Near Tulsa, Oklahoma.  Using my new computer. Actually, it's probably more of a notebook. Much smaller than my other laptop and much easier to carry around.  I'll probably get a remote keyboard for it and just keep it in the truck.  Maybe.  I mean, I think I can get used to this job, but I'm on probation for 90 days I think it is.  I don't know of any trucking companies that don't have a probation period.  Basically, if you screw up, you are toast.

Anyway, I just got "here".  Here, being a QuikTrip convenience store. I was looking on the map, the destination is 28 miles from here and is literally out in the middle of nowhere.  I was afraid that if I drove there, there wouldn't be any place to park.  I asked a local truck driver that was parked here as well if he knew of any places up there, he said not at all.  There aren't any.  Well I'm stuck here til 7:00 am and it's only 7:00 PM right now.  So, I'm well out of the way at this convenience store, off to the side of it, at an entrance that not a single car has used since I parked here, out of view of the front of the store, hopefully they won't mind this giant tanker truck sitting here with 10000 gallons of cryogenics that is highly volatile parked here lololol.

Well I don't know exactly how many gallons, but this truck is loaded right at 80,000 pounds. The company mandates that you fill it up to the maximum. That's nice, but we don't load the trucks so I don't worry about that.  However.  I pulled into a weigh station today.  They told me to pull over and bring in my paperwork.  I brought in half of it, forgetting the other half.  The half I brought in was the hazmat stuff.  I completely spaced the registration and related stuff.  So, back out to the truck, pull out 3 packets and back in there. I have never seen so much paperwork for one truck in my entire life until I entered this world of hazmat.  I'm not complaining, per se, but I haven't been doing this long and it's easy to overlook a piece of paper that you need.  I really have to think about all of this - for now. If I'm with this for any length of time, it will become second nature.

I'm really just getting my mind into this place being "the" place for a while.  It's a 2 year old truck - tho they won't have us in these things too long, they don't want to pay the rental contract.  Much cheaper and the trucks are set up the way they want them to be to have their own.  I am not holding my breath on that, tho, not after everything else. And also not after seeing how long it took for corporate to get us trucks at Ferguson.  6 to 8 months.  I don't really care now.  I have a new mattress in here and the cigarette smell is all but gone. Still a bit, but I but 2 more of the smelly trees in here and it's pretty nice now.  Just was so disgusting sleeping on that other mattress.  Gross, actually. I would literally feel more comfortable sleeping on the ground outside than sleeping on that nasty thing.

Okay, I don't have a power inverter yet so I want to finish this entry and post it before this computer runs out of power.  I keep getting distracted with people texting me lol.  Anyway, the wind is absolutely howling out here.  Truck is getting rocked back and forth. Kinda glad I'm not driving in this, this just started a while ago after I got here.  I'll be spending a while getting used to the nuances and dangers of driving loaded tanker trailers. I'll tell ya one thing, if I'm on an exit ramp that is like a cloverleaf and it says 20 mph, I'm going 15 mph or less.  I'm terrified of rolling over a tanker. I've seen it happen far too many times.  The outcome is never good.

well I need to get stuff done here, gonna end this one short.

Home.  Midnight. 
I knew this morning when I started I wouldn't be home til' late.  It takes that plant that I have been to twice now 4 hours to unload the truck. They're not in any hurry.  It's whatever to me, I get paid to stand there and watch them, or go sit in the truck and go snooze, or read or whatever.  Between the load plant and the unload plant I have 8 hours of detention pay, plus 4 stop pays, plus mileage.  That trip was worth at least $750 for a day and a half work. 

Well, when I finally got out of that place, I decided to push myself to get home tonight.  I wanted to have a full day off before going out again Monday.  But, I ran into fuel card trouble again. I hate Petro truck stops. Just because of the issues I've always had with trying to use fuel cards at them.  But that is the company they want us to use. Well, after running into that today, the first Love's I saw after that? I stopped there and walaah. No problems at all.  Excepting the company has a dollar limit on how much fuel you can put in because apparently there were theft problems. 

I need to stop for a minute and think. My mind is all over the place.  Money, Christmas, mom, the house, here, dogs, this that and the other thing.  Oh yeah! A Christmas tree!  Need to get one tomorrow if I"m not out of it.  I won't be going to bed until around 1:30 or 2:00 am, I just can't come home and go straight to sleep. Doesn't work that way for me. I have to wind down, let everything settle, get back into the groove of being home and then, fatigue will hit me and I will fall right asleep.  I'm tempted to put the dogs out for a few minutes so they aren't waking me up early to go out.  Good idea!

Okay, well, not much new going on in my life.  Besides this new job, of course. Which is good because this job is really taxing me.  I know if I stick with it I will eventually get this all down, but the amount of "stuff" that has to be done on any given trip is amazing.  Far more paperwork and minutia than any other job I've had.  If the pay weren't so good, it definitely wouldn't be worth it.  I'm just going with the flow here.  Learning how to use the truck's coils to turn liquid into vapor to pressurize the tank should be interesting. In fact, learning how to unload the truck period should be interesting. 

I have been asking a lot of questions, the dude at the plant where the ethylene is loaded into the truck knows more than anyone I talk to and he is way too willing to impart that knowledge, so my 2 times there so far have been filled with endless questions.  I can tell ya, if I were the dude that was running that orientation? All this time wasted on junk that has zero relevance to the position would be scaled way back and actual knowledge of how to do your job, including the literal nuts and bolts of it, would actually be taught. 

Well today I finally found out what those coils under the the trailer do. If you are unloading instead of a plant unloading, you have to pressurize the trailer's tank to force the liquid out of the tube into the plant.  Well, this stuff will turn to vapor at 120 below zero.  Vapor creates pressure.  You open a valve, the liquid goes through the coils, which heats it up and causes the liquid to turn into vapor, which pressurizes the tank, which forces the liquid out of the tubes.  Well, the chambers I guess.

Yes, I freely admit to these people at these plants that I have absolutely no clue what I am doing. I had to have the dude at the loading plant show me the valve to turn on in case the pressure gets too high while driving down the road.  I've been warned 6 ways from Sunday not to allow the pressure relief valves to open while driving down the road. I mean, from at least 5 people.  Yet they wouldn't give me the time of day to go show how that is done. Instead, this dude at the Eastman plant showed me the valve to open and how much pressure to vent out and yes, get away from people. Get away from everything.  Why? Because a cigarette thrown out of a car window could ignite the stuff and send me to eternity. 

I'll tell ya now, I'm more concerned about rollovers than blowups and ice ages.  This tanker business is freaky to me. It always has been, yet at the same time, I've always wanted to do it.

Anyway, it's really late. The business of driving trucks that is not confined to a "local" run type of thing is pretty interesting. 

So, I got stuck in another ex-smoker's truck.  Unbelievable.  I mean, this is worse than the last truck.  The bed mattress is filthy and it has cigarette burns in it! Lots of them.  This rental company didn't bother to clean the thing out, they just turned it around and let us have it.  I would have waited for them to clean the unit out, regardless of how long it took.  Seriously, I would have. How could they send it back out with a mattress looking like that?  I can tell ya: they didn't bother to look.

Anyway.  I called Ann - my manager - this morning asking several questions.  We got into a discussion about the fuel card - that the company could never get working.  She said that they told her today that they had fixed the problem. Turns out all 3 of us new drivers had the exact same problem - fuel card not working, eventually had to have an electronic check sent to the truckstop to put fuel in the trucks. 

She tells me she has loads for me to take out, but wants to make sure that the fuel card works before anything else happens. Agreed.  So, I drove in today on my own dime.  Took the truck to a local fuel station, card worked!  Got back to the shop, showed her all the paperwork. Is this right? And this?  A couple of things I didn't have right, not bad in my mind considering the volume of paperwork for each trip. 

After that, out to ask the mechanic about one of those brand new mattresses sitting there.  I'll have to call the rental company first before you can take one of those, he replied.  Back to the office, dealing with more paperwork, back out to the mechanic, did you get a reply? He went straight to his office, called them. They'll order one but it won't be today.  Okay, you can take one of those then until they bring one.  I dragged that mattress out of that truck and once in fresh air, figured out why that truck stinks so badly and why the truck in last company stunk so bad: the mattress literally smelled like an ashtray.  I was very happy to get a brand new mattress in there. I left the truck with the windows wide open and the vents open. \

However, while i was in the shop getting a mattress, the 2cd most tenured driver walked through the shop.  Hey, I have a question for you. I was asking since this guy is on the list of people I can call if I need help.  Do you weigh the axles somewhere other than that scale at the plant?  He explains in very muddy terms that I didn't understand.  I understood fully after his second explanation and him shaking his head at me, as if I'm new to trucking altogether: YOU don't get it. I have been doing this for so long, I KNOW when it's right or not.

Shrugged it off. Don't figure to call him with questions, I thought.  Well, after I got the new mattress in the truck, I remembered something else I needed to ask the manager.  I walked in on him bitching at her about us new people getting paid more than he is even though he's been there for umpteen years.  I listened to this for 45 minutes, waiting my turn in a room away from them but the door was open and I could hear everything they were saying. 

He may have had a valid complaint, but the way he was going about it proved he's just an ass.  He's pissed because he didn't get the safety position.  But I heard him going off a few times back that i was there.  He doesn't do the internet, he didn't know it was available for openings because he doesn't want to do that "shit".  Whatever dude.  Grumpy old man. Retire, go find something fun to do. If you've been doing this job that long, you should have some money saved up. In a perfect world anyway.  Oh yeah, I listen.  I listen to people a lot.  They may not even know I'm listening. By his own words, he is 4 to 5 years off from retiring. 

Anyway.  I have another run to the same place I was at 1st run. This is a gravy run - sans the fuel card fiasco - sans means without btw.

Oh, yes, I also volunteered for Canada runs. She wasn't asking, she just said something about Canada.  Oh yea? I have a passport, love to put it to use some day.  Turns out this company goes all over the US, including California.  I wouldn't mind an occasional run long distance.  Great money, see some sights I haven't seen in decades, getting more used to the road, something I didn't think would ever happen after working local all those years.  No, I don't want to be on the road all the time, I need home time, but the negative aspects are becoming a bit less of a fuss for me.

Oh, and this rental trucks? Beautiful Peterbilt, 2015 model, thought it was 2016 at first. It's got 300k miles on it,  but the exterior is in perfect condition.  I'll have to take a few pics of it. Just the interior that has been abused.  I don't get truck drivers not take caring of the inside of a vehicle that they spend so much time in. If I actually get a brand new truck as they say I am getting - versus a more tenured driver taking one - it will be the first time in my life.  I always get old trucks. But, old in this fleet means a few years, more than good enough for me if it comes to someone else getting a new truck and me going into their "old" one.

It got colder here, so upon arriving home, I built a fire in the pit.  Lovely new red oak burns great.  Sat out there for several hours. 

Tomorrow's mission: get some sheets for the truck. I bought same sized sheets for the previous truck, but when I quit, I couldn't take them. I had my suitcase stuffed  I also left behind my pillows. They were cheap, very cheap.  I didn't know if I was going to stay there at the time and I'm glad I didn't dump a bunch of money into stuff that I couldn't take back with me. 

Anyway, that's enough for now. 

 Yesterday morning. 5:00 am. Up, shower, dogs out, coffee, etc etc. 
Get on the road, get to work.  Lots of new questions formed in my mind.
I get there, unload my car into the truck, back the truck under the trailer,
check out everything, get out of there. Late tho.  I should have arrived there earlier.

I get to the plant, watch the video, take the test, take the sheet out front with the answers on it.
And then?  An alarm goes off, Just like one of the alarms in the 15 minute video they make
everyone watch.  They shut down the plant, I can't go in, neither can anyone else.  A chemical
spill of some sort. 

After that was over, go weigh the truck.  Then off to the part of the plant where the truck is actually loaded. Well, they were way behind.  The plant shut down and the fact that the first driver was there late caused me to sit and wait. Not that I cared about that, but even with my late arrival, it was meaningless.  I got introduced to the world of Ethylene by Lance, the dude that fills the trucks up with it.  It was a interesting and elongated conversation, for I had many questions for him about what the places we go to actually do with this stuff. Many use it to cool other chemicals, such as LNG when it is loaded onto ships. 

I found it amazing that the volatile properties of the chemical isn't really used, it's the fact that is stands at 120 to 140 below - depending on who you talk to - that is of interest to these manufacturers. 

Well, the dreaded moment finally came.  I have never pulled a tanker trailer in my life.  I have never pulled a tanker trailer full of volatile, explosive content. I have never pulled a trailer that has content that can make you the Ice Man in a matter of seconds.  I was obsessed, yesterday, with these thoughts.  You ever see a tanker trailer going abysmally slow in a sharp turn?  Irritating to everyone stuck behind it, but there is a reason for it.  High center of gravity and liquid sloshing up the sides of the walls of the tube in the trailer.  Rollover, in other words. I spent the day obsessed with that idea in my mind. 

I mean, like to the point that I wasn't really thinking of anything else.  I have seen far too many tankers rolled off the side of the road and it's usually in sharp turns. 

Welp, I got several calls for my manager.  Where are you now? She was being nice, but the customer was pushing her.  Appears they were almost out of ethylene and they had just restarted this plant.  They had made a call for a load last week but then said no.  And now? They needed it desperately  I mean, they wanted to know the exact time I was going to show up and this, several times over.  I finally just told my manager: I'm driving straight through, no stops.  Okay, she replied, I'll let the customer know. 

Again, she's a really sweet lady, I have no qualms with her, but I can see that customers and corporate place demands on her. 

And drive straight through I did. the last stint I drove just short of 7 hours without stopping before finally arriving at the place - only to take another of endless safety videos and a test.  I broke my reading glasses earlier that day, I was having trouble reading the questions, but I got a pass on the test.

Pull your truck up on the scale and wait for someone to come get you.  Oh, and yet another pass into another plant.  So basically, to work for this company, I am going to have to keep a file of all of these picture ID"s for all of these plants as I go into them. Lol. Someone could have let us know about that and many other things. I probably should document it while going through it so in the future, and if I'm still working there, I will be able to give new people some insight to the things they really need to know. 

Not the first time I've done that. Anyway, a 4 wheeler shows  up, I follow it way back in the back of this plant.  Now, to give you a scope of the size of this place, this plant has fully 4 separate power plants to give it enough electricity to operate. That's right. 4, full sized plants.  Not little things, we are talking huge, full fledged power plants. I stood in awe of this place. How did mankind come up with this knowledge? When I arrived at the delivery site, awestruck again. Just thousands of pipes connected here and there, all kinds of different noises, the sound was deafening. Everyone had to raise their voice to be heard.

They knew what they were doing - I did not.  But the guy running the crew opened up the side box with the valves and connection pipes in it and asked what that giant spring assembly was for?  I had to admit that I had no clue, that is why you all are unloading this truck.  I watched intently at the procedure to unload, tho.  There was way too much noise to ask a bunch of questions, I just took what I could in.  \

The lady in charge walked me clear to the operations room to show me their facilities, I was going to be there a while. 

Back to the truck - I crawled back into the sleeper which is when I noticed the slob that must have occupied this truck before me.  Yes, folks, I got stuck in another person's cigarette smoking hell.  I had the stench of it in my nostrils all day yesterday, but the mattress..... actual cigarette burns in it.  I mean, several of them. The mattress, filthy, disgusting.  I mean, this is the kind of thing where you think of how else you might be able to sleep in this truck besides on this mattress.  I fell asleep eventually and was awakened to the sound of a hammer banging on the pipe fittings to free it. The chemical is so cold, it freezes the fittings and they use a brass hammer to free it.

I got out of there and found a place where trucks park not 5 minutes away.  Again, the smell in that sleeper was so horrific, I ended up opening up the vents in the sleeper - it was cold outside- to let in fresh air. That coupled with the truck running and the vent setting on high blowing air in there, I was afforded some sleep.

Some, I do say.  There is actually much more to this entire story, but it's late and I"m ready to go to bed.  But, I have to put all of this in here.  The fuel card. Truck was down to 1/3rd tanks.  I figured to stop at one of their approved places, Petro, fuel up, take my required 30 minute break - naptime - and get on down the road,

Instead I spent 45 minute attempting to get the fuel card to work.  After trying 4 times and calling my manager, I decided to head on down the road 120 miles to the next Petro. Same story, different town. Waste of almost another hour.  On down the road.  Near Little Rock.  I had received a call with a voice message saying that they had "fixed" the card.  I tried at a TA truckstop, one of 2 approved places.  Nope, card not activated it said, Tried again, same message. Went inside, my card information froze up her computer.

Again contact the manager. This ins't working, either.  She finally gets back to me, what what crap!
I offered to pay for my own fuel - in total I was at 2 hours and 45 minutes wasted on this at that point - if y'all would reimburse me.  No reply.  I was ready to just take off. If it runs out of fuel, oh well. They had 6 hours to deal with this. 

Ugh, anyway, it's late, I'm really tired. I put in a 17 hour day yesterday and dealing with that fuel card today. They never did get the card to work, they sent an E check to the truckstop I was at to pay for some fuel. 

I'll try to type some more tomorrow. 

Well here we go. Got to the yard, no-one there.  Gate closed, fortunately had the gate code.  Got out of car, sat on a patio chair and waited. One of the other drivers showed up half an hour later.  Well, Ann said that they had moved the pickup time up to 3:30.  I had been told to be there at 1:00 to be in Tyler by 2:00 to get the truck.  Well anyway, we get out there, the 3rd driver, who lives nearby, had already been and gone. 

So, 2 trucks. I didn't get to choose my truck - and thankfully so.  There was an older Peterbilt and a much newer one that they said was for us.  Okay.  Dude comes up to me: are you so and so?  Yup, well that's your truck over there.  2016 Peterbilt, perfect condition, excellent interior, had been freshly cleaned inside and out.  Okay! I'll take it!  Huge sleeper, plenty of space for my stuff.  Even a portal for a refrigerator if you so desire.  Maybe some day I'll "so desire".  Right now, time to get my feet wet.

I"ve never seen so much paperwork for one load in any other venue in my entire life. There are fully 7 different forms that have to be filled out.  Amazing.  Anyway, this other guy gets stuck in the older truck. Glad I didn't make the decision.  He was like, I have no idea where we're at. Well get out your GPS.  Old school, he doesn't believe in smart phones.  I've met several people in recent days that have never owned a smart phone and don't want one.  I don't wonder if life is a bit better without one, for all the social media stuff.  Huge distraction, I'm guilty.  But for GPS?  Lifesaver.  The different between prerouting a trip and simply plugging in an address and taking off.  I've got enough paperwork to deal with as it is, I'll take advantage of the technology available, thanks. 

Well, he followed me back to the yard.  The truck developed a power steering pump problem between the rental place and the yard, gag.  I get back to the yard and the head mechanic is like, will you hook up to that trailer and nose it in here?  To the shop, that is.  Sure.  I'll open up that door so you can just drive it straight in here.

Yeah, right.  The door was angled too much, I had to pull out, pull down to the end of the yard, flip a U-ey, come back around wide and get the truck and trailer into these narrow doors. This is a very small yard.  Not much room to do much of anything.  Anyway, that trailer had a broken pressure gauge, and the new driver that had already gotten there was assigned to that trailer for tomorrow. 
Get that done and go inside and start asking a lot of questions.  Sorry, but orientation ended 11 days ago and frankly, some of this paperwork is as clear as mud.

Hold on a sec, she says, I'll make copies of a driver's completed forms for a cheat sheet to go by.  Very helpful.  But I had umpteen other questions.  Cones, what about the cones? Yes you are supposed to use them any time you back up. But these trucks don't have any.  Oh, well you can't use what you don't have.  But, you see, I got that from the manager, so covering my ass. Boots, we are supposed to get boots. Yup, well, they aren't going to hand out vouchers til next month.  Okay, well I have this pair of steel toed boots, will these suffice?  She didn't care.  The company is failing her in her view, do with what you have and that's that.  Again, covering my @$$.  I mean, we got very specific training on PPE and the requirements.  We got all of it at the orientation - except the boots.

Admittedly, we could have gone to a local supplier in Amarillo, but none of wanted to stick around that place any longer.  We were told when we got back our manager would be able to get us vouchers.  Our manager, however, was getting pissed at her management because they wouldn't just send her vouchers right away. 

I have ample experience in these plants and other sides that are safety conscious: you aren't coming in there without steel toed boots on.  My newest pair is in Jackson, Mississippi.  And I can say that on my way back home, I might just stop by and pick them up since the Recruiter hasn't bothered to send them back to me.  I offered to pay for the shipping. UPS comes to their yard. It's only a matter of shoving them in a box, putting a label on it and walaah. 

Anyway, I was handed my run for tomorrow. Be at the plant at 6:30.  Meaning get to the yard by 6 to get the truck hooked up to the trailer and get it over there. Meaning - get up at 5.  20 minute to get up and get out, 40 minutes to get there - more than enough time but these first runs I'ma be safe not sorry on time, for these appointments are solid, they want you there at the time they say they want you there.  So, go to bed at 9 or 10 tonight.  Good enough.

I did the math. With stop pay and mileage pay, this 30 hour run will be worth around $650.  For the driving time there and back it comes out to around $36 per hour.  That doesn't include loading or unloading, but the driving is what gets paid though this company also pays for each stop.  And detention, which allegedly happens frequently. 

Anyway, after all of those questions and being given my first load package, the mechanic was like, can you move the trailer back out there? lol.  Okay.  Be nice if I were getting paid for all of that (didn't say that, just thought it), but I did it without grumbling.  I at least am finally in a truck when I was before today wondering if I was going to have to start looking for another job. 

Not to mention this dude invited me to the River Run this coming month.  Its the weekend of the 15th.  Ok, that sounds fun, I said, but I don't know if I'll be off.  Well, if you get a 34 reset during that time you can come down for an overnighter.  They're down there for 3 whole days.  Nice invitation.  Another group of cops, lol.  Been around them enough now to know how they behave in a crowd of them.  They're cool when they're in their own element away from the public. Different world, for sure. 

Well, if I do get the reset during any of those days I will likely do it. Having been riding in forever. 

Anyway, this stuff isn't over yet.  I still have to learn how to unload one of these trucks.  I'm guessing I can learn watching these people at the plant.  Oh, no I can't. they don't let you stand around watching, you have to go to a shack and wait for them to get it done.  Oh well.  I would like to stand and watch the entire process and take notes.  And video for that matter. These trailers are loaded with valves and I just have head knowledge at the moment how to do it.  Doesn't exactly translate into actually knowing how to do it. 

I asked Ann about unloading.  Yup, they are unloading you. Cool.  Cause' if they ask me to do it, I have a card that specifically states that I am not authorized to unload a trailer.  Yet.  I'll get there, they're going to have to get an experienced driver to show us how to do it, which likely means going out with one of those drivers.

Yes I'm definitely more upbeat having all of this starting to roll.

I got home, ate some leftovers - delicious smoked prime rib roast - sat down, went through all of this paperwork, filled out as much of as it as possible without having more information - which means I got 85% of it filled out and ready to go.  I would like to hope that I can sleep tonight, I am guessing it will be fitful at best. 

Spent a good portion of this morning attempting to decide whether to upgrade computer.
Finally came to the conclusion after looking at countless ads that it isn't a good idea right now,
wait until I have a good solid flow of income coming in. 

And speaking of income, I texted the manager this morning who eventually texted me back: can you be over her at 1:00 to go to Tyler to pick up a truck at 2:00? Oh yes I can.  So, finally, they have something going here.  But there are only 2 trucks, I don't know what they are going to do about the third driver.  Not sure how that is fair, but perhaps something else was already worked out. 

Regardless, I will go get the truck, drive it back to the yard and then they have to install whatever they have to install on it before it can be taken out.  I am only going to guess that I am either leaving out somewhere tonight or tomorrow morning.  Whichever the case, let's get this going, as much as I don't feel like going anywhere, I'll get over it. It's kind of the effect of not doing any work for 10 days besides doing 2 hours of training on Friday from home and 6 hours at the shop last Monday and accomplishing much of nothing. 

Basically nothing different than coming back from an extended vacation at my old work for 9 days and the first day truly sucks.  In fact, sometimes the first couple of days aren't all that wonderful.  In this case, I have had all that time to start slipping on much of what was taught.  They really needed to get me out the next day or couple of days after orientation so all of that info would sink into real life use.  Now, I have found that I need to go through a bunch of paperwork to refresh my memory.  I am more of a hands on learner.  Repetition is how I learn things. I can learn head knowledge but it really doesn't apply until after I do the real work and get used to it.

So that's it for now. Will check in when I next have a chance - tho car is loaded with everything I need, if they send me out today, I am more than ready.

I have concluded to give these people until Wednesday to either have me in a truck or have a definitive plan shortly thereafter to get one. Actually all 3 of us.  If  I get no paid days before Wednesday, then definitely I will be moving on.  I have to be able to pay my bills, period.  Whatever I had that got me ahead will be used up by the end of the month in paying bills and a few Christmas presents.

I really need to hear by the end of tomorrow that they have located trucks for us and when they are going to arrive or that they are sending us out on Tuesday.  I'm sure I will not like being out on the road during the Christmas season, but probably going to need to be on the road 6 days a week to try and catch up.  However, I don't think it actually works that way.  They go out, come back, spend the night at home and then go out again.  So I've heard, anyway.  Once that trailer is loaded full of that chemical, you have no choice but to start heading towards your destination and no stopping except for mandatory breaks until you get there. 

Coming back, a bit more leeway.  Your empty so no biggies, excepting if you are getting behind, such as I am, you likely want to get back ASAP and get dispatched out again right away if possible.  Perhaps around Christmas time that is easier to do.  I've encountered 3 drivers that want more time off. They've been there over 20 years. 

But enough of that.  I got up, got dressed, went to church this morning. A bit if spiritual influx and the Word certainly won't hurt anything considering what's going on now.  I find the church a but odd, tho, that they don't have altar calls or people needing prayer an opportunity to get some at the end of the service. First non-denominational church I've encountered that doesn't do that. 

Anyway, I have decided to do nothing today.  I was going stir crazy the last several days so I was doing a lot of cleaning up leaves and other small projects that needed to get done.  Some major projects will have to wait. 

Oh, I had 2 McDonald's McRib sandwiches today. They only come for a limited time every year, I wanted to have a couple - and then that's it, no more lol.

Anyway. It's Sunday afternoon,think I'll take that nap that starts hitting me in the sleepy department around this time, every Sunday. 

This will be a short entry.
It's been a week since we left orientation.
They've known much longer than that that we needed trucks.
Christmas is coming up.
Pretty much guaranteed that, since we aren't driving and the first paycheck from them
was minimal and certainly nothing going here to suggest it will be any better the next
one, that if I really want to buy just a few individuals on my list some presents? It will
have to go on credit cards. 
I'm not there yet. 

It's not December, but this company pays biweekly. Just got paid midnite, so there is only
2 more checks before Christmas.

I know, it doesn't mean that much to a lot of people anymore, that's fine for you. For my son,
his new wife, my mom and a couple of other people, including those that live here, I would
like to get them something. Doesn't mean high dollar stuff, but when you are battling with
monthly expenses, it's kinda tough to look at what you have now and see that you are going
to have anything a month from now. 

I got paid for a full day Monday and today. There are 3 days I got nothing for.  So add that up
and you can figure why I am yet once again stressing over finances. 

Yup, I"m going to get a small Christmas tree. No, I don't think I need any lights or anything,
should be good in that department. 

I just don't understand these people.  How could they possibly have screwed up something like
this?  And I even offered without reservation excepting that the truck can't have been smoked in to
take an old truck, send me on a Greyhound bus, I'll go get it.

I'm going through a particularly bad season of life right now.  Seems like everything I touch
turns to s***.

I have no idea what to do now.  I'm pretty much lost at this point. 

Thanksgiving Day. Happy Thanksgiving to whoever is left that reads this journal.
I wasn't going to do anything today, but growing stir crazy, I decided to start raking the back yard.
Tons of leaves. Leaves, leaves, leaves everywhere.  I started a burn pile - of which I had to obtain a permit for - and began burning those babies.  I rake a 1/4 of the yard to the burn pile, the rest of what I got done I put in a kiddie pool and made numerous trips. 

I did the last trip about 15 minutes ago, I'm done with that for today. 3/4's or more of the yard done.  I would have left it until the trees completely shed themselves, but the dog poop is under it and festering with flies, couldn't just leave it like that and doubt I will have a lot of time to do much of anything if/when I actually get a truck to start driving. 

I was amazed to hear yesterday around 5:00 pm that they still hadn't found any trucks for us.  I was informed that a conference call of senior management concluded that us 3 new drivers would be disappointed in being put in the old trucks at the place 400 miles from here.When my manager said that I just didn't really think about it. They had made their decision, it's whatever.  After we had talked awhile and gotten off the phone, she texted me a pic of a page of a safety workshop they want us 3 to do on Friday - it's  a pretty short thing but it will get us paid for the entire day, which was the goal.

But I started thinking about the old trucks.  Well, who cares?  I texted her back.  I don't really care if you put me in an old truck, as long as it isn't forever and as long as it hasn't been smoked in and it is cleaned out.  I'll even take a Greyhound bus to go get it. Okay, I gagged on that one while typing it, but seriously, let's get this going.  She wrote back, "Awe thanks" and "I will tell Jay you said so".  No clue who Jay is, didn't ask.  Some manager somewhere, undoubtedly.  I would rather see tomorrow/Friday converted from yet another safety module to "we are sending you to (wherever) to get one of those old trucks". 

I did say to her that I wasn't speaking for those other 2 drivers, at all. I just want to get this thing going.  I am just still amazed that they still haven't figured this out.  Oh, and we were initially told that those trucks 400 miles away were the new trucks, not some old things.  The new trucks, Ann my manager had no idea where they are or when they are actually going to arrive.  So, that's where it was left at.  Happy Thanksgiving wishes and texting ended. 

And in reality, I could not work for the rest of my life and be very happy about it, lol, but I'm not where near in the position to retire.  Which isn't really a good position to be in at the age of 53. If I could save half my yearly income for the next 10 years and invest it and get return and interest I might be able to say something differently.  And I know so many people that are my age and already done with work for the rest of their lives.  Just makes me feel bad about some of my life's decisions.  Like, things I could have done long ago and I would be in a very much better position right now. 

Ignoring everything else, if they don't find trucks for us to go get or send me for one of the old ones or whatever tomorrow, I'm going to do the online safety thing and at least get paid for the day. 

Well that's it. Almost 10:00 pm.  I figure to go to bed earlier tonight versus other nights going to bed at midnight.  Just in case something happens and I end up needing to travel somewhere. 

Wednesday, 11:15 am.
I heard from the manager at 3:00 pm yesterday.
Consensus from my friends is that this place isn't doing to well right off the bat considering they knew we were coming and yet had no solid plan in place to take care of the most basic need to
get the job in trucking: an actual truck to drive. 
But now, we are on the cusp of  Thanksgiving.  I'd rather them not come up with a plan until
Friday at the earliest, at this point, and simply enjoy the holiday at home.

From my perspective, they failed me, I might as well get something out of it.  I'm not getting paid
to sit  home and do nothing.  I didn't get paid for yesterday and if nothing happens today, I'm not
going to get paid for today, either.  I'll still have a check next week, it will look the same as my
checks from my old employer, so I can deal with that. 

I guess I figured that at this late hour in the morning, and this going on for as long as it has, they would have had this figured out by now.  I'm seriously considering a local job that I had dismissed
several months ago. The pay wasn't that great and the hours too long.  But after doing that last job where I was driving 11 hours a day on many days and working the full 14 hours allowable, I have had a change of mind about that.  Actually, I didn't have to work that many hours, but if I didn't I would have to work on Saturday to get caught up on the minimum amount they want done. 

$18 per hour doesn't sound like much - it isn't really - but multiply that by 70 hours, 40 at regular wage and 30 at OT.  I have no idea if they would even have me after I asked them about the hours and such.  But that's $1500 paychecks.  Not fun work, but none of it is.  It's all just driving trucks all day long.  At least you go home at night and if you really work it, you get a full weekend off.

I never really thought about it in that context because I didn't think I could handle such long hours.  I proved myself wrong on that one.  It's a large company, too, they have good benefits that grow over the time you spend working there.  Very tempted to call them.  Their job board still includes a postion out of my town.  But, I guess I'll hold off and see what happens with this one I'm at today. I don't really consider myself an employee here yet since I have yet to drive a truck for them excepting to do a road test.  The thing about this other company is - they have day cabs. That's guaranteed home every night, most of those companies with day cabs aren't interested in paying for  motels. 

But I am curious that we're getting close to noon and still no word, whatsoever from this company. Doesn't that sound like a company that doesn't have it's act together? Yet, I have yet to hear a single negative word from any of the drivers I have met that have been working there forever.  This is really a difficult position to be in for me.  I don't want to jump ship yet again and have my employment record showing me at 4 different jobs in a pretty short period of time.  Yet, if this other place would have me, I would just eat it and go with it. I was ready to do that at this current place and I definitely paid the price to get to this point in going through 6 days worth of safety training.  That stuff will rot your brain, I'm telling ya. 

Not only that, but they don't want to give us vouchers for new work boots - company policy that they pay for them because they want you to go to a specific supplier and buy a narrow range of boots that fit the bill for their hazmat requirements - until next month.  See, my manager was having a conniption about that as well. She isn't really too happy with the company at this point in how they are  handling this situation.  I wouldn't be so tempted to move on - yet again - but I'm sitting at home. I'm not earning any money. I will get a paycheck next week (bi-weekly pay) - but the next paycheck after that is going to be spartan. Paying me for mileage to and from Amarillo and a couple of paid days and reimbursing me for meals while out there. Yeah, they're paying me 41 cents per mile for the miles I put on my car, that adds up to around $500 and I might have $250 in expenses for the TWIC card that they are going to reimburse and food, but after that, it's just Monday at 6 hours, yesterday at nothing and today -  so far - at nothing as well.

I bought that smoker on one of my credit cards with full intention of paying it off before the end of the month.  You get cash reward on everything you buy.  But now?  I dunno about that.  I've paid most of my bills for the month tho.  Only thing left is car insurance about to hit, I think I got everything else covered. Guess I best check to make sure lol. 

Well, here I sit, waiting on a phone call.....

So here it is, 9:15 am and still no word on trucks for us.
This is getting a bit ridiculous.
They knew we were coming, for weeks.  They knew they
would need trucks for us.  I mean, a call could come at any
moment, I dunno.  The manager said no point in coming in until
they have this verified.  There are allegedly trucks available, just
nothing close by.  Someone up the line will have to make a
decision and they best be doing that soon, cause otherwise, I'm
going to pick up my job hunting again and see if there is anything
local I can get into.

Well that prompted me to look at several waterworks stores since I
know that product very well.  No one hiring at the moment..  But I"ll
keep looking.  If someone were to offer me enough money I would take
it.  I'd be right at home, wouldn't take much for me to learn any of my
former company's operations and I would be right back in my comfort
zone.

That is something I will keep looking at on at least a weekly basis.
This job I am at now is allegedly a "gravy" job, but so far, there isn't
any gravy being poured. Just empty promises.

I'm not completely giving up on them, but this isn't a good sign to
start out with.  And then, one of the manager's managers was asking her
if there is even enough work to keep 3 new drivers busy?  Ugh.  Please.
Don't tell me after all of this y'all are having second thoughts?
Fortunately Ann - manager's name - said yes.  Empty trailers all over
the place that need moved to different locations and 3 loads - for today
actually.  Well, those loads must have been handled by existing drivers or
put off.  Cause' we sure aren't getting them.

________________________

I finally heard from my new manager (she's a really sweet lady) this afternoon around 3:00 pm.  I had already given up hope of anything getting done today.  She was pissed at her own company.  We talked back and forth and she finally just said she thinks her company is making itself look bad in this situation..I couldn't disagree, actually, but hey, I'm the one in limbo here. Not getting paid to stay home, I'm sure of that, not earning a paycheck. Drover the 509 miles to Amarillo, did 5 days worth of training there and a days worth of training in a nearby town, that's 6 days of training.

She went on - they've only known about this for 2 weeks now.  I"m not happy about this situation, but I'm not going hog wild crazy about it either.  I don't really mind a few days off.  I fully expected to get a phone call this morning, come over here to go over - wherever - get a truck and lets' get this started.

Anyway, there isn't a truck within 500 miles of here for rent from Ryder.  They were looking to see if there are trucks available from Penske, even though they don't have an account with them. But finding out the new trucks are sitting there waiting to be picked up - 400 miles away - why not just go get them?  This doesn't make any sense.  These trucks are sitting in a yard, somewhere, waiting for us to get them, we can't get a rental truck, why wouldn't they just have us go get them?

The whole situation is rather draining.  Now, if we were sent out to get those trucks tomorrow, we would be coming back on Thanksgiving, in time for Turkey dinner.  Sounds good to me, let's do this.  Cause honey, we smoked the second night in a row in the new smoker and that thing is perfectly awesome.  It smokes the meat so much better than that last thing we had.  The meat has the flavor of the wood chips - whatever kind you put in there - so nice.

I didn't sleep worth a crap last night. I might have gotten 2 hours of sleep.  I just tossed and turned, wondering about this new job, will it work out, will it end like the last one, will I be able to make money, this that and the other thing.  I couldn't shut it off, and yes I tried.  A constant wave of stress and the jitters.

I have to say that I was amazed that I wasn't even tired today, at all, at least not until I got home an hour ago. Now I"m like, I think it's late enough in the day I best just force myself to stay awake until bedtime and then hope that I will sleep very well tonight.

As for the new job, well, they still didn't have any trucks for us, but confirmation numbers to pick up tractors at a Ryder rental place about 45 miles down the road.  We arrived there to find out they didn't have any sleeper trucks available.  The lady behind the counter was talking about day cabs - tractors without sleepers - and went on with that for a few minutes. I thought about it and said, sure, if the company wants to put me up in a hotel every night, I'm all over that.

Oh, she replies, well we don't have any of those, either.  Why on earth did she go off on them for 5 minutes then?? I wondered but kept my mouth shut.  The nearest tractor is in Waco, Texas which is much closer than I originally thought.  I thought it was about 7 hour drive,  turns out it's only 3-1/2 hours away. But they only have one tractor there and it is a day cab.  The other guys were like, no I don't like day cabs.  I was going - well I have driven them for a long time now, if the company put me up in a hotel I don't care if I drive one of those temporarily.

It just amazes me that this company didn't have this all settled by now. Didn't call and confirm that the location had the trucks, though I guess if the 800 call center says they have them, why believe anything else? So, I got paid for today, but we didn't get anywhere with any of this. I figure the way things have been going for me lately, I'll get a truck in time to load up and be out on the road for Thanksgiving, only 3 days away.

___________________

It's many hours later.  No call or text from our manager, obviously they don't have a working solution yet.  I went to Applebee's and had a hot bowl of French Onion Soup and enjoyed my relative freedom.  She, the manager, has plenty of work for us to do.  I mean, she went off on a list when asked by her manager on the phone, and repeating it to us.  So, no plans on getting up early.  In fact, I didn't have to get up early today, come to fine out.  Tho I did tell her that I would be there at 8:00am  Monday morning, on Friday.

She, however, didn't show up until well after that.  In fact, the only person that beat me there was the head mechanic - tho he's the only mechanic lol.  I asked today, there are only 17 drivers total including us 3 new ones.  Not a particularly large operation. I also found out they do not have cameras on the trucks.  Either pointed at you (which I particularly hated about the last company) or at the road (which was fine by me, if someone causes an accident, there isn't a problem having a camera streaming 24 hours a day to the OUTSIDE of the truck). 

Anyway, I'm going to enjoy whatever time off I have here.  Life is about to get particularly busy.  If they get me in a truck, I doubt I will be home for Thanksgiving.  Christmas - who knows.  There were no guarantees of home holidays so I will have to eat it and keep it to myself.  I would, however, love it if they stuck me in a daycab.  These people that hate them have no clue.  The portion where you drive is no different than that of a sleeper.  The problem is there is no sleeper - meaning staying at a hotel.  Again, I made it amply clear that I would be fine with a daycab, with hotel every night. 

I could do that the rest of my life and driving would be much less of a chore.  Get off the road, get into a hot shower, get into usually a comfortable bed.  Yep, its only a 10 hour break. But that's 2 hours to deal  with life and get on my laptop and 8 hours to sleep.  So it's whatever.  I figure if they find one, they might just have me get the thing.  At best, I can only see us making a long trip to get any tractor.  Air, bus, ride, dunno, but there is nothing local here. 

I did think it strange when they said they were sending all 3 of us to the same place for a tractor. I have ample experience with these truck rental places, they don't have a lot of tractors sitting around for rent. You might find one, but not 3.  If there are multiple units available, it must be an unusual circumstance.  It's rest assured they're going to resolve this quickly. They know we're there to earn money.  We are earning something for doing nothing, it's about $800 per week.  But I can be making $1,500 per week driving their trucks.  Personally, I won't say anything about "quitting" for lack of truck to drive if it went on for a while, the other two drivers? Highly doubtful. 

So, here it is. 8:00 pm.  I'll probably sleep in in the morning, I expect I will sleep much better than last night.  No call from them by now means, from what I am seeing, I won't be getting one until mid to late morning, at best. 

I had half a mind to go out and have another fire pit fire, but it's getting a bit late for that.  Or not, lol.  Undecided.  Just don't know how many more opportunities I"m going to have for this.  One of the other new drivers has all kinds of gear for any given truck.  TV being the biggest.

____________________

So now, the female tenant, Rene, is talking about leaving and moving in with a lady friend of hers that she just visited to take care of her while she is basically dying of ALS. I get that there aren't any other females her for her to chit chat with.  So beit.  I wish her all the best.  I'll have to find someone to take her place and that is, of course, always a roll of the dice. That is, if she actually goes through with it.

Her and Donny have a dicey relationship.  They are great with each other at times, and other times, like last night, they go at it tooth and tooth.  I had nothing to do with it and I'm actually thinking this is her response to this s*** last night.  Again, I had NOTHING to do with this and I just listened from another room I was already sitting in before it started.  She may or may not change her mind, so beit. 

I"m not going to worry about it - cept' if she is really going to do this, I want the same time to find another tenant as she wants to be forced to move out, which is two months. 

Well whatever the case, I'm done with writing for the night. 

And so, here I am on the cusp of a Monday morning and whatever adventure lays ahead of me.  Whatever happens, it appears likely going to be sent somewhere to retrieve a semi tractor.  I'm just a little curious why they waited this long to get trucks when they knew we were going to be sitting there, after orientation, waiting for something to do next.  I came there to earn a paycheck.  Sitting at home is wonderful, I do like it, but it doesn't pay the bills.  Time to get out on the road and ge this show started. 

I've come up with a goal based on projected pay (and basing that on a lower end of the scale).  The goal is to get out of working for other people.  To get something going for myself.  I don't care if I have to spend endless hours doing it, it will be for my own reward and whatever that may entail, it won't be away from home for extended periods of time. But for now, I am resolved to what I have to get that goal accomplished. 

First and foremost, fix my credit. That will occur with paying credit cards down and with more time elapsing since all the late payments on the mortgage.  But, I had to come up with an initial goal to get something to focus on. Without that, I'm lost in the water, I have no vision and I have nothing to motivate me.  A small apartment complex or building a mobile home park would be nice, I know enough about that stuff to be able to pull it off. But it's definitely not going to be limited to that idea.  Just that's why my goal is for now. 

It's been something I've wanted to do for a long, long time now, I've just never had the wherewithal to do it. 

Whatever the case, I have always been goal oriented. It drives me to do things that I otherwise would just pass on.  If I see a real potential at the end of the line, I'll do my best to follow through with it.  This has been my problem, now that I started thinking about it. Just in a dead zone of nothingness. No goals, nothing for the future.  Just working a job that sucked, that didn't give me the income to realize any self-sufficient dreams. 

I'm not counting my chickens before they hatch.  I tend to be reserved on outcomes based on no experience with the initial start of something like this.  I have to perform for this company in ways that I have never been demanded of.  I've got 4 ID"s I have acquired that I have to have with me at all times
______________
\
Welp,it's 7:30pm, going to watch my favorite show coming up at 8:00 and then go to bed early.  If that means I wake up early, that's fine, I can have some time to get my mind ready for whatever is to come. It's really an up in the air thing where I'm really not sure what happens next. More traininig?  Get a truck and a trailer and go to the chemical plant?  This is the 2 job in a short amount of time. It really takes some time to get accustomed to a job and the management and everything that it takes to get accustomed to such.  I'm not really into the "not knowing" stuff. 

Well at least the owner of the company I quit cares about his reputation.  I contacted the comptroller twice in 2 days time period without any reply.  After emailing the President, I got a reply back from the comptroller - we mailed your paycheck out yesterday.  Uh huh.  Whatever, I need that money in my account. Switching jobs isn't exactly cheap if you don't have a paycheck coming in each pay period.  Which I should have if they would have sent it out promptly, instead of 2 pay periods later.

________________________________

That was yesterday. Hoping that check arrives today.  Just would like to get it deposited in the bank since next week, who knows what's going to happen.  They have a lead on some trucks just over in Shreveport, allegedly.  I'm supposed to show up for work 8 am Monday. I'm definitely going to need to get into a truck and get rolling cause sitting around here ain't making no money.  That's proper English, btw.

I still have a lot to learn tho. In fact, none of us newbies are cleared to load a truck.  That's much more technical stuff that the trainer said we would learn at a later date.  Doesn't really make a heck of a lot of sense to me to have us going clear to Amarillo and not have a trailer available with which to do a mock filling on and learn how to operate the thing.

Whatever. I suppose I should drain my mind of this stuff for the weekend and chill.  Well, not really chilling tho.  I'm going to put that new smoker together and I'll probably rake up some leaves since the back yard is looking pretty - leafy lol.  I'm hopeful the smoker assembly isn't going to require 100 screws with nuts and washers, like, hopefully it's partially preassembled and not that much to do to put it together.  And since I'm hoping that, it's likely going to take hours lolol.

Oh, now I know why my 4 wheeler wouldn't start last weekend.  I filled the tank up several weeks ago.  Like several gallons of gas.  All I"ve done is run the thing for a few minutes here and there to make sure it will, indeed, run. Welp, obviously someone took the gas out of it.  That should have lasted for months just running it like that.  It's bone dry.  There are only 2 guesses.  Either the neighbor kid stole it or one of the people living here was broke and took it  out of there. I'll pick the kid next door, these people here wouldn't do such a thing without telling me about it.  Not to mention they aren't that broke.

They do need to start saving for moving tho.  Not that I really want them gone.  But, my friends that own the house are dreaming of the day when they can get out of Georgia and get back here.  He put in for a job transfer back, of which they haven't gotten a reply, but they are definitely looking for a way back here.  I don't blame them. I wouldn't want t live in Atlanta, either.  I despise that place.  Just another big city with a lot of crime.  Driving through there recently, a lot of traffic as well.  Especially bad - as in any large city - is rush hour traffic.

I did offer to help them physically move their stuff.  I have a pretty good sized trailer that would hold most of their things, a couple of trips worth would do it.  That saves them the expense of having to rent a truck and having to get it done in X amount of time.  But still, they are looking to rent their own place, which usually means first and last months rent or some combination that allows for a deposit.  Turning on utilities and getting sat TV and internet service.  I think with all of their disabilities they may qualify for rental subsidies tho.  People like this, especially Donny, is where I can see society needs to have a safety net and step in and help when necessary.  He has serious health issues.  There is not way either of the can work jobs, that's just out of the question. I could see her possibly running an Ebay business, but she didn't sound too interested in it when I mentioned it to her.  I'm not sure how computer savvy she is.

___________________________

Got the smoker put together.  A few parts were missing, that, upon digging in the giant box, found them.  Parts that should have been in their plastic shrink wrapped cardboard.  The directions said to season the thing, so I put some charcoal and some mesquite in there and fired it up.  This thing is crazy nice!  It requires a fraction of the amount of charcoal as many other styles, heats up quickly and keeps a good temperature for a long time. Like 4 hours the last I checked.  Of course, smoking is a drawn out process so you want it to be able to maintain a stable temp for an extended time.

It is a nice unit for the price.  I figure if I keep the cover I bought for it over it while not in use, it should last for quite a while.  I mean, I just didn't want to spend $500 on a smoker.  For that kind of money, I could buy a welder and make my own.  Someday, I will have a shop with a welder and an acetylene torch set up, among other things.  "Someday" I'll be retired or dead and won't have the grind of working anymore.  Until then, I am resolved to a life of working away, attempting to gain enough to get a distance between poverty and a decent standard of living.  I have to say honestly, that sometimes I don't want to do anything. Just quit, go find a cave and live in it. 

But I figure cave dwellers have it harder than truck drivers, so I'll pass on that one, lol.  I have up close and personal view of what it is to live off of the government.  They have enough to live off of if you are doing it the way they are, but it's hardly a desirable lifestyle and neither one of them - room mates - want to live in the condition they are in.  The guy would far rather be working - he spent his entire life working his ass off and making excellent money only to lose it all to unfortunate circumstances.

That's kind of what gets me going about working all your life, saving up your fortune and then what?  You die. Someone else gets it and you are in a grave.  I really must get my entire focus back on the Lord.  I have been distracted and I have been paying for it.  You get this empty feeling, like you are missing something in your life.  I figured that one out quickly.  People equate a relationship with the Lord to religion.  I can tell ya, there is a vast difference between the two. 

Well not going to get preachy here.  I can think of numerous things that I could be doing with my life that would serve the kingdom more than working a job and what?  Just living?  It doesn't really offer an fulfillment.  At least on the mission field - even tho I was working my @$$ off and not getting paid for it - I had a great sense of fulfillment, belonging and the realization that I was doing something for the Kingdom of Heaven.  Even after I left the mission field, I was heavily involved in evangelization. It was the first divorce that threw my life into upheaval and I'm afraid I've never really resurfaced from it.  I'm treading water, I guess I would call it.  Certainly not walking on it.

Well, enough. 

Fitful sleep. I could easily have left out of here at 4am and been 200 plus miles down the road by now.  Just need to get home and get a night's sleep in my own bed.  I have no idea yet what the plan is for us new drivers.  Not necessarily in a big hurry to have anything happen this weekend.  But, if it's what is required, then I'll just do it and deal with it.  Actually, since we filled out a log book for this over here, I'll have to get a 34 hour reset anyway. I'm pretty much guaranteed not to have to do anything til Sunday at the earliest.

Anyway, leaving the hotel for the last time, load up the car, get over to the terminal, get my PPE equipment and head out.  Like, not wasting time at that terminal.  Thanks for everything, but I needs be getting home now, thanks.

I suppose when I get home I'll put that smoker together. 

As it stands, I was looking up how to refinish solid wood floors. That is a job.  I mean, the instructions say you have to sand it 3 times with various grit sandpaper before it's ready. Well that living room is huge.  The floor looks like hell though. It's looked bad since I first moved in there, I just would like to get it looking a little better in there.  It would probably cost a small fortune to pay an experienced contractor to do it, or even a person that knows how to do it on the side.  Kinda just thinking about that at the moment.  I definitely don't have time to be sitting there sanding that entire floor down 3 times. 

Not a big priority, either.  Not if it's going to cost a lot of money.  I would really like to get a newer vehicle. I am very much tired of driving this old car.  9 years worth.  It's served me well, I can't complain about that.  But the interior continues to fall apart on it, gauges don't work, it's getting close to 200k miles.  Really would like to get a nice, used pickup.  I wouldn't really like to get into payments tho, unless it's like a 2 year plan, 3 at most. 

These deals where they are putting people into 7 plus year payment plans is a bit ridiculous. How much interest do you have to pay for the life of the loan? Plus you have to have full coverage insurance.  You'd really have to buy a brand new vehicle to make it worth that, and we all know that new vehicles lose thousands of dollars worth of value the moment you drive it off the dealer's lot.

On the wish list, I'd really like to get a couple more ATV's and take people out riding.  There are some great places within `15 to 35 miles of  the house for riding in mud, trails, along rivers, etc. 

Anyway, just dreaming at this point.  I really need to get my mind focused on this new job. There is still a lot more to learn and I need to see if I"m really going to be making as much as is claimed.  Speaking of money, the last employer hasn't paid me my final pay.  2 pay periods have skipped by and nothing. I wrote the comptroller who didn't reply. I then wrote the owner last night, who actually did reply.  He said he would look into it promptly. Thank you!

Well, this rodeo is over. 
I: have no idea why they are keeping us here until tomorrow morning to hand us our PPE (hard hat, gloves, etc.), but I would have stayed another night anyway.  We didn't get off until 5, I don't see any great reason to drive through the night to get home, so it's whatever. 

Well, excepting I could have gotten up early and left out of here around 4 or 5 am and be home relatively early  You see, I have no clue what's happening next.  I mean, are they going to try to send us out as soon as we get back? Do we get a day off?  What? 3 out of 6 of us are from the same terminal, one of them we have become buddies.  He tried contacting the manager several times, she hasn't responded. 

She is busy traveling, tho.  The company sent her to somewhere in Pennsylvania for training.  This company is big on training.  It must be rich, too. They pay high wages.  They have very high dollar equipment. They are paying us .41 cents per mile to drive here and back.  That's over $400.  I will have spent maybe $125 on fuel - and that is over estimating - by the time I get back.  I'm not complaining, but this must be the reason people love working for this company.  I'm staying at a hotel that online is $109 per night. That's not a luxury hotel, but it isn't the Roach Inn either. 

Actually the hotel is very nice. It's the rude people going in and out of their rooms at all hours of the night, slamming their doors that pisses me off.  I finally got 6 straight hours of sleep last night and that was the end of that.  I will enjoy my final night here, regardless.  No point in showing up before 8 over there, the personnel I need to see won't be there before then.  There is one person that said they were there at 5:00 am.  Wow, guess you get to get off early! No.  Oh.  Yes, she said, I get 3 day weekends in return.  Now THAT is nice.

I won't be seeing any of that. That's for sure.  In fact, there is talk of us having to go out with a trainer for several weeks to learn the ropes.  This isn't the way they have done it in the past and I can tell ya, I"m not interested in spending that much time in that small of an area with a total stranger. At the same time, what we learned here? Did not train us how to hook up to huge tanks at the plants and how to operate the valves.  I obviously need to learn that. If it means being with another person for a while, I'll suck it up and go with it.  They may not like it either - tho I am sure, gauging from the way this company treats it's employees, they will be rewarded nicely for doing so.

There is one guy in particular that is retiring next year that I would love to have as a trainer.  He knows literally everything there is to know about this business.  This is some technical stuff here, hence the claims of 80k and up per year.  There is a lot of tedium and a LOT of paperwork.  I found it amazing listening to the payroll manager that drivers are leaving a lot of money on the table in regards to Detention Pay.  I don't expect to be leaving anything on the table.  If I'm at a plant longer than an hour and a half, I'm getting paid an hourly wage to stay there.

And from her description, there are many instances where you are held up.  I don't mind that as long as I'm getting paid for it.  \

Anyway, it was kind of surprising today when he announced there are only two tests left. I have taken more tests in a short period of time than I can ever remember even in high school.  In relation to a week's time anyway.  40 of them? 

Well, start a new chapter in the rather extended book of my life.  I am going to try to simply embrace it and move on with life. Meanwhile, see if there's a nice movie on TV. I'm impressed with this hotel, they have a lot of cool channels. 

I got up early this morning. Slept 6 straight hours and I knew that is all I would be getting, attempting to get back to sleep in this hotel would be a futile waste of time.  At least, when I can get up, take a long hot shower, get some of that good coffee they leave in the rooms and get the day ticking. 

The instructor was asked again yesterday how long we will be staying, he ignored the question again. However, later on, he said something about "it took longer this morning than expected, we are a little behind schedule".  I'm ready to get out of here.  I might be here until Saturday, I dunno (that's how long they have the room reserved for), but if I could get out of here today or even tomorrow, I'd be plain happy to get in that old car and drive straight home.

Which is what I intend on doing anyway, unless we get out of class and it's like 5 pm.  That would mean driving all night and I would just stay another night here instead of doing that. Get up early, like 4 am and start the drive home, be home by noonish.

I can't even try to figure that out yet, though.  He had originally said perhaps Thursday we would be done, but that was the first day we were here and no one has heard a peep yet.  How much more training could there possibly be?  I'm sure endless if they wanted to.  He has a huge rack of CD's he keeps pulling from.  Mandatory training as specked by the Feds, who can audit them for the information and review even the test results. 

So, anyway, I'm quite sure today will be a 5 o'clock day and then? Perhaps get out early tomorrow?  I dunno what the point of keeping people in the dark about that is.  We have personal lives, we'd like to be able to schedule them.  I have stuff to do at home, even if it's only home a day, I can manage it to get the most out of it and get stuff done. 

I'm half tempted to get a Starbuck's this morning, there is one on the way to the facility.  I've got plenty of time.  A nice, venti skinny vanilla latte, extra hot.  I don't do Starbucks much anymore because their prices for a glorified cup of coffee are outrageous.  Those people that support the place? Good for them. I'd rather see them go out of business and have just local mom and pop shops all over the place.  In fact, it would be a great business to go into if it could be lucrative. But with a Starbucks nearby, well they dominate the market. Wonder how much it costs to open up a Starbucks franchise, if they do, indeed, franchise? 

Best have a business degree to enter a situation like that.  Which I don't, obviously, have.  I'm always thinks what I could be doing versus what I am doing. 

Anyway, I think I'll be off of here and make that stop. 

Okay Wednesday is officially over, as far as work.  I mean, getting near bed time too.  I didn't sleep worth a crap last night.  People slamming doors all night long. What on earth is wrong with these people? No respect for the sleeping, at all.  I'm a light sleeper, I had thought about bringing my box fan with me for the noise, but I left it home for Addler instead.  He sleeps in my room every night whether I'm there or not, I just wanted some kind of normalcy for him.  I would have gone out and bought one today, but it totally escaped my mind.

By the time it was time to get out of there, I was done. 8 more hours of endless videos, technical stuff, the endless paperwork related to Hazmat that I never knew existed, tests tests and more tests.  I'm serious, we've done 30 tests by now. Someone in the group asked the trainer again today, are we going to be done tomorrow? No answer.  What are you doing to do, demand one? I will take whatever answer he gives, even if he says Saturday, but please tell us when this is going to be over with. I will then have a goal. 

I'm assuming until Friday. If we go through Friday and no word, then I'm going to get involved with this. Naaaah, I don't think so, actually. We are being paid $22 per hour for this, I hate it because it just gets agonizing, monotone voices on videos gets old quickly.  But, I am going to get a paycheck for last Friday through whatever we are working this week.  The company I quit did not deposit my final paycheck in my bank account and I have not received a paper check. So, I contacted the comptroller via email a few minutes ago.  When am I going to see my final paycheck?  I'll let that one ride until after tomorrow. 

Anyway, the technical stuff is getting far more involved.  No idea what was involved in hazmat driving and especially transferring chemicals from a plant to a truck and a truck to a plant.  Not to mention the rules of hazmat driving. You can't just pull over to the side of the road.  You can't drive down county roads or anything but Interstates and US highways.  If you are caught blowing a railroad crossing, 10k fine. 

And a bunch of other stuff that was rather surprising to hear - but considering the damage a tanker full of this stuff can do, I can't blame anyone for putting this kind of excessive regulatory  process on the people that are transporting this stuff.  So, I'm just toughing it out and waiting for the real, hands on training which won't happen until I get back to my town and get into a truck, apparently with one of the seasoned drivers, and spend weeks in there with him.  Gag.  That wasn't anything I was told at the beginning either.  I was informed that we would just get into our own trucks and follow an old timer to any given site to learn that way. 

Kinda confusing on that one. I'm not really interested in spending weeks in such a confined space with anyone.  My dog, sure, no one else. This company has a no animal policy, but I gave up on that idea anyway. Addler is definitely not a travelling dog.  He's much better off staying home without me. 

Every company has their ups and downs, hearing that you can easily make 80k per year was enough for me today.  And the payroll lady going over benefits. And another lady sitting there saying that literally millions of dollars per year are lost wages for drivers who don't report detention pay.  It's just a matter of filling out a form with limited information. You arrived at the gate at X time and got out of that gate at Y. If it goes over an hour and a half, it's detention pay.  I mean, what's one more block on a sheet you already have to fill out anyway for money?  It's about $1,538 gross pay, every paycheck to make that kind of money. 

Oh, I was given a fuel card today.  1 other driver was as well, the others weren't.  No idea if that meant anything, well to me that means I definitely have a job.  You're not issue fuel cards so you can be sent home because they don't want you there.  Dunno what that means for anyone else. 

And a strange phone call today.  My dad left my mom some sort of IRA worth some money to mom that he had started long ago.  I didn't know that until today, since mom called asking for information about it.  She needs the date of his death to proceed forward.

Thoughts came gushing into my mind.  My mother despised my dad. Literally, no opportunity spared to trash his name and his character to the point that one day, a few years ago, I told her I didn't want to hear that shit anymore. He's my dad, I understand you despise him, I don't.  But he's such a bad man that she's going after this money?  I have some very ill feelings about this.  I mean, I have been listening to hear for decades speak vile things about him. It never swayed my opinion about my dad, and I told her so, but to "take" money from him now? After all the shit she has continuously spouted off about him? 

Whoa! It just occurred to me that dad left my brothers a life insurance policy as well. They also have absolutely despised him.  Are they taking this money from him as well? I'm going to wait and see if my mom goes through with all of this and then yes, I am going to bring this up into her face if she receives the money.  He's such a terrible man, but you are collecting from him on a policy that he paid for, for you, all these years?  These are the types of things that will cause me to write off my own family. I have already gone there with my middle brother, but this type of shit will seal the door shut on the other 2 if they go through with this. 

Well, life never gets easier.

I got here - 509 miles later, got into my room, decided to run down the road and get something to eat.  I got to the bottom stop, dropped my phone and walaah.  Screen is ruined.  It was already cracked, but now it's dead in the water, I can't use it at all.  I'm pretty darn lucky I brought this laptop with me, number 1 and number 2, that they have free wifi here or otherwise I would be dead in the water.  I got that phone on long enough to see the address of the place I need to go to tomorrow and then the screen just went into a bunch of lines.  The phone itself is still working, I was glad to see that, it's just a bad screen.  

Hopefully I will be able to get it replaced tomorrow.  I mean, like as soon as they let us out, I'm already going to have directions to the nearest place that is open.  I'd bring my laptop to help with that, but since no internet without the phone, it will be useless. Just need to write down directions tonight and hope I find a good place that will get it done.  I mean, it doesn't take long for them to replace a screen, I know that from experience.

The trip here was unenventful, thank God. That car is getting old, it's got lots and lots of miles on it.  It's got problems too, but so far, the engine and tranny haven't given me any problems.  That thing will still cruise 90 mph without batting an eye.  I got in behind a guy that passed by me in Dallas and just so happened he was going the entire 300 plus miles up to Amarillo and who knows where beyond that.  I won't normally take the lead in speeding on highways cause of having a CDL, but I definitely wanted to get this trip over with.  

I've got 11-1/2 hours before I have to be over there in the morning, so I have time to relax, another big Thank God for that.  It's whatever.  I wouldn't have been able to use cell phone in class anyway.  But I please do not want to go through an entire week without it.  

Guess I'm a bit more dependent on the electronics age than I care to admit. And of course, in my haste to get out of the house I forgot my bible.  Plenty of online version, just find it a more stimulating experience to have a paper book in front of me.  I seem to be hitting brick walls alot, I need to understand why all of this is happening.  I don't, at this point, feel very good about this situation either.  Like it's just not the right move.  But I'm here, I'm going through their orientation and I'm going to drive their trucks for a while whether I like it or not.  If I made a mistake, I'm just going to have to live with it for a while. 

I'd very much rather be in business for myself.  I have always wanted to anyway, but it's a much greater desire now, and no that doesn't including owning my own truck.  I don't care anything about trucking, I just do it to earn a living.  Just after today, I realized how tired I am of driving.  Most any driving. Not quite as bad in a car, especially when I can fly down the highway, but stuck in a truck all day long?  It's just not my cup of tea anymore.  Life might not be too much fun for a while lol.

I'm going to have to figure out how to just talk all of this coming at me with a grain of salt. Shrug my shoulders, move on.  I used to have that down pretty good, just too much going on this year.  Dad dying wasn't the greatest news.  Mom having glaucoma that incompetent eye doctors missed - and therefore is going to lead to her being blind - wasn't so great either. Caleb's wedding was a very bright spot in all of that tho.  

I spent a good portion of the drive thinking about my mom tho.  I mean, at some point, she is going to need assisted living.  In fact, knowing mom and how much she enjoys the mountains and the views, and the idea that she is eventually going to lose her sight?  I don't want to speak on her behalf, but at her age I'm guessing the zest of life may leave with her eyesight going away.  The thing that is really eating at me is that she went to the eye doctor, faithfully,l as often as they said to. They "missed" it.  When she moved to Mesa, her new eye doctor about had a cow when he discovered she had glaucoma AND found out she had been going to an eye doctor for years.  How does this guy find it first time and these other ass***** miss it all that time?  

It pisses me off.  My thoughts, though, really are going to that day if this assistance is needed. I am not going to see my mother hauled off to some shit hole place where people are screaming for help 24 hours a day and lunatics and all the rest of it. I have spent enough time visiting those places, they are hell holes.  I get now why she's getting rid of everything.  She's taking it better than I am. But, she is resigned to the fact that she is too old to do much of anything about it.  She could literally sue that office for a lot of money - enough that she could just have a person living with her - but she isn't there yet.  I understand her reluctance to get involved in such things. She just wants to enjoy life.  

You see, that has eaten at me in recent times far more than this job situation.  But, there are so many things at so many angles it's just getting very stressful.  With all this stuff coursing through my brain, the last thing I want to do is sit through 5 days of listening to people droning on and on about whatever. That's a lot of talking, 40 hours worth.  I know they have valid reasons for it, I get that. I'm just going to have to dig deep and get through all of this.  

But you know? I started that last job and it went to s*** quickly.  So many things that just aren't going right.  What am I doing wrong here?  I'm not looking for a pity party here. I'm just writing out my thoughts.  It helps me figure things out - sometimes anyway.  

You know, and then there's Thanksgiving and Christmas. Those 2 days may or may not be off, from what I read you have to be available up to the day and the days after.  It's a safe bet new drivers are going to get dumped with anything like that.  Really wanted to go visit mom at either Thanksgiving or Christmas.
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Now Monday night.  Almost 9 pm at that.  I never knew how addicted I had become to cell phones.  I am going to have to deal with that.  24 hours without one felt like going off a drug  Tho there were legitimate reasons. The phone rang, the text messages were coming, but I couldn't answer the phone and I couldn't see the texts much less see who was sending them. I'm concerned about Donny at this point and I was really getting antsy about being in that classroom all day long without having any idea who was texting or calling me or why.

In fact, I still need to call my house in Phoenix back, totally spaced that.  I dunno what's going on there, but I've received 3 phone calls.  So, I guess I best pause this entry and find out what's going on......

____________________
And now Tuesday night.  Well, evening.  Today wasn't near as bad as Monday.  I slept better last night, even though I kept waking it, it was much better than Sunday night.  The mattress is plain too hard and I just keep waking up.  Probably some of what is going on in my life isn't helping, either.

Anyway, Rene is home now so at least the dogs have someone there that really shows them a lot of attention, which Addler is very much in love with the idea of endless attention.  I'm very much relieved she is there, actually.  First off, Donny's health and then second off, if something happens to him, the dogs being taken care of.

Anyway, 16 hours of training so far, with at least 16 more to come, possibly 24.  I kinda won't care about 24 more at this point, it's another day of paid training, which would make 6 days on a paycheck.

New Job Start Date: November 12, 2017

I'm not really sure what I am feeling now.
In about an hour I will be taking off out of here, headed for Amarillo.
I am looking at it as part vacation, since I will be holed up in a hotel that is, allegedly and from what I could see online of it, a pretty nice place. I wouldn't want to live in a hotel, but stays at the nicer ones are definitely fine by me.  I'm sure the reality of learning videos and listening to people drone on and on all day long will equalize that, tho.  I'm guessing tests as well.

There were multiple tests at the place on Friday, all of which, of course, you must pass with X amount of them correct or fail.

Addler understands now that when the suitcase comes out, I'm going somewhere.  He's not particularly in love with the suitcase lol.

I did not get the smoker put together yesterday, after everything I did in the morning and the afternoon, I decided that was enough for one day, I need a little bit of rest at least before going on this trip.  In fact, all these days off, really have been doing this and that and the other thing.  I had hoped for at least 2 consecutive days where I could just do nothing, but I can't complain too much.  I got time here and there to relax.

Welp, I have less than an hour to go here.  Not exactly sure why, but I am kind of nervous.  Not really sure why, tho I was having some dreams last night about this particular job and what it entails and they weren't pleasant dreams.

I really think it's just that the idea of being on the road all the time isn't particularly appealing to me.  Yet, here I am and this time I'm gonna have to stick this one out for a while.  Not going to look good on my resume to see that I started and quit too many jobs without sticking it out at one give place for at least a year.  Maybe longer.  I dunno. I'm going to write my start date down - which they are proclaiming as the 12th of November, 2017 (in case I lose the start date somewhere, there it is lol).

Which would be today actually.  Hmm, well all well and fine by me.  I'm being paid to drive over there plus mileage plus gas.  Plus per diem, plus hotel.  Can't really complain about that.  The TWIC card I applied for the other day is also going to be reimbursed and the time spent in class on Friday as well.  At least I'm on a time clock somewhere and getting paid right now.  My paycheck was not direct deposited on Friday, I am assuming because I quit that I am going to get a paper check sent in the mail.  I will give them until around Tuesday to get that to me before I decide to start making phone calls.  They owe me, in total, about $1,500 before taxes.

I am not broke, thankfully but I will be needing that money soon enough.  At least I am not having to pay for extraneous things off of credit cards, get that hemorrhaging stopped.  I really tried not to use them too much, but some situations I had no choice. That is what got me to getting up and getting out of my old job.  If you can't pay your basic bills and have some left over, you are not working at the right place.

Anyway, I need to finish packing, take a quick shower and get ready to get out of here.