours.

______________________________________

More time passed. I decided to simply take Addler on a nice long walk around the various neighborhoods here. This is an older community with older houses.  Some of them are beautiful and nicely maintained, others are dilapidated and falling apart - and finding this all lumped together on any given street.  I was looking at other people's landscaping ideas, but there wasn't much going on.  Green here doesn't really work, lots of natural greenery. What is needed is the bright, bold colors of flowers or flowering plants and trees.  There was one house that had a nice floral arrangement in front of their house - it was pretty nice looking actually, but that was really the only one I saw out of hundreds of houses. Amazing more people aren't into landscaping here.

Well enough for this entry.

Here it is Christmas Day and I am here all alone, excepting for my pooch, Addler.  The folks here apparently had a change of mind and are spending the entire day at a friend's house not far away.  Considering it's 3:16 pm, I am decidely not going to cook that roast today.  They are likely eating over there and I am not going to cook that big of a feast just for myself.  It will go back into the refrigerator and cook it tomorrow or Sunday.

However, if I had known this, I would have changed my plans considerably.  I'm not necessarily wanting to spend Christmas alone.  I'm not feeling sorry for myself nor having a pity party, I'm just a people oriented person and Christmas is my favorite holiday of the entire year, it kinda sucks that I am sitting home, alone.  John Wayne movies on all day, though, that's a plus.

I'm seriously considering treating myself and pup to a La Quinta Inn overnight stay.  Yup, they take any size dog.  I know this because I have a friend that breeds Danes and she stays at La Quinta all the time, including taking a Dane to the pool!  I don't think she lets it swim, just you usually cannot leave a dog in a room unattended.  I haven't decided.

Meanwhile, I found a doggy park both here where I live and a much larger one in Longview.  I really want to get Addler off the leash onto a large plot of land where he can run freely.  No longer living on 36 acres, which I do miss but certainly not the "company" that went along with it, he is a very active dog and I would like to give him opportunity to have some free running range - that is fenced.  When I figure I can trust him to come back to me without having to chase him, then I can just take him out to public land where he can run as free as the wind.

__________________________________________________

8 hours later. lol
They came home.  Are you still going to make dinner?  Umm, well I thought you
guys would have already eaten.  It will be 7 to 8 before we eat. We'll be up. lol
Okay.  I got everything out and prepared a pretty darn good meal if I do say so myself.
After that, I went out on the front porch to enjoy beautiful weather.  That's when I was invited
over to the next door neighbor's - the Sheriff's house.  Okay, I could use some company in the
midst of gentlemen.  Sure enough, there were 3 of them out there and they were all very cool
people.

I sat out there for 3 hours cutting the bull with them and laughing it up, ended up being a
much better day in the socialization department than I could have imagined.  Well actually it was longer than that cause' it's past midnight, wayyyy past my bedtime!  No biggies, don't have to get up early tomorrow and allegedly rain's a coming.

I learned quite a bit about law enforcement social life, never really been exposed to that before.  They were smoking expensive cigars and drinking high dollar liquor.  I had a few drinks, but I stopped after a couple.  I don't need or want to drink all night long. They were drinking and drinking and drinking, but they weren't drunk.  They must drink a lot ot have that kind of tolerance.  I'm not judging them, I was happy to be in the company of some cool people having good conversation.  I just guess I didn't expect to see that.

Well, Turned into a very pleasant day.  I still like the idea of spending a day/night at La Quinta though : )

The Night before Christmas.
Not a lot going on here.
Got up late, went to several stores, got my haircut and came home.
Was messing around with Addler and the other dogs when the next
door neighbor kids come up to the fence.  Addler was getting agitated
by one of the puppies that simply won't leave him alone - until he deals
with it.  The puppy attacks him, bites him and that's when Addler digs
into the dog.  I mean, gets on top of it, pounds his paw down on it, flings
it to the ground and lets it know who's boss.  The puppy decided to try to
bite him anyway, which is when Addler - gave it right back to him.  No blood drawn, but I am not going to fault him for defending himself against a stupid dog that doesn't seem
to understand that Addler is at least 5 times bigger than the puppy and the puppy
needs to stop.

The puppy - it's not a small, it's about 50 pounds now - started howling carrying on
in fear and went whimpering off.

I gave Addler a cowhide chew bone which is when he went crazy!  I don't know WHAT
gets into that dog's mind! He started jumping and throwing it around, picking it up, jumping
- we're talking at least 5 feet up in the air - playing with this chew bone.

One of the kids came over the fence which is when Addler started misbehaving.  He has this
habit of "biting" a person's arm - taking it into his mouth and applying a little pressure to it.
It's not even close to drawing blood but it definitely got that kid running for his life!  He jumped
up on the 4 wheeler - but I got a hold of Addler by then and got it stopped.  I like messing around
with the dog but some things I just can't allow him to do for if he does it to someone else, they
are going to be terrified.  He's definitely a rough houser - when I came up to him today he jumped
up, hit me square in the chest with his right paw and just about knocked me on my @$$.

I like playing around with dogs, but I have to think about what would happen if he did that to
someone else.

Then the kids started asking to ride the 4 wheeler.  Don't care, really, but you need parent's
permission.  Dad is a county sheriff, if he says it's okay to ride around the neighborhood on a
4 wheeler then I have no problem with it. They already let them do it on a smaller one, but still.
Well, it turned into it's own event.  Neighborhood kids came over, landlady had asked them to kill
the squirrels - the dogs just bark and bark and bark at them - so, I guess for riding the 4 wheeler
they decided to take care of the squirrel population. Turns out the neighborhood kids are avid,
experienced and good hunters, having had killed both deer and pigs, but also kill squirrels.

They skin them and get the meat off of them, freeze it and wait until they have enough to feed
the entire family a meal of squirrel meat, proclaiming it tastes just like chicken.  I kinda have
a problem with just killing animals to kill them, but if they actually eat them, another story entirely.
It is an interesting place, out here.  Those kids are going hunting tonight.  Out in someone's property.
They get dropped off there and spend the entire night out there waiting on pigs.  The property owner
doesn't want the pigs around, just the deer.  They're pretty destructive animals, farmers hate them - pigs that is.

Well, after all of that was over with, I decided to try and make a cheese dip recipe I found on AllRecipes.com.  The ingredients looked like it wold make an excellent dish, however, it turned out mediocre at best.  Just not that good for what was in it.  Yes, I can follow a recipe and yes I made it exactly as the directions said to, it just didn't taste that good.  A large waste of Monterrey Jack, cream cheese and other ingredients. Oh well.  Some recipes turn out great, others you remember very well so you don't ever make it again!

Ate it anyway - well enough to satisfy my desire for some cheese dip anyway - the rest is going into
'the trash can.  Oh, and I tried to get Addler in to the vet today, but, they were closed.  His right eye is tomato red and has been for a while. I want to get whatever is needed to get that done and over with.

And then I was asked a question today. The landlady sees Valerie twice a week at her work.  That relationship has cooled considerably since the divorce.  What messages is Valerie talking about? she asks me.  No clue, what are you talking about?  She says she has gotten messages since you got divorced about something you are doing.  Ummm, not from me.  I don't talk to her at all. She is spreading some more poison about me, which isn't unexpected.  I have no connection with her at all at this point, whatever messages she is saying she is receiving? Probably total BS just designed to try and continue to get my landlady to evict me.  It's whatever.

I then got a Facebook message from a lady I have known since the 80's asking if I were going to be seeing Val for Christmas? Ummm, no, we are divorced.  Ohhh, she replies, I didn't know, she blocked me on Facebook and I don't know what's going on.  Well, she blocked just about everyone on Facebook that has anything to do with me and asked her friends and family to unfriend/block me as well.  Another non-surprising move on her part.  Which is why I have decided against giving Nathan the 4 wheeler.  I'm not giving a thousand dollars worth of a motorized toy to a person I can't even talk to.  It is still perplexing to me that her best friend still hasn't unfriended/blocked me.  I continue to "like" things on her Facebook wall to see if she just forgot.  But Val wouldn't have let her forget.  I have no idea.  Just strange to me.

So, tomorrow - a few hours from now - is Christmas and first time I'll not be spending it with any loved ones in quite a long time  I could have gone home, though, I just didn't want to go until Caleb returns from Portland.  I will have used up a large amount of vacation hours after this week's vacation and time I took last month off, so, need to keep some available to see him.  But, Wanna Get Away fare, round trip from Dallas to Phoenix - $81.  I doubt that will last long but I can't just make plans to go back without having a definitive return date for Caleb.

Vacation to Mississippi draws to a close.  A big shout out and thanks to Fin and Bethany for showing exceedingly wonderful hospitality and generosity for alowing me the privilege of staying in their home wiht my newest beloved dog, Addler. IL acquired Addler froma loving family about 5 to 6 weeks ago, he was an outside only dog.  For having only been with me for the short  time he has, I think he is doing a very good job of adapting and getting used to my ways of doing things.  His behavior on this trip was mostly very well behaved.  He hada  few lapses, but nothing too serious.

Anyway, it was nice, once again, to get away from the entire geographical region that encompasses all the memories of Valerie, her kids and everything else that went on there.  Not that I spend much time dwelling on that anyway, but getting away from there is good for the soul and heart.
I still have no sense of direction as to what to do next, I'm sorta waiting on word from work about pay raise and/or promotion, which would be an automatic pay raise.  I'm not necessariy holding out hopes to high, for it's been quite a while since I made the initial request and the GM had completely forgotten about it.  Which, frankly pissed me off at first.

Make a decision either way and give it to me.  But now, they are hoping to get the fired driver back on the payroll.  If they can do that, they won't care whether I stay or go.  He was the one released when he failed a drug test and came back positive for THC.  That's what's in marijuana that mmakes you high.  Automatic termination in our company, corporate policy.  He showed up last week with some paperwork in hand.  I didn't know our company allowed re=hire after that kind of termination, but apparently he believes so.  I am not interested in things reverting back to the way they were when he was there.  I got along well with the dude, no doubt, but he was doing things that weren't really all that great.  It was clsoing time at 4 to him, sit aorund for an hour until 5 and do nothing.

Anyway, I also got to meet Tammy - a long time internet friend started wayyyy back when when a blogging site called Journalspace existed and a bunch of us got to know each other.  Even after it crashed and went away forever, I was able to keep informed on the thigns she was doing and her kids and everything that was going on in her life.  It was pretty cool, really to finaly get to see her and catch up on old times.  She gave a standing invitation to come down and visit them and go out on their boat on the ocean for some sea fishing.  It just totally escaped me how relatively close Florida is to Mississippi even though I have driven I-10 countless times, but nothing recently.

There is a window of opportunity right now unlike any other anyone has seen in quite a long time to take a road trip for the extremely low price of fuel.  I saw it for $1.54 per gallon heading out of Mississippi today.  That opportunity is just how much longer will gas prices be this low? A month? 3 months? A year? I saw a story saying htat gas prices will likely not go back up significantly for at least 2 years.  But, "they" were completely wrong about forecasts of 5, 6 and even 7 dollar per gallon fuel that we would be experiencing right now if they had been right.  Regardless, even though I'm not the biggest fan of driving anymore, anything under a day's drive is fair game as far as I'm concerned.

Well, another 2 or so more hours and this trip will be done, be at home, Addler get to play with his friends.  I'm pretty glad that I still have 4 more days off after today before going back to work.  As for other things, I have almost convinced myself at this point that giving Nathan that 4 wheeler is not such a great idea.  I can imagine how I will feel giving away a grand worth of machinery to a person I can't even write letters to, much less text or message online.  How many people would give away something like that to someone they know but can't even have a short discussion with?  Probably not many.  Not a single person I have brought this subject up to has stated that it would be a good idea to give him teh thing, either.  So, I am going to write her after I get back and situated and let her know I am going to make plans to come and get it.  I probably won't feel too good about the 'getting it' part, but after I get it home I will be good with it.  I have no place to  use them, actually, but they are worth money and I can sell them either for or near what I paid for them. Speaking of which, the next door neighbor's son got sideswiped by a vehicle last week. No, the kid should not have been driving it on the street, at the same time, hit and run is a pretty serious offense.  I don't know what happened to the kid, his dad is a Sheriff, lol, but the driver of that vehicle frequently comes speeding through there - 45 at least in a 25 zone.  That individual lost their license because of it.

Anyway, my next vehicle is very likely going to be a truck so I may just keep them until I can haul them to the nearest place with riding trails.

Well enough for this entry.

Just a quick entry.
I had opportunity to sit down with my current manager
(versus the new one coming in whenever that is going to officially take place)
and have a "discussion".  I'm not going to sit around work and have all of these
issues unfolding before my eyes and not have anything to say about it.  First off is the
temperament - that's what I called it and though that is normally an adjective to describe
the state of a dog's or other animal's ability to get along with who or whatever - I thought
the word very fitting for the dude coming in.

Because that guy has a short fuse (this was told to me twice in the last few days by a few
people), gets angry easily, has a mouth and will yell at workers.  He AIN'T yelling at me,
not without consequences.  My manager replied saying yes, and we are talking to him about
that.  He used to be a heavy drinker but no more and he has calmed down quite a lot since
the days of his anger fits.

That did very little to reassure me and I brought up the fact that every time I say hi to the man,
he completely and utterly ignores me, and yes, he definitely hears me.  Turns his head, stares
at me and moves on.  My manager to a look on his face.  Well, he's going to HAVE to be good
with EVERYONE, he states and I can only hope that I at least got it in the mix that this guy is
a potential problem so don't be shocked if it comes back to them after these changes are officially
implemented that this kind of behavior has started to occur.

Several people indicated they would not work for him - but usually that is all talk and no action.
Especially a couple of them that would have no other job prospects if they were to try and leave.
I have a MUCH different situation, I could easily find a new job today - that would be just anyhing
I could find type of job of course, if I wanted to.  Finding a better job would take more time as I
would have to search them all out in this area and find the good ones and apply.

The second thing was the money situation.  I brought that up to him again and he said he was going
to lunch today with the general manager and he would talk to him about it.  I want to get this done
and over with - one way or the other - before the "new" manager takes over. He then went into asking
me what my goals are with the company?  Would you like to take the warehouse manager';s position when Tony retires? Of course.

Well time's up. More later when I find out more info.

Well, that was interesting.
We had a meeting at work after the day was done.
The things that were rumored - were brought out as fact.
A salesman is moving to Baton Rouge to be branch manager.
My manager is taking his position. The complete, total and all around
jerkoff purchasing officer is going to take my manager's position.
I VERY much dislike this man.  His history preceeds him.  He has
no personality.  He does not return gesstures of hi and how ya doing?
He looks at you funny but says nothing back.

The man has a temper, for one thing.  I absolutely do NOT tolerate
managers raising their voice at me or yelling.  But then again, neither does
corporate policy. Which doesn't mean anything, really. They may not condone
it but nothing would be done about it.  I am sitting here thinking of starting to
put in applications.  For the other thing that totally irked me today? The
General Manager.  Have you come to a decision on the money request?  He
looks at me blankly.  Remember we discussed a raise 2 months ago?  He had
to think about it.  Obviously, he had completely forgotten about the entire thing.

Which I find offensive.  But it's whatever.  I give up benefits to go work somewhere
else but I get more money if nothing else.  I was going to wait until after the New Year but with today's revelations I have changed my mind. Time to start looking now. This new manager has a huge chip on his shoulder and is an angry person.  He is a brown noser and two-faced - puts on a good show for his management peers but has nothing but sourness for everyone else and that, in my mind, doesn't bode well for a potential manager/employee relationship. I'm really trying to attempt to see how this could actually work out.  But he's also a micro-manager and I detest that.  I'm good with management doing what they are supposed to do, I do NOT need or WANT a pesron looking over my shoulder.

Well, whatever.  Spent a great deal of time perusing pictures and going through profiles on Plenty Of Fish. Lots of potentials, but lots of ladies that don't seem to get on to their profiles too much.  I paid for a month of it, so I'm going to try it for a month and if it doesn't pan out, moving on to Match.com.
I am so distracted by work right now.

It's Christmas time and I'm sitting here with all of this going on, freshly divorced.  Oh well.  My doggy loves me : )

How to give your dog antibiotics pills

I am writing this particular entry for those that are having a hard time getting their dogs to take whatever pills you are wanting them to take (and I would like to insert here to NEVER give your dog Tylenol/aceteminophine or aspirin for pain, only give them ibuprofen).  Mine is the easiet, most effective way to get it done and is over with in a few seconds.

There are sites all OVER the internet that tell you to hide pills in their dog food, rolled up in a piece of cheese, hidden in meat, whatever.  Dogs have a very keen sense of smell, they can smell that thing in there and more often than not either won't eat what you are attempting to hide the pill in or will "remove" the pill and then eat the treat.

The following works, every single time, without fail:  Get a hold of the dog's snout (from the top), pull up and open his mouth.  Put the pill on your fingertips and stick it as far back in his mouth as you can get it.  Then, with one finger only, push the pill all the way to the back of his mouth.  Let go of his snout, lift his head up a little and massage his throat gently.  The dog has no choice but to swallow the pill.  Actually, if you get the pill far enough in the back of his mouth, you need not do anything else, he won't be able to eject it with his tongue.

If he is able to spit it out, then you simply did not get it far enough back. I doubt I am the only person to ever have done this, but I developed this method on my own after having had enough of spending far too much time trying to trick the dog into eating pills.  This method literally only takes seconds once you get the hang of it and works every single time.

So I signed up for POF - Plenty Of Fish.

I went through hundreds of pics of ladies in this area and found maybe a dozen that stood out to me.  The amazing thing was the pics themselves.  People posting pics of their dogs (instead of themselves, not with their dog), people posting pics of entire groups of people (so who is the person that wants to date?), pics with  2 or 3 people in it (which one is the candidate?), pics with the lady hugging or touching a guy (wth, why do I want to date a person that has another guy in the pic?) and then there were pics of ladies that frank? Looked like men.  

Well, anyway.  I'll try that one for a month and if nothing comes of it, I'll try Match.com and I just remembered about Christianmingle.  They're all 30 something per month for one month and price goes down for more than one month.  

The dude here had advice for me: just go to bars and meet up with women and have one night stands, you'll find someone eventually. Rofl.  Okaaaaaay. I thought that funny.  I'm not a night club person, never have been never will be.  Picking up women at bars just not very tasteful in my mind and I am not into one night stands.  But I didn't say all of that to him, I just smiled.  

Oh, and I forgot the large number of pics with women who were actually frowning! WTH.  That'll really get the men attracted to you, have a nice, big scowl on your face. If life is THAT bad, you can be rest assured I want absolutely nothing to do with you, I just got DONE with a person like that!  NO THANKS!  I don't know what these people are thinking putting up pics like that.  Just unhappy? Hopeless that they will ever find someone?  I don't get it.  

Well it's Sunday, it's raining and I have to get ready to drive the 40 miles to church.  I haven't even attempted to start looking for a church over here and I am not convinced yet that I really should.  I need to go over to that city anyway and get into Sam's club and buy some more dog food. This animal is going through a lot of food!  I new he would, but not this much.  He's still growing is the deal, puppy - though you wouldn't look at a dog this big and your first thought being "puppy". lol.  She still hasn't revoked my Sam's club membership, though I expect she will - Val that is.  If she does I will just get my own membership.  The dog food I am buying is apparently only available at Sam's club in this area.  At least, my extensive searching has found no other stores that sell it.  And buying dog food online is not a good idea, they charge more for it and shipping.  

Well I best get to getting ready or I am not going to make it on time.

The weekend is here.  It is a very nice day outside, I'm amazed how nice the weather is
considering it's well into December.  Last year at this time, it was freeeeezing cold here
and not too much fun at work.

Speaking of work, the other driver and I were informed by our manager that the pay
raise is up in the air between the new general manger and my company's headquarters.
But I know this isn't true.  It is completely up to the discretion of the GM as to who gets
paid what according to cap limits on the particular position as set forth by corporate.
And I also know there are no cap limits for a truck driver.  I would have been making
around $24 per hour right now with the raise I would have gotten - which would have
been substantially more than the one I got over here this year, at least double.

The new driver has finally gotten enough people pissed off that he is likely going to be
let go after the New Year.  I don't disagree with that assessment. Number 1, it is impossible
to get another driver before then - even temp drivers have to go through our company's
extensive screening process and number 2, well, just a little heartless to do that at Christmastime.

Work has been irritating me though.  I clean up the pipe yard, others come in and trash it. This has been going on for a while to the point I took some pics of the alleged yard man who unloaded a pipe truck and just dumped the pipe where it doesn't belong, on top of other pipe that is different diameter or even totally different type of pipe - and left it that way.  In other words, someone HAS to come behind him and put the pipe away where it belongs, instead of him just putting it where it belongs as he is unloading the truck.  I have unloaded thousands of trucks, I know it can be done! lol.  I sent the pics to my manager, but I know it's a losing battle. He texted back thanks for showing me this, but nothing was done about it.  The manager has been working there since he was 17 - he's in his 30's now.  The yard man has been there for somewhere around 20 years.  My manager has too much emotional content involved with that yard man - the driver who wrecked the truck and did $12,000 worth of damage to the truck and over 100k of damage (totaled vehicles) to vehicles he smashed.

As per the raise and/or promotion, I just want an answer. It's been what, 2 months? Ridiculous.

I've done no Christmas shopping.  I am just buying for mom, my son and the people I am living with. I mean, I blocked my middle brother on FB.  He has no desire to have a relationship with me, unfriended me a couple of years ago and has never wanted to "re-friend", I am fed up with it. I would rather not see his posts on my mom's wall.  My oldest brother doesn't do Facebook or any other social media - I actually don't blame him - he has no desire to be with family but once per year.  Yup, once per year. He does see mom when she's up at her property though. He has a cabin down the dirt road about - 7 miles? away.  It is a uniquely strange situation to have a family that doesn't want to see each other.  I have given up on it.  And I don't feel compelled to buy Christmas presents for people that want nothing to do  with me.

So, when I take my week off for Christmas? What?  lol.  I have no plans, whatsoever. I am feeling highly umotivated. Last year I spent it with Val and 6 of her kids.  Well actually, all but 1 showed up during that day.  Now I have no-one to share it with but these folks.  As for finding a lady friend, that is likely not going to happen that fast. In fact, I am still attempting to decide which online dating service I want to try.  They all cost money and I have no idea which of them might have better results than others.  They are likely all the same, with a lot of desperate people wanting instant families and instant fathers to take care of their children and - pay for them.  They may not admit that, but it becomes quickly understood that is really all they want once you realize that they don't CARE if there is a magnetic attraction or even love, just please pay for my kids, thanks.

I had been living a life on hold because of the divorce, but the divorce is over, the damage is not undone.  I have much more to deal with internally than I initially thought.  It was so easy for her to just tune me out of her life like flipping a light switch. It is  perplexing thought that likely will stay with me the rest of my life.  Yet, that is still not going to stop me from searching.  I have a large number of people responding to my POF ad (plenty of fish) but you have to pay to see the messges.

That's it. I think I will go outside and replace the headlight bulb on my car and then go out somewhere and just relax at a restaurant or something.

It was the most involved, intricate scam I have ever been on the receiving end of.
That - being - this "lady" that we were going to go on a date on Sunday. These scammers
are using tactics that go beyond the stupid stuff that is totally obvious now.  Apparently
they have figured out we are not all dumb.  It is hard to imagine texting with a person
every day for a week or however long for extended periods to find out that they aren't
who they say they are.  The alarm bells started ringing when I asked if I could call her
and she said - she had dropped her phone in water. The phone could text, but couldn't make
calls.

Anything can happen when water enters a phone, but I had a feeling about it.  I didn't ignore
it, either.  There were small clues all along - but what happened today finally busted it open.
She said all the nice, kind words and said sadly, I cannot pay my internet bill.  I knew what was
coming before "she" (at this point, I am guessing likely a guy). "She" added to the list.  I can't
pay my phone bill.  Ohhh? How much is it going to cost you?  Well I need your help.  I am
going to lose my access to the phone if you can't help.  And on and on.

It was the Western Union game - Western Union is the bank of thieves, they can get their money
and get away with it.  Unless I personally know someone, I won't deal with Western Union.  I
tested it with "her".  When I said I would send the money to her name in her town, she replied
back that she didn't have ID and would have me send it to a "trusted friend".  Ooookay. Kept
playing.  Name of a person in San Antonio - same state but certainly not down the street and around
the corner.  I then decided to check "her" phone number.  Prefix in Minnesota.  Then checked the phone number itself.  A complaint registered on a website but no comment to say what it was.

So, she has a broken phone that won't make phone calls. A prefix from Minnesota, a friend in San Antonio to collect her money.  So what, her friend is going to drive hundreds of miles to give it to her? I then offered to bring it to her.  "She"  is a 2 hour drive away.  I don't much care about distance if it's the right person - as long as it doesn't have to be an airplane flight away, I have determined. She couldn't have me coming to see her, she allegedly can't make calls and she doesn't "like" using another person's phone to talk (I said fine, just use someone else's phone to talk to me).  I then pretended that my Western Union account wasn't working and I would have to go to Walmart and do a money gram. And since you don't have ID, I will just the pasword option - I did this with a person I know very well in Mexico not 2 months ago.  Instead of showing ID, you give them the exact passwords that the sender submits and that's it.

She didn't reply for a while and then said I didn't love her and yada yada. I had her number and I finally called her out on it in no uncertain terms and not actually too nice about it, either, considering she was willing to toy with my emotions to try to bilk money out of me.  She completely disappeared.

I actually busted out laughing while driving the semi up I-49 today when I realized what was going on.  I haven't met this person IN person yet, there were no strings attached to my heart.

Ohhh, dangit. I'm very tired and it's 15 minutes past my bedtime. Take this up this weekend.  

I walked into the courtroom - 15 minutes early allegedly - sat down and 2 minutes later the judge called her up to the bench and proclaimed I must not be there.  Apparently they had had this discussion and were waiting  Naomi had informed me that it was at 11:15, but obviously it was supposed to start at 11.  She - Val -- had an extremely fake smile plastered on her face.  I said nothing to her.  I didn't go there to get into it with her, I went to make sure that no shenanigans were going to be pulled. Not that I expected it, but you never know.  The judge recited legaleze, we agreed, he declared the marriage terminated and that was that.

I am now, officially, a divorced man, yet again. Easy divroce, no conflict, no disagreements on property, no children to deal with.  I was only gone an hour and got divorced, went to the gas station, went to the bank, another store, KFC for lunch and home.

When I walked out of the courtroom, she called my name - I was and am in no mood to talk to her - handed me an envelope with the 4 wheeler title - she has the other one for it's still over there and I haven't made up my mind about it - and then asked if I had made up my mind - which I have not.  When do you expect to? Soon. Okay, thank you and that was it.  And I assume that to BE it for the rest of our lives.  I really wanted to visit Duke's grave one last time before all of this was over with, but, too late.

I have no feelings of "freedom" like I did the first marriage.  A bit sad, actually.  Giving up as much as I did and doing what I did to marry her wasn't exactly a small thing for me.  She dismissed it - asking me what I gave up, as if nothing.

Whatever the case and not delving into that again, I have numerous decisions to make.  Stay, go.  Find a new job.  Start dating again or not.  Live here where I'm at if I do decide to stay or get my own place and rent out rooms.

I'm going to wait on any job decisions until after the New Year.  I likely going to start looking around for someone to start a relationship with.  Not positive on that one, just thinking about it.  Staying here is cool as long as they are cool with me being here, actually.  I'm just not sure I will want to stay in this region with what has happened.  I don't know how my thinking is going to be whenever I go into Longview now that we are officially divorced and thinking about all the memories - mostly bad unfortunately - and what occurred.

So, nothing has to be decided today.  They are home today as well.  Dude was told to stay home today for lack of work, she came home after finding out she has laringitis.  Don't actually remmeber how to spell that word, but if I recall correctly, it is highly contagious.  I don't realy need to be getting sick again now that I am finally just about done with the last garbage.

3 hours from now, I presume I will be a twice divorced man.
The daughter filed for a court hearing on Monday and got the
hearing scheduled for today.  How do you get a court date that fast?
And how do you get away with giving such short notice?  I was informed
that I didn't have to show up.  Lol, nice try.  Perhaps the judge will just
sign off on the paperwork - or perhaps not.  It's the tangent and possibility
of perhaps not that makes me show up to court, which is scheduled at 11:15 am.
It is also about a mile and a half away from where I live.  I took the day off
work to go deal with this, yes.  I want to hear the judge say whatever he/she
has to say about it.  If nothing, great, but I am not going to just leave it to
chance.  Not to mention she will have to be there and will be the first time
seeing her since she filed.  Yes, she ended this relationship over the internet
and I want to be there, in person, for her to have to see me even if the last
time.  Ending a marriage over the relationship?  That's just totally lame.

Other than that, everything else going as it has been. Still no word on raise or
promotion and keep forgetting to ask when I see the manager, but rest assured
I will be asking this week.  New driver still not doing very well - he knows how
to drive but he doesn't want to do anything else.  He wants us to help him pull
orders and load the truck. Well, loading trucks?  You better have that one down
yourself, bud, this isn't elemenatary school and we aren't your supervisors.  I
don't mind helping him learn, but he continues to talk as if he has never heard
any of it before, even though we have repeatedly tried to show him how to do
things.  After a while, it just plain gets old.

Addler - new pup - is doing good but he is showing some signs of aggression.
Mostly directed at one particular dog that they have here.  That dog pushes it, though,
quite a lot, nipping at him and growling.  Addler responds in kind - putting his huge
mouth around the dog's neck but not biting and growling back.  He then smacks the
dog with his giant paw and basically toys with it. I'm not a real fan of that kind of
behavior.  I think getting him neutered will help take care of this kind of stuff - I
just am going to wait until next month or even the one after to do it.  It's $300 for
the procedure.

Well the 3 hours has turned into 40 minutes.  I am only 5 minutes from the courthouse.
Nope, no parking issues, been by there dozens of times, there is ample public parking
across the street.  It's just go through the metal detector, go to 2cd story, go in the court
room, wait for judge, listen to judge, get this over with.

So, trying to find airfare home for or near Christmas - daunting.  I'm not going to spend a fortune.  If that's the case, I'll wait til' after Christmas and visit home when prices come down.  I was reading about potential cyber deals for tomorrow - Cyber Monday - if you are looking for anything cheaper than normal, please search the internet tomorrow.  You can find amazing deals.  Cheaper prices, free shipping, one day only stuff.  An article I read said that airlines don't typically advertise those kinds of fares in advance, you have to go to their sites and check on that day or sign up for their newsletter.

I don't have to be there on Christmas day to be happy.  I can be here on Christmas day and think nothing of not being home with family. The reason is simple: my family is stupid dysfunctional. The only one that really wants to see me is mom and she is quite content to see me whenever I can come.  My son is still in Portland and has not stated a return date. He is apparently liking it there very much.  Maybe he will just stay there indefinitely, who knows.  He's on an adventure in life and though he isn't really learning anything for any kind of career - I did the same thing at his age and I have absolutely no regrets.  I take that back. He has done he gen-ed courses and was studying to learn Japanese. I don't know if he's going to finish.

I did recently have an internet college student encourage me to take some online classes.  I have only considered it thus far.  If I can find classes that don't cost a fortune, yes.  But if they want 30 40 50k, they can stuff it.  How is online worth the same or even more than going to a brick and mortar building and having access to teachers in person? They will give you all kinds of answers - I have been through this process of trying to find an online college - but their answers are lame.  No buildings to pay for, upkeep, taxes, electricity, water, etc.  Well they have a home building, I guess, where their computers are located, but nothing near as grandiose as a college.  I jsut refuse to pay premium rates and get into loans for online courses.

The other option is community colleges.  Allegedly they are pretty cheap in this area - I can attest that in the Phoenix area, they are not. But then again, Phoenix and surrounding cities are college towns.  ASU is the biggest but there are a LOT more colleges there.

That is a tangent I didn't even think of going into here.  My head is still wrapped around going over to her place today.  I'm glad I haven't been over there in months now, It would have been much harder to unravel my mind and heart from all of that if  for whatever reason I had to go over there.  I don't - actually - miss her that much.  I'm not sorry to say that, not after all I've been through.  But she has a beautiful, gorgeous property.  Not anything even remotely close to being a good reason to stay in a very toxic and bad relationship, but still.  That's a property I could never afford - though property out in the wild blue yonder in the middle of nothing ness is definitely affordable.  Don't underestimate the profession I am in.  Drivers can live literally anywhere if they are OTR and can take the truck home with them.  Not interest in OTR, but could do regional.  I'm definitely not married to my current company, not at the pay scale I am at.

This has been a strange day.  It has also been raining, non-stop, all day long. I didn't care about that over there, though.  I didn't make my co-worker get out of his vehicle over there.  He wasn't dressed for the occasion, lol. He had his two young kids with him.  He has custody of them. The mom is a lunatic.  I mean, to the point of having to be hauled off to jail last weekend because she showed up to see the kids and went off on Terrance's mom.  The kid's shoes out in front of her house. I had never seen that before and it dawned on me that all of those shoes are shoes that I bought for those kids. They weren't near my stuff that was left out there.  I am perplexed by that.  Did they somehow think I wanted their shoes back?

I don't know, but we are now entering the final stage of the divorce.  It will be scheduled for a short hearing before the judge. But it's not really a hearing. The judge looks over the paperwork and - signs off on it.  The daughter eluded to me not having to show up.  Umm, no, I'll be there, thanks.  A judge has no restraints by a piece of paper worked up by consenting adults.  He/she may look at the thing and have questions.  Or, she/val could bring up something to change in the paperwork and if I"m not there? Default judgement.  I don't leave things like that up to chance.  I politely told the daughter - Naomi - that I will be there, please let me know when it is, thanks.  I don't really ever want to see Val again after the things that she has done, but I will endure it for a short period of time to ensure that nothing happens that I can't object to.

________________________________________

Sunday evening now. Started this post yesterday.  I have all kinds of thoughts running through my mind.

I spent the day cleaning - well not all day, but a lot of it.  My room, laundry, their kitchen. They had people over last night and there was a great deal of aftermath. I don't complain about it, but I wanted to cook this morning so I cleaned the entire mess up while cooking  - after cleaning off a space - and got that all done. I'm old enough to be dads to most everyone that shows up here. Which doesn't bother me, I'm just saying, it is a generational gap and though I can relate with much of it - I cannot relate with all of it. Anime for one thing.  This is Japanese version of adult cartoons.

Anyway, I still have this vision of her place when I came down the driveway and saw it for the first time in quite a while. And yes, it is DOWN a driveway.  You come up a long driveway, through a horse ranch and then over the top and back down again.  It is a very secluded place.  Anyway, those 2 4 wheelers were sitting in the grassy area in the driveway circle, faced directly at - me I guess - as I drove in. If I weren't at the mercy of the dude coming behind me to pull them out of there, I would have taken the time to visit with the cows and then go down and spend a few final moments at Duke's grave.  

There are other ways in there, that place is so far from her house and out of sight - completely out of sight that I could visit it coming from the undeveloped land beside it.  Why would you want to do that?  If you aren't a dog lover and haven't had a dog has been in your family for an extended period of time, you won't understand it. If you have, you might or might not. Duke was such a gentle spirit. I've had a lot of dogs and very good ones, but Duke was very special to me.  And others as well.  Val's babysitter that was watching the kids during the summer has numerous photos of him posted on her Facebook wall.  She explained to me that he kept her company during lonely nights - kids off to bed, Val in her room, I'm thrown out, she's a 20 something downstairs, alone, dog keeping her company.  I suspect she loved Duke as much as I did from her description of it and after seeing pics of her and him after he passed. I had no idea.

Oops, past my  bedtime. I was just getting started, actualy.  Really, I was.  Oh well.

Well.
We were supposed to meet up at 11am. But my co-worker ran into two problems.  First, his brother decided he couldn't use his trailer.  My co-worker - Terrance - said in a text "he's being a d***".  Yup, family can do that.  Nothing new under the sun. So, he ended up borrowing one of our outside salesman's trailer. But didn't know what trailer he was getting from who. Second, he was pulled over by a State Trooper for lights out on the trailer.  It was a simple fix: the pigtail connector just not on good enough.  Terrance is a pretty laid back dude, so for him to say the Trooper was treating him like a - d*** - was not surprising since some law enforcement can definitely act that way even if you are being totally respectful, but still.

He finally showed up an hour and a half late.  But that phased me not, what did phase me was when I saw that trailer.  Umm, Terrance, both of the 4 wheelers are likely not going to fit on there.  Well, maybe we can lift one up into the back of the pickup? Terrance is a big boy - but not that big.  That's a long way off the ground.  I'm not busting my balls over anything, not after what happened to me earlier this year and subsequent pain coming and going.  Infrequent and low pain, nothing like what it was when it first hit me.  I fear this going on for the rest of my life.

Regardless, we get over there, my stuff outside in a box.  I didn't have that much left over there, but I knew my satellite dish wasn't fitting into that box by itself, much less with everything else. But that was quickly located after she - the daughter - called mom.  No-one home, I didn't expect anyone there, though interesting to see all of the kid's shoes lined up outside.  Yet, the minivan was gone so I knew she was gone, the kids likely at dads house.

Brought back some - feelings - going over there. The cows recognized the sound of my car and started howling at me.  Good memory for cows.  I got out and started talking to my coworker who pulled up behind me and those cows started going crazy.  They're 300 feet off, btw, out of sight, not like they could see me.  I went into view of them and the black one just went into a non-stop litanny of screaming, mooing and howling.  Mostly a howling, screeching type of noise.  Hungry cows, I thought, not anything I can do about that, that's her department.  Both of my 4 wheelers were sitting side-by-side out front.  Nathan had this whole thing pegged long ago.  It would never work.  I saw a piece of paper in a plastic bag taped to the seat of the Honda.  I knew who it was from before I picked it up, opened it and read it.

His name isn't Nathan. It's Nathanael or he likes to go by Nate, but I called him Nathan from the get go and that is how he referred to himself in the letter.  I guess I wasn't prepared to deal with that.  No, I definitely wasn't prepared to deal with the content of the letter.  Very touching message from him and very much asking if I would give him the 4 wheeler as well.  We had discussed that - several times in the past - "if" it didn't work out between us, his mom and I that is.  He always said it would never work.  "Nothing good ever happens to us".  It threw me off kilter.

But, I still got busy. Pulled the big 4 wheeler up in there first and pretty much figured the Honda wouldn't fit.  But I tried anyway.  Nope, won't fit.  Sat there for half an hour trying to figure out a way to get that thing in there.  If I'm going to have my druthers, I'd druther have the big one.  It cost a lot more than that Honda and it is an automatic.  That thing is a beast.  I love that thing! I really don't even like riding the Honda, I got it for Nathan at the time. That was quite a while back.  It's a 5 speed manual tranny. I push gears all over the place too much at work.  I am pretty much a fan of automatic transmissions unless it is a truck/semi or a motorcycle.

We really had quite a close, tight relationship for quite a while there until he = well actually he got into teenager stuff and that is really quite normal.  It started coming back near the end.  I'll never forget the last words he spoke to me the last time I saw him: Ben, I may never see you again.  Why do you think that? Because you and mom are a very odd couple.

The reality of it is, if I could have fit that thing on that trailer, it would be here right now. But, I am very happy to have most of my stuff back - though my shop vac wasn't there - I didn't ask for it, though.  I figured she wanted to be done with me and that anything I had bought she would be dumping out there.  Actually, her memory is very, very poor, she may think she bought that thing.  I would have asked for it today as well but it totally slipped my mind. The letter from Nathan threw me for a loop.

Well, I wrote him a letter back.  Nice to hear from you, I'm sure you will do well in life, stuff like that.  I then said that I couldn't fit that thing on the trailer anyway, I would think about whether or not to give it to you and I'll get back with your sister when I decide.  I'm going to think about it for a few days and then give him a reply.  I wouldn't ride the thing, to be honest, but I could sell it for - around $900.  It needs front tires and a part to fix the rear brakes.  Other than that, it's in very good condition.  No, it's in excellent condition besides those two things. Okay the clutch, but that was there in my mail, I ordered it two months ago.

Well, that's enough for now. It's Saturday.  Dog woke me up early - as normal for that dog. He's my new alarm clock.  A cold, wet snout that big being pushed into your sleeping face at 5:30?  Wake ya up every single time!

Time to take a nap.

This blogging format is much different than the other one. Had forgotten it's nuances.
Anyway, tomorrow is, hopefully, the big day.  I was talking to a coworker about what's going on - he always asks - and he said he could get his brother to come and help him move my 4 wheelers to my new residence.  Okay, I'll take you up on that.  Numerous emails and texts later going both ways - Val's daughter and this co-worker - and we have it worked out for tomorrow morning at 11 am.  I don't care if it's raining, which it is forecast to do, I want my things back and the only things I can't bring on my own are the 4 wheelers.

I'll give kudos to the daughter for not getting personally/emotionally involved and making any kinds of "comments".  I have said nothing to her like that, either.  Keep it friendly, keep any angst out of it, let's get this over with.  I'm sure she's elated this is happening.  Which doesn't bother me.  In reality, if Val really wanted to remarry, she should be remarrying previous ex.  He is nothing like she makes him out to be.  I know this from talking to him myself, others talking to him and yet more saying that Val - brings alot of this stuff on herself and blows things way out of proportion.

But that isn't anything I am going into here, I've done enough of that already - infinitum - on this and other blogs.  Whether it's God's will or not, it's happening, she has her head set on it, it's almost a done deal.  After tomorrow and presuming this actually happens, I will sign off on the paperwork at her place - after everything is loaded into the truck and my car and I determine that nothing has been intentionally trashed, mostly directed towards my 4 wheelers. I won't go further with that thought, I am hopeful they are still in the same condition as when I last saw them months ago.

Thanksgiving was quite wonderful, changing the subject.  I was fortunate that they invited me - they being my landlords - to their feast along with their friends.  I visited with them all the entire time they were here, enjoyed very good food and was thankful I wasn't alone for that particular holiday.  I was also thankful that my middle brother didn't leave my mom alone for the holiday - he went over and helped cook Thanksgiving dinner and spent it with her.

I don't know about Christmas. Will be a very different Christmas than last year, when I was going around having fun finding presents for everyone and generally attempting to enjoy the season regardless of one particular individual that takes no or very little joy in any celebration, even her own birthday.  I have mixed feelings about it - but it is what it is and the course is - well almost unchangeable.  Anything could happen, but for my part, this relationship is completely over with, just the formality of the legal process to get it officially over with.

I don't even known what I am doing for Christmas.  Air travel during these 2 holidays isn't cheap.  I wouldn't actually expect it to be.  I just wish it wasn't so far, I could drive there.  You just aren't going to drive 1,200 plus miles in one day.  I might could make 1,000, but 1,200 is absolutely too much. Ive done more than that in a truck and I was hating life at the ends of those trips.  Trying to stay awake and get the miles behind you.  Anything over a day's drive makes it undoable.  More time on the road than spent with those you are going to visit. Well, I could do one of those week off things and have enough time to spend.  I don't know, but I am not considering doing that for Christmas.  Just too much.  I will likely be dealing with thoughts of last Christmas and a failed relationship , as much as I don't want to do that, driving just gives even more time to dwell on such things.

I still affirm, though, that I am ready to start dating whenever the court says this is a done deal.

I did go to Walmart last night, but not until after the  initial madness was over.  I wanted to get Christmas lights and ornaments, but the line to get into that area was well over 100 people long.  They wouldn't let me in there to look at lights - I had no interest in the electronics that everyone was wanting and that was the line was for, not for lights and ornaments.  I gave up on that idea and eventually found some nice winter, long sleeve shirts on huge mark down and socks as well.  There were 5 cop cars parking in front of the store and even more patrolling the parking lot and adjacent areas.  Small town.  It is entertaining to watch people yelling at each other, running into each other and everything else that goes into a Walmart sale such as this.

Anyway, I went into work this morning, no-one was there. I wondered if they had changed their minds about opening up shop. The new driver showed up 15 minutes later and then? No-one for another hour after that.  The manager showed up, sent the new driver home, had me pull an order for Monday and the yard man - swept floors.  At 11 am, he sent us home.  Now, I get paid for a full day and I knew they would be closing shop early.  That's why I went into work this morning, so I wouldn't lose another day's worth of vacation hours since I'm taking a week off coming Christmas week.

After work, I went to Home Depot and found much better pricing on one day sale/Black Friday than Walmart had. I didn't spent that much, I just wanted lights and the crowd was light.  Down the street, Family Dollar had a package deal of ornaments, got that for 5 bucks and then headed home.  Visited Addler for a while, then off to Lowe's - got a 3-1/2 foot Christmas tree, put the lights on it and then? Forgot that you have to buy the hooks for the ornaments, lol.  Maybe tomorrow after getting my stuff back. Actually, landlords might have some.

I did buy myself a Christmas present today. Online sale.  A 20 inch desktop computer monitor for $59. That's an awesome deal. The one I am currently using black out frequently and was going to buy one off of Craigslist. But, can't go wrong with Newegg.com.  I'm going to buy my mom, maybe my brothers and probably my landlords a present this year and that's the end of it.  Last year was a far more extensive list.  I bought something for 7 out of 9 of her kids and her as well.

Oh, got some 99 cent Poinsettas at Home Depot today as well.  I mean, you aren't going to find them at that price even at Christmas when they are trying to get rid of them.  One day sale on those.

I'm very hopeful about getting my stuff back.  4 wheelers can be ridden in this neighborhood.  I dunno if legally or not. Next door neighbor is a Sheriff deputy and his kid is riding their 4 wheeler around here all the time.  Not that this is a good place to ride them, but a joy ride once in the while? Yeah.

Divorce won't be done - through the courts that is - til' after Christmas. And then, I will have some decisions to make.  Much of that will depend on what my company says either about the promotion or the pay raise.  Though I am about giving up hope on either of those.  It's been quite a while and no word back.  That isn't exactly a good sign - the other driver wasn't given an answer either. Actually, that's pretty lame.  Other driver is training to get his CDL A and then he's going to quit.  He's young.  I ain't young, though I have more options with as much driving experience as I do.  Just the idea of starting from scratch with a new company, gag.  I keep holding out hope they will up the ante, but something in me tells me that isn't going to happen.

Well, enough.  My tree is up and full of lights! I just wish I had remembered to get hooks to hang my ornaments!

Well.
I found more fencing, but it's soooo far away, just doesn't seem worth driving that far for it - though the price is fractional of what you would normally pay for it.  I mean, 10 cents on the dollar type of fractional.  Not really much else I am going to do back there until I get this resolved, so I am really kinda trying to ramp this up and see if I can find something a bit closer.

They are gone for the weekend - which really doesn't change much of anything for me, won't be doing anything different than I normally would.  Cept' cleaning up after Addler.  He has decided that crapping on the cement is a fine place to go doo-doo.  Silly dog. Oh well, the stuff has to be cleaned up regardless of where he does it, just a lot less visible and mess to clean up in the grass.  Likely he started doing that because of the rain, but rest assured, once a dog finds a place in a yard they like to do it? It will stay that way forever no matter how hard you try to get them to do it elsewhere. Ample experience in that department, a fruitless waste of time to even try.

I was going to take him for a walk today, but my outing to the hair salon and then Walmart nixed that.  I wasn't even doing that much and I was getting winded. Still sick, just gonna take it easy, the dog will live without it until I get better.  I did get my little space heater - that bathroom is cold in the morning and we aren't even close to what it's going to be like this winter.  Found thermals - finally - at Walmart and got what I needed of that as well.  I'm pretty much set for winter at work now.  Thinsulate caps, waterproof boots, thermals, thermal sweater, alpaca socks, just bought a camo overall at work - it's very heavy, very thick.  Work coats, gloves, not much else I can think of.  I am not good for being at work and getting wet and cold and having wet feet all day long.

But I am growing more and more weary of this workplace.  The other driver and I pretty much unloaded on the manager - in a nice way of course - about the "new" driver.  He is lazy, just wants to sit behind the wheel of a truck all day long.  He hates working in the yard and has made that unendingly clear - to us anyway - he keeps that s*** zipped around management.  No matter, management knows. He is still a temp driver and I hope they get rid of him and try someone else.

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Well this is moving right along. She apparently must think divorcing a person after 5 months of marriage is - somehow - normal and shouldn't be a big deal? Val, that is.  At some point, I do intend on addressing - via email since that's the only way she will even respond to me - the totally lame way she ended this relationship.  Taking my stuff here - now called home - without telling me and then down the road, ending it by sending me copies of the divorce papers via email. There was no, Ben, I want to end this relationship - usually done in person, certainly concerning a marriage.  In fact, there was never any of that. It was just here's the divorce papers, here we go.

In any case, her daughter has the papers finalized and asked me if I wanted to see it via email or just read it when she gets here?  Ummm, yeah, nano-second's worth of thought: email it to me for I am going to read it all over.  If there is some legaleze in there that I don't understand, you can be rest assured I will fully understand it before any signing off occurs.

I will be looking for a female friend - and a friend only to start - pretty much right after this an official decree is made.  Why? Because I desire that kind of relationship.  Because now I won't allow myself to get dragged into an unhealthy one.  I went the full route with this one because that's what I came out here for.  It may be faulted reasoning, so be-it.  I came out here to marry her, I certainly had no other business to transact here.  I never even heard of Longview, TX before she came along.

Enough for now. Awaiting her (daughter's) reply.  The "Final Decree" is just another form.  Apparently Texas just does forms for doing divorces.  I'm glad I didn't pay a lawyer, this is all very simple and very easy to understand. I approved the decree, the only other thing - for now - that I have to do is sign off on it ... and....she has to bring over my stuff.  That is not debatable.

What do you do with a relationship where the other party find very little to nothing good about much of anything you say or do?  Get out of it.  Was just thinking about all of this nonsense today.  I may have to give a judge an answer - if asked about why this is happening - and I need to be sure to come up with a good one.  There is no man on the face of this planet that could ever fulfill all of her demands, I know this for a fact.  I continue to remind myself of this and many other things about what happened between us, over and over.  For likely, I am being extremely negatively talked about in her "circles" - which aren't big and likely being blamed for all of her current woes in her freedom group at church.  I know how she talks about her ex and about her kids when they leave and how she is generally.  I've actually not been talking about her hardly at all to anyone, not even the people here at the house I am living at.

I don't need to defend myself and anyone that knows her already understands.

The weekend is here.  I am still not feeling very well.  I will likely do a few things around here just because I want to - but anything that takes a lot of energy? No thanks. That will just make me start hacking and coughing and extending the length of this illness.  I am, actually, still looking for fencing for the back yard.  I found some not too long ago but I never got an answer, even after I changed my "bid" to simply agreeing to pay the full price they were asking.  It was enough fencing to do - far more than I needed.  There just aren't many options in this area.  Either pay full price for the materials or continue to search and hopefully find something.  I just don't want to drive to Dallas/Forth Worth area for it.  But eventually? I will if it comes down to it.  For the project is on hold indefinitely until a fence is erected around the desired improvement area.

And I'm not leaving Addler out of the fault here. He is a giant, goofy, clumsy Great Dane. He would likely do as much damage to any beautification area as any of the rest of the dogs.  He hasn't done anything yet - but the other dogs have pretty much taken care of everything.

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Well lookitthat.  I just received, while writing this entry an email from her oldest daughter.  She writes "I'm doing the divorce decree for y'all" and so forth - speaking as  if it were some trivial matter.  But whatever.  She asks for information to get this thing over and done with.  All fine and well, and I gave her most of it, but, I flatly stated that I will not agree to signing off on anything until she lets me come and get my stuff back.  I will go before a judge before I sign off on what - just letting her have my stuff?  SCREW THAT.

Well there have been numerous emails now, as I got sidetracked from this entry - which happens pretty much every time I start writing one - and she started emailing me back.  Basically, she writes up the decree, brings it over here with my stuff including my 4 wheelers and I sign off on it, walaah, done deal.  I guess.  Judge still has to sign off on it, but she does work for a law office at least. I want this done soon.  I told her I was tempted to just come get my 4 wheelers regardless. I'm afraid they are going to destroy them intentionally. At least this one is remaining neutral.

Whatever.  I'll get her the info tomorrow - I plain don't feel like it tonight, have to dig out VIN for my car.  She is going to be informed before she comes over here that I will be reading every single, last word of whatever she is bringing for me to sign and if I don't agree with any portion of it, I will summarily reject the entire document.  Prudence dictates - at least for her - that she simply send me the text via email beforehand. But whatever.  We're taking steps in the "right" direction, I guess, in getting this over with.

Enough.  I'm tired, time to get some rest.

I got to work this morning, realized there wasn't going to be any runs for me to go on and immediately wanted to go home.  I was totally out of it.  But I got busy with some stuff that - I had organized 2 weeks ago and the alleged yard man simply trashed since then. The warehouse manager asked me to pleeeeasse go out and clear that area up.  Dude, I JUST cleaned that up 2 weeks ago.  There isn't any good reason for it to be like that already.  Noooo - in his extremely deep-throated voice normal for him  - there isn't.  

I didn't argue with him, just went over there and cleaned it all up and reorganized the entire mess - again.  There is speculation the yard man is going to lose his job.  I don't really wish that upon him, but, at the same time?  He is totally sucking at what he is supposed to be doing and we aren't talking an extremely difficult job.  He likes to play on his phone, sleep, take off on personal errands and flap his lips in the main office with certain individuals more than he likes to - work.  

It was just non-stop garbage all day long. Doing the stuff the "yard man" "refuses" to do.  Which is most everything that he is supposed to be doing.  He's out for the week on vacation.  I proceeded to clean up the pipe yard for the - 500th? - time, including hauling a bunch of a certain type of pipe out of that yard to the new yard next to the main yard - which is across the street.  I loaded it all on the semi.  Once over there? I got the fork lift stuck. We are talking a huge forklift with HUGE front tires that have giant knobs on them for traction.  I thought it was funny.  I got it stuck, so I backed the semi trailer up to it, hooked a chain to both frames, found the other driver and got to cranking.  Tires spinning, I actually had to engage the interaxle lock to get that forklift out of that mudhole!

The day went like that - ALLLLLLLL day long. I was SO worn out by the time it was over, I barely made it home. I just wanted to stop on the side of the highway and go to sleep.  I'm totally serious. I'm forcing myself to stay up until at least 8:30.    

That's it. Just about passed out on the floor after I got done there to play with Addler.  

I had til' Friday to file a reply.  The rules state the third Monday after the papers are served and
Monday is the third, so I guess Monday but I don''t play games with stuff like that.  I am not going to have a "default" judgement against me considering the high stakes of her debt on the line here. Not that she is going to try to dump me with that.

Of course, that meant filling out the paperwork, finding a place to get copies of it made, going to the courthouse and filing it and then stopping at the post office to send her a copy as mandated by the court.  It's pouring rain outside and has been all day.  I'm still feeling quite bad and doing this wasn't exactly something I wanted to do, but I plan on going back to work tomorrow unless I just can't do it and that means I have to do this while I have time off.

The pleasant surprise was when I got my wallet out to pay to enter my reply.  Umm, no dear, it doesn't cost anything, did you bring any copies? Uhh, yes, I have 3 copies here.  Okay, well let me sign off on those and file your paperwork and that's it dear.  I had expected to have to pay the same amount she paid ot file - which was almost $300.  I'm not complaining, obviously.  Well I remember it costing hundreds of dollars to reply when my "first" ex filed for divorce in Phoenix.

Well, my celebration was to go get something to eat - though I had planned on that anyway because I simply do not feel like cooking.  I dont' feel like doing anything.  I have very little energy.  This is a head and chest cold. It isn't allergies, it's a full blown cold with the junk going on in my lungs to make it far worse.

I left Addler outside during all of this - he won't be in the house when I'm not here.  Albeit it it is pouring rain, the rear porch is covered and there is a huge carport in the rear that is also covered. If the dogs don't want to get wet - they won't.  He was lightly moist on his fur but no wetness on his paws.  I have been lucky so far. For not being a house-broken dog, he hasn't done anything in the house so far.

I was going to get a much needed haircut, but I figured they wouldn't appreciate a sick person carrying germs in there and potentially getting everyone sick, so I went home instead.

I just remembered that I bought a bunch of Christmas lights last year and decorated her living room with them.  I won't be asking for them back - though I doubt they will get used this year since she is not big into celebrating holidays.  All of the celebration was my idea and my effort.  The kids loved it, she acted like she liked it.  As almost everything I tried to do to make life happier around there, it failed in her eyes after coming out later on.
____________________________________

Well, afternoon gone, evening here. Attempting to decide whether to go to work tomorrow.
Dunno.  Think I'll just decide that in the morning.  Getting up has been exceedingly difficult and haven't been doing so until around 9.  It seems the steroid shot is working for the cough, but the rest of me still feels like junk.
Meanwhile, Addler - who would rather be in here with me but he's a dog and a large one at that and needs to spend quality time outdoors - let me know for the first time that he needed to go. I mean, I was guessing that was what he was saying.  He speaks to me, lol.  It's pretty comical.  Anyway, got him outside and the first thing he did was pee and then found an appropriate place by his standards and dumped as well. Good doggy!  I spent some time out there playing with him and other dogs until I started coughing profusely and dumped that idea, heading back indoors.

I can say right now that I have NO desire to go to work tomorrow.  But I can't stay away forever.  perhaps show up, get anything done that needs it and head home early. I've done that before.  The new driver apparently showed up for work - very late today.  I know this because the other driver is always texting me now. In fact, we met at Chili's down the road on Sunday.

Well, wait and see - divorce that is.  Filed my reply and now need to sit and read through a large amount of material issued by the Texas Bar and see what they have to say about it.  It's advice for persons that are doing it without a lawyer.

_____________________

Monday Morning
Addler woke me up 3 times last night - checking on me.  Even
so, hits jitters are beginning to calm down - though I suspect after today that may ramp up a bit. I got up 20 minutes earlier than normal, let hiim out, filled up his food bowl, took a shower, let him back in where he proceeded to devour the entire bowl of food.  Dog was prancing around like a stallion. Definitely a lot of puppy left in him, lol.  Nice to get a younger dog though instead of one whose life is already half or more gone by virtue of age.

Anyway, this is day 4 of having the dog and also the first day of leaving him for 11 hours or so home alone while at work.  There are 3 other dogs there but he could care less about them and basiically ignores them unless in a playful mood - but the 2 puppies are terrified of him.  Addler is definitely a human person, he wants to be around us'ins all the time.  So, sort of going to get home later on today and wonder what it's going to be like, lol.

I am still not feeling all that great but decided that I didn't wannt to take any mmore time off of work.  Well, SHTF when I got there, not because of me, but because the new inside salesman left the warehouse door proped wide open - all night long.  The warehouse manager left early yesterday and instructed him to make sure the entire place was locked up, inncluding closing that door.  The dude was getting flustered and getting mad that the other driver had said thatl this dude had seen the door, walked right by it and left without closing it.  The warehouse manager was all OVER his case abouut it, but this dude refused to take responsibility.

The biggest problem with that whole place is the manager.  He is a nice guy - too nice - he doesnt like confrontation and has a hard time telling people like ti is or should be.  So these peoplee get away with all kinds of stuff because of  it.  Well, the purchasing agent showed up - he has an office elsewhere but sometimes shows up to work at our branch - and booted this inside salesman off of his desk and took it over, lol.    That inside salesman is lazy - he and the other insde salesman are seen playing on their phones all the time.

I'm getting tired of the place.  I am still waiting for an answer on promotion and on raise.  Im thinking of starting to look around this week online and start filling out applications.  I'm not going to continue to work my ass off for a manager/ment that wants mme to do the work of 2 people or more while several lazy people are making the same money and screw off all the time.  I'm just tired of it.

Well enough.  At least I got a nice, long run inn the pickup truck today.

Vet visit.

2 ladies at the front were trying to finish a conversation when I came in there. "Oh that is a very big dog, I didn't expec that".  Well, they didn't ask what breed of dog he was when I called them.  They weren't complaining - I don't think anyway - and Addler behaved himself swimmingly the entire visit.  Okay, he didn't want to comply with standing or sitting on the scale - we had to try two separate times, but I consider that a nothing issue.  He currently weights 119 pounds.  I figued it was 100 to 110 so I was a bit off on that one.  But I'm not a scale, either, lol.

They gave him all shots that bring him up to date for his age and took swab off rear end and found worms.  No heartworms though, which is very good.  Easy enough to get rid of those intestinal worms, already have him on that medicine.  It's going to take a bit of time - maybe quite a bit - to get this dog indoctrinated into my ways of doing things.  I like instant obedience. Sit! means sit down right now.  Stay - means stay regardless of what is going on around you.  Come - means come to me right now - not look around or dance here and there. He is completely untrained and this is going to be quite the challenge. But - he has learned sit so far, so I know he's trainable.  He hasn't learned stay, lol, he sits, looks at me and then gets up and starts poking his giant muzzle into everything.

I'll have paitence with him for he doesn't know any better and was never trained to know any better. I'm not saying his former owners were bad dog owners, they just deemed him an outside dog and that, apparently,  meant no training.  You would, however, think that he would at least know to come when someone yells his name.  he doesn't.  I personally believe in both leash training and non leash training.  I shouldn't have to have a leash on him to make him come.  So I'm not doing that - yet.  I will if it comes down to it and then wean him off of it, but I would rather just have him learn my ways of doing things.  A large dog needs to be trained.  Even IF non-violent, he can do some damage if he doesn't listen when it's necessary for him to.  

Day is over as far as running around.  I brought him home from vets and went right back out to pharmacy to get my meds.  I don't yet trust him in a car alone.  I think he will probably go crazy and tear things up.  Leave that for a time - in the future - to try.  Leave the car, pretend to go inside and then hide and watch.  

============================

Now let's talk about Obama and this pathetic drive to now introduce 100,000 refugees. The more I watch of him, hillary and others and THEN to hear Obama's OWN head of homeland security making statements that defy Obama's move on this issue - it's a wonder we aren't attacked right now.  It's like he WANTS to allow terrorists into this nation.  I'm quite sick of his politics - to the point of compromising our own nation's safety? But I have talked myself out on FB groups and just making a few observations here.  If you are going to feel safe when all these unknowns come in here - then you have your head stuck in the sand.  I don't trust these people and I don't want them just pouring into our nation. We have ENOUGH problems already, who is going to pay for all of this?  That was a rhetorical question.