Monday

I had 5 deliveries to make spread out all over the place today. Mesa; Queen Creek; Florence; Casa Grande. I was very surprised that it didn't take much longer than it did for me to do all of that.

My boss is leaving Wednesday ona week long vacation. So - he's missing at least 5 days of work - possibly more. He had mega-hours saved up of vacation time. Me? I have enough to take off 132 hours. That's what, 14 days? - or in terms of weeks - almost 3 full weeks of time that I can and want to take off.

Since I highly doubt I will be able to afford even a mini-vacation this year - opting instead to spend whatever monies I may run into on house projects - I am going to put in my bid for a vacation in June. June is, in Arizona and historically - the hottest month of the year. Last year's electric bill for that month proves it, too. June was a $410 total amount of electricity used, July and August were at least $50 per month less. I don't mind taking a vacation where I just stay home. Get up late, do some work around the house, take a lot of siestas, maybe rent several pay-per-view movies as my treat to myself.

I have thoughts running around in my head as to how to gain more income on a monthly basis. I would love to create another opportunity for another rental. Not in this house - well anyway, it's only in the "think about it" stages so I'm not really going to go into it right now.

So, coming home today, I see Duke limping. He did something to he left front leg and it definitely is not because of a dog fight. He go into something and it's hurting him - to the point that I gave him a couple of ibuprofen to relieve the pain. His face is starting to bloat up as well. I have managed, however, to keep the wound open so I can press the fluids out of it. Antibiotics should be here Wednesday. Now that I've found a place to buy it from, I'm going to keep a 100 count bottle on-hand for any occasion that warrants antibiotics. I have not even yet determined that Duke needs it - it just depends if his face continues to bloat or not.

Oh, hooray/kudos/awesome job! to the U.S. Navy that took out those pirates. The report I read said that Navy personnel on the warship saw a pirate lift an AK-47 to the back of the captured captain, and that's when the commander gave the order for the snipers to take them out. I'm going to tell you right now that I have absolutely NO problem with the deaths of those pirates. Going around acting like nothing can or will stop them - they need a dose of their own medicine. I don't know what they expected, playing cat and mouse games with the U.S. Navy and Navy Seals. Now the pirates are making brash statements that Americans are going to "pay for it". That's only going to cause the end of their subsistence. They start killing people - and especially Americans - do you think we're just going to sit around and take it? HIGHLY doubtful. I was elated to see the captain freed without harm! This was a MUCH better ending to this BS than I anticipated.

So, onto the negative crap. I have to write about it - it gives me some sort of outlet. I know, I bring this upon myself. Some people will think or even say that. So beit. I am a landlord with people living in rooms in my house that I don't really know or are related to me (though honestly, after 9 months of having Mary living here, I can pretty much read her like a book). The male tenant is causing me problems that I will not tolerate. Mainly, taking food out of my refrigerator and my pantry without asking, without permission, without even a thank you for the food he just stole from me. He took my mother's Easter ham that she gave me - a lot of it - and ate so much that my plans for having ham yesterday were quashed. I was going to feed myself and the boys with that and some potatoes and such. I ended up BBQ'ing chicken - which was quite delicious, but still.

I was going to just get in his face - I found the portion of video surveillance which shows him in the utility room, at night, with the utility room door closed and no lights on. My newest tenant - fortunately because it fully identified without doubt who did it - walked into the kitchen with a pile of clothes in her hands, she was going to the utility room to do some laundry.

Now, all the interior doors in my house have about a 2 inch gap at the bottom. This is for the AC - the AC system draws the air out of the rooms and back into the system to recool and then redistribute throughout the house. Well, my surveillance camera shows if there is a light on in there or not at night. Actually, that door is always open - it was closed earlier that day because we were watching a movie in here and didn't want to be disturbed by the noise of the washing machine.

There was no light on in there when she opened the door. When she DID open the door - surprise, surprise - there was the male tenant, standing there in the dark, eating my friggin' ham. Instead of getting in his face, I tried the "diplomatic" way. I left an extremely hostile message - inside of my refrigerator. Tenants have absolutely NO business being in that refrigerator, so if they see that message - well - they have no defense.

But, the situation is even worse. I was quite sure today I smelled cigarette smoke in my house. The new tenant has the phone in his room - that's my excuse to go in there - I use my home phone and not my company cell phone when I'm home. Sure enough, the room reeks of cigarette smoke.

Enough. I won't tolerate people smoking in my house, period. It's spelled out on my Craigslist ads that smoking is OUTSIDE ONLY - yes, in capital letters to exaggerate and make it stand out that I do not want anyone smoking in my house. I will be leaving him a written notice under his door. If it doesn't stop, I will evict him.

And enough of that. Just had to dump that somewhere, my blog is usually better than getting mad at someone and saying things I may later regret. Mary is gung-ho to do the tile project I want to have done in the living room, kitchen and utility room. I am hoping the stock market keeps going up - it will further increase the amount of money in my 401k, which is what I will use to fund the project. I have definitely decided that this is NOT my lifelong home. At the same time, to make it as appealing as possible, I want to do the things around here - inside as well - that make it very desirable to potential buyers. I'm going to have to change the oven and the refrigerator in here eventually as well. I imagine right now would be an awesome time to find very good, used versions of it - but - I only have so much.

Duke is already passed out - so to speak - on the floor after giving him 500 milligrams of ibuprofen. I will give him more tonight before we go to sleep and in the morning before I go to work and will buy another bottle tomorrow afternoon.

As for now? I'm done. With this entry anyway. I have thoughts of going outside and getting some work done - but those thoughts are fleeting, lol.

Hope you all had a great day!
ben

Easter

I think of all the holidays there are, Easter is the most important to me. Maybe not to everyone else, but - because Christ was resurrected, we have the hope of eternal life through Him.
Well, of course, the death and shed blood are obviously highly relevant to that factor as well - but the awesome thing is that Christ is not dead, laying in a tomb, nothing more than bones and hair somewhere. He is arisen and He is Lord!

Yes, that does excite me. The Lord has treated me very well in this short span of life that I have lived and I owe him my life, literally.
So, I just want to bid everyone a happy Easter and hope that folks that are so inclined, will take a moment to reflect on what Christ has done for us.

I have no great plans for today. I don't feel like doing anything. For some reason, the motivation levels have tapered off. Maybe I'll get some energy up later on to do some things that I want to get started on. I want to start jumping rope to add to the mix of things I am already doing. It sounds juvenile, but jump roping is GREAT cardio exercise and yes, it will burn fat if you are doing enough of them, continuously, for at least half and hour a day - 5 days a week.

I STILL have another trellis to put in the ground. Lol - just like I said, I'm really not at all motivated. However, that's a project I want to get done before the hot summer gets here - then I REALLY won't want to do it! Yesterday it rained a good portion of the day here and the ground is nicely saturated. I shouldn't have to water my plants for several days at least.

We all sat here last night and watched the movie: Knowing. Rather strange movie - very intense. I don't know how that website gets movies that are still in the theatres, but as long as it isn't illegal it doesn't bother me in the least.

Anyway, I'm done with this one as I have several things I want to check online and start the housecleaning rituals.

Happy Easter!
ben

Iran: We've Mastered Nuke Fuel Production

Here comes Armageddon.
The Bible speaks about 1/3rd of the earth being burned in the great Tribulation.
I often wonder if that will happen in my lifetime.

I mean, is anyone else concerned about Iran making this statement? They continuously make statements about the "need" for destroying Israel and America.

Israel, undoubtedly, is taking this as a serious threat to their national safety.

I wonder what the Obama administration is doing or going to do about this? A nation such as Iran would not just give up this capability - and frankly - I have no doubts they are seriously considering the use of warhead armed with a nuke to send over to Israel. One imagines Israel already having nukes aimed at various points across Iran already.

If it happens, it will be World War III and undoubtedly the end of life as we know it - if it's the Biblical future of a Great Tribulation.

Of course, I'm a religious nutcase. Well and fine. But if Iran sent nukes over to Israel, do you think Israel isn't already going to be sending nukes right back to them? And how will the world respond? Parts of the world will back Iran, other parts will back Israel.

I'm not going to get in fear - life will end for all of us in one way or another. It's just that it seems that this threat is only - really - being seriously considered by Israel, the nation that has the most threat of being on the receiving end of Iran's threats.

Ummmmm, whatever. Been reading this stuff for a while now, and now Iran comes out and makes this statement.

A nice time at mother's today. My middle brother showed up - and talked the entire time. I don't go to family get-togethers to get into fights, so I mostly keep my mouth shut at this point. My middle brother looks at me as some sort of inferior being. In fact, he looks at everyone that way, including my mother. I have no problem speaking my mind - but - in this case - it's pointless. Anyway, the food was quite good and my mother is always an excellent host. I wish she would consider moving this way - not that it's THAT far away, but - I have a hate for driving that cannot be fully explained in words. How can you be a truck driver and hate driving? Exactly. The idiot drivers in this town surpass all of America. There are deaths and horrific accidents on our freeways on a daily or almost daily basis. The callousness of people cutting off other drivers is nothing short of incredulous. I don't mind driving outside of the metropolitan area - but I absolutely HATE driving on Phoenix freeways.

I came home, unfortunately, to Duke having a couple of slices in his flesh on his face. I reviewed video surveillance to see if it was the 2 dogs fighting - I did not see any of that. I couldn't see, exactly, what caused it. Whatever the case, I used a garden hose and cleaned out the wound with running water for quite a while. If it is a bite wound, though, it's going to need antibiotics. I cannot afford $100 vet visits - I found an online site for antibiotics and immediately ordered a 100 count bottle. I want to keep antibiotics around here at this point. The dogs get into things and get cuts - and though I definitely do very good cleanings and keep cleaning the wounds, they sometimes get infected and then - you must have antibiotics for it.

Well, I'm not doing anything else today. It rained all night long and half the day today and is still raining periodically. Meaning the ground is saturated and I won't need to water plants for several days - 4 or 5 at least - excepting the plants I still have in pots from the nursery auction.

Anyway, I'm going to watch a movie - thusly ending this entry.
ben

Saturday

So - I'm going to my mother's today in lieu of tomorrow because of my brother's screwed up schedule. Just another sore spot with me - we are all expected to revolve around his schedule indefinitely. It's been going on at least 20 years now. I respect what he does for a living - but I don't expect that every single holiday that we get together that we should all have to deal with this. Today is NOT Easter, tomorrow is and that's the day I would rather get together with family.

Sounds petty - maybe it is, but as I said, it's been going on for over 2 decades. Then there's my oldest brother who isn't even going to bother to show up - he's going to his cabin up in the mountains.

I'm very edgy, unfortunately - quite moody is more like it. Since the day I found out my friend/co-worker was laid off, it's definitely not something that has just disappeared out of my mind.

Well, enough dumping. It rained last night - wish I hadn't missed it. It's still overcast and the sky is quite dark with a 40% chance of continuing rain - should be a great day, actually. In fact, days like this I just want to stay home, openthe windows in my bedroom and hang out. Another nice plus for rain is that my plants don't have to be watered, the sky did it for me!

I really have nothing else - just doing laundry and getting ready to go to mother's house - in about 4 or 5 hours from now. I'm opening up the house, letting in "fresh" air - Phoenix version.
Wishing you all a happy day.
ben

For Whatever Reason...........

..........I haven't really felt like writing much, lately, so I have just done short posts (well, they're short by my standards) and have given minimal information. I think my mind is on overload at this point with the situation at work and wondering on a daily basis if, when I arrive, I will leave in the same condition as I arrived: employed.
It's eating at me and I am losing sleep over it. I have strange dreams at night and wake up sometimes in a panic from the horror of the dream I just awoke out of. It's reminiscent of when my house burned down and I was seeing fire in front of me - visibly seeing something that wasn't there. Having horrific dreams about people burning up and all kinds of aftermath. This isn't near as bad as THAT, but it's bad enough.

It is also self-inflicted. When I wake up out of one of these dreams, I force myself to settle down, empty out my mind, and go back to sleep. The process of pointing fingers at entities, people and corporations isn't worth the energy spent. Though, I certainly look at particular people in the news and wonder. Greed, selfishness and self-centeredness are certainly adjectives that identify the psyche of some of these people.

Regardless, this is my explanation of why I haven't been my normal self on here. I have also been dealing with a certain tenant's "stuff" - which is basically an on-going thing. Get one person dealt with and something pops up with another. Someday, I won't need tenants. That day is not near in the future, that I can see, anyway. What it has done for me, however, is solidify the idea that I could be successful at renting out houses, or even owning a small apartment complex or even a room house. After having so much go on, you tend to gain a certain - view - of things about people living in your rooms and at least for me, tend to get very blunt with people doing things that are totally unacceptable. I have developed a modus operandi that works quite well for me, which 99% of the time starts with a notice given to the offender - or less in-your-face - a notice on the appliance or place that a certain mishap is occuring.

The newest tenant is a real gem in terms of treating my house and respecting it. Were that all people were that way. Mary is good, though, too, she likes a clean place and does her share. It's the 3rd tenant that doesn't much care for cleaning. He's on the line in terms of slobbishness.

Anyway, if I get to the point I don't want to deal with the s***, I end up going to my bedroom, plopping myself on my bed and watching TV with my dogs - who have their issues - but always show me a dog's version of "love". My dogs are always laying in view of me. Not because I make them, but because they want to be able to see what I am doing - for whatever reason I cannot fathom. Tenants have become very wary of disturbing me in my bedroom, mainly because I highly and openly object to it. If I'm in there, it's because I DON'T want to be bothered. People that might have knocked loudly now knock very lightly - and it better be something that needs immediate attention. This is very rare anymore. People walking into my room either with or without knocking without my permission is a past issue. I mean, really. You're laying in your bed, enjoying a show, petting a dog, minding your own business and a tenant comes barging into your bedroom? My reaction is not pretty - I will freely admit that.

Now, for those readers that have been coming here forever and I haven't done any updates - Michael and his family. Michael is undoubtedly going to flunk several, if not all, classes. I really don't know that for a fact, but he has missed far too much school for various "reasons". His mother approves it, gives him permission.
Anthony? ....is doing absolutely nothing but getting stoned all day long and watching TV at his mother's expense. His friend - the kid that burned down the house in exchange for marijuana - is out of jail and is living with them as well. I know these people very well, so I am guessing that there are more people living in that place than is - I don't know the word. I have a count of known people living there: 13 which includes Michael. I don't know if the grandfather is out of jail yet. I do know that always, they end up with various people I have no clue who they are living with them as well. So, I would be very well within reason to expect that at least 15 people are living in a 3 bedroom townhouse.

Michael was forced to start living there again - at Christmas now that I think about it. However, he talks his way into coming over here during the week regardless. He spent all of one night at his family's house this week - the rest was over here. That gives an idea of what must be going on over there. I remember being a teenager - I most certainly wanted my privacy and I definitely did not want everyone getting into my things. Which is non-existent in an environment such as theirs.

Caleb - got 2 D's in school. Which annoyed me greatly. He has his excuses and I summarily reject them. I don't accept the modern-day analysis of - conditions and drugs that correct them and all the bs that the "experts" assess. That shit didn't even exist 30 years ago - you were a lazy ass that didn't want to apply yourself and your parents would make you pay. Think that abusive? Think what you will, I'm old school and I don't accept all this crap of - the endless list of conditions that they have invented to disguise why a person "can't" do something and should be put on some kind of friggin' drug to fix it. Caleb will pay for it, is all I can say about it. Quality time alone in his room without TV or anything else for that matter always helps a person to think about why they are sitting in there with nothing to do - it's much like prison.

Me? Stressed. Definitely. Not helping things, either. Driving a semi is something better done relaxed. I have to force myself into that state of mind and put appropriate music on to help me get there.

More distractions with people/interupions and this is done cause' it's now time to go to bed.

G'nite!
ben

Friday

A truck driver that gets a truck stuck? Not the first time in my life!
I was attempting to turn around at a construction site and - there was about a 1 foot drop off on one side of the truck. I went over that, the frame of the trailer sat right down on one of the tires on the driver's side, the passenger side tires - all of them - weren't even touching the ground!
lol. Fortunately, construction sites have lots of heavy equipment all over the place - got out my chain and a backhoe pulled that sucker right out of the predicament.

I have, however, gotten trucks stuck so bad, that they had to use a bulldozer on one end of the truck and a giant excavator on the other end. I was pulling a belly dump and they were making us drive through thick mud in an open field. Almost every truck was getting stuck.

Anyway, it was all good. This was a fairly busy week - and Monday is more of the same, I already have the semi loaded with 5 different deliveries going all over creation. It will be about a 17k day - not great, but definitely not bad.

Ummm - so - it's Easter weekend and I'm still waiting to find out which day we are celebrating it. Our holiday feasts usually revolve around my middle brother's whacked schedule. If we want him there, we have to accomodate for him, which we always do - and which at least half the time means we don't actually celebrate whatever holiday on the day it's supposed to be celebrated. He's supposed to get his son from his ex-wife - who isn't going to let him have him, even though my bro has court orders showing that he gets him this Easter.

Not worth going into, a long story and it's been going on for years now.

So, I'm reading about pirates who are "not afraid of the Americans" and will "fight them if we have to". ???? ROFL!!! So, a small group of punk pirates are going to take on a Naval warship? What kind of weaponry do you suppose is aimed at that little boat that is holding that captain hostage right now? Enough to blow that thing and everyone on it into nothingness. What an unbelieavbly stupid statement to make. Now, when is the world going to get sick of this s*** and go into that country and establish some sort of government? I figure about the time people start getting killed. That's undoubtedly what it's going to take to get the ire of nations around the world up enough to want to go in and do something about that garbage.

Easter aside - whichever day we celebrate that - I am going to dig out the holes to install the other trellis. I should hopefully have that done by this weekend. I have decided to put trellises up in front of a couple of windows that get tormented by searing heat from the sun glaring through them. Or - if I find something else that has a different look that I can put up in front of it, fine and well. If it's all trellises, then I need 7 more of them.

Anyway, I figure Easter with family and putting in some trellises? That's going to be the extent of my weekend - the rest will be lazing around doing nothing as I am not very motivated at this point.

Today is Good Friday - which I doubt half Americans even know what that means anymore - but, definitely, it is for us, the gentiles of the world of whom can find salvation through Christ for the sacrifice He made at the Cross of Calvary. I am always thanking God for the cross and the death of Christ - without which - I believe anyway - I would be facing a not-so-pleasant eternity. Thank you, thank you Lord! Even more awesome - Easter - His Resurrection!

Have a great - and blessed - day!
ben

Thursday

Another busy and long day at work.
And a good day for sales, too - almost 40k worth.
Although no more news of continued layoffs - which is a good thing - there was news of some of the trucks being sold off. No need for them since we have gotten rid of some drivers. I think the company mandates that you don't have more trucks than drivers. Duhhh, of course. What I mean is, if you have 5 trucks, but are forced to layoff a driver, you can't keep 5 trucks, you have to sell one of them. So, a semi is getting said goodbye to and 2 10-wheelers.

I dunno. I was just glad to see that there was some sort of actual numbers coming into our store today. The boss had to let go of one delivery - which sucked, but what are you going to do? I'm the only driver and he can't take off - he has to run the store. I'm ALL for taking every single delivery that comes our way. But, I was making a delivery to Williams Gateway Airport and then to a jobsite in Casa Grande, and then back to Phoenix for pickups and then back to the yard. No time for a 3rd delivery. Oh, I forgot about the flat tire on the trailer - had to stop and get that fixed, too.

Anyway, it wasn't bad news about the trucks - our store is keeping the semi so no big deal to me. We couldn't get along without a semi. Sure, there are plenty of smaller deliveries, but there are also plenty of deliveries that only a semi can carry. Perhaps you could make multiple trips with a smaller truck - but then you are dooming yourself to losing money by both having to pay for fuel and man-hours for more than one trip and also possibly losing another delivery because you're caught up trying to get everything to a jobsite in 2 or even 3 deliveries worth. And then there's the 40 foot long pipe we deliver. That simply can't go on a small truck.

It was very cool this morning - which always puzzles me later on in the day - ie: right now because it's very warm and the AC is running.

I guess I'm saying that right now? I'm tired and I think I"m going to take a nap. I could get used to having these busy days again on a permanent basis - the energy spent is awesome!

C'yall later (or tomorrow).
ben

Wednesday

What a day! Downtown to pick up 40 foot sticks of HDPE pipe; Coolidge to deliver it; Florence to deliver yet even more pipe; back downtown to pick up MORE pipe and fittings for a delivery tomorrow.

That cashed the entire day. I have been going since 5:30 this morning and just now am finally able to slow down and take a break.

I'm definitely not complaining. Today's deliveries were small in terms of the money, but tomorrow looks to be a 35k day, which in these times, is quite good. The funny thing about tomorrow's deliveries was the boss's call about it. I had already pulled most of an order for tomorrow - a 20k order - this morning before I left. I can't show up to work and take off anymore in one of the trucks - there are only 2 of us running the store. My boss shows up later than I do, usually at least by an hour-and-a-half while he goes downtown to pick up parts and does whatever running around that needs to be done. So - if there are orders to pull - even for a week away, that's what I will do until the boss gets there and then I take off.

Anyway, he calls and is sounding hesitant about a second order that came through. Close to 15k worth, let's do it. I'm all for saving my job, anyone else? The more money that comes through that store, the greater potential that corporate might keep it open and - I don't get laid off. It also sounded like yet another order might be put into the system for our store tommorrow - as I say, the more the merrier. Get the number to an even minimal level is better than the stuff I've seen for the last 2 months, the lowest numbers that store has put out since it opened, I think.

Well, anyway, I took part of my break time after I made the 2 deliveries and was heading downtown to pick up a roll of fabric in Gilbert. A lady had it advertised on Craigslist. It took me all of 10 minutes to execute that - and I was very happy with the fabric as well. It's a southwest decor and there is enough there to cover at least the entire area of the sliding glass doors - in attaching it to styrofoam sheets. C'mon, styrofoam sheets would like so very tacky, more like trailer trashish, I just wasn't going to do it like that if I didn't have to. I don't even have the styrofoam yet, but I hope to get it in the next week or so. I just can't haul it home on my car - it would tear apart in the wind and try to come off the roof of the car even if I have it tied down well.

Anyway - I have always loved long days at work where there is no time to do anything but keep on moving. The day passes quickly and it's over before you know what happened to it.

Here? Nothing at the moment. My Leopard dog was, for whatever reason, very happy to see me come home today. She was dancing around and jumping up and down and going hot crazy. I thought maybe she had gotten into something, but I didn't see anything out of the ordinary. The weekly grocery ads came today - and I'm gonna kick back and takalookit them.

Hope you all had a great day!
ben

Tuesday

Well, we did a little bit in terms of deliveries today - but hardly enough to say it was a great day in terms of sales. It isn't really affecting anything - yet anyway - in terms of too few people - all 2 of us - in order to get everything done. Costs are continuing to be cut at every corner. I won't be surprised when the free coffee is taken away. I drink a pot a day - regardless of whether it's hot or cold outside. I will either have to buy my own for work if/when that happens - or try to quit altogether. The latter doesn't sound particularly fun.

It's pretty warm outside right now. It's 90 degrees right now and obviously, I have to run the AC in such conditions.

My thoughts are running rampant in the area of how to survive all this mess. I am EVER so tempted to just pay off that loan and then take out as much as I can in a new one. Not so I can blow it, but so I can have some money in case of a dire emergency - such as getting laid off. I hope that doesn't happen, but I certainly have no guarantees. I also need to buy more stuff for outside to block the sun from hitting the house. As warm as it is right now - the sun is greatly heating the kitchen area by ramming it's heat through the sliding glass door. The thermostat is all of 16 feet away from that door, directly in line with it. It's just a waste to let the sun continue to come in like that and not do anything to block it out.

I just have no real direction right now - which is usually a pretty good sign to really seek the Lord and ask for His direction. I don't want to do something that will blow up in my face.

Anyway, I have more but I have been draining myself lately in the thought department and would like to go take a little nap.
Later.
ben

Trepidation

I was at Subway today - a frequent haunt for me. I have done away with a lot of stuff as far as excesses in my life - I have not done away with the trips to Subway to get a salad. I told the manager that my coworker had been laid off. She said wow - and then commented how he had told her that he was going around submitting resumes all over the place for part-time work. Further stated that he didn't want management to know about it.

Odd. When I decided that I was going to look for a second job, I told management first. "Is there a problem with me looking and maybe finding a part-time job to supplement my income?" - after I lost my OT hours. Nope. Even more odd, to me, because he never said nothing to me about it. We talked a lot about everything.

Uhhh, whatever. The company is desperately looking to find a way to keep the stores open. They have tried to re-negotiate the lease at my branch - the result was an offer of lessor monthly rent payments. Don't know that the offer is enough. Don't know that, in these times, landlords of warehouses should be getting to strict about it. They're going to have to pay the penalty as everyone else is. It was a fairly substantial amount of reduced rent - but not as much as our company demanded. The point? If it isn't low enough, talk about moving to a different building somewhere.

Now, that doesn't bother me greatly - excepting the fact of the amount of material that is sitting at our yard. To move ALL of that? I dunno - 20 truckloads at least. Yes - that's at least 20, 48-foot flatbed trailer-loads loaded to the gills with material. If we have to move, we have to move, I'm in for the game. My only statement was: I hope we have help.

Ummm, I'm done. I did not sleep well last night. I went to bed at 8:30 only to wake up at 10:30. I woke up several times during the night - and - it's just not fun trying to sleep with a brainful of junk that needs to be unloaded somewhere.
I'm hoping I can stay awake this evening for today's episode of 24.

I hope you all are doing - as well as you can depending on your circumstances.
G'nite.
ben

Monday Morning

It's a strange day here.
My now laid-off co-worker isn't here. Kind of eerie - we got along well and worked side-by-side for a couple of years now. I can't imagine what must be going through his head right now.
The change was certainly justified by the lack of numbers at this store - but it's true at all of our stores right now. I just can't help but think he and a million more like him are going to have an awfully difficult time finding a new job. It's getting pretty scary out there.
I'm definitely getting the gears grinding in my brain: what if the same thing happens to me?
Unemployment line would be first order of business, of course.
After that? I don't really want to think about the potential consequences.
But - I do want to get my old car in running order in case the unthinkable happens.
It needs a new battery, a harmonic balancer and some other, minor repairs.

I'm still considering paying off the 401k loan early and getting that money into a savings account where I can access it in case "something" happens. It's only 3 months away until it's paid off - but a lot can happen in the span of 3 months.

Meanwhile, I'm definitely moving forward with the stuff I'm doing to try and keep energy bills down this coming summer - which is just around the corner.

I just have this sick feeling in my gut this morning that I can't seem to shake. My mind tends to deal with extreme negativity in terms of news received in ways that are shown outwardly in a physical way.

Well, I'm just going to go about my business today and - eventually get over it.
ben

Final

Tomorrow marks the first day I have worked at this company I am working at at a store with only 2 people manning it. That isn't a lot of people to take on that much duties. It isn't impossible right now, though - workload has been relatively light. I do figure that my workday will increase in volume to the point that there will be no - inventing things to do - type of scenarios.

I spent the afternoon visiting with people. It is very nice outside and I would far rather spend a weekend outside than sitting indoors. Those of you that are stuck inside during the winter? I do the same thing during the summer. I mean - really - the heat just gets too intense.

I also cemented 2 - 2X3X8 pieces of wood into the ground. I'll be able to hang my first trellis tomorrow or the next day and then work from there.

I'm just - not quite here. I'm still in the ozone about the things going on at work. Undoubtedly, there will be announcements tomorrow about everything that may be going beyond the "staff reduction". I dunno. I'm just happy to be employed right now and at the same time, loving the job I am working at.

Hope you all had a good weekend.
ben

Sunday

Always lovely to come out to a nice, quiet kitchen and living room. Only other living creatures in the area are dogs laying at my feet : )

My agenda today is nothing too terribly grand. I have to go buy 3 more bags of concrete for the posts I am putting in the ground to hold up the trellises. I decided to concrete them into the ground so I don't have to put the 2X4's too far in. That leaves the post far enough out of the ground to be covering most of the vertical portion of the wall they are intended to cover. Really, the hardest part of this "job" is just putting in the posts. Hanging the trellises will be easy - some wood screws up and down the trellis going into the wood beam and that's it. I will also treat the wood with some stuff I already have to keep it from rotting away too quickly due to the elements.

Other than that - I decided on an impromptu little get-together. Nothing grand, just a few people coming that want to eat. I still have some meat left-over from last weekend and want to use it. Which reminds me - I must get that stuff out of the freezer and start thawing it. There wasn't any great response - maybe 20 emails of which 10 were comments about what I am doing (good comments) and the rest saying they would like to come. Figure half of those won't show so, yes, just a small little gathering.

I also still have sodas leftover, plus some very good potato salad. Meaning I don't have to buy anything, just get it out, cook it and it's done.

Whatever. I have laundry and other duties to do today as well - gonna get at it.
Have a great day!
ben

Afternoon

I sat outside for much of the afternoon.
I dug some holes for the trellises but decided I wanted to coat the 2X4's with some stuff to help preserve it before sinking it into the ground. They won't last forever, but - 5 - 10 years anyway. I also want to cement them into the ground, and I only have 1 bag of cement.

I also discovered that a 4X8 trellis stood upright is perfect for the area it's covering. I have 2 trellises, I will need at least 4 more plus 2X4's - but no hardware besides wood screws.

I'm still pretty dazed about today's revelation at work. There is, undoubtedly, more to come. I won't be "getting over" it this weekend, I will, instead, be thinking about the ramifications. It's not all bad. There is always opportunity. My opportunity is to shine even more - do whatever I can - work my ass off - get good attention versus negative - towards my efforts to make things work. I will be busy at this point. There will be no more boring days, I don't think anyway. Between my driving duties and undoubted new warehousing opportunities, it should get better in terms of day's spent working versus days spent trying to invent things to do.

3 boys laying around sleeping. Are they on drugs? Extremely doubtful. More like they stayed up way too late last night. Michael is vehemently opposed to drug use. My son and J.D. are all on the same page. Probably one of the reasons they hang out - they don't smoke weed like a mass of other kids are doing nowadays and have something in common. I am not naieve - obviously any or all of them could give into. I smoked pot in my teens for 7 years straight - I have a very keen sense of who's smoking. The signs are fairly obvious. No. J.D. is the straightest kid around - he sleeps alot. He comes over here and dozes off frequently. Currently laying on Michael's bed, totally passed out. Michael - currently laying on the couch - sleeping. Caleb - currently in his bedroom - sleeping. Not a normal event, no. But - I observed all 3 of them intently and saw no sign of drug use. I only say that because it is so very rampant - the free flow of drugs - in these parts.

As for me, I'm going to bed early. The day has had enough toll on me. I called my now ex-coworker - he had his cellphone turned off. Can always tell when it goes immediately to voice mail - that or the person is on the phone at the time of the intended call. I left a message and offered my condolences for the loss of his job and my hopes that he will be able to find another in short order. I feel very bad for him. He is married, doesn't have any kids, so - not that bad. His wife works and there is still income. I have listened to him talking about his home life intently for a couple of years now - he could definitely cut out more stuff and still be doing okay. Not that I wish that upon people - but when times get tough, it's time to toughen up. I have to sit here with a hide of alligator at times. The stuff the sometimes comes at me can be hard-to-take.

I mostly just let it bounce off of me and respond according to what the situation dictates. I only say that because I have 3 tenants - equating to strangers - living in here and the mix of personalities goes to all ends of the spectrum. Toughening up means doing things you don't want to do. That's all I'm saying.

And all I'm saying now? I'm heading to my bedroom cause' I want to get some stuff done tomorrow which doesn't leave room for idling around the kitchen.
ben

Saturday - Layoffs

I JUST got a call from my boss. My boss calling me on a Saturday morning at 11:00am is definitely not a normal thing - I braced myself. But not too much - if I were getting laid-off, they most certainly wouldn't do it over the phone. My company has a lot more class than that, I do believe.

So, I'm thinking - maybe an emergency that needs some material delivered somewhere? Or - the really bad stuff.

It was the really bad stuff. My friend/co-worker was laid off Friday after I left work for the weekend. I kind of had to sit down on that one. 2 reasons: I hate to see him lose his job - his family is already struggling, and 2, because after I listened to my boss, I realized I have just dodged another bullet. Kinda took the wind right out of me. Literally.

I'm really kind of phased and dazed right now. I don't know what to say. My friend and I have talked about the possibility of losing our jobs - the writing was on the wall. I have talked on here - just yesterday or the day before in fact - well it was in regards to the manager's meeting. I knew something was coming down the pike, and here it is. I don't know if anyone else was let go as well, but I wouldn't be surprised if that happened as well.

So, I'm just sitting here absorbing this. Our store is down to 2 people: my boss and I. The store has to have a driver - they don't operate without one. If one of our stores doesn't have a driver, that's cause that store is being shut down, which hasn't happened yet. I will be taking on alot more responsibility, undoubtedly, in counting freight and putting it away, pulling orders, and doing most everything. The boss is a worker - he won't just dump it all on me, but if we get busy, it could get interesting. Regardless, I'm going to rise to meet the challenge and hopefully continue to prove myself someone worth keeping, if that possiblity exists. The company is going to continue to downsize as the market "adjusts".

I'm glad I got some thing cleared out today, because now? I'm not going to do anything. I'm not sulking, it's more like I bullet just grazed my head and I survived, but now looking at what could have happened. My only response is that I'm a survivalist and I will do whatever I have to - within moral limits - to survive. I don't much care for that word - it has some sort of stigma with me in my mind for whatever reason - but - it's my reality and a lot more people's right now.

Well, anyway, I'm going to kick around the house and try to do some things that might just take all of this off of my mind. Wish me luck with that.
ben

Friday

Not a bad day at work. I had to load the semi this morning with 1180 feet of storm drainage pipe and some fittings to go with it and then deliver it to a jobsite in Casa Grande.

This is a new startup, so I hadn't been to this site before.

There was a HUGE problem with the entrance to this place. I got to the site and stopped in the right lane of the street with flashers blinking - very low traffic so no big deal. I look at the entrance - there is NO WAY - ANY vehicle is getting through there besides earth-moving equipment.

A loader operation looks at me and waves me down the street. Oh, okay, there's another entrance. Blaaaaaaahhhhh. The entrance? A friggin' dirt driving with barriers on either side and only wide enough for the truck. I had to swing into oncoming traffic lanes to make that turn. I go down 100 feet and am greeted by a fence with gate.

Problem? Yes. The gate is on the right side of the "road". The road is only barely wide enough for the truck. There IS no room to swing to get the trailer in there. I'm always game for a new challenge, I love that stuff. I got the truck and trailer angled in such a way that I got the truck in there - with less than an inch of space on one side and maybe an inch on the other, it was that tight.

Managers and big bosses were all in a meeting at the main branch today. I could guess what was being discussed and I'm 95% sure my guesses would be correct. I heard a bit of news, but - there is confidentiality in what is being discussed in those meetings, it's not being let out. "Stuff" is coming down the pike, that's a given. I'm bracing myself for whatever is to come. It's just granted that there are going to be more layoffs. I don't wish that on any of my co-workers - or myself - but - it's going to happen. I don't know who, I didn't hear this from anyone, I just feel it. Just like I felt it the last 2 times.

I'm also guessing they're going to be closing down the store in Buckeye. Purely a guess - but unless they get their numbers up out there, it's a given. As I said, I'm bracing myself. Plan B - would be move out of my bedroom, leave the furniture in there and rent out a furnished room for $500 a month. Plan B would include unemployment benefits if it came to that. Plan B would probably work for a while, anyway. Yes, I would be moving into my son's room, and I would be leaving it up to him whether he wanted to continue to come over or not. I will not lose my property without a serious battle first. To lose this property would mean losing the ideal of owning property - probably forever. My entire lifestyle would change dramatically. I would also have to lose the dogs, or at least the Danes and maybe the Dane mix.

I'm not scared - I have been in these places before. But I am apprehensive. There was obviously stuff talked about today in that meeting that is going to affect all of us, somehow. I can't get information that can't be given, so I'm just going to go to work on Monday and hope - I still have a job. As I said, I have been preparing my mind and being for whatever comes my way. Whatever is doled out, I will take it in, and if it's extremely negative - absorb it, dwell it on for a short time - and dump it. I simply can't afford emotion in such an economic atmosphere - certainly when it comes to finances, emotion is on hold. A clear thinking head is the only way through such things, emotion can so greatly taint the way a person thinks. I have been guilty of it in the past, but right now, not.

I will undoubtedly spend my weekend thinking about this. There is not getting around it. The news that another 600 hundred plus thousand jobs were shed last month was hardly anything to get joyous about. It just means the economy is nowhere near coming back to life, regardless of what Bernanke says. My company is no different - they're in survival mode. I am in survival mode. I am putting certain projects on hold and am going to dump at least a couple more hundred bucks into my savings account. The rainy day is coming - I feel it - I want to be at least somewhat prepared for it.

But, I already have those trellises and everything I need to put that stuff together, so I'm definitely going to do that. And the cheapest thing to do for blocking out the sun's hot rays on the west side of the house is the styrofoam, so I'm also going there as well. That wont' cost more than $40 or $50 total, money WELL spent to SAVE money on electricity.

There are other things, but I am rather consumed by what's going on at work right now. Then again, so are alot of you/us. Money is so tight, that I am going to switch semi-trailers on Monday instead of them buying new tires for it. They have a trailer sitting there that is not being used and it has very good tires on it. The trailer I'm dragging all over creation right now has tires down to the wear bars. Wear bars are simply a piece of raised rubber stuck in the grooves of the tire. When you get to that bump, your tires are out of DOT specs and if you are caught, your truck will be put out-of-service and you will have to have that vehicle either towed out of there or have the tires replaced right there on the side of the road. I don't really care which trailer I pull, so no big deal to me. As long as it has slider rails for the winches on both sides of the trailer. If it does not (I don't remember on that trailer), it's a huge pain in the @$$ to work with. Maybe see if they could just take the tires off of that trailer and put them on the one I am using now.

Anyway, my son called, it's time to go pick him up and Michael just called wanting to be picked up at the Jack In The Box just down the street from where Caleb is.

Hasta la vista!
ben

Thursday

Today was my kind of day - at work that is.
Driving all over the place, delivering this, picking up that - driving the semi.
Of course, not all is rosy out there. The number of idiots driving on the roads in the Phoenix area undoubtedly surpasses the number of sane people behind the wheel. I couldn't tell you how many times I was cut off - extremely cut off - by morons that just HAD to get around the truck - slam on their brakes and then make a right hand turn directly in front of me........or making sudden lane changes in traffic without warning and stuffing their vehicle DIRECTLY in front of the truck.

If those people had any clue how dangerous that is - maybe they wouldn't do it. I would love to see states force people to go through driver training which includes videos and pictures of what happens to vehicles when they cut off trucks ..........and it doesn't turn out too well. I've seen the videos and the pics: trucks that have run clean over the car; trucks whose front axles are buried in the back seat of the car; cars that have been turned literally into a pancake. They don't live through those sorts of things.

Indeed. Tomorrow is Friday and I fully expect rental payments from 2 tenants. Mary already paid hers. Mary also planted the flowers she bought yesterday and they are nice. I offered to pay her back for them - to preclude any future junk - and when that was rejected, I offered to pay half. It's a donation. All well and fine - as long as it doesn't become an issue somewhere down the road. Everyone here is on the bi-weekly payment plan.

I expect problems, however, from one particular tenant who has allegedly been sent home early from work - like every day this week. Today? He's home and offered no explanation. Not that I need one - until it's time to pay the rent, which would be tomorrow. I have become somewhat calloused in the arena of paying rent and paying it on-time - especially considering I collect security deposits from everyone. Don't pay your rent? Homeless shelter is in downtown Phoenix. I don't mean to sound cruel, but I have had enough with people playing games with rental payments.

However, this guy has yet to miss a beat. However again - even if he covers the rent, he will have little left over, I am imagining, to eat with. There is much information I am leaving out here - but it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what's going to start unfolding......and what's already been happening. It's one of the reasons I have 3 tenants in here - when one starts having "financial issues" - I don't have to go into a panic and start wondering how I am going to pay bills. Or get behind on the mortgage. Or whatever.

On another note, my dad sent me yet another $100.00. He sent me an email and told me he would send me money on a regular basis (no, I didn't ask for it, but I certainly won't be turning it down) to help me through this economic crisis. I'm guessing now that I will be receiving a $100.00 check from him every month, since it was a month ago that I received the first one. He has a pension and some other thing that gives him money every month and assuming social security. Again - I'm very happy both my parents are well-off enough that I don't have to worry about them in that aspect.

Now? Daily routine - clean up dog crap. I watered plants yesterday but I am going to go out there and water certain plants again. Oh, and the other arguments put in my brain concerning my dad's money: 1. Transfer it to my ING savings account. 2. More Palomino Gold granite. I don't have enough coverage. 3. Dump it onto the power card reader.

I'll be thinking about that for a while before I make a decision - but not a long while. Like - today and possibly into tomorrow. Too many things need done around here.

As for now, I'm signing off of this one and bidding you a good evening.
ben

Dear Self...........

..........do you remember the trellises you bought weeks ago now and are sitting out there, waiting for you to install?
Dear Brain:
Oh, yes, I remember that now!
Self: Well, when are you going to GET to DOING that project?
Brain: Ummm, I had totally forgotten about it.
Self: List of things to do this weekend: Trellis installation.
Brain: Well you don't have to be PUSHY about!

Yes - it just totally eluded me - that project I bought the parts for and did nothing with.
I'll be working on that this weekend.
I have other things on the backburner: Have done nothing with this list of names from last weekend - however - I didn't expect to do anything until this weekend.
Anyway - have a great day!
ben

Wednesday

Don't ask me why, cause' I really don't know - I slept terribly last night.
I was so out of it today, I'm still surprised I made it through work. Especially considering there wasn't much of anything going on. I HATE when I can't sleep.
I came home and passed out for 40 minutes and then forced myself to get up so I wouldn't just sleep for hours and then - have the same problem again tonight.

There isn't much "news" here. Well, there is a problem with a certain tenant that I have written about on here before - and it isn't Mary - who appears to be behaving quite nicely for the time being. A particular person who isn't making enough money to support his "habits" and still eat and such - is therefore - taking other people's food - and such.

Smoking and drinking are vices. These are not things that a person should expect other people to support for them. Well, I'm just not feeling very energetic right now - as I haven't in 2 or 3 days now - so I'll rest it for a later date. Though - the situation is coming to a head.

I suppose, now that I think about it, there are a lot of things going on - but I have absolutely no energy to write about it. I forced myself to do freeweights this afternoon regardless of how I felt - and that pretty much cashed me of energy. I don't really look like I've been working out all that much as far as visual confirmation is concerned - but I have been easing into the freeweights. Eventually the grown muscle will increase the metabolism will burn calories will reduce fat. I have tried dieting - but I have always known that dieting alone doesn't really work that well. You must couple it with exercise, and more specifically - weight training/resistance training is the best - though I totally prefer freeweights over resistance machines any day.

If you look at people that diet and do cardio exercises but don't do any weight/resistance training - well - the comparison to someone that is dieting; weight training and doing cardio workouts is palpable. Not dissing cardio - it's very good for you - but in terms of dumping fat - it's only a piece of the pie.

Anyway, I'm still slowly getting back on track concerning exercise.
As for this day? Done.
G'nite.
ben

Can any computer genius please tell me something about these wireless networks?!...
I have a router sending out the signal to 2 computers in my house. My computer is directly wired - doesn't use the router signal being "sent through the air" to get internet.
The question is, is someone else on one of the computers in my house able to see what I am doing on my computer? This question has been bothering me for some time now, just wondering what the reality of it is. I pay bills and such online and really do not want someone else in here getting access to bank account numbers.

Vet takes down flag that is flying UNDER a mexican flag



The video speaks for itself.
A nice day today at work. There was nothing yesterday in the truck routing system for deliveries this morning, but when I got to work, well, totally different story. Long story short- I was all over the place. Phoenix; Valley Farms and Florence. Took most of the day to accomplish. Today is end of month - we're going to get out whatever we can.

Folks, if someone calls you tomorrow and tells you you won a million dollars, or that your car has just been stolen, or whatever - remember - it's April Fool's Day! Lol, I always play tricks on numerous people and usually am quite successful at getting them all riled up - APRIL FOOL'S!!!!

Just thought I'd throw that in there - many people forget about that particular day and then end up on the receiving end of a joke. Knowledge in advance? You could take THEM for a ride and dream up your own counter-offensive. For example, someone calls and tells you your car has just been stolen. "It's okay, I have the car booby-trapped with a bomb. It will detonate shortly and they will not even have the chance to wish that they hadn't fooled with MY car". Something mundane like that.

Anyway, something that has been milling around my head for months now - getting those Danes neutered. I finally found a place that isn't freakin' out of this world for the price: $150 per dog. They have a set price for dogs up to 70 pounds and then a buck per pound after that. The cheapest I found before this? Almost $300 per dog. Just because they are so large. Definitely thinking of how to come up with that money and get Duke done first. Duke has some temperamental issues that I think neutering would take care of.

So - now - I have to come up with a date for a meeting for a potential Neighborhood Association for those individuals that were interested to come over, have a little BBQ, see if we can come to some kind of agreement on forming a board of directors and at least get the thing rolled out.

I'm just going through the list of things here - not gonna take too long on this entry, either.

In fact, I'm pretty much done here.
I have some things I need to get done outside.
ben

Monday

Amazingly, I woke up feeling pretty good this morning. Just reaffirmed to me that having a party like that on a Saturday is a far better idea than doing it on a Sunday.
I called Target today attempting to get them to "fix" the problem that was created by the defective product they sold me. I bought that grill, what - in November? That thing is only 4 months old! Maybe 5, I don't really remember.

Yes, I fixed the problem by buying a new regulator valve for it, but who would expect to have to replace something like that so soon after buying a grill like that? That thing should last next to forever. Target was unyielding. I called corporate - they couldn't have cared less how much trouble their attitude towards helping me with my problem caused in not just selling me a valve - or even giving me one - off a floor model.

I'm not done with that, yet, but I have no desire to follow through with that today. Amana probably has some kind of manufacturer's warranty on it which I will try next. I just couldn't believe Target's apathetic attitude towards a situation that they could have easily fixed without all the attitudinal problems.

Anyway, I was pretty much busy at work all day - driving to Casa Grande, back to the yard, then to northwest Phoenix; then to our main branch near downtown Phoenix and then back to the yard again.

I also decided to give away some of the leftover food. I figured since people donated money for this affair, the only right thing to do is to give it to people that need it. Doesn't take long around these parts to find hungry people.

Anyway, I don't have writer's block, but I'm kinda worn-out and I'm going to go take a kick-back in my bedroom.
C'yall later.
ben

Sunday

About 45 minutes before the party started, I went out to fire up the grill and start cooking chicken. Grill won't start. I had it going earlier full tilt - what the heck? Finally, one little line of flame coming out of one of three burners. Tried to turn on the other two - nothing.

It was obviously the regulator valve - I tapped it. Tapped it again, and again, and again. I'm starting to get very nervous. I run down to Target where I got the grill - they don't sell the regulators separately but they have several of the same model on the floor with the valve. I ask a manager if they would sell me the one off the grill - they can always order another one for it. Nope. Can I speak to the store manager? Store manager comes out - geek looking dude - explains that those models are all for sale.

Great, I said, I don't need a whole new BBQ, I just need the regulator valve with the hose assembly. I further explained 100 people were showing up to my place in less than 30 minutes for a big party, pleeeeeeaaaaassssseeeeee help me. Nope. Wouldn't budge. Informed me to go to Lowe's or Home Depot. I don't have time for that, I need a fix right now! I was not happy with this individual and let him know about it. We rob parts off of things at our place frequently for our customers and just order replacement parts for whatever we took the part off of.

I'm walking out of that store a rather unhappy individual - Home Depot and Lowe's are 6 and 7 miles away consecutively - and would have to go through a lot of traffic and lights to get there. I remembered there's an Ace Hardware in the same strip mall the Target is at and hoped beyond hope that they sell those valves. Sure enough - they had a whole selection of them, and yes, one of them the same as the one on my grill.

Racing back to the house - there is already 20 people there by the time I get there - plus 3 different news medias, lol. A bunch of people showed up from the Craiglist ad and even more people showed up from the flyers I had sent out around my neighborhood. A guy showed up and played some excellent music on electric guitar with amplifiers and all that sort of stuff - he played continuously for 3 hours, only taking a 15 minute break. Very cool. People brought all kinds of great food as well. A tremendous outpouring and a lot of people came.

Anyway, after grilling for a while, I went ahead and started talking with everyone. Got names and addresses of those that came that were interested in getting something going in terms of a neighborhood association - about 15 of them. Quite a lot of interest, it turns out - and a lot of talk about the "other" thing that has been going on, the Neighborhood Watch thing. The guy that runs that thing - which is pretty much non-existent now - is a total control freak. Whatever. Anyway, I informed everyone I would send out a letter to everyone for a day to come over to my place, have a little git-together, and discuss forming the Association - whose name is already supplied by the name of the community we are in - and see what kinds of ideas and desires come up. Many agreed with me about trying to get some landscaping done on properties that have nothing but dirt and weeds.

I still have a lot of meat left-over - going to freeze the beef but I'm cooking up the rest of the chicken later today on the grill. Nothing like BBQ'ed chicken! I figured I over-bought on the meat department, but also figured I would have a well stocked freezer full of stuff for future reference. In all, I think I received about $240 in donations towards the party, plus a lot of food was brought over here. The party was a blast. 2 news medias left without even taking interviews - a "breaking story" they told someone which turned out to be a buy holding someone hostage for ransom but then gave up and - basically turned out to be a dud story, lol. The remaining reporter was there for hours - taking video and yes, they did a story, but on a different network than the first story.

Whatever the case, the party started at 3:00 pm and ended after 8:00. I figured it to be the perfect starting time and a good ending time - I am not a late-night person. There was a group of about 15 people that hung out after everyone else left - the partiers, lol - who stayed for several hours after the festivities had died down.

Will I do it again? Not sure. I think my focus now is going to be on the Association that I would like to see get going around here. Thinking parties for the immediate community on an on-going basis - depending on turnout - is just what the doctor ordered. The blog for that party is still getting numerous hits, so I will probably write up my version of a story for the event on there. Eventually, I will set up a website for the Association - with a lot of help that is, no web-designer here - and let the Craigslist party thing go into fading history.........though I would love to host a Thanksgiving dinner later on this year - provided I'm still employed and still have tenants, the house and all of that - as I have done on a limited basis in the past.

Enough. It was a great party : )
ben

Saturday

Woke up this morning and started right in on stuff that I didn't finish yesterday. Still more to go - but - fortunately - I have several hours before the party starts. I kinda got a little unsettled that I might not have enough propane in the tank for all of this cooking, so I'm headed out in a bit to get it filled all the way up.
Another trip to Fry's - forgot to get several bags of chips and probably a few more sodas too.
Ice run.
Still have 40 or 50 more hamburger patties to make.
Probably waited a little long to start that pork roast. It was MUCH bigger than I thought - the thing takes up the entire slow cooker. Started that at 6:00 am - so by the time the party starts, it's 9 hours worth of cooking, shouldn't take near that long to cook through and be in the "fall apart" stage, especially on high - but - the last couple of roasts I did in there were not near as big as this monster. Hope it's done by party-time is all I can say about that. It only takes maybe 10 or 15 minutes worth of prep to pull the pork apart, get the fat off of it, dump a bottle or more of some of my favorite BBQ sauce into it - and it's ready to go.
3 heads of cabbage worth of coleslaw, lol. That took an hour in itself. Mary made up 40 or more patties last night with her "special" ingredients - which are Russian dressing/honey BBQ sauce and Teriyaki sauce. The rest of the burgers are just going to be plain ole' burgers for those that don't want all the stuff in there.

Pretty much, besides a trip to the store and the propane place and doing some cutting and patty forming - it's ready. Oh, and another person donated more money to the cause! What an amazing thing this is turning out to be.

Ummm, anyway, the race began this morning and I really don't have time to linger here - hope you all have a great Saturday and a wonderful weekend!
ben

Friday

This whole party thing is turning into something that has gone to proportions I never even thought of.
Number 1, I had not thought that the news media would be even one iota interested in something like this. Number 2, that they would actually run the story, and number 3 - this story is being run locally all over the nation! That's just plain CRAZY! I'm serious - I'm getting emails from people all over the place about seeing me the news from everywhere!

What's next, Oprah?
Whatever the case, I have enough meat now to feed a small army - just in case a small army's worth of people show up. Literally, I could feed at least 150 people with the brats; hamburger meat; pork and chicken I have been acquiring at sale prices, of course, from various supermarkets.

Today is going to be crazy as well. I have a HUGE thing of coleslaw to make, going to make up 75 hamburger patties in advance; cook the pork and make the pulled pork BBQ; and whatever else - such as more cleaning and such outside. Mary has been a tremendous help in the last few days in that arena in helping with the east side of the house and basically doing things that I - simply won't have time for. I have just about everything I need, I am hoping others will bring what they said they will bring to shore it up. Well, even if no-one brought anything, guaranteed the gut will be full for whoever is going to eat.

The neighborhood association thing is what I need to focus on as well.

Anyway, I will (well, I don't really know) write later - I have to go get Caleb and Michael at Caleb's mom's house, stop at Costco again cause I didn't get enough hamburger buns and stop at Safeway as well for another couple of things worth of chicken.

Wish me luck!
ben

Thursday

Ummm.......I'm kind of curious as to the blog I started for the free dinner party as to how all these people from all OVER the place are finding that blog? It isn't just the Phoenix area anymore, the feedjit I put on that blog is showing people viewing it from coast to coast and even Canada! It was a local news story and I doubt it is going to get any further than that - I just don't get it.

Sometimes the internet confounds me as to how things happen through it.

Well, anyway, both Safeway and Bashas are having sales on fresh chicken breast - bone in. Safeway at 99 cents a pound, Bashas at 77 cents per pound. I went to both. I think Safeway meat to be better quality - the Bashas stuff was "previously" frozen, it said on the label - but in actuality, it was still quite frozen and taking it's time thawing.

I'm taking a break from the relentless pace I have been inflicting upon myself. Tomorrow is going to be a marathon of making hamburger patties; cooking a picnic roast, going to yet more stores and getting semi-ready for the party. Since the party doesn't actually start until 3:00 pm, I will have a good portion of the day Saturday to finalize prep for the party. Oh, and I am making more homemade coleslaw - that is quite the endeavor in itself!

Ummm, that's just a short break. I am going back outside in a few minutes to attempt to finish the east side of my house pulling out the constant barrage of weeds that grow coming from my "neighbor's" yard.

Gotta cut this off - too much to do.
ben

News

Ineresting.
I went to Costco and met up with the reporter and his camera-man. They were VERY nice individuals - I was impressed. Very well dressed, professional - and young. 20 somethings. Which was even more impressive- no diss on 20 somethings, but the current casting of that age out there today? Ummm - I won't comment.

All they wanted to do was follow me around the store and get video shots. It was a little awkward having a cameraman running in front of me, behind me all around - getting all kinds of shots. I mean - people were looking at me, I'm sure thinking: 'who's THIS guy?' I really didn't buy that much, either. I only went there for the hot dog and hamburger buns - they have great deals on that stuff. I also ended up buying a 32-pack of cans of Coke and a 24 pack of cans of Arizona Green Tea and a 15 pack of brats. What's a BBQ without brats? Not kids brats, either! Umm, yes, there are going to be plenty of kids at the party - no diss on them, either.

It became obvious that the news media - at least this one - is seeking out good stories. There's so much negativity going on right now. What do you want to report? AIG and the bonuses? A 3 plus trillion dollar budget? Maybe the millions of jobless people? The millions more losing their homes? Then there's the status-quo stuff that is always happening: Murders, rape, incest, sick stuff. They came back to my house, took some footage, asked me some questions, news at 10:00. Literally.

What do I want to accomplish? No agendas, at least not at first. Then I thought: gee, what if people watched that and thought to themselves: I can do that, too! Heck, might start a trend! People inviting total strangers to their house from their immediate communities to have some kind of "happening" together. Agenda: just have a good time, meet new people, talk about stuff going on, but let's not mope, please.

I didn't get to Bashas - but I will be going tomorrow and Friday and stocking up on that chicken. BBQ'ed chicken is quite wonderful, especially when smothered in good BBQ sauce.

I'm done.

Have a great evening!
ben

Wednesday

I surprised myself at just how much time I spent just cleaning the kitchen and dining area last night. The newer tenant was being sociable - so we talked for a couple of hours. She's a pretty cool lady I will have to say just from the few conversations that we've had so far. It's always nice when something that you have no clue whether it's going to work out or not - does.

So - apparently there is yet another new blogging site that numerous JS'ers are migrating to. I haven't even given it consideration. I went over there and it looks nice enough - but I just got settled in here! I guess if enough of the old-timers go over there, I'll end up there too, but for now - I'm here. I might just start up a blog with one of my favorites user names just to be able to have it.

In other "news", I am going to meet the news in about 20 minutes from now. BTW, I've had some money donated for this party and with the people that are bringing stuff with them, I will be out very little. Which is good - I didn't want this thing to set me too far back. I AM going to go to Basha's, however, and buy as much 77 cent per pound chicken breast as they will let me walk out of there with. Some of it will go to the party - some of it will be getting to hang out in my freezer for future reference. Interestingly enough, I just found out yesterday that there is a Basha's only 3 or 4 miles from my house. I had thought the nearest one was clear over on the other side of Tempe - the reason I don't go there, even for good sales. It's out of the way.

That's bone-in chicken breast, yes, but for that kind of money - stock up! lol. About 30 pounds of that stuff would be nice - though it's likely they have a limit. I could go back tomorrow and get more if I need it. I wish I had an upright freezer at this point - my freezer is always jammed full of stuff and I always am wanting to buy sale stuff and try to pack even more in there.

I'm not sure about the news - I tend to freeze up in front of cameras like that. I have been in front of cameras numerous times throughout my life - just try to relax I guess, it's only a party, after all. Not only that, I really don't know HOW they found out about it. It's not like it was an grandiose thing - it was just a simple ad. I don't know if someone alerted them to it - I mean, why else would they be going through the free ads on Craigslist?

Dunno, but - I guess today's interview is actually going on the news - today! lol. I thought they were just going to do a piece for future reference after the party is over, but if I heard the guy right, that's not the intention at all.

No big deal. Mostly, I just like meeting new people and - having a good time while doing it, of course.

Well, gotta git.

C'yall later!
ben

Tuesday

Mediocre day at work, in terms of amount of things to do. A couple of deliveries, some pickups and pulling an order to take to a new jobsite in Casa Grande. In fact, they are finally building a WalMart down there. Rumors from numerous indivduals that live down there that I have spoken to over the years have indicated the town council simply did not want a WalMart in Casa Grande. I can think of a few reasons why a small town wouldn't want such a thing - but - apparently WalMart has finally won out and is building a new store. One assumes a complete store the size of the moon................

I am meeting up with the news media tomorrow at Costco. They wanted to do a small blurp on the stuff I am buying and even a showing of some of the things I have already acquired for this party. At the moment, I have enough ground beef to make 120 hamburgers, a big enough pork picnic roast to end up with enough to make at least 20 to 30 pulled pork BBQ sandwiches, some chips and other odds and ends. I continue to get emails from people wanting to come. Friday after work will be spent making hamburger patties, cutting up onions, cooking that pork roast - probably put that thing in the slow cooker before I go to work on low and then turn it on high when I get home if it isn't done yet.

Presently, I am cleaning my refrigerator and doing a spring-cleaning version of cleaning in my kitchen. Basically just wanted to take a break from the work I have already done today after work - which includes pulling a lot of grass and weeds from the east side of the house. I am SO very tired of that continuous crap having to be done over there, simply because my next-door-neighbor is your basic SLOB and has no desire to take care of his property - AT ALL. I have much to do out there before this party - even though I mostly will not be having anyone out there, I still want it looking nice.

So, this is really a very short break as I have a couple more hours of work I want to accomplish before quitting for the day. Basically - finish this kitchen.....

LONG interval. I have scrubbed the kitchen up and down, talked with the new tenant for hours, and I'm done.
ben

Monday

Busy enough day at work to keep me occupied without having to dread the "what am I going to invent to do now" syndrome.
Tomorrow has some deliveries - maybe take up half the morning - after that I don't know.
What really "stank" was last night. Apparently, a 50 pound bag of dog food I got from Fry's is somehow bad. THREE dogs puking all over the place. Freakin' threw their @$$es right out of the house and - well I cleaned it up best I could and then did the carpet cleaner today when I got home - which got all of it up.

I'm getting psyched about the party. News15 called yet again today. The guy is reading the ads/blog I put up. I was very hesitant about it - the guy sounds nice enough and he says that personally, he thinks it's a great thing. I got over it - why not? A lady that came to the last party - that I asked her opinion about the news coming - said she thought it would be good to get this kind of thing out in the open. I've been on the news numerous times throughout my life -mostly on missionary types of things - never really had any "bad" experiences with the news media on a personal level.

But sometimes they go "digging". Usually that's on the political side of things, though, trying to dig up whatever junk they can about any given candidate.

So, I'll just come right out and say what I did in my teens, as I have said it on my blogs before. I am certainly NOT proud of what I did, but I didn't hurt or kill or rape anyone - not making light of my crime, but I paid the penalty to society, which was to repay for the damages done and went on probation for 6 months. I stole a video game from a place I was working at. It was a stupid, dumb, idiotic thing to do, yes it was. Mostly, my teenaged life was a waste. I could go into it - but it would take a book and I just don't feel like it right now. And anyway, it's unimportant - to me anyway. It's ancient history that I NEVER did over. When I stood before that judge - struck a plea agreement - he sat there looking at my stupid self, stroking his beard. When he said: "I'm tempted", I about pee'd my pants. The instant revelation came to me: plea bargains are NON-binding on judges, they can do whatever they want in that courtroom, including sending you to prison.

I was terrified. Now? I want to go back and thank that judge. It was a turning point in my life. If there's one thing I do not want to have happen, it's to lose my freedom. A few years after that, I gave my life to the Lord (Jesus Christ, that is) and life has never been the same. I went on the mission field only 8 months after becoming a Christian - and saw some incredibly remarkable, amazing things.

But, the truth is now told. Not that I haven't told it before - over and over - especially to emloyers. Some employers want to know all of your criminal background, others want to go back X amount of years. Mine was 27 years ago.

Whatever. I trust this to be a good experience and expect it will come out that way. I have to tell you folks that some of the emails I am continuing to get from people are enough to make you start crying. People losing beautiful, nice homes, losing both jobs in a family structure, being forced to live on food stamps and move in with whomever in their family lines will let them in. I received one today that really did start a stream of tears.

Ummm - well, I'm going to change the subject. I came home from work today and finished the landscaping rock project. I estimate I need another 3 tons or so of granite rock to give full coverage. I have about a 2 inch covering - I want at least 3 if not 4 inches. Plus there is still a small area with no coverage. Then there's the east side of the house - not going there right now. I would need about 4 tons over there for good coverage - but it's probably going to be different colored rock. Other projects take precedence. So does paying bills. And anyway, I am going to install a wandering pathway through there first, before dumping any gravel on there.

The weather here has reverted back to unbelievably beautiful. The way it should be at this time of the year. It's very cool in my house right now - windows and sliding glass door open - and the breeze is blowing. Sun is just starting to go down and the birds are still singing! Crazy nice!

Take care, everyone!
ben

The Whole Package

My money spent on things outdoor is put on hold at this point. At least until I get paid again, anyway. The rock and the grass, plus the trellises and accompanying hardware? Enough. I bought the final rolls of grass I think I will need - the rock spreading is going quite nicely, thank you.
That project will be done today sometime. I have to knock down some dirt to level out the surface in order to plant the remaining grass rolls.
I'm undecided whether I will have the energy/time to start on the trellises - though admittedly it's nothing more than digging two, 2 to 3 foot deep holes; attaching 2 2X3 beams together with hardware - twice; inserting said beams into ground - possible cement, though I would rather just beat them in the rest of the way with a sledge hammer; attach the trellises and it's basically done.

That's actually a lot more than it sounds. Ummm, well whatever. I have the basic Sunday chores to do around here as well, which is why I'm quaffing on the trellis project. I have a lot of weeds to pull on the east side of the house - but - I think I will wait until the poison takes full effect, hopefully getting down to the roots. So - this week after work will be busy as well, trying to get the place nicely finished for the upcoming party.

How many will actually show? Who knows. I'm expecting a minimum of 50 people, anyway, including my immediate neighborhood. I already have 18 pounds of ground beef; 1 huge picnic roast and some steaks, leaving nothing but chips, burger buns, and other basics left to go. Oh, and a few packages of brats. That's 56 hamburgers worth, enough pulled pork BBQ to feed another 15 people, and then whatever on top of that. I have received a few gifts - which has paid for much of the meat, but not all of it. I bought more today while I was out because Fry's sale on it is quite good at $1.88 per pound for 93% lean ground beef. It comes on sale here and there - but not that frequently, to the point I will buy even more and freeze it for future use/food storage. I think you can keep it in the freezer for 3 months before you actually better start thinking about using it. It never stays anywhere NEAR that long in my freezer.

Anyway, I have a lot of work to do and I best git to gettin' to it.
Happy Sunday!
ben

BAR S

The other day, I grabbed a couple packs of hot dogs at Fry's. I paid no mind to it - excepting the price, of course. Ummm, so I'm going through my fridge today - I wasn't and don't normally eat hot dogs - I love em' but they are full of cholesterol - and thought something looked strange about the package. I picked it up - unbelievable. They are now selling 8-packs of hot dogs. Not the 10-packs that have been around forever, a day and a half. Oh, and guess what, the price didn't go down, either.

Well, they've been doing the 12 oz packages of bacon for a while now - caught that one right off the bat - but this one took me by surprise. The boys eat multitudinals of hot dogs over here.

I spent the entire day on the back yard. Literally. The yard had some prep work that had to be done before even spreading the rock all over the place. Digging down some mounds and such so that the rock would appear level instead of having little humps here and there. Carrying the stuff by shovelfuls all over the place, then reverting to filling up buckets and carrying it that way. I have a little to go. I could use another - couple of tons anyway - to give more coverage, but it's good for now.

Tomorrow - gotta find the rest of the sod I need and then finish the remainder of the rocks.

Also want to get started on the trellises.

I've been busting @$$ all day long and - it felt good, actually. Don't know how that translates into Monday morning because I expect the pace to continue tomorrow. I have a party coming up and I want it mostly finished.

Speaking of that, the boys delivered about 125 flyers all over the neighborhood today. Yup, for the party. I've already got most of the meat at this point - 30 pounds of hamburger meat, some steaks I acquired not too long ago and the rest is only some brats and hot dogs with the bread. The rest is being supplied by various individuals and such.

I simply decided that there must be some tangible purpose for this party, and since I have wanted to start a Neighborhood Association for a long, long time now, this is the "Golden Opportunity". The boys said it was well received by anyone they actually encountered along the way, too.

Whatever. I'm burnt, toast and fried.

Heading to the bedroom.
'Nite.
ben

Moving Right Along...........

Went outside and started tackling the outsisde stuff early. First - to spray poison all along the fenceline - while trying not to get the stuff on my plants. Then everywhere else that I could get the poison at without compromising the plants.

Then, picking up stuff from projects and chucking it, removing a wire out of the chain link and getting the leftover stuff disattached to it. Spray more poison on the other side of the dog free zone, shovel up undesirable stuff on the ground where the rock will be spread, and then eyeballing my next project: putting up the 2 trellises.

Smell of poison in the air- I'm keeping the dogs inside for a while. Poison was my last resort - pulling weeds forever isn't exactly a fun "project" - it's never-ending and - just couldn't handle it anymore. Take my chances with just enough poison to hopefully kill off the weeds and no more.

The poison is basically in response to the fact that it is quite obvious the next door neighbors are not going to pull those weeds back there. The ONLY thing I could do is spray a partition between property lines.
Well, I could just go over there and ask if I could spray his property too, but - we don't get along so well and for various reasons that is a very long story that started several years ago that I most certainly do not want to go into right now.

Hmmmm. I gouged the side of my arm and didn't realize it. A huge chunk of cement out there - at least 150 pounds worth - that I finally decided to see if I could lift into the garbage can without breaking my back. To lift a chunk of something that large and that heavy - that high - meant having to use my forearms - not just my hands. Oh well - the chunk is now in the bottom of the trash can - good riddance to it.

I put the remains of the fire hydrant out front for bulk trash pickup - someone came along and took it for themselves. I presume for the scrap value of it - a couple hundred pounds worth right there.

My used car dealer neighbor is already leaving for the summer: a judge has ordered back up to Michigan. If he doesn't go, he'll land back in prison for another - year or 6 months, don't really know. He has been working on that old RV trailer I gave him a while back at a feverish pace for several months now. I will say he has done a fine job on it. I will also say that I have my doubts. He has a Porsche Boxster along with a Harley Davidson parked inside of it. Behind that, yet another trailer hooked to that trailer and another Porsche on top of THAT trailer. This train all being pulled by a 3/4 ton Ford pickup with a diesel engine. My doubts are about the pulling capability of that pickup truck in pulling the weight of 2 trailers, 2 cars and a Harley Davidson, and also the reliability of such a long setup cranking down the road.

Whatever the case, the trailer is not in my name anymore - it's all on him if something goes wrong. It is almost 8 o'clock - the 2 hour window they gave for arriving with the rock begins. It's VERY nice outside right now - in the high 60's I think, nice and cool. I am going to go out there and start digging holes, I think, for the trellis beams. Just 2 holes about 3 feet deep should do it. If only the temps could stay like this the year round..............

All I can say right now is that I am floating - getting by. The third tenant makes it possible to be able to say that with confidence - as long as I'm employed. With some of the money I am getting in a little over a week from now - I will be putting it in savings. Hoping at least $150 worth can get dumped into the savings account, the rest goes to - bills of course.

Ken has now decided he isn't going anywhere - plus he got promoted at his job and now has 5 working days back. They dropped a day per week off and that - I'm sure - is hurting him badly. Yet - he pays the rent religiously. It's like the first thing he does.

Mary has gotten much better at paying the rent as well. I have not spoken about Mary and all that happened because - there are too many holes in the story to make the other tenant believable. In fact - the other tenants' actions were egregious enough in itself. If you dont' like a person, fine - but - it just got too carried away. She was drunk the night a lot of that stuff happened and - I caught her in a big lie that she had been telling me since BEFORE the day she had moved in, cancelling her credibility factor and making her statements suspicious at best.

The newest tenant? Certainly no issues with her - I've asked her if she had any issues with any of us or anything going on around here - no is her reply. Well, I can't read minds, so I hope that's the truth of the matter. I have no idea how long she'll stay - but - considering her demeanor and low-key attitude - I would love it for her to stick around for quite awhile. Her dog is not an issue, either - he spends his days in her room when she's at work. A pretty nicely trained dog. No obsessive barking, nothing really.

I will be honest here and state that I will probably keeping 3 tenants in here for as long as it takes to get out of the hole and back ahead. That will stay that way until I get caught up on the mortgage. To do that - would either mean trying to save up enough to make 2 mortgage payments in one month - or - just keep paying it the way I am and by the end of summer, it will be down to around 20 days late. I am going to try to save up enough money - actually - but if I get that far ahead, I will not want to part with it - the saved-up money that is - and would probably opt for keeping it for an emergency.

The thought crossed my mind that I really don't have enough saved up in case of emergency. A refrigerator tanks, the dishwashers goes bye-bye - stuff like that. Fortunately, the AC has a full 5-year warranty on it - covering the expensive stuff - though I think the service charge is additional. I'm fortunate that I have enough knowledge of plumbing and electrical issues that if something developed - clogged pipes for example - I could fix that myself and spare the excessive charge of a plumber or elecrician coming out here.

I have gone on long enough with this one, and besides, I'm hungry.

Have a great Saturday!
ben

It's Nightime................

...........and there's something I really wanted to accomplish tonight. I got it done, too.
I really don't know about - whether I should post it on WWW - so I won't. I didn't murder anyone and I'm not so broke that I had to go rob a bank, if you must know. nothing so granduer. It wasn't sexual and it had nothing to do with anyone in my house.

I'll leave it at that.

As for today - just about cashed. I poisenend all the weed areas where I pulled weeds this week - hoping they don't grow back cause rock is about to go over top of that dirt. I would put plastic on the ground, but I'm afraid that dog pee not having anywhere to go but the plastic surface eventually wouldn't smell too good. I'll deal with weeds over THAT any day.

Well, anyway, Fry's has ground beef on sale - the 93 percent lean stuff - at $1.88 per pound. That's extremely cheap for those that don't know. I also found a giant pork roast for a great price - it will be cooked for 6 or 7 hours in a slow cooker, the fat will be pulled off of it and it will be pulled apart with forks - and that's the walaah - pulled pork BBQ. The make-it or break-it with such stuff is the BBQ sauce you are using. I have found some stuff that is sold in the grocery store that is just fantastic. A bottle and a half of that? Dannnnnnng!

I wrote my dad a nice long letter - a week ago. He hasn't responded. This is where my brothers get some of their anger - his non-responsiveness. He has done that as long as I have been an adult. I have been able to brush it off - must be something more important going on - my brothers have never been able to get past that and other things. Okay, maybe there ISN'T something more-important going on - the only thing I have learned from it is what NOT to do with MY son.

My life with my son has been the total opposite of what my dad did with us boys. I'm mostly always around, my dad was never around. Thing as such. I figure down the road, my son will dislike me for something I did on a recurrent basis that he hated/disliked/whatever. I just do. Parents are never perfect. We screw up with our children - one way or another - a fact of life we cannot bypass.

We try to - but when the kids grow up - if you didn't find out about it before then - they will tell you where you failed them.

Just for a small example - I was REALLY looking forward to a family reunion in Sierra Vista, Arizona, at my dad's place. The previous reunions are always on the east coast. I can't GET to the east coast in my current financial dilemna. I have priorities - vacations are on the bottom of that list. But - easily could have made the festivities 190 miles south of me.

could something change before the intended date of the reunion? Sure - but I haven't even been INVITED to this deal. I sometimes get some emails that - my dad leaves me out of, but my uncle in Florida occasionally lets me back in on - that goes back and forth between them. Yes, you have to wonder why my dad leaves me out of those emails. He does it on purpose, too - found that out quite by accident as I don't GET those emails. Excepting for my uncle. I haven't seen him since I was 16 - I have very rare, occasional emails with him when he decides he wants to engage in conversation.

I have no clue - I would call the whole bunch of them extremly arrogant and stuck-up individuals - but - I don't know all the details as I am never privy to them. Neither are my brothers. Which makes them very mad. I shrug my shoulders - I am the youngest kid in the clan. I was basically forgotten when I was a little kid growing up. My parents gave the attention to my oldest and middle brother, I was along for the ride. My mother has asked for forgiveness of this many, many times. It took quite a long time to learn things in life that most people learn much younger than I - simply because I had no clue.

No, I didn't ride my mother about this, I didn't even bring up the subject. I have found that as my mother grows older - and closer to whatever date her death will occur - she finds that she needs to unload. She's gone through quite a list of things - I wonder if there's more.

I'm lamenting - or reminscing - or somewhere in between. The thoughts entered my mind earlier today - out of the blue - and I haven't been able to shake it. My regrets about the past have nothing to do with my parents - unless you want to point the finger of non-involvement at them - and that it certainly was. I was a drunk by the age of 14, an addict by the age of 15 and a thief, burglar, and a lot of other things by the age of 15 as well. I made the choices - my parents could have stopped me.

If I had it to do over again? I would have never touched the first 2 Budweiser 24 ounce beers that were given me my brother and his friends. I held out a long time. My oldest brother was smoking reefer in the back yard every day with his friends. Both of them pushed me for years to give in. My parents? Knew what was going on, did nothing about it.

This is the age of victimization - I was totally victimized, right? Right. Sure, whatever you say. I made my choices. I was pressured - but not forced. I could blame my parents all day long - and there are times when I want to. I was not encouraged to get into sports - most parents do that in some form or another. I did that by myself - I was totally atheletic and was a great wrestler and marathon runner.

Sometimes I just hate my life. What has become of it? I look back upon my adult life - and then I realize - I've actually done alot of good. You could call this my version of a mid-life crisis, I suppose, as I have not had one that I can think of. Instead, I went through a black-hole divorce that caused me to shut down. I STILL wonder if I have woken up from that, yet.

You ask why I'm writing all of this. Just what's going through my head right now. Tomorrow, I'll wake up and realize rocks are coming and I'll forget about all of this - for a time anyway. We all have our little skeletons - little things that have haunted us our entire lifetimes. I don't care who you are, what your stature in society is - great or small - you have them. I have them. We ALL have them. HOW you deal with them is what determines whether you are going to make it or - break it.

As for me - I'm going to go to bed. I'm finding this thought process tonight to not be - productive for lack of better term. I'm not going to drag myself down by my past. My past is a smelting pot of hellish s***, there's no doubting that - people don't even believe the half of my stories about things I did, just because I am not that way now. You know what? There are times when I am tempted to respond to certain situations the same way as when I was a teenager. That would be to destroy things - houses, cars, people. I would love to hear from one single person in the universe that can honestly say that whatever they learned or did when they were growing up - still doesn't affect them today. Maybe you don't act it out, surely not - but those thoughts at least occasionally course through your head.

G'nite.
ben