Friday - 7:45 am

Who knows what this other driver will do today.  He was actually late yesterday to the loading plant, I just didn't show up particularly early since I don't want to be subjected to this driver's antics.  The question is: when should I show up in Gurdon today? I've landed on 11:30 am, an hour and a half past his appointment time and see what happens.  I'll be the squeaky wheel with the manager about these drivers showing up late, repeatedly, until he either does something about it or he invites me to find employment elsewhere.

I don't really care which at this point.  Don't want to have to find another job, at the same time, this situation is insufferable.  The idea of giving these drivers early load times when he - the manager - knows they won't show up on time is ridiculous.  I know he knows because they all went through a list of drivers and when they typically show up.  As I say, they can show up as late as they want - on the second run.

I am not going to complain about not having to get up at 5:30 am, however.  That's the only good thing  about getting the second run.  

Paid today, it was around 2k, which is the minimum I want for take-home pay.  

If I wanted to make a case for getting rid of satellite tv, this is it right here. I have it on, trying to watch the news, was trying to watch an episode of Bar Rescue before that, but what is there in ample abundance for a service you pay through the nose for? Endless commercials.  Most of them are at least 3-1/2 minutes worth, that's on the low end of the scale.  I see them going on as much as 5 plus minutes.  In fact, I was trying to watch a movie I had recorded last night.

There was 4 minutes and 45 seconds of commercials every commercial break. The movie would play 5 minutes and then 4 - 45 of commercials, endlessly. It's why I usually just record shows and watch later: I can fast forward through all of the endless commercials about a drug that causes you to lose weight, but, wait!  It will also give you a stroke, heart attack, heart palpitations, seizures, headaches, etc.  You listen to the list of  potential side effects and you are left wondering why anyone would take such a thing with the possibility of death, even, as a result of having had taken that pill.  I've never quite understood why they are showing these ads anyway?  I guess to pressure your doctor to give you that particular pill?

Anyway, it seems I could just buy the entire series of shows I like and watch them at will on a DVD player and have much, much cheaper services showing me a few of the channels I "must have".  

I was looking at mortgage interest rates, they are more than double what I am paying on the cashout-refi.  And then housing prices are way up, a double whammy to anyone trying to buy a house.  Just lamenting the interest rates right now.  It makes buying anything unapealling.  

Mother is back in town, but only long enough to get supplies and go back up to her mountain property.  Apparently my oldest brother volunteered once again to take her up there to get away from the 4th of July and the effect it has on her dog.  Any excuse to get up there, I am sure. If I were living there and  retired I would certainly do the same thing for her.  You can't just take her up there, dump her off and say ok, I'll be back in 2 weeks. It's not that you can't leave her alone or that she doesn't stock up enough supplies to live off of, she's been doing that for decades.

It's the threat of forest fires that force the issue that a person must be mobile and can get out of there.  In the summer, AZ forests become bone dry and the fire danger always goes up to high, extremely high and severe ranges.  In fact, her property had burned decades ago before she bought it by a raging fire that would have killed anyone in it's path.  My brother's cabin is something like 7 miles down the road.  The other thing is, if there is a fire, they will shut down the roads leading up there, making a rescue effort impossible without being able to convince authorities that they either let you through or they go up and get the person themselves.  

On tap today is simply go up, unload, come back and then start the weekend.  The weekend off, that is.  I'm also expecting a reply from the LS dealer. I was told yesterday that the salesman wasn't in and he would be in tomorrow (now today) and he would contact me then, or, I could call.  I like stuff in writing, I said I'd be happy to wait.  It's one thing someone quotes you whatever over the phone, entirely another to have a person writing it out in an email and sending actual product quotes that you can't deny or try ot change the parameters at the last minute.  I've encountered enough salespeople that do that that it's prudent, imo, to get that stuff in writing. 

If the dealer in Alabama has the kinds of pricing advertised, I'd like to hope the dealer 2 states away (they are in Louisiana but near the state line) would have similar pricing.  

Have you been paying attention to all of these illegals killing people, especially innocent children?  "Migrants Charged In String Of Violent Crimes" is the headline I'm watching right now. Then show a pic of a 12 year old girl that was strangled by these human rodents.  Doesn't it seem extremely coincidental that all of a sudden, Democrats want to get "tough on crime" and enact inconsequential border bills that don't make a damned bit of difference?  These people have a huge invitation to come here, get cash, phones, medical, housing, transportation, food.  Free.  Just..free.   They always pull these tactics which sometimes sway enough uninformed and gullible voters to vote for them, then they switch back immediately to their "defund the police" and open borders.  You must be a racist and afraid of latinos if you are anti-open border stance.  

Yeah, whatever. That word salad gibberish isn't working on me. I'm not on board with progressive communist desires and agendas.  Call me all the names you want, I'm pro America, not pro change this nation into an elitist run, tyrannical driven  dictatorship where capitalism is rejected for the "common good". These stupid people don't understand that even communist theories run their models on top of capitalism, crushing it, but keeping it alive enough to keep any given economy running.  

Whatever.  I don't want to get started on all of that nonsense this morning, it's a beautiful day and I don't want to dwell on negativity.  I had a decent paycheck, I'm not broke, things are running relatively smoothly and life is good.  I have 7 plus hours of work to do and then an entire 2 full days off plus whatever will be left of this one.  I am contemplating going 2 towns over tomorrow to see the new Planet of the Apes movie.  I have always loved those movies starting when I was a little boy.  That franchise has been around for a long, long time.  The last one they put out I thought was good.  I saw a trailer of the new one and it also looks good, keeping in the theme of the franchise and carrying it to new possibilities.  

I don't know if I'll go, they were showing it in town here, I didn't get there in time to see it before they moved on to other movies.  The local theater here is cheap - $4.50 for matinee adult pricing.  The snack bar is as expensive as anywhere else, I'll take the cheap tickets any day, especially toting 3 children along with you.  They all want snacks, I just buy popcorn and a soda. The youngest didn't go last time because he demanded to have a child's "tray" that has all kinds of junk on it.  I just said, it's popcorn and soda. If you don't want it, that's up to you. He stayed home. Now he is "threatening"  not to go to church. That won't stop the older boy from going, at all.  He loves church and he has come to love Jesus.  He goes both for the playtime and the teachings. And the worship too, I forgot, they have their own worship service in the kids ministry room. 

I don't cave to 7 year old demands is the point.  I won't force anyone to go to church or try to manipulate them into going by offering them treats or whatever it is they are wanting.  They go because they want to.  It is, in fact, true that the ministry workers have to separate the 2 in the children's church because the younger starts "stuff" with the older and has authority issues.  Specifically, he doesn't like to be told what to do and will do what he pleases regardless of consequences.  I said that correctly: regardless of consequences.  

I'm guessing he'll change his mind about church, but who knows? He is way smarter than anyone knows about, he has plans when he does things like that. Mostly, it's about treats and can he badger his mom into giving him a treat just to get him out of her hair? He will just go and go and go on about treats until he either gets into trouble or someone caves and says ok, have a treat!  He isn't fat, it's just the idea of attempting to force anyone to cave in to his will. I flatly reject that premise and will resist that every .... single...time.  He doesn't like church as a whole anyway, he only likes the play time and the treat at the end, which I stopped letting him eat for when we go to eat lunch, he will just sit there and stare at everyone.  He won't eat.  

Since I am dieting, I will probably not go to Applebee's on Sunday after church, I will probably take the 2 older boys - the oldest is still visiting and assuming the youngest isn't going - to McDonald's, they can eat what they like and I will stick to my diet by eating at home.  Or, I can go someplace that serves wings, I can have maybe 4 or 5 of those on this diet and not ruin my ketosis status.  I won't tell them they are going to McDonald's, that will sway the youngest view on going to church. He needs to go to church because he wants to go to church, not because he gets some sort of prize at the end.  That's my view of it and I'm sticking with it.  

Anyway, it's getting close to departure time. I have decided to arrive around 11:30 and see what happens.  That would get me home around 3:30 pm. An hour offload plus scale in and out and driving time.  That's just a guess, even if the driver is long gone there are other factors that can make it take longer.  

G'day 

 Thursday - semi early

Another early load.  The first load driver showed up....5 minutes before I did.  When I got to the scales in Gurdon and went up to the window, the scalemaster said: "I have some bad news for you".  Oh, what is it? That other driver just left here 5 minutes ago.  Mind you, I was almost 2 hours beyond his appointment time.  I didn't get angry but I was definitely irritated. These people demand to get the first load times and then they squander it by showing up late? 2 days in a row. This dude showed up late to the washout the day before, I learned from the employees there. 

So, he lied to me at the plant in Lufkin.  He said he had been there "on time".  Whatever dude, if you don't want to show up on time or even early (as I always do), why do you so adamantly want this loading time?  I immediately contacted the manager.  I don't care what anyone thinks, this is bs and I'm calling these drivers out on it.  In the trucking industry, appointment times are sacred.  I know this from many, many years of trucking and having been turned away from being offloaded, through no fault of my own (usually dispatch putting on unrealistic appointment times because that's what the shipper or receiver wants) and put off sometimes for many, many hours.

"We'll get to you when we can".  Gulf Relay did that to me on every single load.  That dispatcher would dispatch me for the next load before I even had the current load off the truck. So, if there was a disruption in getting the truck unloaded when he "thought" it should done, then that set off the entire process.  I didn't last there long, I quit after a month and a half for a myriad of reasons, that being one of them.  That place sucked, quite frankly.  I wouldn't recommend anyone to work there, especially if you don't live there locally where their yards are at near Jackson, Mississippi. 

Anyway, if this stuff continues, I'm just going to tell the manager he can start giving me the first run all the time.  He probably won't like that or even agree to it, but that's where I'm at.  Get your s*** done on time or get the Freudian Slip out of my way (putting it nicely here, folks).  Where did these drivers (there is more than one of them that does this) get it into their heads that they can just show up whenever they please?  I put up with enough from this company, this situation is intolerable. 

So I have the late load again today, that's 2 in a row.  I best be getting at least 2 runs in a row that are first loads after this. Well, I do have first load on Monday next week.  Today and tomorrow is the last run of this week, I have the weekend off as agreed to when I ended up in Arkansas in front of the manager and discussing schedules.  He made it clear that drivers get a weekend off and a weekend on.  I force them to stick to that unless they have some sort of emergency going on.

There may be a 2 month emergency going on here pretty soon.  The driver trainer is starting his chemo therapy for his prostate and says they are giving him mild doses of it every day for 2 months straight. He has no idea how that will affect him (I suggested yesterday he Google it, I'm sure someone, somewhere has printed their story of their time going through it and how it physically and mentally affected them).  I may Google it myself out of curiosity.  He's a good guy, tho he's also one of those that shows up late every single time unless it's the second load.   

As far as I've ever seen it, anyone getting any kind of chemo treatment is basically getting an extended lease on life.  I'm not trying to sound cold about it, it's just the way I've seen it play out on many occasions. You get 10 extra years or so. That's just anecdotal.  I know chemo makes people feel like hell while they're going through it, which made me wonder about his plan to keep driving.  I'd be looking for ways to avoid work altogether.  This company at least has short and long term disability insurance you can (and I have) buy that is very inexpensive.  I've had that at every job for decades now, I thankfully haven't had to use it.  It only pays 50% of your income, but that's better than nothing.  He's in a rock and a hard place, tho, they just bought a second house and she, the wife, just lost her job.  The pressure is on him, yes, but life is "interfering" with that and sometimes, life takes precedence regardless of your particular situation.

I dunno, but the weekend looms and I'm looking forward to it. I have nothing in particular planned, that's the point. Nothingness.  I can deal with nothingness and doing whatever I please much better than constant this and that all day, every day.  Even a small RV park presents it's challenges and people will complain about something, tho those that have been around me for a bit know I won't tolerate bs. If it's legitimate, I'll deal with it but if it's petty or nothing at all?  Best approach me in the right way about it because if it's a harsh, demanding type of stance? I can dish it back and I have.  No one is going to get rude with me that is totally uncalled for.  Even if there is a situation where I might have been slacking or something, that still shouldn't trigger rudeness. Maybe if you've asked several times with no results...sort of like my dealings with satellite tv companies over the last couple plus decades.  

Oh, I'm thinking about getting rid of it. At least in this house.  It's a lot of money and I've started watching other stuff.  Hulu is one of the biggest ones I've been watching for different content I can't find on satellite tv.  I get so tired of them giving you a price and then, after a few months, they start jacking it up again. Then you have to call them and ask, why did you do that? They always have their excuses sitting in front of them on a computer screen and then I always ask them to put it back to what we agreed to. It goes back and forth and it gets old.  It's endless. 

Or the dumpster. They keep raising the price on that and I keep calling them, what the fractional felony is going on here?  Why are you continuously jacking up the price?  I've called around, there is no one else that does it. There is a company that does regular residential cans on my street, but for whatever reason, they don't and they won't do dumpster service.   There is a host of businesses that have agreed to switch over if someone would offer a cheaper service. Republic Services is way over-priced. Everyone else is at least a third lower in monthly rates than them.

I don't know how I got myself going like this this morning, time to chill out and enjoy a hot cup of coffee.  

And then there is this workamper.  I told him what I wanted done 2 days ago, but did he do it? No. He gave the excuse that "everything is too wet".  It rained for 4 minutes the previous day.  I didn't reply to him, this was on texting.  I had half a mind to just get out there and do it myself and he can then try to prove to me that it is too wet outside to mow grass.  No, it is not.  He may not want to do it, that's a different story entirely. I think this weekend I'm going to write out a list of things I want done and send it to him.  He's really not all there, tho.  There's something in his head where the elevator is definitely not making it to the top floor. Or even several floors below it.  You sit there and say something to him and it's a Biden look he gives back to you. Like, am I even existent? 

If he doesn't have it done by the time I get back today, I am doing it myself and then we're going to have to have a discussion as to whether I even need his services....

As for Keto...slow weight loss. A pound here, a pound there. Nothing significant but at least the scale is going down, not up.  It's day 11 and I've eaten zero sugary stuff, no pasta, no potatoes, etc.  I've followed it diligently.  I am in ketosis, I check that daily.  I don't really need to check it now, I just do for the motivational aspect.  I'll stick with it for the month and see the overall results.  I want 10 pounds off as in previous rounds of doing this diet or....nothing. I don't think most diets give 10 pounds per month results, or do they?  

I haven't even been thinking about a tractor for the most part the last several days.  I need one but I don't need high payments.  I have looked at various loans.  Heloc is 10.99% now that I've done more searching, that's the lowest rate I've seen, which in my view is extremely high when you're talking 15 or 30 year repayment plan.  I don't even know if I would qualify for that.  Creditkarma is showing me guaranteed personal loans the cheapest being it 16.99% if I recall correctly. Maybe one of them was in the 13% range.  The only versions of those loans that look good are the short repayment plans, the amount paid in interest is obviously going to be much lower than a 5 or longer year repayment plan. The payments, however, are pretty high.  

I'd actually just like to pay off the credit card debt and a personal loan that I have and replace it with one, lower, monthly payment.  

I'm mixed between getting something going now or waiting until interest rates finally start coming down.  The question is: how long will that take? 

Oh, well I sent off an email to a local dealer selling LS tractors.  This is equipment made in South Korea.  I've seen ads for dealers giving some pretty low monthly payments, which includes a backhoe.  Those dealers are not anywhere near me so I decided to find out what someone local might want, if it's in the same ball park.  This dealer is about 50 miles away.  If you're talking less than $300 per month and it includes a decent warranty, then yes, I would be interested.  

I got in on the low interest for that cash-out refi before interest rates skyrocketed for actions of the fed.  Now? I see younger generations blaming baby-boomers for holding on to their houses and not selling them, creating an "artificially" high price atmosphere where there isn't much housing inventory on the market, which is consequentially driving up prices.  Excuse me, but those low rates were available to anyone that had decent credit and either a decent down payment or if you already had something worth more than you owe as collateral.  I think it's the down payment department they can't get a hold of.  

I can understand that but you can't blame baby boomers. I wouldn't refinance my house right now, what would I get out of it? Nothing but a much higher monthly payment.  I mean, I guess I could refi-cashout, it would be a stupid move with ridiculously high interest rates.  People are looking to blame someone, somewhere, for everything that happens. Much like this TDS - Trump Derangement Syndrome - where 4 years later, Trump is still being blamed for rainy days and hot weather.  I think it will be a dark day for America if Biden wins a second term. 

He won't survive 4 more years, that is fairly obvious, so we will have a Harris presidency.  Biden is all about clean energy without having any plan in place to replace all of the generation plants that are being shut down all over the place.  He has created a war against natural gas - everything, including appliances sitting in your pantry or your kitchen or the heater closet.  He has created an open border where illegals know if they come here, they are going to be given cash, food, clothing, medical care and transportation to wherever in the US they want to go without any real possibility of them ever having to leave.  

We have a "cold civil war" going. That's what I would call it. There are distinct lines drawn and there are 2 sides.  Yes, I see it is one being evil and the other at least having some morals if not God involved with their view of things.  You see them accusing 2 SCOTUS justices of being compromised and needing removed from the bench.  You have a 2-tiered justice system that goes after Republicans but does nothing to democrats (for the most part unless they want something to "show"  that they aren't the way that they actually are) for doing the exact same things.  You have wokeness, DEI, transgenderism which is being completely shoved down our throats, thought police, word police, it's all evil.  Biden, who was going to "heal this nation", has done more to divide this nation than anyone can currently be blamed.  Couple that with that mouthpiece Pelosi.  A staunch Catholic who believes in "women's rights", read: abortion on demand.  Constantly denigration Trump, Trump supporters and the Republican party as a whole, I don't see any type of religion coming out of her mouth, at all.]

Have you heard that the term "cockpit" is now offensive?  I can tell ya, I won't be adhering to their nonsense.  If I am talking about the flight deck of a commercial airliner, it's also known as the cockpit and I don't have a problem calling it that, at all.  The pilot union denouncing the term is calling it "masculine generalizations". Have you noticed? They want men to become effeminate.  Manliness is a no-no in these deranged people's minds.  God made us man and woman.  Two distinct (and the only) genders with different roles.  

Let me get off of that train of thought.  I am just looking forward to the day when I can just work at my RV park or whatever it turns into and not have to do anything else. Still, I have resolved myself that realistically, Lord willing and I'm still alive, I will have to work until I am 65 so I can get Medicare and not have to pay a grand per month on health care coverage.  

I am seriously considering dividing the property into 2 pieces. The 7 acres up front and the rest of it out back.  Have a permanent easement down the main driveway giving me access and then, if something happens and I lose the park, I don't lose the 15 acres out back.  I would have to put the lease on the 15 acres as well, guaranteeing me access.  I don't know the legalities of it, but that's what I would really like to do. It's probably a pricey proposition, tho, hiring a lawyer to do all of that.  When I say "lose the park" I'm referring to sue-happy people that will find a way to take you to court and try to take everything you own.  I have the signage up that is required by the state for the law they enacted last year.  It states that there is limited liability for RV park owners against people who are engaging in normal activities in an RV park and these sue-happy people with get-rich quick and easy schemes. I have no idea how this new law will play out in the courts, sooner or later, if not already, some park owner is going to use it go get out of some lawsuit a person brings for them tripping over their own feet in the park and blaming the park for it.

Well, the time to leave here is fast-approaching.  Another day in a truck.  Late load, wondering if this dude is going to actually show up on time and get his stuff done.  If he is late again today, I'm going to "suggest" that I get early loads from now on.  At least up against the 2 other dedicated-run drivers.  If an OTR person shows up late, that is more acceptable.  Stuff happens. Getting up out of bed late and taking your sweet time is not a valid excuse.  The thing is, when he shows up to the Lufkin plant late? The plant just says screw it and they start loading their own trucks.  They want you there at 10:00 am or before, not after.  They have a day's worth of loading to do and they aren't going to wait around for you if you aren't going to be there on time.  

That will be my argument if this scenario doesn't change.  If it does change, I'll just eat these late loads and oh well.  I can't expect early load every time, it's just not reasonable with everyone else wanting them.

With that, I bid you a good day. 

 Tuesday - late afternoon

So I think I have this workamper straightened out.  I don't need him if he can do the work I have for him to do.  Do not mow around any vehicles. I don't care if it's only half mowed yard.  Just stay away from vehicles.  I repeated that 5 times and then asked him if he understood.  I don't want to treat him like he's a dolt, but please.  He actually did install the new parts for the riding mower today, another plus.  I need to put the deck back under the thing but at least the work is done. I removed the deck, he doesn't know how to put it back in and I don't really want him to do that anyway.  

He's been mowing everything I was mowing with the riding mower by hand.  So, it has all looked nice regardless, but maybe I can get more done out of him with the riding mower.  Maybe not, we'll see.  

The loading took much longer today than it needed to. The other driver was just backing into the hole when I pulled in there. Yes, he showed up on time, they admitted they hung him up.  It's another one of those ridiculous "we're preloading a trailer first" and it's in that spot that partially blocks us from getting in. We can still get in if the driver is good at backing, but it doesn't matter, there is only one loader that will do that.  So I waited for him to load and thankfully, the good loader dude showed up and got mine loaded quickly.  It's still almost 4:30 pm.

Tomorrow is more of the same, but we unload ourselves. The other driver was complaining that it took him 2 hours to offload.  I said yes, some of the product lately has been super cold and it always takes longer to offload.  The product thickens and it comes out of there slower. It's summer, it's hot, I understand why they are chilling it that cool, but we end up paying for it in terms of time.

I think I'll show up in Gurdon around 11:30 am tomorrow and hope the other driver is either done or getting close. I mean, it is what it is, if I have to wait I have to wait.  

I'm still planning on seeing my mom, btw, she's still up in the mountains. I'm assuming she'll stay up there as long as my oldest brother will stay up there. He loves it up there in his cabin, they planned this so I dunno when she's coming back. Probably not a minute sooner than she has to come back, I can say that.  I dunno how that's going to work out what with going to Galveston beach, but we're only staying there a couple of days.  Leave Saturday, come back Sunday. I'm taking the Monday off as well.  I find that vacations are usually energy intensive and by the time you are done, you are more worn out than if you had gone to work.  

I dunno about anything else.  I'm going to try to get the workamper to start clearing out the back land.  He doesn't have to do it overnight and he did offer to start working on it once the riding mower is finished.  I wouldn't mind renting a bobcat from somewhere and spending a day plowing sweetgum trees under and trying to clean it up. My problem is I don't typically get weekdays off.  Last week was a plus because the load was cancelled and I did, indeed, take advantage of it.  I'd like to get that all cleared out again and keep it cleared out until I can get things rolling.  I kind of have to decide whether I want to try to put some tiny houses back there because they need 100 amp service.  RV's only use 30 or 50 amp service and set up accordingly. 

 Tuesday - semi early

I didn't plan on waking up this early today, it just happened, I went to bed early enough last night that I ended up with over 7 hours of sleep anyway, so I just decided to get up and get moving.

I have a late load today, not the day off.  Manager called me yesterday asking what I "want to do" for work coming up, in other words, do I want to work the weekend? without actually asking it. He went immediately on to hinting about the load tomorrow (now today) and I said yes, it's in the tablet I know about it and plan on doing it.  Oh, ok, apparent relief in his voice.  I don't communicate with them about loads I'm doing because they don't communicate much of anything with me.

If they have a question, they are free to text or call.  They do - infrequently.  Mostly, one of the loads I have turned in on the useless tablet will not go through, even tho it says it went through, and they want me to "send it", as if I never had sent it.  No ma'am, I sent that a week ago.  Well, it didn't go through.  Ok.......

That is typical "communication".  I don't envy working in a trucking office, companies put those people under a lot of unwarranted stress.  It's constant this and that.  If it isn't something to do with paperwork, it's a broken down truck. An angry/upset customer (load didn't arrive on time or at all).  A driver calls in sick.  A situation arises where they need another truck and driver but there isn't one readily available, jumping through several hoops to try and arrange it.  It's not a job I would do, just not worth the constant aggravation.

However, those people sometimes get so stressed that they lash out at everyone.  

A newer tenant calls  yesterday, goes straight off on me.  "What's with the grass between the trailers?" apparently trying to intimidate me with a deep, gruff voice.  I had to control my mouth right off the bat, I don't take kindly to people with disrespectful tones right off the bat.  It ended up with "I'll get to it when I get to it".  He had me on speakerphone, I suspect there were tenants standing around egging it all on.  

We can have a face to face about it.  Because every last one of them can leave, I won't tolerate it.  I'll find more people to take their place. Might take a while, but it will happen.  I also told him he can mow his own grass if he so desires.  I was giving it back to him in a "respectful" manner.  I can find fault with every single person in there concerning their living habits in my park.  I don't do it because it is unproductive.  I don't go lording myself over people to do this and that unless it's a direct violation of rules that are intended to keep the place nice and safe.  

But....if someone is going to get in my face, it's going to get ugly.  

Let's move on from that.  People take ridiculous liberties with other people's boundaries and think nothing of it - until the table gets turned and you give them a dose of their own medicine.  I try not to go there for I don't really think it's Christ-like.  I've got my faults, I've been working on how I react to how other people treat me in very negative and frankly, abusive manners for some time now.  There is a line, however and once someone crosses it, I just let loose.  I was a welcome mat for many, many years, thinking that's how Christianity is supposed to be until it got to the point that I was being treated as if I were some kind of piece of machinery to be turned on and off at will.

What else.  Well, we're going to Galveston beach next month for a couple days of fun.  It's their annual vacation where the whole group goes off together to relax and play.  An AirBNB house is being rented to accommodate all 19 people.  Yes, you read that right: 19 people.  It's the group of ladies that met at a pre-school several years ago and started hanging out. It evolved into card nights, going out to eat nights, going to local event days, etc.  I didn't go last year for it was a "family only" thing as it was described to me, I just shrugged it off.  We went back a few weeks later as a single family thing.  

The only people that are "integral" to that group are the ladies, everyone else is expendable, lol.  I'm not dissing them, it's their group, I'm just along for the ride.  I don't mind a couple days on the beach tho, I love the ocean.  I don't like that beach as much as other beaches for the water is very warm and the life guards don't want you going out more than 200 feet.  "We can write you a ticket", a 16 year old lifeguard was telling me last time. There were no signs or any indication that there was some sort of limitation on distance. I was probably 600 feet out when I saw 2 of them frantically waving their arms. 

I wondered what they were doing, lol.  Couldn't hear them, didn't care.  I don't know what's going on when you're that far out. Sharks?  Nah, if there were sharks anywhere near the beach they would just shut the beach down.  Rip tides? Maybe, but the water isn't very deep.  Of course, it doesn't take deep water for a rip tide to carry you out to sea.  People don't understand how to get out of them, hence they end up - dead many times.  You don't try to fight it going straight back into the beach, you swim across it until you're out of it.  They show pics with overlaying red zone where a rip tide is and it really isn't that big, usually.  A few hundred feet across at most, maybe?  

Oh, the property. There was some discussion about using the back 15 acres to build a house.  I think it got a bit ..uncomfortable.  Not for me, I don't care either way. It would be nice to have one back there, not the end of my world if it never happens.  I'm not giving the property away, so that's sort of the point of discomfort. I wouldn't say contention so much, just, hmm, how is this going to work out?  There are other properties around and probably would work out better if they got their own.  It's just that property is expensive now and mine is in the school district they want to stay in, replete with buses going up and down the street.  

It's also right outside of town.  I mean, if someone took you to my property with a blindfold on and you had never been there and then took you down the driveway and to the rear of the property? You would have no idea that there is a city less than 2 miles away.  Well, even if you were exposed to the RV park. Oh, there is an RV park here. Walk you out to the road. You wouldn't see a city scape, you'd see a country set  up with cattle ranches and other things that delineate that it is out in the middle of nowhere.  

That's the appeal of it, at least for me.  That and the lack of noise.  I'm not pushing the idea. They are going to wait until next year to start the hunt for land.  The longer they wait, however, the higher the price of land will go.  I know from experience that once land prices get jacked up, they never come back down. That's what happened in AZ in the mountain properties where you are spending more than the cost of a house just to buy undeveloped land.  It's so high that it is out of reach for most people, you have to be semi-rich to buy the land and then build a cabin on it.  All the good properties are gone and have been gone for many years now.  

I get the idea tho: get out of the city, live out in the country, preferably in a wooded area.  I gave my suggestions. Any property you want to buy, make sure you walk the entire property first.  I found so many great properties, until I got Addler out and we started hiking and found the land under water, usually constantly under water. Useless property.  Then you have to think about water, septic and electricity.  If there is a water line nearby, sure, but even 100 feet away will cost you many thousands of dollars to have it extended.  And internet.  If there's no internet out there you are going to hate living there.  People are reliant on it now, it's just a fact of life. 

Keto. I lost 10 pounds, then up to 7, now to 8 gone.  I don't really think I've lost any fat, but then again, it's only been 9 days.  I'm sticking with it, cut out sugar and carbs almost altogether. Well, definitely no sugar regardless of the fact that there is all kinds of it laying around in various forms around the house.  Just cutting out sugar will likely make a person lose weight in and of itself.  

Tractor.  Just not in a rush to get into the wrong deal.  It's interest rates that I'm balking at.  Everything I've looked at is high.  Even a HELOC at 11.99%? For 30 years?  Are interest rates ever going to come back down? I'm sure they will - eventually.  You look at a loan and it shows how much you are borrowing and how much you will have to pay back. On Creditkarma, it breaks it down.  So, you borrow 31k and and end up paying 24k in interest plus the loan amount?  That's crazy.  

I wanted the park expanded in time for this Interstate construction project.  I just can't see getting into a loan that has that high of an interest rate.  Maybe if it's a short term loan and a smaller amount.  

Who knows.  I do know that this has gone on long enough.

G'day

 Monday - early

I have a few minutes to burn. 

A HELOC would cost me 11.99% for a 30 year term.  Which I consider to be extremely high interest rate for 30 years.  But then again, my credit isn't great and interest rates are high.

The consideration here would be to take out the maximum amount I can get, pay off all credit card debt, use what's left for a tractor and anything else that's left over for expansion purposes.  I actually think it would be lovely to have a tiny home community on the other portion of the land and ditch the RV park stuff.  Rentals are much more popular here.  I fight with keeping the place full and tho it doesn't bother me, I doubt it would be that much of a battle with units to rent. 

The down side of course is the expense.  BTW, that payment on the HELOC would be extremely high - but - if I pay off all credit card debt, that's the payment right there.  It wouldn't add anything to what I am currently paying out on a monthly basis. But, it would be a 30 year term. 

Two good things to come out of this if I could get that loan?  My credit score would soar into the heavens.  I have no late pays on anything at all.  It's just too much usage that's killing my score.  Second, would hopefully be the further expansion of the park regardless of what form that may take. 

With increased credit score by say, 100 points, we're talking access to better interest rates for whatever. I will add here, however, that every tractor dealer I have contacted is giving out zero interest loans.  They are just jacking up the prices of the machinery.  And yes, I have qualified at 2 of them for that rate, I just didn't like the monthly payment so I backed off of it. 

My  park is slowly getting filled with much longer-term tenants. Like, people that want to live there indefinitely.  I get one here and there, the rest are people that have aspirations of getting their own home, buying their own land, etc.  These retired folks, however, like it there.  Again, every new person that comes in there gives me this look and says: It's so quiet here at night!  They love it.  It's a major selling point. During the day, if you tune into it, you can hear the faint noise of I-20 in the background. At night, that noise almost completely disappears as traffic dies down to a minimum and more importantly, less trucks out there using engine brakes making all kinds of noise. 

I never realized how much noise engine brakes make and the disruption it can make on a community until I stood there, in the park, one day and just listened to it for a while.  It's the people that put straight pipes on their rigs, those are the main offenders.  There are no mufflers on those exhaust systems, they make an incredible amount of racket of which they designed it that way to make as much noise as possible. These people think it's funny to make all that noise and it's why you'll see signs when driving into cities/towns that say engine brakes prohibited. Mostly, these people do this stuff at night when people are trying to sleep and let them things rip.  

Anyway, I have plenty of thinking to do and at some point, decisions to make.  I've kind of talked myself out of a new tractor - not completely  but I just think a used machine would be a better idea that cuts the price more than in half.  

I also must get moving now that I'm looking at a clock. 5 minutes until departure time and I still have another cup of coffee to make, heat up a little more and dump into the thermos. 

G'day

 Sunday - early

Guess I haven't posted since Thursday .... it's just one thing after another in this lifestyle of 1 job that would be considered full time by most people (it's anywhere from 42 to 56 hours per week, sometimes more, definitely not anything less than that), running an RV park and just home life and other things that life has to offer.

The boys came home on Friday late afternoon, were home a couple of hours and then I took them to the church "Friday Fun Night", 2-1/2 hours of fun for kids worshipping the Lord first, then a pizza dinner then playing outside on the bounce houses and all the stuff they had for kids to do out there.  They told me it was over at 8, so I went there and then they said, no, it's over at 8:30.  Oh.  Church is only a couple of miles from the park, so I left to go collect money. Got into a discussion with people over some things going on at the park, collected rents and past dues (I have a few "needy" people, but they pay up at some point) and got back a few minutes late to get them.

It's Sunday and unfortunately I have to work today (versus going to church and just sleeping in).  The good news, at least for me, is that I slept very well last night.  I put that sleep tracker on most every night, sometimes I forget but I did not forget last night. The crowd was over playing cards, they all showed up late.  They asked if I was going to play but by the time they were starting, it was only 40 minutes til bedtime.  Going to bed, I thought, hmmm, wonder how this is going to work out with a house full of people?

Turned the fan setting on high on the AC unit, put in my ear plugs and can honestly say I haven't slept that well in a long time.  Even the sleep tracker had it in green (which is good) and had words of encouragement how wonderful it was!  It usually says "let's get you some better sleep" but nothing it suggests works, I've tried all that stuff years ago. I feel pretty good this morning even if I'm facing doing a chore I pretty much dislike: driving trucks. Especially on Sundays.  The washout is closed, you have to call them to come out. I call 20 minutes in advance and they still don't show up for another 20 minutes after that.

Then to the plant and it's a roll of the dice. There definitely aren't going to be many people working and if they already have a truck being loaded and it's one of the loaders that will only do one truck at a time? You're screwed, you'll have to wait.

So, last night (yes I'm wandering all over the place with this post) we went to see IF.  It stands for Imaginary Friends.  The 9 year old has been wanting to see it for quite a while now, they went off to grandma's and were there close to 3 weeks.  Coming back, the 9 year old brought it up again.  Pleeeeeaaaassssseeee.  I said I would after work "tomorrow", we had been discussing it on Friday to go see it on Saturday "If your parents don't have anything planned for you".  

The 7 year old tried to force me ahead of leaving to buy him candy or he wasn't going to go.  Sorry, 7 year olds are not going to dictate to me how it's going to go, so I flatly refused. You can have popcorn and a drink, the same as always.  He just asked his mom if he could stay home and I was good with that. Stay home, I don't really care. The other 2 went - it was their idea to begin with - and were quite happy that he wasn't going, actually.  

The movie is a real tear jerker, amazingly enough.  It's about a 12 year old girl who has "grown up" and "I'm not a kid anymore" she states several times over at the beginning of the movie, chiding her father who she had come to town for to be with him for an operation he needs done. One will guess that the parents are divorced, I never heard that part.  Then, the girl sees this cartoonish type character (this wasn't animated, thankfully) running where her dad lives in a sort of apartment style, old building.  Long story shorter, these characters are forgotten imaginary friends that they were assigned to when those people were kids, but grew up and forgot about the IF's.  She can can see them, but the only other people that can see if the IF's are the people that the IF's were assigned to.

Anyway, she tries to reassign them to other people, but it doesn't work, they can't see them.  Then, she figures out to put them IF's back with their former people.  And so, there are certain moments near the end where even the boys were teared up, wiping them off of their eyes.  I was surprised that kids that age would be crying at a movie.  The 12 year old gets a bunch of these IF's back with their original people, the people can see them and they have "magical moments" I guess you could call it of a reunion. I'm more into action/thrillers and yes even some horror movies, but this one was pretty good considering it's really a kids movie.  

Well, the tractor.  I've have been running the gamut in my brain trying to decide if I even need  a tractor, which I really do, but do I really need all of the implements that I want for it? The answer is yes, but do I have to have all of them right off the bat? The answer is not necessarily, I can still rent a mini-ex if I have to.  Do I have to have a brand new tractor? That answer has always been no, I'm perfectly fine with an older machine as long as everything works and it runs well.  So, trying to figure out if I can find some kind of financing for it without the payments breaking the bank.  

I found a personal loan at 13.99%, which I consider high, but it's better than other stuff at 27% and going higher.  We're talking credit card territory with interest rates that high. 

Blah. It's time to leave.  Get back to this later...

G'day

 I'm done. No, make that well done. Toasted, fried, over-cooked, had enough and quit after about 7-1/2 hours of tractor use.  They allow you 8.  Whatever, I just had had enough.

Up and down the driveway endless times, and this time a new strategy: take some of the gravel at the far end of the driveway that is never driven over and is thick and put it in the pothole areas up front.  I don't know how many times I went back there and box-bladed gravel into a pile and then scooped it up with the bucket.  Many, many times, I can say that.   

Near the end, I decided I'd give the walking trails a once over.  That was a mistake, sort of.  Going down the west side and cleaning that out was relatively easy and the dude that likes to ride his bike through there had cleared out the felled trees.

It's the east side where I got into trouble.  First was the creek where you just enter the trail head.  Have to go over it, I almost got stuck. Actually, I did get stuck momentarily.  It's like a giant V and down at the bottom is mud.  But, rocking the tractor back and forth it came out.  Then I came up on the giant tree.  It had finally fallen off of the trunk that is still in the ground where it busted off. Pushed that out of the way rather easily. Then around and back to the creek where I would have to cross again.  

I got to the creek and thought, this doesn't look good. I thought about going back, but that wasn't great either. So I plowed into it and yes, got the thing stuck.  My mind started racing, how am I going to get this thing out of here?  Well, looking at it, it appeared that just digging out one tire would do it. Off to the shed to get the shovel, put on boots and come back. 

Dug it out, got on the machine, moved a little but nothing.  I had completely forgotten about the trick you use to get a machine like that unstuck, but it came back to me after also thinking about having to get some kind of equipment down there to pull the thing out.  You simply use the bucket to lift the whole front end of the machine up.  I could have kicked myself for not thinking of that in the first place.  

So, I pushed the bucket down, the whole front end lifted and then I curled the back back towards the machine, which pulled it forward.  One more time of that and the thing busted free.  That was a sigh of relief.  But I was toast after that. It's in the 90's today and tho not terribly hot, or at least I didn't think so, it was hot enough to drain me.  

I took the machine back to the trailer, drove it up on there, drove to the fuel station to refill it (they charge you $80 if you don't top it off when you bring it back, high motivation to fill it up considering for all the time I used it, it didn't even use 5 gallons of diesel fuel) and back to the shop.  They had let me take the thing without paying for it first, which is unheard for that place. But, it's because they wanted to charge me 3% to use a debit card and I said, dang, that's like $11 just to pay for it. Well, do you want to go to the bank and get cash? Thought about that and said no, I'll just pay for it with the card. The manager walked in and said, meh, you've been in here so many times, you can just bring cash back with you tomorrow.

Wow, that was amazing.  They're pretty hard-nosed about their rules there. I can understand why I just never thought there was any wiggle room with them.  Well, it was just over $300.  The $400 the charge you up front is the $80 fee if you don't fill it up, they give it back to you when you return the machine.  

I can swallow $300 a little easier than $400 plus per use.  

Well, I got those trails cleaned up, btw, it is passable now whereas before there was a very narrow trail where the dude had been riding his cycle.  I was happy to get that done and it only took maybe an hour.  

I'm just plain tired now and I have no plans for the rest of the day.  The driveway was continually on my mind, just couldn't shake it.  It was in truly horrible condition and tho this tractor can't make it perfect, it's 100% better than what it was. I've fairly well blown off the idea of buying a tractor, at least for now.  I want to clean up the land on both side of the RV park, that's going to take a different piece of machinery and it's going to have to come from somewhere else for that place doesn't allow you to use their machinery in brush like that. 

Okay, I'm just wishy-washy on this tractor purchase idea.  Just don't want to get into $500 plus per month payments right now.  

Whatever, I'm hungry, had a piece of toast with a little cream cheese on it for breakfast. All keto friendly and yes, I'm back into ketosis. Just need a bit more food than that to tide me over until dinner.  

 Thursday

Well for a day off, it's awfully early

No choice in the matter, to get my money's worth out of that machine, I had to get up early to make sure I get the full 8 hours out of it.  There is a rather large area where I'm going to have to find gravel somewhere else, scrape it up and fill in that area.  Although a lot of it is because of the constant water that runs over the driveway when it rains, some of it is people and doing things in vehicles. 

Final day of kid free house.  It's been quite a while since any of them have shadowed the door frames of our bedroom doors and no one - well besides the kids - is complaining.  It's nice to get a break from that, it is constant this, that and the other thing having children around of that age.  Tomorrow, I'll go to work, get home around 1:00-2:00ish and then they will be arriving shortly after that.  

I could get used to not having to get into a truck, 2 days off was nice, especially during the week.  

I am at a dead end with this tractor business.  I don't really want to get into that much debt what with the debt I already have.  It's a conundrum.  The machines this local rental company has to offer, they don't allow you to get out in the brush to start clearing out land.  They are adamant about it to the point of getting very sour with you if you even bring the subject up.  I would guess that some people have abused the machinery.  But that's what that type of machinery is built for.....

To get anything over there  that would do the job, I would have to have a machine delivered and pay a lot more money for it.  

The fat burning diet is already at a stall?  I don't know, lol, the strip didn't show much of anything this morning whereas it was showing slight purple yesterday.  I ate maybe 15 carbs yesterday.   I'm also watching calorie consumption and only had 2 meals. 1 was a single sandwich with a salad the other was chicken with some seasoning (completely carb free) and a salad with some fixing that ramped up the carb count - by maybe 3 or 4 carbs.  IN fact, I didn't even eat 15 carbs worth, more like 10.  Well below the maximum of 20. 

No matter, I suppose, the body will shed weight on a caloric deficit regardless.  

Well it's time to get out of here and get this show on the road. This time, I'm using ear plugs. That machine scraping along that driveway?  Pretty high on the decibel range. 

G'day

 I just couldn't do it, at least not yet.  

I went to the Kubota dealer after going to the TYM place.  I never even got started with TYM. I walked in there, a man walked in after me, they went immediately to dealing with him and completely ignored me. Hi, how are you doing!  To that other guy that is.  I just stood there thinking, well, I can wait even tho this guy just cut right in front of me.  I'm trying to do better in life beyond just going off on everyone. The temptation was there, instead, I just stood there looking at all of these employees in this place, there were a lot of them, wooing this customer and then going back to whatever they had been doing.  

I took all of that in for a minute, just standing there, the man behind the counter glanced at me, 2 other employees did the same but I didn't even get a hello, or how may we help you?  I said nothing the entire time in there, at this point, it was a test to see how I might be treated in the future and yes, I did have a smile on my face, possibly forced but I wasn't frowning.  I decided that this isn't the way I want to be treated, turned around and walked out without speaking a single word to any of these people.  

I then drove to the tire shop where I got the new tires, horrible vibration from both the front and rear, I assumed they didn't balance them very well, that or defective tires.  They balanced them again and then I headed off to Longview.  No more vibration, so that was good.  Had a sit down with the Kubota salesman, pleasant conversation but the end of the story?  38k at $539 per month, 96 months (8 years).  That's a good long time to be forking out that kind of money for a machine you hope but certainly don't know will last that long.  Interest free, too, I shudder to think what the payments would be with interest. 

No, I got up and left there as well, tho not in bad terms, I told the man I would have to think about it and look at my finances.  I've never even spent that kind of money on a personal vehicle.  I just don't know that I want to get into payments that high for that long.  I could bring the payments down by eliminating the backhoe attachment, but then I wouldn't be happy.  Like, I'm spending all of this money on this thing and I don't even have everything I need?

I went out into the parking lot, called the rental place, asked if their tractor was available? Yes, ok, I'm heading that way, got there, loaded it up and started work on the driveway. That driveway is in even worse condition than I thought, it really needs a dozer or a grader, neither of which I have access to and certainly, the rental place doesn't even have such equipment. 

I probably went over the worst of the areas 30--40 times but also was going up and down the entire 800 foot stretch of driveway that is used by the RV park.  I spent 2-1/2 hours on it before quitting.  I was getting hot, it was getting late and I have the thing until 2:30 tomorrow.  They allow 8 hours per 24 hour period.  I intend on getting my 8 hours out of it.  I'll just go over and over and over it until it's either smooth or I just don't have any more time.  I did get it better, but there's still a lot to go.

I ate a sandwich and a salad earlier and that tided me over until dinner.  The folks were on their way out to a local pizzeria when I got home, no thanks.  I wasn't even tempted, tbh.  I still had roasted chicken left over from yesterday, heated a bunch of that up, made a bit better salad than yesterday, chomped that down and in a while, my dessert will be keto break with cream cheese and sugar free strawberry preserves.  I need something to put the sugar desires in check.  It's the best I can do without buying expensive treats that are filled with chemicals.  There are recipes for stuff that I will look into at some point, just not now . 

Manager called me today asking if I was okay with the weekend schedule?  I thought, no, not at all, I said, well I had last weekend off so I figured I'd go with the flow and do the weekend.  

 Wednesday - late morning

I must say that I got the poorest night sleep I have had in quite a long time.  There was no rhyme or reason to it, my mind wasn't full of thoughts, I am not stressing over anything and I don't understand it. I take that back, I am sort of stressing over that horrible driveway, but it's nothing great enough to lose sleep over 

 My plans for this morning went right out the window.  It was around 6:30 am I finally got to sleep and yes, I slept until about 20 minutes ago.  It's 10:00 am.  If I would have gotten up at 6:30, I would have been miserable all day long and I wouldn't have gone anywhere or tried to get anything done.  

As it stands, I feel - ok.  Not great but certainly a great percentage better than I did earlier this morning.  I guess it's fortunate I didn't have to work today, but still. What a waste of a morning.  I was seriously going to go to Bible study early and then over to the park and then off to the tractor dealer.

The tractor dealer isn't off the table, I still want to go down there.  The salesman said he would be in today, I'm just sitting here drinking a couple of cups of coffee and wondering whether I should have a small bite to eat this morning or wait until this afternoon. I think I will have something to eat, for it seems like this might be why I get so hungry in the evenings, for the lack of food consumption during the daytime.  Late evening/night time is not a good time to eat either for sleeping purposes or losing weight.  It could be the food I ate yesterday interfered with my sleep, I dunno.  

BTW, per a friend's suggestion, it may be that at some point, the old man will not be able to sustain taking care of a house full of renters and then it might be optimal to offer him a place out here in trailer.  I lucked out when I found these people, the guy is a worker and a half. He doesn't "tolerate" a messy house, either inside or out.  He washes the concrete and sweeps every single day and doesn't allow anyone to pile up dishes.  He's also quite strict about the rent being paid on time.  He may have gotten that from me, although I have eased up a bit with RV'ers who are long term and express a need to pay a little later than their due date.  Whether he would want to move out here is another story entirely.  He's spent his life living in a big city, not everyone can make the switch from big city to country living. 

I don't know what the market is in AZ right now, whether that house would sell quickly or take a while or what. I just know that it is 10 minutes from downtown, is sitting on the side of a mountain, sort of the base but definitely well elevated above the desert floor.  The downside is it's in a run down neighborhood full of old, junky mobile homes (mine is neither old nor junky) and the traffic is ridiculous.  

Not going to speculate about that right now, I'm here, not there.  And I have my plate full, here, not there.  The time will come when I will have to deal with selling that property but that time is, as of right now, not yet.  

I see these groups with amazing looking tiny homes and think about the possibilities of having a nightly rental going on in one of them.  They are quite nice looking, the interiors have been done up with high quality and more expensive materials and it shows.  Stunning, actually.  You see, the front of the property would work well for a setup with those in there.  The only problem is they would have to still be on axles/wheels to keep the tax free status of them.  

Yes, I'm still thinking of other ventures beyond lot rentals to make some money.  It's quite apparent to me now that having an actual rental unit beyond a lot is what is really gaining traction around here.  But, those types of setups are far from free, they're starting around 50k and go up from there.  Yes, for a tiny home. 

Then there's this idea of taking that back 15 acres and building a house on it.  It is intriguing, but I don't want to lose ownership of my property.  I'm sure that would cause some concerns.  It may very well be that they just need to find another property to build for this 25 acres is mine.  I feel like God gave me another gift in acquiring that land that at the time, no one else wanted.  It doesn't have as much pine trees as I would like  it to have, but it's still beautiful.  There is a large stand of them on the west side in the rear, just would prefer the entire property to be pine trees.  The upside to the property is that it is still in the school district that they want to stay in and yes, they have a bus running down my street every morning and afternoon.  The other upside is it's definitely out in the country regardless of how close to the town (they call it a city but it's only 22,500 people, in my view that is not a city's worth of population) the property is.  The kids could run free back there, I have never seen any neighbors roaming around anywhere back there and there is only a few people that occasionally walk back there with their dogs.  

That would have to be eliminated, of course.  Considering the infrequent use, I wouldn't have a problem eliminating access to it from the RV park.  

2 more payments. Yes I said this previously, it's important.  That shed payment can be applied to a tractor payment meaning my monthly payment for a tractor won't be a significant added expense, more than half of it would already be an existing, on-going expense that will simply be switched.  I'm not looking forward to endless payments, I'm also sure that I cannot operate this business and maintain this land without having the equipment to do it with.  

It's why you see every property that has any significant amount of land on my street having tractors parked somewhere on it.  Their usefulness goes well beyond just one task.  

Diet.  Light purple. That's what the test strip showed earlier.  It means I'm on my way to ketosis, sort of in it already but not enough to do anything.  This is encouraging for once you get into ketosis, you will see the fat start dropping pretty quickly.  It's staying in ketosis that is the challenge.  Strict keto is the only way to do it and that means pretty much meat and greens.  I bought lots of greens yesterday, I don't like the idea of eating too much meat on any given day.  

To be honest, it really feels like to me that I should be changing my direction with this RV business and doing something different, something that local people are looking for.  I don't know what my financing options would be, but having a couple of tiny homes or some sort of living structures for rent seems to be the way to go, regardless of the lack of finances. 

Where there is a will, there is a way.  God knows, He has the answers that I don't, I will wait on Him to guide me.  

But for right now, it's either buy a tractor on payments or continue renting one endlessly along with the occasional mini-ex rental.  It adds up.  

The cat. They were banished to the very large pantry - it's probably 30 feet long and 8 feet wide?  - because one of them started peeing everywhere while we were gone a couple of days at 6 Flags.  A trial run to see if she  would stop? Nope, 2 puddles of pee in the living room, the house is no longer free for them.  It isn't anything new to them, they were living in there for a long time because the other cat used to do that.  Roles reversed I guess.  I just wonder what caused that cat to suddenly decide to do this?  People said the cat got upset with our leaving. We weren't gone that long.  

Anyway, it's getting awfully late in the day. I could easily just sit here and do nothing, really, I could. Drink coffee, make a sandwich, kick back and watch movies.  And that accomplishes - nothing.

G'day.

It was just too much.

The last time I fasted a few weeks ago, it was nothing like this.  Getting light-headed, extremely weak, hard to focus.  I gave up on it after getting back today, went to Kroger's, bought a bunch of stuff to cook, decided I was too out of it to cook so I also bought a precooked baked chicken along with salad fixings, came home, opened and ate. I really wanted to make it 3 days but that was just not in the cards this time around.  I'll likely fast again in 3 or 4 weeks.  This is nothing that I can do on a weekly basis, at least not yet.  

I don't think I made it into ketosis. It's not required to fast to start keto, it's just very helpful.  I probably ate maybe 8 carbs for dinner and I won't be eating again today.  Just switching gears from fasting to keto and not beating myself up for not making it 3 days, I never promised myself that anyway. I only thought, well, if I can make it 3 days, great.  

Beyond that, a gift from God, I think.  I got a text on my way home from the Park after finishing my work today: Hey Ben, your load cancelled for tomorrow.  I mean, I am not going to complain.  When I left there today, one tank was completely full and the other was one truckload away from being full.  2 trucks already loaded today I do believe, they will probably deliver tomorrow and then they'll just get a pause in deliveries. 

I made plans for tomorrow instantly by emailing the dealer in Carthage, if we settle on a deal and you have everything, how long between signing on the dotted line and actually getting all of it to my property?  He hasn't replied but I did email him after hours.  If I can get the machinery there tomorrow or the next day, all good. If not, I'm going to rent that thing over at the local rental place.  It's $310 I think they quoted and it's just a necessity. The driveway is hellish.  I'd rather get my own machine that does, indeed, have ripper teeth on it and tear it all up where the driveway is trashed.  I could also use the hoe attachment to dig down several inches and get it all loosened up and ready to use the box blade attachment.

Of course, the problem with the rental is that that machine wasn't sitting in their lot when I drove by coming back from Kroger's earlier.  

3 kids coming back on Friday, not just 2. The 3rd brother, product of another marriage, is coming for however long as well.  I was going to offer to meet up in Gurdon after the next load and they can come back in the truck.  I'm glad I didn't since the load cancelled.  It's an hour and 45 minutes from their place to Gurdon, it's almost 4 hours from where they live.  The grandma doesn't typically drive here and then turn around and drive straight back.  Some birthday party she wants to be at.  I now heard that the youngest was "raising hell" yesterday over there, they were out of his new medicine.

I'm guessing he was also wanting to come home, he probably has been wanting to come home.  Not my problem, but I don't know why anyone would want to subject themselves to that just to have those kids there. There is a point where they become cranky and irritable.  Home is a thing, I know the feeling from being out on the road so much in previous job.  

Regardless, I now have the details on this house they want to build on land wherever they want to do it.  I should have known or at least guessed what was going on, my mind just wasn't into it.  So in a year or so, they want to find property somewhere around here, build a house and a mother-in-law style separate house and we all move into it.  

I have my reservations.  It is one thing to live under my friend's roof, it would be quite another to live under grandma's roof.  Her place, her rules?  In the past, she has been rude, curt and short with me. Cutting me off in the middle of sentences and other ridiculous behavior, I got to the point I wanted no part of her.  We stopped talking for the most part.  This is all created by her jealousy of my relationship with the kids. Well yes, I live here, she does not.  I am with them all the time, she is not.  I don't down talk her to the kids, I wonder if the same is true about her towards me?

I am not saying I wouldn't do it, I did say to them that some "boundaries would have to be set in advance".  She's going to stay in her separate house all the time?  I don't think so.  This is all wanting to be with the boys and I get that, but at the same time, by the time they get this thing going, just how long will the boys be kids and living at home?  I dunno, I guess there's still time in their lives for her to be a part of it, but as soon as they turn into teenagers, we all know what happens. They become independent, don't want anything to do with the adults in the house and try to isolate themselves.  So in my view her time with such a setup is rather limited and she'd have to get busy with this real quick.

I"ll tell ya one thing, if this situation were to go down, I'd want a large bedroom like I have now and a much larger bathroom than what I have.  A sitting room, so to speak, the same as I used to do in the house in AZ.  I'd just disappear in there. Had a table, chair, fancy paintings, it was just a cool, quiet and peaceful place to hang out.  Who's going to bother you sitting in a bathroom? lol.  You make it into an awesome room and you have almost a man cave if it's large enough.  

I mean, the worst that could happen? I wouldn't be able to stand living in that situation and I'd have to move somewhere else.  But, I didn't stay out here after the 2cd marriage went afoul to then think about moving somewhere, I've lived here too long and I don't want to move out of this area.  Of course, moving into the AZ mountains would be interesting.  The thing is, I like living with people, I do not like living alone. I inherited a lot of things from my mother, we are the same in a lot of stuff, but this isn't one of them. She is very independent and lives alone and has lived along since her boyfriend died what, 15 years or more ago?  

I get bored living alone and I'd end up getting roommates just to have people to live with.  Animals can provide some amount of companionship, just not the same as human interaction.  Anyway, I like living with my friends  whether kids are here or not.  We've just gone through 15 days without them and life has been just fine.  I did happen to walk out and hear the oldest boy declaring it's "only 2 more days til we come home!".  I'm sure I'll get the whole scoop once they get back.  One will dump all over the place how he wanted to come home long before they did. I can tell by the way he was talking. The other will likely say he missed his mommy. Grandma's are great, but they don't replace mom, especially with a total mama's boy.  

Hmm, tomorrow is Wednesday.  I wonder if I can get my butt out of bed in time to get to that Wednesday morning Bible study?  I don't even know if I'd be welcome to it.  They have one at 7:00 am and another at 8:00 am.  Sure, let's try the 8 am version!  You'd be surprised, however, how much cliquish nonsense goes on in churches and "outsiders" aren't welcome. Or they tolerate you but you are obviously never going to be a part of their inner crowd.  I should go and test the waters on that. I am not looking for a negative interaction. I would go to  - study the Bible!  The pastor teaches it and I do wonder if he doesn't get into the meat of the word there versus what you hear on Sunday morning?  I'm intrigued now that I think about it.  

Really would like to expand my circle of friends here and there really isn't a better way to do it than through church groups.  Not like I'm going to go to a bar and find them there. Or go to a local restaurant and happen upon them, I wouldn't know who they were.  

Just not feeling it right now.  Getting semi-late, gonna go vegetate and go to sleep. 

 Tuesday - 8:30 am

Last couple of times I was up at the plant to deliver, their tanks were almost full and my truckload was the last they could have taken for several hours at least.  

There is no point in showing up up there directly after the other driver leaves.  I have no idea whether their tanks can accept 45,000 pounds of glue and if they can't, I could be sitting there for hours.  

I'm sitting here watching footage of Biden at some sort of concert, the blank look on his face is telling.  You wonder if he even knows where he's at or why he's there.  Basically, if you vote for Biden - if he even makes it that far - you are really voting for Harris to run the nation, for I can see no way this man is going to last 4 more years doing much of anything but sitting at home or even ending up in a assisted care facility.

I think it's sad that democrats are propping this man up like this. They're setting him up for failure.  His polling numbers are the lowest they have ever been.  Democrats have lots of people that could replace him, I'm not trying to say they want Trump at all, but how do they think he is going to win an election?  I mean, I don't want him to win, so there is that, but how can these people continue on with this man?  The only thing I can think of is they really want a Harris presidency for the first woman to occupy the position.  I feel like that would be a worse disaster than Biden, not because she is a woman but because she is completely incompetent, has no clue what she is doing, runs around cackling like a goose and if you have heard her speaking, she says a lot of words that literally have no meaning.  

Whatever the case, paying that electric bill just hurts, lol.  Suddenly, the checking account goes down almost $1,400 and the great progress! I am making sort of goes out the window.  I've got 2 lots I need to fill and I did run the Facebook ad. So far, I've gotten a lot of likes on the post but no one calling to inquire about taking a space.  There is no rhyme or reason to some of the calls I get for a space. Like, no ad is being run besides just the content on my facebook page and on Google, but they call and say they are going to be there in half an hour, lol.  

Day 2 of this fast.  I was hurting last night in terms of hunger. This morning, not so bad.  I'm checking for ketosis this time, but I feel like you have to get into day 3 to get that far with it.  There is no sign of ketosis yet and I won't be checking again until this evening.  At almost 3 days last time, I was full into ketosis but I had not checked before that point so I don't know when it fired back up.  

I have almost nothing in the cupboards to eat for whenever I do decide to start up again,  a trip to the grocery store is necessary today.  I like to keep chicken in the fridge for when I get hungry, I don't open up the fridge and say, dang, there is nothing in there to eat.  Just roasted chicken with some spices.  I alos like to have keto bread and sandwich makings available.  I am going to try and bypass the keto treats, they have a lot of chemicals in them and some of them, I found out the other day, have a chemical in it linked to cancer.  

I don't think there is any way to completely eradicate the desire for sugary things, you just try to ignore it and eat something healthy.  Oh, and plenty of greens.  Salad in the fridge is helpful as well.  Cut up some of that chicken, fry it quick in a pan and then dump it on top of a heap of salad with some ranch dressing. Delicious.  

I'm just trying to get my head back into Keto.  It's not a carnivore diet as many people say it is, even people doing the diet.  Meat should only make up 25-30 percent of your dietary intake.  You're really supposed to eat more fat, get that full feeling and keep yourself from feeling like you need to go raid the pantry for whatever is in there.  It's a tough diet, I have said that repeatedly and it's not for everyone.  If you're seriously wanting to lose fat and weight, this is the diet to do it with.  

I see these ads all the time online where this fit gym guru and one of his buddies in other ads as well denounce keto saying "it doesn't work", which is a flat, bald-faced lie.  The diet consists of eating only 1,200 calories a day, if I recall correctly from a site that reviewed the diet and said there is no scientific research to prove anything these people are selling excepting the fact that if you keep your caloric intake down for an extended period of time, you will lose weight regardless of which diet you are using. 

It was the "keto doesn't work" that turned me off to it.  Like, keep it honest folks.  I doubt that diet is any easier than Keto if you are restricting your caloric intake to that degree.  For me, the "milestone" of either losing fat or having to go up yet another pant size was enough for me.  I will lose enough fat to at least not have to worry about going out and buying an entire new set of pants.  I'm literally at the end of the belt holes, if I gain any more weight, it's off to Walmart. 

Hence, I am trying to make it through 3 days of this fasting to go ahead and get ketosis fired up, but this time, stay in ketosis.  

Oh, the other thing. I have given consideration on several occasions to selling the house and taking the funds to increase the size of the operation.  However, I would be throwing an old man to the curb that has taken care of the house for a decade since I left there and I feel like that would be too cruel.  I got my money out of that situation to fire up the rv park. Z estimate shows I could probably suck 100k out of that situation give or take, but Im going to sit on that until he either passes (he's getting up there) or ends up somewhere else. I don't really see him ending up somewhere else unless he ends up needing to be in an assisted living facility.  And frankly, if I were to sell out, I would end up giving him some of it to live off of.  There is no such thing as "affordable" housing in the Phoenix area anymore beyond the dump areas that have you living in a place with paper thin walls, drug lords and gangs running around area, filth, squalor, crime, it's just not a good place to be.  And now? I wonder if even those places are that cheap anymore.  

I feel like getting a tractor and starting on getting things worked on at the property without paying anyone to do it is "a" route to go, not necessarily "the" route to go.  The other option is to wait until interest rates come down, if they ever will.  Until the feds do something? That isn't going to change.

The time has come to depart for Gurdon and so I bid you a good day.  

 Kind of a rough day.

Fasting is never easy, at least not for me and for the fact I haven't done that much of it in recent times besides the 3 day fast I did two or so weeks ago.  But I don't see any reason not to fast - and pray for that matter - starting a diet that is pretty difficult to follow. After the last fast, it would have been easy to continue on with Keto. I didn't do that, sort of wish I did.  If you haven't been eating in many days, whatever you are going to eat? It's all like a prime rib dinner with all the fixings.  It's food and it doesn't really matter what that food is.

I could have sat around the house another couple of hours if I had known that the plant was going to keep me sitting around for 2 plus hours.  I got in there and the first driver was still there, not a good sign for he should have been loaded and gone by the time I got there.  He told me after the finally finished him he had gotten there on time for his appointment but they made him wait.

Turns out it's the new guy that was loading all by himself and he was complaining about allllll  the trucks he had to load that day.  Well of course, that's what they hired you to do. What, did you think you were going to be sitting around most of the time?

The thing that got me was after I finally got backed into the loading bay and sat there 45 more minutes waiting, he came up to me and told me I had to move, the pump is broken.  I suppose it's possible the pump is broken, but I have also seen them just move us out of the way to preload their trucks.  Well, that bay where they load those trucks half blocks the bay we back into.  I wondered what he was going to do about the "broken pump"?  Nothing.  Absolutely nothing. Another loader showed up for work not long after I pulled back out into the parking lot and approached my truck.  Well, do you think you can back around that truck? I dunno, has anyone else ever done it? Yes, a few have been able to.

Well, I would love to but the new dude said the pump is broken.  "Let me go find out".  Yes, please do, because it takes them hours to load those trucks in that bay to and in front of where we load our trucks. He came back, yea, it was just making a noise but I know what is wrong with it, it's just the filter sock needs to be changed.  Again wondering why this kid wouldn't do it, the answer was obvious.  He was going home and had made me wait 2 hours 30 minutes for - nothing.  

So, I said heck ya, I'll back this truck in there!  Sure enough, I nailed it the first time, didn't have to do a single pull up.  You have to back to the side of the parked truck getting loaded and then jackknife the truck so the trailer gets into position correctly.  He had that thing loaded in about 35 minutes.   That other truck had already been sitting there a long time and they were nowhere near done loading it when I was pulling out of there.  I was there a total of 3 hours and 15 minutes but it would have been more like 5 or more hours.  I commended the other loader, you are the best loader here! He really is, he can load 3 trucks at the same time and think nothing of it.  He kicks @$$, basically.

Coming back was also an interesting situation. On the final highway I have to drive one, it's 2 lanes with passing lanes here and there.  A pilot pickup for an oversized load came racing up to me, pulled over into the double yellow lines signaling me to move over.  Huh? I'm going 70 mph in a 70 mph zone and he wants me to pull over for him? Screw that, they can wait until we get to a passing lane. 

So we get to one, this pickup comes flying by me but the truck is back a ways.  It has a large steel structure on it sticking out at least 2 feet on either side, doesn't even fit into the lane.  Well, by the time he got maybe 150 feet behind me, the passing zone was ending, merge left. So, I put my signal on and was coming back over.  What did he do? He floored it, crossed over the double yellow lines, must have been going 80 mph in that thing.  It was pure insanity, going over the crest of a hill, no way he could see if any traffic was coming. 

I'm not going to cause a head on collision from some other truck driver's appalling stupidity so I let him back over, even tho the lane was ended right then.  I had half a mind to call state Troopers to come out and have a discussion with him, but I decided against it.  I don't know what his big hurry is, I never see oversized loads that big going that fast and taking that kind of risk with the motoring public.  I wondered if he would end up killing someone driving in that manner. 

Anyway, it's 5:30 pm and I just got home.  I should have been home 2-1/2 hours ago.  Whatever, it happens but obviously, anytime it gets busy at the loading plant and that new guy is the only loader there? It's going to be a long wait.  They have been having 2 loaders there and everything runs like smooth silk.  We get in and out of there.  I just had an issue with him saying a pump is broken and doing literally nothing about that, he didn't even have to load the other truck, some other driver backed it in there and a different loader who doesn't do our trucks was up there loading it.  It was just an excuse to do nothing else until he was going home. 

Way too late to stop at the tractor dealership. 

I remembered today that there is no toilet paper in the shed, but I also thought: why am I going to go out and spend $30 on paper that is going to be stolen by someone or more than someone?  I have decided I am just going to buy a 30 pack or whatever and just keep a couple of rolls in there at a time, the rest can stay in my vehicle. They do make locking toilet paper dispensers, but that's not what's happening. Someone is grabbing  15-20 rolls of it and walking out with it. So many people go into the bathroom with large bags it is impossible to tell who is doing it.  

I built that bathroom for myself initially, it morphed into a bathroom/shower room after I did some research on RV'ers habits.  

Anyway, another 4 hours and I can go to bed and not think about food. I am awfully hungry right now, but I'm going to forge ahead with this fasting for it is extremely beneficial for not only kick starting keto, but also for health benefits.  I'm going to at least make it through tomorrow afternoon.  I'll have to decide then if I can make it another day plus.  I"m going to try, that's all I can promise.

Kids are coming home and grandma is leaving right away on Friday, I asked them to change my schedule.  I kind of didn't give an option, it needs to be changed.  So, she changed it, but the aftermath is 4 days in a row now of late load/unloading.  It's just that no one is going to be here, apparently.   So grandma would show up and can't leave until someone comes home.  Well, I should be there long before they get there now and frankly, I certainly don't mind being home early on a Friday going into Saturday.

I'm hoping loading will be better on Wednesday - it will be late load as well but if they can get their act together down there I can be out of there early enough to stop at the tractor dealership.  

Well, I'm getting off of here. I can't get my mind off of food and I need to do something to distract my attention.

 Monday - not particularly early, not late either.  

There is no reason to leave early for today's work, it will just have me sitting in a truck for hours waiting to get loaded.  I'd rather wait at home.  

I have no idea what would possess birds to start chirping at 2:30 am, but they did and it was a lot of them, waking me up out of a deep sleep.  The sleep tracker verified that, showed in deep sleep and then a straight line goes all the way up to the top - awake.  I put in my ear plugs to block out the noise, but damage done.  Didn't matter too much, I was in bed 10 hours and slept 8 of them...

And TBH, I don't really mind a bit later run on a Monday morning after a weekend off.  The day will drag out longer but I won't be so tired as I normally am on a Monday, early, getting up and dragging my @$$ to work.  I'm leaving a bit earlier today than I normally would because the trailer has been sitting 2-3/4's days out in the heat.  The glue starts to dry up and it takes them longer to get it off the walls of the trailer. 

Anyway, it was a nice weekend, didn't do much and don't regret that decision. My only desire was to go talk about a tractor but that fell through, I want to see what TYM has in person first before going to the Kubota dealer. The other person in Fort Worth went to the disrespectful mode Saturday when he was offering a "free implement" and I said thanks, but I can't sign anything until I get a feel for the tractor.  

He then brought up that I was willing to buy it sight unseen. No sir, I still have all the texts....so, he brings up a text (which was amazing that a salesperson would call out a potential customer to begin with regardless of whether he was "right or wrong"), shows that I "want to get a feel for it first".  Yes, that's exactly what I mean, but we had discussed on the phone about seeing one of the units in person before I would sign on the dotted line.

Who in their right mind is going to sign for 35k worth of machinery without even seeing it first? Pictures are great, they don't tell the whole story, they never do.  But, the guy dug in further wondering what he had just wasted 2 months of discussing this tractor situation with him if I had wanted to see it in the first place?  I had had enough, instead of dishing it back out to him, I simply said "Have a nice day" and that was the end of texting.  If he texts me again?  It probably won't be so pleasant.  I don't care what he has to offer, he isn't local, Fort Worth is 3 hours from here.  At least the place in Carthage is relatively close at 25-30 miles, the same with the dealer in Longview. 

Apparently grandma has to drop the kids off and go straight back to Arkansas for whatever reason on Friday.  So, I am going to ask them to change my schedule so that I have first load, I am already doing a second load this week anyway, not particularly happy that they dumped with 2 of them in the same week.  I wasn't going to say anything about it, not this week anyway, if she (dispatcher) tries that again next week? I'll tell them to dump the second one on someone else or I'll refuse the load.  It's that simple: this company allegedly does not have forced dispatch. Meaning, if they give you a load, you can tell them no.  I don't want to do that, of course, it doesn't go over too well for any favors in the future.  

Our internet still isn't working properly. They got it up and running, but it zones out a lot. Meaning: it just stops working.  So you try to post something and nothing happens. Exactly what's going on now, tried to post a comment to a friend's Facebook and it said "unable to post".  Looking at the bottom row on the screen, I'm not even on the internet right now.  Sometimes, restarting the computer works but if I do that?  I'll lose everything I have written on here since it hasn't been able to save it. 

So, I'll hope it either comes back on before I leave or I'll put the computer to sleep and try again when I get home later.  

Basically, I'm on the verge of having to go out and buy the next size fatter waist size pants.  Just no.  This is one of the reasons we're doing a 30 day challenge.  Can I make 30 days? Certainly.  I've done far more than that on the Keto diet, going 4 or 5 months without backing down.  Now, can I just start out from scratch and do it? Remains to be seen.  But I'm going to try, this is getting ridiculous.

The driver trainer is having prostate problems. To the point he is going to have to go through low level radiation. He said he has to do it every day for 2 months and will be scaling back his driving to weekends only. Why he chose weekends I have no idea, I guess to accommodate work and put it in a more favorable light for him.  He spoke with the manager about it, I guess that means that's a go for him.  

I dunno if I'd want to work at all going through something like that tbh.  Especially considering I have the insurance to cover such things.  You don't get a full paycheck, but that's ok. You scale back on any recreational spending and saving and just pay your bills.  I'm not judging him at all, it just may be that he rethinks that stand once he's into it and realizing the effects that kind of treatment may have on the body.  I mean, it might be a bit difficult if it were me to walk away from this job than it was before the pay raise, but who can work going through such things?

Did I say my paycheck was $400 more than the last one?  I mean, it's going up not down.  I hate working every day for 2 weeks in a row, for now it's just a necessary thing I have to do to pay the bills and hopefully get ahead, at least on the business account.  

Well, there we go. Electric bill paid.  I dunno, I was just holding on to all of that money to see a flourishing business bank account, lol. Next bill will be much higher I am sure with the day time temps up in the mid to high 90's.....June is always hot along with July and August, still quite warm in September, October it will start coming down.  I dunno about grass, I am having different thoughts about it.

The problems is rocks. There are endless rocks and if you go down even a few inches into the soil, there are even more rocks.  I'm wondering if I should change the whole thing to a landscaping rock setup and have maybe a small patch of grass in there somewhere and call it good.  I am not interested in fighting with the natural rocks that are everywhere forever.  If you get one thrown out by a mower, you are screwed.  The only other alternative I've seen is artificial grass, which in my view looks tacky and gaudy.  And I can't imagine it lasting very long before getting dirty.

Another option would be to mix landscaping rock with a cement area for chairs and such.  I'm just not going to sit around wondering if another vehicle is going to be hit with an errant rock and end up doing more damage that is costly.  People won't like a non-grass set up and it doesn't really identify with the name of the business, I have some thinking to do about it.  I don't even know what kind of landscaping rock is available in this area.  

Whatever the case, it's almost time to leave.  Not a big hurry, but in case something is going on over at th park and people see me and start asking questions or bringing up complaints, I like to take extra minutes with me as well.  This because it's later in the day, not 6:20 am when I am usually arriving there to get the truck fired up, get a pre-trip inspection done and get on the road. 

Oh, I reset the router, internet is back up....

G'day.