Here we4 go.  Only in Texas?  Some businesses use flashing red and white light like on a cop car apparently to attract business. ......and red lights that seem to take forever.
  Driving through Marashall, TX some beautiful mansion style brick homes. Plus a sign that says Shreveport, 35 miles.  Nice, rainy day, streets empty this early.  I don't think I will mind the work to work so much as I will not be liking having to drive that far to get home and wasting that much time on the road when I could be doing other things.

I left duke at m'lady's place and probably will overnight during the week.  It would add another 20 miles of driving every day to take  him over there every morning and leaving him atmy place is pretty much out of the question.  Not only because a huge chunk of fence that would need repaired but also leaving him there alone for 12 hours at a stretch, he wouldn't do too well. Over at her place a coulpe of other dogs to keep him company when everyone's gone at work and school.

Well, 25 miles of driving to get off of back country roads and onto the Interstate.  Speed limjit of 75 mph and following behind a large group of vehicles going 80, should get this trip over with pretty quick.  Cropssing over state line, speed limit reductecd to 70.  Haven't been in Luisian in decades.  My trips have had me heading west, not east, have had no reason to head east though I have been wanting to go back to the east coast for quite some time now.

The longer this drive is taking, the more I am coming to realize that this is not a permanent solution.  

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Day one over and done with.  10 hours and 18 minutes of work.  Rained all day long but it was nice to be in the rain, farnkly, as it wasn't cold and ti felt nice.  Air cool, though of course summer is coming and they were warning me about the humidity to come. Yes, I know what's coming, I probably won't like it, it will take quite an adjustment period, but I chose this, no-one forced me to come out here, so0 that's that.  All the company vehicles have AC in them at least and it all works.

Nice people at work, only one young-in in his 20';s and like many 20 somethings I encounter, not a very good worker.  Slow, too slow.  Has an iphone in his ear all day long talking to someone.  Just not very productive.  They pulled an order off the printer that was maybe 6 pages long and said how big it was.  Yeah, when I learn where all the stuff is an order that small will be pulled in a couple hours or less. Their entire yard and warehouses are complete and total disasters.  I mean, really, really, reeeeeaaaaaaally bad.  I don't know how they find anything with that kind of disorganization going on. They have all kinds of room in that yard, they could make it much better and much easier.  They have fittings that you use every back in the back and junk you rarely use in the front.

????  Paper and trash and broken pallet stuff everywhere.  I started picking up trash and kept at it here and there when there was time while helping pulling orders as well.  I looked in the 6 wheel truck and it was disgusting.  If they think I am going to just tolerate that s***, they have another thing coming.  Trash laying all over the floorboard, totally filthy and - yes - disgusting.  Then I pointed out a completely broken quarter panel on their semi - I mean the plastic was hanging onto the tires it was so broken up, I"m like, really?!!

Then I found several pallets of fittings that were mixed - that should not have been mixed.  Just unbelievable.  The place is gross.

Anyway, I am finally back home after going to m'lady's place for about 2 hours - that was it for me.  I am totally bushed.  I am not used to 10 hour work days now because we haven't been allowed any overtime for along time.  Here? 10 hours a day, period.  You don't get off early.  Which is fine - I guess - but have to readjust.  Well it isn't just fine, I have to have the 2 hours per day OT or I sink since I took such a pay cut.

But after today and 125 miles of driving to work and then to M'lady's and then back to my place - it's obvious this isn't going to work out.  At least not at this pay.  The fuel is going to cost me a small fortune.  I could shave that back to 94 miles if I didn't go to m'lady's house and I have to probably come to the conclusion that I won't be going over there every day after work.  Basically?  I'll do this for a while, as long as I can handle it and the fuel bill and then I will just go in and ask for a raise.  At least a buck an hour.  2 bucks an hour more like it. Yeah you don't think I'm serious.  I know what I am worth and it ain't what they are paying me.  They think that since I am going to be working 10 hours a day it should be the same as I was making 8 hours a day in Phoenix, I've got news for them.  They are making great GP and AC is really good too so paying me for what I am worth is mandatory, but really, to pay for all this gas.  They don't want to do that, fine, I will find greener pastures closer to my new home.

And with that? It's bedtime. I am beat and time to be off to slumberland.

G'nite.

ben

Good and bad day.  

Good with a couple of the boys, bad with one particular one named Josiah.

These kids simply don't understand what the word clean is and I am going to train them. It may take forever, but that is my agenda and my goal.  There is one that is a big culprit in the disaster-making process, the youngest girl.  She just dumps things whenever she is done and that is that.  The only good thing about it is when she is told to clean up her mess, she doesn't throw a hissy fit and get mouthy, she says yes sir/ma'am and cleans it up.  

She's pretty young.  Josiah.  I told them all they were going to go up and clean their rooms.  I have had them cleaning it up pretty good so we are talking a 5 minute job and it's done.  Josiah had a cow.  Made the youngest boy do most of the work while he stood there texting.  I got on his case and told him to do this and that.  He blew up.  I mean, he blew up to the point of calling me names and insulting me. It was bad.  I bit my tongue and definitely warded off my initial reaction which was to smack him upside the head.  A mouth, arrogant, punk 16 year old talking shit to me.  

In fact, I got so angry that I just talked to m'lady, told her what was going on, had a conversation and then I left.  Not all day, to go get gas.  Long drive to work, don't want to waste time fueling up tomorrow.  13 year old went with me.  Talked to him for quite a while as well.  He also has attitude.   But, he is different.  He is looking for attention.  He hangs out with me all day long when I am over there.  He asks to throw baseball or football, can we do this or that.  Sure why not.  Get on my laptop and look at YouTube videos.  Still hope for him, I think.  Josiah - I think there's still hope, but he has a huge anger problem, he blows up at the tip of a hat and over extremely petty stuff. 

So I spent an hour or more with the 13 year old, it was only going to be 15 or so minutes to go get fuel and come back but I realized I was pretty ticked off and needed more time away from there to get myself under control. Cause' honey, if it had been an adult talking to me like that?  Yeah.  So we went to Walmart and then went to the McDonald's inside the WalMart and had a dollar menu sandwich, realizing I was still fuming, I started to drive home but went to a regular McDonald's instead with this boy - talking about life in general the whole time - had ice cream cones and a cup of coffee and then finally headed back.

But I was fuming all afternoon while Josiah's gf was there.  He knew it too.  When dinner was finally served - brisket - from one of her grass fed cows, the most delicious beef I have ever tasted in my life and I have been to all of the high dollar steak houses and they don't even come close - I was just glaring at him.  I couldn't stop.  I am not accustomed to having teenagers talking like that to me and just getting away with it.  My initial reaction, honestly, when he was mouthing off to me like that was to slap him silly upside the head.  Of course I can't do that to him, but that was what I wanted to do.  He said something - you like like you are about to blow up - I said yeah, we can discuss this in front of everyone if you like.  He got a smirk on his face which pissed me off even more.  Funny, huh? 

Her mom finally came and picked up GF and then?  We had a conversation.  I told him right to his face how it made me feel when he was talking his shit to me and making crude, offensive insults. Told him if it were my own son, well, ask my son when he comes to visit, he'll let ya know how I dealt with him on the rare occasion that he mouthed off - to mom, not me, he knew better than to start that kind of crap with me.  Just laid it on the line: don't ever talk to me like that again.  If you do, there will be immediate consequences.  More to the conversation than that, but the jist of it.  

There are a lot of kids there.  It's a lot to deal with.  I knew this coming in but it is draining.  When you  have a couple that each in their own right are a  handful in themselves and then mix in the rest of them with it - all wanting attention and all needing some kind of correction at some point in the day, some more than others - - - - - - - yup, it takes it out of you.  I don't hate or despise this, but it will take some time to adjust to this new lifestyle.  

I have no idea how I am going to feel tomorrow after a 47 minute drive to and from work plus a 10 hour work day in between, but I intend on going over there for a couple of hours if I am not too exhausted.  Then again, I might just let it go for the first week and try to figure out this new routine and my body and brain need to come into alignment.  I just wish they would start earlier - they start at 7 and I would prefer starting at 6.  Yes go to bed earlier but yes, get off work earlier as well.  

Life changes here to the max.  Lots of them in various venues.  Just riding it out and letting it all play out.  Hopefully not too many months and I will have this down to a routine.  

G'nite.

ben

Last day of work freedom.  Well I've been working pretty much every day anyway excepting yesterday and possibly today. Tomorrow marks the beginning of a completely new routine and probably a lot of adjustment in getting used to it.

Well whatever.
Spent the week cleaning, basically.  Along with a bunch of kids who mad the house that way.
12 man hours cleaning up just the laundry room itself.  The laundry room - though - is huge.  Something like 30X30 in dimension.  And not just laundry; food storage, freezers and refrigerators and all kinds of minutia in there.  Regardless, it was disgusting and the boy that I assigned to go in there and clean it?  Decided that mopping only the exposed parts of the floor and doing nothing else was going to be an acceptable clean job.

Not. so instead of attempting to tell him what to do, I just decided to "lead by example".  But I kept him busy the entire time.

Well, still at the apartment I guess you could call it. Umm, yeah, got up late.  4 kids over here too, playing PS3 and one of them chomping at the bit to get out of here.  That because I gave him permission to have his girlfriend over today, even though he just spent all of yesterday with her.  Whatever, as long as he continues to behave.  Last weekend was a hell with him I don't want repeated and I told him that in no uncertain terms last night.  Trying to drive over here and dealing with this while driving for hours and hours and hours.

Anyway, I'm going to enjoy my last day of work freedom and then back to the grind. Oh and Memorial Day.  My respects to all of those that died for our nation and the remaining freedoms that we enjoy who gave their lives for us to have that privilege.

G'day.

ben

Well a couple days since I last updated.
Scrubbed down a bathroom yesterday, which took - a lot of time - and got nothing done today.
Excepting rounding up the cows in a pen.
I figured out how to get them up from 1,000 feet away and into the pen - make a lot of banging noises and have some feed ready for them every time you do it and eventually - they come a running.

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Got busy last night.  As I figured, boys would want to be coming over on weekends to hang out and play video games and all of that. I am kinda letting them sleep in a bit here cause' I have a full work day planned out for all of them and I don\t really want to hear about how tired they are all day long.  When I say a full day, btw, I mean a full day.  Each one of them has a laundry list of things to do and I expect them to be done.  Mom is backup - I can't spank them but she can and she does a damn fine job of it.  2 older ones don't need spanking, in fact, only one of them I can think of would have to have threat of spanking.

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Ummm, so full day done.  Yup, got started on this entry and then got sidetracked, time to leave, over to her house and kablaam.  I'm working and directing 6 kids, do this, that and the other thing.

I give up.  I have tried to get an entry done and I keep getting sidetracked. I am now at my apartment, Sunday night.  Just go through with a rather intense conversation with Josiah about the situation that happened last Saturday - that went on all day long and seemingly had no end and got worse and worse and worse by the hour.  The scenarios included an attempt to grab a gun; jump out of a van going 50 mph, cutting (one's own flesh with a knife) and more.  Have things changed that dramatically since I arrived?  According to him they have and has no such thoughts.  I simply replied that time will tell.

Tomorrow Memorial Day and then - start my new job in Shreveport. How that is going to go is anyone's guess.  But it's the same company, the same division, the same product though different distributors apparently so get used to different manufacturers, the same job description - well actually much less to start with - just drive a truck and deliver the product. No clue.  I am not nervous about it as I have been repeatedly asked.  Maybe I would be at a new company and not know the company's way of doing things and all of that, but here?  Corporate dictates how things are going to go at the local level at all branches.  But, I already know the place is trashed.  It is a veritable hell-hole.

Whatever.  I have 4 kids over here and it's late - every night has been late and that will have to change tomorrow night as I will have to get up early and start 10 hour days. I suppose fortunate that the work day starts at 7 - gives me time to get some coffee and not have to get up too terribly early for a 45 - 50 minute drive.

That's it for now, time to be off to sleep land.

G'nite.

ben

My gas bill is going to go way up and going to putting a lot more miles on the car.  Twenty-two miles of driving to get to her house and back.  But the drive to Shreveport is going to be around one hundred miles round trip per day, five days a week.  I was putting about 130 miles per week on my car, now it's minimum 500 and that's just going to work and back.

That in itself may be enough catalyst to find something closer to home.

The only pic I sent through UPS showed up today - totally trashed.  Glass busted out and pic itself ruined.  This was not the prized dog pic, I brought that in my car, I wasn't about to take a chance with that thing.  No great loss on this pic, really, it is completely replaceable but it's about a $300 pic with the special no glare glass, frame and pic itself.  Fragile written on both sides, do not lay flat printed on the side and the special styrofoam corners installed with the strap to hold them in place.  The styrofoam corners were still intact. The strap still holding them together.  Everything as it should be.

But you could see in the cardboard itself where the cardboard had been smashed by something and yes the glass was shattered into thousands of pieces.  I'm sure the dude or dudette that delivered it must have heard all that noise as they left it there beside the house.  Whatever, it's the reason I didn't ship the dog pic, I figured there would be a good possibility of this happening and that pic is not only a very nice painting or actually appears to be a very elaborate pencil pic, it also holds a lot of sentimental value.  Having some shipping company throwing it around all over the place hardly a palatable thought.
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UPS coming tomorrow to pick it up and then do their "investigation" and come to their own determination.  If they find anything but for me, there will be no end to the harassment I will give them.  I insured it $250, ;which is fine as long as I get all $250 of it.

As I say, no sentimental loss there, just was a beautiful picture.  I have another one of the same kind at my house in Phoenix,  dunno.

Got up this morning at 3am Phoenix time - 5 am here - trying to force my body into recognizing the time difference and get used to it.  Halfway through the day, though I was toast.  Had to sleep for an hour and a half.  I only got 4 or 5 hours of sleep last night.  I intend on waking up early again in the morning.  I can't be trying this next week and going to work for 10 hours a day, I need to get some kind of routine that is cognizant of what's coming going now.

It was fun though hanging with the 3 little ones.  They love me and I love them, what else can I say.  We went out to the pen at the top of the hill where you corral cows to either load them up on to a trailer and haul them to the butcher's or you hold them up to - in this case - cut their nuts off and turn them into steers.  M"lady has a barrel of feed out there and wanted Josiah to go out there every day to get them to come and eat and get into that pen so this process can be done without a lot of trouble.  Well he hasn't but i did. Those cows were at least 1,000 feet away at the bottom of a hill. All sitting together under the shade of some large trees.

So, I took a metal object and started banging on a metal rail and at the same time whistling like I would a dog to come a running.  They just stood and laid down there, looking at me.  They were a LONG ways off, really.  I kept banging.  Finally, they all started stirring.  One of them started moving my way all alone.  The rest of them saw that loner heading up - at quite the effort to do so I must add - and started following behind.  Others just stayed down there looking - stupid, lol. I stopped banging and they stopped coming. What?  I didn't ask anyone about the banging, I just wanted to get their attention. Figured if they saw us up there they would equate it with something good to eat.  So I started banging again.  This time, the ones halfway up the hill started their slow pace but the ones at the bottom started a mini-stampede, storming up the side of the hill which got ALL of them going.

They finally got in there and eventually all but 2 of them were in the pen.  I dumped feed and salt out.  I know nothing about cows, don't claim to.  Just know that if they equate me with food, they will come up and come into that pen and when it comes time for castration - 7 of them on Friday - or hauling off to butcher - 2 of them picked out for that - it won't be too much of a hassle to get them in there.

Water Moccassins.  Well went down there with the 3 little ones again today,  had them stand well off and I was going to shoot them things if they were out.  One of them was and I could have taken a shot but I forgot my hearing protection.  This ain't some life or death home invasion situation, I didn't want my ear drums exposed to that much noise without protection and I forgot, so I blew it off.  Don't matter, Josiah is the expert snake killer in that house and he's all over that. He's been killing them things much of his life and has it down to a science.  That's nice but if one of them things gets their fangs into him, he's in for a world of hurt.

Here's half my problem. I just got home from church an hour ago but I have to have wind down time so it's 10:45 here.  My brain/system telling me it's 8:45.  But I haven't been able to get back there to my abode early at all.  I don't have to be over there until 7 tomorrow, so that's enough time to get some sleep if I can even do it. This whole situation has thrown my system into disarray and I have no idea how long it will take to get used to it. Duke is loving it but obviously also taking it's toll on him as well.
So, plenty more I could go into, but not now.  Time to go to bed!

G'nite.

ben

Forgot my gun.
Walked down to the pond to find the dam we had built had been so over run it pretty much destroyed it and that with a lot of concrete and tell rods driven into the ground.  But I know what I did wrong so next try I'll get it right.  Cepting' for one thing.  I'm looking at the dam and darn good thing I didn't step on it cause' my eye caught something coiled up, sitting there frozen, not moving.  Water Moccasin.  I know what they look like, seen enough pics of them.  I would have shot the thing - that's what they do in these parts when they see such snakes - kill them off - but I didn't have my gun with me.

Well it was me and the 3 little ones and I like to get them out of the house and walk around and look at things and just enjoy nature.  They already love doing that so it's all good with all of us.  I just got the kids out of there, come back again with a shotgun and blow the things away - there were two of them visible, Lord only knows if there were more lurking. I am going to have to re-do that entire dam meaning moving all of that stuff but I sure as heck ain't fooling with highly poisonous snakes that can do you a world of hurt in one, swift motion.

We had fun regardless.  Just didn't want to keep little kids around that environment and I would rather go down there alone with ear protection on to shoot them things and for the safety of those kids.

Anyway, we went to Denny's and to Walmart and returned Josiah's tux that he rented for the prom. Due back yesterday, he forgot to take it with him to school to return it and by the time he got home and informed us? Yeah, too late, tux place closed. Today? He was supposed to take the thing back....yup got a text from him after he got to school  - damn, I forgot my tux.

Whatever.  Took it in stride, took the thing back, the lady was nice, said no problem on the late fee, I won't charge it.

Lots and lots and lots of other stuff today as well.
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So I just pick and choose what I will discuss on the blog, otherwise it will go on forever, which it already does but we're talking FOREVER.

But there is another teenager in the house that his - issues - as well.  I started with him yesterday - clean your room.  Got it about half way done yesterday. He just stops, messes with something, etc etc etc.  Taking forever.  Today? Same thing but this time I went in, sat down on the floor and supervised. I'm gonna get this done regardless of what it takes but when it comes to cleaning a room? Kid better do it.  This one will take off and disappear if you don't just watch him and stay on top of him.

2 hours of this.  He would stop, laugh hysterically and really goofy at something that was either not funny at all or very slightly humorous.  Getting anything done was tantamount to raising the Titanic.
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I need not go into all of it, just a teenager acting goofy and not wanting to do anything. After it was all done and several hours later, he was out there asking to help.  I had asked m'lady to see if brake lights are working cause' the blinker going 5 times as fast as normal which ususually means a bulb is out. Turns out neither brake light is working and only the center one!  I had him help - and realized after that he is just looking for some attention and he will get it however he can.

Sat and talked with m'lady for a long time outside over freshly cut grass - yes another boy I told to get on lawn tractor and mow down all the grass around the house today.  And another one to finish the project he started yesterday - which coudn't be finished til' today.  The youngest boy I didn't ask to do anything, he worked half the day and I was satisfied with that, time for other boys to step up.

That's it. Just don't feel like writing anymore, it's late here - big issue trying to adjust to two hour time change - 8:30 my time in Phoenix, 10:30 here and I have to get up early - here time - to watch kids while she goes to work.  Just saving her a few hundred dollars on babysitting plus gel time, get to hang out with the kids and start building relationships.

Anyway, I"m done.

G'nite.

ben

Long day.

Got up at 5:45, got over there around 6:40 - had to get everything situated here before I left - got over there, drank some coffee and then  went to work.   Made the 7, 9 and 10 year old work with me for as long as I could keep them going before they started the whining - which was several hours worth. Took them out for chicken, got a haircut, a few other things and then went back to her place and back to work.  It's important to me to make the most of this time this week and do what I can and hopefully but a good dent into this nonsense.  

I mean, wow.  Just amazingly bad.  Where do you start? I always start with the kitchen, but I didn't want to spend ALL day in there so I got a lot done in it and then started on the living room and also re-cleaning the boys bathroom -- I spent hours in there last time scrubbing the entire thing walls, floors, tub, toilet sinks/counter and expected them to keep it clean.  

But I knew that was a fairy tale because I wouldn't be there to enforce that.  That bathroom was amazingly disgusting.  More pubic hairs in the sink, trash and clothes and towels all over the floor, sink disgusting. Gross. I mean, revolting.  I cleaned it up again but my scrubbing last time was so good it still carried over quite a lot to this time, just cleaniing up the s*** laying everywhere.

There are 2 boys there that are definitely of age of having pubes, the 3rd just turned 13 so likely not as much.  I freaking got all over their case.  I then told them if I found that s*** in there again, I was going to put it in a dustpan and I was going to dump it on their beds.  

Well when those older boys got home, I got them all working.  I'm tired and hungry, they said.  Welcome to my world, I replied.  The outside perimeter of the house was so disgusting - household trash EVERYWHERE - that I just told them we are going to clean all of it up today and no-one can go in the house until it's finished. I was with them the entire time, not like I was trying to force them to do it without helping and directing - of which I did both.  Took at least 3 hours to do that.  Yeah, that's 5 people picking up trash for over 3 hours!  

And we got it done.  I'm not saying it's perfect out there, but I told them this is embarrassing!  They agreed.......left me scratching my head. You agree it's disgusting and extremely unappealing but you go ahead and just continue to trash the place out anyway.  After hours of that, in the house and eat dinner. M'lady made a splendid beef dinner that was absolutely delicious. But as teenagers will, they start talking like - teenagers.  You know.  If you don't I mean, stupidity and hormones.  Mouths yapping a mile a minute.  This is what I expect from them, but at the same time, there has to be respect for elders.  She is soooooo raw nerved right now? She can't deal with it.  She got up and left the dinner table after done eating and they were doing their thing, so I just stayed there and was in the mix.

Done with dinner, up to bedrooms.  Clean, clean, clean.  Now.  Not tomorrow, now.  Yup, lots of complaining, didn't care, get in your rooms and clean them up, period.  Yup, I was up there with them because I know how they are. They will disappear or just not do anything if you don't stay on top of them.  

Huge projects.  Garage will take weeks to figure out how to get it set up and organized.  It's just - trashed right now.  Huge laundry/storage room.  QUITE a lot of work to do in there.  Just - priorities.  Gotta figure out what's the biggest priority and that's what we do. That house needs hundreds of dollars of interior house paint - more than that, it's huge and though not all walls painted, still, quite a lot of paint needed.  

That's it in a nutshell. I could go on for another ten paragraphs in greater detail.  I actually had a really good time with the younger 3 kids this morning and early afternoon and it was cool hanging out with the older boys just they are definitely a handful.  Nothing new to me and nothing I can't handle or deal with and if approached in the right way they don't get too terribly mad if at all and are willing to do whatever.  I'm exhausted and past time to go to bed - this 2 hour time difference a bit much. LOSE 2 hours, not gain them.  I have a week to try and adjust. 

G'nite.

ben

Well I am finally here.
Drove nine hundred miles yesterday and three hundred fifty today.
Ate nothing but less than a handful of chips this morning on my way out the hotel, there was absolutely nothing nearby to be able to buy anything so I just go on the road, stopped for fuel and that is ALL I stopped for.
Got here around four thirty = whatever the time zone here is called, no clue actually - hugged held and kissed my hopefully soon bride to be and then went out to eat with her, came back with pizza for the kids, took off over to new dwelling place and spent the last several hours getting moved in and set up over here.

Yes, I am exhausted.  I am beyond exhausted, I am just plain dead tired.  This is a really nice little living unit for the money.  A small bedroom with big closet, a full kitchen and living area next to it and a good sized bedroom. It is WAY out in the country.  You would never just happen on this place, that's a fact. I am going to have to get the address cause' I know it is very possible I may get lost trying to find this place on a return trip.  At the same time, it is only ten miles from her house, the drive is on open country roads so sixty mph, it is a twelve minute drive over here.  I know cause' I timed it.

I have yet to meet the owner, she lives in a house about a hundred feet away and is going to come to have me sign lease agreement - month to month - and discuss rules and such.  Well she is getting back home in about half an hour.  I was going to take a nap but now it's too close to her arrival, I'll just stay awake and probably just try to stay awake until around eight and then go to sleep for the night and hope that there isn't anything about this place that I can't get used to for sleeping purposes.

A pleasant surprise I did find was that there already 2 satellite dishes mounted on the rear of the structure.  Dish Network dishes but I have found they will work for Direct TV.  I don't have a TV over here yet but I have my box and that's all I really need besides my remote which is packed away

Well anyway, I'm laying here drowning in fatigue.  But I have to meet this lady and sign whatever and show her a few things about this place that are pre-existing conditions.

____________________________________________________

Lady showed up, looking for more money.  Had no understanding that I had to pay a deposit and then pay rent when I got here.  She wanted a full month from today, I said how about we go pro-rate for the month and then full month starting on the 1st.  I don't ask for deposits for people moving into my house but I don't hold it against her.  So anyway, that didn't take huge bite out of available finances since it is already the 18th.  Her rules, I asked: no smoking or drinking! lol, okay!  No other rules or if there are she didn't mention them cause' I like to know that stuff up front and I like to tell people moving into my house that stuff up front so there are no misunderstandings.

It will be an interesting week because m'lady is working every day this coming week and I will be watching the 3 younger ones plus trying to get stuff done around her house.  The place is a disaster - again.  I cannot believe some of the stuff those kids do in that house. She has no control over them, they simply won't listen to her.  Seriously.  They will just walk off or even stand there and defy her!  That shit is going out the window.  Good luck them getting away with that crap with me.

Several unknown factors going here. including my new work place.  How is that going to pan out.  How will it go over having to drive 45 minutes to and from work plus 10 hours of work a day?  How will the kids respond to my demands to clean up the house and keep it that way? Or discplining them for trashing it? Or implementing new rules since they don't want to listen, such as anything left on the floor will simply disappear?  Just a lot to digest here.  Give me time, I'll sort through it, figure things out, walk through things, etc etc etc.

I intend on spending this week off work going to town on that place and yes, I intend on forcing those kids, even the little ones, to help clean it up I don't care how much fuss/fight/crap they put up, it's gonna be done. Summertime almost here, they ain't gonna be sitting around doing nothing, there will be lists of things to do every day until we get that place straightened out and fixed up. Money will be an issue on the fixing up part, oh well.  We'll do what we can as we can do it. We're talking an almost 7,000 square foot house that needs paint, flooring and a lot of repairs to walls, plumbing, windows, doors, etc etc etc.  It's an older home over 40 years old, but it's brick and it's something I can do given enough time and given good help.  Or bad help turned good, lol.

Enough for now. It's 8:25 Phoenix time but it's 10:25 here and I have to be up at 7 at the latest to be over there in time for her to leave for one of her programming jobs.

G'nite.

ben

So I got up this morning at five thirty, took a shower, got a pot of coffee rolling, started taking stuff from bedroom to kitchen.  It wasn't long before everyone else was out there as well, sitting around laughing and making jokes at me and bidding me a goodbye.  It wasn't really that hard for me, but I know at least a couple of them weren't all that happy to see me leave.

Whatever the case, kept remembering things. I can get a pond going over there pretty quick if I have the stuff to do it with - so yes I brought everything to start a pond except the pond itself.  Then I remembered this morning it would be cool to take some pond plants, not too much cause' who knows if they'll survive the trip and anyway, I had no room in the car.

Shook hands with everyone, George took some pics and posted them on my Facebook wall and yes I was out of there.

Nine hundred miles later I am in a Motel 6 in Abilene, TX.  Just got to the grind and got it going.  Generous speed limits out here - eighty for quite a bit of the interstate outside of civilization.  Spent half the day in the car dealing with - what else - kid issues.  Yup, Josiah and starting trouble today with mom and then mom finally saying no to his gf coming over tomorrow.

And then I was dragged into it.  Josiah contacts me via texting and says we need to talk.  Uhhh, son, I am not a child, don't talk to me that way.  This went on for hours.  While that was going on I had this person following behind me for literally hundreds of miles.  Just interesting.  Something like three hundred miles and then they went off on Interstate ten while I veered off to the twenty.

I am not going into the whole Josiah thing today and with m'lady and all of that, the end of the story he apologized to her some 6 hours later and he still isn't having his gf over tomorrow and tough shit.  Get rid of the attitude and the anger.  His girlfriend had the gall to tell Josiah to tell us today that even though she can't come tomorrow, that still counts as a visit. M'lady ended up calling her mom and letting her know all of this wonderful infromation.

Anyway, it's bedtime. Duke took it as well and an old dog that hates to travel in a car could. I had him out several times stretching, but in the end? I brought him up here into this hotel room, laid out his bedding, he laid down and crashed.  I mean that fast. He is out of it.  I hate to put him through this but what else was I going to do? NOT leave him, that's for sure.  That dog is totally attached to me, I don't think he would live if I had done that to him and anyway, there is no way I would do that to a beloved dog friend!

That's it for today.  About four plus hours of driving tomorrow and this trip willl be done. So no big hurry to get up early! Woohooo!

G'nite.

ben

Well we're talking less than twenty four hours now.
Got off work early.
Fortunately the operations manager was running the store today so I got to say goodbye to him and he bought me lunch, which was cool.  Went over everything at work several times over to make sure I didn't forget anything. Turned in company work phone, uniforms, keys and whatever else, logged out of my computer so no-one can access my company email and all of that.

No, it wasn't hard leaving at all.  I had a few friends there the rest just co-worker stuff.

So here we go. Fill the car up with gas, stop by Goodwill with a bunch of stuff that is in perfect condition, go home and attempt to load the car up with everything. Good luck I am sure but I am going to try,
______________________________________

It is done.
I'm going to bed.  Was going to write more, lots going on but I was working all day getting my car looking like something out of the Beverly Hillbillies the way it is totally loaded up!  lol.

ben

Prized dog picture will fit in car behind driver's sit.  Have it WELL packaged, it will not get damaged. 2 other pics I want I think I will ship UPS, they will also be well packaged though who knows how they will fare ground transportation. Will insure them $250 a piece.  4th I am just going to leave - though that isn't positive yet. If I find time I will get another box and pack and ship it.  It's a about $150 in value.  $15 to ship.  Beautiful pic though.  These 4 pics I have been referring to are large pictures.

Tuesday.  4 days to try and bring this all together. It will be what it will be because Saturday morning? Lord willing?  I intend on leaving. As has become normal for this operation, finding papers seems to be a non-ending event.  I just wish I hadn't got sick - almost a month.  This would have all been done and ready and over with by now.

Whatever the case, found a tenant for Caleb's room - actually Lynnette found the tenant I wanted her to try her hand at it - but I sealed the deal.  She was busy dying her hair when this guy showed up!  Cool dude though, think he'll work out unless he leaves quick - marital problems, wife kicked him out, they live only a few miles away.  He also says he has someone to take George's room, which would be great if there wasn't a lot of searching to find another tenant.  With all of those rooms filled up, this house will pay for itself during the summer including extremely high electric bills which is the goal: not to have to spend anything from my paychecks once I move.

So yeah.  Tried to figure out a stopping point in advance, like a little beyond midway there, so around 700 miles.  Odessa. The price of a hotel in Odessa is outrageous, to put it mildly.  $100 for a Motel 6?!!  I'd sleep in my car before I paid that much money to sleep in a Motel 6!!  They go $39.99 to 50's range around here.  But I did find a deal on priceline for a 3 star hotel at 60 - I almost pulled the trigger.  But I wondered if I would actually make it that far in one day?  I know I CAN, that's not the point.  I haven't been on that long of a road trip in a long, long, time. Maybe I should just drive 500 miles the first and second day and finish it out the third morning.

Unfortunately, I am not going to leave things the way I wanted to, Mark will have to deal with it.  The trash cans are full already and more to throw out.  Though it's not "trash" trash, just stuff that I don't want.  Extra sheets and towels and things like that.

I'll be happy to - have a place to myself for a while to be honest.  I may not be spending a lot of time at it but I will have some privacy from people for however long I stay there and that will be nice.  Just me and Duke. Well actually Duke on weekends, I may leave him over at her house on weekdays so he has a big yard to run in and another dog to hang out with.  I don't really want him spending entire days alone.  He's never had that before and I don't think he would handle that too well. Just like new guy is out here when I am.  Not the end of the world but the lack of quiet time sometimes gets to me.

Well whatever, 4 days!  That's not much time!  Thank God I got that room rented out, though, I needed the extra funds.  Hotel room, leave enough money on power reader to last the rest of the month and a few bills plus gas money.  Kinda cutting this down to the wire on finances, that car ac and getting it fixed was the killer  Otherwise I would be $800 ahead of what I am right now and wouldn't even have to worry about this.

Enough. Time to be off to work.

ben

One thing is for certain: If I hadn't taken the time to go through that closet a  few months ago or however long it has been now and sorted through all of it, I would be in trouble right now.  Cause' honey?  I am going through it a SECOND time now, There is probably a 15th of what was in there and I have still been going through it for days, throwing stuff out, sorting stuff for Goodwill and keeping some of it to pack and ship.  I am trying to keep this move down to a bare minimum. But there are things that I don't want to get rid of, sentimental things - that mostly don't take up a lot of space anyway - and stuff I know I will use over there. Such as a 500 foot roll of Cat 5 wire.  Guaranteed I will need that.  It's telephone line basically. It's not cheap, either.  Was going to chuck it and then realized that i am going to need a line run from a wall to my computer.

I far prefer plugging the computer in to the router for my desktop than using and air card - which I don't even have installed on this thing anyway.  Not that I couldn't I just find that direct connection is better and faster than wifi.   That is my opinion and you are, of course, welcome to contest it.  Of course the computer I haven't even decided yet. Well I have decided: It's going in the car with me if I can fit it.  Otherwise? Yup, put it in a box and ship it over there.  $750 computer so definitely worth the $25 it would cost to ship, plus the printer and monitor, which will all fit into one of those boxes I have.

A dry run? Like try to pack everything in there plus room for a giant dog and see how it turns out? I think rear bumper of that car is going to be dragging on the ground, lol.  Fuel mileage will be less but some things I can't ship, such as my guns. Well you can, but you are going to pay a hefty price to do so.  Those are definitely going in the car.  The guitar would cost too much to ship too, so that's also going in the car.  The kachina doll definitely in the car and at least one wall painting.  It was my grandfather's.  Hung on his wall for decades. Beautiful pencil etched scene of two dogs tied together with a chain and a loop.  Hunting dogs.  I mean, it's probably worth money, who knows, I just like it's absolutely gorgeous.  Whoever made that thing was definitely a real artist, IMO, I'm not connoisseur.

Well I dunno, but I am not done being sick yet and it just sucks.  I mean, really?  By the time I am done with work I am totally drained of any energy. I got away with one today as I was informed I would have to take a load clear down to Eloy at 1 pm.  I wouldn't have gotten home from work til' 4 at the earliest.  Well by the time the truck was loaded and ready to go, I called. Oh noooo, we aren't going to be out there that late, by the time you get down here it's going to be at least 3 pm, correct?  Yup.  Not just the drive, but at least 20 minutes at the truck stop to fuel up since the truck is on empty.  There's an hour and a half there, at least half hour unload and an hour back.

I was inwardly saying thank you Lord cause' I did NOT want to do that, not the way I have been feeling. Instead, I got home, took an hour nap and then yes, went to town.  I can't let fatigue from illness stop me at this point, just have to get this done.  I mean, it's the 7th today and I am allegedly leaving on the 17th!  Not if I don't start getting seriously busy I ain't!  I want to be there by the Monday after that and then have the rest of the week, plus the weekend and then Memorial day to get used to a new routine, get settled in, etc etc etc.

Darn.  The people with the cabin/loft thing wrote back.  That thing looked cool!  They said they would take four hundred a month for it as long as I had good references.  Well what the bleep took them so long to write back? Prolly hoping someone would take it at five hundred.  Too late!  Actually the place m'lady found for me is nice and I have no complaints plus it's only 15 minutes from her house, this other place would have been a 35 minute drive.

There's more but it's bedtime.  Get some sleep and get at this again tomorrow.  Hoping to be able to ship all or most of my boxes out on Friday.  Hmmm, maybe I should do it next week.  That way those boxes probably won't even show up until after I get there and then I can deal with it.  Cept' that I want to get tis over with, gag.

G'nite.

ben

Tuesday.  Energy still hasn't returned.
This got old last week, no description now.
And yes, yesterday stunk.
Excepting I was able to sit around and do much of nothing at work for 4 hours and then a run that took another 4 hours and the day was done.
Today?  Loaded the truck and dragged it out all day long.  I could have gone faster, but why? I got everything done that needed to get done so that's all that counts.

Got home today and went to bed for an hour and a half.
Got up and went to work.
Worked for an hour and went back to bed.
Got up and went back to work. Clock is ticking, gotta get this stuff done and over with.
So it goes.  If I had my energy I would be all done with this now, just looking around double checking things.
Guess the double checking will be next week, goal this week is to get boxes packed and sent out UPS.  One box completely done, 2 more almost done, a 4th half done.  Probably be 6 of them by the time this is over, maybe 7.  Drawers all emptied out.  Nothing left to do in drawers. Closet 80% finished.  2 small boxes left of papers I have to sort through and decide what to chuck and what to take. It's getting closer.  A couple more days and I'll have this done and over with - I hope - or at least the vast majority of it.

Meanwhile m'lady found me a temporary place to live.  It's nice, a converted large shed type of structure. They completely remodeled the interior of it. An elderly, widowed lady who wants to make extra income.  She dreaded putting an ad out and having strangers come over.  She was happy that it was m'lady - who brought her youngest girls with her - that went over well and that was that.  I don't expect to spend that much time there actually. Nightime sleeping, that about it.  I will have my hands full with everything going on over there at her house and work, won't be time for lolly-gagging around.  Well there will be down time at night at least.

So, my project.  The 16 year old that is.  His gf's mother texts me yesterday asking if Josiah can go with them to celebrate their anniversary and her birthday - the mom's that is.  My initial reaction was no.  Josiah has been cranking on his mom, rebellious plus he's been over there 2 weekends in a row.  I told her that.  She writes me back talking as if she was a teenager herself. PULLLLLEEEEEAAAAASSSSSEEEEEE let him go, on and on and on.  How to you respond to that?  I didn't reply.  Talked to m'lady.  Her reaction - NO WAY.  So I told the lady that m'lady would call her later.

Later on in the day.  Josiah - the 16 year old.  We started talking about something can't remember what and then this comes up.  I wasn't being nasty with him, but I pretty much let him have it for quite a while.  Shoulda listened to me for the last several months asking for you to lighten up on your mom, just play the game, even if you don't want to. Learn how to SUCK UP to a person even if it's fake it will be nicer than the s*** you have been doling out to her forever and a day now.  This went on for over 2 hours.  I wasn't relenting.  You have failed miserably, you haven't even tried!   I finally told him something like this: IF you can be an angel and no fails and treat her like a queen for the next 4 days, not one single time making foul comments and all the rest of it in anger and contempt, then maaaaaaybe you can go and that's a big maybe, definitely no guarantees here at all whatsoever.  You don't have to convince ME, you have convince HER.

So you can't guarantee I can go if I do all of that?  What if she comes over (gf) for the next 3 weekends in a row after this weekend?  Makes no difference. This is about your attitude.  It sucks, basically.  You are ALWAYS contending, fighting and arguing with your mom.  THAT is what this about, not who spends time where.  Though that is an issue too, at comes a far distant second place to how you have been treating mom.  Well can I talk to mom about this? NO.

 So, I'm talking to m'lady and her initial reaction is no way.  You don't understand how badly he has been treating me.  I said yeah, but if he does really well the next 4 days, you at least might have a change of heart.  4 days of being treated like a queen would be a totally different thing going on over there.  I didn't guarantee him anything, anyway.  We talked awhile and she thought, yeah, that would be nice if I could get a reprieve from his s***.  My goal isn't just this week, it's forever.

Back to boy.  He just started working this week, his privilege to drive was given to him but under very controlled conditions.  He is at work now tearing out carpet or something in a large Presbyterian church. I know he's at work because the truck is parked in front of the church.  I know the truck is parked in front of the church cause' the tracker is showing it there.  The tracker tells when the engine is turned on and off, location every 5 minutes; "zones" you can set up which so far at home and school, and sends texts.  I am getting texts of the engine on and off.  I will get a text if he goes over 60mph on any road.  It will show any location that he stopped at.  Pretty useful tool for a kid that has - ideas - in his head.

Well last night he just couldn't stop texting and dragging this out.  I said okay, this are the terms, you already know them, I don't need to go over all of this again.  He wanted it spelled out - so I did.  If you fail once, you are toast.  Period.  You won't go and that's that.  His mood went all over the scale.  Up and down.  The final mood he tried was pity party.  Sorry dude, that ain't gonna work.  Okay.  He agreed to it - what choice did he have if he wants to go this weekend? I've seen pics of the rental boats, looks pretty fun - and this morning?  Good morning Ben!  Good morning Josiah! Well I hope you have a great day!  Thanks Josiah, you too!

Mind you, I never get texts from him in the morning.  I always send him a scripture or say something about God before he heads off to school, but he never replies.  Whatever, doesn't bother or faze me at all, I'ma get through to that boy or die trying.  I suppose the driving factor has changed his life even if only in small steps at first - for right now he is only allowed to drive to school and work.  Definitely not to gf's house.  His previous plans were he could drive over there AND be allowed to take her out on a date.  Fortunately even gf's parents dismissed that idea in a quick hurry.  Not now, son.  Not now.  He's made it 24 hours with the best attitude she's seen in a long time.   "He's schmoozing me".  Yup.  "I like it, wish he would do this all the time"  Yup. That's the goal.  I originally gave it 50% odds that he would make it, maybe even lower.  Hot head, gotta temper.  But I am upping it to 70-75% range because he is motivated.  It's an entire day out on a big boat, fishing, with his gf.  So maybe up it even more.

So that's that.  Meanwhile, she left 3 little ones at ex's, Josiah at work, so decided to take the other two to the movies tonight.  Good job, IMO.  Obviously get a bit expensive doing that with all 6 of them but when opportunities arise to take a couple of them, then do it.  I forget what movie they are seeing.

Enough.  The only real drag right now is attempting to get everything done.  I was going to take my desktop - which I am using right now - with me in car but I don't know that it's going to fit with a dog and all the rest of it in there.  I would prefer to take it rather than ship it but -- just don't know. Not taking little dog. Lynnette said she would take, I'm giving that dog to her.  She likes it so that's cool. I am not in love with it. I don't hate it but it's just not my favorite dog.  Duke is the last of the Mohiccans. After him?  I dunno.  She has 2 dogs though one of them is also getting old.  Her friend said she would get me another Great Dane if I wanted one. Yeah, probably will, just need to get everything done first.

Countdown: 11 days.  Not much time, really, but I got the car sold and the pond out, fish sold and done with.  Just the inground pond remaining and Mark said he would take care of it.  I didn't want to shut it down cause it would mean a lot of work removing it and infilling it and why bother? I got the big fish it, it will require very little maintenance.  Just about 25 small fishies in there.

It's my room that has presented the greatest challenge just that's where all of my personal possessions are.  What to keep, what to chuck and what to donate make for slow progress.

Well, getting late - for me anyway and I want to get another half hour done before I go to bed.

Ben

I'm dreading tomorrow. I just went to the store, that's all I did, and it hit me good.  Just got drained totally of energy.  I am obviously not over this s*** yet and it's getting REALLY old.  I have been sleeping and resting and doing much of nothing, yet I am still getting hammered by this junk.  But, flu usually takes a while for me to get over and this started on Thursday night so I guess it shouldn't really seem that crazy that I still feel miserable.

It's just that I had the bronchitis before that and dealing with the coughing and hacking, this whole thing has taken it's toll on me.  Cancel plans to get anything done today. I did some earlier but it's toast now.  I'm going to sleep for several hours this afternoon and then go to bed early tonight and hope and pray that I wake up in the morning with at least enough energy to make it through the work day.

I don't know what else to do - nothing.  Just lay around and hope this lifts, soon.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch.  Of course I will have to invoke the name of Josiah and then go from there.  He got his driver's license but his attitude has allowed him zero/nilch/nada driving on his own as of yet.  His former employer wants him back.  Christian man, owns a carpet cleaning business and is involved with other dealings, Josiah worked for him before. He called last month asking about having him come back to work - yes but not until he gets his license cause mama ain't driving his @$$ all over creation every day.  If I were there, I wouldn't want to either. Drive your own self, thank you.

So, I had a conversation with him earlier this week about his attitude, work, driving and does he really ever expect to drive while he is treating his mother like so much dog s*** laying on the ground?  In writing, I have an actual promise that he would improve his behavior and to some extent he has.  But not totally, as in this morning.  Having  cow because mom insisted that he wear long pants, not shorts to church.  I don't disagree, at least put on some jeans.  Then made a very stupid statement that if mom drives too close behind him today, he is going to slam on his brakes and force her to smash into him.

Apparently that was a joke, mama didn't like it.  I thought it was stupid myself.  So here I find myself in another conversation with a kid that has been trained to see things very differently in life than most people do, that by her ex.  Like trying to tear a brick wall down with a pair of pliers - long, drawn-out process to try to get him to see things a bit differently.  Of course the conversation went all over the place, including over at his gf's house where he spent much of yesterday.  I assumed I was accusing him of having sex with her and completely blew up.  Enough.  Just not in the mood to banter with a 16 year old that knows everything.  Told him as such but he couldn't leave it alone.

Whatever the case, I did end that conversation after dishing it right back out to him - you wanna keep this attitude up maybe you'll NEVER drive.  That calmed things down considerably.

Back at MY ranch: throwing things out, packing things, putting things aside to give away, a few items to sell.  But that is officially ended for today because it isn't helping me get better, rest and sleep and relaxation are the name of the game for the rest of this day.  Yeah I know, there is a deadline looming and it sucks cause by now I would have already had this junk done and over with, all my possessions I am keeping would have already been shipped and that's that.  Instead, here I am, still sick, feeling better but not enough better to get much of anything done and facing work tomorrow.  They probably wouldn't like me calling in a fourth day off even though IMO I really need it, so I will trudge through a day of work and hope that it doesn't cause me to have a relapse.  But I never remember getting struck with two separate illnesses as the same time anytime in recent memory.

Oh well. I think Duck Dynasty is on, if it ain't must be something.  Go lay down and watch something on TV and doze off.

ben

Easily hands down the worst sickness I have endured in a couple of years at least.  That's because it wasn't just one thing. I started with bronchitis and coughing incessantly alllll day long for weeks but then this week, got hit by the flu on top of it.  Thursday night, a very foul headache took over and continued on allllllll day long yesterday.  I have had zero energy.  I took 3 days off of work.  I was hoping to get anything done towards the move and only on one day did I feel good enough to pack one box.

As I said before, this couldn't have hit me at a worse time.  I should be done packing boxes by now and just doing finishing touches and making sure all duck are in a row, instead, I am no-where near done. It's pressing on  me bad, but there is nothing I can do!  If I am sick, I'm sick, I can't just wish it away and I can't just magically ask for my energy back.  If I start on something, I get tired in 10 minutes and have to go lay down.  I completely gave up on it yesterday with that headache, in fact I gave up on everything. I just made a trip to the bank yesterday and that was it. It was soooooooooo unbelievably miserable.

It's one thing to get a headache that feels that rotten for an hour or something and take some pills and get rid of it.  It's entirely another to get on that won't go away regardless of what you do and the only thing that makes it feel better is to lay down and go to sleep.  To put it into perspective, I was sitting here in my kitchen on the computer yesterday with tears coming into my eyes, involuntarily the pain was that bad.  I was not having an emotional meltdown, it was just the constant, unending pain of it that would not subside for any reason, even acetaminophine or later trying the other stuff, which has completely escaped my mind what it's called now.

So here it is, the 2 week countdown,  the headache is all but gone - I can still feel it but nothing like yesterday - I have so much to do and so little time to get it done.  Hit the panic button because that's how I feel at this point.  And sitting here doing nothing is still  all I can muster.  This would be the third day of the flu so that makes sense, flu doesn't just go away in a day.

So, do I force myself to just get with it and get stuff done regardless of how bad I feel? Or sleep and rest and get better and then hope once I have my energy back that I'll have enough time to get at least the bare minimum done and dump the rest on Mark?  Guaranteed George and Susan aren't moving into my room until I leave, I had other plans but those were shot out the window starting with that bronchitis.

This is getting complicated, much more than it should or needs to be.  I still wonder if I there is a message in all of this that I am not hearing or seeing.  Is it the enemy fighting me before a great victory? Or God telling me don't go?  Well I am not one of those people that believes that God "makes" people sick, still, am I missing something here?

I dunno.  I'm pretty much headlong into the thing at this point, kinda hard - not impossible - but kinda hard to turn back and say, oh well, this isn't working, gong, let's do something else.  Besides the tentacles entrenched into that family at this point and her for that matter, I have all but quit my job here and slated to start over there later on this month.  I still haven't even found a place to live over there yet.  Which isn't the end of the world there is always extended stay places but I would like to get something sealed and done before I get there.  Ohhhhh how I wish I had that 401k loan paid down enough to pay it off and take out another loan against it, that would help this situation immensely right now.  Still got over $700 to go before it's done.  Take out a 5k loan and not have to worry about money issues.

This is all taking a step into thin blue air off a ledge a thousand feet up from the bottom and wondering where my foot is going to land.

Well I'm going to start stressing if I get off onto this subject too much and stress does not help get over illness, so I guess I better stop.  I have found, though, at least a couple of extended stay motels that would do if I find nothing else.  There is, of course, the tenting option in a campground right there in Longview.  Not as bad as it sounds since all I would be doing is sleeping there, the rest of the time either at her house or at work.  I'm going to call this an adventure and attempt to start treating it that way and care less where or how this adventure unfolds and if that means a campground then so beit!  Keep my expenses WAY down on living!  Look, there are plenty of rooms available there just the totally wrong direction.  I can't be living an hour and a half drive away from work.  45 minutes is bad enough.

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Long interlude.  And time for bed.  I'm feeling much better though, thank God Almighty!

ben

Wednesday morning.
Yes, I took the day off work.
Probably going to call in sick for tomorrow as well.
I am feeling better, but not that much better.  I mean the coughing is going way down, finally.  After days of coughing twenty-four hours a day at least I can say that much. But I still feel like crud.

Sitting at Denny's waiting on breakfast, didn't feel like cooking but was hungry.  Going to Walmart to get some packing material.  I'm not saying I'm going to start packing today, I just need to have the stuff available for when it finally hits that I am well enough to do something in that arena, cause' honey? The clock is ticking down. It's the thirtieth of April and I am supposed to be leaving for Texas on the seventeenth of May.  That may sound like a lot of time but it really isn't considering what I still have left to go and considering I have been put on hold for quite a while now concerning this illness wiping me out.

Like, go to work drain out whatever energy I may have and get home and have nothing left.  So yeah, I will probably take tomorrow off too.  If I feel like pushing it I will take off Friday as well and use some of my sick hours up.  I have used 5 of them out of eighty.

So, off to Walmart after this and then home and back into my bedroom and continue to breath in heavily humdified air.  And rest.

Of course the normal stuff going on, or becoming normal anyway.  Josiah playing his little games.  Well this one was a big game.
_____________________________
Thursday morning.
Tired, out of it, feel like crud still.  No energy, couldn't work if I wanted to - which I don't and called in again. If I feel like this at the end of today? Yup, I will be calling in again.  That's what sick time is for, you get sick, you stay home and get well.

I have all of these thoughts swirling around in my mind to get stuff done today since I am home towards moving, yet I have zero energy.  Getting out of bed was a major effort in itself.

_____________________________

I'm sick, what can I say?  Kept falling asleep on and off all day long. Tried to get anything done in packing, got one box done, gag.  I've got a bad sinus headache going right now and it isn't too pleasant.

Ended.  Finish in a new one.

Took everything in me to drag my butt out of bed this morning and get up for work.  By the time I got to work, I knew I was toast.  I signed in and sat there wondering how I could possibly make it through a work day feeling this incredibly sh....bad.  So I called the main warehouse manager and asked if he could send someone over to cover for me.  The same shit I always get from him, I knew I should have bypassed him and gone straight to the ops manager.

So I said fine, but when i get back from these deliveries, I am leaving and going to the doctor and btw, I will not be coming in tomorrow.  Then I wrote the OPs manager.  Same thing, lungs on fire, can't hardly breath, going to do the deliveries and then leave and may not be back for the rest of the week.  When I got back he he replied fine, but please acknowledge your review before you leave. Cool.  Then, after getting back from that run some 5 hours later, I told the warehouse manager I was leaving and that I won't be coming in tomorrow.  He says fine, call me if you aren't coming tomorrow.

This guy is a total jackass. I've said it to him three separate times today and he still doesn't get it, so I said quite loudly to get his attention: I GUARANTEE you I will NOT be coming in tomorrow! I did not call him, I left.  I'll call him tomorrow and tell him I ain't coming in Thursday, either and I may not go in Friday. I have been feeling like shit for almost 3 weeks now but the last 3 days has been hell.  I am going to keep running around all over the place at work and feeling like this and then go home with no energy and getting nothing done.

I have a freaking deadline here, I can't just stay sick forever!  If I don't get back to some semblance of normal in the next few days, I am going to have to start questioning whether I will be ready to go by the time the seventeenth of May gets here.  Even if I weren't moving, I can't just have this company running me into the ground by people who could give a damn about anyone's health. Every time I ask this guy to leave early if I'm sick but I showed up to cover the workload - he ALWAYS says well let me look. Go look at your ass in a mirror, I want to go home!  He could care less that a person has gone out of their way to show up and get things done even if in reality, that person should be staying home and in bed.

But there is another reason I don't want to work when I am feeling that bad: I get really cranky.  I won't bite my tongue when people are acting stupid or saying stupid things. I get myself into trouble. It's best I just hole up in my bedroom and get past it. So the first delivery? "We don't need this", referring to 2 twenty foot lengths of pipe that they ordered. I looked at that guy and said: why the bleep are you people always ordering shit and then telling us you don't want it when we bring it?  They do this all the time but usually I keep my mouth shut. Instead, all I could think about was getting the freak out of there and getting these deliveries over with.  He looked at me and stepped back. I knew I had blown it but I didn't even care.

Then there was the last delivery.  I pulled up, got out, unstrapped, talked to a guy who disappeared.  I got the entire load shifted and unstrapped and restrapped excepting for what needed to be taken off.  Then a Yellow freight truck showed up. I had called the superintendent and asked him if I could get this truck unloaded, please.  He said, oh, there's nobody there? No, I replied, there are plenty of people here and I even talked to one person but nothing has happened yet. So, when this freight truck shows up so does a guy in a truck. I He gets out of the truck and proceeds to unload this freight truck first!  I"m just standing there glaring at him.  Then some other dude comes out and stands there at the back of my truck watching this guy on the forklift. The guy on the forklift asks about something and he says, Oh nooooo, take your time, i have all day!

Yeah, that's when I lost it. Well I sure as hell don't have all day and i was here fifteen minutes before this truck that you are unloading.  He just looks at me.  I'm waiting and waiting, this is takin forever and yes, I was getting crankier by the minute. I called the superintendent back and told him what was going on and he started asking for names.  What's your name? Josh. Didn't change a damned thing though they were going to unload that other truck regardless and I was pissed.

Normally, if I weren't feeling so crappy, I would just go back into my truck and get on my computer and who cares. But I was in pain. My lungs were on fire. I was hating life.  Guy tells me to chill and then I let him have it.

Whatever. I may yet get into trouble for that, I dunno, but if I do, I"ma blame it on that asshole manager that refuses to give me any leeway, whatsoever, whenever I tell him I'm sick. Which is not that often.  When I say I'm sick and need to go home, they know I ain't making up stories.  Yet at the same time, they don't seem to give a damn. Actually I was saying that I needed to go to the doc's, not home and that didn't phase him at all. Funny part is this dude has health problems and takes off frequently to go to the doc's.  Just leaves.

I didn't want to hear it when I got back from the run. Just I'm leaving, won't be back tomorrow, good bye!

Went to doc's and they put me on some inhaler thing that has pure oxygen being pumped into it with some steam looking stuff and you breath it in for a while.  It helped quite a bit but certainly didn't make me feel THAT much better. Still, the effects of that and the inhaler have been palpable. I left there and went to the dude's house to get AC fixed.  Miserable, tired and wanting it over with, but needed to be done.  He got that thing cranking out colder ac than it has ever cranked out, but almost 3 hours of that.  Finally home, I want to sleep for over an hour but started coughing again so got up.. BTW, I have bronchitis.

Well i got on computer and talked to m'lady for a while then after hearing what she was saying about Josiah, contacted him and asked him about all the stuff and - anyway - not anything I even remotely feel like going into right now - stood there about to go to bed and Susan comes out just staring at me. You sound like hell.  you sound like you're teetering on the verge of pneumonia.  Well what am I supposed to do? I went to the doc's, got the prescription filled, on the medication?

I'm in my bedroom now. Humidifier pumping away, it will have it's effect soon enough when enough of the moisture is in the air to get down into my lungs, I will stop coughing almost altogether.

If you can't tell yet, I'm in a freaking bad mood.  Why the hell did this have to hit me now, of all times, when I have all of this stuff going on? Stop and listen to God I am guessing.  Better do that.  Something ain't right here.

ben

Caleb

So for a glimpse of time, I got to see my son.  I mean, he's spending the night here but he left to go visit mom and some of his friends are throwing a party for him.  We talked about the Bible and God.  That's what we always do. We talk about the things that are going on in our lives and how they relate to - the Bible and God.  Cause' that's what interests both of us and we both see the Bible is a treasure trove, full of gems and full of truths and full of revelation.

We were deep into a discussion but he started looking at the clock so I knew it was time for him to get moving.  Inwardly, very reluctantly, I let him go.  Outwardly, good to see you son, love you.  Yeah, I'll get to see him for a short time tomorrow morning but then that's it for quite a while.  Yes, I miss him something fierce, though it doesn't really hit me until  - I see him again and and this time it's such a short time that he was here.

But a short time is better than no time.

We pulled out Hebrews 11 and talked about that for quite a while and then he said, well, I guess  this is the last time I will see you for ---- years.  I'm sure the look on my face wasn't one of, gee won't that be wonderful.  No, I said what on earth are you talking about?  Well you'll be in Texas and I can't afford to get out there.  I've already told him several times I would fly him out there and back to wherever if he wanted to come visit.  But I said it again.  Oh, cool.  I said yes, aren't you coming back to town after you are done in Hawaii?

He didn't know. He doesn't feel like he is supposed to be here for any length of time which is totally fine with me. I just ended this with: wherever you are, I will get you out to Texas and you can stay as long or short a stay as you like.

Cool, he replied. I said and maybe have you come out when the kids are on break from school so you can not only meet them but maybe minister some truth to them.  Not that I won't, but never hurts to get it from other sources that are like-minded.  Well, Caleb is out and about now.  With his mom by now I am sure.  Just a very tight schedule for him, I understand and it really is a blessing that I could spend any time with him at all -- but I am his father and I love him and it still kinda is hard to be only able to see him for a few hours and then gone.  Well he has to be up early tomorrow for his flight back to Hawaii so I will see him for a little while in the morning, but if he's staying out half the night with mom and friends, he will be too tired to do much talking of anything.

And I am sick with this respiratory junk and mornings are the hardest part.  He is done with his 1 year commitment to RevHi in August and after that coming back to Phoenix to visit if nothing else.  Regardless of what he is doing, hopefully he will be able to find some time to come out and visit me/us/my new family.  Still that's at least 5 months probably longer before I get to see him again.  I know, suck it up.  Not  I don't subscribe to the theory that men should have no feelings or never show them. I don't, frankly, give a damn what anyone thinks about my showing my feelings to the people that I love and if that includes some tears, then so beit.

Time for bed. Monday's coming soon.  Huge orders that have not been pulled.  I know because I was at work on Saturday to get some things and looked in the truck routing system and found all that stuff in there - stuff that wasn't there before I left on Friday.

G'nite.

ben

Sunday morning.
Woke up at 3 am and then fell right back dead asleep.
6 am, up-and-at-em.
Got up, got my coffee, got out of the house.
Decided to break down, go to Walmart, get 2 cans of freon and recharge the ac system in the old car
Twenty bucks to get the ac working and more importantly, make it a huge selling point for that thing.
So get that pumped in and see if I get any response.

Meanwhile, my car's ac repair put off again. They had to order a condensor from California and it hasn't arrived yet.
Oh well.  It'll get done. I don't feel well enough to sit in a garage for 3 plus hours today anyway.

So today's agenda:
just that. I feel like crud.  Got more sleep then I usually do and it's making me feel even worse.  Just gonna pump that stuff into the car when I get home and then head to the bedroom.  Maybe do some packing into boxes.  I can start sending that stuff off, no need to wait and do it all at once.

Well hours later.  Josiah contacts me.  Hey man, can I work today for some money?  Litmus test coming on his promise, cause mom didn't like the idea for a variety of reasons but just said oh well, let him do it.  I can't go into the details of what transpired, just a "crisis" was averted and so I said good job to him about that and hope you keep it up.

Went to start the old Buick today and - nothing.  Totally dead.  Took it back to Auto Zone and they charged it. Came back later, uhhh, this battery is bad.  What? I just got that battery from you 2 weeks ago!  I remained calm though, the guy looked at me and said, well okay, I'll give you a break this time! The warranty expired like last week or something. Thank you!

Fired it up, it only took one can of freon to get ice cold air pumping out of that thing.  Freaking cars. This things is 2 decades old and all it needs is freon, my car is a decade old and it needs $700 worth of repairs. Gag.

Went through more stuff today but I am wiped out. I gotta get over this chest congestion junk. It is wearing me out and I am not getting near enough done.  There is a deadline looming and it ain't that far off now.  The 16th is my last day of work and here it is already the 27th.  that's only 19 days - less than 3 weeks - to get this stuff done!  That's a challenge feeling good, feels like impossible the way I feel right now!

I mean of all times to get sick!  Over 2 weeks of this now and who knows when and "end date" is for it.  Gag.
Well I"m going to do some more work today in my bedroom anyway.  Got my boxes in there, got the tape and started taping boxes together and started loading one up.  Then realized I have very little packing material.  Never-ending, seriously.  This is all starting to get old, all the crap I keep running into with this situation.  I still have plenty of time to get this all done, though, just have to keep plugging away at it, even if slowly so i don't wear myself out.

I still have to find a temporary place to live over there, too.  Freaking live in a tent at a KOA I don't really care it's only a sleeping place I can take showers at her house and Duke will be over there as well.

Update

I know, I haven't posted since Saturday, some 6 days ago.  But I have both been sick and very busy.  I found out that this coughing bug can last for months regardless of whether you go to a doc's or not and get meds that do - absolutely nothing to this thing.  Cough medicine hardly does anything to stop it either.  To be honest?  When this happens this bad? The only thing I have ever found that works for me is a couple shots of whatever alcohol.  Coughing stops and at least I can have some kind of relief.  I suppose the cough medicine with codeine would work as well, but codeine makes me physically sick.  Like feeling like throwing up sick.

Whatever the case, between the house and trying to get ready to move and attempting to deal with what is increasingly becoming a belligerent 16 year old boy and trying to sell off stuff and all the rest of it? I'm exhausted. Went to the airport last night at ten to get Caleb - my son- and bring him back to my house.  We had maybe an hour long conversation - it was eleven thirty by the time I got to sleep and then up at four thirty am for work.  Yeah, I'm getting really tired.  Not "of" stuff, just tired!

Josiah completely out of control. Too much to go into and yes, that's just this week alone.  I just can't get into that right now.  Plus the situation with the church.  You know, if you say anything about a church that doesn't make them look like lily white angels? You are going to get hell for it. Whatever. I didn't back down on my statements, I just backed off from it, not worth it. Dunno if I will go back, other churches around here I can go to for the last few, remaining Sundays I have left in Phoenix.

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Saturday. Pond sold.  People interested in car, but keep getting low balled.  C'mon, it's 600 buck for a running car, geeze. They keep offering 500. At some point if I don't get a better offer I may have to take it.  but I'm holding out.  The pond was a total pain in the ass.  Draining it, catching 6 small fish that were still in there and moving it out to the vehicle for this lady and loading it.  She was probably in her mid 60's, I didn't expect her to do any of it, but still. At least it ain't hot today. In fact, overcast and windy and cool.

Fired the old Buick up to make sure the battery isn't going to go dead on it.  Some people stopped and asked how much. $700. Would you take 5? No, I'll down to 6.  Okay well we'll talk about it and maybe get back to you. Which means to me I will never see them again. I just simply do not want to take 500 for it unless it's just all I can get.

Went to work today and made some signs for it, plus got the tape gun to start packing - boxes are all torn down but in  great shape, just need to put them back together and tape them up again. Changed my approach to moving. Was going to get a trailer and a hitch on the car - didn't really want to but what other option was there cheaper than that? Well turns out, shipping out of our branch will be as cheap or cheaper via UPS.  I have 18X18X24 moving boxes and I input 50 pounds into WorldShip (UPS software used for shipping) and it came back with a price tag of $33.  Well I don't have an incredible amount of stuff to ship, maybe 10 of those boxes at most plus putting odd shaped stuff in trunk of car.  If there is something bigger I will bite the bullet and ship it.  I'm trying to keep my stuff down to a minimum.

So that's my new plan. Probably going to stick with it, too, unless I end up with too many boxes to ship. But I don't think so.  I don't need to be taking a lot of stuff.  Unsure how to ship the Kachina doll though.  It is a handcrafted doll made by one of the local Indian tribes and it is worth some dough.  I don't know how much, would have to have it appraised. Had it since the early 80's.

Anyway, without a trailer on that car? I can haul @$$ out there.  I won't need more than one overnight stay at a hotel - hope I can find one that takes dogs, have heard that there are chains that will. What will fit in the boxes? Clothes, kachina ( put insurance on it if I go that route), PS3, pictures, important papers, things that i want to keep.  My wall pictures - worth some bucks - in car, as well as guitar.

Meanwhile getting AC fixed tomorrow on the car.  It was going to be Friday but they condenser was the wrong one.  Gag.  Also picked up Caleb (my son) from the airport Thursday night at 10, spent an hour talking to him.  Unfortunately I could not get work to change schedule so I had to go to work the next morning.  He's coming back Sunday evening so I hope to get at least a few hours to visit with him before he jets back to Hawaii Sunday night.  $700 to fix AC.  Needed  a new compressor, two lines and a condensor plus of course freon and oil and the labor.  I am getting out of it cheap. That much work at a regular shop would cost probably twice that much.  This guy is ASE certified, just going to school and does jobs on the side at his parent's house.

This is some pretty solid hours I am putting in here. Plus I have been sick and hacking and coughing now for well over 2 weeks.  It is slowing me down, worst time to get something like this. I have talked to a large number of people now that have this bug - some for 4 MONTHS!!  NOOOOOOOO!!

Meanwhile, Duke - Great Dane - is missing Prince something terrible. Had to put Prince down last week, he's running around looking for him all over the place, jittery and unhappy. I asked a friend that breeds Danes for any advice - take him to the park, keep him busy and make sure he's well fed.  Okay!  Took him with me to the farewell party some old friends were throwing for me and got a good walk in with him.  I can't lose another dog right now. Duke is old by Great Dane standards, it would just rip me apart to lose yet another one.  One of m'lady's friends in Texas says she will get me another Great Dane. Yes!  A puppy to boot. I never thought I would want a puppy again, but Dane life span is so short, the only real way to enjoy their life span completely is to start out in puppy hood.

So, back to yesterday. Josiah. Being a total pain in the ass.  Rebellion, incorrigible, mouthing off to his mom.  BAD. Called her an asshole earlier this week. I've never even heard of a lady being called that, usually other derogatory terms reserved for females that males want to use against them.  Whatever the case, that crossed my line. We had it out yesterday via texting.  He refuses to talk to me on the phone, which is fine, means that a texting war will go on for hours instead of getting it over with in maybe half an hour or even less.  This started at 4 and finally ended at 8. I'm not saying rapid fire texting, he said something, I would say something back, back and forth but in "due" time, not sitting there doing nothing else.

I am a man, this 16 year old boy kept telling me. I put him in his place: Men do not speak to their mothers that way.  Even if they do not agree with them.  Real men do not have short-fuse tempers that blow up in an instant without even that much provocation.  On and on, he finally said, FINE, just don't treat me like a 5 year old. Then stop acting like one!!!!!!  This all started when he bypassed me - making plans to be with that girl without even asking much less even saying ANYTHING about it, so I bypassed him and contacted both of her parents and told how he is acting and what he is saying to his mom.

Yup, that started it. He was having a cow. You are trying to break us apart! If you ruin us, I swear to god........about the point he said that is when I started in on him. You will NOT talk to me that way, period.  It got pretty heated. I won't tolerate a teenager talking to me like that, non-happening event.  At some point, m'lady texted me and asked me to stop texting him. ???  Turns out Josiah was with ex, I didn't know that. He had been with mom when this started.  But it didn't matter, HE texted me, not the other way around.  Ex yelled at her on the phone, nothing worth going into.  M'lady took it hard, ex talking to her like that.  Today? I told her if he calls you again and talking to you like that about my interaction with Josiah, you can give him my phone number and he can call me and try that yelling s*** on the phone with me.

I don't think she liked that idea, either, probably cause' she knows I'll let that man know exactly how I feel about the way he treats his own kids not to mention all the yelling shit with m'lady.  Regardless, after hours of texting and going through every single thing under the planet, I finally got a PROMISE out of that boy to get rid of the attitude and start acting nice towards mom and stop cussing her out, especially in front of the rest of the kids.  I mean, it was hours of outrageous attitude that is reinforced by his dad.  That guy is a real piece of work.  But I never say anything bad about him to the kids, just can't do that.  For obvious reasons.

Onto other things? Yes, I'm tired. This has been a LONG week.  Besides some long hour the hacking and coughing, the congestion in my lungs, it's taking a toll on me.  I have far less energy than normal.  Hard to make it through a work day.  Too many people have been to a doc with this junk and gotten medicine/antibiotics that did them absolutely no good to the point I ain't bothering.  Try some of the home remedies such as the honey and cinnamon thing.

What now?  Sitting at a restaurant. Long day. I needed a break, nothing in the fridge or nothing I was interested in anyway, restaurant a mile away from my house. Probably won't be able to do that in the future with a wife and 6 kids, but that's cool, the company will be better than eating alone at a restaurant.   Well not just company, family.  People that actually love me and I love them back.

The day has only gotten shittier.
The woman not only took all of my fish from the pond I am shutting down -which is what we agreed upon, but only left small fish in my other pond, NOT what we agreed on. She was here while I was gone - which I didn't care I was dealing with Prince.  I'll get over it but she took a lot more than we agreed to.  Alot of money's worth. I'll get over it and won't even say anything to her, but that in ground pond isn't going anywhere so it kinda sucked she did that.

But that's the way the world is and how we treat each other.

But then other stuff happened. Wow.  I don't think I should go into it on the WWW so I won't.  Just got out of hand.  I mean, really.

I'm bidding 4/19/2014 good bye.

And good riddance.

Would prefer not to relive a day like this on several fronts.

ben

Goodbye Prince, My Giant Black Great Dane

Here we go again, but it's time. Prince, my black Great Dane. He's done.  His hips are toast, he can barely walk now.Just kinda went from bad to really bad overnight.  He isn't wincing in pain but it's obvious it's time to put him down.  He's getting close to 10 years old anyway, pretty much the extent of a Great Dane's life span.  Worries me, Duke is still doing good but him and Prince are brothers, he's also almost 10..........
So, try to get that dog loaded in the car and take him to a place to get him euthanized this morning.  Gag, just what I wanted to do on a Saturday.  I've got a heaping huge list of things I need to get done and I guess this one was sorta on it, just not something I really wanted to face I guess. I will not get 3 dogs again. In fact, when the next one goes, I will probably just have 1.

AC went out on my car so I have to figure out what's wrong with that and get that fixed as well.  Dumping freon somewhere.  I bought a can of red dye to pump into it yesterday, going to do that later after I get done with Prince.  It is coming out so fast that it should be pretty easy to figure out what the problem is. Unfortunately, at the rate it's coming out, I'm guessing it's the compressor.  Not a cheap thing. Yeah, just called out of curiosity to see what I am facing: $200 bucks.  Not including the other parts you have to replace or the freon.  I don't have a vacuum pump to pump out air in the lines, so have to get someone over to do that and pump the freon in.

Well, I don't know for sure it's that yet, just guessing.  Dealing with Prince takes priority today, not a pleasant prospect.
______________________________

Prince - is gone.
Took 3 people to get him from the cement sidewalk where his hips basically gave out - the smooth concrete he just couldn't navigate.  He just laid down in a heap and sat there looking at me, directly in front of the door to the entrance of the facility. This was at the Humane Society and a volunteer came out and said, well he can't stay there. No duhh, asshole, give me a freaking break.  I didn't say that to him, I just said yes I know.  Well you are going to have to put him back in your car and wait. I almost told him to go stick it, but instead, I just said no WAY is that dog going back in that car.  It took 2 people to get him in there and now? It's a done deal.

This guy was cruising for a bruising.  I had to hold myself back. He continued on with his tirade which is when I - started to come unglued.  I'm here to put my dog down, not listen to your stupid ass griping about my dog! Somebody must've heard me because the next thing I knew, we were trying to get him into the facility where he and I would be put into a small waiting room until it was our turn. This volunteer tried to pick up his entire ass end with a towel, this dude was way too small to lift a dog that size. I was about to tell him I would do it but then this huge behemoth of a man stood up, politely moved the man out of his way, picked the back end of the dog up, I got one side of the front of Prince and then the volunteer got the other and away we went into the waiting room.

I'm trying to move, so spending a lot of money on putting a dog down was not in the cards.  So waiting 2 hours wasn't pleasant but it saved me $120 over the cheapest next option. I mean I guess I could have taken him out to the desert and put a bullet in his brain and buried him there, but $60 bucks was good enough.  The vet came in and he was obviously very good with animals - and their owners that are about to see their animal pass. Well they don't let you in there at this facility, I knew that in advance.  They take him to the back, put the drug into him and that's the end.  But it was good to see him interacting with Prince at least.

Prince  knew something was going on and he got a bit fussy. I petted him and soothed him an then 3 people came in and tried to lift him up off the floor. 143 pound dog laying there like jelly, non-happening event. So they asked if I could coax him to get up and I did, he got up, they got underneath him, carried him around a corner and that was the last I saw of him.  The vet assured me that they put them down right away, they don't hold them or anything,. Thank you. Tears started flooding my eyes and I about lost it.  I turned around to leave to be greeted by something like 30 sets of human eyes all gawking at me.

I dunno why people have to do that. I swear every person in that place staring at me and this 12 year old or so kid continuously asking me what happened to that dog? What's wrong with him?  Why can't he walk? I'm usually patient and kind with kids, I didn't even respond. You gotta remember this is the third dog I've had to put down in the last 3 years.  Duke is getting up there in years for a Great Dane so I don't know how much time he has left, either.  A dog food bowl that will never be eaten out of again, a big black dog that I will never see again.

Well just - and I mean just  - before I was going to try and load Prince up in the car to deal with this, this lady shows up for the Koi fish.  She never responded to me about what time she intended on showing up and I sent her an email this morning asking. Oh well, deal with it.  Sold the entire pond's worth of fish to her, she had them gone by the time I got home from having Prince put down, though that took almost 3 hours from leaving the driveway to getting home, so yeah.  Now I have the pond itself up for sale, too big to haul to Texas though I wish I could.

Geeze,  I have so much to do and I just had it all drained out of me with Prince.  Guess I need to suck it up and get busy, the clock is ticking and it doesn't care how I feel or what I've been through. But I pretty much knew I would have to put him down soon, his condition deteriorated quickly. So strike that off the list, strike selling the fish off the list, pond is already on Craigslist for sale not much luck with the car.

Regardless, I'm gonna have to force myself to get out there and pump that dye into that system and see if I can figure out where the freon leak is.  I had high hopes of getting alot done in getting things packed in my room today, but I think that is wishful thinking. Who knows, it's still possible I guess.  But I feel shitty now.

So who knows. M'lady's best friend texted me earlier, she wants me to call her to discuss some things.  For her to say that means something is definitely not right with something. So probably take a nap and try to get a little rest, get up, talk to her and maybe do the freon thing.  Otherwise, I'll do it after church tomorrow.

G'day.

ben